- 3 hours ago
First broadcast 31st January 2014.
More of the best bits from Series K.
More of the best bits from Series K.
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00Good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome to Q-Eight.
00:04What does encyclopedia mean?
00:06Because it sounds like a kiddie fiddler on a bike.
00:18It's very tricky, I grant you.
00:20Could get an idiot into trouble.
00:25That's inside.
00:27I didn't agree with that in that way.
00:30You know what, you're laughing at me.
00:33The entry for woman in the original version, the encyclopedia pretendica, just says,
00:36the female of man, see homo.
00:41He will tell you everything you need to know.
00:44Because he's their best friend.
00:49In the 1960s, in America, called Dr. Harvey Einbinder, who so hated the encyclopedia pretendica,
00:54he wrote a book, exactly, he wrote a book where he listed all the things that were wrong in it.
00:58It was 390 pages long.
01:00Oh, I like the sound of Ted.
01:01The myth of Britannica.
01:02What's his name?
01:03Harvey Einbinder.
01:06Does he only have one binder?
01:08We meet at last, Mr. Einbinder.
01:11He's a massive binder.
01:15Don't touch my binder!
01:17Maybe that's why he hated it.
01:18This is the binder you seek.
01:20Yes, you seek to be pretending that it's 52 binders, and I only...
01:24Einbinder!
01:26You might have pronounced it Einbinder, for all I know.
01:29Einbinder!
01:32Now, how was it composed?
01:34Who wrote the entries and articles?
01:37People on the internet.
01:38No, no.
01:40Sorry.
01:41That's your wiki, your wikidpedia.
01:43Group of homos.
01:44No, it wasn't a group of homos.
01:46Well, if you ask a homo about everything, obviously, they are.
01:51I see what you mean.
01:53I see where you're coming from.
01:54No, it was experts in their chosen field.
01:56Prince Edward.
01:57So, no, in that day, contributors have included Sigmund Freud.
02:01Katie Price.
02:02Sigmund Freud.
02:03That would be now.
02:04But in the past, it included Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein, Leon Trotsky, Harry Houdini.
02:10I only know three of those people.
02:12And strangely, no women there at all.
02:15Is that because they were all off seeking homos?
02:19Are you truly sorry?
02:20I apologise.
02:21I didn't do the picture research for this particular item.
02:25And if I'd found...
02:26That's what we're used to, Dave Warris.
02:27Maybe someone must have written about baking in the...
02:30Oh!
02:31Oh!
02:33Oh!
02:34Oh!
02:34Oh!
02:35I don't know if there's points given for bravery, but I think there's a certain...
02:39I think there's a certain...
02:40I have to respect that slightly, just in terms of...
02:44I'm hiding in plain sight, Timmy.
02:46And maybe, I'd like to think Marie Curie had been asked to do one on radiation, for example.
02:56Oh!
02:57Oh!
03:00Oh!
03:01Oh!
03:02Oh!
03:03Oh!
03:05Oh!
03:09See, you don't know me well, Trevor, but I'm on the turn, I'm telling you.
03:13LAUGHTER
03:16APPLAUSE
03:20You've only got...
03:21You've only got Jason and Alan left to seduce, Trevor.
03:26I have to say...
03:26Alan is a cracking fella.
03:27We're all...
03:29LAUGHTER
03:31So, now, I want you to take one of those each, and tie yourselves together, as it were.
03:39This has gone quite dark.
03:41Yes.
03:41LAUGHTER
03:42Just me.
03:43It's like a party game in the 70s.
03:46LAUGHTER
03:46So, put each one of those around your wrist.
03:48No, no, don't undo it.
03:49Well, I can't get my hands through that.
03:52LAUGHTER
03:53LAUGHTER
03:54A little cock-crab, that is.
03:56LAUGHTER
03:57So, try, try, try, try with this one.
03:58Sure.
04:00Oh, you can give me that one back.
04:01It's more like it.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04Put your wrist through.
04:05LAUGHTER
04:07LAUGHTER
04:07That's it, and then do that, so that you're tied together.
04:10Yes.
04:11Is that right?
04:12Is that right?
04:12Yes.
04:12Yeah, without doing the knots, untied yourself.
04:15LAUGHTER
04:17LAUGHTER
04:17LAUGHTER
04:24Don't turn around, don't turn around.
