- 2 days ago
What are the WORST monster movies ever made? We've so far seen some offensively abhorrent garbage, ranging from the unwatchable Ape Vs Monster, to the surprisingly fun Sharktopus. But what is next in our search for the worst?
Well today we have Poseidon Rex, Hydra, and even a Godzilla 1998 ripoff, Reptilian, also known as Yonggary. But which is the worst? Where do we rank them? And are there any secret gems hidden among them? Lets find out in todays Wheel of Monstrosity!
0:00 POSEIDON REX
11:43 GODZILLA 1998 RIPOFF
24:12 ODYSSEY RIPOFF?
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Intro/Outro Theme:
Inspired by "Art of Cool" by Jeff Kaale
Artist: Breno Mechado
Artists YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwtqWJcMi6ePkw4iBLRRJDw
Well today we have Poseidon Rex, Hydra, and even a Godzilla 1998 ripoff, Reptilian, also known as Yonggary. But which is the worst? Where do we rank them? And are there any secret gems hidden among them? Lets find out in todays Wheel of Monstrosity!
0:00 POSEIDON REX
11:43 GODZILLA 1998 RIPOFF
24:12 ODYSSEY RIPOFF?
SUPPORT THE CHANNEL
DangerVille Store - https://dangerville-shop.fourthwall.com/
Become a SUPER RESIDENT to get access to exclusive perks:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFhdMuy1pMqA9iVXZB7MunA/join
ARTISTS - If you see your work featured in a video, please EMAIL US (dangerville@outlook.com) with details so we can accurately credit you. Thank you.
For more videos on GODZILLA, KONG, GAMERA, JURASSIC WORLD & DINOSAURS, subscribe to us at DangerVille and become a Resident TODAY!
DangerVille Twitter - https://twitter.com/DangervilleTeam
DangerVille Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/dangervilleyoutube/
https://www.instagram.com/dangervilleyoutube/?hl=en
Alastair's Twitter - https://twitter.com/Alastair_Neill
Intro/Outro Theme:
Inspired by "Art of Cool" by Jeff Kaale
Artist: Breno Mechado
Artists YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwtqWJcMi6ePkw4iBLRRJDw
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00What are the worst monster movies ever made?
00:04The ones that make you want to run away from your screen,
00:06into an airport, onto a plane, and fly directly into the world trade side.
00:10We've so far seen some offensively abhorrent garbage,
00:13ranging from the unwatchable Ape vs. Monster to the surprisingly fun Sharktopus.
00:19But what is next in our search for the worst?
00:22You know how this works by now, we spin the wheel of monstrosity and watch whatever it picks.
00:26Spin the wheel, you handsome bastard!
00:30Today we have Poseidon Rex, Hydra, and even a Godzilla 1998 rip-off, Reptilian.
00:38Also known as Yungary.
00:39If I don't survive this, tell Jacob to delete my browser history.
00:44Poseidon Rex is up first, released in 2013 by Titan Global Entertainment.
00:50Directed by Mark L. Lester, who's also directed...
00:53Hang on.
00:55As in the director of Commando?
00:57This, this must be good. There's no possible way this could be terrible.
01:00Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:06The film wastes no time getting started when we're introduced to this gang,
01:10and considering they're armed to the teeth, I reckon whatever they're doing is completely legal.
01:14They're visiting something called the Great Hole in search for lost Mayan gold.
01:18Wait till you see my Great Hole.
01:19Three of them dive into the water, and somehow they're all talking to each other completely fine,
01:25even though they've got scuba gear in their mouth.
01:27These are going off to the left.
01:28Let's go.
01:29They should sound like...
01:32This one diver, Jax, played by Brian Krause,
01:35sets up an explosive charge, and just blows it up,
01:38trying to find the gold at the bottom of the trench,
01:41where the shockwave knocks him unconscious.
01:43Then, immediately, this T-Rex thing just emerges from the hole.
01:47And I'd just like to imagine that someone was watching this without knowing what the title was,
01:50and was just so confused at this point.
01:52The Rex gobbles the crew up, before heading straight for the guy on the boat,
01:56who just doesn't even look that bothered by what's going on.
01:59The director saw the lack of fear and just went,
02:01Yep, perfect, brilliant.
02:02But of course, he's obliterated by the Poseidon Rex.
02:06We then cut to beach babes!
02:08Hell yeah!
02:09And a dog!
02:09That's even better!
02:10Who's a good boy?
02:12Yes, he's a good boy!
02:13This whole opening just has this absolute banger playing throughout it.
02:24Then we see the most horrifying thing of all...
02:28Frat boys!
02:29Out of this boat come two of our leads, Rod and Jane,
02:33played by Stephen Helmkamp and Candice Nunes,
02:36who are vacationing together to this small island off the coast of Belize.
02:39Then we're introduced to another lead, because why not?
02:42This is Sarah, played by Anne McDaniels,
02:45who's meeting up with Henry, a tour guide who takes holiday goers to the Blue Hole.
02:50And he is just a joyous individual.
02:52Just look at how whimsical this guy is.
02:54Today is going to be a beautiful day.
02:57Good!
02:58See you then!
02:59I love you, Henry.
