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Lerin Gaines
I Paid for the Lifestyle... She Paid for the Silence | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 52)

"Where Everyday Conversations Lead to Financial Awareness"

Featuring: Wisdom Wednesday, Mentorship Series

Wednesday | September 2nd, 2026

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Song of The Day: "Take Me Home" by Phil Collins
Released 1985 | No Jacket Required

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411 PODCAST
DISC 6: Vitality
Track 52: I Paid for the Lifestyle... She Paid for the Silence
©️ 2026 Black Diamond Consultations Network
LerinGaines.com
Transcript
03:58So, grab your journal, open your mind, and prepare to go beyond the surface.
04:03Here, we don't just talk, we transform lives.
04:06And now, here's your guide through it all, entrepreneur, mentor, and financial coach, Laren Gaines.
04:25What's going on, what's going on, what's going on, y'all?
04:27Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome on in to the 411 podcast, where everyday conversations lead to financial awareness.
04:37We are here.
04:39episode 52. I paid for the lifestyle. She paid for the silence. We are going to speak about
04:48what it means to cohabitate with somebody. When you start sharing expenses, we're going to talk
04:54about these financial boundaries. It's going to be a great show tonight. Before I move on,
05:02I definitely want to say thank you all so much for joining in. Please hit that like button.
05:09Drop it in the comments. Let me know where you are calling from. Share this podcast out. Tag your
05:16friends. Text your friends. Do whatever you need to do to support. Speaking of support, I most certainly
05:23cannot do this without each and every one of you out there. Please go ahead and hit that like button.
05:29I love the comments that are out there. I love the feedback. We're international, so I can
05:38say that with confidence today. Looking at the numbers, I want to shout out a few places,
05:46a few countries that have picked up the 4-in-1 podcast. We have the Philippines,
05:52of course, United States, India, Singapore, South Africa, Kenya. We have Canada, Australia,
06:04the UK, Pakistan, Indonesia, Nigeria, the Netherlands, Fiji, France, Malaysia, Germany, Ghana,
06:16and the United Arab Emirates. That's just to name a few. Again, I most certainly could not do this
06:23without each and every one of you out there. The best thing that you can do to help keep this
06:27movement and keep this momentum going is please go ahead and hit that like button. Drop it in the
06:34comments. Let me know where you are calling from and go ahead and share this podcast out.
06:42And most importantly, I cannot do this without my executive producer. I want to thank God for
06:48giving me another opportunity, another day to get this thing together. And I'm out here giving y'all
06:56the 4-in-1 podcast. So let's get right on into this. I'm going to try to do this some
07:02justice tonight.
07:03I don't have, you know, a big old speech set up for tonight. So we just going to go in
07:09and see what
07:11we come up with. Song of the day. So now I have to make sure I'm going to go into
07:26another app because
07:30I came across this here. So song of the day, Take Me Home by Phil Collins, released in 1985
07:38off of his album, No Jacket Required. So when I say take me home, I think about the 4-in
07:46-1 podcast
07:47because this is home and I'm home. This is what I love to do. I really don't have to think
07:55too much
07:56about it. I don't have to get crazy and I go where I'm celebrating. Today I learned to just go
08:03where I'm celebrating and that's at home. That's here. Something that I created, you know, six years
08:10ago and it's a home environment. Looking back, I laugh now because this is what I created and God has
08:22given me the ability to create this. Of course, I didn't do this on my own, but this is home
08:26for me
08:27and I appreciate each and every one of y'all out there for making this home. But I no longer
08:33have
08:33to go to places to where I have to feel like there's some sort of competition and there is
08:40no competition. And even though some people from the outside looking in, they feel a certain way about
08:47me. And that's okay. And that's okay. Because guess what? I'm one of the chosen ones. And this is
08:54what comes with the territory. When people look at some of the chosen ones, they feel a certain way,
09:03whether they feel intimidated, whether they feel threatened, whether they feel like they have to
09:07compete, whatever the case may be. But that's always from one side. It's always one-sided because
09:14when you know who's you are, you don't have to go back and forth with people. You don't have to
09:20compete. You don't have to fight for space. And I laugh now internally. I'll never do it to people's
09:26face, but I just laugh and I have my conversations with God. And I say, you know what? These fools
09:31really think that I'm going to be stuck on this game. I no longer compete like I used to. I
09:41know who I
09:41am. I know who my father is. So therefore we don't need to go back and forth. I can go
09:48home
09:48right where I belong. And he's going to take care of everything. Now I came across this here and it
09:56says
09:58Proverbs 27, six faithful or the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
10:07So the truth hurts. We spoke about that last week and faithful or the wounds of a friend.
10:14A friend is somebody who's going to be looking out for you. Who's going to say, you know what?
