- 22 hours ago
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00:00Music
00:02Music
00:04Music
00:06Music
00:12Music
00:14Music
00:16Music
00:18Music
00:20I know
00:28Well it all started with that electrician
00:30Didn't it? Real live
00:32Why he was. Only one watt
00:33But plenty of volts as they say
00:35Laughter
00:36Well anything in trousers
00:40Yes. Or out of them
00:41Preferably
00:42Laughter
00:44Yeah
00:45No just
00:47Lighting up. Go on
00:49I know
00:52I've heard that with her mother
00:53In the same room
00:54No
00:57No
00:58No, no. Of course I won't. Go on
01:01Laughter
01:03Basil
01:05Yes dear
01:06Oh no. Who saw them?
01:08Basil
01:09Yes dear
01:10Could you come and attend to a gentleman out here dear?
01:12Nineteen
01:13What? You mean out where you are dear?
01:15Well last one was only 22
01:17It was
01:18That's right. Quite busy in here dear. Are you very busy out there?
01:21I'm on the telephone Basil. My husband will be with you in a moment
01:24Yeah thank you
01:25So I'll stop work and come out there shall I dear?
01:27Oh no no the Maltese one
01:28Well I'm glad that's settled then
01:30Laughter
01:32No no dear he was an Arab
01:33Darling when you've finished
01:34Why don't you have a nice lie down?
01:36I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting sir
01:38I had no idea my wife was so busy
01:40Fear not kind sir it matters not one whit
01:43Beg your pardon?
01:44It matters not one whit
01:46Time is not pressing on me fortunately
01:48Now some information please
01:50This afternoon I have to visit the town for sundry purposes which would be of no interest to you I'm quite sure
01:54But nevertheless I shall require your aid in getting for me some sort of transport
01:59Some hired vehicle that is to get me to my first port of call
02:02Are you alright?
02:03Oh yeah
02:04Yes I find the air here most invigorating
02:06I see what did I gather from your first announcement that you want a taxi?
02:10In a nutshell
02:11Case more
02:12And two o'clock please
02:14Well there's the number of the local firm
02:16Now please please
02:17Could you get it for me because I never use the telephone if I can avoid it
02:20Why not?
02:21Risk of infection
02:22So when I finish right now
02:24I have a rendezvous at five o'clock at this address
02:26Which I must reach from the post office in Queen's Square
02:28Now as the map is sadly inadequate
02:30I would be very grateful if you could draw me a diagram of the optimum route
02:34Well I mean may I ask what's wrong with the map?
02:36Well it's got curry on it
02:37Well look it's perfectly simple
02:39You go to the end of Queen's parade and
02:41Would you?
02:42No just listen
02:43No I just want a diagram
02:44No it's really very simple
02:45I'd rather have a diagram if it won't put you out
02:46Well it does put me out
02:47Well I'd like it all the same
02:49Basil
02:51Right
02:52Yeah then
02:53We do have pens
02:54Oh yeah
02:55We have actually got pens in the hotel
02:56Thank you so much
02:57Somewhere
02:58I mean where are the pens?
03:00I mean would you believe it?
03:01I mean there are no pens here
03:02I mean this is supposed to be a hotel
03:04But what are they doing in there?
03:07I put them there
03:08Why?
03:09Just sign there Mr Walt
03:10Because you're always losing them Basil
03:12I am not always losing them
03:14People take them
03:15Well they don't take them from me
03:16They wouldn't dare
03:18Well I'm sorry I didn't guess
03:19That you'd suddenly done that
03:20After twelve years dear
03:21I'm afraid my psychic powers
03:22Must be a little bit below par this morning
03:24There we are
03:25Don't be silly Basil
03:26It's written there quite clearly
03:27On the top of the box
03:28Pens?
03:29It's more like Ben's to me
03:30Well when Ben comes you can give it to him
03:33Mr Walt's in room seven
03:35What do you think?
03:36Doesn't that look like Ben's to you?
03:37Not really
03:38Well it does to me
03:39I don't quite understand this
03:41Where is the post office?