04:28LAUGHTER
04:31LAUGHTER
04:31LAUGHTER
04:32LAUGHTER
04:36LAUGHTER
04:37LAUGHTER
04:37LAUGHTER
04:37LAUGHTER
04:38We've got through there.
04:39Yes!
04:40Yes!
04:40No!
04:41LAUGHTER
04:43Emphatically, no.
04:45LAUGHTER
04:49If I do a forward flip...
04:54LAUGHTER
04:54LAUGHTER
04:54Yeah.
04:55No!
04:56No!
04:57No!
05:00No!
05:01I'm...
05:01I'm good, I'm good.
05:03I'm good.
05:04I'm good.
05:05I'm good.
05:05I'm good.
05:05If I do a forward flip...
05:08LAUGHTER
05:09LAUGHTER
05:09Yeah.
05:11Right.
05:12Let's see if we can get back to it.
05:14LAUGHTER
05:15LAUGHTER
05:15Oh.
05:16Oh.
05:17I think technically you're now married.
05:20LAUGHTER
05:20LAUGHTER
05:21What?
05:23I'm coming down, I'm coming down.
05:25LAUGHTER
05:27LAUGHTER
05:27You two hold it for a second.
05:29And watch, cos I think Sue was on to something.
05:30Er, OK.
05:31This is what we did when we were regularly handcuffed together as children.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:36You mustn't untie the knot.
05:38All right.
05:40But...
05:42Ooh.
05:45Yay!
05:46APPLAUSE
05:48That sounds...
05:50Brilliant.
05:54So, moving on to self-knowledge.
05:56How do you know when you've had enough?
05:59Someone always tells me.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:01LAUGHTER
06:01It's literally...
06:03It's a tap on the shoulder, isn't it?
06:05Yeah.
06:05I think...
06:06Jimmy...
06:06Jimmy...
06:06It's the cold steel round both wrists.
06:10LAUGHTER
06:11And the clanging of the door.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:13And the one phone call.
06:15LAUGHTER
06:16One phone call.
06:16I've had enough.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:19LAUGHTER
06:20Who am I speaking to?
06:22LAUGHTER
06:24LAUGHTER
06:24LAUGHTER
06:24LAUGHTER
06:25LAUGHTER
06:27This is...
06:28Ooh, this is exciting.
06:30This is a remarkable substance.
06:32It's called polyethylene oxide.
06:35And it's very gloopy.
06:37And also, it reacts rather excitedly under ultraviolet light.
06:40And Alan and Victoria have got ultraviolet torches.
06:43And you can point them at it.
06:44And I think we might have some ultraviolet light in this studio.
06:46Shall I point them now, sir?
06:47Yes, please do.
06:49Ooh, look.
06:49See?
06:51Ooh!
06:52LAUGHTER
06:52Now, what I'm going to try and do...
06:54I'm going to stand up to do this.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56It's a very remarkable effect.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:00The effect is when you pour it, if I get it at the right angle,
07:03it pulls itself out of the flask and into here.
07:07It flows uphill and out and down again.
07:10All right.
07:12There we go.
07:13It's pulling itself up.
07:14It's pulling itself up.
07:15You see what I mean?
07:15It's pulling itself up from the bottom.
07:16If you look at the top one...
07:17Oh, wow.
07:18It's actually flowing uphill there.
07:19Did you see that?
07:20Wow.
07:21And then it thins out into a little trail of snot.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:24I'll try this again.
07:25LAUGHTER
07:26It's like when you have a wee after Barocco, isn't it?
07:29LAUGHTER
07:29It is!
07:31LAUGHTER
07:33LAUGHTER
07:34That's exactly what it's like.
07:36Oh, goodness.
07:37It's so disgusting.
07:38Polyethylene oxide.
07:40I don't know what else...
07:41What's it useful?
07:41It's a very good masturbatory lubricant.
07:44LAUGHTER
07:47Particularly in the dark.
07:48LAUGHTER
07:50LAUGHTER
07:56All right, exciting.
07:57It's really awkward getting two friends to hold the torch, though.
08:00LAUGHTER
08:02Yeah.
08:03There we go.
08:11I'm sorry to keep you still.
08:12How hard is it to be a nude model?
08:17LAUGHTER
08:20LAUGHTER
08:22Don't you remember that?
08:24LAUGHTER
08:27Oh, that was a good night.
08:29It's the woman second from the left who seems to be most enjoying the view.
08:34LAUGHTER
08:35One of the orange scarf.
