The Price of Avoiding Hard Conversations | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 15) - video Dailymotion

Lerin Gaines

The Price of Avoiding Hard Conversations | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 15)  Featuring: Wine Down Wednesday, Mentorship Series  Wednesday | March 4th, 2026  Streaming LIVE on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES  https://leringaines.com https://linktr.ee/leringaines https://www.facebook.com/leringaines http://instagram.com/leringaines https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines http://twitter.com/leringaines https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines https://dlive.tv/LerinGaines https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines  Song of The Day: "Ordinary People" by John Legend Released 2004 | Get Lifted  Burning Questions for Reflections! What is silence around money protecting - and what is it quietly costing? Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions... Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com  DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, DLIVE, Twitch, DailyMotion)  Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!  Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com  #Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #DLIVE #Twitch #DailyMotion #DebtFreeLiving #FinancialCoach #LerinGaines #411Podcast #RBTW #ReadingBetweenTheWines #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC6 #Vitality  DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.  411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines DISC 6: Vitality Track 15: The Price of Avoiding Hard Conversations ©️ 2026 Black Diamond Consultations Network LerinGaines.com

Transcript

00:29I'll see you next time.

11:54Take a long,

18:01Okay.

18:31I hear you.

19:28This is one of the

20:04You know,

20:34you know,

20:52I know exactly what you're

21:08I know, you know,

21:34I was stranded.

21:36I had to stay.

21:37And I said,

21:41I said, I said,

22:13I'll, I said, yeah, I said, yeah, I'll say, I says, I say, I said, I told you, I said,

22:18yeah, they're, yeah, they're...

22:41We haven't been up there so I can't we ain't been up there in a minute it goes up to

22:50Let me see here one

22:55Oh

22:57167

22:59167 then

23:01Okay, all right 167

23:03Oh, I think we've been here before

23:07Okay

23:09166 then

23:10No, no, no, that's good. It's just it's just worded different. I think we've been here before with this

23:15Topic so we're just gonna see how this flows out

23:19All right

23:20Don't let your child borrow for college with a private loan

23:24If your child asks for you to co-sign for a student loan

23:28Be very very worried. The only loans that require a co-signer are private loans offered by banks

23:35Private loans are too risky for the borrower

23:38It can be risky for you

23:40Signing on means that in the event that your child does not repay the loan you will be liable for

23:45payments

23:46And these loans are nearly impossible to get rid of in bankruptcy

23:50Your child

23:51Should choose a school that they can financially afford to attend

23:56I strongly encourage your child to focus on using

24:00Only federal staffer loans

24:02They are much better than private student loans

24:06There are limits on how much you can borrow each year through the staffer program

24:11And their aim should be to attend a school where financial aid

24:16Their aim should be to attend a school where financial aid plus the staffer loan will cover their expenses

24:24So

24:26Let's just talk about co-signing in general. So what do you think about this?

24:31That is so true

24:35I a man that is so true

24:38Because I don't know how my parents managed it

24:42But they managed to flip their loan totally on me

24:47And I had to end up paying it back

24:50And when I tell you it took me

24:54Almost 20 years it took me almost 20 years to pay it off

25:01And I I don't advise you know

25:05You right the loans bank loans

25:08Oh, they they those the worst kind and that's where a lot of people get trapped in

25:15Wrapped up and trapped up

25:17Yeah, they get trapped up in that type of loan because they're like oh, man

25:23My bank is doing this for me. Yeah, your bank is digging a hole for you

25:29and

25:31You know, um

25:33Because

25:35When you when you take out a bunch of money which I did because I didn't know no better

25:41And my parents was like, oh, well, they will you know, just get in school. You can take out loans.

