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00:00Oh
00:30Welcome to Taskmaster. My name is Jeremy Wells and six years ago while on a high school field trip I was bitten by a radioactive and judgmental spider who was particularly good at reading autocue. Since then I've had no choice but to wield the great responsibility of being your friendly neighbourhood Taskmaster.
01:00And joining me on my hero's journey are four New Zealand comedians and also one Australian who lied on the forms and tricked her way in. Please welcome Alice Nedden, Brie Thomasel, Jack Anset, Jackie Van Beek and Pax Asadi.
01:23And to my left in a lower chair and a lower tax bracket it's my loyal assistant Paul Williams.
01:34Me thinks we shall begin with a riddle. I lie beneath a diving board.
01:46Swimming pool?
01:47Yep.
01:52That was quick wasn't it?
01:54Alright Paul, what have we asked our contestants to bring in for the prize task this week?
02:00We've asked our contestants to bring in the thing with the most feline energy that is not related to cats in any way.
02:09Pax, shall we start with you?
02:12Jeremy correct me if I'm wrong but you have a Persian father.
02:15I do.
02:16And so you're aware of how hairy Persian men are.
02:18Oh yeah.
02:19Oh yeah.
02:20Yeah yeah yeah.
02:21But you're also aware of how indifferent they are to your success.
02:25You're also aware of how when they walk into a room they expect food to be there.
02:30And you're also aware of how they shit in boxes of dirt.
02:36So I've brought a tincture of my real Iranian father's real chest hair.
02:42Oh.
02:44Wow.
02:46You weren't just looking for an excuse to shave your dad by any chance were you?
02:50I don't need an excuse, we shave each other weekly.
02:54It wouldn't have been easier maybe just to shave yourself and bring that in?
02:57You don't display the same type of feline energy?
03:00Yeah shit that would have been ripped way easier yeah.
03:03Alice.
03:04Yes.
03:05What did you bring in?
03:06Well I think we can all agree that cats are of course known for being the sexiest animal.
03:13So I thought well what's the sexiest other kind of item I could think of?
03:18And that's why I've brought in, um, yeah.
03:22Oh yeah.
03:23It's a slinky yeah.
03:24And if you've ever seen one of those things go down a set of stairs.
03:28Yeah.
03:29Well you gotta do that in private.
03:32Brie, what did you bring in?
03:33Look Jeremy I think we can all agree that cats are unpredictable, shifty, and I think something that holds all of those qualities is this.
03:45A pair of transition lenses.
03:51People who wear them, you can't trust them.
03:54They go outside, they change colour, they go inside, they might change colour, they might not.
03:59You didn't just buy these and now you just want to get rid of them.
04:02They did cost me a lot of money and at least I'm getting some use out of them Jeremy.
04:08Jackie, what did you bring in?
04:09I think we can all agree that everyone has started their sentence with I think we can all agree.
04:14I think we can all agree and I haven't thought beyond that.
04:18I think we can all agree that, um, that I searched the world and the interior of my mind.
04:27I found nothing within my mind but within the world, I found this.
04:31I'm sorry, I don't agree.
04:35What is that?
04:36It's a possum is it?
04:37All I would like to say and I don't want to take up too much of your precious time,
04:40is a hundred percent feline energy and a hundred percent nothing to do with a cat.
04:45It's a possum.
04:47It's a hundred percent possum energy?
04:48Yeah.
04:50If the task was bring in a possum, you would win.
04:54No, no, if the task was bring in a possum, I'd say this didn't just come.
04:58Jack, what did you bring in?
05:01After a few days of just staring at my cat for inspiration, um, I, um, got this portrait commissioned.
05:10Um, oh.
05:12Oh my God.
05:15Of, um.
05:17Holy.
05:19Um, me licking my own genitalia.
05:22So, oh man, I've never felt more motivated to win the episode.
05:26If you are motivated to win this episode, you're going to have to come from behind
05:30because I think one point for you and, uh, your slinky.
05:34Wow.
05:35Also, I think one point for Brie with the glasses and then I go two points for Jackie.
05:40I'll go three points for Pax.
05:42I would have given you four points if you had have brought in your mum's pubes.
05:45Yeah.
05:46Yeah.
05:47And I'll go five points for Jack because, as people know, whenever a Taskmaster contestant
05:56licks his or her own genitals, you get maximum points for him.
06:00Oh, thank you, Jeremy.
06:01Yeah.
06:02That is enough prize task patter.
06:04Let's get to the first proper task of the show.
06:07Say less, Jeremy.
06:08This task is an emotional rollercoaster.
06:19Paul.
06:20Hello, Alice.
06:21Hello, Jack.
06:22What was that?
06:23Just Taskmaster.
06:24Thank you for repping the brand.
06:26Shall I?
06:27Yes, please.
06:28Egg.
06:29How loud, please.
06:30Sorry.
06:31Drop an egg from the rollercoaster and hit the bullseye.
06:36Where's the bullseye?
06:37Can I see that from here?
06:38This will be the bullseye.
06:39Oh, wow.
06:40You have one ride of the rollercoaster.
06:41And one egg.
06:42Paul can ride on the rollercoaster in your stead.
06:44He will release the egg when you command him.
06:46You must break up with the egg before it is released.
06:48So I've got to, like, break its heart?
06:49Mm-hmm.
06:50A bonus point will be good.
06:51You must break up with the egg before it is released.
