- 2 days ago
Meet the Browns-S1E3
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00:07Have you seen this kitchen?
00:08I think Uncle Brown's going to need to hire a maid.
00:11Why? He's got me and you.
00:15I think he bit off more than he can chew.
00:16They'll turn my granddad's house into a retirement home.
00:19Brown, hurry up! I'm out of uniform.
00:22Oh, shut up, Colonel. You don't need no pants. You're retired.
00:26And close your flap on your boxers.
00:28Women in the house.
00:30I don't mind.
00:33Nephew, I'm so tired. I ain't yet sleeping two days.
00:36Uh, Sasha, can you wash them plates?
00:39Uncle Brown, these are dirty. Come on.
00:42Uncle Brown, my wife is not your maid.
00:44Nephew, please. I got too much to do.
00:46There's too many people in here. I got to cook breakfast.
00:48I got to wash clothes. I can't do everything.
00:51I don't know nothing about breakfast. No, baby.
00:53You just didn't help me.
00:56You're just too much.
00:57Please.
00:58Please. You got to help your uncle.
01:00I don't know what...
01:01The whole house smells like liniment and cabbage.
01:05Come on.
01:05All right, all right. Fine, fine, fine. I'll do it.
01:07Oh, thank you.
01:08Nephew, I'm so proud of you.
01:10I'm glad you turned out all right.
01:11Thanks, Uncle.
01:12Because, you know, we didn't think you was going to make it when you was born.
01:15Yes, your mama drank clean up until that minute she had you.
01:19When she was pregnant with you and she was getting ready to have you, she'd just take a drink and
01:23push.
01:23Take a drink and push.
01:26You know, we was going to name you fifth.
01:29When you was born, your head was so big.
01:32Did you know you had a grown man head?
01:35We was going to try to teach you how to swim.
01:37We put you in that water and you just...
01:46I'm telling you, he was...
01:48His head, I think he had big head eliters.
01:52Your head was so big, you could run fat.
01:54Go!
01:57You were so good.
01:59I'm glad you grew enough hair to cover your head.
02:12Hey, Sasha.
02:14Oh, hey, Carmen.
02:15I need a favor.
02:17What's up?
02:18I have these two wonderful kids that I'm trying to place in a home and I am having the hardest
02:21time finding one.
02:23Well, why?
02:23Are they special needs or...
02:25No, no.
02:25The eight-year-old Joaquin, he's a doll.
02:27His sister, Brianna, is a little bit of a handful, but their mother's in jail right now, so I really
02:32need a home for them.
02:33Poor babies.
02:34But I was thinking, since you're a respite care provider, maybe you and Will can take them in for a
02:39bit.
02:39Oh, Carmen, I could, but not for another couple of weeks.
02:42We're still moving into our new place.
02:44Oh, hey, Sasha.
02:45Hey, Carmen, how you doing?
02:46Hey, hey, Cora, can you come here for a minute?
02:48Oh, sure.
02:49What's going on?
02:49Um, Carmen was just telling me that she's got two foster kids that need a place to stay.
02:54We have a lot of space here, but maybe I can talk to Mr. Brown.
02:57I'm sure he wouldn't mind having some needed kids.
02:59No, I think he's got his hands full with the people that are already here.
03:05Hey, Cora!
03:06Look at me, I'm proud!
03:12The devil is a lie!
03:16What are you doing, Colonel?
03:20Colonel, if you wasn't so old, I'd take your arms off and beat you with them.
03:24Yeah, you just tried, Butterball.
03:27If you didn't wash my pants, I would have to put on yours.
03:30Colonel, I'm paying so tight, you look like you're going to get a yeast infection.
03:34What is the sake?
03:35If I get one, it'll be from you.
03:38How about I talk to him a little later?
03:43Hey, Megan, move out of the way.
03:46He's a mean old man.
03:49Oh, that's my security.
03:52Well, Mr. LaRue, we're going live in 30 seconds.
03:54Are you ready?
03:55I'll be ready, Doug.
03:55Where is this going to play?
03:57On the ancient history channel?
03:59No, it's a local talk show.
04:02They're remaking Mississippi Mud.
04:04It's the film that made me a star.
04:06Your ratings just hit an all-time low.
04:10And we're going live in 5, 4, 3...
04:16Good morning, ATL!
04:19I'm standing here with film legend, Miss Daisy LaRue.
04:24Now, do you know who she is?
04:25Because I don't.
04:27But hey, it's a slow news day.
04:28So we got to start when we can.
04:31Miss LaRue, say hello to the ATL.
04:33Oh, hello, dollies!
