Skip to playerSkip to main content
Ameribrit
  • 7 weeks ago

Category

✨
People
Transcript
00:00Pull!
00:02Pull!
00:12Yes!
00:14Oh, ma'am.
00:16Au revoir!
00:20Yeah! Oh, no!
00:22Ha ha ha!
00:24Ooh!
00:26Ha!
00:28Yeah!
00:34Nau mai piki mai and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38My name is Jeremy Wells and if you're watching this on demand,
00:42please feel free to skip ahead six seconds to when this introduction is over
00:46and we finally get to the good bit when I tell you that I am the Taskmaster.
00:52With me on stage tonight are five winners of life and losers of tasks.
01:00Please put your hands together for Alice Sneddon!
01:04Brie Thomasell!
01:06Jack Ansett!
01:08Jackie Van Beek!
01:10And Pax Asadi!
01:12And next to me, as always, because every principal first violinist needs someone by their side playing second fiddle.
01:22It's the one, the only, Paul Williams!
01:28I am ready for a prize task, Paul.
01:32What have we asked the contestants to do tonight?
01:34This week, we've asked our contestants to bring in the two best things that rhyme.
01:42I think we should start with Jack.
01:46Musicians, they rhyme.
01:48Would we all agree?
01:49Yes, yes.
01:50So, I DM'd a whole lot of them and I guess just through my high profile,
01:56I managed to get Susie Kato!
02:04Yes!
02:05And famous New Zealand rapper, Young Sizzle.
02:10Young Sizzle looks a lot like Young Jack Ansett.
02:17Oh, we hear that all the time.
02:19So they make rhymes?
02:20Yeah.
02:21Oh, but their names don't rhyme.
02:22No, they don't, but they rhyme.
02:24If you've made that one up, why not go to the effort of giving them a name that rhymes with Susie Kato?
02:32It feels like I'm really going to say see you, see you later to five points here.
02:37Jackie, what did you bring in?
02:38Two things that rhyme, a nail and some mail.
02:42Hmm.
02:43Now, the nail is self-explanatory and the mail, a little bit of a back story.
02:47So, I have a wonderful marriage.
02:52And my husband and I communicate very well about all of the big things.
02:56With the small things, not so great.
02:58End of last year, we get a parking ticket, didn't really sit down and talk about it.
03:01Neither of us paid the fine.
03:03Then, I come home, there's a letter from Bay Corp on the table opened, threatening court action if I don't pay it.
03:10So, yet again, Jessie and I don't communicate about that, but we both pay it.
03:15And then, we got sent this letter.
03:19I've never seen a form from Bay Corp saying, please stop paying it.
03:24And I am willing to give this to the person who wins this ep, and if you can be bothered filling out the form, you get the refund.
03:31Wow.
03:32Right.
03:33That's good.
03:34Yeah, that's good.
03:35So generous.
03:36Okay.
03:37Pax, what did you bring in?
03:38We all agree that immigration is a good thing.
03:40Absolutely.
03:41Yeah.
03:42Paul was saying something.
03:43Yeah, I know Paul's beliefs.
03:44Yeah.
03:45I know Paul's beliefs.
03:46But I believe that without immigration, you guys would mostly just be eating mashed potatoes.
03:51Shepard's pie.
03:52Yeah.
03:53Like, we hate white people food.
03:55You hate mashed potatoes?
03:56We pretend to like it for employment reasons.
03:59Anyway, so what I've brought is two things that my people have brought to New Zealand that have enhanced the culinary experience.
04:06And that is, rice and spice.
04:12They rhyme.
04:14They rhyme.
04:15Saffron.
04:16Honourly with you, I do not know what saffron is.
04:19And you know what, Jack?
04:21That checks out.
04:22Alice, what did you bring in?
04:25Well, Jeremy, I think you'd agree one of the things we share in common is a love for 90s sitcom star Christina Applegate.
04:35Yeah, there she is.
04:36Truly the best at what she does.
04:38I mean, could you name a better actor in her field?
04:41There you go.
04:42Yeah.
04:43That's exactly my point.
04:44And you know, I thought, what?
04:46What could possibly rhyme with her that would live up to the standard that she sets?
04:51And then it hit me.
04:52Christina Applegate and the Sistina Chapel, mate.
04:56Oh yeah.
04:58So, are you saying that that's the Sistina Chapel, like the...
05:04No, I'm saying Sistine Chapel, but I'm doing the respectful thing and doing a bit of an Italian accent.
05:10Oh wow.
05:11Sorry Brie, apologies.
05:12I'm okay with it.
05:13Okay, great.
05:14Sistina!
05:15I think go harder.
05:16Yeah, go harder.
05:17Yeah, go harder.
05:18Yeah.
05:19Brie, what did you bring in?
05:20This is easy for me, because my two favourite things in the whole world actually rhyme.
05:25Which is art, and of course, fart.
05:29Oh.
05:30Oh.
05:31Hold on, that's just a jar.
05:32Now hold on, hold on.
05:33You might think that this is just a fart in a jar.
05:38And on one hand, you'd be correct.