06:54So I've got to, like, break its heart?
06:56Mm-hmm.
06:57A bonus point will be given for the most dramatic break-up.
07:01Closest to the bullseye wins.
07:03Your time starts now.
07:04I got married when I was 21.
07:06And I'm 34 now.
07:07So, like, the concept of a break-up feels so foreign.
07:10Yeah.
07:11Can we get some lawyers?
07:12Okay.
07:13God, I do love when there's no lines.
07:18Are we sure that we want old Licky Licky over here
07:21repping the brand with the Taskmaster?
07:24Licky Licky!
07:25Five points.
07:26All right, mate.
07:27Five points, Licky.
07:28You were enjoying it five minutes ago.
07:32All right, I'm ready to see some breaking up
07:34and some throwing down.
07:35Who have we got first, Paul?
07:36Making an egg cracky.
07:38It's your old mate, Jackie.
07:40I think you're on the rollercoaster.
07:42I'm going to do some break-up stuff,
07:44and then I'm going to yell out,
07:45Bullseye!
07:46My advice would be to go a little bit earlier than you think.
07:50We'll see.
07:51Just because of the momentum.
07:52Eh, we'll see.
07:53Okay.
07:54It's just advice.
07:56So I'm saying good luck.
07:57Oh.
07:58Well done.
07:59Cue rollercoaster, please.
08:02Okay, Egg.
08:03Now, when I called you an egg,
08:05it's because you are one.
08:06But when you called me an egg,
08:08I mean, I just don't think it's working.
08:09Can you start calling me names?
08:11I'm out, okay?
08:12No.
08:13What?
08:14No.
08:15Don't do anything stupid.
08:16You stay melted, little one.
08:17There's more to life.
08:18Don't give up.
08:19Don't die!
08:20Don't die!
08:37Jackie, Paul doesn't normally give advice.
08:39I understand I'm not going to win this round.
08:41Okay, so I'm going to take the opportunity to say,
08:43I do regret not listening to you, Paul.
08:46That was my first day on the game.
08:47I didn't know you.
08:48I didn't trust you.
08:49I didn't necessarily like you on that first day.
08:53How awkward was the hug?
08:54I know.
08:55I really went for him.
08:56He pulled.
08:57He pulled.
08:58He recoiled.
08:59What were you scared of?
09:00I'm scared of nothing but the police.
09:04Oh, my God.
09:08Right, that's enough egg breaking and egg breakups for now.
09:11Now it's time for my third favourite kind of break,
09:13an ad break.
09:14We'll see you after this.
09:19How come I?
09:20Welcome back to Task Master.
09:21Where the good people of Rainbow's End have allowed us to use their roller coaster with seemingly no supervision?
09:36no supervision. Okay Paul, what's happening? Our contestants have been breaking up with eggs
09:41before throwing them from a roller coaster. Their target, a very large target. So far we've seen
09:47Jackie. Up next, the A-Team. Asadi, Ansett, Australian. It's Pax, Jack and Bree. Where do you
09:55want to ride Paul? I was going to stand down by the target. Oh okay, really thought you'd be on
10:01with me. That's fine. Okay, you want me to ride with you? Yeah, for moral support. Why wouldn't you?
10:07We can have fun together. Okay. Okay. You know what makes me feel comfortable Paul? Is that we're
10:15doing up our own seatbelts. You guys got a professional to check this? I think that looks
10:21good. Nothing at all to worry about. I think okay, all right, okay, here we go. Here we go. Oh here we go.
10:27After everything we've been through, you lying, you lying scum. I feel like this is our whole
10:34relationship. There's highs and there's low lows. What have I done this time? I knew you were
10:40f***ing the neighbour. I can't take the low lows anymore Paul. Are you talking to me or to the egg?
10:45Sorry, man. I'm really sorry about this. Oh, this is southern right away. Okay. I don't
10:49ever want to come on this shit! Oh my gosh! I've got a lot of work in here. You're an arsehole!
10:58You know what? Stop yelling at me! Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill you! No! I'm gonna hit him!
11:06It's over! It's over! Oh no! It went in the bush! It went in the bush!
11:23Did you see where the egg landed? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's on the other side of this fence. In the bushes.
11:28It's over here somewhere. Yeah. How did the break-up go? I called everyone a dog, I think.
11:33And then I threatened to kill them. And yeah, I just want to make it clear that I'm not going to kill anyone.
11:37It was just an outburst in the heat of the moment. I know I look like David Bain, but it's not good.
11:44Okay.
11:50Pax, it was interesting because everyone else seemed to be having an argument with their eggs, sort of having a go.
11:54Yeah. You were almost apologising and saying, what have I done wrong? Which probably has an indication about how your relationship's going.
11:59Yeah, I didn't really break up. I just, my marital issues just came out and I just let them, I let them out on an egg.
12:05Yeah, well I see that you were apologising to Paul for having the argument with the egg in front of him.
12:09In front of him. And yeah, I'm really, I'm really sorry you had to witness that, Paul. It got really ugly.
12:13That's okay. Yeah. Jack, your explanation that you weren't going to murder someone, I, for some reason, I don't know why, but I just didn't buy it.
12:22Okay. Yeah, I would like to re-emphasise I have no intention of killing anyone.
12:28That's exactly what a murderer would say. Yeah, it is.
12:31Once, once you're at the point where you're already having to make declarations about how you won't kill people, the ship's kind of sails.
