- 5 hours ago
First broadcast 29th September 2001.
Hotelier Virginia Carpenter calls in Jeff and Jeannie to investigate the macabre, mysterious deaths of two of her guests.
Bob Mortimer - Jeff Randall
Vic Reeves - Marty Hopkirk
Emilia Fox - Jeannie Hurst
Tom Baker - Professor Wyvern
Hywel Bennett - Roger Whale
Nichola McAuliffe - Virginia Carpenter
John Thomson - Lewton
David Walliams - Browning
Mona Hammond - Margaret Hooper
Janet Henfrey - Hettie Craven
Lizzie Hopley - Ruth (as Elizabeth Hopley)
Nina Young - Sonia Cronenberg
Alex Noodle - Billy - Concierge
Charlie Higson - Customer at Bar
Hotelier Virginia Carpenter calls in Jeff and Jeannie to investigate the macabre, mysterious deaths of two of her guests.
Bob Mortimer - Jeff Randall
Vic Reeves - Marty Hopkirk
Emilia Fox - Jeannie Hurst
Tom Baker - Professor Wyvern
Hywel Bennett - Roger Whale
Nichola McAuliffe - Virginia Carpenter
John Thomson - Lewton
David Walliams - Browning
Mona Hammond - Margaret Hooper
Janet Henfrey - Hettie Craven
Lizzie Hopley - Ruth (as Elizabeth Hopley)
Nina Young - Sonia Cronenberg
Alex Noodle - Billy - Concierge
Charlie Higson - Customer at Bar
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:14There you are, Mr. Lewton, rooming 318 on the third floor.
00:20Breakfast is served in the Wayfarer's Carvery restaurant between 6.30 and 9.00 a.m.
00:24And I hope you have a nice day at the Traveler's Halt.
00:28Um, are they still doing room service?
00:30Well, we can do you cold sandwiches.
00:33Oh, something like a chicken sandwich would be fine.
00:35Certainly, Mr. Lewton. Someone will be right up with it.
00:55Hello?
00:57Hello, Mr. Lewton.
01:02I don't know.
01:35Hello?
01:37Room service.
01:38Oh, right, lovely. Come in.
01:45I've got something for you.
01:48Oh, oh, er, right, lovely.
01:54Maybe you've got something for me.
01:59Oh, yeah, right.
02:01A tip?
02:03Yes, sorry.
02:03I don't want that.
02:05I want...
02:08What?
02:08What do you want?
02:10I want a man.
02:14Is this a joke?
02:15A special kind of man.
02:17I wonder if it's you.
02:19I wonder if you're strong enough for my love.
02:26You know, I've spent half my life in hotels and I've always dreamed something like this would happen.
02:33Oh, your hand, though, it's frozen.
02:35What?
02:35Mm.
02:41Where on earth did you learn to kiss like that?
02:44A very long time ago, darling.
02:47You're like a block of ice.
02:50I'll soon warm you up.
02:53Mm.
02:54Mm.
02:58Mm.
03:00Mm.
03:01Mm.
03:02Mm.
03:03Mm.
03:07He's all yours, darling.
03:09Suck out his feeble life.
03:12But we must find someone soon or we will both be too weak.
03:20Gee whiz, what an adorable little place.
03:24Is that meant to be an American accent, Jeannie?
03:27It might have been.
03:28Yeah, but it's terrible.
03:30You're useless accents, aren't you?
03:31All right, then.
03:32Well, let's hear yours.
03:33Yeah, all right.
03:35Oh, will you look at this place?
03:37It's beautiful.
03:38I sure hope they serve up grits.
03:41Yeah, all right.
03:42I'm not really good.
03:45What's up?
03:46I've just realised, Geoff, I've been here before.
03:49Me and Marty came here once, years ago.
03:51What?
03:54You all right?
03:55It's when I think of Marty.
03:58It's like a, like a migraine.
04:01It's...
04:02Like there's a clamp round my head.
04:06I just wish I had a key and I could unlock it, you know?
04:18There you are, Miss Hooper.
04:20Enjoy your stay at Traveller's Holt.
04:23These ghost weekends you're running are a terrific idea.