05:41But it needs more context as to why it is art.
05:50Oh my gosh.
05:52Oh my gosh.
05:56Incredible.
05:57That is amazing.
06:01It's an art fart.
06:02Wow.
06:03Yeah.
06:04No, that's five points right there.
06:05Yes!
06:09Pax, four points for you.
06:10Yes!
06:11Anything that nourishes billions is worth four points.
06:13I agree.
06:14Susie Cato and Young Sizzle, I'll give you three points for that, Jack.
06:19Wow.
06:20Nice, Jack.
06:21Nail and nail.
06:22Jackie, it rhymes, so I'll give you two points.
06:24And then one point for Alice, because it didn't even rhyme.
06:26Oh.
06:27Oh, wow.
06:28So at the start of episode five, Brie is running away with it in first place, and Alice is leaving
06:34it where it is and having a lie down.
06:36Right.
06:37Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, Paul.
06:42Here's one that will separate the posers from the athletes.
06:46What are you doing?
06:47You could have done this before I came through the sheet.
07:01There's nothing on it.
07:03What are you doing there?
07:05It helps.
07:06That's what you do, isn't it?
07:07Oh, okay.
07:08Take the most…
07:11Mind-blowing photo…
07:13On the camera on the tripod.
07:15Most mind-blowing photo wins.
07:18The camera will take one photo exactly…
07:22Five minutes after Paul says the phrase…
07:27Great day for it.
07:29I can't read the next bit.
07:31Maybe we could just read it from the task in your pocket.
07:34No, should I just give you this one?
07:36Oh, that's nice.
07:37Your time starts during the next task.
07:41Oh, wow.
07:42So I don't do it now.
07:43I do it during the next task.
07:44I have to take the most mind-blowing photo.
07:45Mm-hmm.
07:48Okay.
07:49See you soon.
07:50See you soon.
07:51Hello, Jack.
07:55Hello, Alice.
07:56Welcome.
07:57You don't need to welcome me.
07:59Well, I just did.
08:00You're welcome.
08:01No, no, you're welcome.
08:02You're welcome.
08:03You're welcome, man.
08:04Welcome.
08:06You welcome.
08:14Kick the ball into the caravan.
08:16Fewest kicks wins.
08:18You may attempt this as many times as you want.
08:21However, if you start again…
08:23All prior attempts are wiped.
08:25You must start from the spot in the study.
08:28You have 20 minutes.
08:29Your time starts now.
08:34So in terms of the task, Paul…
08:36Yes.
08:37There's two parts to it.
08:38There is.
08:39Kick a ball into the caravan, as few kicks as possible.
08:42And then during that task, at some point, I'll say the phrase, great day for it.
08:46And then they have five minutes to get to the lab and take the most mind-blowing photo.
08:49Okay.
08:50Excellent.
08:51Right.
08:52Whose minimum kicks and maximum looks are we going to see first?
08:55By the way, Paul…
08:56Mm-hmm.
08:57You're welcome.
08:58All Jokes Asadi is one of my favourite comedians.
09:03Please welcome Pax Asadi.
09:05Yeah!
09:07Get in!
09:08Get in!
09:09That's one kick.
09:15You…
09:16Yes!
09:17That's five.
09:18That's six.
09:19You've got 14 minutes.
09:20Okay.
09:26That turned the wrong way at the end.
09:28That's seven.
09:30Get over.
09:31Glenfield Rovers.
09:32Under-12's top goalscorer.
09:38It went in.
09:39That was good, eh?
09:40Yeah.
09:41Yeah.
09:42Thanks, Paul.
09:43Wait, you don't want to try any more?
09:45Do another one and wipe that one.
09:46No way.
09:47That's a great day for it.
09:48That's the phrase.
09:49What is?
09:50Either it's a great day for it or let's go fishing.
09:51And I feel like you haven't said let's go fishing so it must be that it's a great day
09:52for it.
09:53Let's go fishing.
09:54What?
09:55I'm super keen for fishing.
09:56Paul, get in here.
09:57I can't remember how much time I had.
09:58I'm not sure either.
09:59Sorry.
10:00Let's just practise.
10:01Three, two, one.
10:02That's good.
10:03Okay, now what do we do?
10:04Well, I'm not sure.
10:05I'm not sure either.
10:06I'm not sure either.
10:07Sorry.
10:08Let's just practise.
10:09Three, two, one.
10:10That's good.
10:11Okay, now what do we do?
10:12Well, I'm not sure.
10:13I'm not sure either.
10:14Sorry.
10:15That's good.
10:16Okay, now what do we do?
10:17Well, I don't know when it's going to go off, so do we have to constantly jump?
10:22I guess so.
10:23I also don't know if the phrase is let's go fishing or it's a good day for it because
10:29you said both.
10:30Was that it?
10:34Yeah.
10:35Okay, so what was going to be mind blowing about two guys on a mop?
10:47Um, uh, nothing.
10:50I'm quite happy with my kicks though.
10:52Yeah.
10:53Glenfield Rovers, under 12?
10:54Under 12's top goalscorer.