03:01Then the holiday goers from earlier meet up with Henry to go snorkeling in the hole,
03:04which is usually something I wait until at least the second date for,
03:08but they come across Jax's unconscious body,
03:10and bring him on board where they resuscitate him.
03:13He reveals that he was there to recover some ancient gold,
03:15and everyone's just like,
03:17I like money!
03:18So they just join him.
03:19In the meantime,
03:20this gang are making cakes or something,
03:22because just look at all that flour.
03:24They think that Jax has double-crossed them,
03:26and is trying to keep all the gold for himself.
03:28So they set out to go and get him.
03:30Let's go!
03:30Jane decides she doesn't want to go because her T-Rex senses are tingling,
03:35but then Rod decides that money is more important and leaves her at the dock.
03:38Which, you know what that means.
03:40No Pinani for a week!
03:41This dude is just begging to be eaten.
03:44This gang is about to fire at them,
03:45but the P-Rex comes along and attacks the boat.
03:48They just aimlessly shoot,
03:50and then are completely smushed.
03:51So, that was fun?
03:53Glad we spent time introducing these guys.
03:56The leads come across the remnants of the wreck,
03:58but then the Coast Guard come along to ruin the party.
04:00They even have an arm to show them.
04:03But obviously they hear there's millions of dollars at the bottom of the hole,
04:07so they're just like,
04:08alright, I'm in.
04:09Then cut back to Jane,
04:10where two hunky guys approach her and ask if she wants to join them at their party mode.
04:14So she does what any good girlfriend would do,
04:16and goes off to join them.
04:18Are we meant to be rooting for these people?
04:19They're literally all awful.
04:21The leads get suited up to go back to the blue hole,
04:23where they spot dinosaur footprints,
04:26and even loads of eggs.
04:27This thing has more kids than a council estate crackhead.
04:30God, I miss you, Stacy.
04:31Let me see the kids.
04:32But then a mangled body floats up out of nowhere,
04:35so Sarah starts panicking,
04:37but then Jax uses the force to calm her down.
04:39They get out of the water in one piece,
04:41where Jax and Sarah go off to the lab to figure out what exactly this egg is.
04:45Inside, they, of course, find a dinosaur baby.
04:49Technically, crocodiles are dinosaurs.
04:50No.
04:51Birds too.
04:52Yep.
04:52They're in gloves.
04:53You've seen the water, right?
04:56They get suited up to open the papier-mâché egg,
04:58and they pull the baby out,
05:00where it just starts freaking out and tries to attack them.
05:03So they just lob it straight in the freezer.
05:05Jane is still off partying on this boat.
05:08Ho.
05:08But then the P-Rex senses her cheating ass,
05:11and shakes her off.
05:12And I think she can't swim,
05:13because she just immediately sinks.
05:15But this guy jumps straight after her,
05:17and is immediately gobbled.
05:18I think this guy's reaction in the back is genuine.
05:21Just, that is a look of actual terror.
05:23Rod watches the Rex wreck the ship,
05:24so they, of course, go out to the rescue.
05:26Nah.
05:27Nope.
05:27If I saw that in the water,
05:28I'd already be on my flight home.
05:30As this happens,
05:31the gang intercepts the lab,
05:33looking for the gold.
05:34Jax says it's in the freezer,
05:35because why wouldn't it be?
05:37And the guy opens it,
05:38and the Rex leaps out like a facehugger,
05:40and just goes straight for the neck.
05:41And the rest start shooting,
05:42but I'm pretty sure they shot this guy
05:44more than they shot the dinosaur.
05:46Jax locks the gang boss inside,
05:48where the baby Rex seemingly kills him.
05:50Just belt the thing.
05:51Come on, it's the size of a cat.
05:53Rod rescues Jane,
05:54and I swear she's smiling here.
05:57Unfortunately, she succumbs to her injuries,
05:59and dies to death.
06:01Damn, I guess he had 99 problems,
06:03and while a bitch was one,
06:05it's not anymore.
06:06They decide they need to go destroy the eggs
06:08to prevent any more of these things from hatching,
06:10and they finally name it Poseidon Rex,
06:13the king of the sea.
06:15But the Rex attacks the boat,
06:16but they remember that it's only an animal,
06:19and that they can actually shoot this thing
06:20with PNG-ass muzzle flashes.
06:22But then it kills Henry!
06:24It's out!
06:24No!
06:25Rip, King, you were too good for this world.
06:28They fire a harpoon at it,
06:29and everyone cheers,
06:30without realizing what a harpoon actually does.
06:33And the boat obviously starts being dragged,
06:36but Jax cuts the rope just before
06:38they're about to get pulled under.
06:39Then they go back to the shore to warn everyone,
06:41and put a stop to the deadly oceanic dinosaur.
06:44We'll bring enough firepower to send it back to the ice age.
06:46My guy, that is the Cretaceous period!
06:48The Cretaceous period, actually.
06:49Yeah, that.
06:50The Coast Guard pledged to bomb the shit out of the nest,
06:52and it would be extremely funny
06:54if they were immediately eaten by the Poseidon Rex.
06:57Oh shit, they're dead.
06:58Oh god!
06:59Sarah says,
07:00Don't worry, there's no way P-Rex is adapted for walking on land,
07:03so they don't have to worry about it eating the civilians.
07:05So anyway, the P-Rex almost immediately starts walking on land,
07:08and starts eating the civilians.
