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00:08That was Billy Joel, the last of this week's musical,
00:11Billy's, after Ocean Idol, Ray Cyrus and Piper.
00:15Next week, we'll turn to Bob's,
00:17with Marley, Galdoff, Dylan, Sega,
00:19and the build of the time is 11.02.
00:21And we have had a lovely picture been sent in from Jack,
00:24who is 10, and he says,
00:26Hi, Alan, we've been doing a project about the abolition of slavery,
00:29and it inspired me to do a painting of you set in that time.
00:33There it is.
00:34Yeah, the trouble is I'm more likely to have been a slave owner.
00:38That's the tragedy, although I like to think I'd be one of the good ones
00:40who'd give them an extended break.
00:42Or a glass of water.
00:43Yeah, absolutely, on request, but absolutely.
00:47Maybe keep some of them on under your employ after abolition.
00:51Yes, of course, if they wanted to.
00:53I'll have to do the sums, but, yeah,
00:56I mean, the thing is, of course, they're, you know...
00:59Then they start asking for sanitation.
01:01Next thing you know, they're getting organised.
01:03Before you know it, they're wanting days off because they're depressed.
01:06So, you know, not quite as simple as it seems.
01:09Later, we will be joined by a group of enterprising children
01:12who are taking their campaign to save their school playing fields
01:15all the way to Downing Street.
01:16But first, though, Burke of the Week.
01:19Burke of the Week.
01:20Absolutely.
01:22You're an idiot.
01:24It had been earmarked once again for Nigel Bevan,
01:27Head of Planning at Norwich City Council,
01:29but this week, the Burke of the Week, is Alan Partridge.
01:34Well, just this week.
01:35You Burke.
01:37I'd just taken a few people for granted
01:39and acted like a Burke, to be fair.
01:43And just wanted to say soz.
01:45No, it's just a full sorry, actually, so...
01:49What's that all about?
01:51Is everything all right?
01:52Eh?
01:53Your eyes are a bit red.
01:54Yeah, your hair's a bit red.
01:56Zinger!
01:57It's just that Angela's not been in.
01:59I wanted to do everything...
02:00Forget about it!
02:05Patients are being put at risk
02:07because some health care assistants are working
02:09without proper training or supervision.
02:11Those are the findings of a new BBC...
02:13I think I went to the new... a new adobe.
02:15Listen.
02:19Alan, message from Angela.
02:21She wants the keys for the caravan.
02:23Is she here?
02:25No, she phoned.
02:26Er, er, yeah, she'll tell her I'll give them to her later.
02:29She said, can you leave them on the kitchen table?
02:31Why is she asking you to tell me?
02:33And she'd rather you weren't there when she picked them up.
02:36What? That's ridiculous.
02:38She just said to tell you.
02:40We fucking love each other.
02:42Will you talk to her?
02:43What? What?
02:45Just...
02:45She's not been right since she's been on this gluten-free diet, you know.
02:49There's only a few texts.
02:50What was a few texts?
02:56Do you remember that works trip to the swimming pool
02:59when I started chatting to... to Melanie, the PA?
03:02Oh, your pool gloves?
03:03Yeah.
03:04Well, anyway, on the way home,
03:06she sent me a picture of her in her dressing gown
03:09with a lapel-a-jar.
03:10Oh, bum.
03:10And I just texted back,
03:12I'd like to play your bum like the bongos,
03:14and she showed it to Angela.
03:17Ooh.
03:18We'll be back in 30 minutes.
03:21Thanks, Chris.
03:25I, um...
03:26Today's phone-in is...
03:27No, I want to play a dedication.
03:29I won't say who it's for,
03:31but let's just say,
03:33life's a bit crummy without you.
03:35Love you loads,
03:36and, yeah, basically, you complete me.
03:39Everybody needs a little time away
03:42Everyone needs that, and that's fine.
03:44I heard it say
03:45You yelled it
03:47From each other
03:50Which sounds worrying, but it's not.
03:53Even lovers need a holiday
03:55Same point again, but I think he means abroad.
