The Stories Money Tells | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 39) - video Dailymotion

Lerin Gaines

The Stories Money Tells | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 39)  Featuring: Mental Monday, Mentorship Series  Monday | July 20th, 2026  Broadcasting on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES  https://leringaines.com https://linktr.ee/leringaines https://www.facebook.com/leringaines http://instagram.com/leringaines https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines http://twitter.com/leringaines https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines https://kick.com/leringaines https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines  Song of The Day: "Money" by Pink Floyd Released 1973 | The Dark Side of the Moon  Burning Questions for Reflections! What beliefs about money have you accepted that may be holding you back from financial freedom?  Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions... Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com  DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, KICK, Twitch, DailyMotion)  Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!  Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com  #Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #KICK #Twitch #DailyMotion #DebtFreeLiving #FinancialCoach #LerinGaines #411Podcast #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC6 #Vitality  DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.  411 PODCAST DISC 6: Vitality Track 39: The Stories Money Tells ©️ 2026 Black Diamond Consultations Network LerinGaines.com

Transcript

02:30This is your sanctuary for self-discovery, healing, and personal growth.

02:35Here, we explore what it means to live debt-free, not just financially, but spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

03:12Facebook, YouTube, kick, twitch, x, and daily motion.

03:19Text your thoughts anytime to our official hotline at 609-200-1098.

03:26So, grab your journal, open your mind, and prepare to go beyond the surface.

03:31Here, we don't just talk, we transform lives.

03:35And now, here's your guide through it all, entrepreneur, mentor, and financial coach, Laren Gaines.

03:53What's going on, y'all?

03:54Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome on in to another episode of the 4-in-1 podcast, episode 39, The Stories Money

04:06Tells.

04:07Before we get into tonight's episode, I have a very special guest as well, so I have a surprise for

04:12you all.

04:13I want to say thank you.

04:15Before I do anything else, I want to say thank you so much for joining in.

04:19Please continue to hit that like button, text, subscribe, tag a friend, do whatever you can do, and do what

04:28you have continuously done over these past six years.

04:31I have to say thank you so much for all of the love and support.

04:44Thank you to all of the special guests who have been joining me on this powerful week.

04:48Yesterday, we had Linda Brandt, and I have a special guest for you tonight as well.

04:54And the list goes on and on throughout the week, so stay tuned.

05:00Check me out.

05:01We are broadcasting at 5 a.m. every single day this week, so set your reminders, set your alarms, check

05:12me out, check out the special guests.

05:15And I have so much in store for you this week.

05:18Of course, I most certainly could not do this without each and every one of you, as well as my

05:24executive producer, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

05:27Thank you so much for giving me the strength, the courage, the wisdom to continuously keep pressing on, because without

05:34you, without him, none of this will be possible.

05:39So with that all being said, let's get right on into the song of the day.

05:56So I'm not going to keep you long.

05:57I have such a powerful episode today that I'm not really even going to keep you long.

06:02But the song of the day is money by Pink Floyd.

06:05So I'm going to throw out some rhetorical questions.

06:07I'm going to throw out some burning questions.

06:10And this is a powerful one as we kick this thing off.

06:13What is your relationship with money?

06:18I'm going to ask that again.

06:20What is your relationship with money?

06:23What is your relationship like with money?

06:25Think about it as a regular, everyday relationship that you're in or friendship.

06:31If you're in a relationship, and I've said this before plenty of times, do you want to be constricted?

06:38Do you want to be held tight?

06:40Do you want to be told what to do 24-7?

06:44Do you want to be on some sort of spotlight like Jennifer Hudson under someone else's spotlight?

06:49Or do you want to have the freedom to be able to flow and make connections and have conversations and

06:55build on your own?

06:58Now, I want you to think about your bank account.

07:00I want you to think about your current financial situation.

07:03And if you were your money and the relationship that you're in right now, if you were the money, are

07:11you happy?

07:13I'm in Vegas this week.

07:14Mary J. Blige, be happy.

07:16So are you happy?

07:18Is your money happy?

07:20Are you the gatekeeper?

07:22Do you have that spotlight shining?

07:24Do you have your money on lockdown to the point where there's no growth, there's no opportunity, there's no friendships?

07:32See, in a relationship, which you all know, in a friendship, if you're able to be yourself and just thrive

07:40and make those good connections, it comes back to you.

07:45It comes back to you and it's multiplied and more connections, more conversations.

07:54I just want you to think about that when it comes to your money.

07:57What is your relationship like with money?

08:00Are you afraid every time your money decides to go out and spend?

08:10Does that cause you some sort of anxiety?

08:12Does that cause you some sort of trust issues?

08:14Almost like people who are in a relationship and they can't trust their partner.

08:20I know this is deep.

08:21This is a real deep, powerful question.

08:26Because your bank account could reflect the type of relationship that you have with money.

08:35We're going to talk about some money tonight.