03:42It's there
03:43Where it says post office
03:44I'm sorry if it's confusing
03:47Oh
03:48P off
03:49You've used the abbreviation
03:51Ah the penny's dropped
03:52Yeah well I thought it said boff
03:54Of course
03:55Yes I thought that boff was a locale
03:57You see a name of a district
03:58You see that P looks like a B
04:00No it doesn't
04:01Yes it does
04:02A little loop on the bottom of it
04:03Excuse me
04:04There there does it say boff
04:05Or does it say poff
04:06I like
04:07There there it's a P isn't it?
04:08I suppose so
04:09I beg your poff
04:10Pee off
04:11Pee off
04:12Pee off?
04:13Who ever heard of a post office?
04:14Nine
04:15What?
04:16Room nine
04:17Room seven
04:18Manuel would you take these cases to room seven please
04:20Okay
04:23He thinks boff is a locale
04:25He thinks what?
04:26You know some zone
04:27Some a province in equatorial talk
04:30These two months
04:31Yes
04:32Yes
04:33Yes
04:34Yes
04:35Well
04:36Well
04:37I'll show you to your room
04:38If you're lucky
04:39Excuse me
04:40Excuse me
04:41Excuse me
04:42In how many minutes does luncheon commence please?
04:43Twelve
04:44Here I'll write it down for you
04:45Well
04:46Yes, and if anybody wants me, I'll be in the lounge.
04:49If anybody wants you? I'll be in the lounge!
04:52Anyone in particular? I mean, Henry Kissinger?
04:55Just anyone with a big net. I don't know what it is about this place.
04:58I mean, some of the people we get in here... What are you on about?
05:01I wish you'd help a bit. You're always refurbishing yourself.
05:04What? Oh, never mind. Never mind.
05:06Don't shout at me. I've had a difficult morning.
05:08Oh, dear. What happened? Did you get entangled in the ida down again?
05:13Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long you didn't have time to perm your ears?
05:19Actually, Basil, I've been working.
05:22You know what I mean by working, don't you, dear?
05:24I mean getting things done as opposed to squabbling with the guests.
05:27I would find it a little easier to cope with some of the cretins we get in here, my little nest of vipers,
05:32if I got a smidgen of cooperation from you.
05:34Cooperation? That's a laugh. The day you cooperate, you'll be in a wooden box.
05:38I've never heard such rudeness.
05:39Look, if you think I'm going to fawn to some of the yobbos we get in here...
05:42This is a hotel, Basil, not a borstal.
05:45And it might help business if you could have a little more courtesy. Just a little.
05:49I suppose talking to Audrey for half an hour helps business, does it?
05:52It was about business, for your information. Audrey has some news that may interest you.
05:56Oh, really? This'll be good. Let me guess. The mayor wears a toupee.
05:59Somebody's got nail varnish on his cats. Am I getting warm?
06:02There are some hotel inspectors in town.
06:07What?
06:09What does she know?
06:10That's all she knows.
06:11Well, how does she know?
06:12A friend of Bill Morton's overheard three men in a pub last night comparing notes on places they'd just been in Exeter.
06:17Three men? I'll call Bill.
06:19You don't have to call Bill, Basil. Just try to exercise a little courtesy.
06:27Papers arrived 40 years.
06:28Not yet. Oh, not yet. No, major. No, sorry. Sorry.
06:31Could you do that in a moment, please? I'm on the telephone.
06:45You haven't finished dial-in yet, have you? Now, listen.
06:48There was a documentary on BBC Two this evening about Squawking Bird, the leader of the Blackfoot Indians in the late 1860s.
06:55Now, this starts at 8.45 and goes on for approximately three quarters of an hour.
06:59I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
07:00Indeed I am, yes.
07:01Now, is it possible for me to reserve the BBC Two channel for the duration of this televisual feast?
07:06Why don't you talk properly?
07:08I beg your pardon? No, it isn't.
07:09What?
07:10It is not possible to reserve the BBC Two channel from the commencement of this televisual feast until the moment of the termination of its ending.
07:15Thank you so much.
07:16Oh, I see. Well, might I suggest, then, that you introduce such a scheme?
07:19No.
07:20I would just like to tell you that I have a wide experience of hotels and some of those of my acquaintance have had the foresight to introduce this facility for the benefit of their guests.
07:30No, I see. You have a wide experience of hotels.
07:32Yes, in my professional activities, I am in constant contact with them.