12:38Alright, who's up next, Paul?
12:40Up last but not least, it's Sneddon versus Egg.
12:44Please stand Paul Williams.
12:46Thank you, Your Honour. Fine people of the jury.
12:50Tiny Tim is an egg. Egg is an egg.
12:55Miss Sneddon is a human being. Eggs belong with other eggs.
13:00That's bullshit!
13:02Quiet, quiet in the court.
13:04Sure, I might not be an egg, but that doesn't mean I can't understand what it's like to be a scared little boy.
13:10And you know what he needs more than anything to keep him from cracking? A pair of soft hands to carry him.
13:16How is Egg going to do straightforward things with Tiny Tim? Can he take him to the park? Can he take him on a roller coaster for all I care? Can he?
13:24Objection. They could just kind of loosely roll around in the leg area.
13:28Overturned.
13:40Quiet in the court.
13:42To prove that he is a fit father, Egg must ride a roller coaster one time.
13:48If he can complete the roller coaster without smashing, he will receive full custody of Tiny Tim.
13:54Your Honour, no! I will not!
13:55No, I don't want to hear it. This is completely normal and within my jurisdiction.
14:03Are you scared?
14:05No, please let me talk to my client.
14:09In all my years, as a legal professional.
14:13I've never seen this before.
14:16You just have to survive this and you'll be back with your kid.
14:20And drop!
14:21Three.
14:22Three.
14:23Three.
14:28It didn't go well.
14:30My client is dead.
14:32I wouldn't say it's a good result.
14:33Thank you, Alice.
14:34Congrats on winning the case.
14:38Okay, just a couple of quick questions for you.
14:42Yeah, sure.
14:43So, was Tiny Tim your child?
14:44Yeah, so it's interesting.
14:46Do you know what I think, in hindsight, what's made it quite complicated to understand is that I'm doing multiple characters' voices and I'm doing multiple characters' voices and I'm doing multiple characters' voices.
14:51Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to modulate and or change my voice whatsoever.
14:57But there's a lot of work.
14:58It's a lot of work.
14:59Yeah.
15:00So I'm doing multiple characters' voices.
15:13character's voices and unfortunately I don't have the ability to modulate and or change my voice
15:19whatsoever. But then at the end I clearly just kind of lost interest in the whole thing. Yeah. And
15:25I left Tiny Tim behind. After all of that? After all those legal costs? Yeah. Did you leave Paul
15:33to raise Tiny Tim? I left Paul to raise Tiny Tim. In terms of the distances to the target because
15:39that's really what we're judging here. I'm measuring from the bullseye of the target, the very centre.
15:45Brie, 8 metres 29. Oh this isn't a good start for me. Pax, 10 metres 46. Alice, 5 metres 13. Jackie, 4 metres 18.
15:56Wow. And Jack, 3 metres 39. You're taking the piss. Okay and then there's one more point for? Bonus point for the
16:07best breakup. And I think that's Alice. Okay. So that would mean one point for Pax, two points for Brie,
16:15four points for Alice, four points for Jackie and five points for Jack. There we go.
16:22Who's winning the episode so far, Paul? Out in first with 10 points, Jack Ansett.
16:28Wow. Look at how it feels. Wow. Okay, I am ready for another task, Paul. Last week we had our first
16:34team task, this week our first team task.
16:45Paul?
16:46Great.
16:47Oh, he's in the caravan.
16:49Hello, Alice.
16:50Paul?
16:51Hello, Jackie.
16:52Hello.
16:54What's that?
16:57Taskmaster deodorant. What are you trying to say?
16:59What are you trying to say?
17:01May I?
17:02Mm-hmm.
17:05Recreate an uncomfortable teenage moment with a different outcome. Biggest reversal of fortune wins.
17:14You have 40 minutes.
17:15Your time starts now.
17:17Oh God, Paul. I don't like to think about my teenage years.
17:21When I was 15 in biology class, I realised I was gay and I threw up in the toilet.
17:26So you were so homophobic.
17:28Again, a bit about myself.
17:30That it made you throw up.
17:31And then be straight for another 15 years.
17:34Wow.
17:38All right, bring on the first trip down memory lane, Paul.
17:41Let's head to the hallways of Burnside High School in Christchurch.
17:45Yeah, you?
17:45Jack Ansett.
17:46Oh no.
17:47Year 9 I was in the musical Aladdin. I guess that was triggering for me because I really wanted to be the genie.
17:57And who got the role of the genie? Thomas, his name was. So yeah, I guess I'm going to recreate
18:03the musical Aladdin and I'm going to be the genie and then I'm going to perform the hit number,
18:09friend like me.
18:09Okay, you have to do kind of a knock off.
18:11Yeah, sweet.
18:12So instead of friend like me, it could be?
18:14Colleague.
18:15A colleague like me.
18:17Yeah.
18:20Opening night.
18:21Hey, brother.
18:22Hiya, Jack.
18:23Hey, congrats on the role.
18:25Well, thank you.
18:26You've been practising hard?
18:28Big time.
18:29Well, guess what?
18:30I've been practising too.
18:32Get on the floor now.
18:34Yeah, if you make a noise, it's over for you.
18:38Now get in.
18:42Let's go.
18:49Hey, hey, hey.
18:51You ain't never had a colleague like this guy.
18:54You ain't never had a colleague that's this fly.
18:57I'll talk to you at the water cooler because I'm your genie and you're my ruler.