07:10They decide they need to run to this military base
07:12on the other side of town,
07:14so Jax distracts the Rex so the others can run.
07:16I think someone doesn't know there's a dinosaur loose in the island,
07:18because what is this guy doing in the background?
07:20Run!
07:21Fuck it!
07:22Jesus Christ!
07:22They steal this dead guy's jeep and are about to leave with Jax,
07:26but then the gang boss returns after surviving the baby Rex attack.
07:30But before he's about to shoot him,
07:31to kill him to death,
07:33Mummy Rex comes back and deep throats the gang leader.
07:36I think that's how you use that word.
07:38Today is just not his day.
07:39They stop off at the gang HQ to raid it
07:42for a bunch of weapons so they can finally put a stop to this thing.
07:45And then they just take a nice little drive,
07:47and everything's chill, and
07:48Ow! Oh my god!
07:49The Rex starts chasing them, and they just go ham.
07:52But the jeep overheats for some reason,
07:54so they go on foot where it just fully becomes Jurassic Park.
07:57But the P-Rex follows suit,
07:59so they hide in the trees and only just manage to avoid it.
08:02They then walk to an old military base,
08:04which just so happens to be British!
08:08Where it now just becomes straight up Jurassic World Rebirth.
08:12This just looks like that whole climax,
08:13but this predates that film by a good 12 years.
08:16So did Rebirth copy Poseidon Rex?
08:20Yes.
08:20Yes it did.
08:22They quickly turn on power,
08:23and try and contact any local bases for help.
08:25But then Jax and Sarah start kissing?
08:28Eww!
08:29Cooties!
08:30What's next?
08:31Holding hands?
08:32Then they go to bed together.
08:33For what purpose?
08:34Your guess is as good as mine.
08:36I don't know what grown-ups do.
08:41Poseidon Rex!
08:42They have about as much chemistry as a priest and an altar boy after the lawsuits.
08:47What's going on?
08:48This is just horrific.
08:49The local U.S. Army base...
08:51Wait, I forgot what I just said.
08:53The local U.S. Army base gets their radio signal,
08:56and they spot the P-Rex causing absolute mayhem on the island.
08:59I've heard enough.
09:00Send 10 billion dollars to Israel.
09:02Knowing them, they'll just bomb the shit out of the island.
09:05I hope you told them they got less than 20 minutes to get out of that area.
09:08Before I glass the whole damn thing.
09:10Oh, it turns out that's exactly what they're doing.
09:12They give the lead only 20 minutes to get off the island.
09:15I hope there's one perfectly intact passenger plane in the hangover some reason.
09:19Oh, will you look at that?
09:20And they fuel up so Jax can do something with it?
09:23I think he wants to lure the P-Rex away from them or whatever.
09:27I don't know.
09:27We're near the end.
09:27Leave me alone.
09:28Sarah and Rod make it to a boat while Jax takes off just as the Rex returns.
09:32Of course, they forgot the Rex could swim.
09:35Clearly, they forgot the film is called Poseidon Rex.
09:37Also, somehow it can just run on water.
09:40So it must be a Tyranno Jesus Rex?
09:44I'd have read the Bible if that was in it, to be fair.
09:46Rod fires a rocket at the Rex and knocks himself off the boat like a complete swat.
09:50Where he's instantly eaten.
09:52Rip, Rod, you were actually completely useless.
09:54And you have a silly name.
09:56The Air Force, with a clear shot in sight, start firing in just this epic fight scene.
10:00Just look at this.
10:01This is peak cinema right here.
10:03They then fire directly at the Rex with its missiles.
10:06Where it...
10:06Dies?
10:08Until it doesn't.
10:09Were you killed?
10:10Sadly, yes.
10:12But I lived.
10:13However, Sarah comes to the rescue and fires a rocket at its head.
10:16And it blows its head up.
10:18Which seemed shockingly easy.
10:20I don't know why the military wanted to just glass the whole island.
10:24Seriously, they were gonna nuke it for this thing.
10:26I get that same feeling when I'm in France, to be fair.
10:32I'm just kidding, by the way.
10:33I love you French people.
10:34Jax reunites with Sarah.
10:36But then she says,
10:37Hey, remember that part of the plot where we found dozens of eggs down there?
10:40What should we do about that?
10:42But then they just kind of shrug it off and go off into the sunset.
10:45Then we see a baby Rex hatching out the egg and swimming before it eats the cameraman.
10:50R.I.P. cameraman, what a shot to go out on.
10:53I guess this is meant to set up a sequel, which just never happened.
10:56It was meant to have a battle with Sharktopus, which obviously wasn't made.
11:00So let's just assume those eggs hatched and killed everyone.
11:05So that was Poseidon Rex.
11:07The film wasn't bad by any means, but it's not all that interesting either.
11:12It's nowhere near ape versus monster levels of unwatchable,
11:15but it never reaches the highs of Sharktopus either.
11:17It's not bad enough to be funny, not good enough to be engaging.
11:21It's just fine.
11:23It had a $1.5 million budget,
11:25and I suppose it's impressive that they managed to have these big Caribbean spaces,
11:30even if random people were sometimes in the background.
11:33Should I just start ranking them?
11:34Yeah, go on, I'll start ranking them.