07:35Are you? Are you really?
07:37Yes.
07:38Well, then, is it possible for me to hire a television set to view the programme in the privacy of my own room?
07:44I beg your pardon?
07:45Have you the facility to hire a television set to one of your guests?
07:50Ah, good point. I'm glad you asked me that. And not as such.
07:53Oh.
07:54However, we do have plans to introduce such a scheme in the near future.
07:57Yes, well, that's not much use to me tonight, is it?
07:58No, but I'll tell you what, why don't I introduce another scheme straight away along the lines that you've already suggested by which I reserve the BBC Two channel for you tonight?
08:06Now, that's more like it.
08:07Ah, well, not at all. I mean, that's what we're here for, isn't it?
08:10Yes.
08:11Is there anything else before I call your taxi?
08:13Well, yes, there is. Somebody in there mentioned that you had a table tennis table.
08:17Indeed we do, yes. It is not in absolutely mint condition, but it could certainly be used in an emergency.
08:22Ah.
08:23It is to be found in the South Wing, overlooking the courtyard where there is, of course, ample parking.
08:27Ah, Polly, and Mr Hutchison, may I introduce Polly Sherman, who is with us at the moment?
08:31How do you do?
08:32How do you do?
08:33Well, wait a minute. We've met before, I think.
08:34Yes, I served you at breakfast.
08:36Oh, yes, and you spilt the grapefruit juice, didn't you, you naughty girl?
08:39And you moved the glass, didn't you?
08:40Thank you, thank you, Polly. Yes, awfully nice girl. Very bright. She's a fully qualified painter, you know.
08:45Oh, really?
08:46Yes.
08:47Ah, good morning. Good morning, ladies.
08:49Good morning.
08:50We do like to have girls of that calibre that helps out. It does add a certain...
08:53Well, would you care to partake of lunch now?
08:55Well, sure, it's not yet...
08:56Oh, goodness me. We don't worry about things like that here. No fear. I mean, this is a hotel, not a bostel.
09:01What?
09:02Have you? It's not half past yet.
09:04I was just saying to Mr. Hutchison, dear, this is a hotel, not a bostel.
09:08Chef won't be ready, Basil.
09:10Leave it to me, dear. Leave it to me.
09:11Did you ring Bill?
09:12No, dear, not necessary.
09:13What?
09:14Explain later, but I must look after Mr. Hutchison now.
09:17A Spanish omelet.
09:18Yes, and all on the plate, please, not on the tablecloth.
09:22Excuse me, you're not by any chance the Duke of Kent, are you?
09:26No, no, no, no, no. You got the wrong person there.
09:28Ah, Mr. Hutchison.
09:30Oh, yes, I'm going to have you a Spanish omelet.
09:32Splendid.
09:33Yes, I assume that all the vegetables within the omelet are fresh.
09:36Oh, yes, yes.
09:37Including the peas.
09:38Oh, yes, they're fresh, all right.
09:39They're not frozen, are they?
09:40Well, they're frozen, yes.
09:42I see, well, if they're frozen, they're not fresh, are they?
09:44Well, I assure you, they were absolutely fresh when they were frozen.
09:46Oh, dear.
09:47There's a lot of this nowadays in hotels.
09:49A lot of what?
09:50Yes, I'll just have a cheese salad, please.
09:51What?
09:52Yes, I only eat fresh vegetables, you see. I'll just have a cheese salad.
09:55Well, we could always do the omelets without the peas.
09:57Oh, no, no, no, no.
09:58I always feel that the peas are an integral part of the overall flavour, you know.
10:01And might I suggest that in future you avail yourself of sufficient quantities of the fresh articles?
10:05Look, we've been...
10:06Yes, yes, good idea.
10:07Now, something to drink?
10:09Yes, I'll have a ginger beer, please.
10:11A ginger beer?
10:12And a glass of fresh water.
10:13Fresh?
10:14Water, yes.
10:15Mr. Hutchison, telephone call for your reception.
10:17Telephone?
10:18Oh, dear.
10:19Oh, dear.
10:20Oh, dear.
10:21Oh.
10:22Clever.
10:23Clever.
10:24Good afternoon.
10:25No.
10:26This is no sun.
10:27It's no good for me.
10:28I beg your pardon?