08:37And we're going to talk about the stories that money tells.

08:40But I want to know what type of story does your money tell?

08:43If your money had the opportunity to speak on a relationship that you both share, is it going to be

08:52one of great, powerful, dynamic conversations?

08:57Or is it going to be sort of along the lines of I'm in some sort of domestic abuse type

09:05of situation?

09:06I'm controlled.

09:07I can't go anywhere.

09:09I can't grow.

09:10I can't hang out with my friends.

09:12I can't be myself.

09:15What's the story that your money tells?

09:19Song of the Day, Money by Pink Floyd.

09:24So, as we stay on this money topic, let's call on a special friend.

09:31I want to see if she can weigh in on our conversation tonight about money.

09:51Hello.

09:52Hello.

09:53Hello.

09:55Hello.

09:55How are you?

09:56I'm good.

09:57I'm good.

09:58Welcome on into the 411.

10:00Thank you so much.

10:02It's been a pleasure.

10:03I've been waiting to sit in this chair for a minute.

10:05I'm excited.

10:05That's awesome.

10:06That's pretty awesome.

10:08So, we're going to talk about money and the stories that money tells.

10:13What did you think about the introduction about the relationship with money?

10:18I think it's a fact.

10:20We have built this issue.

10:25It depends on the lens that you're looking at it from, whether it's financial, emotional,

10:30or safety related.

10:32It kind of produces the us versus them.

10:35And when you do the us versus them, it actually affects your nervous system.

10:42So, you know, I even had a conversation.

10:45I always talk about ACEs.

10:48But let's talk about it from the financial perspective because it actually has a different

10:53lens.

10:54Awesome.

10:55Well, let me back up because I came out with the wheels running.

11:01Go ahead and formally introduce yourself.

11:04My name is Dr. Tori McDonnell-Williams.

11:07I go by Dr. Victorious.

11:08I am coined as the ACEs educator.

11:12I have pretty much brought ACEs awareness.

11:17ACEs is Adverse Childhood Experiences.

11:19It's actually the scientific term for childhood trauma.

11:22And I've put it into a perspective to make people understand that you can get it and have

11:28it and have an ACEs score, but you can't let it define you.

11:31And you can't really succeed.

11:33I have an ACEs score.

11:35There are a lot of people that have an ACEs score.

11:38Actually, one in three of us actually do.

11:41But I will share.

11:42As far as males, I have just recently completed a study where 53% of males, that's half of

11:52you guys, have an ACEs score of four or more.

11:54So that is what I do.

11:56I just bring education and ACEs education into a community where it's really needed and it needs

12:03to be addressed.

12:03So I'm really excited to talk about the financial perspective because financial abuse is really

12:08real.

12:09That is so amazing.

12:11So the ACEs score, we're going to break this down.

12:14Um, I had, um, a guest on prior and we, we discussed this and we sort of opened a door.

12:21So I want to, you know, continue to, you know, touch base on this.

12:24So when is it sort of like, and, and I want to choose my words correctly.

12:28I don't want to say, okay, I'll say, when should you be a little concerned?

12:35I want to choose that very wisely because it's not necessarily a bad thing.

12:41You want, you become aware of it, but when should someone be like, okay, now we need to

12:45start paying attention.

12:46There you go.

12:47That's what I was looking for.

12:49That's every day.

12:50I think what it is, we normalize things like abuse.

12:56And I'll start with abuse because it's normalized right now.

13:00We are living in a current administration that is trying to normalize sexual abuse.

13:05And what's interesting is in our community, and I'm saying our community, it is normal

13:12to do the things that we do because we allow these things, but it's quite interesting that,

13:17you know, this current administration is, is showing it from a different perspective

13:22and saying that it's normal and it's really not.

13:25And so we think about the different abuses, financial abuse, again, is included in that.

13:33We're watching it, an issue.

13:37And yet it has kind of turned into more of a political issue than a financial issue when

13:46we should be addressing the financial issues as a result of the political issues.

13:51If that makes sense.

13:52Yeah, that does.

13:53That's where ACEs comes in.

13:55That's where that, that, because if we don't take care of those childhood traumas, it becomes

14:01an issue for us as adults and it affects our nervous system that has been scientifically proven.

14:07So.

14:07Absolutely.

14:08Yeah.

14:08So the ACEs score, there are six different points.

14:12It's actually, depending on how you look at it, it is really four.

14:17So there's an abuse, there's neglect, there's household dysfunction, and then there's other

14:22adversities.

14:23I call the other adversities ACEs 2.0, because these are ACEs that we normally don't talk about.

14:31Like the mass shootings.

14:35Mass shootings are happening so much that they're not even on TV anymore.

14:38Or bullying.

14:40Cyber bullying is the big thing now.

14:42And so we don't have those conversations.

14:44But when you think about it based on the person, that's traumatizing.

14:49And traumatizing leads to the, the experiences.