10:18This here might not be the best thing. You may not want to go over here. Those people over there,
10:24they really don't care for you. Like you might think they do. I'm a friend. So I'm trying to really
10:28give it to you this way. We may not always like what our true friends really tell us if they're
10:34truly
10:34are a friend. Now you got to be careful because some people can be saying things one way and then
10:39wishing for your downfall on the other end. So you have to really have that great discernment to figure
10:43out if they're really a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. And this is where it comes
10:50where you have to have that great level of discernment because some people will claim to be
10:54your friends and they will claim to be down for you, but secretly they're waiting for your downfall.
11:01So I don't go into these little areas where there's sort of competition, where there's sort of people
11:07wanting to see or, or try to get the best of, or one up. I don't play those games. So
11:14if you're waiting
11:15for me to fall into that trap, you got the wrong one. I have to say game over when it
11:21comes to that.
11:24I'll stay here, stay in my corner. I'll take me home right where I belong right here. And I'll have
11:31to worry about that. And for those of you out there who might be experiencing something like this,
11:36just build your own, build your own community, build your own family, build your own brands,
11:42do whatever you need to do. So that when these people decide to do the 180 on you, because listen,
11:47man is going to always show up and try to show out one way or the other. It may not
11:53be today.
11:53It may not be tomorrow, but when you go ahead and you put all your trust in man,
11:59listen, downfall is inevitable. And I already know the game. And I'm thankful that at my age today,
12:05I know better. That's not mine. My name is not on it. That's yours. I'm just alone for the ride.
12:13I'm not here to play this game. And I'm not here to get into no competition about who got what
12:18or
12:18who got this. I have this right here, this joint right here. This is what I've been building. This
12:23is what I'm working on. And this is home. And I don't have to worry about that because there is
12:27no competition, but you have to be very careful with that person. Who's just that close to you,
12:34that close to you, always cheering you on, always saying that they got your back.
12:38I've been down for you for this long and this and that, the next, the other. Be very careful
12:46because you can't just run around calling people your friend. You just can't run around saying that
12:52you love everybody. You got to be very careful because people use that word love. And they out
13:00there like, oh, I love this person. I love that. I love everybody. Listen, Jesus didn't love everybody.
13:07So let's keep it real. And if they did it to him, what makes you think that they wouldn't do
13:12it to
13:12you? I'm going to get off of it. Song of the day, Take Me Home by Phil Collins, released in
13:211985
13:23off of his album, No Jacket Required.
13:35And then we just go ahead and we take a deep breath and we don't even worry about that. We
13:39just let it
13:40go because we home now. Yeah. And with that, like I said, I go where I'm celebrated today. I don't
13:48put
13:48myself in a crowds. I don't put myself into situations and places where I got to be worried
13:52about, you know, who I am. Never that. We don't do that anymore. Let's go ahead and reach out to
13:59my
13:59friend, author, poet, birdman, 313.
14:17What's going on? What's going on? Hey, how's it going? It's going. It's going. It's a nice and
14:27misty, a good misty blue out here today. Oh, that's good. I mean, it's it's it'll cool down
14:35because of that storm. But the storm didn't hit here. Thank God for that. You know, it hit
14:41East East Texas is one part that's getting hit. I mean, it's it's 95, 93, 95, something like that
14:49today. So, yeah, that's all right. OK. What was this? Well, it's better than being 100.
14:58What's this? What's the storm's name? Oh, man. You know what? I don't even know, man. I forgot,
15:05man. You know what? Long it didn't hit here. I don't even I don't even think about it. I know
15:11that's right. They were saying that there's some storm, tropical storm Dolly. I don't know
15:16if she's still out there. That done passed. That done passed. Eduardo's. That's what it
15:22is. Eduardo's. That's what it is. Eduardo. OK, so we on E now. Yeah, this is always interesting
15:28this time of year how we get through the alphabet. So as we hear now, what what prediction,
15:33what letter do you think that we'll get to this year in 26? What letter you think we go
15:38on to? I don't know, man. You know, I don't. Hey, I just don't know. I don't know. You know,
15:50we might get all the way up, which I hope not and pray not to Jay. I hope not. OK,
15:59OK. But,
16:01you know, you never you never know what's going on out there, you know, out there in the ocean. So,
16:06you know, it's like Hawaii got hit twice, you know, within one week. Yeah, that's craziness,
16:13too. And it actually was the big the big island. That's the island that I went to before got hit
16:18with mudslides and all kinds of stuff. That's craziness. Yes. Yeah. I mean, like I said,
16:25I don't know. And I guess, you know, I just watch the news and just see what's up, you know,
16:31or hear about it. And that's about it. With so much evilness that's going on in this world today,
16:39I wouldn't be surprised if we get more than halfway through the alphabet.
16:44And that's possible, too. You know, I mean, you know, who knows? Mm hmm. Yeah. Huh. OK. So,
16:57let's get into money hacks here. Oh, before you go on, I need to I need to give you a
17:05message.