08:37LAUGHTER
08:37Were you...
08:38She's going to need a bigger pad than that.
08:41LAUGHTER
08:43LAUGHTER
08:43They're all just drawing sections of you, aren't they?
08:46LAUGHTER
08:47I'll do the helmet.
08:50Were you being funny there, or...?
08:52I think it's not real.
08:53Oh, it's not real!
08:56LAUGHTER
08:57I got this little test of you.
08:58Here we are.
08:59Right.
09:00And, with any luck, the audience might have some bubble wrap, too.
09:03They're waving their bubble wrap.
09:04Thank you, audience.
09:05Do not pop it.
09:06This is a really important exercise.
09:08What do you mean, don't pop it?
09:09Don't pop it.
09:10Do not...
09:11No.
09:12No.
09:13No.
09:13This is really...
09:15Why?
09:15OK, OK.
09:15This is a test of your worthiness.
09:17Don't pop it.
09:18Yet.
09:18One of mine's already popped.
09:19I didn't do it.
09:20No, no, that's all right.
09:21As long as you do.
09:21Because in 2013, a group of Yale psychologists, they found another use for bubble wrap, which
09:27was to measure aggression.
09:29All right?
09:30They showed pictures of cute animals.
09:33All right?
09:34And were...
09:35No!
09:35No, no, no.
09:36Wait, wait, wait.
09:37Oh, shit!
09:39People were told to pop bubble wrap as they watched.
09:43They thought that it was a test for their motor activity and memory.
09:46In fact, it was a test for what's called cute aggression.
09:50If you see something very cute, you start popping more and more.
09:53Not because they wanted to hurt the animals, but because they were frustrated at not being
09:57able to touch them and cuddle them.
09:59And this is called cute aggression.
10:01It's when you kind of go, oh, like that.
10:04So, audience, hold your bubble wrap.
10:06We're going to show you some very cute animals.
10:08And it's all up to you.
10:10Okay.
10:10Let's start with the cuteness.
10:13Oh, dear.
10:14That's not...
10:15Come on.
10:15That's not that cute.
10:18It's not that cute.
10:19It's kind of dead.
10:20He's not that cute.
10:20Yeah, I think he's been shot.
10:26Oh, the blue, I knew.
10:28Not that cute.
10:29Not worth a pop.
10:31Oh, my God.
10:35Oh, my God.
10:37Yeah, that's getting cut off the top.
10:39Look at his little eyes.
10:41I'm not done yet.
10:42I want a dog, and then I'm going to pop my load.
10:46That's the first time I've heard that phrase.
10:48That's the last one.
10:52That's the last one.
10:54That's not cute.
10:57Now, how can you knock a building down with a feather?
11:02Like the shard, for example.
11:03You could knock it down.
11:04I could knock it down, if I prepared things correctly, with a whisk of a feather.
11:09Very, very...
11:09Not using any electronics.
11:10Very, very large feather.
11:11No, using...
11:12I've actually got the feather here that I'm going to use.
11:14It's nice and pink, so it stands out.
11:16That would be the feather I'd use.
11:18Do you...
11:18Do you tickle the architect while he's doing...
11:22So that they're all off?
11:24Like that.
11:26And then they make it go.
11:27It didn't work.
11:27Stephen was tickling him with a feather.
11:30Coming thought.
11:31But no, this is the existing standing shard.
11:34And you could reduce that to rubble with a feather.
11:37Yeah.
11:38Shall I show you?
11:39I'll show you the principle.
11:41This is my little template to show me where I have to go.
11:43See, I've got them down.
11:45Here, and here's my big...
11:46Oh!
11:47It might be blown!
11:49Oops!
11:49There we go.
11:52Now, what we've got here is, in varying sizes, kind of dominoes.
11:56You can see.
11:57And the idea is that each one is just one and a half times bigger than the one before it.
12:03It's all right.
12:04And it may seem like a very little amount.
12:06But what we're going to do is make a really loud bang with this.
12:09Is that meant to be like the shards?
12:11Dominoes.
12:11It's the domino effect.
12:12You aim this at the shards.
12:14And you'd only need 24 of these.
12:16Each one just one and a half times bigger than the one before it.
12:20That's the point.
12:22You'd only need 24 and the last one would utterly destroy it.
12:26Really?
12:26It's the exponential increase of mass just by going one and a half times bigger.