04:28We do hope we'll see one of your famous spirits.
04:31Well, you never know.
04:32You never know.
04:32The faceless lady.
04:34Or the ice maiden.
04:36Or the burning man, even.
04:39I can sense the great sorrow from long ago.
04:41Someone has a need to tell us something before they can find rest.
04:48Any luck last night, Mr Browning?
04:50A lot of sausage.
04:53Hang on, though.
04:59Just me racking about.
05:01You know, it's terrible, Geoff.
05:02Sometimes I can't even remember what Marty looked like.
05:05Well, it's just a headache to me.
05:06Maybe it's delayed shock.
05:08I love a delay, Janie.
05:09It's a year since he died, you know.
05:13Hello.
05:14Mrs Carpenter.
05:15Oh, you must be Randall and Hopkirk.
05:17Randall and Hurst.
05:19Hopkirk died?
05:21Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
05:26Oh, Clark.
05:30Not again.
05:32Something up with the electrics.
05:35So, about these dead bodies, then?
05:37Not so loud, Mr Hurst.
05:39Randall.
05:40Look, I...
05:41You'd better come with me.
05:54It was terrible.
05:56It was just lying there, burnt to a crisp.
06:00It was just awful.
06:02It smelled like a fry-up.
06:04It's one of the hazards of the hotel trade.
06:07The unflushed lavatory, the strange stain on the counterpane, the sudden death.
06:11It's all in a day's work for the experienced hotelier.
06:14It's the third one since I started working here.
06:17Yes.
06:18Thank you, Ruth.
06:19That'll be all.
06:21Like bacon and eggs.
06:22That'll be all.
06:25The police are satisfied that there wasn't anything sinister.
06:28I mean, smoking is a filthy habit, but I can't ban it outright in the hotel or I'd lose trade.
06:34He must have dozed off in bed and luckily the sprinkler system came on before there was any major damage.
06:41Well, the fact of the matter is, people keep dying in my hotel and if I don't do something about
06:48it soon, I'll be closed down.
06:50And you think all the deaths are in somewhere connected?
06:53That's what I want you to find out.
06:55Do you have any theories?
06:57Do you believe in the supernatural, Mr Hurst?
07:00Randall.
07:01Some of the locals claim that this place is haunted.
07:05So it's a ghost we're looking for, that's what you're saying, yeah?
07:07I'm not saying anything, Mr...
07:09Randall.
07:10Have you ever considered that perhaps, just perhaps, it might be a big hairy giant?
07:16Oh, Jeff.
07:18Don't worry, Mrs Carpenter. We'll investigate the real causes.
07:22Or a goblin with a grudge.
07:24Or a farting fox.
07:34Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Marty?
07:38I don't know.
07:41Were you thinking about Auntie Barnacle paint?
07:44No.
07:45Well, no.
07:46You weren't thinking about what I was thinking.
07:47What I was thinking is what are you thinking?
07:48I was thinking it was about time you went back down there and renewed your acquaintance with Mr Randall.
07:56Oh, I don't know.
08:02He's forgotten about me, but he's for the best.
08:04You did wrong, Marty.
08:06And you had to make Jeff forget everything, but you made it right.
08:10And Jeff's subconscious mind ought to be over the trauma of being wiped clean of your memory.
08:13But he is under great strain, as are you.
08:16And if you leave it too much longer, you will begin to lose your powers.
08:20To lose your consciousness.
08:23I know.
08:26Perhaps he's better off without me, eh?
08:29He'll get on with his own life.
08:31Maybe I'm not wanted down there.
08:33Maybe I'm not wanted anywhere.
08:34I know what you mean, Marty.
08:36It's sometimes harder on the living.
08:37They can be as much in limbo as the dead.
08:40And I do sense that Jeff might have some feelings for your genie.
08:44Feelings that while you're not about, he can't...
08:49Mr Hopkack?
08:53Mr Hopkack?
08:54Mr Hopkack?
08:54Oh.
08:59Antibonatal paint.
09:06Do you honestly believe that ghosts exist?
09:08Yeah.
09:09But once, when I was staying with my friend when I was a kid,
09:12I know you won't believe me, but something came through the wall.