19:02Hey, I'm available for after work drinks.
19:05Hey, you've got three wishes.
19:07What are you, King?
19:08I'm here, never fair, because you ain't never had a colleague like this guy.
19:14Hey, you ain't never had a colleague like this guy.
19:21So instead of missing out on a leading role,
19:29you instead abducted a boy called Thomas.
19:32Correct.
19:33Pushed him into a locker.
19:34Correct.
19:35Painted yourself green and then talked about kinks.
19:38I'm not a musical person.
19:40I said I'm not going to do a musical number at any point in the series.
19:44You chose to do that though.
19:45I did do that, yes.
19:46Also, you didn't need to tell us that you're not a musical person.
19:50We saw.
19:51Oh, okay.
19:52All right, time for a break.
19:53And if you're thinking about your embarrassing teenage years,
19:56nothing makes that feeling go away faster than buying something off an advert.
20:01We'll see you in a time.
20:14Welcome back to Taskmaster.
20:16We're currently reliving our awkward teenage years.
20:19Where are we, Paul?
20:20It's time for a trip back to rural Queensland.
20:23It's Brie Thomassell.
20:25Should we do a few?
20:26You could combine.
20:27Should do my first kiss, then do my driving test, and then where I get my results from high school, which weren't good.
20:35Okay, let's go.
20:37God, this has been an absolute breeze.
20:40Whoa, look out!
20:42Are you safe?
20:44Very safe, thanks to your driving.
20:46That was some of the best driving I've ever seen.
20:49I've watched the fast and also the furious like eight times.
20:54Here is your full driver's license.
20:57Not even provisional?
20:58Correct.
21:00On the first go.
21:01First go.
21:02Thanks so much.
21:03Yeah!
21:04Mum and Dad!
21:06I'm so nervous about my end of school results.
21:08This could go really bad.
21:10Oh my God, it's the best possible result I could ever get.
21:16I could become a doctor if I wanted.
21:19Love you.
21:20Love you too, Brie.
21:22Nick Jonas?
21:23We're running while our hearts on fire.
21:31Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
21:34We're chasing dreams and climbing higher.
21:37Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
21:39Nick!
21:40Hey, Brie.
21:41What are you doing here?
21:43I've noticed you for a long time.
21:45How?
21:46You're just so noticeable.
21:49I'm so nervous.
21:53Let's go make babies.
22:03Let's go make the Jonas sisters.
22:07Wow.
22:09Wow.
22:10When that recreation first started,
22:12I thought you were going to have your first kiss
22:14with the driving instructor.
22:16That was actually what happened
22:18and I wanted to recreate a better moment.
22:20Because my driving instructor was like 68.
22:25That is the second time that Paul's been kissed
22:29on screen in Taskmaster.
22:32Ah, ah, ah.
22:33We had to shoot that scene three times.
22:36Oh, wow.
22:37And then the camera guy goes,
22:39you don't have to kiss though if you don't want.
22:41And both of us at the same time went,
22:43we'll kiss.
22:43Okay, who have we got next, Paul?
22:47Next, we're heading to the place
22:49where Auckland girls learn grammar.
22:52Auckland girls grammar.
22:53It's Alice Sneddon.
22:55Once I got an award for making a team I hadn't made.
22:58What was the team?
22:59Auckland cricket team under-16s.
23:01The next day, I still went up on stage
23:03and accepted the award
23:04because they wouldn't tell me what award
23:05I was getting at assembly,
23:07so I had to go.
23:07Then my whole family
23:11came to watch me win an award.
23:24Hello, Alice speaking.
23:26I come bearing good news.
23:28Yes?
23:28You made the Auckland under-16 cricket team.
23:32Oh my God, really?
23:33And on top of that,
23:34you will be receiving a special award
23:37at an after-hours school assembly tomorrow.
23:40Wow.
23:41Please invite your entire family
23:43to the award ceremony.
23:44Okay, thank you, Glenn.
23:48Please welcome to the stage
23:50to receive this honourary award,
23:53Alice Sneddon.
23:58I know it's a little unorthodox
24:00to give a speech at a school assembly,
24:02but it just means so much to me
24:04that the school recognises this achievement
24:06and really did their due diligence
24:08to find out that I would make the team
24:10and get this award
24:11before throwing a whole school assembly for it.
24:13So, um...
24:15Of course.
24:15Thank you so much.
24:16I really appreciate it.
24:21Screw it.
24:22Alice Sneddon Day.
24:23From here forth on,
24:25this will be Alice Sneddon Day.
24:28Alice.
24:29No, please, stop.
24:31Okay.
24:31I mean, a little bit longer.
24:34Ah, Liz.
24:35Ah, Liz.
24:36Ah, Liz.
24:37Ah, Liz.
24:38Ah, Liz.
24:42That was very cathartic to watch.
24:45And Paul was very gentle and supportive.
24:48The Glenn character.
24:49The Glenn character, I thought, was excellent.
24:51Glenn, I want to know more about Glenn.
24:52Yeah.
24:53If you were watching that
24:54and you didn't know Glenn as a person,
24:56you might be like,
24:57why is this growing man
24:58so invested in this 16-year-old girl?
25:00Yeah.
25:01But trust me,
25:02it was all above board.
25:04I can guarantee you
25:06nothing happened
25:07that I didn't want to happen.
25:11Wow.
25:12Okay.
25:13Who's up next?
25:14Now to Wellington
25:15and the streets of Johnsonville.