04:36Oh, I'm so happy to be invited back on your show, Arsenio.
04:44Woof, woof, woof!
04:47I am so sorry.
04:49I didn't know I had an interview today.
04:52London Sheraton!
04:53Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special guest this morning.
04:57The DUI diva herself, London Sheraton!
05:01Hi, Ellen.
05:03I'm not Ellen.
05:04But you have the same haircut as her.
05:08Oh, well, anyways.
05:10Um, so I just wanted to tell you that
05:12obviously you can tell I'm adjusting well to prison life.
05:16And, you know, this whole community service thing
05:18is really a trip once you get used to living in the hood.
05:21That's it!
05:23Oh, how could you?
05:25I...
05:25Oh!
05:26I'm so sorry.
05:27I meant to say ghetto.
05:29Get out of here!
05:30You untalented, derivative little porn performer!
05:35Hold it right there, Maude.
05:37I have talent.
05:40Oh, I've seen your talent!
05:42The colonel showed me your little homemade video.
05:47You saw that?
05:49Research!
05:50Well, can this just wait until after my interview?
05:55Your interview?
05:56They came here for me.
06:00Why would anybody want to see you?
06:03You're not even famous.
06:05You haven't even been arrested.
06:07Huh?
06:08Fix that when I murder you.
06:11Bring it on, you has-been hag.
06:16I'm ready, you little trust-fund trollop.
06:19We had some pudding I'd be in hog heaven.
06:24What?
06:25What?
06:26What?
06:26What?
06:27Well, it's old fool versus new fool.
06:31Ow!
06:32Back to you in the studio, Mark.
06:33Ow!
06:34Ow!
06:34Ow!
06:36Ow!
06:36Ow!
06:38Ow!
06:45Ow!
06:46Ow!
06:48Ow!
06:48What is it?
06:49Karma, you ain't been this complimentary since I baked you them double-stuffed cookies.
06:53What you want?
06:54Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, Mr. Frank.
06:56Karma just had these two children.
06:58She need to come over for a while.
06:59Mm-hmm.
07:00How young and what is a while?
07:02Oh, you won't even notice they're here.
07:03Not at all.
07:04Oh, as long as y'all watching me.
07:05If they coming for a couple hours, y'all take care of them.
07:07Yeah, no, no, no.
07:08It's gonna be more like a couple of days.
07:10Yeah, yeah.
07:10The devil is a lie.
07:11No, they can't come a couple.
07:13Children are live when you look at them and they too noisy.
07:15No, the Bible says,
07:16I'm gonna suffer little children and come unto me.
07:18If they come unto me, they're gonna suffer.
07:20No?
07:21Mr. Brown?
07:22Mr. Brown?
07:23Wait, now you know Jesus said that the children come unto me.
07:27That's right.
07:27He said let them come unto him, not unto Bram.
07:31The Bible also said there are many mansions in heaven.
07:35There are mansions, houses, condominiums, and apartments.
07:38Let them find one in heaven, Cora.
07:40No?
07:42Oh, well that's all right, Cora.
07:45I guess they're just gonna be sad and alone at the end.
07:49Yes.
07:50Just like the sweet baby Jesus, who was all up alone in the barnyard.
07:58With the cows and the chickens and the porcupines.
08:02The porcupines are well.
08:05Yeah.
08:05Well, well, well, well.
08:07Well, well.
08:08Well, well.
08:08Poor little children.
08:09Yes.
08:10You talking about baby Jesus?
08:11I'm talking about baby Jesus.
08:14The little baby Jesus?
08:15Yeah, little, little, little baby Jesus.
08:17Not the people, but the little one.
08:19Little little baby.
08:20Mary's baby Jesus?
08:21Yes, yes.
08:21Joseph and Mary baby Jesus.
08:23Joseph's a stepson, baby Jesus.
08:25Yeah.
08:28I can't, I can't have them kids, then they'll be out there, sleeping alone in the manager,
08:37wrapped up in swaddling clothes.
08:40You mean in a manger in swaddling clothes, Mr. Brown?
08:43Correct.
08:44Don't correct me in front of nobody.
08:46I'm telling this story.
08:49I can't have them kids sleeping out there with the coyotes and the chickens.
08:57All right, y'all.
08:59Bring them unto Brown.
09:05You're gonna be rewarded in heaven for this, Mr. Brown.
09:08I wanna be rewarded right here.
09:11Give me at least $50 for they rent, and give me at least 24 hours notice before they get here.
09:18My purse is in there.
09:19Give me your $50 for now.
09:20Oh, Mr. Brown.