03:59Far away
04:00From each other
04:05Oh, man
04:07Oh, I wish I could
04:08It's hard for me to say I'm sorry
04:11And this is the key point
04:12I just want you to stay
04:19After all that we've been through
04:22I will make it up to you
04:26I promise to
04:32After all that's been said and done
04:37You're just a part of me
04:40I can't let go
04:52Angela, where are you?
04:55God looks good to hear your voice
04:57What?
04:58I don't know why I said that
04:59I wasn't going to literally play a bum like the bongos
05:03It wouldn't even work
05:04If you want that effect
05:05you'd be better off clapping your hands
05:07That backside's got too much gear
05:09It was a raunchy joke that got out of hand
05:13Don't do this, Angela
05:15Our love is stronger than carbon fibre
05:19Please
05:20Please, though
05:21Please
05:23Please, though
05:25Please
05:25Please, though
05:28Please, please, though, Angela
05:31Angela, if you dump me now
05:32I'll never speak to you again
05:33In fact, I'm going to dump you first
05:34Never call me again
05:39Yeah
05:41Okay, thanks, Gustav
05:43Okay, Gustav
05:44Yeah
05:45Okay, catch you later
05:47Ciao
05:48Just chatting to Gustav
05:49Is he all right?
05:50Yeah, he's just some genuine friend of mine
05:55Hello, Angela
05:59Angela
06:00If, if, if, if you want to take the caravan
06:03Please do so
06:05If you find caravan ownership fulfilling
06:09Then please, Christ Almighty
06:11Take the caravan
06:15Yeah, sure
06:15I'll take the dog, too
06:16Why, why don't you, yeah
06:18I don't know
06:19Must have, er, gone for a walk
06:21On his own
06:23Maybe he's gone to the cinema
06:25Think, you think what you like
06:26All right, well, fine
06:27Yeah, well, I'll see you in Battersoo Dogs Court
06:30Oh, by the way
06:31I wasn't going to tell you this
06:31But, erm
06:32You know your new business venture?
06:34Yeah, everyone thinks it's shit
06:35Including your sister
06:36Bye
06:51You all right, Alan?
06:55Yeah
06:55Yeah, yeah, I'm glad to see the back of her
06:57To be honest with you
06:58Right
06:58Yeah, I mean, she started tutting
07:00During Coast
07:02And, er, you know when that happens
07:03There's something fundamentally wrong
07:04With your relationship
07:06But now she wants the dog
07:07Yeah, she can want her arse off
07:09Freddy's staying with me
07:10Yeah
07:10In fact, er, only the other night
07:13I was taking him out in the garden
07:14For a pedal
07:15And he looked up at me
07:16As if to say
07:19You're, you're better than this, Alan
07:20And, er, whatever happens
07:22Erm
07:25I will always be your friend
07:29Really?
07:31Yeah
07:31Yeah
07:33Bet you wanted to hug him
07:37Ah, yeah
07:38Well, when I turned round
07:39He was, er, over by the bins
07:40Eating some pâté
07:41Pâté
07:48You're listening to
07:49North Norfolk Digital
07:51North, North Norfolk's best music mix
07:53And we have got a text here from Ruth
07:56Who says she's a bit down
07:58She is awaiting the results of a scan
08:01Oh, don't be down, Ruth
08:03You've got to be glass half full
08:05I mean, I'm always glass half full
08:07Yes, amen to that
08:09Yeah, whenever I'm down
08:11I think about all the good things in my life
08:13Erm, I don't have a mortgage
08:15Got two cars
08:16Fairly fit
08:17I can swim well
08:18Er, I was 12 years a slave
08:20Thank you very much
08:22But, er, now I'm
08:23Now, now you're, er, Jan Gallen Unchained
08:25Oh, thank you
08:26A free man
08:27Indeed
08:28So, you know, Ruth
08:29Just, er, erm, cheer up
08:42What's it like to have love
08:46And to lose that much
08:51What's it like to have love
08:54And to lose that much