11:36I'm just going to put this in C-tier.
11:38Now onto something I've been dreading for quite some time.
11:45Reptilian.
11:46Reptilian, also known as Yongeri,
11:48is supposed to be a remake of the 1967 film Yongeri Monster from the Deep.
11:53But really, it has very little in common with it.
11:56Directed by Shim Hyung-rae,
11:58probably butchered that name,
12:00it was released in 1999,
12:01to of course capitalise on the release of Godzilla 1998.
12:06Hell, just look at that logo.
12:07That is just shameless.
12:09It got horrible reviews,
12:11mainly about how bad the acting and visual effects are,
12:14but surely it can't be that bad, right?
12:17Well, let's check it out.
12:19The film starts out with his crew exploring the brightest cave I've ever seen,
12:23where there's even some dinosaur skeletons down below,
12:26so whatever they're looking for must be pretty old.
12:29We are too close to turn back now!
12:32I'm in command here, now move it!
12:34I don't know why this guy is being such an arsehole.
12:38There!
12:39They find this glowing light illuminating inside a rock,
12:42so they just dig right in,
12:43and it immediately explodes,
12:45just annihilating everyone near the explosion.
12:47Apart from this arsehole guy who sees what was hidden beneath the rock,
12:51some ancient alien metal inscribed with an extraterrestrial language,
12:56that apparently leads to this great buried dinosaur.
13:00Then we get just like three minutes of opening credits.
13:09Do something!
13:10Cut to a dig site where this asshole guy from the opening of the film,
13:13who's actually called Dr. Campbell,
13:15played by Richard B. Livingston,
13:17is trying to uncover what they're just calling a dinosaur.
13:20Then we're introduced to this Time Magazine reporter,
13:23Bud, played by Brad Sergi,
13:25who arrives and starts taking pictures of the scene.
13:27They say this dinosaur was 50 times the size of a T-Rex.
13:31Nah, that is just a full-on kaiju.
13:34What are you talking about?
13:35And we see its skeleton,
13:36and to be fair,
13:37it is all practical,
13:39which is actually pretty impressive.
13:40Up in space,
13:41we see some aliens eviscerating a space shuttle and some satellites,
13:45which gets the attention of the United National Defense Agency,
13:48who begin investigating.
13:50Dr. Campbell's assistant,
13:51Holly Davis,
13:52played by Donna Philipson,
13:53is suddenly grabbed by this crazy homeless dude,
13:56who turns out to be Dr. Hughes,
13:58a discredited scientist,
13:59who just has beautiful eyes.
14:02He warns them not to disturb Young Gary,
14:04before they just yank him away.
14:06Meanwhile,
14:07the military is discussing how they're losing satellites and ships left Ryan's center.
14:10But as they're discussing this,
14:12these silly little alien puppets have a little chat about how the humans' primitive tech have detected them,
14:17and that they should invade now.
14:19So if human tech is powerless to stop them,
14:22why not just swoop in and laser them?
14:23I'm giving them a cinema sin for that.
14:26Suddenly,
14:26the aliens start resurrecting the dormant Kaiju,
14:28and the skeleton starts to regrow,
14:31impaling this guy with a tooth,
14:32and no one is slightly suspicious.
14:35Is this kind of stuff just normal on build sites?
14:39Yes.
14:40Meanwhile,
14:41Holly has left the team because Campbell is an asshole,
14:43where she's followed by Dr. Hughes to this motel.
14:46He intercepts her at this bar,
14:48and tells Holly about a legend he once heard from a shaman,
14:51warning that a giant monster called Young Gary would one day return.
14:54And explains carbon dating,
14:56estimates it to be 250 million years old.
15:00And he says Young Gary is non-animal,
15:02which I guess means it came from space.
15:04Seems good enough to me,
15:06and she runs off with him to help her stop the dig.
15:08Dr. Hughes and Holly arrive to stop them,
15:10but it's too late.
15:12They claim they've finished uncovering the bones,
15:14but when we see it,
15:15they just straight up haven't.
15:17Like,
15:17half of that is definitely still covered.
15:19But the aliens fire their laser,
15:21and we get some pretty impressive pyrotechnics,
15:24to be fair.
15:26Just look at all this.
15:32I love the smell of red pump in the morning.
15:34Young Gary starts to grow back,
15:36and we get to see it in all its CGI glory.
15:38Wow,
15:39look at how amazing this looks.
15:41It's just so real.
15:42This had a budget of nearly 30 million dollars,
15:45in today's money by the way,
15:46over twice as much as minus one.
15:49No!
15:50It isn't real!
15:52Just amazing performances all around.
15:54The prophecy has been fulfilled!
15:56For some reason,
15:57Campbell thinks he can talk to Young Gary,
15:59and thinks he's his creation,
16:01and that he made him,
16:02when no,
16:03he didn't,
16:04and of course he's smushed,
16:05before Young Gary is teleported away by the aliens.
16:08To be fair,
16:09we're a f***ing cat f***ing,
16:12f***ing bollocking,
16:13f***ing sh** licking,
16:14f***ing c***,
16:17f***ing c***.
16:18Can I say that?
16:20The military are sent out to investigate the disturbance,
16:22and secure the area,
16:23where Holly and Dr. Hughes try telling the army guy about Young Gary,
16:27and he's like,
16:27you're crazy!
