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00:00Offices. We all know what they're like.
00:02Can I put a stapler, please?
00:04But many are now undergoing radical restructuring
00:06through the work of Lester Beck of Events International.
00:09His latest project was on the offices and people
00:12of Klubrox Pharmaceuticals in Windsor.
00:15Yeah, we can as much as you want, Harry.
00:17Anthony Ponn is Klubrox's office manager.
00:20He and his sales staff are about to become part
00:24of a unique experiment in management training.
00:26This was about Thursday, wasn't it?
00:28An experiment they shall never forget
00:31and from which one of them will never physically recover.
00:37So what we must do is construct a raft
00:40and onto the raft we will put ourselves...
00:44Lester Beck is the author of a radical management system
00:47known as disassemblage.
00:50The disassemblage procedure relies on dismantling
00:53each employee's emotional make-up
00:55and then reassembling it in a different order.
00:59What are we?
01:01Are we human?
01:02Are we fully human?
01:04Or are we not human?
01:07What does it mean to be not human?
01:13We need to be human.
01:16So, let's get it into the present, huh?
01:24Let's kick some ass into life.
01:28Good.
01:33What I want to do is just establish the rules
01:35before we get started.
01:36Rule number one, no smoking.
01:38Rule number two, please sit in an open posture.
01:40Lisa, please uncross your legs.
01:42John, uncross your legs.
01:43That's good.
01:44Rule number three, no bullshit.
01:47Rule num...
01:47What are you doing, Christine?
01:49Um, writing the rules down.
01:51These are unwritten rules.
01:53Sorry.
01:54What was rule number three, Christine?
01:56Um, no, um...
01:59thing.
02:00That was not rule number three.
02:02What was rule number three?
02:03No...
02:04No bullshit.
02:06Good.
02:07No bullshit.
02:08Okay, rule number four,
02:09when you wish to speak,
02:10please raise your hand.
02:12Does anybody have a problem
02:13with any of these rules?
02:15Yes, I have a problem with...
02:16Please raise your hand, Lisa.
02:18No, but I'm saying I have a problem
02:20with raising my hand, because...
02:22What's the problem, Lisa?
02:23Well, it's a school or something.
02:25It's kind of like school.
02:26Yes, you're here to learn.
02:27Well, that puts you in a high-status position.
02:28Yes, it does.
02:29If you don't like it, leave the room.
02:31No, I'm not going to leave the room.
02:33Can you be taught?
02:35Yes.
02:35Do you wish to learn?
02:36I do wish to learn, yes.
02:38Then please raise your hand
02:39when you wish to speak.
02:40I have a problem with that.
02:43You're a very unhappy person, Lisa.
02:45I'm not unhappy.
02:46John, is Lisa unhappy?
02:48Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yeah.
02:53Good.
02:54Christine, would you say Lisa is an unhappy person?
02:59Um, I don't think she has a very...
03:01Come on!
03:02I don't think she has a very fulfilled home life.
03:04We're not here to...
03:04Good.
03:06Anthony.
03:07No, I don't think she's happy.
03:09These are the people who work with you every day.
03:11They say you're unhappy.
03:12I'm not unhappy.
03:13I think you're unhappy.
03:14You know, he's discussed my homework.
03:15I think you're lying.
03:15I think you're unhappy, Lisa.
03:17I think you're unhappy.
03:17I'm not unhappy.
03:18I'm not unhappy.
03:18Tell me you're unhappy.
03:19I'm not unhappy.
03:20You are unhappy.
03:20I'm not unhappy.
03:21Tell me you're unhappy.
03:22I'm unhappy.
03:23Good.
03:25You know that you often say er instead of speaking?
03:28Did you know that?
03:30No.
03:31Has everyone else noticed this about Anthony?
03:34Yes, yes.
03:35Therefore, every time you say er, we're going to remind you that you're saying er by going
03:39er as well, okay?
03:41Don't take it personal.
03:44Um, I'm the...
03:45Er...
03:45I'm the...
03:47Er...
03:48I'm the office...
03:50Er...
03:51I'm the office manager.
03:52Er...
03:53Er...
03:54I'm responsible for...
03:55Er...
03:56Er...
03:56The...
03:57The...
03:57The...
03:58I'm the office manager.
03:59I'm a...
04:00Er...
04:00Er...
04:01Yeah, all right!
04:02Stop it!
04:02Er...
04:03Stop it!
04:06Good.
04:08That's good, Anthony.
04:12I'm the office manager, and I...
04:15Er...
04:16Er...
04:17Er...
04:18Okay, group.
04:21I want you to give Christine a gift, and the gift you're going to give Christine is the
04:27gift of the truth of who she is to you.
04:29John.
04:30Um, you dress like an old lady, and you've got a stupid face.
04:36Good.
04:37Hit Christine.
04:38Christine, say thank you.
04:41Good.
04:42Lisa.
04:43You...