14:53You hear a lot of people talking about their experiences and how adverse they are.

14:57Well, they actually start when you're a kid.

15:00What happens is we don't address it as a kid.

15:02So we end up as adults.

15:03A lot of these adverse experiences, and we don't know what to do because we stored them

15:09within our body.

15:10It affects our nervous system and that's where everything else comes in.

15:14Absolutely.

15:15So can you go over a few of the questions?

15:19You know, people may be listening and this might be the first time that they are hearing ACEs.

15:25So what are some of the few questions that someone could go through their own list and say,

15:32okay, is this me?

15:33Check.

15:34Is that me?

15:35Check.

15:36Can you share with you?

15:37Sure.

15:38I will start by saying I always give the credit to Dr. Felitti and Dr. Anda.

15:44Vince Felitti and Dr. Robert Anda.

15:46They were the two pioneers that took on this ACEs study.

15:51It's the second largest study in the United States.

15:54So I think that's what people are like.

15:56Oh, really?

15:57I haven't heard from it.

15:58Yeah, it's out there.

15:59It's been out there since 1998.

16:01And it really was so many questions.

16:04And then it was broke down to a 10 question questionnaire.

16:09It's not a quiz.

16:10It's just a questionnaire.

16:11And one of the questions are, have you been sexually abused by a mother or your father?

16:21Or are there, you know, have you lived in a household with an incarcerated parent?

16:25Have you lived in a household with a sick parent?

16:28Have you been homeless?

16:30Have you been abused?

16:32Those type of questions that really are not discussed but need to be discussed are the questions in there.

16:39And some people, what's interesting about these questions is that some people don't actually answer them because it's normal to

16:47them.

16:48So, like, when you think about, are you, you know, have you been abused?

16:53No.

16:53You're going to answer that question because if child abuse is normal to you, then you're not going to answer

16:59that question correctly.

17:00So there's always that issue or problem with you having an ACE score and not being correct.

17:05People are quick to not want the ACE score.

17:08But with the education, it's like, oh, okay, I do have ACEs.

17:12What's next?

17:13That's very interesting because it's become normalized.

17:17Yes.

17:18A lot of the behavior, a lot of things that are showing up in the world today is because things

17:26have become normalized.

17:27So when you are interacting or come across, you know, your coaching, how do you help someone identify the things

17:36that they have normalized, that they've made normal?

17:39That's the ACEs, that is the ACEs study.

17:42And so I have a lot of, not just coaches, but therapists.

17:49I have people that use this as intake.

17:53So that ACEs quiz is really an introduction to get to not know who you are, but to know what

17:59these are, to let you know which steps are next.

18:02So I have a lot of people that use that as their intake and actually help people use that ACEs

18:09quiz to use that as the beginning of their, whether it's a doctor, whether it is an organization, a nonprofit,

18:17a childcare center, educational tools, professional development.

18:23It's the introduction to let you know what and whatnot.

18:27Like I said, it's one in three now that have an ACEs score.

18:31I don't see too many people that have a zero.

18:35And I've heard people say, well, I don't have it.

18:37And it's quick.

18:37But community violence and the witnessing of community violence gives you an ACE score.

18:46Bullying, if you've ever been bullied, which bullying starts in the home.

18:52Wow.

18:52And so when you think about it, even when you go outside the home and you're at school, somebody makes

18:57fun of you and you had that altercation, you have ACEs.

19:00And I think that's the awareness tool for me because I can provide an example for each and every person

19:05that says, oh, I don't have it.

19:09And then once I provide that example, it's like, okay, what's next?

19:15That is so profound because some people can be in denial, like you said.

19:20And when you start to peel back the onion, I would say when it comes to bullying, I think everybody

19:28has experienced that, right?

19:29I mean, right now, I will say on this date, you have a young lady that has been bullied by

19:37her sexual abuser for years.

19:39She won the case, and this young man, who shall not remain nameless, number 47, is paying the price.

19:51We're talking about over $5 million to someone he sexually abused, and she's finally getting that retribution.

19:58Which means if she's getting paid, 47 is a sexual abuser.

20:05And so until we can get in a normalcy, because right now we're placing people that are sexual abusers in

20:13jail, we're letting other people that are sexual abusers run your country.

20:18We have to have that conversation.

20:20That's why I said I'm ready for the financial discussion.

20:24Yeah.

20:24Because when you think of ACEs, and when you think about what we just discussed, ta-da, let's link it.

20:32Because that question that you asked was so huge to where it could definitely be added and be a discussion

20:40under the ACEs umbrella.

20:43Okay, so let's discuss the money aspect of it.

20:50So as you look back at your life, you know, I look back at my life, and that leads me

20:57up to where I am here, being a financial coach, assisting people.

21:03Look back at your life, and when did you know that something with money just wasn't right?

21:10When was that moment where the light bulb clicked, where you're like, something's just not right here?

21:16When I was a kid, and that's why I said it's linked to adverse childhood experiences.