17:07OK. What is this? My son, Michael, told me to tell you what's up. Yeah. Tell him what's up,
17:14what's up, especially if you're out there listening. You know, I'm moving on too quick,
17:17too. I wanted to say that for everybody out there listening, thank you all so much for
17:23the love and the feedback for the anniversary show. A lot of people really was feeling that.
17:29They really was. I seen that out there. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Yeah, I was sitting there laughing
17:35and cracking up right along as if I was as if I wasn't there, you know. Yeah, it was good.
17:43It was
17:44good. That's what's going on. All right. So what? Yeah. So it's after I'm sorry, man. Oh,
17:53this is coming up. If SOS is out there, tell us it. What's up? Yeah. What's going on? SOS. Shout
18:00out
18:01to Miss SOS. Yeah, we definitely going to have to do another freestyle version of the show. It's
18:07been a minute since we actually done something like that. Years. It's been years. Yeah. All right.
18:16So what number you got for us tonight here? Let me see. 58. 58. Let's see. 58. What we got
18:29here? Hmm. Well, is my calculations correct? Yeah. We'll do. Here we go again. I don't
18:45understand what's happening with buying a home, but this must be a sign. So. Not me.
18:54If you are considering buying your first home, it's vitally important to not assume that the
19:00mortgage is your only big cost. In addition to the monthly mortgage, you will also owe property
19:05tax and your homeowner's insurance will be more expensive than renter's insurance. You
19:10also need to factor in the cost of the upkeep of your home. You're going to be the landlord
19:15now. My advice is to plan all of those additional costs by adding 30% to your mortgage costs. So
19:22if your monthly mortgage is 1,000, add another $300. That's 1,300. That 1,300 is a more realistic
19:31estimate of your total housing costs. What do you think about that?
19:35It seemed like we did this. I know we did this last week, but it seemed like we did this,
19:40you know? Yeah. Yeah. But you know, that's true. That's something that a lot of homeowners
19:46or people that want to get into, you know, purchasing a home don't understand. It's more
19:53to it than just a mortgage. You know, it's a whole lot more. And once they get in there and
20:00they see what's going on, then they'd be scratching their head and be saying, what did I do? You
20:06know? So they should have, you know, like you said, they should calculate that, you know,
20:15they're going to have to spend money on something else. And to me, that 300 is kind of low compared
20:22to what I've been hearing, what people been paying for. I mean, 300 is just for one thing
20:29most of the time, but I understand what you mean though. You know, put 300, put 300 away
20:36and let it be, hopefully it'll build up. And when something happens, you'll have enough to pay for it.
20:42Right. Right. I'll tell you when I got into my first home, I, uh, it was something else. I didn't
20:51factor in all of that stuff. So once I realized that there were some expenses, I couldn't even
20:56hardly sleep at night. So yeah, I know exactly what that's like. Oh yeah. But again, when you rent,
21:03see, this is what you have to realize is that if something breaks down, if you, and again, keyword,
21:08if you are renting in the right place, you got to know where you're renting from, they'll fix it.
21:14Yeah. They will fix it. And if they can't fix it, they'll move you into another place where,
21:19you know, everything is good, but you got to know where you're renting from. Oh, definitely. Definitely.
21:30All right. So now we getting ready to go to Detroit. Now I know I've asked this question before,
21:36but what's up with your connections with Detroit? I just have cousins there. Nothing. That's all.
21:43You've never lived there before. Cause when I first met you,
21:53Oh my goodness. Listen, it's the weighted shoes. I had, you know, like I, I, I have cousins there.
22:06I visit there. I played ball, you know, I used to go play summer league ball there. And that was
22:13enough
22:13for me to see. I did not want to live in Detroit. Okay. Uh, lesson learned. I got it. So
22:19we, we know it,
22:20but it's just the way you said it though. But when I first, when I first met you, for some
22:25reason,
22:26I thought that, Oh, he's from Detroit. I don't remember. Don't feel bad. Everybody think that
22:31because I'm birdman three, one, three, three, one, three is the area code. But then I had to explain
22:37to people. Three, one, three is my birthday. I got it. So, so, but everybody, when I say Michigan
22:45and they see, you know, Oh, birdman three, one, Oh, you from Detroit. No, I'm not.
22:52Oh man. I can't wait to watch, listen to that replay. That was a classic one right there.
23:01All right. So we, we going to help out, uh, Brandon from Detroit. Brandon says my girlfriend
23:07moved. Oh, let me back that up again. Brandon says my girlfriend moved into my apartment two
23:14years ago. At first I told her she didn't have to worry about the rent. She was going through a
23:19rough
23:19period at work. And I figured I would carry things until she got back on her feet. Then until she
23:25got back on her feet became two years later, she pays for groceries. Sometimes she picks up dinner.