10:29I'm homesick, yes.
10:30Is there any way you'd like me to sit?
10:31Okay.
10:32I'm in room seven.
10:33Oh, yes, please, here.
10:34You go up, up, up, up, all right, room seven.
10:35Oh, no.
10:36Yes, please, I'll show you.
10:37No.
10:38Yes, please, I'll show you.
10:39No, look, I want a table.
10:40A table?
10:41A table?
10:42For one.
10:43Oh, table one.
10:44Oh, please, yes, yes.
10:45Table one.
10:46Table one.
10:47Oh, sorry.
10:48Here, here.
10:49Table one.
10:51Oh, no, no, it's my fault.
10:52Well, I'll try the patty and the lamb casserole.
10:53Uh, you room ten.
10:54Oh, no.
10:55Oh, no.
10:56Yes, please, I'll show you.
10:57No, look, I want a table.
10:58A table?
10:59For one.
11:00Oh, table one.
11:01Oh, please, yes, yes.
11:02Table one.
11:03So sorry.
11:04Here, here.
11:05Table one.
11:07See?
11:08Right.
11:11So sorry, but I think you say for room and I do it for I am not one to know it easily.
11:15I'm sorry.
11:16No, no, it's my fault.
11:17Well, I'll try the patty and the lamb casserole.
11:19Uh, you room ten.
11:21No, room seven.
11:22Oh, seven, see.
11:23Yes.
11:24No, no, no.
11:25This table one.
11:26It's Wednesday.
11:28Room seven is table five.
11:29No, please, here.
11:30Please, sir, please, sir.
11:35Please, sir.
11:36So sorry.
11:37Yes, yes.
11:38Oh, yes, sir.
11:40Yes, sir.
11:41Seven is what I think you say.
11:43Like in English,
11:47I can only see the number Billeton when I'm in front.
11:50The patty and the lamb.
11:51Si, patty lamb, patty lamb, paty lamb, paty lamb, patty lamb.
11:54bull, scream.
11:55One ginger beer and one glass of fresh water.
12:01What're you doing now?
12:02Well, I...
12:03You can't sit there, it's taken.
12:04Come on.
12:05Look, I've been moved once already.
12:06Well, you're in room seven, aren't you?
12:07Yes, but the wait has said table five.
12:09Well, this isn't table five.
12:10Can would you come over here, please?
12:12I mean this is table five here come on look I did ask the waiter well he's
12:15hopeless isn't he you might as well ask the cat now come on settle down I beg your pardon
12:20would you sit down please thank you I hate to trespass further on your
12:27valuable time but might I look at the wine list now yes please excuse me here
12:33we are could I have an ashtray please thank you I'll have a bottle of the alox
12:42cotton 65 the what the alox cotton 65 ah the court on huh of course my pleasure
12:50oh there you are nice to have you back again it's not too close please not too
12:54close oh sorry I hope everything was to your satisfaction well your earpiece was
12:57very greasy I wiped it out for you oh thank you
13:01I don't know who's been using it covered in brocrums oh dear oh that's tepid
13:08it's oh have you got an ice bucket please an ice bucket is well this ginger beer is
13:13distinctly warm ah Polly an ice bucket with mr. Hutchison please thank you there we
13:18are from 65
13:31a bit stood in there sorry
13:52oh
13:59I'm sorry
14:01I'm sorry
14:07Thank you so much.
14:35May I congratulate you on your choice?
14:37Yes, excuse me.
14:39Yes?
14:40I'm afraid this is corked.
14:42I just uncorked it. Didn't you see me?
14:45What?
14:46Look.
14:47No, no.
14:48No, you said I took it out of the bottle. That's how I managed to get the wine out of the bottle into your glass.
14:52I don't mean that. I mean the wine is corked. The wine has reacted with the cork.
14:56And so?
14:57The wine has reacted with the cork and gone bad.
15:00Gone bad? May I?
15:03I'd like a bottle that isn't corked.
15:05Right, that's cost me, hasn't it? Well, never mind. I'll get you another bottle. I do hope you're all enjoying your meals.
15:21Thank you, thank you. Excuse me. Excuse me, table five?
15:28Yes?
15:29Are you having the lamb or the mackerel?
15:30The lamb.