10:55Yeah, I can see why.
10:56What sport was Glenfield Rovers?
10:58Soccer.
10:59Oh.
11:02Burn.
11:03Burn.
11:04What does that mean?
11:05I've said all I need to say.
11:08Alright, get ready.
11:09We're going to take a photo of you as soon as the ad break is up.
11:13So, you better be back here by then and you better be looking your best.
11:17Your time starts now.
11:33Welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:35Right, what were we doing Paul?
11:37Our contestants were trying to complete two tasks at once.
11:41They had to get the ball in the caravan with as few kicks as possible and five minutes after
11:45I said the phrase great day for it, they had to pose for the most mind blowing photo in the lab.
11:50Right, whose kicks and snaps are we going to see next Paul?
11:54It's ladies night.
11:56Go off, Queens.
11:57It's time for my gals, Alice, Bree and Jackie.
12:02Shall we start?
12:03Mm-hmm.
12:06Would you consider this a kick?
12:11Is that a kick?
12:12Didn't think so.
12:15Okay, I'm going to start again.
12:19Shit.
12:24Because my foot's not...
12:26Oh, shit.
12:33Shit.
12:34No, that's gone badly.
12:35Okay.
12:36Great day for it.
12:37Oh, come on.
12:39Great day for it.
12:44It's a great day for it.
12:45It really is, okay.
12:50That's four.
12:51So what are you doing, setting a timer?
12:52Yeah.
12:55That's five.
12:56I'm going again.
12:59Don't look at me like that.
13:04You've got 14 minutes 45.
13:06Far out.
13:07Time management.
13:15Oh, pretty good, Paul.
13:16Okay, let's go.
13:17Photo time, Paul.
13:19Three.
13:22Let's go take a photo.
13:24Are you sure?
13:25Positive.
13:26Oh, shit.
13:29Will we know if the photo's been taken?
13:31It'll be flash.
13:32Oh!
13:37Oh, no.
13:39I don't think this is possible.
13:40Ah!
13:42Oh!
13:43That's going to be one hell of a fun.
13:44Okay, quick, Paul.
13:45Back up here.
13:46Okay.
13:47Not bad.
13:48Rugby plays do it.
13:49Oh, man.
13:50This might be my greatest moment on Taskmaster yet.
13:53Count me down from 10.
13:54You want to wait till there's 10 seconds left?
13:55Yep.
13:56So you're trying to give yourself more pressure.
13:57Yeah.
13:58Eight.
13:59Seven.
14:00Six.
14:01Five.
14:02Happy with that.
14:04Happy with that.
14:06Brie, you went for the...
14:07Down on your knees blowing technique.
14:08Yeah.
14:09I'm happy with that.
14:10Brie, you went for the down on your knees blowing technique.
14:37You wanted a mind-blowing photo, I gave you the opposite in the other task.
14:44Jackie, in terms of kicking the ball, can you define what a kick is?
14:50So what I was attempting to do there was I wedged it in between my two ankles, kept the contact going,
14:55so I'd started the kick but I hadn't finished the kick, so it was still kick one.
15:02That's one kick.
15:03Yeah, no, we get the idea.
15:05But I was really excited about my photo.
15:07I'm feeling pretty good about my photo now.
15:11Before we get to the photos, how about kicks?
15:14So Pax was nine kicks.
15:16Alice, her final attempt, five kicks.
15:19Wow.
15:20Brie, five kicks.
15:23Jackie, there was some hopping.
15:26A little.
15:27But seven kicks.
15:28Yeah, I really thought my nine kicks was good.
15:30It is good, Pax, just not as good as five.
15:33Or seven.
15:34I'll tell you what the good news is that there's still one person to go.
15:37And he is unbelievably uncoordinated.
15:40Ready, and set, and go.
15:43Okay.
15:44First kick.
15:46I'm going to hit it over the...
15:49I'm just going to do what we call in the business a trick shot.
15:55Okay.
15:56Okay.
15:57Don't count that, Paul.
15:59I'm counting every kick.
16:01Whoa!
16:02Okay.
16:03And we go down.
16:04Kick the bull into the caravan, they say.
16:07Yes.
16:08Simple task.
16:09Great day for it.
16:10Oh, shit.
16:11Sorry, Paul.
16:12It's 20.
16:13Do you reckon I should try that again?
16:14Probably.
16:15I'm going to try it again.
16:16Okay.
16:17Through the kitchen.
16:18Shit.
16:19Through the kitchen.
16:20Through the kitchen.
16:21Through the kitchen.
16:22Through the kitchen.
16:23Through the kitchen.
16:24Through the kitchen.
16:25Through the kitchen.
16:26Through the kitchen.
16:27Through the...
16:28Yes.
16:29Through the kitchen.
16:30Through the kitchen.
16:31Through the kitchen.
16:33Through the...
16:39Through the kitchen.
16:41Okay, I'm happy with that.
16:44No!
16:46Through the kitchen.
16:48Yes! Yes!
16:51Two.
16:53That's three.
16:54Yes, yes, yes. Three.
16:56Four.