04:45You're hairy, and you're lonely, and you've got a...
04:49Just two will do, Lisa.
04:50You're hairy, and you're lonely.
04:51Hit Christine.
04:52Good.
04:53Anthony.
04:54Er...
04:55You're...
04:56Er...
04:57You've got no sense of humour, and you're always there.
05:00Christine, hit Anthony.
05:01Oh!
05:02Good.
05:03Good.
05:04Good.
05:05Feel good?
05:06Yes.
05:07Yes.
05:08Good.
05:09Okay, Christine.
05:10Open your legs, please.
05:11Right.
05:12Open.
05:13Open, please, Christine.
05:14Okay.
05:15It's not a problem for you?
05:16No.
05:17Good.
05:18Good.
05:19You like working here?
05:20Very much, yes.
05:21You like John and, uh, Anthony?
05:23Mm.
05:24Yes.
05:25You like them both equally?
05:26I think so, yes.
05:27Find them attractive?
05:29Um, well...
05:31Who's the most attractive?
05:33Well, they're both very, uh, very attractive.
05:36Um, I think you're the most attractive.
05:37I'd say it.
05:38I think so, but I'm...
05:41I think so, yes.
05:42Do you find them attractive?
05:43Um, well...
05:45Who's the most attractive?
05:47Well, they're both very presentable.
05:49Who's the most?
05:50They both always look very smart.
05:52Who's the most attractive?
05:55They always, you know, they dress nicely and...
05:57Who's the most attractive?
06:01Would you like to go to bed with John?
06:05Tell the truth, it's okay.
06:07John, you find Christine attractive?
06:11I think she's very presentable.
06:15Christine, why don't you ask John to go to bed with you?
06:20Come on, it's worth a try.
06:23Heck, go for it anyway, Christine.
06:27Do you want to go to bed with me?
06:29No.
06:41Bec takes the team out into the field to test purchasing techniques.
06:51What we're going to do is we're going to buy a newspaper, okay?
06:55And this is where we're going to get what we want.
06:58John.
07:01Hello, my name's John.
07:02I'd like a Today newspaper, please.
07:06It's 25, yep.
07:07He's got the right change.
07:08Thanks very much.
07:09Thank you very much.
07:10Good, John.
07:11Anthony.
07:12Lester, can I just ask, are we, um...
07:14Buy a paper, Anthony.
07:15One thing, though.
07:16Buy a paper.
07:17Can I...
07:17I just...
07:18I don't know, because I've already bought one, you see.
07:20I don't know whether I should buy the same one or...
07:22That's not important for the exercise.
07:25Can I have a...
07:26Please stop it.
07:29Come on, Anthony, buy a paper.
07:31Come on.
07:32Okay, buy some candy.
07:33I don't care.
07:34I don't know what.
07:35I got the mirror.
07:37I got it.
07:38I got the mirror.
07:39You haven't paid for it, Anthony.
07:41What?
07:42You haven't paid for it.
07:43To pay for it.
07:44Go back and pay, Anthony.
07:48How much is the mirror?
07:4927 pence, please.
07:52So much.
07:55Introduce yourself.
07:56Shake his hand.
07:58Shake Adnan's hand, Anthony.
08:01Go ahead.
08:02Good.
08:02Now you have a communication.
08:04Good.
08:05You feel better?
08:08Good.
08:09Good.
08:10Shall I go?
08:13Just go.
08:14Take your paper with you!
08:17Okay.
08:18Let's make...
08:19Day three, and Lester Beck places a...
08:22...powerful new variable in the office environment.
08:25If we released a live pig into the office, how would you be able to cope?
08:31Lisa.
08:33What?
08:33The pig that's...
08:34...our anger.
08:36Within us.
08:37Oh, pig.
08:37A real pig.
08:39What would happen?
08:40Would you be able to cope?
08:41I don't think...
08:42Let's see.
08:43Okay.
08:43Please release the pig.
08:45What?
08:46Release the pig, please.
08:48Oh, no.
08:48It's a pig.
08:49Okay.
08:49This is a snorkel.
08:51Say hello to snorkel the pig.
08:53Get involved with the pig.
08:55Who allowed you to get this pig in my...
08:56Get involved with the pig.
08:57It's standard practice in events international to intertext your life with the pig.
09:01This is my office.
09:02This is my office.
09:03Get the pig.
09:04Get an ace.
09:05Get the...
09:06Can you stop shouting?
09:07Get an ace or kill...
09:08Let's kill it.
09:09Stop it.
09:10Get an ace or something.
09:11This is my office.
09:13You have...
09:14I think...
09:14I think...
09:15Will you...
09:15Listen to Christine.
09:16Just because it might drop his baby.
09:18Stop shouting.
09:18They might have a baby.
09:19It will if you keep shouting.
09:20Listen to Christine.
09:21She's speaking sense here.
09:23And you stop shouting.