25:47That's that's how they told me

25:48Because they didn't know no better

25:52Exactly exactly

25:55And

25:56And you know afterwards

25:59Like I said man for years

26:02I was paying on it and I wasn't paying on yeah, I was paying on and I wasn't paid

26:07That's why it took me so long

26:10So long to pay it off

26:13And it might have been longer than 20 years. I just know it seemed like it was a bill I

26:17could never get rid of

26:22I think I think you uh

26:24Said something that was very interesting your parents were smart

26:28Because you said they uh flipped it on you

26:30Yeah, yeah

26:34They said absolutely not I ain't paying for this

26:38You know, the funny thing was

26:41My dad said well, I ain't going down there so my mom said I am

26:46And my dad said long long you don't put my name on there

26:50I'm all right with it

26:52It's like that and

26:55Hey, that's what happened to me

26:59Don't be

27:00Huh?

27:01Now I was just say so many people they have over a hundred thousand dollars in student loan debt

27:06I can't tell you

27:08Um, the amount of conversations

27:11That I have and

27:14People have well over a hundred thousand dollars in student loan debts

27:19Yes

27:20That's a house that's multiple. I mean depending on where you buy the house that could be more than one

27:26Yeah

27:27And i'll tell anybody man if you can avoid them loans

27:32Hey

27:33avoid them

27:37Yeah, agree definitely do agree

27:40Like I said, we've we've been here before we talked about the student loan uh

27:44situation last week, I believe

27:46Um, or maybe the week week prior to that

27:49Because if you don't that's the one debt that's unforgivable

27:54And if you don't don't pay it off, they're coming after your paycheck

27:57They're going to get dig into your bank account

27:59Uh, they're they're going to take your income tax money and

28:04they will

28:05Reduce your social security benefits so they're going to get that money back one way or the other

28:09Yeah, plus you know what you'll as far as if you want to go out and get a new car

28:15You can forget about that. Well, you can get it, but you're gonna pay a higher rate

28:19You want to go buy a house?

28:21Same thing

28:23I'm in

28:24I know some jobs

28:26There are some jobs if you oh

28:29You can they will not hire you

28:32Yeah, that's

28:34That's crazy to me because listen that I don't agree with because why am I here?

28:40I'm here to get a job so I could pay it off

28:43Yes, but you know re you know what they're you i'm gonna tell you what their their philosophy is

28:50They're they're there or they're thinking

28:53If he's here, he's gonna steal

28:56Yeah, that's crazy

28:58I had a cousin that worked at a bank in new orleans before he passed away

29:05And we was talking about that one day

29:08And he said

29:10He said there's he said he said you know he said cuz there's two jobs you cannot get when you

29:16owe money

29:17And I said yeah, I see I said tell me two and I could tell you ten he started laughing

29:22And he said you cannot work at a jewelry store

29:25You cannot work at a bank

29:28I knew you were gonna say a bank. Yeah

29:31I knew that and you can't work at a or well

29:35I guess you could toss the credit union in with the bank but a credit union bank

29:40A jewelry store you cannot work in at all

29:47Crazy so you gotta have a great credit score in order to work at a bank

29:51Yes

29:53Yeah, I don't know what they nothing in there anyway

29:56What you gonna take yeah all that money that you think is in the bank ain't even in there, but

30:01that's a whole nother story

30:03Yeah, but you'd be surprised though

30:06I mean, there's some money in there, but it ain't like what we think so yeah

30:12All right, let's get on into tonight's assignment. This is gonna be an interesting one. I have a feeling it

30:18is we gonna help out miss felicia

30:21St louis, missouri

30:24Felicia says

30:25My partner not my partner and I don't fight about money

30:30We just don't talk about it

30:32When we first moved in together it felt easier to keep things separate he paid

30:38Certain bills I paid up if something comes up you figure it out the system worked one

30:44Now it just feels unclear. I've got credit card debt. He

30:49Doesn't fully know

30:52Not because I'm hiding

30:53Know how to bring it up without feeling embarrassed fine because I handle my responsibilities

30:59I assume he's fine because he doesn't say otherwise me

31:04Meanwhile, we're building a life on partial

31:07Wine nights

31:10Are usually when I think about it the most

31:14Sitting on the couch

31:15Both of us relaxed and I wonder why it feels easier to talk about our dreams than our numbers

31:22I don't want secrets between us

31:24But I also don't want to introduce tension where there isn't any

31:29How do you open the door

31:31To honest money conversations without making it feel

31:36Like a confrontation how do we help out miss felician?