21:21I grew up in a society where we were in poverty.

21:28My next meal, if it wasn't for home, it was at the local Boys and Girls Club, because I know

21:32that they could feed me.

21:33And so, you know, when you're living and you're growing up in poverty, and you have those experiences, you want

21:39to do something different.

21:40And so I started off as a black sheep when I was nine years old.

21:44I knew that I wanted different, not because I was used to it, because I knew that there was something

21:50better out there.

21:52I am a first generation high school graduate.

21:55So again, think about that.

21:57What we take lightly, my parents didn't even get the opportunity to do.

22:03Yes, they have completed now, but at that time, high school, we have that now.

22:12I was the first person in my family to do that.

22:15So what was my next step?

22:16My dad was like, well, just don't just get pregnant.

22:18I'm just don't get pregnant.

22:19All right, what I did that was next.

22:21And so there was no guide.

22:23I think what I love about what you're doing is you're giving people the tools that they need in order.

22:30I mean, money beliefs are some of the most common and least discussed trauma responses.

22:38You know what I mean?

22:39So it's unpredictable.

22:41So you have to control it obsessively or avoid thinking about it altogether, especially with someone that has those adverse

22:49experiences.

22:50homelessness.

22:51That's an adverse childhood experience.

22:53So when you think about it from that standpoint, you know, I never wanted to be homeless.

23:00And so I did whatever I needed to do.

23:03And like I said, growing up in the nineties, that was, you know, Crips and Bloods.

23:08That was the beginning of the gang initiation, the drug neighborhoods and infusing it in our, in our neighborhood.

23:15So I know I look young, but no, I grew up.

23:20You said something that I, like you said, controlling it obsessively.

23:25See, when you want to make sure that poverty doesn't come at your doorstep, you need to make sure that

23:33you do everything.

23:34And I've said this plenty of times, everything in your possible control to make that gap.

23:41Right.

23:42Because if you sit here and do exactly what you're doing today and do nothing different and go along with

23:49the plan, caught up in a matrix.

23:52The enemy all only comes to kill, steal and destroy.

23:55So you have to make sure that you build that bridge so far apart that he cannot catch up.

24:01And I mean, I agree.

24:03I mean, kids who grew up in unstable households often learn that things can be taken away without warning.

24:10So if you look at it from that perspective, a job loss, a check that didn't come, a home that

24:15changed, that wires your nervous system.

24:18You know what I mean?

24:20To associate having enough with the fear it's about to disappear.

24:24And so as adults that can look like overworking, overspending, even when it's not necessary or feeling guilty when things

24:32are going well financially.

24:34So it just depends, you know what I mean, on the situation in a person.

24:38Rest and abundance are not safe at all.

24:43Yeah, there's so many scriptures that, you know, support that as well.

24:47I mean, you could sleep for a little bit, but just don't stay asleep too long.

24:51I'm ready.

24:53So as a child, and this is very important when it comes to the mental aspect.

25:00Once we experience things, once we see things, now it becomes our responsibility to want to do something different.

25:12If you go along with the plan, all you have to do is just look at your parents.

25:17And if you don't do anything different, most likely, and I'm not saying that this happens all the time, God

25:24makes some rare breeds that completely, you know, turn things around.

25:28But majority of the time, you will end up having the same exact lifestyle that your parents had, unless you

25:35decided to do something a little bit different.

25:37I agree.

25:39What are some of the things that you heard growing up or that you witnessed growing up when it comes

25:45to the way you thought and felt about money?

25:49Well, such as I'm going to give you some examples real quick, such as money doesn't grow on trees.

25:55Only this type of person is rich.

26:01Money is the root of all evil.

26:04Money is evil, filthy rich, these types of things.

26:07What were some of the things that you've heard?

26:09I had a good one.

26:10My worth is tied to what I produce.

26:14And that's big for like cycle breakers.

26:17You know what I mean?

26:18I am a cycle breaker.

26:20I am building an organization.

26:23If love or safety in childhood was conditional, tied to performance, caretaking, or not being too much, it's easy to

26:32carry that into adulthood as I only deserve money or success if I'm constantly earning it throughout.

26:39Wow.

26:40So that can quietly drive the burnout.

26:44So like saying my worth is tied to what I produce is heavy for me as a cycle breaker.

26:52However, we didn't talk about money as much.

26:55It wasn't the kids.

26:56You know what I mean?

26:57We didn't address that.

26:59That was for the parents to do.

27:01You know what I mean?

27:01Especially in a life household impacted by aces.

27:06Money was a source of conflict, secrecy, or a crisis.

27:12Like sit down and stay in a child's place.

27:14Exactly.

27:15Talking about money is dangerous or shameful.

27:17You know what I mean?

27:18Yeah.

27:19I don't have McDonald's money.

27:22Yeah.

27:23Yeah.

27:23Oh yeah.

27:24Or mine was the ice cream truck.