17:01That was the most successful moment in the history of this show!
17:16Oh!
17:18Yes!
17:20Thanks, Paul.
17:21Thank you, Jack.
17:29I don't even hear.
17:31Great work from you, Jack. Great kick.
17:33Yeah.
17:34But you obviously missed the second part of that task.
17:37Are you happy with that?
17:38It was an abstract shot?
17:40I don't know if you know much about the photography field, Jeremy,
17:43but sometimes silence speaks volumes.
17:46Yeah.
17:47So, in terms of the kicks...
17:49Jack, four kicks.
17:51Wow.
17:52Yeah, well that's good.
17:53Alright.
17:54He restarted 22 times.
17:56Yeah.
17:57Okay, so one point for Pax.
17:58Yep.
17:59Two points for Jackie.
18:00Three points for Bree and Alice.
18:02And then five points for Jack.
18:04I think that's fair.
18:07Okay.
18:08Should we take a look at these mind-blowing photos and judge them?
18:11Yes.
18:12Wow.
18:14I look like I'm birthing Paul.
18:17And that's pretty mind-blowing.
18:19Jackie, what have you got on underneath that jacket?
18:21Nothing.
18:22Good.
18:23Okay.
18:24It's pretty clear to me.
18:25Obviously, Jack is one.
18:26Okay.
18:27Alice is two.
18:29You and Pax on the mop, three.
18:32Okay.
18:33Bree birthing you, four.
18:35Yes.
18:36And Jackie with no clothes on, with an overcoat, five.
18:39Okay.
18:40Thank you very much.
18:41Thank you very much.
18:42Thank you very much.
18:43Okay, so how has that affected the overall scores then?
18:45Leading episode five with 12 points, Bree Thomas-L.
18:51Early days.
18:52Early days.
18:53Let's keep it moving, shall we?
18:55What have you got next for me?
18:56Hear my voice, I entreat.
18:58It's time for another task.
19:00Oh.
19:01Paul.
19:02Paul Williams.
19:03Hello, Paul.
19:04Oh, patriotic.
19:05Mm-hmm.
19:06Oh.
19:07Improve our national anthem.
19:08Biggest improvement wins.
19:09You have 40 minutes.
19:10Your time starts now.
19:11Oh, boy.
19:12How does it go?
19:13God.
19:14Oh.
19:15Oh.
19:16Oh.
19:17Oh.
19:18Oh.
19:19Oh.
19:20Oh.
19:21Oh.
19:22Oh.
19:23Oh.
19:24Oh.
19:25Oh.
19:26Oh.
19:27Oh.
19:28Oh.
19:29Oh.
19:30God of nations.
19:31At thy feet.
19:33In the bonds of.
19:36De-de-de-de-de.
19:37Maybe we bleep every word or reference to thing that I'm not comfortable with.
19:43God?
19:44Beep.
19:45From the shaft?
19:46What shaft are we talking about?
19:48Shafts?
19:49Absolutely not.
19:50The national anthem, when does it play?
19:52Before epic sporting moments.
19:55Do you remember an epic sporting moment from any of my tasks?
20:00Recently.
20:01I think we need to scrap the English.
20:03Do you speak any other languages?
20:05I speak Farsi.
20:06Okay.
20:07Which is the language of Iran.
20:08I think New Zealand would be like on board with that.
20:10I feel like we go for like a pitbull type of vibe.
20:13Because nothing gets me more hyped than Mr. Worldwide.
20:17Agreed.
20:18Coolo.
20:19You don't look particularly excited about watching this task Brie.
20:26This is the one task that I hope would be cut from the show.
20:30Brie has said that to us in the green room times.
20:32She says it every morning.
20:34I've lived here for eight years.
20:36And I've done a lot of stuff that I thought would get me deported.
20:39But I'm pretty positive that this will be it.
20:43I've also done a lot of stuff that could get me deported.
20:45But I was born here.
20:46So you can't do anything about it suckers!
20:49Whose anthem are we going to hear first Paul?
20:51It's Alice Sneddon.
20:53The New Zealand national anthem.
20:58It's just not good enough.
21:00I have reconstructed it.
21:01Both to give it a sicker beat.
21:03And to get rid of any language I deemed offensive.
21:09I should have done a mihi.
21:11A f*** at thy feet.
21:20In the bombs of love we meet.
21:24E-V-A-T.
21:25Hear our voices.
21:27We ask of you.
21:31Our free land.
21:34Pacific's triple star.
21:39From the.
21:40Of.
21:41And.
21:42Make.
21:43Earth.
21:44Of.
21:45A.
21:46New Zealand.
21:51Firstly let me congratulate you for adding that sick beat.
22:06Can we go through some of the words that you took issue with and cut out?
22:11Yeah.
22:12Firstly the word nations which is quite important I guess if it's a national anthem.
22:18Well I just think you know what's nationalism ever done for us?
22:22What about the word guard?
22:25Guard was gone?
22:26Um.
22:27Um.
22:28Cause I think why be guarded?
22:31Vulnerability is the most powerful thing that you could ever have.