23:31She handles little things around the apartment, but the rent utilities, insurance, internet,
23:37and most of the larger expenses have been coming out of my account. I never complained. That's partly
23:42my fault. I wanted to be the man who can handle everything. I'd like knowing that she could depend on
23:48me.
23:48I also liked the way it made me feel when she told me, I don't know what I'm, what I
23:55do without you
23:57somewhere along the way, being needed became a part of my identity. Then my finances started
24:03changing. My hours were reduced. My car needed repairs. My credit card balances started climbing
24:08because I was using them to cover the expenses. I couldn't comfortably handle anymore. She knew I
24:14was stressed, but I never told her how bad it had become last month. I finally sat down and calculated
24:20what supporting our household actually costs me more than $3,000 over two, excuse me. It's not more
24:27than three. It's more than $30,000 over two years later. I felt sick, not because I spent my money
24:35on
24:35someone I love because I realized I never actually asked whether this arrangement was fair to either
24:42of us. When I finally brought it up, she got defensive. She said, you never asked me for more.
24:49And she's right. I expected her to understand something I had never communicated. Now we argue
24:56about money almost every week. The intimacy between us has changed too. It's hard to feel romantic
25:02towards someone when you're secretly keeping score. I don't want to turn love into a transaction,
25:08but I also don't want resentment to destroy something that might have been healthy. If we'd
25:14established boundaries from the beginning, I'm learning that generosity without communication
25:19can eventually become resentment. How do you reset financial expectations in a relationship
25:24when you've spent years avoiding the conversation? Birdman, what do you got?
25:31He answered his own question. Yeah. But he, yeah, you know, I mean, that's bad to be in. And I
25:42think
25:43a lot of people, especially men, they feel like they're not a man if they can't take care of all
25:50the
25:50major bills. But one thing I learned, it takes two. And like, you know, my mom used to always say
26:04one income, you know, normally does not cover everything. And that couple, they lucky because
26:16they don't have no kids. I mean, just imagine if they had kids, what it would be like. Yeah. And
26:26it's his fault. He
26:27admitted he should have communicated better with her. Instead of staying quiet. He should just say, Hey, look
26:37here. Cutting my hours. Hey, um, you know, and, and all this going on. She, she seemed like she would
26:48have been a person because she said, you never told me. So I can't really fault her because he never
26:55told
26:56her. And, you know, now that he said what they do, they argue all the time about money. There is
27:05no more
27:08romancing. But like I said, I blame it all on him. I'm sorry. I read that over and over. Dude,
27:17you, this is
27:18your fault here. You don't want created this and you let, you let it get totally, totally out of
27:26control. And the best thing for them to do is just to split up. That's the way I look at
27:33it.
27:35Yeah, you, uh, I agree. I agree. I think that, uh, he created his own issue here. Um, one of
27:45the key
27:45factors that was like an eye opener situation is you never communicated any boundaries, this same
27:53scenario here. I'm going to need y'all to stop digging through my past and bringing it and putting
27:58it on the forefront. Yeah. I need you. I feel the same. I feel the same. Like, oh man, I
28:04said, this
28:05sound like, yeah. Okay. Sound like something that you did. Right. That's why I say all men always want
28:12to be able to take care of everything, but it's, it's, it's not, unless, unless you got one of them,
28:20I'm talking about guaranteed high dollar jobs, you know, because anything can happen. Oh yeah. That's
28:30what I was going to say. That happened too. Like when, when, when the money is good, everything's good.
28:35I mean, even with, with musicians and athletes and comedians, things happen that you, you, you never
28:44thought would happen. And, and, you know, go ahead. And you know, one thing I think is so interesting.
28:52He says that, uh, let me find this spot here. This, this, this one here really got me. It says,
29:00now we argue, now we're arguing about money almost every night. The intimacy between us has changed
29:05too. It's so funny how that when the money is gone, that starts to, uh, dry up too. Hey man,
29:14I guess you ain't heard it how the streets talk. No money, no honey. Oh yeah. Gwen, yeah. Gwen
29:30I forgot what it is, but there's another song out there too. Oh yeah. So that happens though. When
29:39the money get in and you know, that is sad that it's like that, but that's how it is in
29:46some cases,
29:47not all don't get me wrong. Cause I know some guys who, who their jobs, you know, kind of flipped
29:54on
29:55them and their wife or girlfriend, it picked them up and helped them until they got back on their feet.
30:02Yeah. We say that nowadays. Well, yeah, I guess you're right. Cause that's like back in the day
30:11where, where that's that ride or die couple where listen, if we, and this is okay. So you want to
30:17talk about love. We in this thing together, this is true love. If you lose something, I'm right there
30:26with you. Yeah. We, we going to thug it out till we get back on our feet. Where's that at
30:32nowadays?