27:26Yeah.

27:27Yeah.

27:28That, that right there, that was, and you know, that is kind of traumatizing and I know

27:34people will be like, Oh, it's only back then.

27:36It was only a dollar, but I had neighbors.

27:40It stops the child from asking questions.

27:43If you're, you ask and you're denied, you're going to stop asking.

27:47Hmm.

27:48So you're not going to be asking about money.

27:51If every time you ask, you get rejected.

27:55Here's the difference when it comes to millionaires, the types of conversations that they have when

28:02it comes to their children.

28:04Before they even get into kindergarten, the school system, let's just say the school system

28:10before the children even get into the school system, they're already taught about money.

28:17And in our community, like we said, majority of the time it's not discussed.

28:24Right.

28:27How do we help bridge that gap?

28:33You have to have those hard, hard and heavy discussions.

28:38Like something as simple as growing up, we were given monopoly money.

28:46And when you think about it, when it came to the $500 bill, you only got one.

28:51When you got the $100 bill, you got one.

28:53We were given dollars, 10, 20.

28:59And as your numbers increase, you get less.

29:02So when you think about it from a real perspective, that's a real time to have a conversation,

29:08especially if you're playing a game.

29:10All right.

29:11In real life, this really doesn't happen.

29:14You're going to start off from the bottom.

29:16You're going to start off.

29:17I think that's one thing.

29:18If you think about monopoly and how it's paid, played and paid.

29:24Yeah.

29:25Blue is the most money.

29:28Park place.

29:30War walk.

29:31But then you start off and the color scheme gets different as it goes.

29:36So those type of conversations can be had.

29:40You just have to reframe it to where the person that's listening can understand.

29:47That's the issue.

29:48We want to have conversations with people that don't want to answer questions either.

29:53Because they weren't, we're not used to it.

29:56You have to think about communities that didn't have a chance to have those conversations.

30:01And that is the issue.

30:03It's not an issue when money was a source of conflict again.

30:11We never talked about it.

30:13Your parents dealt with it.

30:14When you grew up and it was your turn, it was for you to learn it on your own.

30:20We need you.

30:22We need more people out there having the conversation to say, hey, this is what happened to me.

30:26This is why this happened.

30:28This is the reason why you shouldn't take this route.

30:31The experience.

30:32The experience is what's going to help you.

30:36It's going to help you heal.

30:37Because once you learn from those, you'll know what not to do next.

30:41Credit cards.

30:42Financial freedom.

30:44We think credit cards are everything when they're actually hurting us.

30:49But we're quick.

30:50They're the first people to come and say, hey, come get this credit card.

30:53Hey, come do this.

30:54But then they're quick to turn you down for a loan unless the APR, the annual percentage rate is 35%.

31:01So again, it's the awareness.

31:03It's the education that's going to help people in a light that they are not aware of.

31:09It's the reason why I talk about ACES.

31:10It's the reason why you talk about financial freedom.

31:13Just think about how much of an impact that could be if we sit down and educate people and have

31:17that conversation so they'll know.

31:18They'll be able to pass that on based off of their live experiences and know what not to do next.

31:25Absolutely.

31:26Think about the people that are homeless.

31:27They weren't always homeless.

31:30They weren't always homeless.

31:31Hmm.

31:32We got them there.

31:34Right.

31:35Right.

31:36Right.

31:36That's why all of this is tied financially to your nervous system, unfortunately.

31:44Now, I don't want to say the word struggle, but I process this in my mind that there are a

31:53group of people that maybe you just can't.

31:57Can't help.

31:58Do you ever come across that where you say, OK, maybe there's a group of people that this I'm just

32:03not for them.

32:06No, you don't come across that.

32:08I don't believe it because education is key.

32:15Education is key when you're when you are.

32:22It's a it's about the awareness, you know what I mean?

32:24So let's let's talk about.

32:28Not having to do things on your own or having to do it all alone, hyper village, hyper.

32:36Self-reliance, I'll give you that.

32:39It's it's their protective adaptations.

32:42We're going to protect ourselves regardless.

32:44If you can't count on adults to show up, you have to learn to be your own safety net.

32:50So financially, that can show up as difficulty delegating distrust or partnerships or resistance to asking for investments or supports,

32:57even when it could help you scale.

32:59So when you think about helping people, I don't see where you cannot just help anybody.

33:07I truly believe in education.

33:10Well, I'm not going to do it.

33:11Have you tried it?

33:14Let me give you this week.

33:16That's just like going for when somebody say, oh, my God, what's wrong with you?

33:20Instead of saying, well, what's wrong?

33:22How come you don't have no money?

33:23Well, what happened to your money?

33:25All right.

33:26What happened?

33:27Tell me what happened.

33:30What steps can you take next?

33:31So, again, I haven't because I answer or I ask questions differently.

33:37Like, girl, what's we quick?

33:38If something is something wrong with someone, you laugh.