31:41Man, you know what?

31:43I have i've been back and forth with this one

31:46because

31:48Unless you're gonna get married

31:50What's the issue but if you're gonna get married

31:54You need to come clean with about everything

31:58I mean, that's i'm just i'm saying up about i'm i'm just saying on my end. That's how

32:05I ain't said, you know, um

32:09That's that like I said that was that was one of those I have been ever since I seen that

32:14and i've been thinking about it

32:16But then I remember a situation that I was in

32:22and

32:25It fell back on me and I was trying to figure out how did I get into this

32:33And it will cause problems

32:36I don't know what she's scared to tell them about you talked about all the other bills

32:40What are you afraid to tell them? Why are you afraid to tell them about the credit cards?

32:49Because see then see he now when he finds out about the credit cards

32:57Don't you think he gonna be wondering?

32:59What have you been doing behind my back?

33:03To be in debt with these credit cards

33:06You know going to hotels

33:08Uh buying gifts for other people

33:13Wait

33:15Yeah

33:18We gotta back this thing up you said

33:21Yeah, you said going to hotels

33:26No, why why would that be a case what would be going on? Why would somebody be doing that?

33:34Oh, man, okay, I you know, okay

33:38You got a lot of school now, man

33:42Going to hotels meeting somebody at a hotel

33:45Okay, all right. I just wanted to make sure that we were on the same page

33:50That's what I mean meeting meeting other people

33:53People at hotels for a couple hours, you know

33:59Um, buying lavish gifts for other people and and that's what will because if he had credit cards and he

34:08didn't tell her

34:11She'll be wanting to know well

34:14Why is your credit card almost burnt out?

34:20Hey, that's the first thing and that's the first thing gonna come to her mind

34:24Are you meeting somebody at the hotel?

34:26Are you buying somebody, you know, like negligee's and

34:31Wine and flowers and stuff like that. That's what i'm talking about

34:35That's that's what started creeping in people's minds

34:40Like that song like that song creep from tlc. Yes

34:47Yes

34:49Why is why is her why is her if she said that?

34:53Okay, she said she take care of hers. He take care of his but why is her credit card still?

35:01This is this is where it could be a problem

35:04I know you said if you're not married then

35:08There shouldn't be an issue but here could be the issue when you're not married

35:13Because you're living together, right?

35:15Yeah, you both you both signed the lease

35:17So both of your names are on the lease

35:20See if you're gonna play this game

35:23Don't have your name on the lease

35:26Exactly

35:27Because if they decide to do the 180 on you if they don't want you anymore

35:32Things go sour you can walk away in peace and get out

35:35See when you sign your name to a contract and you're on a lease and you're playing this game

35:42Yeah, this this could be a problem see for me personally

35:46Again, i'm not here to give any financial advice. This is just my personal opinion

35:52If i'm gonna sign my name to a lease

35:54We won't have to have some understanding as far as who's spending what and what's happening what because

36:01Let's say that i'm paying all of the bills

36:04On my end appropriately, but you out there blacking out doing some reckless disrespectful stuff

36:11Now when push come to shove

36:14I'm responsible for everything

36:18Because my name's on that lease

36:20Now if you do some disrespectful backwards stuff and you can't come up with the money

36:26I can't say oh, I pay my end so i'm good

36:29They're gonna be knocking on that door and they're gonna be wanting the whole thing

36:33So i'm gonna have to come out of my pocket to make sure that we good

36:36So that my credit score and everything else don't get affected

36:41So that's why I feel that

36:44Even if you're not married you sign a lease with somebody that's a

36:49That's no good

36:50No, you're gonna have to have some sort of understanding

36:53You won't have to have some sort of

36:55Joint bank account situation so you can monitor and make sure we're on the same page and when you see

37:01that

37:01Whatever you said wasn't going to be deposited by the 15th of each month ain't there

37:06Then i'm you know what i'm saying we could yeah this this yeah

37:12Yeah

37:14Well, you know, that's why i could that's why i'm saying you know

37:16What what is the first thing they're gonna they're gonna think of?