16:28Until he sees this massive dinosaur footprint,
16:31filled with bodies,
16:32and he's like,
16:32okay,
16:33maybe you aren't crazy.
16:34Then this guy says,
16:35boom boom,
16:35for some reason.
16:37Boom boom.
16:37Is that his name?
16:38Why did he say that?
16:40Then Young Gary materialises in front of Holly's jeep,
16:42and then takes a closer look at the car.
16:44But for some reason,
16:45this guy rolls out of the vehicle,
16:47instead of just driving away.
16:49Holly bizarrely thinks it's amazing,
16:51even though it just twatted a bunch of people,
16:53and almost killed her.
16:54Does she have amnesia?
16:56Are you alright Holly?
16:57The air force arrives,
16:58and flies straight towards Young Gary,
16:59and our leads take the opportunity to escape,
17:01as he's distracted.
17:03Then they open fire,
17:04and start engaging in battle with the towering kaiju.
17:06But he shoots a great looking fireball at them,
17:09and swipes them out of the sky one by one.
17:11I like that he's clearly just slightly annoyed by the attack more than anything.
17:15Then it tries to bite this helicopter,
17:17which I swear is just ripped off from Godzilla 1998.
17:21God, this just isn't good,
17:23but at least stuff is happening now.
17:25Then the aliens dematerialise Young Gary,
17:27so I'm not sure what they even achieved by all this.
17:30Then we follow Stanley Mills,
17:32a member of the NSIA space agency,
17:34who explains about how this alien civilisation visited Earth 200 million years ago,
17:40and that vital information in defeating the aliens was stolen.
17:43However, the aliens materialise Young Gary once again,
17:46this time in Los Angeles,
17:48and immediately announces himself by casually destroying a bridge,
17:51because apparently traffic was his greatest enemy.
17:54With Young Gary tearing through LA,
17:56the military is called in to stop the monster.
17:58Unfortunately,
17:59their big plan seems to be sending in a bunch of soldiers with shotguns,
18:03which goes about as well as you'd expect.
18:08And even though the CGI is terrible,
18:10there's at least some pretty awesome practical work going on here.
18:13Like, this looks genuinely great.
18:15I have no idea why they didn't do this more.
18:18These kids spot the kaiju and are just unfazed,
18:20and Young Gary even tries to kill them,
18:23which the kids for some reason just seem ecstatic about.
18:26Just look at them, they're well happy.
18:28The Air Force just keeps accidentally destroying buildings.
18:30They're doing more damage than Young Gary is.
18:33So the President, of course, wants to drop a nuclear bomb on the city?
18:37I mean, it wouldn't be the worst thing that Bill Clinton has done.
18:40They've only thrown a few jets and helicopters at him so far,
18:43so obviously the next logical step is a noob.
18:46Meanwhile, the Air Force are still blowing up buildings.
18:49Just stop already, please!
18:51Then Young Gary is teleported away by the aliens once again.
18:54Turns out Dr. Hughes has the information on how to stop the aliens.
18:58Daddy loves ET.
18:59Daddy loves ET is the password?
19:01I don't know what that's about either.
19:03And when they finish decoding the message,
19:05they discover the aliens are controlling Young Gary through the daemon.
19:08Daemon!
19:10Oh!
19:11Fight around the night, man!
19:13Not that daemon.
19:14Da-da-daemon.
19:15A diamond-like device embedded in his forehead.
19:18They catch wind of where Young Gary is going to appear next,
19:20so they send out these jetpack rangers with lasers to engage it.
19:24They're meant to be this elite squad,
19:26but this one guy is like,
19:27I don't want to do it!
19:28Which is like, fair enough.
19:30Have you seen what they're going up against?
19:31With the hieroglyphs decoded,
19:33they learn Young Gary was sent by the aliens to destroy the planet.
19:36Like, obviously,
19:38and that another great light will be sent to do battle.
19:41How do the aliens know this?
19:43I-I-I don't know.
19:44We get this epic halo dive thing,
19:47where these jetpack soldiers are just zipping around the place.
19:49This guy even disappears for a millisecond.
19:51How did he do that?
19:53Compared to this guy,
19:54Godzilla is a pussy.
19:57This whole fight is just ridiculous.
20:00They're told to aim for the diamond on the forehead,
20:02which does seem to work a little,
20:04so the aliens get nervous and quickly dematerialize Young Gary.
20:07Again, stop with the teleporting, please.
20:09I-I-I put this all the f***ing time.
20:11I'm gonna get sick of it.
20:12Oh!
20:14It's a catch, lad.
20:16The president gives the team five hours to stop Young Gary
20:19before launching a nuclear strike.
20:21But turns out Mills wants Young Gary destroyed
20:23because he believes it will force the aliens to reveal themselves,
20:27giving him the chance to capture and study them,
20:29for his own weird, unknown, silly pleasure.
20:31Young Gary is suddenly back in the city,
20:33and the jetpack rangers open fire once again.
20:35I'd like you to meet my little friend!
20:37This guy is just full of quips.
20:39Barbecue this, b***o!
20:41Ha ha ha!
20:42Millions of people are dying!
20:43The aliens dematerialize Young Gary again.
20:46Seriously, I'm getting sick of this happening.
