00:05It's a yeast infection.
00:06If you have a sexual history, it's probably an STD.
00:09The birth control has ruined your system.
00:11Maybe you're pregnant.
00:12What's that smell?
00:13HBV, hepatitis, chancre.
00:16If not, I would try soon.
00:17Ruined, I tell you.
00:19Advanced maternal age.
00:21HBV, herpes, genital warts.
00:24It's just unnatural.
00:25Seriously, what is that smell?
00:26HBV, gonorrhea, chlamydia.
00:28Did I say HBV?
00:30There are many strains.
00:31Scoot down and open your legs a little wider.
00:38It hurts.
00:40Feels like little bombs going off inside of me.
00:43I don't know how else to describe it.
00:44Let's take a look at your ovaries, shall we?
00:50What the hell is that?
00:53I'm pretty sure that's Sarah Palin.
00:55What?
00:56What do you mean it's Sarah Palin?
00:57With a gun.
00:58She's hunting your eggs.
01:01Ow!
01:02How the hell did Sarah Palin get inside of me?
01:04Ow!
01:05My eggs!
01:06Oh, she's a great shot.
01:08Hey.
01:09It's like Mike Pence.
01:11Who?
01:12The Vice President, Mike Pence.
01:15He's golfing in your cervix.
01:17That could be part of your discomfort.
01:19I hate golf.
01:21Well, a girl like you should be grateful.
01:24His golf cart is acting like an IUD.
01:27Which you're gonna need now that he's cut access to birth control and abortion.
01:31What?
01:31Since when?
01:32What is going on?
01:33You're not a lesbian, are you?
01:34No.
01:35Wait, why?
01:36Well, he's in there and he doesn't take kindly to same sex stuff.
01:40I am Jewish.
01:41Oh.
01:41I'm sorry.
01:42You're screwed.
01:44Ah, but I think I found the source of your pain.
01:48It's your uterus.
01:51What is it?
01:53Your uterus has been trumped.
01:56What does that mean?
01:57President Donald Trump has built a wall around your uterus.
02:03That's a beautiful wall.
02:06I'm sorry.
02:06Did you say a wall?
02:08Yes.
02:08No one builds walls better than our President.
02:11And he builds them very inexpensively.
02:13Sometimes he makes you pay.
02:14Yeah?
02:15Since he's been elected, I've seen a growing number of trumped uterine walls.
02:19Oh, but I never agreed to any of this.
02:21Unfortunately, you don't have any choice in the matter.
02:24You're going to experience cramping.
02:26Your pubic hair is going to look like a comb over.
02:28And your vagina is going to turn orange.
02:30Orange.
02:32Orange.
02:35Is there anything I can do?
02:36You could gain weight.
02:38That might make him leave.
02:39Our President doesn't like fat women.
02:41But other than that, it's incurable.
02:44Four years, maybe eight.
02:45Given the Supreme Court, it might be menopause before you see any relief.
02:49This is crazy.
02:50Me and my eggs and my cervix and my uterus, we have big plans.
02:56Big, big plans.
02:58I need them.
02:59My body is my body.
03:01And I don't need anybody inside or outside telling me what the hell I can do with it.
03:05You can submit your reproductive plans to the GOP.
03:09That is insane.
03:10Like it's the apocalypse and I need to eat my cats in order to survive insane.
03:14Listen, it's not that bad.
03:16The patient I saw before you had Chris Christie in her anus.
03:20Oh God.
03:21Causing all kinds of traffic jams up there.
03:23Nothing was getting through.
03:24This is a complete and total nightmare.
03:27Get out of my lady parts.
03:30All of you.
03:31Here.
03:33Have a lollipop.
03:36This is a man who has called women pigs, slobs, and dogs.
03:40And someone who has said pregnancy is an inconvenience to employers.
03:47Who has said women don't deserve equal pay unless they.
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