30:33It's not, you know, I'm going to tell you, cause there's so many people out here flashing their wealth
30:43and they flashing their wealth. And then the one thing that happens is most guys, they end up telling
30:53one of their friends or so-called friends what's going on. He say some about it cause somebody else
31:01has said, man, did he show do look like he down? And then next thing you know, every time they
31:06see his
31:07woman, they, you know, whispering at her, you know, and you know, I, I remember my dad used to say,
31:17you don't see, I have a lot of people running around here. Do you? I said, no, he said, you
31:22know,
31:22the reason why he said, I said, no, he said, because they're not only looking at what's in the house,
31:27you know, or looking at the TV, they looking at what's walking through the house.
31:34And I never could understand that. And something else happened. When I was playing baseball,
31:43my dad wouldn't come to my games. And then my mom was always at the game. And this one guy
31:51who was
31:52always trying to, you know, how to let my mom and mom say, let me cut this short. Look here.
31:58I come
31:58out here to watch my son, not to talk to you. And she had to cut it short. And somebody
32:05went back
32:06and told my dad said, you know, your son is pretty, pretty good out there. He said, but you better
32:12start coming out there watching cause they also watching your wife, man. I couldn't get my dad for
32:18not coming to the game. Every time I go to the game, you need a ride. No, man, I'm going
32:21to do like
32:22a big door, but you know, I'm going to go here and walk with my friends coming up. Matter of
32:28fact,
32:29he even started coaching.
32:32Wow. He was like, Oh, I'm, I'm a beater all the time. Huh?
32:36Yes. Yeah. Wow. And then my mom told me as I got older, what the whole deal was. She said,
32:42this is what happened. And she said, I'm not going to tell you the guy's name because she said,
32:48I knew him. And I'm like, Oh, okay, man. She said, it wasn't just one. It was a couple of
32:55them
32:55out there that would always holler at me. You know, she said, but I may, I let them know there
33:00ain't nothing happening here. That's craziness. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, you know, like
33:09she's going to get tired of the arguing and yeah. And then somebody down on the job going to start
33:15it to look a little bit better. Exactly. But like I said, it's his fault because he told, okay,
33:25I help you till you get on your feet. Well, he should have said, I help you till you get
33:29on your
33:29feet. But after that, you got to start helping with at least some of the bills around here.
33:34Yeah. This is crazy. Let's, let's start this to beginning. First of all, you said
33:38your girlfriend moved into the apartment two years ago. Okay. So y'all cohabitating. There's no
33:44engagement. Y'all not married. Like you said, they don't have kids. She was going through a rough
33:49period at work and I figured that I could carry things until she got back on her feet.
33:53So the question that I have to say is why. Yeah. Like if she was going through a rough patch
33:59at work
34:00or whatever happened, then maybe you should have let her figure some things out on her own,
34:08reach out to her own resources, maybe reach out to her family, figure out what it was. The question
34:14is what was the rough patch at work. So that means that she wasn't working for a while.
34:19Exactly. She didn't have a job. So you're okay with her
34:24basically being off of work for two years. That's what it sounds like.
34:30Well, then again, too. Well, yeah, I was going to say it sounds more like
34:38she wasn't really as rough patches. What that means. Her work hours got cut back,
34:46you know, because normally that's what happens. You know, a person, they cut their workload back
34:52and instead of working 40 hours, they work 20 hours. Yeah. Yeah.
34:57And, you know, I mean, there's a lot of, there is a lot of questions of
35:06what the whole situation was and what they were. Okay. They had to be dating before
35:14and he decided to ask her to move in. See, and that's another bad sign right there. When you know,
35:20hey, she was going through rough patches then and you decided to let her come in and until
35:28sometimes, amen, they won't say nothing about it. Like she said, you didn't tell me. I think it was
35:35a part in there where she said, you didn't tell me about all of this, which I said, lack of
35:43communication.
35:43Communication. That's what this sound more like anything is the lack of communication.
35:49And, uh, Myron Golden, I believe his daughter, she has one of the, I like the quote that came up
35:58with
35:58the biggest mistake in communication is thinking that it happened. See, he thought that he had these
36:05conversations about what was good and what wasn't, but he didn't. The biggest mistake in communication
36:11is thinking that it happened, keeping it all up in the brain and not letting it hit the lips and
36:16coming off of your tongue. So that's the, that's the issue right there. She paid, she pays for groceries
36:23sometimes, dinner handles little things, but all of the major expenses, rent, utilities, insurance,
36:29internet, all of that stuff been coming out of your account. And then my question is again, why now you
36:36already lost twice. I want to know why. And then you sat there and you never complained. And you said,
36:41that's partly my fault. It's all his fault. I know. That's right. Exactly.