08:59Well, I hope when I pray
09:01That maybe someday
09:03You walk in the room with my heart
09:08Add and subtract
09:09But as a matter of fact
09:11Now that you're gone
09:13I still want you back
09:17Remembering
09:19Remembering
09:21Remembering their hearts
09:23All of my heart
09:30OK, that was Funky Gibbon by the Goodies
09:33To show that we are not averse to a little bit of anarchy
09:36Here, having it large with my crew
09:38Erm, but, er, no, seriously
09:40It's great to have you all here
09:41Please say hello
09:42Hello
09:42Hello
09:47But, no, it's, er, it's a bit of a jam in here
09:49But I'm sure we're breaching all manner of fire regs
09:51But, er, who gives a flip
09:52I'm joined by a bevy of, er, teenagers from North Walsham Comp
09:56Who took, they've taken their campaign to save the school playing fields
09:59And dumped it on the doorstep of the PM
10:00I'm liking it a lot
10:02OK, listening to M, M, ow
10:05OK, who's the, who's the class clown
10:06Who's the class clown
10:07One
10:08All right, yeah, all right
10:09Give me some skin
10:11Excellent
10:11Er, no, it's absolutely fine
10:13I mean, no, we had a class clown
10:14Er, his name was Brian Golding
10:15A real live wire
10:16A real nutcase
10:17Er, took his own life a few years ago
10:19Which is kind of sad
10:20But, er, no, real character
10:21Yeah
10:21Anyway, er, by the way
10:23If anyone wants any Annie Lennox, er, cassettes
10:26I'm, I'm good for it
10:27Erm
10:28What am I talking about?
10:29You're Robbie Williams, right?
10:31Who?
10:31So, anyway, Lisa
10:32Er, to you
10:34Now, tell us about the campaign
10:36Because a lot of kids get in the neck
10:38From some of the squares out there
10:39Er, but you guys are pretty diff
10:42Well, we all got a letter during Christmas
10:44Yeah
10:44And we was told that the playing fields are going to be sold
10:47OK, well, so just, I'm going to stop you there
10:48I had an email from Norwich Fire Service saying
10:51Er, a couple of you need to leave
10:53Er, because we're over, over the limit here
10:55Er, all face criminal proceedings
10:56So I need a couple of volunteers
10:57Me?
10:58Er, yeah, great, OK
10:59You too, absolutely, thanks
11:00Thank you very much
11:01OK, that's, that's that dealt with
11:02Can I go too?
11:03Er, yeah, sure
11:03Me, thanks
11:04Er, yeah, OK, fine
11:05Right
11:06Bye
11:07Thanks
11:07Oh, watch yourself
11:08That's that dealt with
11:09Bye
11:10OK
11:10Thank you, bye
11:11Erm, I've got to say
11:12Er, right behind your campaign, though
11:14I really
11:15Go too?
11:16No, you can't
11:17That's enough, love
11:17Erm, it's, it, it, it's
11:19Er, you know, I'm a big fan of, er, you know
11:21Playing fields in general
11:23Playing fields or
11:24Or even if it's just, you know
11:25Greenbelt land in general
11:27I was a greenbelt
11:28Blackbelt could kick your ass any day
11:30OK, right
11:30Well, no, no, I mean, no
11:32I'm talking about, I'm talking about countryside
11:33You know, I'm like you guys
11:34Like to kick back
11:34Get a bunch of CDs
11:35Chuck them in a holdall
11:37Oomph, in the car
11:38Bang, countryside
11:39Meh
11:39All right, who did that?
11:41Is that you?
11:42Yep
11:42What's that supposed to mean?
11:43That you shagged sheep
11:45No, that's good
11:46I don't have any for that, mate
11:47Sorry
11:49That's all right, that's cool
11:49That's cool
11:50Didn't mean to insult your girlfriend
11:51Yeah, my girlfriend's not a sheep, you wally
11:54Shut up, Marv
11:55Shut up
11:55Yeah, shut up, Marv
11:59Um, you dick
12:00Calling me a sheep shagger
12:02You are one
12:02You think I'm a sheep shagger?