15:31I'll have another one standing by, just in case.
15:33Well, let's give us a go then, shall we?
15:37Um, Polly, would you get Mr Hutchison his main course, please?
15:40So sorry to keep you waiting. Mr Hutchison will be with you in just one moment.
15:45Sir?
15:50Yes, dear?
15:51How are you getting on with your hotel, Inspector?
15:53Oh, fine! Fine!
15:55He sells spoons.
15:57Sir?
16:02Sir?
16:03I listened in on his phone call. He works for a cutlery firm, but he specialises in spoons.
16:09You listened in?
16:10Yes.
16:11You listened in on a private call of one of our guests?
16:13That's right, Basil.
16:14Little rat, I'll get him for that.
16:16Now, Basil!
16:17Try now on with me.
16:18Try what?
16:19Pretending he's a hotel inspector. Do we hire television sets, fresh peas, ice buckets?
16:23Basil, it was your mistake!
16:25Will you let me handle it?
16:26Basil!
16:29This whole inspector business was in your own imagination.
16:31It's nothing to do with him.
16:32There is no excuse for rudeness. Do you understand?
16:35Do you understand?
16:37Yes!
16:38Good.
16:47Not yet, Major.
16:48Oh, there.
16:56Spoons, eh?
16:59I'm sorry?
17:00Spoons!
17:06I beg your pardon?
17:07I understand you're in the spoon trade.
17:09Oh, well, yes!
17:10Ah, fascinating!
17:11Fascinating!
17:12How...
17:13How absorbing for it!
17:14Yes, well, as a matter...
17:15So much more interesting than being in a hotel inspector!
17:17What?
17:19Well, thank you.
17:21No, miss, miss, miss!
17:22Yes?
17:23I didn't order that.
17:24Er, is there something we can get you, Mr. Hutcherson?
17:26A tea cosy for your pepper pot, perhaps?
17:29No, no, no, no, I changed the order, you see.
17:31What seems to be the trouble?
17:32Well, I thought Mr. Hutcherson ordered an omni.
17:34No, he went off it, Polly, so we changed the order.
17:36It's perfectly simple.
17:37Well, I'm sorry, but I wasn't told.
17:38Well, I told Chef, so he should have told you.
17:40Well, he didn't.
17:41Well, is that my fault?
17:42No, is it mine?
17:43No, it is.
17:44What?
17:45Well, clearly, in a case like this,
17:46where the order's been changed,
17:47the chef's been informed,
17:48it's his responsibility...
17:49You want him around the place?
17:50You want?
17:51You want him around the hotel?
17:52Right, Mr. Hutcherson's taking over, Polly,
17:53so I'll have the omelette,
17:54I'm sure with his natural charm
17:55of a fine experience,
17:56there's no more problems.
17:57Come on, can't sit around all day!
17:58Oh, no!
17:59There's lots to be done!
18:00No, no!
18:01What is going on, Basil?
18:02Hello, dear.
18:03Well?
18:04Er, is that better, Mr. Hutcherson?
18:05What?
18:06Is that better?
18:07Oh, yeah, thank you.
18:08Good, good.
18:09Well, that's all sorted out, then.
18:10Isn't there something wrong?
18:11I have been given an erroneous dish.
18:13Thank you, Basil.
18:14I'll deal with this.
18:15Thank you, Polly.
18:16Now, Mr. Hutcherson...
18:17Now, you see,
18:18I did order the omelette in the first place,
18:19but then I changed my mind.
18:20I see.
18:21Well, I'll just go in the kitchen
18:22and find out what's happened.
18:31Manuel?
18:33The bottle.
18:34Er, yes.
18:35Where is it?
18:36Okay.
18:37Oh, I take it.
18:38I take it, I take it.
18:39Come here.
18:40Here.
18:41You're a waste of space.
18:42Oh!
18:48There we are.
18:49No, no, no, no.
18:50Just a moment, please.
18:51Yes?
18:52I did not order that.
18:53You didn't?
18:54I did not.
18:55I'm sorry.
18:56There's an order for a patty for this table.
18:57Oh, dear me.
18:58Things do seem to be going wrong today, don't they?
19:00And, er, Sybil taking care of things, are you?
19:01Yes, thank you, Basil.
19:02Good.