36:48Used to be. And the reason why is because you sat here and told us that you wanted to be
36:52the man who
36:53could handle everything. I don't know who I'm speaking to. I'm only speaking from real life
36:57experiences, but I have been that man, not one time, not two times, but let me tell you this,
37:02it won't happen again. It will not happen again. Um, you like knowing that she could depend on you.
37:09Of course, we all feel that way. You, you, you got money. Everything is good until the crap hits the
37:16fan. And then once things hit the fan, then you don't want to be some, somebody that's can,
37:23you don't want to be that one that knowing that people could depend on you. In some cases,
37:28you want to be able to depend on somebody else. And then you start to feel a certain way when
37:32you
37:33know that you can't, at least that's how I used to be. And I would walk around saying,
37:38when is somebody going to help me out? When is somebody going to do something for me? Because
37:42I sat around here and I did stuff for all of these people, all these years, not this relationship,
37:46but that relationship, not this friendship, but that friendship, not this family member,
37:52but that family member. When is somebody going to do something for Laren? I used to always say that.
37:57And that used to really piss me off until I said, you know what? F that I'm going to get
38:02up and do
38:02something for myself. Yeah. And you know, I, like I said, I've been in that situation where a person
38:09said it was going to help me. And then one day when I really realized that, uh, it wasn't, it
38:17felt
38:18like it was strange when she came up, she said, here, Hey, some money to pay on the bill. She
38:23just
38:24threw it. Oh, like I had an attitude about it. Yes. And I looked at, I said, you know, Hey,
38:29you take your money and Hey, don't worry about it. You ain't got to help me. Matter of fact,
38:32you ain't got to talk to me no more. You know, she had the audacity to say, Oh, you really
38:41think
38:41you something, don't you? I said, yes, I am something. I'm going to tell you that I am.
38:46You know, I said, maybe not in your eyesight. I said, but I know I am. And my kids know
38:51I am.
38:53And I mean, it led, you know, to a big old, you know, I said, just go on about your
38:58business.
38:59You know, cause I said, I, you know, I don't mind calling the police on anybody.
39:04Oh, no, that's right. You know, I'd rather call the police than to put my hands on them.
39:10Yeah.
39:11That's how I put it. And, and you know, that, that was, that was it, man. I, you know,
39:16I learned my lesson there and my kids, they kind of sit back and they noticed that and they
39:20was like, wow. Yeah. I noticed that during a pandemic, really. Um, like when things started
39:27to shut down, hours were reduced, just like the same scenario, things weren't the same.
39:33And I'm like, well, I have been doing all of these things for all of these years. I'm
39:37going to be cool. I could sit back and I'm going to be taken care of. And you know what
39:43that was? No, yeah, absolutely not. And the only thing that I have to say is that's where
39:50the four in one podcast got birthed because when people do the 180 on you and leave you
39:55standing on your, standing on your own and you think that you got somebody that you can
40:00depend on that can help you when you've been holding things down for so long, it'll, it'll,
40:06it'll make you sober up real quick.
40:08Oh, yes, it will. Yes, it will. And you know, I always tell my, I always tell my, I try
40:14to
40:14tell my, my, my sons that too. Hey man, don't depend on anybody. And like Michael, he'll
40:21tell you, he said, dad, he said, grandma told me a whole lot of things. I said, I know she
40:26did. She, cause I said, she told me the same thing she's telling you.
40:33And she, and she, you know, she, I mean, it was all of her, you know, her grandkids, she
40:40tried to give him advice and she said, don't ever depend on anybody. Because when you start
40:46depending on somebody, just when they can't do it because of no fault of their own, you
40:54going to feel like they lied to you and let you down.
40:57Well, I like that when they can't do it due to no fault of their own.
41:05Yeah. She used to say that all the time. She said, no fault of theirs. They said things happen.
41:14And you know, she said, and the first thing you going to think is she lied to you and she
41:19let, or she let you down. Hmm. I would say one of the biggest lessons that I learned
41:26from my mother is she's very, um, particular about her car. Now, maybe it's because we grew
41:37up where we had issues when it came to transportation. My mother often struggled with transportation and
41:43caught the bus to and from work from Trenton to Princeton and everything else, single,
41:49mother doing it on her own. But when she got her wheels under control, she says, your grandfather
41:56taught me back in the day, told me, there is two things that you don't lend out, your woman
42:08and your car. Yep. I knew you were going to say that. I knew you were going to say that,
42:14man.
42:15I heard that. Same thing. And my dad told me, he was like, my dad was very particular. I said,
42:23Dad, you want me to wash the car for you today? You don't know how to wash no car. That's
42:28what he would tell me.
42:30You don't know how to wash no car. I said, Dad, I wash my own car. That's your car. You
42:34wash that. This is my car. I wash it.
42:36And my mom used to say, man, you know what? You want to be buried in your car, don't you?
42:45Just like that. My dad would never, never say anything. And mama said, what'd I tell you? He wants to
42:51be buried in this car.