12:04Dunno, mate
12:04Yeah, what, I think maybe you're a sheep shagger
12:06Yeah, you're the one that keeps going on about it
12:08You probably keep sheep magazines under your bed
12:11Yeah?
12:12Yeah
12:12Yeah, probably keep pictures of sheep lying on their back in a pen
12:15You know, with the knickers off
12:16Yeah, you're the sheep shagger
12:17Yeah?
12:18I bet you kiss them
12:19I bet you, yeah
12:20Lie them down on the back
12:22Kiss them tenderly
12:23Stick your tongue in the mouth
12:24Swirl it round
12:25Yeah?
12:25Go
12:25Play with the teats
12:27Yeah, get it, you know
12:28Get behind it
12:28Strum them like a guitar
12:29Yeah?
12:31Grab fistfuls of fur
12:32Grab its horns like a bike
12:34Like a drop handlebars
12:35An eraser
12:35A grifter would be more of a yak
12:37Yeah?
12:38And you hold them afterwards
12:39And say
12:39You mean the world to me
12:41You know, spooning them
12:42With your hot balls
12:42Pushed up against its woolly back
12:44That's probably for me
12:46Oh, I'm really scared
12:48I am a bit
12:49Hello
12:50Hello, Craig
12:52Okay
12:52Yeah, I'll be in a minute
12:53Yeah, okay
12:55Okay
13:14That was Christoburg
13:15Which I always think is Irish
13:17For Chris the Burke
13:21And before that
13:22We played The Living Daylights
13:23By Scandinavian pop duo
13:25And I've always wanted to say this
13:27Ah-ha!
13:30Now, in today's show
13:31We have a caffeinated quandary for you
13:35We want to know
13:36Where you like to grab a coffee
13:37Sponsored by Costa
13:38Let us know, Norfolk
13:40North Norfolk
13:43Hello
13:43Good to see you there
13:44That's okay
13:45Yeah
13:45Caffeinated quandary
13:46That was lovely
13:48Yeah, it's just
13:48It got to ten o'clock
13:50And that's what I'd get
13:51So
13:52I'd just have to fill in
13:53I don't know whether you were
13:54Well, I'm here now
13:55Yes
13:56Permission to come aboard
13:57I like it
13:59Okay
14:00Excellent
14:00You're listening to
14:01North Norfolk Digital
14:02With Alan Partridge
14:03And sidekick Simon
14:04Apologies for my tardiness
14:06I'm afraid
14:06Much like a snowman's carrot nose
14:09I was held up by the snow
14:12Morning matters
14:13News
14:14News
14:14Morning matters
14:15Chris wanted to trim it
14:16He's only been stood in for a month
14:18He just felt it was more manageable
14:19Morning matters
14:20More manageable
14:21Mid-morning matters
14:22Much more manageable
14:23Morning matters
14:24Much more
14:25Yes, after a month away
14:27It would have taken more than a spot of snow
14:30To keep me away
14:31Bit hairy on the roads
14:32But genuinely
14:33Happy to be here
14:34Happy to do my bit
14:35For the station
14:36Wild horses wouldn't stop you
14:38Yeah, well
14:38I'd just walk around the back of them
14:40But keep away from the legs
14:41Get kicked in the head by a horse
14:43It'll break your face
14:45For some reason
14:45Horses don't like you
14:46Walking around the back of them
14:47And the Eterno was just the same
14:48North Norfolk Digital
14:49Of course itself
14:51Not immune to the effects of snow
14:52It's skeleton staff here today
14:53With all hands on deck
14:56Sounds like a Sinbad film
14:57I'm here with that
14:58Psychic Sinbad till 2pm
14:59Time for some music though
15:02Bernard Matthews used to breed his turkeys
15:04Without them
15:04This is wings
15:08Alan, I need a favour
15:10Sarah, I can't
15:13Hello, by the way
15:13Hello
15:14I can help you
15:15If I didn't think I could help you
15:17I'd fire myself
15:19I'd kill myself
15:20How?
15:22Run into the sea after a big meal
15:25No, how can you help me?
15:26Oh, right
15:27I don't know
15:27Well, how do you need help?