09:15No, you're right. I don't believe it.
09:16You see, I deal in the truth, Genie, and the truth is,
09:18things don't come through walls.
09:21Oh, yes, they can.
09:23The dead walk among us.
09:25Maybe we should hold a seance, Margaret.
09:28Try to contact these unfortunate lost souls.
09:31We should hold an exorcism.
09:33This place should be purified.
09:36The stones of this place hold a great evil.
09:38Bam, twaddle!
09:39There are ghosts here.
09:43They've been seen.
09:44The burning man, the faceless lady, the ice maid.
09:49Ghosts and ghoulies.
09:52Banshees, bogeymen, and bashy bazooks.
09:57This whole thing is below, if you'll pardon my French.
10:01You have to be sensitive.
10:04You have to keep an open mind.
10:07You're telling me that some people are special, are you?
10:09They can talk to the dearly departed.
10:12We all have the sight.
10:13But some of us have blocked it.
10:15That's a very handy get-out clause.
10:18Be careful.
10:20Your skin is very thin.
10:22And when the gates of death open, the gates of perception also open.
10:28Is it viral?
10:30I beg your pardon?
10:31You know, one of those viruses that turn your brains into porridge?
10:34Or were you just dropped on your head as a child?
10:37Come along, Hattie.
10:42Maybe you're just a congenital idiot.
10:45Hello.
10:47Sorry about that, Roger Whale.
10:49Not THE Roger Whale.
10:51The journalist Roger Whale.
10:52Who exposed police corruption in the West Midlands?
10:55You were nearly killed in Biafra, yeah?
10:57No.
10:58Roger Whale, the tabloid hack, who exposed the kinky bishop and the call girl.
11:03Well, you've got to go where the money is.
11:05And you are Randall and Hopkirk private detectives.
11:10She's hired you to keep up appearances, has she?
11:13That's confidential.
11:15Why don't you and I pool our resources?
11:19You're a very sexy little lady.
11:22Maybe I could feature you in my article.
11:26What article?
11:26What article?
11:27The Hotel of Doom.
11:28Guests check in, but they don't check out.
11:31Well, you've got to hand it to her.
11:33You know, she's doing good business.
11:34She's cashing in on other people's misery.
11:37Something your paper would never do.
11:38You look very good in print.
11:41Very sexy, darling.
11:42A blonde, female, private dick.
11:46Have you ever considered posing in your undies?
11:48Yeah.
11:50Have you?
11:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
11:53I like you.
11:55You're a very sexy lady.
12:05Jeff!
12:06You just missed him, mate.
12:09Thanks.
12:10Love the suit, by the...
12:16where do you go then
12:20well he's right you know jeannie you are a very sexy little thing don't you start
12:26look i'm gonna freshen up then why don't we meet at the wayfarer's carvery for some of their
12:30international cuisine yeah i suppose we should eat mind you with this headache i'd like to just
12:34have a hot bath and then get straight into my bed yeah me too i'm sorry jeannie i've only got
12:40a
12:40little bed yeah still we'll have to cope won't we you know the late nights the bad food all in
12:51a
12:51day's work for the experienced detective was that supposed to be posh yeah well that's one accent i
13:00can definitely do better than you you're right and so sexy stop it oh you press all me buttons don't
13:06oh you do though and you make me bells ring as well ding dong look i'll see you next time
13:10yeah see you
13:16i'm back i'm back i'm back
13:34this dreams for you must seem like a dream come true so look out girl i'm telling you this dreams
13:43for real
14:01lovely
14:02hello
14:03every other day you'll be touching me and before you know it baby
14:11we'll be touching heaven
14:16still can't manage the harmonies eh jeff
14:21is somebody there oh i'm sorry i didn't mean to startle you do you work here do i look
14:28like a chambermaid hello jeff
14:33i don't know i i can't really see you
14:35oh remember dear friend from all mankind i was allowed to choose such joy you felt when you first
14:45heard the news would you like to my dear hang on this is getting a bit surreal darling i've barely
14:53started but wait what would befall us if our bond we were to lose this question is not one we
15:03should
15:04ever want to pose pose pose pose pose
15:15what the hell look i don't believe in ghosts all right
15:23what is this
15:35yee-haw stupid faces are you
15:41please hold it
15:45she just agreed
16:01marty
16:05i mean what right do you think you had in the first place to start erasing my memories
16:10it's very delicate in there you know you don't know what you might have damaged