12:32It's all right.
12:33It can only fall...
12:35Yeah.
12:37I've got a splinter off my broom now.
12:41Careful, careful.
12:42Here we go.
12:42We've just made the security services job that much more harder.
12:46You can bring down the shards.
12:48Here we go.
12:49So, you imagine...
12:50IJ aircraft anymore.
12:51We're going to...
12:52QI's giving it away.
12:53So, you imagine this increasing up to just 24.
12:58And you'd start with one movement of a feather and all the potential energy stored in these
13:03and all the mass of them are like that.
13:04And you'd just have that effect like, whoa.
13:08Wow!
13:09There you go.
13:12That's pretty good, isn't it?
13:13That's brilliant.
13:15The reason you said to everyone from the Australian National University suggests
13:18that good-looking men earn 22% more than not good-looking men.
13:23Because they're attractive or because they're from Australia?
13:26Yes.
13:26No, no.
13:27Within Australia.
13:28All Australian, within Australia.
13:30Right.
13:30The 22 better-looking percentage.
13:32A study of female golfers also found that they were better.
13:36They shot lower scores.
13:38And the theory is that they were more likely to have offers of sponsorship
13:43and therefore just played that much harder knowing how much money they would make.
13:47But surely it's about confidence as well.
13:48If you look in the mirror and you think, wow, I'm a dish.
13:51Then you get out there and I can play golf.
13:54Yeah, I suppose that's right.
13:55But if you look in the mirror and weep.
13:57And think what a...
13:59Well, I look in the mirror and I like it.
14:01Yeah.
14:01And so you bloody well should.
14:03I don't.
14:03I never look in a mirror and my partner's much taller than me and she'd put them all up.
14:06So I've never...
14:09I don't have mirrors.
14:10I have windows at street level and I just pretend I'm different people.
14:15I just walk past at the same time and go, looking good today.
14:21Let's get out to that meeting quick while I've got that nice suit on.
14:26I realise I'm wearing a bin bag.
14:27What?
14:28I...
14:29I...
14:30Now, we have a knick-knack exploding custard powder experiment.
14:34For something to explode, you need certain things.
14:37You need something to light.
14:39In this case, custard powder.
14:42You need something to light it with and you need oxygen.
14:45But you need a little bit more than that.
14:46Because if I try and light this custard powder, you will see...
14:51Pfft!
14:52Ha-ha!
14:54Ha-ha!
14:55Ha-ha!
14:56Nothing happens.
14:56The trick, custard powder!
14:57Ha-ha-ha!
14:58Ha-ha-ha!
14:58It doesn't...
14:59Ha-ha-ha!
15:00It doesn't...
15:02The whole point is nothing happens.
15:03Nothing would happen to that if custard would fall.
15:04Because...
15:05I bet Heston could make it burn.
15:07Ah.
15:07He couldn't in this state.
15:09No?
15:10What you need in order to get something like custard or any powder, even metallic powder,
15:15to burn and really burn, is one of these ordinary, everyday objects like this.
15:20Ha-ha-ha!
15:21Um, as you may see, I have a funnel.
15:25And, er, I have some safety glasses to save my beautiful eyelashes.
15:31Ha-ha-ha!
15:31And, er, I have a lighter.
15:34I miss Jacques Cousteau.
15:36Ha-ha-ha!
15:37And, er, I have a pump.
15:39I have a pump.
15:41Ha-ha-ha!
15:41And a pump that rather wants to fill in.
15:43Ha-ha-ha!
15:44So, I'm going to raise this here.
15:46Ha-ha-ha!
15:48Ha-ha-ha!
15:48Ha-ha-ha!
15:49Okay, now.
15:50Ha-ha-ha!
15:51What I'm going to do...
15:52I don't want to know what you're going to do.
15:54Ha-ha-ha-ha!
15:56What I'm going to do, is I'm going to pour the custard powder in this funnel.
16:02And I'm going to, er, I'm going to present a flame across it.
16:06Ha-ha-ha!
16:06Yes!
16:08Ha-ha-ha!
16:09Be afraid, be very afraid.
16:10Can I use Adam as a human shield?
16:12No, you're you!
16:12You're a shield!
16:13You're a shield!
16:14Ha-ha-ha!
16:16Ha-ha-ha!
16:18Ha-ha-ha!
16:19Oh, my God!
16:20There's flame.
16:21There's custard powder in there.