15:28Well, no one can get in
15:30Because of the snow
15:30So I need you to cover the afternoon shows
15:33Oh, definitely, definitely
15:34Yeah, I mean, I've got a doctor's appointment at 3
15:36But I'll just, er
15:37It's fine
15:37I'll hang it
15:38I'll just swim with the gloves on
15:39For a few more days
15:40Also, um, Jeanette's going to be putting the calls through
15:46Is she part of some sort of government programme?
15:50She's, she's doing her best
15:52But I know that Craig will really appreciate you getting in
15:55Oh, right
15:56So he knows I'm here?
15:57Yeah
15:58Well, good, great
15:59Say hi
16:00I know
16:01Actually, don't say anything
16:03No big deal
16:03Lovely deal
16:04Just, er, just so you know
16:05Alan's here
16:07Er, he smashed his wing mirror up
16:08But he came in anyway
16:10Okay
16:11I see, er, you know
16:12Just say whatever you, say whatever you like
16:13Whatever you like
16:14Yeah, yeah
16:14Er, but definitely that
16:17Alan's here, you know
16:18And then I smashed my wing mirror up
16:20Yeah
16:22I'll tell you what, Simon
16:23Being suspended was the best thing
16:25That ever happened to me
16:26Really
16:26I've got so many ideas
16:27Just pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop
16:29I've not been this excited, er, Simon
16:31Since, er, Eddie Shepard died
16:34And all the possibilities that opened up then
16:36Do you know that I'm, er, not going to be able to do the afternoon shows?
16:39No, no, no
16:39Have they not told you I've, my job interview?
16:42No
16:45No, fine
16:45That's fine, fine
16:46Welcome back to the show
16:48And, er, while your ears were being drenched in Malta McCartney
16:50Er, Alan, of a little skullduggery
16:53Oh, my God
16:54Er, word has reached me
16:56That's my sidekick
16:57Sidekick, Simon
16:57Is, er, is off for a job interview
16:59Which station, buddy?
17:01It's not, it's not a radio station
17:03It's a website, but
17:08It's a new venture
17:09Quite a young company
17:10And, er, they aggregate content
17:13And, er, they, er
17:16It's quite democratic there
17:17And everyone gets a free breakfast
17:19And they have big team meetings
17:21Where everyone can chip in
17:22And so everyone feels like they have
17:24Everyone feels like they have a steak in it
17:26Ooh, a lot of detail
17:27A lot of detail there
17:29Yeah
17:29Er, now, we do, er, wish you all the best
17:32Er, er, free breakfast
17:34It, er, amuses me what lures young people these days
17:37But, er, no, I understand you don't want to stick around with a bunch of dinosaurs like us
17:40I've got nothing against local radio
17:41Oh, no, no
17:42I'd love to be here
17:43I'd love to be here
17:43If I was you, I would absolutely want to be out there with the thrusting young, er, multimedia Turks
17:47And not here with the monomedia, er, er, fogies
17:52The only thing that's got a bright future with this station is nasal hair
18:12Do you not know the Heimlich manoeuvre?
18:14Yeah
18:15Wow
18:18So you don't mind me going to the interview?
18:19Well it's like when you used my catchphrase earlier
18:22I mean there was a time if you'd I'd caught you saying aha live on air
18:29before Angela left me
18:31yeah I would have taped over the security cameras
18:34kicked your car door in and anonymously sent a skip to your mum's house
18:38but we've seen things very differently since Meltdown Monday
18:42you must be familiar with that term
18:44and that was the one that was used on the internal memos
18:46Mental Monday
18:47Mental Monday, right, my mistake, sorry
18:49I'm not sure which is worse
18:50Meltdown Mountain, I'm cool with both, cool with both
18:52and you'll be alright, will ya?
18:55Got along before I met you
18:57gonna get along without you now
18:59I wonder if I got around the system
19:00Well look, it's been a pleasure
19:02and I feel like I've learnt tons being here
19:05so thanks for that
19:06and we've had some good times, haven't we?
19:08Look at our artists
19:09Remember when you rode that exercise bike?