22:35I hear you.
22:36Like guarded from the truth.
22:37And then you replace the word meat with meat.
22:40Yeah that's just a personal preference.
22:42I'm ready for another anthem Paul.
22:45Draped in a flag with the Union Jack it's Union Jack Ansett.
22:50And sit.
22:54Lord of nations at thy feet.
22:59In the bonds of love we meet.
23:05Hear our voices we entreat.
23:11God defend our free land.
23:17God by civics triple star.
23:23From the shoves of stride and war.
23:29Make our praises heard afar.
23:36God defend New Zealand.
23:58I think I along with a lot of people at home will be asking the question there Jack.
24:02In what way is that an improvement?
24:04My amazing kick was included.
24:07What's happening at any sporting event you're turning up to say the All Blacks are playing.
24:11Yeah.
24:12You sing the anthem and then on the big screens they play you kicking a ball in Taskmaster.
24:15Yes.
24:16Into a caravan.
24:17Jack Jack be honest.
24:18Is it just because you wanted us to see your awesome kick again?
24:21Cause it was an awesome kick.
24:22I just think you guys are all ganging up on the young guy because I'm an easy target.
24:26And that is a reflection on you as comedians.
24:29You get the low hanging fruit.
24:31Only you could make being a straight white man in comedy.
24:36The low hanging fruit.
24:40I'm just not listening.
24:41You guys carry on.
24:42I'm just going to play on my phone.
24:43Carry on.
24:45We've got three more national anthems to go but first let's enjoy the global anthem of ads.
24:51It's time for more of them.
24:52We'll see you in a moment.
24:53Welcome back to Taskmaster.
24:54The five comedians are working as hard as they can to win Susie Cato and Art Green's fart.
25:00Welcome back to Taskmaster. The five comedians are working as hard as they can to win Susie
25:12Kato and Art Green's fart. What were we doing before the break Paul? Our comedians were
25:18attempting to improve the national anthem. So far we've seen Alice Sneddon censor half
25:23the words and Jack Ansett turn the celebration of our nation into the celebration of himself.
25:28Excellent stuff. And as always, please address all of your complaints to those comedians directly.
25:34Thanks very much. Who's up next Paul? Up next with some light treason, it's Pax Asati.
25:40Are you ready? Yeah. Are you proud of what we created? I'm not sure what you've created.
25:45Well I'm gonna be honest with you, I've gone in like a slightly different direction.
25:49Okay. But still I think middle New Zealand and the South Island are gonna love it. And you
25:54are wholeheartedly endorse everything I'm about to sing, yeah? I don't know what you're about
25:58to sing. But just yes or no? Yes. Okay. Unravel the flag. Music!
26:05home to mulher
26:13Mads
26:14Mads
26:18Mads
26:21Mads
26:22Mads
26:26Mads
26:27Mads
26:28Mads
26:30Mads
26:31Mads
26:32ཁང སླ ཁང དེས ངས དེས ཀྡོང དེུའར ¡ཁྲུན ཏུས ཁང ཁང སྲང!
26:42PAX AS HAME BOHUSHTARE
26:46PAX ASADI ZENDEBOD
26:48PAX ASADI ZENDEBOD
26:56Kia kaha New Zealand
27:02So Pax, did you improve the national anthem or did you write an anthem for a new quasi-Iranian military dictatorship?
27:10Yeah, it's a national anthem for a new state that is located in Newland
27:18Where I live
27:19The beret was an interesting move
27:21It felt quite Gaddafi-esque
27:24It suited you way too much
27:26Yeah, yeah
27:27And you know, I miss Gaddafi
27:31Oh sorry, I miss Gaddafi
27:35Holy shit
27:37I think I'm ready for another anthem, Paul
27:40Wobbledy-dabbedy-freeish is Jackie Van Beek
27:44Hello, you may not recognise me, but my name is Jackie Van Beek
27:47I'm just wearing a wig
27:48We are going to sing the national anthem for you
27:51But this version will be entirely in gibberish
27:54A language that everybody loves and knows
27:57Okay, hit it Paul, give me my starting note
27:59You may be a road worker
28:01You may be a road worker
28:05You may be a road worker
28:19You may be a road worker
28:21Geruch
28:32Colony
28:34B TOM był
28:36For the
28:37For the
28:38For the
28:39Biiiii fuuuu brrrrrrruuuu.
28:45Is that German?
28:46No, German, ciao.
28:48Ciao.
28:49Or should I say Auf Wiedersehen?
28:55Beautiful.
28:57I'm sure you won't mind me asking Jackie, what the hell was that?
29:01I've tried to make our national anthem more accessible, something that everybody can sing,
29:06you can improvise it, you don't need to learn the words.
29:08Jackie, I don't know if you've been to like a school assembly in the South Island, but that's how they sing the national anthem already.
29:15Okay, you've got one more national anthem for me, Paul.
29:18She's here to answer the question we've all been asking for years.
29:22What if instead of being written by the Irish poet Thomas Bracken in 1876, our national anthem was written by the Cuban-American rapper Pitbull?