16:23I feel the need!
16:24The need for speed!
16:26Ha-ha-ha!
16:27All I need to do...
16:28Where are you going?
16:29Where the fuck are you?
16:30Ha-ha-ha!
16:31I'm going to the pump!
16:33I'm just going to the pump, because I'm going to pump...
16:37We are no nearer than you!
16:38Can you see what I'm going to do?
16:40I'm pumping air...
16:41There's just too many double entendres, you pumping custard!
16:44Ha-ha-ha!
16:46Stop it!
16:47Are you ready for me to pump the custard?
16:49Oh, my God!
16:50Thank you!
16:52Ha-ha-ha!
16:55Ha-ha-ha!
16:56Ha-ha-ha!
16:58Ha-ha-ha!
16:59Ha-ha-ha!
17:14Oh, my God!
17:20Oh, my God!
17:21Oh, my God!
17:21Oh, my God!
17:22Oh, yeah, actually!
17:24Oh, my God!
17:25Oh, my God!
17:26Oh, my God!
17:26I've been sitting there!
17:27I could have been igno-
17:28I could have been igno-
17:29Ha-ha-ha!
17:30You could have been covered in hot custard!
17:34Ha-ha-ha!
17:34Ha-ha-ha!
17:35Ha-ha-ha!
17:37Nobody knows what colour petrol is.
17:39Right, exactly.
17:40Because it goes into your car and see it.
17:42Yeah, that's right.
17:42They used to need colour.
17:43He's no one has ever checked.
17:45Nobody's ever gone,
17:46what colour this is?
17:46Ha-ha-ha!
17:47They used to have pink or-
17:48It's the exact same.
17:49Pink or blue diesel, didn't they?
17:50Yeah, red diesel.
17:51Yeah, she's not allowed to put in your car,
17:53and I don't.
17:53Yeah.
17:54Quite right.
17:55Ha-ha-ha!
17:57Evading tax, Jeremy.
17:58It's a slippery slope.
17:59Ha-ha-ha!
18:00Ha-ha!
18:01Ha-ha!
18:02Ha-ha!
18:02Ha-ha!
18:04Ha-ha!
18:05Ha-ha!
18:07There's various people who are given the title
18:10of the last man to know everything there was to know.
18:12Yeah.
18:12Erasmus Leibniz von Humboldt.
18:14And this man here, Kierke, his name is.
18:16He was a German Jesuit, Athanasius Kierke.
18:19And he certainly was very interested in lots of things.
18:21He was lowered into Vesuvius.
18:23He believed the bubonic plague was caused by microbes,
18:26well ahead of germ theory.
18:28Claimed falsely to have interpreted Egyptian hieroglyphics.
18:31He regarded things like magnetism and love as branches of the same topic.
18:35Attraction.
18:36Oh.
18:36Which is a very QI way of looking at things.
18:37I like that.
18:38Yeah.
18:39Yeah.
18:39But the cats, though.
18:40What are the cats doing?
18:41What are the cats doing?
18:41Well, we'll come to that.
18:42Some things he got right.
18:43He denied the possibility of flying tortoises.
18:47I don't know if he'd raised the possibility, but he damn well squashed it.
18:51He said, nope, there won't be such a thing as a flying tortoise.
18:53But he did invent the megaphone and the cats and clavier.
18:59Clavier is, in fact, German for key from clavon, Latin key, but the keyboard instrument,
19:04the cat playing the piano.
19:05He invented YouTube.
19:08I'm afraid for cat lovers it's a little bit more disturbing than that.
19:11Oh, cat string, gut string.
19:13No, not cat gut.
19:14No, arranged live cats in the right order according to their voice.
19:18Oh, and you play.
19:18Drums.
19:19Oh, there you go.
19:22That's awesome.
19:25Oh, if only they had YouTube back then.
19:29The outrage on the keyboard.
19:31It's on the list, isn't it?
19:32It's on the list, yes.
19:35You've got to get one of those.
19:37The tails are fixed in place underneath hammers.
19:39When a key is pressed, the hammer hits.
19:41You can even get chords and, of course, there's dynamics.
19:44The harder you hit, the more of it.
19:47You don't necessarily have to be cruel.
19:48You could get the same mechanism but just have it sort of tickle the bollocks of a cat.
19:52It's like a cat.
19:54That's the point.
19:55For a trill.
19:56That's right.
19:57Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
19:59Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
20:01What do they think?