19:03Everything's all right, then?
19:04Well, it appears that I'm being off...
19:05We're just sorting it out, thank you, Basil.
19:06That's fine.
19:07You didn't order patty mesons.
19:08I did not.
19:09I ordered the...
19:10I'll leave you to do it in the first place.
19:11No, no, no.
19:28How did you do that?
19:29What?
19:30Where did you get it?
19:31Where did I get it?
19:32That's right.
19:33I mean, how did you get it?
19:34Well, the waiter opened it for me.
19:36Yes.
19:37The waiter opened it for you?
19:38Yes.
19:39I've told you about him, haven't I?
19:43Oh, no, no, for goodness sake.
19:45What is it?
19:46What is it?
19:47I did not order a lamb casserole.
19:49No, he didn't.
19:50No, he didn't.
19:51He did not order one, Polly.
19:52So why has he got one?
19:53Because Mrs. Fawlty told me to give him one.
19:54I know how she feels.
19:55I've got one.
19:56Who took the order?
19:58I don't know.
19:59Meanwhile!
20:00I mean, look, how could it be so difficult to get a cheese salad?
20:03You want to run the place?
20:04No, no, no.
20:05I just want a cheese salad.
20:06Right, well, shut up, then.
20:07I beg your pardon.
20:08I'll get you a cheese salad.
20:09And don't listen to anyone.
20:10Just get him a cheese salad.
20:11See?
20:12Ah!
20:13Excuse me!
20:14I've changed my mind.
20:15I do not want the cheese salad.
20:16I wish to cancel it.
20:17I'm not used to being spoken to like that, Mr. Fawlty.
20:20And I've no wish to continue my luncheon.
20:22Well, I do apologise if what I said just now seemed to trifle brusque.
20:25Brusque?
20:26It was rude, Mr. Fawlty.
20:27I said rude!
20:28Well, I'm deeply sorry if it came over like that.
20:29I mean, nothing could have been further from my mind.
20:31You told me to shut up!
20:33No, no, he told me to shut up.
20:34He what?
20:35He said it to me!
20:36Oh, no, I was looking at you, but I was talking to Polly, wasn't I, Polly?
20:39Oh, yes.
20:40Did you notice, then, that I was looking at you, but talking to her?
20:43What?
20:44You see, he was looking at you, but talking to me, wasn't he?
20:46Wasn't I?
20:47What?
20:48So you weren't being rude, were you, Mr. Fawlty?
20:49Absolutely not.
20:50You see?
20:51Me?
20:52Yes.
20:53Yeah, but if you say shut up to somebody, that's the one you want to shut up, isn't it?
20:55Well, not necessarily.
20:56I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
20:57Yes.
20:58I beg your pardon?
20:59Ah, there.
21:00You see how easily these misunderstandings occur?
21:01Oh, yes, I do.
21:02So, won't he salad then, please, Polly?
21:04Certainly, Mr. Artisan.
21:05And if there's anything else, please don't hesitate to ask.
21:07Yes, thank you.
21:10I'm so sorry, he's from Barcelona.
21:15I, er, I trust your pate was satisfactory?
21:19Yes, yes, thank you.
21:20Oh, good, good.
21:21The chef buys it himself, you know.
21:22Buys it?
21:23Oh, yes, insists on it.
21:24I imagine the, er, Corton complimented it delightfully?
21:27Yes, it's very good.
21:28Ah, excellent.
21:29More like a 66, really.
21:31Is it?
21:32Well, lots of body.
21:33Oh.
21:36Yes, yes, quite right.
21:37Well, it's always a pleasure to, er, meet someone who appreciates the boudoir of the grape.
21:41I'm afraid most of the people we get in here don't know a Bordeaux from a Claret.
21:45A Bordeaux is a Claret.
21:47Oh, Bordeaux is a Claret.
21:48Yes, yes, but they wouldn't know that.
21:50No, you obviously drink a lot.
21:52Uh, wine, I mean.
21:53Well, not a lot.
21:54I mean, a fair amount.
21:55I mean, the right amount for a connoisseur.
21:56I mean, that doesn't mean you're a desert.
21:57I mean, some people drink it by the crease.
21:59But that's not being a connoisseur.
22:00That's just plain sloth.
22:01Ha!