42:54And here's the other thing, too. My mom would always say, now that you got a car, right? I want
43:01you to be very close, pay close attention. Ain't nothing wrong with giving somebody a ride. Ain't nothing wrong with
43:07going here and there. But don't have a bunch of people in your car. Don't be joy riding all around.
43:12Um, the same people that don't have anything. They'll want you to pick them up, take them here, go there.
43:20But as soon as your car break down, they ain't got no money to help you get a fix. Yeah.
43:26Yeah. That's so true. So, so too. I learned when it came to like boundaries and setting expectations and having
43:37that great level of communication when it came to my car from, from day one.
43:41Now, on the flip side of it, I wish that I had that same expectation with a couple other things,
43:47but at least it was that part. But right here, he didn't understand what boundaries were. He didn't understand what
43:58the expectations were, what he wanted. And there was no great level of communication. Again, I know, cause I used
44:05to do that. You used to reel them in, you reel them in and everything's good.
44:09And you're doing all of that spending and winding and dining until you get them. And then now you want
44:14to start to turn back the dial a little bit. And then, you know, I was having a conversation with
44:19somebody real close to me, somebody to help bring me into this world.
44:24And I'm not trying to put this person on blast, but this individual, I said, that's where I got it
44:31from. I said, you and your age, you sitting here doing the same things that I used to do. And
44:38I didn't know where I got it from you.
44:40You open up the wallet. You want to go spending and whining and dining and doing all of these things.
44:46And then when you get tired of that bank account going down, now you want to start to turn back
44:51the dial, but you want the people to still do the same thing that they was doing when you were
44:55spending and grinning. And now you ain't doing that no more.
44:58And I looked at this individual. It's like, I'm going to put them on blast. But if you put two
45:04and two together and read between these lines, you're going to know who I'm talking about. And I said, that's
45:08where I got it from.
45:09You. Yeah. Still doing it to this day. All I had to do was look in the mirror.
45:16Wow. Well, I look like this individual too, so. Yeah. I'm like, that's where I got it from. I ain't
45:24going to put you on blast, but you're still doing some of these things at that age. And that's something
45:29else.
45:30Yes. And, and, and, you know, like I said, he, he will learn in, in his next relationship. Cause I,
45:37I really don't see them lasting long. If they argue every day now. And then he says something like he,
45:46he don't want to really ask you for money because it seems like he's paying for it. And that kind
45:53of got me right there. I'm like, oh man, why would you say something like that now?
46:00About that issue. You know, um, yeah, it's a wrap. I just, it's a wrap. Just like you said, let
46:14it go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause he said it's hard to feel romantic towards someone when you're secretly keeping score.
46:26Yeah. Yes.
46:28You keeping track of every single thing, what you buying for, what's happening, what's yours, what's not. Let it go.
46:35It's a wrap. Yeah. 50. I say 50, 50 in these days, 50, 50.
46:41Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. And most people, even though they go to counseling nowadays, I don't think it really
46:53helps. I could be wrong.
46:57You know, but a lot of times.
46:59Both. Go ahead.
47:03No, go ahead. Go ahead. Say what you're going to say.
47:05I say with the counseling, both parties got to be willing to want to want it. It's usually most of
47:11the time. One person is forcing the other person and it becomes unauthentic and, and not real. But if two
47:18people truly love people and they, they, they want to protect it and fix it. Yeah.
47:22If y'all both on the same page of wanting to fix it and wanting to be open to things,
47:28then that works.
47:30Okay. This is what I was, I was looking at something when, when it came to my mind, but what
47:36I want to say, he said, I don't want to turn love into a transaction.
47:42I'm like, you already did.
47:43And, you know, I'm like, okay. In other words, you feel like you're paying her.
47:51He already did.
47:53Yeah.
47:54Yeah. It was a transaction from the beginning.
47:57Yes. Or she paying you to, you know, lay down.
48:05Basically.
48:06Yeah.
48:07Basically.
48:09And when I read that, I'm like, wow, man, how can you, why you even would think of that?
48:16If you love her.
48:17Because.
48:18For her.
48:19How can, why would that even come to your mind?
48:22Because the romance dried up once the money dried up and he wants it to turn back on.
48:28And the only way it's going to turn back on is if he starts to spend like he used to.
48:34Oh, well, that ain't going to, oh, that ain't going to happen.
48:45It would right there.
48:47Yeah.
48:48That's something else.
48:49Something else.
48:51Hmm.
48:53I know, man.
48:54This is, this is, this is one, this is one of the few crazy ones we had.
49:00Yeah.
49:00Yeah.
49:01Yeah.
49:02I can say it was, it was easier to, to read between the lines on this.
49:11But, you know, it, I mean, I, I seen the area he was from and you just don't, you really
49:19don't want me to say nothing after that, man.
49:21I left it alone.