37:20They don't think of um hope that's why i'm saying hope that's where the hotel and lavish gifts comes in

37:28Yeah, this is craziness. This is craziness

37:31Yeah

37:32People out there who uh sign these lease agreements

37:36This is why people end up in and in court

37:41You know, it's funny you said that and i'm gonna bring in a little piece of my life

37:46I was trying to get an apartment one time

37:49and

37:51During the time that's when I first moved down here

37:55And it was I can't think of the guy's name now, but he had mostly all

38:02the good apartments

38:05He owned them after well for a little bit then his wife took it in divorce

38:11but anyway

38:13I went and filled out the application. I never had

38:18An apartment down here the one I had up in michigan. I left on good terms

38:24I went there and

38:27They called me and said you got turned down

38:31And i'm like why then they said you have some credit card bills

38:37So I don't have no credit card bills

38:41And then they you know, this is your name, right? I'm like yeah

38:46Okay, then you need to check

38:50A couple hours later, I get another call

38:54It was from sears

38:56They said hey

38:58Where are you at and i'm like it kind of well that threw me there so what you mean what

39:03you mean where i'm at

39:05You know, who is this and they told me

39:08And then they said

39:10Oh, okay, they said some charges is coming in from michigan

39:15But we noticed you've been charged somebody been charging your credit card here in

39:22Texas

39:23Houston, I said yes, because I moved here so you're not in michigan. I'm like no

39:28They said sir, you need to come into our office and i'm like what so I went it was sears

39:34Back then I went into the office i'm sitting in the office

39:38Hey, man, they said, uh, look at this. It's a charge coming in now

39:43Says somebody is using your credit card

39:47And i'm like i pulled i reached in my pot pulled out my you know wallet

39:52I said i got my credit card right here

39:54They said how many credit cards was you issue?

39:57I said two

39:59They said you only got one with you

40:02And I had gave one to my ex-wife

40:07And she was supposed to being using it because we had had a child together when we was in high

40:12school and she is supposed to been using that

40:16For him well come to find out this guy she was messing around with

40:23He had gotten a hold of my credit cards

40:26And he charged them up he charged up my uh, sears my jc pennies my exxon

40:35That's great. I had to make phone calls

40:39And get them all stopped

40:42When I said something to her she denied it she denied it to the end man

40:47And i'm like, I can't even get this apartment

40:52I can't I said i'm getting calls I said okay

40:56I said listen to what sears is saying

41:00And she denied it and she denied it and she denied it and then she said why am i having

41:06my brother?

41:06I said, I don't want to talk nobody in your family

41:13And and and then that no no that that's not

41:17I was giving them money for the car note

41:20I get up one morning to go to work

41:24And i'm like hey man the car gone. I knew you were gonna say that

41:31So when my sister came up my little sister she came home and I said hey

41:38When you left for school, did you see the car she said you know bro?

41:42She said I thought maybe that you had stayed out all night long

41:48And it got repossessed and i'm like i've been giving you the money so

41:54I got on fire caught you know, I said car the place see what's up

41:58Man, she had me calling the police

42:01Do you know I could have got in trouble for making a false police report?