20:02Do you have an A cat and a B cat and a C cat?
20:05I guess it's fantastic.
20:06But there are only six cats and there are more than six keys, so.
20:10Well, that's true. That's a pretty limited range. It's very, um, experimental music. Experimental music.
20:15All the other keys hit mice inside the box.
20:19Look at this. So, I've got this.
20:23Oh! This was panic!
20:25Yeah, absolutely.
20:26OK, now, it's going to be quite a violent reaction to this, as I'm sure you've all seen dry ice,
20:31as they call it, going into it.
20:32And I've got here, this is sort of bubble, you know, bubbles and flow bubbles.
20:36So what we're trying to do is make little, little smoky bubbles.
20:38It's sort of Christmasy effect.
20:40Yeah, I've got to get the lid on in time.
20:42Oh!
20:45Woo!
20:47Woo!
20:47Get down there!
20:47Woo!
20:48Hey, yay!
20:49Wow!
20:50Surprise!
20:51Woo!
20:51Get the leg on!
20:52Woo!
20:53Get the leg on!
20:55Woo!
20:55Woo!
20:55Woo!
20:57Ladies on!
20:57Ladies on!
20:58It's going everywhere!
21:02Woo!
21:03Woo!
21:04Woo!
21:06Oh!
21:06There's one, look, big one!
21:08And pop it!
21:09Woo!
21:10Bing!
21:10Oh!
21:11Smoky bubble!
21:12Oh!
21:13Smoky bubble!
21:14Oh!
21:14Smoky bubble!
21:15Oh!
21:16Oh!
21:19There we are.
21:20Whoa!
21:21What?
21:23I've gone completely...
21:25...reflective.
21:26Oh, there you are!
21:27Look at, you've made a bauble!
21:28Look at that!
21:30You've made a bauble, because your little experiment, invented by Mr. Tollens, is one
21:35of the things you used was silver nitrate, it's the same thing used in film photography,
21:39and that is silver!
21:41Wow!
21:41You've got this beautiful silver bauble that you've made, just by mixing those two chemicals.
21:45Can I just say, I've just seen myself, I didn't realise that I look like Last Christmas
21:49by Weight Watchers Wang!
21:54There's one man in micro-maltics we don't know, is Yasuhiro Kubo, and he's a Japanese
21:59skydiver who jumps out of a plane without a parachute, and then collects it from a partner
22:04on the way down.
22:05And we don't know he's micro-malt, because he's still alive, and it may be that he'll do
22:104,000 jumps, and then die.
22:13It's a good dumb show, you could see, if you see them falling, and then he goes over to
22:18the boat who gets the parachute, and you see the boat go,
22:20Oh!
22:22I knew there was something!
22:32Oh, that is so distressing, anyway.
22:36But I'll show you this little thing here.
22:40What's strange about this is that I can spin it one way, but not the other.
22:43If I spin it anti-clockwise, it goes very happily anti-clockwise.
22:46But if I try and spin it clockwise, it not only will resist, it will stop and spin anti-clockwise.
22:51As you'll see, so I'm now going to try and spin it clockwise.
22:54Because of the shape?
22:55The particular shape?
22:55Well, that obviously is the reason, yes.
22:57Yeah.
22:58Messing with its...
22:59You're twisting its melons, man.
23:00And it goes round again.
23:01Yeah.
23:01So, and then round and round and round again.
23:05That's extraordinary, isn't it?
23:07I know, it is very mysterious.
23:09You've got to have the right flick of the wrist, which you're clearly very good at, Stephen.
23:14What if you did a murder with your reflex?
23:18It does happen.
23:18If someone sort of attacked your knee, and in reflex, you had a knife attached to your shoe or something.
23:24You killed them.
23:24Would you be able to say, ah, but the reflex, it didn't go to my brain.
23:28It only went to the bottom of my spine, so I didn't really do it.
23:31Yes.
23:32I thought you were driving.
23:33You have an automated response.
23:34It's called, like, murder by automaton, but you don't go to prison.
23:37So, if you sneeze, for instance, and then you run someone over...
23:39Someone sneezed!
23:40Yeah!
23:42Talk about a reflex!
23:44That means there's been...
23:45There's a killer!
23:47There's a killer!
23:48Just murdered someone!
23:50Now they know they'll get away with it!
23:52Wow!