09:21Oh, that's cute.
09:24Corrie, you looked me dead in my face and lied to me.
09:28I oughta put you over my leg and I oughta snatch a knot on your butt.
09:33That'll take all day, Corrie.
09:35I'm not gonna do that to you.
09:38Hey, little kids.
09:39Mr. Brown, this is Joaquin.
09:41Hi.
09:41Hey.
09:42And this is his sister Brianna.
09:44Oh, they sister and brother.
09:46Yeah.
09:48Oh.
09:51Corrie, they must have different daddies.
09:53Mr. Brown.
09:54Oh, hey, Brown.
09:56Love the kids.
09:56Look at you.
09:57Oh, you just glowing.
09:59What y'all wanna do?
10:00Y'all wanna get something?
10:01What you wanna do?
10:02Eat.
10:03Corrie, I told you.
10:04Next thing they gonna want, you want water too, don't you?
10:08But swallow your spit, Corrie.
10:09That's all they do is give me, give me, give me.
10:15I love you too, Brad.
10:19What's Angie gonna think of that?
10:24You have like 25 babies and I don't wanna be a mommy yet.
10:32Okay.
10:35London, darling.
10:37What?
10:37Darling.
10:38What?
10:39Don't you have a charity event at 7?
10:42Yeah?
10:43Oh, I'm being honored tonight.
10:45Why?
10:45What time is it?
10:46Oh!
10:476.59.
10:49What?
10:49I...
10:50I thought I told you not to let me oversleep.
10:53Oh!
10:53I must have forgotten.
10:55We geezers do that, you know.
10:57I gotta check my makeup.
10:59Oh, oh no, darling.
11:00Let me see.
11:00Oh!
11:01You look perfect.
11:02You're such a natural beauty.
11:04Oh, thank you.
11:05That's so sweet.
11:06Yeah, I have a big event tonight.
11:08It's gonna be, it's gonna be on TV and everything.
11:10Oh, well, you don't wanna miss that.
11:12Oh, no.
11:13I'm being honored tonight.
11:14I'm the vegetarian of the year.
11:17Oh, well, let's don't forget your jacket.
11:21Okay.
11:24Are you sure this looks okay?
11:25It's perfect, darling.
11:27You never have to go.
11:28Okay.
11:30Well...
11:35Have a good time.
11:37Bye.
11:48Man.
11:49Everybody here's so old.
11:51It's like living in Jurassic Park.
11:55Who you calling old, son?
11:57Don't you know children should be seen and not heard?
12:00Go outside and get me a switch.
12:02We are outside.
12:05Yeah.
12:06This is our fourth foster home.
12:09It's kinda scary always moving someplace new.
12:11You'll get used to it, son.
12:13You know, I was dropped out of a Huey in Nam in the summer of 66.
12:19Oh, Lord.
12:20Yeah, and Charlie was all around me.
12:23Who's Charlie?
12:25The enemy, son!
12:26The enemy!
12:33He was all around us.
12:35They had us covered.
12:38They captured Dennis before he could get a shot at him.
12:43And my best friend, Leo, he walked into a tank and BOOM!
12:50Next thing I know, I was picking pieces of him out of my hair.
12:58Colonel, your queen is too young to be hearing them kind of stories.
13:01Uh, it's Joaquin.
13:03Your queen, Joaquin, whatever queen, just you're too young to be hearing them.
13:08Go on, Colonel.
13:09Then what happened?
13:11Did you kill anybody?
13:13Well, I haven't killed anybody lately.
13:17I got somebody in mind.
13:21All right, already?
13:22Let's go get some ice cream, come on.
13:25We gonna go check on Corrie and your sister, come on.
13:27She's not here.
13:29What did you say, Maureen?
13:30Brandon said she's not staying.
13:32She left an hour ago, sir.
13:34As you were, young man.
13:35Back up, back up.
13:36You be my shield.
13:39In other news, celebrity diva London Sheridan
13:43showed up last night at a charity event
13:45for the National Vegetarian Association
13:47wearing a jacket with the words
13:49Eat More Meat written on it.
13:52Miss Sheridan was chased out of the event
13:55by a crowd of angry vegetarians
13:57and two hungry vegans.
14:02You evil little trash!
14:05Abba!
14:08Good morning.
14:09Can you just leave the back?
14:11Oh!
14:13This is a dress I wore
14:16and the devil had deep blue eyes!
14:19How could you do this?
14:21How could you do this?
14:23Aw, payback's a bitch!
14:28And it made three more like it.
14:32You evil little girl.
14:37I'm going to kill you.
14:40Is there anyone you'd like to call before you die?
