00:00Music
00:07Alright, I gotta tell you something really embarrassing.
00:10I got caught crying in the bathroom at work again.
00:15It's like every year I watch these commencement speeches
00:18and I feel so inspired and so fulfilled.
00:22I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies
00:25in knowing that life is not a checklist of acquisition or achievement.
00:30Be a doer, not a dreamer.
00:31Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.
00:36But then reality sets in and I'm in the third stall of the bathroom
00:40bawling my eyes out and praying nobody hears me.
00:44And that assumes I can even make it to the bathroom in time.
00:47Look, I would take advice from JK, Oprah and Shonda any day of the week.
00:53But why did nobody teach us how to mentally prepare for work?
00:57Where was the class on office politics and why didn't I take it?
01:01In order to get some perspective, I talked to White House Communications Director Jennifer Palmieri.
01:06I was the White House Communications Director for President Obama in his second term.
01:10And I was Hillary's Communications Director on the 2016 presidential campaign.
01:15I am very easily moved to tears.
01:18Like, very possible I may cry in this very interview.
01:20Just like, just when something is important to me, I'm gonna tear up.
01:24It's happened in the office.
01:25You know, it's happened at times in a meeting with Barack Obama.
01:28And so, it really frustrates me when I hear people say that to tear up at work is not professional.
01:32Tearing up, like, I have a full-blown mental breakdown every day at work.
01:36I don't know any women who it doesn't happen to.
01:38You'll hear things, well, you know, it's just not professional.
01:40It's like, I know what that word means.
01:41That word means it's not what men do.
01:43If you're moved to tears and then say, I care so much about this,
01:46it's actually moving me to tears.
01:48We spent centuries, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years,
01:52making politics and the workplace a good place for men.
01:57Yes, the modern workplace was literally designed for men.
02:00It was created after World War II,
02:02and it was designed in the male-oriented, hierarchical image of the military.
02:07And it hasn't changed very much since.
02:10For example, standard office thermostats are set to temperatures best suited for the resting metabolic rate of a 40-year
02:18-old man who weighs 154 pounds.
02:21I think that we have to bring our whole selves to the office.
02:26So, I feel like if we're bringing all of our emotions and our passions and not muting them, that's better.
02:32This idea that we should be our full selves at work literally flies in the face of everything I know
02:38to be true.
02:39Work is supposed to be the place where you go to suppress your true self just to get through the
02:43day.
02:44But Claire Shipman actually talks a lot about this,
02:47and she says that the qualities that women bring to the table at work, like passion,
02:52are actually really good and they shouldn't be suppressed.
02:55Generally speaking, women tend to be better at negotiating, more conciliatory.
03:02We're less hierarchical.
03:09Study after study shows the more women you have at the top of a company, the more money you make.
03:14Because we're bringing a different sort of management skill.
03:17It's not a Mad Men style confidence.
03:19We really can't risk giving up what makes us unique.
03:24It's not easy because we haven't learned it at an early age.
03:27Because from an early age, girls are just better at sitting still, being quiet,
03:32coloring within the lines, getting everything right.
03:34And they start to internalize that as the reason why they're valuable.
03:38So we create this perfectionism by middle school and high school.
03:41And if you are a perfectionist, what do you not want to do?
03:45Fail or take risks.
03:46They're just like excelling beyond belief academically.
03:51But they're not learning the skills they need in the real world.
03:55Because the rules change.
03:57It's all about promoting yourself, taking chances, speaking up.
04:02Okay, nobody tells us that.
04:04It's not easy because we haven't learned it at an early age.
04:07That's why entering the working world feels like such a bait and switch.
04:11So what would you say are the things that we have to teach young women today about being successful?
04:17I think young women really need to learn to take risks.
04:19They need to learn to get comfortable with failure and get through it.
04:24And also that perfectionism is a pitfall.
04:27They really have to jettison perfectionism.
04:30Because nobody's perfect and it will keep you from building confidence.
04:34Talking to Claire and Jennifer gave me a whole new perspective.
04:38I actually had a game plan.
04:40And then I found an intern crying in the bathroom stall.
04:44I had to pass these insights on to the next generation of working women.
04:50Okay, ladies.
04:51You are about to enter the workforce.
04:54Under your chairs is a working woman starter pack.
04:57And in it, you will find a wine glass big enough to hold a full bottle of wine.
05:03Because you are not going to want to get out of bed for refills after the day you've had.
05:07The second thing is a block of cheese.
05:10Because cheese isn't just for guests anymore.
05:12It's your dinner.
05:13And the third thing is a monthly planner.
05:16You don't need a weekly anymore.
05:17Because you have no plans.
05:20Alright, now for some real talk.
05:23Repeat after me.
05:24It's okay.
05:24It's okay to cry at work.
05:27It's okay to cry at work.
05:29Take risks.
05:30Take risks.
05:31It is okay to fail.
05:33Perfection is our pitfall.
05:35Say it again.
05:36It's okay to cry at work.
05:38You got this.
05:38I'm crying because I'm so passionate about this project.
05:42Perfection is our pitfall.
05:44Perfection is our pitfall.
05:45Yes, get it girls.
05:46I am so proud of you ladies.
05:49It's okay to cry at work.
05:50You have to take risks.
05:52It's okay to fail.
05:55Perfection is a pitfall.
05:56You got that last one.
05:57You got it.
05:58Okay.
05:58Perfection is a pitfall.
06:00You got it.
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