33:44What's wrong with somebody?

33:45We quick to say, what's wrong?

33:48Oh, my God.

33:50Instead of saying, well, what happened?

33:52Let them talk.

33:54Listen, I'm a storyteller and I can't help that.

33:56I can't help being a storyteller.

33:58However, that what happened and that listening can help people financially.

34:05I want to learn.

34:06I want to learn.

34:07I want to make money.

34:10You can't talk me over if you don't know what you're doing.

34:13No shade.

34:13I really want to hear what you got to say.

34:15So what happened?

34:16Let me know.

34:17I always say that to help break that up when it comes to, you know, maybe you just can't help

34:25everybody.

34:25There are a group of people that maybe are just going to stay stuck.

34:30Like I said, I'm processing that.

34:32And I'm at that point where I'm, you know, bridging that gap there.

34:39And as I'm going through this, I just lost my train of thought with the question that I was going

34:45to ask because it was going so deep.

34:48I get it.

34:49I understand what you're saying, but I just don't see.

34:53There you go.

34:54I got it back.

34:54Like money has not an issue.

34:58You know what I mean?

34:59Because you have people that think about money because it's the root of all evil.

35:05So they.

35:06However.

35:07So they think it is.

35:09Exactly.

35:11Okay.

35:11Because that's what that's.

35:12Yeah.

35:13So they think it is.

35:14Yeah.

35:17So I always say that there is a big difference between people who are in it and then people who

35:25have actually hit their financial rock bottom.

35:28And when they hit that financial rock bottom, they're like, absolutely not.

35:32I'm cutting up the credit cards.

35:34I understand the situation that I'm in.

35:36I'm going to do everything that I can do to get out of this.

35:39And they they seek help because they hit that financial rock bottom and they just are done versus the person

35:45who's still out there spinning, partying, carrying on and basically, you know, dwindling away their future.

35:52So there's a big, big gap there.

35:53Right.

35:54When when did you figure out?

35:57Okay, this is my financial rock bottom.

36:00What was that pivotal point for you?

36:02I'm going to dive in on something personal.

36:08Divorced in 2016.

36:122016.

36:13So that was 10 years ago.

36:15However, we have children.

36:18And I noticed that that financial abuse was becoming an issue because in the marriage I was always doing.

36:26I wasn't thinking I was always doing.

36:28But when we separated and it became a divorce, I had to stop.

36:34But I also knew after a while that the financial abuse was coming from my ex to drain me.

36:45I started paying attention to it.

36:48Bills would need to get paid in regards to my children.

36:52And when we were married, I would just pay them.

36:56And when we divorced for the first couple of years, I was just paying them because I just don't like

37:01conflict.

37:01But then I thought about it.

37:03Oh, I'm being used.

37:06Oh, this is the financial abuse that people are talking about.

37:09Oh, okay.

37:10I get it.

37:13That's what made me hit the financial because I paid attention to what was happening, if that makes sense.

37:21Yeah.

37:22Like, oh, you was doing this when we were married.

37:25I didn't pay attention to it.

37:26And now that we're separated, here it is.

37:28Yeah.

37:29Everything.

37:30Every bill.

37:30Every, especially the big bills.

37:33Yeah.

37:34Me having to say no.

37:37To say, yeah, this isn't happening.

37:40And I'm not just talking about an ex.

37:44I'm talking about friends and family, too.

37:47Oh, absolutely.

37:48Because when you get to a point and they see that you're doing well, then that's when people start grabbing

37:53and saying, hey, can you help or can you do this?

37:55And that N-O is so powerful.

37:58When you're a people pleaser, people don't know how to use it.

38:01But until you understand what it means and what to do, you'll know.

38:06For me, it became a, yeah, it's time to stop.

38:12And I had to actually stop with the no.

38:16Yeah, that's so mystical because that same scenario that you spoke about, we had somebody write in to the show

38:23and we basically broke it down as well.

38:26Going through that divorce, that financial situation where bills were paid before and then now they're not.

38:35And now I have to figure out how to maneuver and get through it.

38:39And a lot of times and I've said this before in the past is because I always say that marriages

38:44is a business partnership.

38:46I know it's marriages.

38:48It is what it is.

38:49It's the lovey dovey stuff.

38:50But at the end of the day, it's a business partnership.

38:53And I know it sounds harsh because I have been there, too.

38:57But you have to make sure that you're digging into the details and having those business meetings and knowing where

39:04this money is going and where that's going.

39:06Because, you know, I've been in some situations where the books were being cooked a little bit and money was

39:12being stashed off on the side and no good.

39:16Right.

39:16You got to know where that money is and you got to know where it's going.

39:19And you have to have that open and honest conversation with each other.

39:26And you said something else, which I want to touch base on.

39:30Once you hit your financial rock bottom for the people out there who, you know, are at that moment, once

39:36you start building yourself up.

39:38Yes, it takes time just as much as you dug yourself a hole.