25:17It's Jackie Van Beek.
25:19I was a very young teenager.
25:21My breasts were beginning to develop.
25:23I was too embarrassed to get a bra.
25:26So what I decided to do
25:27was wear swimming togs the whole week.
25:30Then, of course, one day,
25:32in the changing rooms, getting changed,
25:34and a kind of acquaintance of mine said...
25:35Why are you wearing your bathing suit
25:37under your regular clothes, Jackie?
25:39And I said,
25:40because I have a swimming lesson
25:41straight after school.
25:42Like, it literally starts in, like, seven minutes
25:45and I just wouldn't have time
25:46to get changed otherwise.
25:48And she was like,
25:48oh, cool, do you go to a Keatsboro pool
25:49in Johnsonville?
25:50I said, yeah.
25:51She said...
25:51No way.
25:52I live right next to that pool.
25:54It's so funny.
25:55Yeah, I'll walk there with you.
25:57We get to the swimming pool.
25:59She loiters.
25:59I have to go into the swimming pool.
26:01Okay, well, here we are.
26:04Better go off to my swimming lesson.
26:07Okay, bye.
26:08I have to talk to the person behind the desk.
26:11Can I help you?
26:12Can you just tell me,
26:13has that girl behind me gone already?
26:15Yeah, she's gone.
26:16Oh, thank God.
26:17So what would the new outcome be?
26:19I think it will happen at the pool.
26:21I hope this isn't inappropriate,
26:23but you have an incredible physique.
26:26You have the perfect body for swimming.
26:29I think you should go in there.
26:31We're doing a championship.
26:32Is that today right now?
26:33That's happening in five minutes.
26:35So that's what I did.
26:37And I became an absolute champ.
26:40Wow.
26:44Amazing.
26:46Amazing.
26:47She's broken the fourth wall again.
26:49You love breaking the fourth wall?
26:50You love breaking the fourth wall?
26:51Yeah, because I just like to stay connected to my audience.
26:55It's beautiful.
26:55So the trauma was that you got walked to the pool by a friend?
27:00Yeah, but I didn't have a swimming lesson.
27:03I made that up.
27:04Yeah, but in your better situation,
27:06you had a pedo man in a wig.
27:09That was Glenn.
27:11He'd grown his hair out.
27:13In defense of Jackie,
27:15none of us are writing these characters as perverts.
27:17That's just sort of how Paul,
27:19the direction Paul's choosing to go.
27:23Okay.
27:23Shall we let the trauma continue?
27:25Of course, Jeremy.
27:27Finally, we're heading to Hamilton's Hillcrest High School.
27:31It's Pax Asadi.
27:32I had a crush on a girl at high school.
27:35I won't say her name,
27:36but it rhymes with Bowie.
27:37And I got a text from an unknown number
27:39while I was at Basketball Nationals.
27:41It said,
27:42Hey, Pax, this is Bowie.
27:44I've always had a crush on you.
27:45And for the entire tournament,
27:47I was texting her.
27:48And I thought I was in.
27:50And I said some,
27:51I said some things, man.
27:53Well, what I thought was we were two horny teenagers,
27:55but we weren't.
27:56It was a horny teenager texting his entire horny team.
28:04It's me, Pax Asadi,
28:06at the age of 16.
28:07Nice.
28:08Here, at high school nationals.
28:11Whoa, I got a text.
28:13Oh my God.
28:14Hi, Pax.
28:15This is your high school crush, Bowie.
28:17I am deeply in love with you.
28:19Please, I want to be with you
28:20for the rest of my life.
28:23Whoa, that's crazy, dude.
28:25He's such an idiot.
28:27He has no idea.
28:28Yeah.
28:29Hey, girl.
28:30I love you too.
28:31And I want to kiss you daily.
28:34Yeah.
28:34He replied.
28:35We're really embarrassing him.
28:36Hey.
28:37Look at the embarrassment on his face.
28:40What do you mean?
28:41It's not actually her sending the text.
28:43What?
28:44It was you guys the whole time?
28:46Oh, crack up.
28:47Crack up, eh?
28:47It's crack up.
28:48How crack up?
28:49Yeah.
28:51Bowie, what are you doing here at this basketball tournament in 2006?
28:55You should be at school.
28:55I didn't have your number, so I've been texting your teammates and asking them to pass the text
29:03on to you.
29:03So it has been you this whole time.
29:06I'm in love with you.
29:07Yes.
29:08You're a get in.
29:09Get in.
29:12So, what do we do now?
29:14I guess maybe we could get married, move to Ghana, and start a non-for-profit.
29:18Basketball-focused non-for-profit, where it's a basketball academy?
29:21Yeah.
29:24That's awesome.
29:24Ta-ta.
29:26Bye.
29:26Bye.
29:27Good luck in Ghana.
29:29Do you have a visa?
29:31Can you just go there?
29:32I guess so.
29:36Okay, so just a couple of quick points on that story.
29:38So the initial embarrassment was that your teammates witnessed your crazy horniness.
29:44Yeah.
29:45And then in the recreation, they still witnessed your crazy horniness.
29:48Yeah, but the horniness was coming from Zoe.
29:52Bowie.
29:52So Bowie, I've said it now.
29:59Zoe is texting.
30:00I'm pretty sure we all figured it out already.
30:03No, I genuinely thought it was Joey.
30:05I was thinking Joey as well.