42:07That's why i'm that's why i'm saying

42:10Why she can't tell him about these credit cards

42:16And then when I talked to the people about the car

42:21They said oh, um, hey you you like told me how many months behind i'm like

42:28I looked at her and i'm like i've been giving you

42:32Money for this what you been doing with oh i've been sending in i'm at a dude

42:39Like I said, my credit was

42:44Listen this this what I gotta say

42:49That's it what you basically told us uh was confirmation on top of felicia's

42:55Stuff that she has going on felicia gets a game over for

43:00Straight up game over for secrecy's and all of that nonsense

43:06People think twice before you start to cohabitate with people and sign leases and get into situations because felicia

43:14is

43:16Secrets, but she also doesn't want to introduce tension where there isn't any so not taking responsibility for her actions

43:23and

43:24And her role she's okay

43:28Just keeping it this way and way is obviously not fixing it

43:33What's done in darkness will come to light eventually

43:36And we don't want to be around to see this so

43:39Think twice before you sign leases and get wrapped up and trapped up into these situations with folks

43:45That's all I have to say

43:47And um

43:49Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I was saying

43:52Yeah, that that's all I gotta say about them

43:55That's why I said you know if you if if you paying on your bills regularly

44:02You know, you you know you pay on it they'll start going down but if you pay no and then

44:08use it it's never going down

44:11Exactly that's the trap that people do they pay

44:14And then

44:16They use and they pay and they swipe and they pay and they swipe and you just basically on a

44:22hamster wheel

44:24Exactly and

44:25Dude, man, you know my dad

44:28I looked at him. He just he he said I ain't got nothing to say

44:32He said he he man, you know, he said some things

44:36You know, my mom she just looked at me they both you know, both of them is shaking their head

44:43I said hell i'm gonna get a headache looking at both of y'all shaking your heads

44:51You know, but I you know, like I said she's keeping a secret

44:56When she says she don't want to keep a secret, but how

45:00How can you tell or we don't talk about money? Okay, cool?

45:05Okay, but you got a bill

45:08and

45:11It the thing about it too is how they sneak this one in on you believe it or not

45:17They said well, hey, you know them clothes you you wear I bought that on my credit card

45:22So you can't you can't help me pay for it?

45:27Yeah, oh I paid this for you you can't help me oh if I hadn't did this for you

45:35I went I wouldn't have I wouldn't have this this um this much on the credit card

45:42Man, I'm a item that played like that I didn't like and I said man, you know what I don't

45:52No, not again. That's why it was so hard for me to trust anybody

45:58When I first met that's anybody I was harder to it was hard for me to trust them

46:05Now there are certain people I trust

46:10Thoroughly, you know, I put my you know, I you know, I'm trusted. I mean, you know with them

46:17And listen and then there's a lot of people they tell me stuff

46:21Like I said, i've been getting all these invitations to all this stuff a lot of them. I just I

46:26just um

46:27I just delete it man. I don't even want to hear

46:32Exactly

46:33For foxy brown got a joint called jail being and basically she she sampled uh, gwen gun threes

46:41um, I think she had nothing going on but the rent and foxy says sure you can charge it

46:48But the bill is due so yeah

46:50I don't agree with that either because there's a problem when people

46:54Rack up on your credit card and the bill is doing they don't pay so don't get caught up in

46:59that either

46:59But I do like the mindset that she was in sure you could charge it

47:03But the bill is due anybody in their right mind

47:05Would say okay. Yeah, i'm gonna pay you back, but you know, you can't count on that. So

47:10Don't even bank on that

47:11And you know what the bad part about it was

47:15My ex even to if I was asked her by today, she'll say

47:20Nah, she never did it

47:23She was in such a deny I I just said, you know, i'm tired of this

47:28I walked out my dad said where you going man? I'm going to find me a place to stay

47:32But you got a family they need to go find them a place to stay

47:37Oh, I can't you like you know, and my dad's all now. I said look I didn't bring them down

47:43here

47:44And then I come to realize that's why I have I was up in allentown playing ball

47:52And next thing I know she done called a bus

47:57And she hit it this way

47:59And i'm like i'm wonder why now

48:03I knew why

48:05You know what i'm i'm not with you tonight

48:13All right

48:18Please let the folks know what's going on

48:20So you know secret keeping secrets

48:23Is not good just tell them okay all you got to do is say look I have some credit cards