16:14come to think of it since you did it i haven't been enjoying my eggs sorry
16:20how's your mom it's fine car fine office it's okay how's genie
16:29genie's great and you know it's great to have you back it's great to be back so how's wyvern
16:35terrific yeah unless he taught you when he knew powers yes yes anything you can show me yes
16:55you just shrink my shoes yeah that's your great new power is it you can shrink things no
17:02not all things just choose so that's it you can shrink shoes
17:09i know it's a wonderful little power mate come on i don't know how i manage without you
17:21she's good she's strong and she doesn't know it but she's in love
17:31maybe this time we've got it right but my darling you're fading fast we must do it tonight or else
17:38i
17:38might lose you forever i long to have you back to hold you in my arms but there's a complication
17:46they have a spirit watching over them another one like us you must keep him out of my way
17:56genie i'm just getting changed okay i'll see you downstairs then right we're gonna go and eat
18:03so will you have a snoop around see what you can dig up yeah this is more like a jeff
18:07just like the old
18:28days
18:28i think i'll have the honey roast ham with basil leaf and baby tomato salad
18:34mascarpani and a drizzling of balsamic vinegar and a ciabatta please
18:37it's not easy
18:54jess not sure what is it 318
19:04this is it the chamber of horrors all the murders have taken place either in this room
19:13or near it it's very cold isn't it watch a bit nippy yeah
19:22now the first one 1951 right up my paper street captain james romero and sonia cronenberg
19:37bit of a scandal not married not to each other anyway now her husband was found dead soon after
19:46stabbed 22 times they reckon the two of them were trying to get away their their boat was due to
19:53sail at dawn and they hold up for the night in this dump but they never left both went up
19:59in smoke
20:01mysterious circumstances burned down half the hotel in the process
20:08jeff i'm sorry roger i keep feeling like there's someone else in here with us i'm sorry carry on
20:14now since then five more deaths two heart attacks two fires one choked to death by smoke
20:21all single men no witnesses what do you reckon that's more than coincidence
20:46what are you doing in there same as you there you go sir tongue and piccoli
20:54oh fancy can i have your washing book please
21:03perhaps sometimes we need some sad corner like this
21:09to make us see the good things that we have in our lives
21:13but come on how can somebody burn alive in the hotel room and not set the place of the entire
21:17hotel spontaneous combustion really rot they've got a sprinkler system didn't you feel it the cold
21:23heating's off the clammy walls rising damp i should imagine
21:32you're just scared roger whale scared to print the truth bilge
21:44the truth is perfect for my paper
21:47posh bird and lover murder husband then die in cd hotel what happened roger you used to be one of
21:54the
21:54best investigative journalists around i've got old jeff and i got tired i've spent my entire life
22:00dealing with wars famine disease poverty miscarriages of justice and misery it was killing me
22:08they pay me very well to titillate their readers
22:11have i ever lost my credibility but i gained a villa in the south of france
22:18there's something weird about this hotel jeff oh you found him then like the suit by the way
22:24but he's saturday night fever hold on a minute can you see him what he can see me jeff
22:31yeah but i'm supposed to be the only one who can see him why's that then is he undercover he's
22:37got the
22:37sight jeff the sight yes roger i am a ghost whoo
22:47marty of go please to meet you i would shake your hand but i've got no substance now as you
22:53can see me
22:54perhaps you could help us because this hotel is slipping back in time what marty the only weird
23:06thing happening here is that he can apparently see you i'm telling you jeff this place is spooked
23:11tell you what let's have a party i'll get the beer in you two can supply the nuts and i
23:17can supply the
23:27spirits roger roger roger are you all right
23:36it's just a twitch
23:41did you see that thing what thing
23:46don't mind i'll be okay it's just the old ticker i'm uh i'm going to the bar
24:07genie
24:18good evening jeff i'm so glad we're here tonight together at last
24:31i know it's silly but that awful thunder gives me the shivers
24:35but i know you'll look after me won't you darling
25:06are you all right
25:10Did I not be?