30:06I thought it was Chloe.
30:07Yeah, I thought Chloe.
30:08No, it's jokes.
30:10It's not Zoe.
30:12All right.
30:13This is going to be quite hard to score, because I felt everybody's trauma.
30:16Oh.
30:16Yeah, yeah.
30:17But I'll give one point to Jack, because you clearly had a problem with not getting that
30:21role, but then you proved to us why you shouldn't have even got the role.
30:24I'll take that on the chin.
30:26So that's fair that you were two.
30:26Yes, yep.
30:27Jackie, I'll give you two, because you went from having an uncomfortable walk home to getting
30:33hit on by a man in a wig at a public pool reception.
30:36And then I'll go three for Alice, because obviously you went from humiliation to acceptance
30:42from Glenn.
30:44Pax, four for you.
30:46The humiliation of your teammates, that's not ideal.
30:48And then five for Bree, from the driving test to having babies with a Jonas brother.
30:53That's...
30:53Yeah.
30:54Paul.
31:00Blackout.
31:02Oh!
31:06It's worth it every time.
31:12Woo!
31:13Woo!
31:14Woo!
31:14Woo!
31:14Woo!
31:15Woo!
31:15Woo!
31:16Woo!
31:16Woo!
31:17Woo!
31:17Woo!
31:18Woo!
31:18All right, that's enough awkward transitions from childhood to adulthood.
31:22Woo!
31:23Woo!
31:24Woo!
31:25Woo!
31:26Woo!
31:27Woo!
31:28Woo!
31:29Woo!
31:30Woo!
31:31Woo!
31:32Woo!
31:33Woo!
31:34Woo!
31:35Woo!
31:36Woo!
31:37Woo!
31:38Woo!
31:39Woo!
31:40Woo!
31:41Woo!
31:42Tēnā koutou kato.
31:43Welcome back to Taskmaster, where contestants are willing to shave their fathers.
31:47Is it time for another task, Paul?
31:49Sure is, Jeremy.
31:50I accuse this tablet of containing a task.
31:53Show me task.
31:55Paul!
31:56God, it's good to see you again.
31:57Thank you for saying it.
31:58Oh, what have we got here?
32:00Oh, what have we got here?
32:01Nothing under the table.
32:02Task time.
32:03Task time.
32:04Collect the most coins.
32:05Most coins wins.
32:06You can gain a coin by successfully accusing an item of concealing one.
32:16To accuse an item, point at it and yell, show me money.
32:19I feel like that should be, show me the money.
32:21Legal reasons.
32:22You may not touch the items.
32:23Ugh.
32:24If no coin is found, you are bankrupt and disqualified.
32:25You may save your coins and walk away at any time by putting your coins in the piggy bank.
32:29Your time starts now.
32:30So, the minute I point at an object that doesn't have a coin, I'm bankrupt and disqualified.
32:34I'm bankrupt and disqualified.
32:35I'm bankrupt and disqualified.
32:36I'm bankrupt and disqualified.
32:37I'm bankrupt and disqualified.
32:39You may save your coins and walk away at any time by putting your coins in the piggy bank.
32:47Your time starts now.
32:49So, the minute I point at an object that doesn't have a coin, I'm bankrupt and disqualified.
32:54Correct.
32:55You'll receive no points.
32:57Show me money!
32:59Yes.
33:00Completely original phrase.
33:02So, this seems like a pretty simple task.
33:07It's kind of gambling, isn't it?
33:08It's gambling, yeah.
33:09Who's gambling first, Paul?
33:11Up first, Pax Saadi and Jackie Van Beek.
33:16Show me money.
33:19Aha!
33:21I knew it!
33:23Show me money.
33:24You've accused the milk.
33:26Show me money.
33:28Ooh, yeah.
33:31I knew it.
33:34Give me some money, baby.
33:36That's not the phrase.
33:37More money, more problems.
33:39All the information you need is you need to ask.
33:41Show me money.
33:43Paul's special folder contains a coin.
33:47That could be a double bluff.
33:49Remember that you can bank your coins at any time and leave with two coins banked.
33:54Yeah, but I'm a gambler.
33:56I have a theory that every single one of these items has money.
33:59Okay.
34:00Show me money, Paul.
34:03Show me money.
34:04It's a double bluff.
34:09Oh.
34:10Oh, it wasn't a double bluff.
34:12Sorry, but you're bankrupt.
34:14That theory fell over real fast.
34:16Almost instantly.
34:17Almost instantly.
34:18Yeah.
34:19And I tried to play it real cool.
34:21You did seem really cool.
34:22I was immediately wrong.
34:28That sucks, man.
34:35So, what happened in the end?
34:37Jackie lost everything?
34:39Both of them were bankrupt.
34:40Yeah.
34:41Who's next, Paul?
34:42Up next, the two cheeses.
34:44Brie and Monterey Jack.
34:47Oh, Paul.
34:48I guess we just bloody do it, eh?
34:50Do what?
34:51Just kick it in the dick.
34:52Oh.
34:54Paul's special folder.
34:55I queues it.
34:57Show me money!
34:58The folder contains a coin.
35:02This would be the obvious pick, but you're probably not going to do that.
35:05Why is the Taskmaster around the wrong way?
35:08It says MT, not TM.
35:11The wallet's empty!
35:13Yes, Paul!
35:14I got one!
35:15I'm eyeing up the milk.
35:17You thirsty?
35:18Always.
