The Day Today - Extra 5 [couchtripper][U] - video Dailymotion

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00:00good evening this is the day today here's some news the Department of Education has

00:09announced that ugly children will be banned from schools because they put the other pupils off

00:14a recent report shows that ugly children are unpopular they cause disruption by being teased

00:19and they conduct themselves in an increasingly twisted way as they become more aware of their

00:24ghastly looks from next term all children will be measured with a hideousness gauge designed

00:29to eliminate those who have irregular or concave faces swollen eyelids undersized heads or the looks

00:35of an old man teachers union leaders today welcome the regulations adding their dismissal will also

00:41remove their parents who are often equally offensive hello it's been a big day today for the strong

00:51game of rugby look at the closing in on him they keep bringing him down let him go he's saying get

00:58out of the way I want to play some rugby get it hit him hit him right and the ball's out to west to

01:08Kenny Kenny's broken through yes he's running he's clear he's saying look at me look at me I've got

01:13the ball I've got the ball can you get me no I'm gonna score he's scoring a try he's scored he's

01:18scored a try and what a magnificent moment as he just ran through there and said oh you're not gonna

01:25get me I've got the ball

01:27your complaints my complaint is about the standard of complaints in the media brackets notice my

01:39sentence construction is poor yeah the way people speak you'd think they'd had a Brian bypass brain

01:46bypass and if they ever do get these pointless thoughts close inverted commas raise eyebrows

01:54sarcastically out they are all too easily balled a bullet bullet bullet bullet sorry yes mistake

02:02bullet yes how stupid of me for low I am a mere gut brain surf while you oh program makers are gods gods

02:12you are oh gods oh god have mercy later on the day-to-day putrid Britain backstreet squalor in

02:24our inner cities today you can only see so much you can only you can only shake your head so many

02:30times eventually it falls off plus full story on man narrowly escapes crushing beneath wheels of van

02:38there's Alan Partridge and join me Alan Partridge for the big race at Marple the horse race

02:46and Gary Lineker says why he's not happy with the new look given to him by his Japanese bosses

02:54oh I think he's stupid

02:55that's the day today goodbye

03:00you

03:09you

03:11you