22:02Oh, Bordeaux is one of the Clarets, all right.
22:04What?
22:05Oh, yes.
22:06Ha!
22:11So, you're down here on business, are you?
22:12What?
22:13You're not in the wine trade, by any chance.
22:14No, we're not.
22:15We are?
22:16I'm down here on business with a couple of colleagues and we are not in the wine trade.
22:20Ah, it's just that you're obviously so expert.
22:22No, I'm not expert.
22:23Oh, but you are.
22:24No, I'm not.
22:25Yes, you are.
22:26I am not an expert.
22:27Three of you?
22:28What?
22:30Three of you?
22:31Yes, there are three of us.
22:32Well, the other two aren't here.
22:33They're staying at another as well.
22:34Quick!
22:38So, it's all right, is it?
22:39What?
22:40Well, I mean, things in general.
22:41I mean, the wine's really good.
22:42Yes.
22:43And the pate was all right?
22:44Yes, I said so.
22:45And the casserole?
22:46I haven't tasted it yet.
22:48Mmm!
22:49I've not been given the chance.
22:51Oh, no.
22:52Come on, now.
22:53This is quite absurd.
22:54I do not want the omelette.
22:55It's nice.
22:56I don't want the bloody thing.
22:57I've sent it back once.
22:58Yes, give it to me.
22:59Yes, I fail to see how this sort of thing can happen.
23:01There.
23:02I've torn it up.
23:03You'll never see it again.
23:04All I wanted was a cheese salad.
23:06A cheese salad.
23:07There we are, sir.
23:08I'm so glad everything is still satisfactory.
23:10No, it is not.
23:11It is absolutely ridiculous.
23:12I mean, you are supposed to be running a hotel.
23:14My, that does look good.
23:15Yes, I've had the omelette and then I had a prawn cocktail with a bloody silly name.
23:19Look at that cheddar.
23:20It's delicious.
23:21Then I had a plate of stew and then the bloody omelette again.
23:22Yes, well, can we keep you down a little bit, please?
23:23Well, I mean, all I wanted was a cheese salad.
23:25It wasn't as though I'd ordered an elephant here on a bun, was it?
23:27Thank you, sir.
23:28Thank you, sir.
23:29You're a bald lady.
23:30Have these.
23:31It's ridiculous.
23:32Well, I'm glad we saw this.
23:33I mean, for a man who's a bald lady running a hotel, your behaviour, your behaviour is
23:36globally and globally.
23:37I'm going to have a full satisfaction now, sir.
23:40Is there anything else that's holding up against you?
23:42No!
23:43Look at that cheese.
23:44No, no, stop it.
23:45I've got free.
23:46It's alright.
23:47You're totally angry.
23:48Don't worry.
23:49A bit of cheese went the wrong way.
23:55Never mind.
23:56He's finished it.
23:57Poor chap.
23:58Bit of cheese.
23:59Yes, please.
24:03What's happened?
24:04He fainted.
24:05He fainted.
24:06Got a bit of cheese stuff.
24:07Basil, you do not faint from getting a bit of cheese stuff.
24:09I was giving him a bit of a pat on the back and he sort of moved just as I was...
24:12What have you done, Basil?
24:14Nothing.
24:15He moved just as I was trying to...
24:16Oh, my God.
24:17Call the doctor.
24:18Look, I can handle this.
24:19Call the doctor.
24:20I can handle this.
24:21I can handle this.
24:22I can handle it.
24:23I'm just a great saber-toothed tart, so we'll let my husband do it.
24:25Oh, I'm so sorry to have left you.
24:27I trust you enjoyed your meal?
24:28Yes, thank you.
24:29I was wondering...
24:30The casserole was really good, was it?
24:31Well, it was adequate.
24:32Oh, quite.
24:33Yes, exactly.
24:34I'm afraid our chef at lunch today is not our regular.
24:36Incidentally, I'm sorry about that poor chap choking himself like that.
24:38I was wondering if you had a telephone, I might use.
24:40Oh, yes, please.
24:41Don't know how you managed to do it, but...
24:43Ah, there he is.
24:44Good.
24:45Ah, Mr Hutchison.
24:46What a fight you say about that bit of cheese getting stuck in the old windpipe like that.