09:24And please.
09:25Can we just...
09:27Just let's just put some paper down and keep it happy.
09:29Right.
09:30Come on now.
09:31Come on pig.
09:31Come on Christy.
09:34We've got an apple.
09:35Help me.
09:36Oh my goodness.
09:37Lisa get up.
09:38Can you just sit on that?
09:40Lisa.
09:41Lisa.
09:42Come here.
09:42Lisa.
09:43You're being a big pussy.
09:45Deal with the pig.
09:46You're being a pussy.
09:47She's alright.
09:47She looks like she's been a pussy.
09:48Deal with the pig.
09:49Don't be a pussy Lisa.
09:50What pussy?
09:51I have to have a word with you.
09:53Have you got authorisation?
09:55This is my...
09:55Anthony.
09:56I don't want any shit.
09:57I just want you to deal with the pig.
09:58There's a pig in my office.
10:00Deal with the fucking pig.
10:01There's a...
10:01Deal with the pig.
10:02Anybody got an apple?
10:03Have you got an apple?
10:04No.
10:05Just get it out of the office.
10:06Just get it out of this office now.
10:08She's not doing any harm.
10:09Just put some paper down because it might have a baby.
10:11Ask yourself what would happen if a computer virus got into your computers.
10:17It wouldn't...
10:18You can't cope with the...
10:19It wouldn't mess all over the place.
10:21I've lost all my nails.
10:22They've all come off.
10:24Look we've got a pig.
10:25I'm not worried about your nails.
10:26Can I get some more?
10:27Hello?
10:27See the pig doesn't care about you but you care about the pig.
10:31This is your problem.
10:32Can you get to my desk please?
10:33Yes hello.
10:34Um...
10:35Um...
10:35We're a bit...
10:36We're a bit tied up at the moment.
10:37Can we...
10:38Can we wait?
10:39Tell them about the pig.
10:41We've got...
10:42In the...
10:42We've got a...
10:44Um...
10:44Something happening.
10:45Ah...
10:45Ah...
10:46I'm so sorry.
10:47We've got a pig in the office.
10:49A pig.
10:50Yes it is a real.
10:52For a day.
10:53Will it be killed soon?
10:54Will that die?
10:55The pig will not die John.
10:58So...
10:58No.
10:58What you need now Christine is to organise a pig roader.
11:02I'm in...
11:03I'm happy to do first ship.
11:04Well look I'm in charge.
11:05Christine can do first ship.
11:07Okay good.
11:07And by then the pig will be gone.
11:11The pig is fine.
11:13Christine just cope with it.
11:15Will you just...
11:16Please continue that conversation.
11:19Meanwhile in training sessions one employee John Histons questions Bec's techniques.
11:26Let me ask you a question.
11:28When you go to the toilet do you have an Armitage Shanks interface defecation scenario or do you just have a shit?
11:39Mummy's gone.
11:41And you want to cry like a baby.
11:44Yep.
11:47That's good John.
11:48Help him on to the carpet.
11:51Down you come.
11:52And John.
11:53John.
11:54I want you to imagine that the carpet is your mother.
11:58Beat up on your mum who left you.
12:01Go on.
12:02Get it out John.
12:03Go on.
12:04Go on hit it.
12:05Hit it John.
12:05Don't cheat on yourself.
12:07Imagine it's your mother.
12:08Go on hit it.
12:08It's your mother.
12:09Go on.
12:10Kick it.
12:11Go on kick it as well.
12:12She left you John.
12:13She didn't understand that you were suffering and it's taken you 25 years to get over it.
12:18Really get it back for everything she's done to me over the years.
12:20Just get in there.
12:21Beat up on the carpet.
12:22Just go on John.
12:23Don't give up.
12:24Just take it all the best years of my life.
12:26Just get in there.
12:27Christine.
12:27Christine.
12:27Christine.
12:28Don't get too excited.
12:30Okay.
12:31Let's look at next week please.
12:33Three months later the office at Kluberox has been rationalised.
12:37Can you tell them to ring back in five please?
12:40And the Egham account.
12:41I'll do it all on the same day as coffee.
12:43Excellent.
12:44No problem.
12:44Good.
12:45No problem.
12:45Lisa now the dry calling in the Windsor area was very weak last week.
12:49If you could really push it next week that would be excellent.
12:51Okay?
12:52Yes I can.
12:53Brilliant.
12:53That's all.
12:55For John Histon's the training course was his last memory of the company.
13:00He left shortly after it to follow a new direction.
13:03A lot of people are very surprised that I ended up in the butchers.
13:09But the office, well it wasn't really me you know.
13:15But here, I know I've got exactly what to do.
13:19I like meat.
13:20I like working with meat.
13:22I'm happy with it.
13:24In a way I respect it more than people.
13:26And if you were to see Leicester back again, how would you react?
13:35I'll probably start him with this knife.
13:37Yeah.
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