29:32Finally, we'll know for sure, here she is, Brie Tomasell.
29:38We're going down under for this one!
29:43Where the huck, who is it?
29:45We love ya!
29:48Mrs.0610 in the house!
29:52And that's Paul Cullo!
29:58Cullo!
29:59Team of legends, Cody's neat.
30:01Hear our voices, we entreat.
30:03Beyonce defend our free land.
30:06Got our pies and local tans.
30:08From those wallabies and English clans.
30:10Beyonce defend New Zealand!
30:15Go Paul!
30:16Let's see you shibby!
30:20New Zealand!
30:27We out!
30:28Stay golden, pony boy.
30:35That was impressive work.
30:36I mean, I never would have thought of rhyming tans with New Zealand.
30:41I'm a lyricist.
30:42Why was Beyonce defending New Zealand?
30:45That's the only question I have to ask.
30:46Look, I had a full-blown panic attack writing the lyrics and it was the only person I could think of.
30:52Replacing God, I believe.
30:54Oh, okay.
30:55Yeah.
30:56So, for me, it's who did the least damage to the national anthem, not who improved it.
31:02I don't think anyone improved it.
31:03Okay, I'll be honest.
31:04Not only did I did audible audio damage, but I also probably did a lot of political damage.
31:08So, um, that's an issue.
31:10I'm pleased you say that and that's why I'm going to give you one point.
31:13Jackie, I'll give you two points.
31:15Jack, three points for you.
31:17Okay.
31:18I think every sporting triumph that we've ever had was humiliated by what you did, but still, that's fine.
31:25Four points for you, Alice, because it wasn't as crap as the other ones.
31:31And then, believe it or not, Bree, you're going to get five for Vibe.
31:34Wow!
31:39We need to take a quick break so that we can formally write to the New Zealand government
31:43and apologise for what we've just done.
31:44We'll see you after this.
31:47Koukoumai, welcome back to Taskmaster, the only show brave enough to admit that writing
32:02the New Zealand national anthem is harder than it looks.
32:05I think it's best that we move on to another task, Paul.
32:08Jeremy, this task involves clowns, but enough about the contestants.
32:13Here it is.
32:14Hi, Paul.
32:15Hello, Jack.
32:16How are we?
32:17Not good.
32:18Oh.
32:19Aha.
32:20Jackie.
32:21Oh!
32:22You found your siblings.
32:23It's not nice.
32:24I was just going to go and check out the gold rush.
32:25Time for a task.
32:31Alrighty.
32:32Get a ball into a clown's mouth.
32:33If attempting from the closest spot.
32:34You may use the spoon.
32:35If attempting from the further spot.
32:36The clowns will not be moving.
32:37If successful from the further spot.
32:38Your time will be halved.
32:39If successful from the further spot.
32:40Your time will be halved.
32:41You may not move the spots.
32:42Both feet must be on your spot.
32:43Your time starts now.
32:44Okay.
32:45Can I do one and then decide to do another one?
32:46You can switch.
32:47Okay.
32:48Sweet.
32:49This does seem too difficult as time.
32:52Because there is still one one.
32:53Lovely.
32:54And now we've got fingers percyoned out.
32:55Is not underneath you face noise?
32:56The next step, we can always put the ball into a clowns' mouth.
32:57Nice and chores.
32:58If you come and don't take a little hand.
32:59Dogs get a ball into a clown's mouth.
33:00That's disgusting.
33:01If attempting from the closest spot.
33:02You may use the spoon.
33:03If attempting from the further spot.
33:04The lenses拍s the spine.
33:05If attempting from the further spot.
33:06The clowns will not be moving.
33:07If successful from the further spot.
33:08Your time will be halved.
33:09If successful from the further spot.
33:10You may not move the spots.
33:11Both feet must be on your spot.
33:12Your time starts now.
33:13Okay.
33:14Sweet.
33:17So this doesn't seem too difficult, this task?
33:19No, really straightforward.
33:21Get one ball in the clown's mouth.
33:23Okay.
33:24Who's feeding the clown's mouth first, Paul?
33:26They're the only parents this season,
33:28so hopefully they've had some experience feeding a human being.
33:31It's Jackie and Pax.
33:34Quick question.
33:35If I throw you the ball, you could pop it in for me?
33:37You could try.
33:38Here we go.
33:39So just pop...
33:40Okay, that's not very cool.
33:44It's a confidence game.
33:47Maybe it'd be better if I closed my eyes.
33:50Oh!
33:51Get in the mouth!
33:52It's a weird thing to yell.
33:53Paul, could you just put the scurry around and collect the balls for me, please?
33:56Can I change my choice?
33:57You can.
33:58Just a couple more tries.
34:01Okay, I've changed.
34:03Okay.
34:04I think I'm going to change tack.
34:05Can I have the clowns moving and not use the spoon?
34:08You may use the spoon, but you don't have to.
34:11Okay, well now that you say that, I want to use the spoon.
34:14Okay, I'm going to throw.
34:15All I can hope is that everyone else is unbelievably uncoordinated.
34:25Come on, man.