20:48But this dude just straight up kamikazes into his forehead,
20:51and something feels different now.
20:54Young Gary's not fighting back like he lobotomized it.
20:57Something similar happened when I stuck my thumb
20:59inside this newborn baby's forehead.
21:01It was really weird.
21:03Also, there's this random shot of Young Gary's tail that's practical.
21:06That's just a full-on Godzilla-styled suit.
21:09Why didn't they use that more?
21:11The Air Force arrive again to engage,
21:13and my god, they're still doing more damage than Young Gary is.
21:16Jesus, stop it, please!
21:17A skyscraper starts to collapse,
21:20but Young Gary stops the building from falling,
21:22saving the people below.
21:23So I guess Young Gary is good now,
21:26the aliens have lost control,
21:27but they have a fallback plan,
21:29and they beam down another monster.
21:31I don't know why they couldn't use that first,
21:33but whatever.
21:34We get a massive explosion that's somehow
21:36better than the one we got in Oppenheimer.
21:38If there's one thing this film gets right,
21:40it's the pyrotechnics.
21:41Everyone is dead, by the way.
21:43There's absolutely no way anyone survived this.
21:46Oh, come on!
21:46How did they survive that?
21:48How is anyone alive?
21:49This movie is so stupid.
21:51I hate it!
21:51I hate it!
21:52Out of the ground comes this new,
21:54multi-armed, crab-looking monster
21:55that looks more like a projected Muppet.
21:58But hey, at least we're getting a monster fight,
22:00something 1998 didn't even give us.
22:02But is it any good?
22:04No.
22:04No, it's not!
22:06If that thing were any meaner,
22:07I'd swear it was my wife.
22:08I hate my wife!
22:09Isn't that funny?
22:10My bitch wife!
22:11I hate her!
22:12I hate that fucking bitch!
22:13For some reason,
22:14this whole fight reminds me of that
22:15Power Rangers ooze movie
22:16with how bad the visual effects are.
22:18Does anyone else here remember that?
22:19That was like my childhood.
22:20Sycor, as it's called,
22:22fires its ass laser at Yungary,
22:24and just as we think he's done for,
22:26this army guy shoots at the new monster
22:28to distract it.
22:29And he almost gets him,
22:30though just in the nick of time,
22:31Yungary swoops in to save the day,
22:33where he just shoots his arm clean off.
22:35But then,
22:36several whip-like tentacles
22:37burst out of the severed limb
22:39and wrap themselves around Yungary,
22:41who is apparently a bit of a rubbish fighter.
22:44Sycor starts electrocuting him,
22:46leaving him completely immobilized.
22:48The two engage energy blasts
22:49before Yungary blows its head off,
22:52which I guess is enough to kill it.
22:54Why are you people still here?
22:55Get out of here!
22:56But wait,
22:57it's still alive!
22:58Even more tentacles whip out of its neck,
23:00where they completely miss,
23:01and Yungary bites straight through them.
23:03Then it shoots a fire blast
23:04right down Sycor's gaping neck hole,
23:07causing the whole thing to explode.
23:09Sycor has finally been defeated.
23:12Back in the base,
23:13they manage to contact the bomber
23:14and abort the nuke,
23:15with literally no seconds to spare,
23:17and the aliens escape
23:18before Yungary discovers his true strength
23:20and wipes them clean out of the sky.
23:22Yungary is just like,
23:23what the f**k is going on,
23:26as they airlift him away
23:27to his own monster island,
23:29where he can safely live in peace.
23:31Oh, isn't that nice?
23:33Isn't that lovely?
23:34I am going to kill myself.
23:36What a boring film.
23:37The human scenes consist of nothing,
23:39just explaining stuff we already know.
23:41They provide zero context
23:42to anything interesting.
23:44What even happened to that reporter guy?
23:46Did he die?
23:47He literally just disappeared
23:48after that first act
23:48and we just never saw him again.
23:50There's some good practical effects here
23:52that are ruined by horrid CGI.
23:54They even had a suit
23:55which just looks so much better
23:56and would have been
23:57much more charming to watch.
23:59Just a boring film overall.
24:01Watch if you're curious,
24:02but if you've seen my video,
24:04you've seen all the interesting bits.
24:06D-tier movie.
24:07Now onto something
24:08that's hopefully more entertaining.
24:12Next up is Hydra,
24:14which is convenient
24:15since the Odyssey
24:15just came out
24:16with its own version of a Hydra.
24:18But could this be better
24:19than the Odyssey?
24:22Not a chance,
24:23but you know,
24:23maybe it's a fun watch.
24:25This monstrosity
24:26comes from Andrew Prentergast.
24:28Fantastic name by the way,
24:29sounds like a ghost.
24:30The film was released in 2009
24:32to the Sci-Fi channel,
24:33so you know we're in
24:34for some grade A slop
24:35with this one.
24:36It starts off with people
24:37exploring a cave,
24:38again,
24:39where Dr. Valerie,
24:40a young archaeologist,
24:42is looking for some ancient relics.
24:44But then this guy
24:44trips up on something
24:45and it's the Hydra already.
24:47They didn't even want
24:48to waste any time
24:49with this one.
24:50And it chases him
24:50through the island
24:51before it noms on his foot
24:53and bites them straight off.
24:55Oh yeah,
24:55you think that's painful?