23:53It's something like, walk into a room with a gun, cocked, sneeze, it goes off, you kill someone, you're in
23:59the clear.
24:00So, if you want to kill your wife, what you do is you drive down to Dover, you get her
24:03right up against the cliff,
24:04and then you put your leg behind her, and then get a doctor to tap the knee.
24:08And there she goes.
24:09And the doctor would go to prison.
24:11That would act up.
24:12The doctor would go to prison.
24:13I think so.
24:14What if he was sneezing as he tap the knee?
24:17Yes!
24:18The perfect crime.
24:21That's four-church-series-two.
24:25What I'm going to do is I've got three bricks here.
24:27Ah!
24:29Ah!
24:30And it is the...
24:32Ah!
24:32It's like the first ever game of Jenga.
24:36It is.
24:37OK.
24:39Oh, God.
24:40I have to focus my energy.
24:43I know it's all right, it sounds...
24:45But I have to focus.
24:46I have to go through.
24:48I have to...
24:49Oh, God.
24:50I'm so nervous now.
24:53Oh!
24:53Oh!
24:55Oh!
24:59Oh!
25:01Ah!
25:01Give me that hold.
25:04That's why I've got more.
25:07OK.
25:08But...
25:08Even more.
25:09Oh, I've got another one.
25:11Another one here, and this time...
25:13In theory...
25:14You're going to do it with your penis.
25:16LAUGHTER
25:17In theory here...
25:19Ow.
25:23So choose top, middle or bottom.
25:26Middle.
25:27Oh, no.
25:29OK.
25:29I'll try and break just the middle, then.
25:31I'll bet you Chuck Norris is crapping himself.
25:34LAUGHTER
25:34I'm going to try and break just the middle one.
25:36Again, this takes extreme focus and extreme pain.
25:42Go through it.
25:45I just don't want to do this.
25:46I don't want to do it again.
25:48Oh!
25:50Oh!
25:53Oh!
25:55Oh!
25:55That is a good one.
25:57Oh!
25:58Thank you very much, Steve.
26:04Yeah, it's...
26:05Look, it's done that, you see?
26:07LAUGHTER
26:09Some medieval torture.
26:11Yeah, this is what they've put round royal dogs,
26:14on top of nibbling their stitches.
26:15Imagine the crown mate.
26:18LAUGHTER
26:19Has your head lost weight?
26:20It has, yes.
26:22LAUGHTER
26:22He's lost even more hair than when we started.
26:24That's right.
26:25Yes, I do apologise.
26:27It's just...
26:28You're welcome to take it off.
26:30LAUGHTER
26:30We're going to need to be a king.
26:32Or you can abdicate.
26:35LAUGHTER
26:35No, that's going to hurt.
26:37That wasn't my two-year-old tailor closure.
26:39No, try and get it down the other way.
26:41Try and get it down the other way.
26:43LAUGHTER
26:43Shall I try and go through it?
26:44Yeah, try and go through it.
26:45I think this is...
26:46LAUGHTER
26:48Come on, Bill.
26:53LAUGHTER
26:53LAUGHTER
26:55And that's the last we ever saw of him.
26:57That's not a good look.
26:58That's not a good look.
27:00I was thinking of Zoidberg from Futurama.
27:04LAUGHTER
27:04You honestly look fine.
27:05You look fine.
27:06It's a good look.
27:08It's a good look.
27:10LAUGHTER
27:10I'm going to wear...
27:11I'm going to put this as my passport photo.
27:14LAUGHTER
27:15What do you do?
27:16I'm a fighting king.
27:17What do you want?
27:18LAUGHTER
27:20And now it's time for one of my knick-knacks.
27:22Crikey!
27:23How did that get there?
27:25LAUGHTER
27:35I'm going to demonstrate to you how a chain reaction takes place.
27:41Imagine these are little atoms.
27:42And what I have is a series of mousetra...
27:47Oh!
27:48Mousetraps.
27:49Used for, obviously, killing mice.
27:52LAUGHTER
27:53And, uh...
27:54Unfortunately, no mice will be harmed in this experiment.
27:56All you will see is the spectacular sight
27:59of random and explosive chain reaction
28:02caused by one atom touching another, which are all...
28:06Ball number 16, the eighth appearance this year.
28:09LAUGHTER
28:10So, are you ready?
28:11Yes!
28:12Here we go.
28:17APPLAUSE
28:28Good night!
28:29APPLAUSE
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