39:41It is going to take you some time to get out of that.

39:44So I get it.

39:45But when the family, when the friends, when the unbelievers see that you have made a turnaround, you've done that

39:53180.

39:55Now, all of a sudden, they might start paying attention to what you were doing, but they are not doing

40:01their work, but they might want you to go in and help.

40:06And you said a powerful situation of saying no.

40:10I've often said this and I know some people deal with this conflict because they might have the money.

40:20But do you have the money to give to them?

40:23I always say, I don't have it to give to you.

40:27I've had people who have wrote in about draining their emergency savings fund for a family member who refuses to

40:35do their work.

40:37Right.

40:37And for me, I just protect my peace.

40:40I have three girls and I let it be known as soon as I found out that I was expecting

40:47because I was always the giver.

40:49And as soon as I found that I was expecting, I let everybody know, friends, family, do not ask me

40:54for anything.

40:55I cannot. If it does not have anything to do with my children, I cannot.

40:58And and I set that tone then I still stick with it now, especially with them going to schools.

41:04I'm a single mother. You know what I mean?

41:07So I don't have the money to give.

41:09And I think for me in regards of stereotypes, I'm a doctor.

41:15I've been a doctor since 2019.

41:17And in our community, there is a stereotype that we are rich.

41:21And let's be clear, it's a lot for us to get here.

41:25But we are trying just like everybody else.

41:29You have to look at the lens from a black woman's perspective.

41:33Everything is not DEI and everything on my end was earned.

41:38But they are very intimidated by black by black women right now.

41:42It's not just me. We're talking about every where.

41:46So when you look at the dynamics period of money, we're talking about financial freedom.

41:51We're talking about things.

41:52It looks different from a black woman's perspective because there are so many people that are not for us, period.

41:59They don't want us to succeed.

42:01But I will tell you and anybody else, have you a black woman on your team and see how much

42:06you can succeed.

42:07Because we know what to do based off of our experiences.

42:10Seriously.

42:11I know how to manage money based off of my past experiences.

42:17Seriously.

42:18I know that's right.

42:19Yeah.

42:21Wow.

42:22That was a lot.

42:24Listen, I.

42:28It's it's it's really financial abuse is real.

42:32Like, you know, I mean, it's it's out here.

42:34It's just imagine having to.

42:37Go to court and know that you don't want to be there.

42:42But every month there's a pushback because of financial abuse or being.

42:49What do I say?

42:50An entrepreneur waiting on your next track.

42:53So you all know you don't.

42:55Once you hit that rock bottom, you'll know what not to do.

42:59What not to do.

43:00So, yes, I like I said, lived experiences, and I'll stick with that.

43:05Whether we're talking about ases or just experiences altogether.

43:10The lived experiences are seriously your best experience.

43:12Here and you have to learn from those you know what to do on what not to do.

43:15And when it's an experience you don't want to experience anymore, you don't.

43:20You do the next step. And that next step is learning from that.

43:24People tell you to save. But if you don't, you know what's going to happen if you don't.

43:29So it's something as easy as learning from your past experiences. Seriously.

43:36Well, let's stay on this helping the black community.

43:41We're going to get into something which is burning questions.

43:44And let's look at it in general.

43:48What beliefs about money do you believe that is holding back our community from financial freedom?

43:57And I'll say that again. What beliefs about money do you believe that is holding our community back from financial

44:05freedom?

44:06That it's not earned.

44:09That it's not earned.

44:11And I'm going to say that because I really did not appreciate and I'm speaking from my own personal perspective.

44:22I've always had a hustle mentality because I had to live and I had to survive.

44:26But when I became an entrepreneur, it just hits differently because, you know, the importance of your dollar,

44:33especially when it's earned as someone that is living for that dollar every day.

44:40So I'm going to say, to answer the question again, you said, what beliefs have money about money?

44:49Have you accepted that may be holding you back from financial freedom?

44:53Yeah, I want to I want to I want to I want to look at it from our community.

44:58What what seems to be holding us back?

45:00We're not educated.

45:02We're not.

45:03We're not educated at all.

45:06I'm trying to teach some of my mentees the importance of a dollar bill.

45:12For every dollar, save another one.

45:16So if you have a checking account, put that dollar in there and then that savings account and do this

45:22or a Roth IRA or there's so many different financial freedom opportunities that we as a community are not educated

45:37on.

45:37But so, again, I talked about the Roth IRA or I talked about stocks and trading or I talked about,

45:44you know, just investing CDs, IRAs, that type of thing.

45:51We're not doing that.

45:52We're looking for a we're not living for tomorrow.

45:56So if that answers the question, I hope that answers.

46:00But we we live for we don't live forever.

46:04And we know that, but we don't plan to live for the future.

46:09We live for today.

46:11Yeah.

46:11A lot of things that you said, a lot of people in our community have never heard these things.

46:17So I'm going to repeat them.