34:27Okay.
34:33Spoon.
34:34This is going really badly.
34:36Time for scrummy.
34:39This is much harder than it looks.
34:41This is really bad.
34:43Time for scrummy.
34:45Yes!
34:48Stop the clock.
34:50I mean, beat that.
34:52Thank you, Jack.
34:53Okay.
34:54Okay, pass.
34:55I imagine, Pax, that that ball would have been on the ground a couple of times, actually, before he fed it to Paul.
35:08Yeah, that ball went to a lot of strange places before it went to Paul's mouth.
35:12But, um, that task was weirdly difficult.
35:15Yeah.
35:16But the mounting frustration from even just watching that task was incredible.
35:20Yeah.
35:21Jackie, you were clearly struggling with the throwing, but then at one stage you thought maybe you'd be better if you closed your eyes.
35:27Often I am.
35:28And if I just kind of free my mind, close my eyes and just go for it.
35:31Yeah.
35:32I have seen her drive.
35:33It's terrifying.
35:35So in terms of times, Paul, what are we looking at there?
35:39Jackie, 3 minutes 41 seconds.
35:41Happy with that.
35:43Pax, 6 minutes 3 seconds.
35:46Not as good.
35:47It felt longer.
35:49So both went from the closest mat.
35:52Who have we got next, Paul?
35:53Bree and Jack.
35:55I'm just going to try, get a few in.
36:01From my softball days, Paul.
36:04Do I have to have both feet on the mat?
36:05Ah, yes.
36:07Okay.
36:11Don't worry, Paul, we won't need too much more of those.
36:13You know what I love, Paul?
36:15I love a montage.
36:16Cue montage.
36:18Hoo-yah!
36:22Hoo-yah!
36:24Gah!
36:25No quid, Paul.
36:26When I get this in, I want it played at my funeral.
36:28Can you see to that?
36:30What, kill you?
36:31What?
36:36Do you want to, like, just Google some quotes, like, about success?
36:39There might be a few Dumbledore quotes.
36:41It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
36:45Wow.
36:46You getting hungry, Paul?
36:47Yeah.
36:48Yeah, I'm pretty hungry too.
36:49Tell you who's very hungry.
36:50Yeah.
36:52This guy.
36:53You guys want me to cave and do the spoon, don't you?
36:55I'm not caving.
36:57I know.
36:58I'm not caving.
36:59I'm not caving.
37:00I'm not caving.
37:01I'm not caving.
37:02I'm not caving.
37:03I'm not caving.
37:04I'm caving.
37:05I'm caving.
37:06Thanks, mate.
37:07Thank you, Bree.
37:08See ya.
37:09Bye.
37:10Oh my god, they're getting another memory card.
37:11That's how you know you take for too long.
37:13Ah!
37:14We're in those quotes, Paul.
37:16Happiness alone, man.
37:18Ah!
37:19Yeah, I've got a plan.
37:23I'm gonna get some blocks.
37:25And I'm gonna make a funnel.
37:27Okay.
37:36Just need to push it in.
37:37Push it in.
37:38Push it in.
37:39Push it in.
37:40With one more.
37:42Come on.
37:43One last push.
37:44I've stopped the clock.
37:47Oh my god.
37:55Wow.
37:56Jack, what was it about this task that made you bring up your death multiple times?
38:01I don't think that footage reflected how painful that was.
38:04I will forever be haunted by hearing you say, push it in, push it in, come on, just one more push.
38:11Bree, you look like a clown had done something to you at some stage.
38:14Like, the idea of biffing them that hard, did you think that was gonna help them go in?
38:18Honestly, I could not wipe my ass for three days.
38:23My arm and shoulder was so sore from, like, throwing so many balls.
38:28And then, I'm not joking, got it in first, go with the spoon.
38:32Who would have known?
38:33Oh, okay.
38:35So Bree took 29 minutes and 36 seconds, which was 186 attempts.
38:41Jack, 55 minutes and 8 seconds.
38:43Oh, not bad.
38:44Yes, which was 639 attempts.
38:46But, he did get it from the furthest spot, which means it's halved 27 minutes and 34 seconds.
38:55I mean, I gotta say, the funnel was quite a feat of ad hoc engineering.
39:00Thank you, thanks for the compliment.
39:01Well, I would actually like to say a couple more things.
39:03Oh, you will, okay.
39:04The task did say both your feet had to be on the spot.
39:08Oh, for God's sake.
39:11Roll tape.
39:13I wouldn't say that's in the mouth.
39:16It's in the mouth.
39:18It's in the mouth.
39:20It's in the mouth.
39:21It's in the mouth.
39:23That's definitely disqualified.
39:26Oh.
39:28If it's any consolation, lovely calves.
39:32They look great.
39:33Lovely calves.
39:34Beautiful.
39:35It's break time now, but we'll be back soon with more from the mouthy clowns and also the rest of the task.
39:40We'll see you shortly.
39:41Welcome back to Taskmaster, where comedians are trying to force food into the mouths of clowns in what I'm sure for one young viewer at home is a formative moment and the beginning of a lifelong fear.