25:11Well, it's just you seem... you seem different.
25:15Must be this place, the end of the world, where people come and go but never stay.
25:22Perhaps we need some sad corner like this to make us see the good things that we have in our
25:26lives.
25:28You're doing your funny accents.
25:29Sorry?
25:30Your funny accents.
25:33Sorry.
25:37Sorry.
25:41Sorry, Jeff, I was forgetting myself.
25:44No, it was very good.
25:54So, are you still hungry?
25:56It's just the restaurant will be shutting any minute and...
25:58Yes, I'm hungry, Jeff.
26:00I'm starving.
26:02I could eat and eat and eat.
26:07Listen, you know you mentioned Marty earlier.
26:09Marty's dead and we're alive and we're going to be together forever.
26:12Yeah, but it's not as simple as that.
26:14I am so hungry.
26:17All right, Jeannie.
26:18He's dead.
26:22Indeed.
26:24It's just we're closing up soon.
26:27Don't worry.
26:28We were just leaving, weren't we?
26:30Will we?
26:32Will we?
26:40Small shoes.
26:46Is there anybody there?
26:48You've got to help me.
26:50Listen.
26:51Don't be afraid.
26:52Don't be afraid.
26:53I want to help you.
26:54Good.
26:55Listen.
26:56Knock?
26:57If you can hear me.
26:58What do you mean, knock?
27:00Oh, activity.
27:02It's essentially in system, you idiot.
27:06Give me a sign.
27:20Come on, darling.
27:22Jeannie, what is it that you want?
27:24Jeff.
27:26What do you want, Jeff?
27:28What can I give you?
27:30What do you really like?
27:34Crisps.
27:40What about warm skin?
27:43The feel of someone's hair in your face.
27:45The scent of another body.
27:49What about a hot mouth pressed against yours?
27:53Yeah, but we're just mates, aren't we, Jeannie?
27:55Mates?
27:57Haven't you guessed what I've been wanting?
28:00Well, yeah, but I thought you were just being nice.
28:03Nice?
28:05Nice can get just a teensy-weensy bit boring.
28:10Don't you ever think about being nasty?
28:13Look, this is all getting a little bit strange, Jeannie.
28:16It is tempting, but strange.
28:19I need loving, Jeff.
28:21Like any other woman.
28:23Except I'm not like any other woman.
28:29Jeannie, could you drop the accent?
28:31To be honest, it's scaring me.
28:33You're right.
28:34I shouldn't say any more.
28:43Darling, what's the matter?
28:49Nothing.
28:49Well, you keep looking towards the door.
28:52I don't.
28:54No one's coming in.
28:55The door's locked.
28:58Look, I know it sounds stupid, but I can't stop thinking about Marty.
29:02Marty's been taken care of, believe me.
29:05Now, take care of me.
29:08Make me feel alive.
29:11Look, it's not right.
29:13It shouldn't happen like this.
29:20You're not going to stop me, Jeff.
29:22You're strong.
29:24The other one.
29:26Do you really think that the other one...
29:29...now have you truly loved me?
29:32It's not right.
29:43Oh, Mrs. Carpenter, is it all right if we set up our paraphernalia in the bar?
29:48Paraphernalia?
29:49For the exorcism.
29:59Miss Hooper.
30:01Yes.
30:02What did you mean before about having thin skin?
30:07They do say that when a person's close to death, they sometimes can see into the spirit world.
30:17That's a consolation, then.
30:29I'm really not sure about this.
30:31It is an ancient ceremony, a banishment to rid the place of spirits.
30:37But how do we know that they're all bad?
30:42They must cast out the evil.
30:44And if some other harmless spirit gets cleanse as well, then at least they're going to a better place than
30:51this.
30:52Well, it may not be paradise, but at least the sheets are clean.
30:54I need help.
30:58Where's Roger?
31:09Why, then?
31:11What are you doing here?
31:12Martin, you are in very grave danger.