24:56I stubbed my toe
24:57on the bed this morning.
24:59That's painful.
25:00They just aren't afraid
25:01of showing this thing,
25:02are they?
25:02It eats this other guy
25:03and then slithers into the cave
25:05where Valerie is hiding.
25:06And just as it seems
25:08like it's about to get her,
25:09the earthquake distracts it
25:10and she takes the opportunity
25:11to run.
25:12As she tries to escape,
25:14the storm sinks her ship,
25:15so I guess she's stuck there.
25:19We cut to this boat
25:20where we see some people
25:21enjoying a game of cards
25:22and then,
25:23hello!
25:24Hello!
25:24Hey, that's my thing.
25:25She's the wife of Vincent,
25:27the billionaire
25:27that's funding this expedition.
25:29And I'm not sure
25:30why she even needs
25:31to be here,
25:32apart from obviously
25:33being eye candy
25:33for the audience.
25:34They soon arrive
25:35at the island,
25:36which I hope
25:36there's no Hydras at.
25:37Two of the men
25:38take a boat
25:39and survey the island,
25:40I guess to make sure
25:41it's safe for whatever
25:42they have planned.
25:43They very quickly
25:44spot the Hydra
25:45and it gobbles
25:45one of the guys up
25:46but he shoots a head off
25:48but as Hydras
25:49are known to do,
25:50it regrows multiple heads
25:51before absolutely
25:52massacring it.
25:54God, this is brutal.
25:56I might have to
25:57actually censor this one.
25:58Back on the ship,
25:59they prepare these
26:00abducted people
26:00who consist of
26:02ex-convicts
26:02who have seemingly
26:03wronged these millionaires
26:05in some way
26:05so they want to
26:06set them loose
26:07on the island
26:07so they can hunt
26:08them for sports.
26:09Though Vincent
26:10doesn't recognize
26:11this one guy,
26:11Tim Nolan
26:12played by George Stultz.
26:14I don't know,
26:15I think this captain
26:16might be up to mischief.
26:17Back on the island,
26:18the other two
26:19are still chilling
26:20on the beach
26:20enjoying the sun
26:21but find their dinghy
26:22was completely destroyed
26:24leaving them bewildered
26:25but then the Hydra
26:26returns
26:27and it comes straight
26:28for them
26:29so they open fire.
26:30My god,
26:31this thing is so real,
26:32it's terrifying!
26:33It tears that first guy
26:35to shreds
26:35and this guy
26:36does a sick flick
26:37before it munches
26:38Timu Javier Bardem.
26:39Meanwhile,
26:40the team are trying
26:41to craft some traps
26:42and plan a method
26:43to outsmart the hunters.
26:44Gwen,
26:45played by Dawn Olivieri,
26:47realizes Tim knows
26:48the captain
26:48but doesn't ask
26:49any follow-up questions.
26:51Great detective work,
26:52brilliant.
26:53Next morning,
26:53the hunters arrive
26:54kitted out with more weapons
26:55than in American high school
26:56before one of the hunters
26:58finds a trap
26:58and plucks it
26:59when a log swings
27:00and almost hits him.
27:02He backs off
27:02and then gets impaled
27:03by a spike?
27:04This is just some
27:05Looney Tunes shit right here.
27:06The team hears something
27:08in the forest
27:08so they rush to investigate
27:09but the hunter
27:10Charlie Kirk's
27:11one of the convicts.
27:12But then Valerie
27:13from the opening
27:14just hops out
27:14and everyone's just like
27:15who the hell is that?
27:16But then of course,
27:17drawn by the noise,
27:18the Hydra pops out
27:19and just mashes the hunter.
27:21Turns out Tim,
27:22who's kind of become
27:23the leader of the survivors,
27:24is an ex-US commando,
27:26one with lethal expertise,
27:28who wants to bring the fight
27:29back to the captors.
27:31And Vincent is
27:32understandably frustrated.
27:33I'd be worried too
27:34if I found out
27:35they basically plopped
27:36the Predator into this game.
27:37The captain holds
27:38a grudge against him
27:39for reasons that
27:40aren't yet clear.
27:41The hunters come across
27:42this guy's body
27:43and they almost chicken out
27:44because, yeah, valid.
27:46Who wouldn't?
27:46I mean, look at that.
27:47People don't seem
27:48to be asking questions
27:49of what this monster even is.
27:50Everyone just seems
27:51weirdly calm about it.
27:53Up in the trees,
27:54the hunter is about
27:54to shoot Gwen
27:55but then Tim punches him
27:57and just rolls
27:58straight into the Hydra
27:59who tears him in half.
28:01Jesus.
28:01Tim grabs the hunter's
28:02walkie-talkie
28:03and communicates
28:04with the captain
28:05where it's revealed
28:06he was Tim's
28:06commanding officer
28:07in Iraq
28:08and he fragged him
28:09and left him for dead
28:10because he wouldn't
28:11kill innocent civilians.
28:13But he made it back
28:14alive somehow
28:15and is out for revenge.
28:17Valerie,
28:17like an utter bitch,
28:18won't leave
28:19until she finds the temple.
28:20She says she'll help him
28:21if he kills the Hydra
28:23which is like,
28:24no, just leave.