40:06Who's the contestant heading to clown town next, Paul?
40:08It's Alice Sneather.
40:09Your time starts now.
40:11Okay.
40:15Can I change my mind?
40:16Yeah.
40:26Four people on the mat?
40:27Yeah.
40:29Do you think that'll be a good time?
40:30No.
40:31What would you consider a bad time?
40:33Anything above 10-15 seconds.
40:36Okay.
40:37Thank you, Alice.
40:38Thank you, Alice.
40:45I mean, so easy.
40:47That's how you do it.
40:49But you had to use the spoon!
40:50No.
40:51No.
40:52Okay.
40:53I think it said we may use the spoon.
40:55Every time I succeed on this show, Jack loses years of his life.
41:01If it was a soccer ball, I would've just...
41:02If it was a soccer ball, I would've just...
41:03So, Jack disqualified, Brie, 29 minutes 36, Pax, 6 minutes 03, Jackie, 3 minutes 41, Alice, 2 minutes 28.
41:15So, that's 0 points for Jack, 2 points for Brie, 3 points for Pax, 4 points for Jackie, and 5 points for Alice Sneddon.
41:23Woo!
41:24Good show.
41:25Good show.
41:26Good show.
41:27Okay.
41:28How are the episode scores going, Paul?
41:30First, with a 4 point lead over second, it's Brie Thomassell.
41:34Okay, you guys, head up onto the stage for the final task of the show.
41:46Okay, Paul, who's reading the task tonight?
41:49Pax Asadi.
41:50Count the popcorn popped.
41:52Closest to the correct amount wins.
41:54Simultaneously, the Taskmaster will conduct a pop quiz.
41:58You must pop a balloon of your assigned colour to submit an answer.
42:01Each correct answer will offset your popcorn count 5 pops closer to the correct amount.
42:06Each wrong answer will take your answer 5 pops further away from the correct amount.
42:12Okay.
42:14Are you ready?
42:15Yes.
42:16In what ocean is the Bermuda Triangle located?
42:21Pax.
42:22The Atlantic Ocean.
42:23Correct.
42:24What is the name of the main character in the movie Home Alone?
42:29Brie.
42:30Kevin.
42:31Kevin.
42:32McAllister.
42:33Correct.
42:34The Grand Canyon lies in which American star?
42:37Yes.
42:38Arizona.
42:39Correct.
42:40Which band is made up of members with the names Larry, Adam, The Edge, and Bono?
42:46Oh!
42:47Maroon 5!
42:48No.
42:49How many states are there in the United Arab Emirates?
42:54Alice.
42:5512.
42:56No.
42:57Have there been less or more than 1,628 All Blacks?
43:04Jack.
43:05Less.
43:06Correct.
43:07What colors are on the flag of the Ivory Coast?
43:11Pax.
43:12I'm dizzy.
43:13Orange, white, and green.
43:18Orange, white, and green.
43:19Correct.
43:20Oh!
43:21Oh!
43:22That was horrific!
43:23Landed it.
43:24Oh!
43:25Wow.
43:26On your spots, please.
43:28Write your answer, please.
43:30Okay.
43:31Alice.
43:32236 pops.
43:33Brie.
43:34I just went with 301.
43:35Whoa!
43:36Jack.
43:3776.
43:38Jackie.
43:39Closer to what I had.
43:40I had 107.
43:41I went with 200.
43:42Okay, we've got all those.
43:43Come on down and we'll score it.
43:46So, the correct number of popcorn.
43:47Mm-hmm.
43:48371.
43:49Oh!
43:50So, after the quiz adjustments.
43:51Alice, 231.
43:52Jack, 81.
43:53Pax, 210.
43:54Jackie, 107.
43:55And we've got all those.
43:56Closer to what I had.
43:57Closer to what I had.
43:58I had 107.
43:59Mm-hmm.
44:00I went with 200.
44:01Okay, we've got all those.
44:02Come on down and we'll score it.
44:03So, the correct number of popcorn.
44:04Mm-hmm.
44:05371.
44:06Oh!
44:07So, after the quiz adjustments.
44:09Alice, 231.
44:11Jack, 81.
44:12Pax, 210.
44:14Jackie, 107.
44:15And Brie, 306.
44:20Lots.
44:21That means one point for Jack.
44:22Two points for Jackie.
44:23Three points for Pax.
44:24Four points for Alice.
44:25And five points for Brie.
44:27Wow.
44:28Wow.
44:29Honestly.
44:30So, let's talk about the episode scores then, Paul.
44:33The winner of episode five is Brie Thomas-L.
44:37Woo!
44:38Congratulations, Brie.
44:40Please go and enjoy your rhyming item.
44:43Get out of there, Jack!
44:44Oh, so sorry.
44:49Oh, so sorry.
45:06That's a bad start.
45:09We can do better.
45:10Ding dong.
45:11Did anyone order a task?
45:12Oh, blimey.
45:19I'm getting a vibe that you might be a cricket fanatic and not so much a kind of duck archery
45:24fanatic.
Be the first to comment
Add your comment