49:22I'm like, okay, man, I get you.
49:25Listen, you got to have boundaries and you have to discuss it in the beginning.
49:29And money is very important.
49:31And if you don't want to have that discussion in the beginning, it's not going to work.
49:34And I'm going to keep it very simple.
49:36Like nowadays, asking what somebody credit score is, ask them if they have credit card
49:42debt, asking them if they got any kind of crazy nonsense going on when it comes to felonies
49:48and being able to have a, a good job.
49:53Do you sell, you know what I'm saying?
49:55Like all of that in the beginning, you need to understand.
49:58And that's where it comes to having expectations and setting boundaries.
50:02This needs to be a 50, 50 type of thing.
50:04I'm going to pay for, for dinner, but maybe you're going to pick up this.
50:08I'm going to take you to the movies, but maybe you're going to do this.
50:11If I have to keep reaching down in my pocket all the time and you never coming with something,
50:15this is not good.
50:17So setting that up from the beginning, when you start dating somebody and having periodic,
50:24periodical check-ins and making sure you're on the same page.
50:28See, I can see if they had just started, they started dating and he, he felt that way,
50:33but he had, he really didn't read her well or he didn't read the situation well.
50:41Right, right.
50:43Well, Mr. Brandon, hopefully we were able to help you out there and give all y'all out there
50:50some insight when it comes to cohabitating and moving in with people, make sure that you
50:55have those boundaries and expectations set up before you go ahead and sign that lease
50:59agreement because you could be signing yourself to there, but all right, firm man, what you
51:07got going on this week here?
51:11Oh, this week, tomorrow night, I'll be doing, it's called Poetry and Music.
51:19It's the lady I'm working with music that I've been doing.
51:21I've been working all this week and I finally did a couple of recordings this morning and
51:28I'm going to do some more and you know, I'm getting the flow of it of how she's, she's nice
51:36and everything, but you know, sometimes man, she's like, oh, could you change it to this?
51:41Could you change it to that?
51:42And that's what collaborating is all about.
51:45And I'm learning that.
51:46So, you know, I'll send her a sample of what I have and then she'll get back with me and
51:51tell me whether or not she'd like it or not, or, you know, I should change something in
51:56it.
51:56And, you know, I'm, I'm having a good time doing that.
51:59And my books, of course, is at amazon.com slash author slash birdman313.
52:08They're also at goodreads.com slash birdman313.
52:15Videos, youtube.com slash author poet birdman31355.
52:23You can go on Instagram.
52:26I'm posting, I'm posting a little bit more now.
52:29I'm posting poems.
52:32I haven't put any videos up yet.
52:34I think I'm going to put one up this week.
52:37It's Instagram and it's at birdman31355.
52:42You can find me on Spotify on the Coffee, Wine, and Words podcast and under birdman313.
52:52You can find me, find my poems under my, I mean, my videos up under my name and that's about
52:58it.
52:58I'm, I, I'm, I'm already done with my next book.
53:03I'm already into the other book.
53:05I'm, I'm jumping ahead.
53:07I'm doing like some of the musicians.
53:09Some of my favorite musicians used to do is, Hey, I'm already got things set up.
53:14So when it's time, when I want to be able to publish one, it'll be ready.
53:20I just had to send it in.
53:22That's what's up.
53:23That's what's up.
53:24I know that's right.
53:26That's what happens with the longevity.
53:28You've been doing it for so many years.
53:29Now you have options now.
53:30Yeah.
53:32I still haven't gotten my, um, video program to work.
53:37So I think I'm just going to have to, I'm going to have to, um, delete this old one and
53:41just
53:42get a new one.
53:42I went to see it back in my, when I call my, my, my music cave, I got to have
53:50a video program
53:51on that computer, but I'm having issues with being able to, I can, I can see it in the
54:00documents, but I, I want to put it where I can connect the tune so that, you know, see
54:08how it flows like that.
54:10Mm-hmm.
54:11Mm-hmm.
54:11Other than that, I mean, I'm, I'm still working on, I'm going to do about three or four more
54:17recordings before I even send it to her.
54:21And hey, hopefully everything will be all right.
54:25That's what's up.
54:26That's what's up.
54:27All right.
54:28I'm going to go ahead and get out of here.
54:30We up against the clock.
54:31I appreciate you and I will see you when I see you.
54:35All right.
54:35Take care, man.
54:36Okay.
54:37Take care now.
54:38Good night.
54:39Yeah.
54:40All right, ladies and gentlemen, there you have it.
54:43That was author, poet, bird, man, three, one, three.
54:55I want to thank you all for joining in.
54:58Please go ahead and hit that like button, share this podcast out and we will see you when
55:04we see you.
55:05Take care of y'all.
55:06Have a good night.
55:08Bye-bye.
55:10Bye-bye.
55:18Bye-bye.
55:31Bye-bye.

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