35:20Show me money.
35:22Yeah, drink it up, Paul.
35:25The milk contains a coin.
35:27I love you, Paul.
35:31Oh, there's a leaf blower.
35:34I accuse this tennis ball.
35:38You wouldn't believe what I found.
35:41Is this working?
35:43Hard to say.
35:44Are coins made out of metal?
35:47Show me money.
35:50You got me!
35:51Today, modern coins are made from nickel.
35:54Sorry, it's quite boring, Paul.
35:59Hey!
36:00Show me money.
36:01Show me money.
36:06That's right.
36:07The pot plant contains a coin.
36:10I'm so excited.
36:11I'm joking.
36:16Show me money!
36:19Show me money!
36:20This rubber duck.
36:21Show me money!
36:22There's something inside this wee hole here.
36:24Show me money!
36:25It's so fun when you win!
36:26So you're happy with that?
36:27Five coins?
36:28I honestly think I've done better than everyone else will have done at this.
36:29Three, four, five, six.
36:33Like the live studio, I want those four assholes to know how good I've done.
36:34Okay.
36:35Celebration dance.
36:36Yes, Paul.
36:37Yes, Paul.
36:38Yes, Paul.
36:39Yes, Paul.
36:40Yes, Paul.
36:41Yes, Paul.
36:42Yes.
36:43Ha!
36:44Oh!
36:45Oh!
36:46Oh!
36:47Oh!
36:48Oh!
36:49Oh!
36:50Oh!
36:51Oh!
36:52Oh!
36:53Oh!
36:54Oh!
36:55Oh!
36:56Oh!
36:57Oh!
36:58Oh!
36:59Oh!
37:00Oh!
37:01Oh!
37:02Oh!
37:03Oh!
37:04Oh!
37:09I don't know what was better, Brie, to be honest.
37:12Realising that that was MT.
37:13You must have been quite happy with yourself.
37:15Or the moonwalk.
37:16Both were pretty amazing moments.
37:18Like doing the moonwalk in unison with Paul.
37:21Are we all incredibly impressed by Paul's Michael Jackson dance move?
37:24Oh, yeah.
37:25Can you do one right now?
37:27Just one Michael Jackson dance move?
37:29Eleven achieving, thank you, Sue Austin.
37:31Woo!
37:32Oh!
37:33Oh!
37:34Excellent!
37:36Oh, oh!
37:37Woo!
37:38Woo!
37:39Woo!
37:40Woo!
37:41Woo!
37:42Woo!
37:43Woo!
37:44Woo!
37:45Woo!
37:46Woo!
37:47Whoa!
37:48Woo!
37:49Ooh!
37:50Woo obviously!
37:52Woo!
37:53Woo!
37:54Woo!
37:55It comes as no surprise to me that, pervert, Paul's favorite.
37:56they decided to bank their money after six coins.
37:59Is that right?
38:00Well, interesting point.
38:01Bri, six coins, very solid.
38:04Jack, five, very solid.
38:07But I do have to show you this.
38:08Okay.
38:09The white powder contained a coin.
38:14Do I put that in my piggy bank?
38:17If you want to bank it.
38:18Yeah, I do.
38:19Yeah.
38:21Okay.
38:22Oh, no.
38:23I didn't get it.
38:24What did I do?
38:25Oh, no.
38:25So going back to the task wording.
38:27Oh, no, Jack.
38:29You may save your coins and walk away at any time
38:32by putting your coins in the piggy bank.
38:34Are you really gonna do this?
38:35You're really gonna split hairs like this?
38:36Okay.
38:37It's quite frankly pathetic.
38:40This guy's gonna blow.
38:41He's honestly, I can feel the vibration.
38:44I think we just need to give Jack a moment
38:47to recover from that shocking revelation
38:49and we'll see you after the break.
38:55They are just going to be safe enough to do it.
38:57Yes, I will.
38:57We'll meet you next time.
38:58The good thing they're doing.
39:00Got the pain, but it's all right.
39:00This is the growth of the new China world.
39:02Look at you.
39:02I'm getting the pain that I'm going to do.
39:03I'm not going to give a great mental health problem.
39:03And then, this is the turn.
39:04Welcome back to Taskmaster,
39:06a show featuring five of New Zealand's best and brightest minds,
39:09so long as you don't count proper smart people like doctors.
39:12We are watching our contestants attempt to find coins hidden in objects.
39:18Okay, who have we got left?
39:21Get ready for Alice Sneddy.
39:24Maybe I'll just go upstairs and get some coins.
39:27Okay.
39:28Just in case that's a thing.
39:37Show me money!
39:39No use crying over spilt milk.
39:41Congratulations.
39:43Show me money.
39:49Show me money!
39:50Congratulations.
39:51Okay, I'm ready to bank.
39:52One, two, three, four.
39:57Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
40:01Now we're going over ten. Are you going to be okay?
40:03120.
40:05121.
40:06122.
40:07144.
40:08145.
40:09145.
40:10You'd like to bank those?
40:11Yes, please.
40:12When you were putting the 145th coin in the piggy bank, were you ever thinking, you know what, if I don't put in one more coin I might get beaten by Jack Ansett?
40:25Look, to be honest, I thought it was such a clear loophole that everyone was going to do it and I was worried that I was so lazy.
40:40But I'm not convinced that you're going to get away with it.
40:43I'm not convinced that you're going to get away with it.
40:44Yeah.