24:49Would you like to go in there and discuss it?
24:51No, I'd prefer to come in here and discuss it.
24:53Oh, fine.
24:54I'm afraid it's a little bit of a mess.
24:55No!
24:58Well, that lie down seems to have done you some good.
25:04Sorry.
25:05I'm not a violent man, Mr Fawlty.
25:15Yes, you are.
25:16No, no, I'm not.
25:17No, but when I'm insulted and then attacked, I prefer to rely on my own mettle than call the police.
25:22Do you, do you?
25:23Yes, I do.
25:24Now, stand up like a man.
25:25Come on.
25:26Bit of trouble with the old leg, eh?
25:27Come on!
25:28Yeah.
25:29Look what I found.
25:30Yes.
25:31I hope I've made my point.
25:33Absolutely, yes.
25:34I've been looking for that.
25:35Yes, I would just like to say,
25:36I'd just like to say that this hotel is extremely inefficient and badly run
25:39and you are a very rude and discourteous man, Mr Fawlty.
25:42Have I said something funny, Mr Fawlty?
25:44Well, sort of pithy, I suppose.
25:45Pithy?
25:46Oh, really?
25:47Well, here's the punchline.
25:48I'm going to fetch my belongings and I do not expect to receive a bill.
25:56You've handled that then, have you, Bazzar?
26:00Yes, dear, thank you.
26:01Leave it to me.
26:02Ah, incidentally, I don't know if you realise, but he's a regular customer of ours.
26:06Oh, he loves it here.
26:07It's his second home.
26:08It's just that we always have to have this little...
26:10I don't know why, but he seems to like it.
26:12Really?
26:13The only danger is, though, that somebody's going to think,
26:15he really isn't satisfied about something or the fighting's real.
26:18You know, and tell somebody.
26:19You won't mention it, will you?
26:20We'd love to offer you dinner here tonight as our guest to show our gratitude.
26:23What?
26:24Dinner tonight, would you?
26:25No, I can't tonight.
26:27Tomorrow night?
26:28I should be leaving tomorrow.
26:29I'm sorry.
26:30All right.
26:31Fifty pounds, then.
26:33Take your part?
26:34Fifty pounds.
26:35Not to mention it.
26:36Fifty pounds?
26:37Sixty.
26:38Not to write about it.
26:39You know what I mean.
26:40Articles, books, letters.
26:41I'm afraid I really don't.
26:42Oh, please.
26:43It's taken us twelve years to build this place up.
26:45Don't put this in the book.
26:46We're finished if you don't.
26:47Please don't.
26:48Book? What book?
26:49No, no, no.
26:50I swear to mention it.
26:51But...
26:52What have I done?
26:53Look, you've got me confused with someone else.
27:00I'm...
27:01I'm nothing to do with any hotel guide.
27:04I'm down here for the exhibition.
27:07I sell outboard motors.
27:10All right?
27:11I...
27:12I...
27:13You're not an inspector.
27:17No?
27:18Not on the side.
27:19No.
27:20Swear to God.
27:21Yeah.
27:22I tell you, I've nothing to do with it.
27:24Oh, thank you.
27:25Oh, thank you so much.
27:26I don't know.
27:27I don't know how I...
27:28I can ever...
27:32Thanks.
27:33Thanks.
27:38Twenty-six bedrooms, twelve with private bathrooms.
27:41Yes, well, why don't you have dinner here and Chris and I can try the Claremont.
27:44Okay.
27:45Okay.
27:46The owners won Basil Fawlty.
27:51Please, senor.
27:52Mr. Fawlty wants to say adios.
27:53He wants to...
27:54No, no.
27:55Oh!
27:56No, no, no.
27:57Sorry.
27:58I'll be here soon.
27:59Good afternoon, gentlemen.
28:00And what can I do for you three gentlemen?
28:02Oh!
28:03Oh!
28:04Oh!
28:05Oh!
28:06Oh!
28:07Oh!
28:08Oh!
28:09Oh!
28:10Oh!
28:11Oh!
28:12Oh!
28:13Oh!
28:14Oh!
28:15Good afternoon, gentlemen.
28:16And what can I do for you three gentlemen?
28:18Oh!
28:19Oh!
28:20Oh!
28:21Oh!
Recommended
28:42
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