31:26She's young.
31:27Almost indecently strong and very passionate.
31:32Him, too.
31:34They're both perfect.
31:37All these years, we've been going wrong.
31:39All we needed to do was to take the bodies of two people who were in love.
31:44But you must not fail me tonight.
31:46It may be our last chance.
31:47If we cannot take them back to the moment we died and swap bodies with them for good,
31:51then I will be as weak and useless as you.
31:55Oh, I know, my darling.
31:56I'm sorry.
31:58But I have been carrying you for 50 years.
32:02Waystations, crossroads, notorious hotspots for powerful forces since ancient times.
32:06Time is only wafer thin in places like this.
32:09Who knows how many souls are trapped here from time before time?
32:12I was wondering when the cavalry might turn up.
32:15I cannot help you, Marty.
32:16I can't get to you.
32:19There is a terrible evil here.
32:21It must not be allowed to spread like a vile canker.
32:23A what?
32:24A canker.
32:25You must be strong, Marty.
32:27Never give up hope.
32:30That thing has sucked all my strength.
32:34While it is in the building, it is strong.
32:36Past and present coexist here.
32:39The moment of its death has become infinite.
32:41Is it a ghost?
32:43They are not ghosts like you.
32:45They are not yet dead, but neither are they alive.
32:48They cling on to this place in a wrinkle of time, hoping to change the past.
32:52To live again.
32:54They?
32:54You mean there's more of them?
32:56It is too degenerate to exist by itself.
32:59There must be at least one other helping it, feeding it, on stolen lives.
33:03And you too, Australia allies.
33:07You depend upon the living for strength.
33:10You can't allow them to escape into the world, Marty.
33:15Marty!
33:17Marty!
33:20Marty?
33:27Roger, I need your help.
33:31What's a canker?
33:33The only logical explanation for this is that I'm having a stroke and hallucinating.
33:41Roger, you've got to believe.
33:45You've got to believe in ghosts.
33:46You've got to believe that a hotel can slip back to the 1950s.
33:48You've got to believe that spirits can exchange their bodies.
33:50Roger!
33:52You've got to believe in me.
33:54I don't need the stress.
33:57I'm too old to change my ways to buy into all this boujou.
34:01Get in there and see what those loonies are up to.
34:04I've got to go and help Jeff.
34:08Jeff, wake up!
34:10Jeff!
34:11Marty.
34:13Marty?
34:15Marty, I'm fast asleep.
34:16Can you wait till tomorrow?
34:17Get up, you're in big trouble.
34:18I will be now.
34:20What?
34:20Look, it's the middle of the night, Marty.
34:22And why are you whispering?
34:23I'm not whispering.
34:25It's just that I'm tired and I want to get some sleep.
34:27Look, it's this hotel.
34:28There's something here, something evil.
34:30Oh, yeah, right.
34:31The trouser press from hell.
34:32The room service menu of fear.
34:35Complimentary biscuits of death.
34:37I command you now.
34:39Turn out, turn out.
34:40I bearish you for all time.
34:54Just remember, at the point of transfer, we'll be at our weakest, like crabs out of their
34:58shells.
35:02Then, then, my sweet darling, you'll be a man, and you can hold this body in your arms forever.
35:11It's not a hotel, Marty.
35:13A hotel.
35:14That's all.
35:15I'm tired of having some sleep.
35:17Jeff, you're a big trouble.
35:18You idiot.
35:19I thought you dealt with him.
35:22Why must I do everything?
35:24Look, something's happened here sometime in the 50s, and it's affected everything ever
35:27since.
35:291951.
35:31November the 13th, 1951.
35:33That's 50 years to the day.
35:42So you believe me now?
35:43No.
35:44Yes, I don't know.
35:45Look, Marty, I just want to get some sleep.
35:47Will you just leave?
35:48Be not among us now!
36:00Jeff.
36:02Jeannie!
36:03Oh, Jeff, I'm scared.
36:07Turn out!
36:08Turn out!
36:09I'll punish you again!
36:10Stop it!
36:13You don't know what you're doing.
36:15I thought you didn't believe in the spirit world of Mr. Whale.