14:45Is there anyone you'd like to call before you die, Lucy?
14:51Maybe Ricky?
14:54Oh, oh yeah, that reminds me. Someone called for you yesterday.
14:58Let me think. It was Warner Brothers,
15:01and they said that they wanted to use you for their next movie.
15:07But then I told them that you died 40 years ago.
15:12Oh, that was your career.
15:17What are you doing?
15:18I am looking for knives.
15:22Because I want to kill you and I want it to be very, very painful.
15:29All right, I don't care. I'll do it with my hands.
15:31What?
15:35Wait.
15:38Hold on, what's the way? Wait a minute.
15:41There's only room in this house for one diva.
15:43You can either go out on your back or on your feet.
15:48Well, you're certainly the expert at being on your back.
15:53At least when I'm on my back, I can get up.
15:58Place your bets, people. My money's on Daisy.
16:01She's old and frail, but she's treacherous.
16:06You're about to witness the death of the world's most untalented tabloid queen.
16:12Hold on, hold on. Okay, that's enough. Enough is enough.
16:14All right, that's enough.
16:15But then when I'm dead, I guess I'll know how your career feels.
16:18Oh, I will kill her.
16:20Hey, hey, hey, hey. Cut it out, cut it out.
16:22You two are acting like kids.
16:24Hey, I take offense to that.
16:26I'm a kid and I don't act like that.
16:30Okay, sweetheart, why don't we let the grown-ups deal with this and go outside?
16:33Okay, you look, ladies, we have a real problem here.
16:36Brianna is missing.
16:38Okay, now you both have to live together, so figure out how to get along.
16:43I'm so sorry. I...
16:48It must be the Georgia heat. I just, I mean, I was acting crazy.
16:52I'm so, so sorry.
16:53I'm so sorry.
16:54It's all right. It's okay.
16:56I'm sorry, too.
16:58Do you forgive me?
17:01Oh, honey.
17:06Ow!
17:07Oh, sorry.
17:10Uh-uh.
17:11It caught on my face.
17:13By the way, I was kidding about the Warner Brothers thing.
17:17It was Paramount.
17:18Bitch!
17:23I bet I've almost won an Academy Award.
17:26Say mission by name.
17:27It is crazy in there.
17:29It's pretty nice.
17:31I think there's something wrong with those people, though.
17:35Very nice.
17:37Brianna!
17:38Where have you been?
17:40I slept out here last night.
17:42Everyone's been very worried about you.
17:44What's going on in there?
17:46She's missing it!
17:47She's missing it!
17:47The old lady?
17:48She's in there.
17:49And she's choking out the young rich chick.
17:52Yeah.
17:53Brianna, you can't keep doing this.
17:54People have been very worried about you.
17:57Sorry.
17:58Well, sorry is not good enough, Brianna.
18:00Okay?
18:00I have run out of places to put you in, and you are putting your brother in jeopardy.
18:03Look.
18:04I'mma do me.
18:05You just take it.
18:06No, no, no.
18:06Wait.
18:06I'm not finished.
18:09Can I have a word with Brianna alone?
18:14Sure.
18:15Come on.
18:16Come on.
18:25Have a seat.
18:26I don't think...
18:27Please.
18:29Please.
18:37You know, um...
18:39When I was growing up in Alabama, I had a friend who was just like you.
18:44You did?
18:45She was very, very pretty.
18:47And smart, too.
18:49Got skipped two grades.
18:51But when she turned 15, she thought she knew more than her parents.
18:56So she just ran off.
18:58She thought she was grown.
18:59She wanted to be on her own.
19:01First person she runs into is a pimp.
19:07It took her 18 years to get from under him.
19:1118 years.
19:13Listen.
19:16You only have a few choices in life.
19:21Those people in there, they love you.
19:24They care about you, Brianna.
19:27No, they don't.
19:27They don't know me.
19:31But you don't give them any chances either.
19:38Nothing I'm saying makes sense to you.
19:41A little bit.
19:43Those streets will eat you up, baby.
19:45They will eat you up.
19:49Are you done?
19:50Can I go now?
19:59Miss Edna, what happened to your friend?
20:03Well, she ended up being a very beautiful, fabulous 40-year-old woman.
20:1940.
20:20That's my story.
20:21And I'm sticking to it.
20:23Ha, ha, ha.
20:2640.
20:36That's my story.
20:37Ha, ha, ha.
20:39So, I'm fine.
20:41I'm I'm trying.
20:56It's fine.
20:57You can't wait.
20:57I don't even know anything else.
20:57I'm fine.
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