19:13Skeeter Davis, of course it is
19:15Maybe see you in the, erm, see you at the Boxley Wheat Shea
19:19for the pub quiz
19:20Er, yeah
19:21Welcome back to a very wintry mid-morning matters
19:27a fascinating letter here about festive refuse collections
19:30pointing out that there should be extra collections
19:32on account of the extra waste
19:33and I say I think it's a fascinating subject
19:36we're having a great time
19:38this is what bananas wear in battle
19:41it's Bananarama
19:48The Beverly Bacton Show
19:50Take it easy from 2 till 4
19:52You're listening to Alan Partridge
19:53in for the snowbound Bev Bacton
19:56Time for you to tell us
19:58where you would like to grab a coffee
20:00sponsored by Costa
20:01Susan in Heading Fleet
20:05Susan?
20:09You need to press transfer
20:14Once again, our first caller is Susan in Heading Fleet
20:18Lovely Heading Fleet
20:19I, er, always think of it as a fleet of herring
20:22advancing towards the mainland
20:24like a, like a sort of fishy Luftwaffe, Susan
20:34Jeanette, you need to press transfer
20:41Susan from Heading Fleet
20:42where do you like to grab a coffee
20:43sponsored by Costa
20:46Actually, I just wanted to say
20:47it's good to have you back, Alan
20:49I don't know why they made you take time off
20:51No one made me
20:52I had a Lachlom and Watercolour break to go on
20:54Er, quick tip for you, Susan
20:57Don't take up watercolour painting
20:59It's just not very good
21:00Er, now though, time is the music
21:02He's got the voice of a rocker
21:04The face of a docker
21:05It's Joe Cocker
21:08In the absence of our regular news team
21:11The news read by Alan Partridge
21:13A body believed to be that of missing teacher Alan Weybridge
21:17has been found in Thetford Woodland
21:19by a man walking his dog
21:21Er, he finds a lot of bodies, this guy walking his dog
21:24If I was the police, I'd be wanting to talk to Rex
21:27and his mysterious owner
21:29And Norwich residents have expressed dismay
21:31after the newly opened library was vandalised by youths
21:35Er, if you ask me, that's Banksy's fault
21:37So, thanks Banksy
21:39Er, thanksy
21:40Er, easy
21:41And a quick announcement from the team here at North Norfolk Digital
21:44today sees the launch of new guidelines for on-air conduct
21:49following the temporary suspension of the disc jockey Alan Partridge
21:52What about Banksy, I mean
21:54You know, it starts with a picture of a couple of coppers
21:57I mean, a kiss, which makes you think about society
21:59Er, but it ends with the grotesque spectacle
22:02of a big willy daubed on the side of our motorway footbridge
22:07That's the news
22:09The robot time is one, five, colon, three, zero
22:13I'm Alan Partridge
22:14In for Dave Clifton
22:15Black time
22:16Come on, Norfolk
22:17Let's go home
22:18Let's hear where you enjoy a coffee sponsored by Costa
22:22London Yaksam
22:24I have a black coffee on the way to school
22:26How old are you?
22:28Five
22:29OK, does Mummy know you do this?
22:31Your Mummy or my Mummy?
22:33Your Mummy, obviously
22:34Where's Sidekick Simon?
22:36He's gone to work at a website that aggregates content
22:41Absolutely meaningless
22:42Are you sad or happy?
22:44Happy
22:44Thanks for your call
22:45Percy in Deptford
22:47I like to sit outside my ex-wife's home
22:51Hello?
22:55North Norfolk Digital
22:56North Norfolk's best music mix
22:59The phone system's down
23:03I can't get any callers
23:05Hello?
23:07Anyone?
23:10The brain of Carol Vorderman
23:12The body of Carol Vorderman
23:15The face of Julia Bradbury
23:20Hands Nanette Newman
23:22Legs Jessica Ennis
23:23Backside of a Strictly Come Dance
23:26Stitch it all together
23:27And Bob's your uncle
23:29Or you could call it Bob
23:30Also jotted down
23:32Traffic lights
23:33And I'm going to stick my neck out here
23:34And say that I think that
23:37Amber
23:38Is obsolete
23:40Because it stems from a period where
23:43Tonight today's
23:44Celebrity Big Head
23:45Did that
23:46Edmonds again
23:48Or did I?