36:18Well, let's say I'm betting each way on this one.
36:25So you're saying that it all started the night James Romero and Sonia Cronenberg died
36:29here?
36:30Hmm.
36:31Well, they were both burned to death, and nobody knows exactly what happened.
36:35Well, there's only one way to find out.
36:37Is there?
36:39We should re-enact their last moments.
36:41Well, I was thinking more along the lines of looking at the court reports, you know, seeing
36:46if any of the original investigating officers are still alive.
36:50We must know exactly what happened that night.
36:53We must walk through their last moments together.
36:56Relive that night.
36:58Confront whatever's there.
37:00Jeannie, it's not really the normal way of going about these things.
37:03Jeff, you know perfectly well that this is not a normal case.
37:08We must hurry.
37:09It's nearly time.
37:12Hello.
37:13James and Sonia Smith.
37:15That's the names they used to check in.
37:18Don't worry.
37:19We're just doing a re-enactment.
37:20If you could just, you know, go along with it.
37:22We'd like a room.
37:24A double.
37:25Very well.
37:27Room 318 is free.
37:30Our tariff is 13 and 6 per night, which includes light breakfast, constituting a meat meal away
37:36from home.
37:39William, will you show these guests up to room 318?
37:42Certainly.
37:43Sir, madam?
37:49What's he playing at?
38:02I'll run a bath, darling.
38:04What?
38:05Everything must be as it was, remember?
38:11Yeah, well...
38:22Well, don't think I don't know what's going on round here.
38:24Look, I know what you're going to say.
38:25Oh, what?
38:26That evil beings from another time are trying to come back to life, and we've got to stop them.
38:33No, that you're upset because I slept with Janie.
38:38You what?
38:43Yes?
38:44Room service.
38:46Come in.
38:49You ordered a bottle of Sambucca, sir.
38:53Did I?
39:00Look, Marty, I don't know what to say.
39:02Did you not think about me at all, then?
39:04Of course I did.
39:05I thought about you all the time.
39:08You know, it was Jeannie's idea.
39:09All this is Jeannie's idea.
39:11You know, she came on pretty strong.
39:14I bet she did.
39:14So, there's no reason why we should fall out over it, is there?
39:19I bet she did.
39:20I bet she did.
39:21Because, that's not Jeannie in there.
39:24Go!
39:24Go now!
39:25For all eternity!
39:26Please, Margaret, perhaps Mr. Whale was right.
39:29A practicus condenitor thole, a thole.
39:33A practicus condenitor thole.
39:35I see skeptical.
39:36Do you not see what's happening to her, Jeff?
39:38She's been taken over by some evil, twisted being that, for some unfathomable reason, finds
39:43you sexually alluring.
39:44What are they called?
39:45Sucker buses.
39:45Oh, I get it.
39:47So, Jeannie couldn't possibly find me attractive, yeah?
39:49Exactly.
39:50What if, Marty, what if when you died, you actually had died, you'd just gone?
39:55There?
39:56Yeah.
39:56Me and Jeannie would be together.
39:58No!
39:58Yes.
39:59You're just like a little kid, you, Marty.
40:01You block it out.
40:01For God's sake, Jeff, can you not say you've been seduced?
40:04You're under their spell.
40:06Do you want some advice, Marty?
40:07You need to let it go.
40:10Look around.
40:10Look at this room.
40:11Look at you.
40:12It's not 1951.
40:14You don't wear a hat, and that's not Jeannie in there.
40:25Now, where were we?
40:37To us, darling.
40:40Charles is dead, and tomorrow we'll be out of the country.
40:43Right, yeah, whatever.
40:45Look, Jeannie.
40:46Oh, I saw a trick with this stuff once.
40:47You can light it.
40:49Here, let me try.
40:50All right.
40:51Jeannie, don't take this the wrong way.
40:52Good morning, darling.
40:53We'll walk out of here arm in arm.
40:54We'll be away.
40:56Free.
40:57Alive.
40:59What?
41:01I wasn't talking to you.
41:02We've got to hurry.
41:04We've got to help Jeff and Jeannie.
41:06I don't think I can do this, Marty.
