00:01So, let's say some gainfully employed person took your old violin teacher's New York uncle's best friend's request to have
00:08you in for a chat.
00:09I'm here for an interview.
00:11According to psychological studies, the first impression is the only thing an interviewer really needs to decide your fate.
00:17You might make an impression before you even say a word.
00:20Let's say you've got a name like, I don't know, Mitra Johari.
00:23I don't even know how you got an interview.
00:25Or maybe you've got a southern accent.
00:26Do you know sign language?
00:28Mitra, we're ready for you.
00:31You are a perfectly competent applicant, and the people across the table are perfectly competent recruiters.
00:38This does not mean the interaction will be fun, fair, or even virtual.
00:43Let me be clear.
00:44You will royally fuck up an interview.
00:48You will babble.
00:49Where did you go to school?
00:50Uh, where did I go? What is where?
00:55We get so caught up on what things mean.
00:58You will not know the answer.
01:00And what was it about our company that drew you in in the first place?
01:03What you guys, the printers looked so nice when I was walking in and that was cool.
01:08People skimp on that kind of stuff.
01:10And you'll be far too frank.
01:12Have you ever stolen office supplies?
01:14Does it count if it was a group effort?
01:16When was the last time you cried in a workplace bathroom?
01:19Thirty minutes from now.
01:21I see this gap on your resume.
01:23What were you doing this summer of 2010?
01:25That was when I was dog walking for my neighbor Keith and experimenting with benzos.
01:31I think we're done here.
01:33Sometime around the 12th interview, after you mistake a two-handed handshake for a hug,
01:37you'll become a well-oiled, charming interview machine.
01:45You will no longer be intimidated by 40-year-olds with master's degrees competing for the same entry-level jobs.
01:522008.
01:53What a year.
01:54You will find common connections.
01:57You're from Delaware?
01:59I'm from Delaware.
02:01You will ask thoughtful questions.
02:04So, would you say bell hooks aligns with Citibank's brand of feminist theory?
02:09And you will present them with an offer of cheap labor they cannot refuse.
02:14Just so you know, I don't need to get credit for any of my ideas.
02:18Boom!
02:19Checkmate!
02:20But even though you nail an interview, you still won't get the job.
02:27They've decided they're impressed by your writing samples and experience, but would like to move forward with another candidate.
02:33And they decided they just don't really like you and would like to let you know at the most inconvenient
02:38time.
02:40Happy birthday to you.
02:45Happy birthday to you.
02:49This is what you're going to want to do when you face rejection.
02:55Happy birthday to you.
02:55Happy birthday to you.
02:56You've just got to grit your teeth and get through it.
02:58And know that you've got a great scream cry session coming your way later.
03:04Into a stranger's stomach on the subway.
03:09The bathroom.
03:13In the bushes.
03:21One night after a particularly brutal rejection email, you go to the bar.
03:25You're a third wheel on your friend's date and you're wasted.
03:28You meet a stranger and you tell her all about your career struggles.
03:31She asks for your email and you give it to her because it's 3am and you don't think anything of
03:35it.
03:36That Monday, you'll wake up to an email from a big Hollywood producer that reads,
03:39Hello Mitra, I got your email from that person at the bar.
03:42I need you to find solid brass brads and bind every script in the office by 2pm.
03:47And that's how you get a job.
03:48I love you.
03:49I love you.
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