28:25The captain takes
28:26one of the boats
28:27and makes it to the island
28:28and heads straight
28:28for the team.
28:30Valerie takes Tim
28:30to the cave
28:31where Hercules' sword is,
28:32which,
28:33according to the legend,
28:34has the power
28:35to cut off the Hydra's heads
28:36without them growing back.
28:38Meanwhile,
28:39the island keeps
28:39experiencing earthquakes
28:40where they theorize
28:42it could sink
28:42at any time.
28:43So time is running out.
28:45They come across
28:46some ruins
28:46with this little school
28:47project-looking volcano
28:49in the middle
28:49which is supposedly
28:50a test of faith
28:52but the captain finds him
28:53which was quick,
28:55I swear he just got there.
28:56He shoots Kaplan
28:57because he's racist
28:58but Valerie comes
28:59running through
29:00and the Hydra
29:00just slithers in
29:01and gobbles the captain.
29:03Well, that was easy.
29:05Rip Kaplan,
29:05I don't actually know
29:06who you are.
29:07Tim then puts his hand
29:08in the volcano hole
29:09and pulls out this sword.
29:11Thank God it actually
29:12was a test.
29:13Imagine just how embarrassed
29:14you'd be if it wasn't.
29:15Guys,
29:15I think this little volcano
29:17was a test.
29:18I'm going to pull out
29:18the sword.
29:23Guys,
29:24yeah,
29:24so I was completely wrong
29:25about this thing.
29:26I seem to have
29:27burnt my hand off.
29:28I am so embarrassed.
29:31You know what guys,
29:32don't do it.
29:33Don't even try it.
29:34But Valerie is unfortunately
29:35annihilated by the Hydra
29:36so he just starts slicing,
29:38cutting the heads off
29:39where they then
29:40just turn to ash.
29:41Just Tim and Gwen survive
29:42and they give each other
29:43a little smooch
29:44before heading back
29:45to the boat.
29:46But wait,
29:47the Hydra regrows its wounds
29:48with the horrors
29:49seemingly not over yet.
29:51Vincent looks at the
29:52disturbances happening
29:52on the island
29:53preparing to abandon them
29:55but is knocked out
29:56by Tim.
29:57But then the Hydra
29:57boards the boats
29:58and just a lot
29:59of nonsense happens.
30:00They all run around
30:01the ship like it's
30:02a Scooby-Doo episode.
30:03There's this whole subplot
30:04where Dixie is trying
30:05to steal money
30:05from Vincent
30:06but, well,
30:07that doesn't last long.
30:09Gwen even forgets
30:09the sword like an
30:10uttered swat
30:11but then she's taken
30:12by Vincent
30:12as she flees
30:13from the beast.
30:14With him holding
30:15her hostage,
30:16the monster comes
30:17from above
30:17and eats his head,
30:18like just straight up
30:19inhales him.
30:20Then the skipper,
30:21like the legend he is,
30:22found the sword
30:23and throws it at Tim
30:24before he shoots it
30:25in the face
30:26with a shotgun,
30:27which of course leads
30:27to it regrowing her head
30:29but Tim chops it off
30:30and just waves his arm
30:31around for a bit
30:32before cutting off
30:33the other.
30:34And the whole thing
30:35just dissolves
30:35and does whatever this is,
30:37taking the sword with it.
30:38The rest of them
30:39leave the island
30:40and, oh yeah,
30:41I forgot this guy
30:41was left there.
30:42The captain tied him up
30:43so he wouldn't take his boat
30:44so I guess he just dies.
30:46They then arrive at Sardinia
30:48with the millionaire's money
30:49and live happily ever after.
30:51What was up with all that stuff
30:52about the island sinking?
30:53That just never happened.
30:55The end.
30:56That was alright,
30:58I guess.
30:59It was simple
30:59and I guess they did the most
31:00with their budget,
31:01which is supposedly $700,000,
31:03which is actually one of the
31:04smaller budgets we've seen so far,
31:06with probably a whopping $10
31:07spent towards the VFX.
31:09The characters were silly,
31:10but they did their best
31:11considering the limited resources
31:13and time restraints.
31:14The film was short enough
31:15to tolerate.
31:15I've definitely seen worse,
31:17especially in this video.
31:19and it's a better Hydra design
31:20than whatever Nolan did.
31:22I'm exaggerating of course,
31:23but at least you see this thing
31:24for more than 30 seconds.
31:26Gonna put this again
31:27in seat here,
31:28mainly for that gore.
31:31So there you go.
31:32These are some of the
31:33worst monster movies
31:34I have ever seen.
31:37Poseidon Rex
31:38was incredibly mediocre,
31:40Reptilian was eye-gougingly boring,
31:42and Hydra was just nothing.
31:44All these films
31:45were just a massive waste of time
31:46and my life is worse off
31:48because of it.
31:49But what will be next
31:50from The Wheel of Monstrosity?
31:51Find out next time.
31:52What other films
31:53should we add to this list?
31:55Let us know in the
31:55comment section down below.
31:57Be sure to like and subscribe
31:58and stomp the notification button
32:00to become a resident
32:01of Dangerville today.
32:03I've been Yemea Alistair,
32:04and we'll see you residents
32:06in the next one.
32:08Live!
32:27Daddy loves E.T.
32:29We'll see you next time.
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