41:09I never looked after myself.
41:13Son it.
41:15Let's see if I can do one good thing in my life.
41:19When the flame ignites, step into his body, and it'll all be over.
41:23Jeff, wait.
41:25You've got to get out of here.
41:26They're trying to swap bodies with you.
41:27Here's to us.
41:43Let's see if I can do one good thing in my life.
41:57Be not done on us now.
42:01Marty.
42:05Marty.
42:20I can't fight this.
42:23I can't fight this.
42:24I can't fight this.
42:25I can't fight this.
42:31It's over.
42:46Mr. Hurst.
42:48Miss Randall.
42:49Are you leaving, then?
42:50Yes.
42:50I don't think you'll have any more strange goings-on around here, Mrs. Carpenter.
42:53I think you could be right, Mr. Hurst.
42:55I think you could be right.
42:58Free at last, darling.
43:00Let's hurry, James.
43:01There's a whole world waiting for us out here.
43:08Come on, start the car.
43:09Why are you waiting?
43:10I just want a moment to relish all this.
43:13And enjoy our bodies.
43:15And all we can do with them.
43:17Yes, it's a shame I'll have to give it all up.
43:19What do you mean, James, darling?
43:20Well, it's not fair on Jeff.
43:23I can't keep his body for too long.
43:26Jeff?
43:27But why?
43:28Well, you see, Sonia, you weren't clever enough.
43:31Nor were you as strong.
43:32Now that precious James has gone, I've borrowed Jeff's body for a bit.
43:37So all your plans have come to now.
43:41Well, at least I destroyed Jeannie.
43:43I cast her spirit into my old body, and now she's been dead for 50 years.
43:50I'm afraid not, Sonia.
43:51Jeannie never checked into your body.
43:53So there's a corpse waiting for you back in 1951 with your name written on it.
43:59No.
44:00And there's nothing that you can do about it.
44:02Now you're out of that place, you've got no home.
44:05So, goodbye.
44:07No.
44:13No!
44:16No!
44:19No!
44:34No!
44:39No!
44:41No!
44:49Right, Jeannie, we'd better get you back.
44:56She's in there, Marty, sleeping safely.
45:00I looked after her for you, mate.
45:04Thanks, Roger. You did all right.
45:07You know, it's a funny thing to go the whole distance believing in one thing
45:14and then on your last day alive realise you were completely wrong.
45:21It's a terrible thing, a closed mind.
45:26Anyway, I'd best be getting along.
45:30Ta-da.
45:37Well, Jeannie, you'd better have your body back.
46:04I'd better have your body back.
46:10Uh, Mr Hurst, Miss Randall, are you leaving then?
46:14Yes, I don't think you'll have any more strange goings-on round here, Mrs Carpenter.
46:17I think you could be right, Mr Hurst. I think you could be right.
46:22Ah, there is one thing, though.
46:25Roger Whale.
46:27It's all in the day's work for the experienced hotelier.
46:30Right.
46:40Haunted hotelier, my arse.
46:42I could teach you how to count the atoms in the snowflake, Marty.
46:46Show you the wonders of the furthest black hole.
46:50Tell you why the dinosaurs really died out.
46:53But the old,
46:54how could my best friend sleep with my girl?
46:58That's too difficult to answer.
46:59Well, you see,
47:00he may have slept with her,
47:02but she didn't sleep with him.
47:04Not technically, no.
47:06So, you see, I can forgive him,
47:07because I know that she'd never even dream of it.
47:15It's weird.
47:16I can't remember a thing about last night.
47:20I did have some pretty weird dreams, though.
47:23Yeah?
47:24Yeah.
47:26You were in one of them.
47:28What was I doing?
47:31Oh, that's my little secret.
47:37So, are you going to tell me what a canker is?
47:39If you'll tell me all about anti-barnacle paint.
47:42Thank you, Wyvern.
47:44The place is mine again.
47:46I knew I could rely on you.
47:47Oh, don't thank me.
47:48It was all Marty's work.
47:50Come on, Marty.
47:52I'll explain it all on the way home.
47:55Wait a minute.
47:59Wait a minute.
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