46:18We talked about we talked about stocks.

46:20We talked about investing.

46:22We talked about a Roth IRA.

46:23We talked about CDs.

46:28We talked about savings.

46:31A lot of people in our community don't even have a bank account with a legitimate bank.

46:37So I would say beliefs about money that are holding us back is that you have to spend every single

46:46dollar.

46:47And don't worry, I get paid next week.

46:49So the fact that we spend the whole dollar, do you really need to spend the whole entire dollar?

46:57Or can you save some of it?

46:58Can you invest some of it?

47:00And can you live off the rest?

47:02Right.

47:02That's that type of mentality.

47:05When I was growing up, I was always told that money doesn't grow on trees.

47:10Exactly.

47:11But in reality, it does.

47:13And there's like great trees that can be grown inside of a brokerage account.

47:17But a lot of people in our community don't even know what a brokerage account is.

47:22Exactly.

47:23So it's deep.

47:25You know what I'm saying.

47:26Yeah.

47:27But that's why you're here.

47:29And that's why you're needed.

47:31Because who else is going to have that conversation and educate people on having the financial freedom?

47:39That's your purpose.

47:41That's the reason why you're here.

47:42That's the reason why this podcast is what it is.

47:45That's the reason why you have people that have subscribed.

47:48Because they want to hear from you.

47:49They want to know based off of your lived experiences.

47:53Something put you in this position that you said, I don't want this to happen to me or happen to

47:58anybody else.

48:00So I'm here to help you.

48:01I think if you push the agenda a lot more and give people those examples and educate them like you've

48:06been doing, then more and more people will stem your way.

48:10And that's the reason why, again, me doing this education on ACES has helped people heal because those experiences.

48:18You've been through some stuff.

48:20Yeah.

48:22Thank you so much for coming on and bringing that insight.

48:27I appreciate that.

48:28I know we're getting up against the clock.

48:31So, again, I want you to go ahead and let us know exactly where we can follow you.

48:36Anything that you have going on coming up this month, the rest of the week, let us know.

48:41Honestly, it's for me as an educator, the summers have always been a break.

48:46But this year is different.

48:48And this year is different because I am actually surprised going back into public education after I have ran in

48:56a rave and said that I wasn't going back at all.

48:59But I'm glad you said that because, again, we're talking about understanding financial freedom.

49:05I've been an entrepreneur since 2020.

49:08It's time for me to go ahead and get the stuff that is rightfully mine based off of my experiences.

49:14So, I'm Dr. Victorious, you guys.

49:17I am everywhere as Dr. Victorious.

49:20I am on Facebook.

49:23I am on TikTok.

49:25I am on Instagram.

49:29LinkedIn, I am myself, Dr. Tori McDonnell-Williams.

49:32I can actually be found everywhere as Dr. Tori McDonnell-Williams.

49:36But if you're looking for any type of transformational leadership, coaching, professional development, training, staffs, I'm talking about corporations, organizations,

49:48school districts, barbershops, beauty salons.

49:51We're talking about police.

49:53We're talking about if anybody can get this ACES education.

49:57Come talk to me.

49:59I'm everywhere.

49:59That is so true.

50:01That is so true.

50:03Thank you so much for joining.

50:05We've been waiting to have this conversation.

50:07I can tell we can go some more.

50:09But nonetheless.

50:10I was going to say that.

50:11I feel like we need to do this again.

50:14Yes.

50:14That is so good.

50:15Thank you for having me again.

50:17You are so welcome.

50:18Take care and enjoy.

50:19All right.

50:20Thank you so much.

50:21All right.

50:23All right, ladies and gentlemen, there you have it, Dr. Tori.

50:35We are up against this good old clock.

50:38But that was very empowering and rejuvenating, I want to say.

50:46I definitely didn't appreciate that and enjoy that conversation.

50:51So, like I said, we're on this journey here all week.

50:54So continue to come in, set your alarm, set your reminders, subscribe, text, tag a friend,

51:02do whatever you need to do to support the podcast.

51:04We will be here broadcasting at 5 a.m.

51:08So good morning to all of you people out there who rock with us first thing in the morning.

51:13I want to say thank you so much.

51:14And on that note, I will see you when I see you.

51:18We have more mental health awareness coming up.

51:23We have author Birdman313 coming in.

51:27I have a very special spiritual guest coming on towards the end of the week.

51:32I'm doing something a little bit different this time around and just keeping them a surprise.

51:38So you'll have to come back and check it out.

51:41Focusing on debt-free living from the spiritual, the mental, the physical, and financial lenses.

51:49So on that note, thank you so much for hanging out with me.

51:53And I will see you when I see you.

51:55Take care, y'all.

51:57Have a good night.

52:00Bye.

52:01Bye.

52:08Bye.

52:20Bye.

52:22Bye.

52:24Bye.

52:26Bye.

52:27Bye.

The Stories Money Tells | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 39)

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