40:45Well, shut the f*** up!
40:47That's a great question.
40:48So collect the most coins, most coins wins.
40:51You can gain a coin by successfully accusing an item of concealing one.
40:55So essentially this task was do whatever the f*** you want.
40:58No, we just didn't read it through.
41:00It was reading comprehension.
41:02Legally, I think it works.
41:04Yeah, totally, it does work.
41:05It was a good point.
41:07It was a good point.
41:08So how would you want to score, so Jack and Pax, they were both bankrupt.
41:12One point?
41:13One point.
41:14One point, yeah.
41:15And then I would give three points for Jack.
41:17Oh, thank you so much.
41:18And then I'd go four points for Brie.
41:20Yep.
41:21And then I'd go five points for Alice.
41:22The winner of the task is Alice Sneddon.
41:25Shall we have a look at the episode scores so far?
41:28It's very close, there's only one point in it.
41:30But out in first with 14 points, Jack and set.
41:33Oh!
41:38Okay, head up onto the stage for the final task of the show.
41:45Alright Paul, what are we doing tonight?
41:47Alice Sneddon, please read the task.
41:49Make the tallest freestanding structure.
41:52You may only use balloons, tape, your pool noodles and umbrella.
41:58You have five minutes to construct your tower, after which it must stand on its own for ten seconds.
42:04Shit.
42:06On my whistle.
42:07Okay, this is getting out of hand.
42:18Get out of my box.
42:19Please, get out of my...
42:20That's what she said.
42:21What's the thinking, Alice?
42:23I don't want to say it out loud.
42:24I'd rather not comment.
42:25Oh, I'm going to spend five minutes trying to find this thing.
42:28Oh, I just hit myself in the face with a dick.
42:30I'm really regretting wearing a skirt, Paul.
42:40What do you think that looks like?
42:41I'm going to add two balloons just there for you.
42:43Oh, okay.
42:44Maybe a rocket ship.
42:45Oh.
42:46Oh.
42:47Oh.
42:48Oh.
42:49Oh.
42:50Shit.
42:54Oh, no.
42:55Oh, no.
42:56I don't know what to do.
42:57I'm panicking.
42:58I thought there were three of these.
42:59Can I borrow one of yours?
43:00Can I borrow that yellow?
43:01No!
43:02Oh!
43:03I've got a spare.
43:04A spare tall one.
43:05Oh, no, shorty.
43:06Okay.
43:07My noodle's so flaccid!
43:08Brie is a hot mess.
43:09Brie, just a reminder, it has to stand up.
43:11I know, Paul.
43:12Okay.
43:13I don't have any ideas.
43:19Oh, Jack.
43:20Oh.
43:23Ow.
43:24Ow.
43:25Ow.
43:26Ow.
43:27Careful with that.
43:28Sorry.
43:31I can't get the tape off!
43:32Ten seconds.
43:33I have to win.
43:34The step is so...
43:37Step away.
43:38Step away, Brie.
43:39Hands away.
43:41Jack.
43:42Step away, Jack.
43:43Step away.
43:50Okay.
43:51Everyone leave everything up here.
43:52Head on down.
43:55And we'll measure them.
43:56Come on, Jack.
43:57Let's go.
43:58Come on, Jack.
43:59Come on, Jack.
44:00Come on.
44:01Let's go.
44:02Come on.
44:03All right.
44:06What happened there, Paul?
44:08Who won?
44:09Who lost?
44:10And who's somewhere in between?
44:11Firstly, the elephant in the room.
44:13Mm.
44:14Do we accept Jack's tower?
44:16Can I...
44:17Do I get the chance?
44:18No, you don't.
44:19Yep.
44:20I think we all know that that's unfair to everybody else because everyone else built a structure
44:23from the base.
44:24Oh-ho.
44:25It was freestanding.
44:26Jack's was still attached to him.
44:27In that case, Brie, 25 centimetres.
44:30Mm-hmm.
44:31Jackie, 68 centimetres.
44:32Happy with that.
44:33Alice, 1 metre 48.
44:36Pax, 1 metre 50.
44:39Oh, you're joking.
44:40Two centimetres in it, yes.
44:43So that's one point for Jack.
44:45Two points for Brie.
44:46Three points for Jackie.
44:47Four points for Alice.
44:49And five points for Pax Society.
44:51Wow.
44:52Wow.
44:53Paul, I think it'd be a good time to have a little bit of a series score update.
45:01Okay.
45:02It's very close.
45:03Out in first with 50 points, Jackie Van Beek.
45:09Wow.
45:10But who is the winner of Episode 3 of Taskmaster Season 6?
45:15With 17 points, the winner of Episode 3 is Alice Sneddon.
45:19Oh.
45:22Okay.
45:23Congratulations, Alice.
45:24Please head up and enjoy your bounty.
45:26She loves the push.
45:27Do you want to come with me, Jack?
45:28Come on.
45:29Come on.
45:30Come on, Jack.
45:31Okay.
45:32Ka ke te ano.
45:33We'll see you next time.
45:35You're still holding it.
45:52Welcome to Taskmaster.
45:54The show that comedians say yes to because they're desperate to reinvent themselves.
45:58Oh no!
46:00Or in Jack and Seth's case, invent themselves.
46:04Oh, Jack's the weakest link.
46:06Oh!
46:08Okay, by round of applause, who knows who I am?
46:15Oh my God.
46:16Oh my God!
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