23:50Was it Huntingford?
23:51I don't know why I'm asking you
23:54I'm not actually sure if anyone's listening
23:56I could be talking to myself
24:00Hello?
24:04Hello?
24:07Hello?
24:08Hello?
24:13It's rather eerie here
24:15Like the Marie Celeste
24:16The unmanned boat
24:18Found drifting at sea
24:20Which actually happened to Nick Knowles
24:22Once
24:23His garden backs onto the Thames
24:25And he found an unmanned pedalo
24:27In the reeds
24:27In the end he just
24:29Dragged it onto the lawn
24:31And sold it on eBay
24:33Some music
24:34Oh dear
24:35The cellist has just
24:37Bumped into the
24:39Whatever
24:40Orchestral manoeuvres in the dark
24:45So uh
24:46You didn't get the job
24:47No
24:48What happened?
24:50They found that I lied on my CV
24:52Oh
24:53Everyone lies on their CV
24:55Mate
24:56On my CV
24:57It says I've got a brown belt in Tudo
24:58I mean look at me
24:59Look at
25:00The only brown belt I've got
25:01Is a
25:02Is a free one from Timson's
25:04Because I've got so many shoes
25:06Rehealed
25:07It's just the way I walk
25:09And I mean that in every sense
25:10Of the way it means
25:11No cause
25:12No
25:14System's down
25:15Just needs rebooting
25:17Oh right okay
25:18Yeah no it's just uh
25:19Jeanette
25:19Jeanette's outside
25:20Building a snowman
25:21Oh good for her
25:22Good for her
25:23Yeah no the day we stop building snowmen
25:24Is the day
25:25The Nazis have won
25:27So what now?
25:28Grab that chair
25:29You ginger ages
25:30Yeah
25:34Look at me
25:35Look at me
25:37Forget about all those
25:38People
25:40You and I have got vision
25:42Real vision
25:43You know what we say matters
25:46What we say
25:47Rather like
25:48Mid morning
25:53Matters
25:54Matters
26:07Matters
26:07And why
26:09Lydia in dis
26:10What's your king and car
26:11Maybe Henry V could drive
26:13A René McGann
26:14Scenic
26:15You think he'd drive French
26:16After Agincourt
26:17Hello
26:17Bonjour
26:19Precisely
26:19Trevor in Reedham
26:21What's your king and car mate
26:22Another suggestion for Henry V
26:25It would be a Land Rover Defender
26:26Long wheelbase
26:27Specked up to the nines
26:28With Recaro front seats
26:29Okay
26:30Someone taking it seriously
26:31We could talk for hours of course
26:33About whether it would be
26:34Long or short wheelbase
26:34But basically a sound choice
26:36Samantha in Bordswell
26:38What's your king and car?
26:39Richard III
26:40And a Vauxhall Cascada Convertible
26:42Because it's available
26:43It's available on the motability scheme
26:45So it suits the disabled driver
26:46But he's a king
26:47He's a king
26:47He doesn't need that subsidy
26:49He would drive a prestige vehicle
26:51A Porsche
26:52A Porsche
26:52A Porsche
26:53My kingdom for a Porsche
26:54Love it
26:55Clap a hand
26:56Testify
26:56That is great banter
26:58It's not as good as it was
26:59But it's still very good
27:01And you know something else Simon?
27:03What?
27:03Knowing me Alan Partridge
27:05Knowing you Simon Denton
27:07Think at that
27:08Oh
27:14I saw
27:17I saw
27:18The second
27:20horse
27:23The horse
27:25The horse
27:25When he held
27:26the sword
27:31The leading
27:33horse is white
27:34The second
27:36horse is red
27:37The third
27:38One is black
27:40The last
27:41one is green
27:42The leading
27:44horse is white
27:45The second
27:46horse is red
27:48First one is a black, first one is a green
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