48:30and this is what's going on

48:33And he might he might say okay, let me help you out

48:38That's all you know, because then now she's being honest

48:43And he can trust her

48:47Right

48:49But you know this is people you never know what people gonna do so

48:53Yeah, stay guarded guarded people you listen

48:57Don't put all your trust in man because man will let you down one way or the other might be

49:01today might be tomorrow

49:02Might be next week might be next month who knows but at the end of the day, yes

49:06Man has always been a disappointment. Yeah, so

49:09And I knew I said this is gonna mess with aaron when I tell him about this

49:14You know i'm keeping secrets

49:19No, and any type any type of partnership relationship anything no good with keeping secrets just absolutely not be honest

49:27Be very transparent and keep it real and only person that you lying to is lying to yourself

49:32And what's done in darkness will truly come to light one day exactly

49:37So we are up against the clock so go ahead and let people know what we got going on so

49:42we can head on up out of here and pay our bills

49:44This is a quiet week this week always the first week of any of every month is quiet for me

49:50I mean, I had a reading last saturday

49:53But i'm in sunday

49:55Which is the first because it was the first you know of the month, but normally

50:00This is a quiet week

50:03So but my books are on amazon still

50:08Uh amazon.com slash author slash birdman 313

50:12My videos is on youtube dot com slash

50:18Poet birdman 31355 that's all one word. Um, I have uh videos on spotify on the coffee wine and words

50:29platform

50:31I'm on instagram. I've been i've been I have been posting

50:36Poems on instagram and i've been posted videos

50:42So you can go there and it's birdman 31355 on instagram

50:49Ah, you know, that's where you can find me and i'm i'm hoping

50:54To pick up a few more other social media platforms. I just ain't i haven't did it yet

51:00But I got in mind of a couple of new ones that i'm gonna pick up

51:05I've been checking out this one called stack

51:09Okay, you know, um i'm on there, but i'm thinking about um

51:17Substack that's what it is substack i'm thinking about starting to put videos on there

51:23and

51:24People be able to go there

51:26I'm trying to i'm trying to find places where people can go to

51:30um, see my videos

51:33You know instead of just one place they can you know, they can go or like even with twitch, you

51:41know, I have i've had an account with twitch for like

51:44uh

51:44Five years five six years and I still haven't posted anything on there

51:51I need to start doing that

51:54Mm-hmm

51:58Yeah, we can have a whole conversation about twitch on the next show

52:06I got on there for a comedian friend of mine

52:09And he used to come on he used to come on there and um, that's why I joined it then

52:15and

52:16You know, I've never really done anything. It's just that whenever he's on there

52:21I'll go to twitch and and watch him perform

52:25Right, right

52:28Sounds good sounds good. Yeah

52:33All right. Well, we are up against the clock so I appreciate you for joining us as well. This was

52:40definitely a great show

52:41I knew it was gonna be so

52:43I can't wait to listen to the replay see how everything lined up. I know we had some tech technical

52:49difficulties

52:50So just you know, see how everything lines up and he was going in and out

52:58But then it just it seemed like it smoothed up, you know smoothed out

53:04Yeah

53:06All right, so I will catch you on a rebound. I will see you on sunday if you join in

53:12the uh

53:13Financial wellness strategy group. Oh, okay. Okay. Well i'm on that. I'll be on that

53:20Yeah

53:21So we'll see you on sunday and uh, okay on that note take care. Have a good night. I appreciate

53:27you that's on instagram, right?

53:30Yes, okay. Yeah, I got you. Okay

53:35All right, i'll talk to you soon

53:38All right, have a good evening you too. Take care now

53:43All right ladies and gentlemen there you have it that was author poet birdman three one three

53:49And for any information

53:52You can head on over to laryngaines.com sign up for that free 15 minute consultation

53:58And check us out

54:00Let me know what you think drop it in the comments you can text me at 609-200-1098

54:05That's the official hotline and on that note. I will see you when I see you

54:11Take care y'all have a good night

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The Price of Avoiding Hard Conversations | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 15)

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