- 2 days ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:06And today's dedication comes from the Allsop family.
00:09They say, Alan, please can you play Bright Eyes by Art Garfunkel
00:13in memory of our beloved Isabel, who died earlier this week,
00:17aged just nine, oh, and is buried in the back garden.
00:23She's a dog. She's a dog.
00:25Sorry, it's quite confusing. It's the she.
00:27That is why animals should always be referred to as it.
00:31Yeah, I mean, absolutely, I couldn't agree more.
00:33I mean, can you even bury humans in your back garden?
00:35Fred West did.
00:36Oh, that man. What a Dilbert.
00:40You're listening to...
00:41Colossal Questions!
00:42...formally known as...
00:44Large Questions!
00:45We're talking bathroom routines and asking,
00:48in what order do you perform your ablutions?
00:51We've got a text in from Helen in this.
00:53She says, I go to the toilet straight away,
00:56get rid of it as quickly as possible,
00:57and then I can enjoy my wash once empty.
01:00Makes a hell of a lot of sense.
01:02Helen, I'm with you on that one.
01:03On the line, we have Donald in King's Lynn.
01:07Hi, Alan.
01:08I clean my teeth and shave
01:10while simultaneously going to the toilet
01:12in order to save time.
01:14And then wash afterwards?
01:16Yeah.
01:18Good.
01:19And Samuel in Yarmouth.
01:20I don't need a bath.
01:22I just crouch on a strong sink
01:23and then it's teeth, face, pits, hands, then backside.
01:27Neat.
01:28And here's a group who'd love a bit of face, hands and backside.
01:32It's the fine young cannibals.
01:35Mmm.
01:38Hello, you.
01:39We met once before, actually.
01:41I think it was at the...
01:42Are all your phone-ins like that?
01:45Yeah, we've got a range of topics,
01:46but that's the tone we aim for.
01:49Remarkable.
01:52Although that can have two meanings, can't it?
01:54Yes, it can, yeah.
01:55It's up to you to choose.
01:57Gold, gold.
01:58Save it, though.
01:58Save it.
02:00This is Midmore Matt,
02:02and I'm excited to say that I'm joined by a man
02:04for the more outspoken end of the speaking spectrum.
02:07He's here to promote his new book,
02:08The Irrascible, The Inimitable, The Incorrigible,
02:10Jasper Jones.
02:12You're often described as the attack dog of the anti-establishment,
02:16a kind of a lone wolf prowling the corridors of power.
02:20So I'm across between a wolf and a dog.
02:22Yeah.
02:23A dolf.
02:24Yeah, or a wog.
02:26Sorry, I take that back.
02:27Um, uh, Jasper is, um, very much, well, he's white.
02:33Now, uh, Jasper's here to promote his new book.
02:36Uh, it's called Free Speech.
02:38He's got his sort of devil's tail sticking out of his shoulder there
02:40and, uh, a couple of horns.
02:42Um, is that because people think you're a bit controversial?
02:45I presume so.
02:46Right, but you must have had approval.
02:48I did, yeah.
02:49Right.
02:50Um, and, uh, the sort of tape over his mouth, uh, there once again,
02:54um, presumably that's because, um,
02:55um, to stop your mouth talking because they'd like to shut you up.
02:59Oh, they would love to shut me up.
03:00They would, wouldn't they?
03:01Yes.
03:02Who are they, by the way?
03:04Well, uh, they're the naysayers.
03:06Right, that's okay.
03:07I didn't know.
03:08Okay.
03:10There's your vanilla frothy coffee, Mr. Partridge.
03:13Thank you, Angela.
03:16Come on, I've got to go back to the desk.
03:21Simon doesn't mind.
03:23Fuck it.
03:25I'll see you later.
03:27Not if I see you first.
03:30You drive me Barbie?
03:32Don't be silly.
03:42I'll tell you what, if I was a dog right now, I'd be chewing a slipper.
03:47Now, you want to sell lots of copies, don't you?
03:49Yeah, well, assuming the, um, placarded plebs don't run me out of town first.
03:54Yeah, I, uh, I used to dish out smackdowns to the fusspots.
03:57It's bog-standard, uh, naysaying from the usual crowd.
04:00If I could harness all that huffiness, I would start my own wind farm, I think.
04:04Ha-ha, that's good.
04:05You may have spoken over me there.
04:07I do love your withering, uh, uh, put-downs.
04:09You're sort of acerbic...
04:10Maybe it's, sorry, maybe your next book should be called Withering Sleight.
04:14That's good.
04:14Simon's a sort of regional equivalent of you.
04:17He sort of takes a wry sideways look at the week's news.
04:20Does he?
04:20Yeah.
04:21I mean, I can't do it the way he does it, or you do it.
04:24He sort of says things like, you know,
04:26no, I've heard of such and such, but this is ridiculous.
04:29Or, uh, you know, putting him in charge of X
04:32is like putting someone silly in charge of Y.
04:34And there's another one.
04:36Yeah, well, I mean, I'll just say,
04:37oh, if they're doing that today,
04:39then by tomorrow they'll be doing, you know, something daft.
04:42Yeah.
04:42Yeah.
04:43Yeah, lovely stuff.
04:44I mean, he's sort of Batman to my Robin.
04:46You wouldn't want Robin on his own, you know.
04:48If the people of Gotham were in trouble,
04:49they wouldn't call Robin, they'd throw the police.
04:51But, uh, Batman likes Robin, and I like Simon.
04:53Yes, well, he's certainly not the Joker.
04:55No, he's Robin.
04:59Yes, I'd like a compact excavator with a rotating platform and a knuckle boom.
05:04Yes, for the whole weekend.
05:07360, please.
05:09No, just the tilting bucket.
05:12Well, that's OK, I won't require the driver.
05:18I'll be operating it.
05:20I know.
05:21I know.
05:23No, I...
05:24I want to drive the digger.
05:27Yeah, I know.
05:28I'm aware of that.
05:29I'm just...
05:29I don't...
05:29Well, I...
05:30I know.
05:30I...
05:31I'm going to be spending this weekend driving a digger.
05:36Now, Jasper, I've got a confession.
05:38I used to keep your book in the downstairs toilet.
05:40Oh.
05:41I was about two chapters in, and I thought, this is not a toilet book.
05:44So you moved it to the coffee table.
05:45So I moved it to the coffee table.
05:46Well, I'm flattered, Alan.
05:47Yeah, quick spray of Dettol.
05:49Well, I hope that wasn't because of the content.
05:51No, it's for germs, because it had been in the toilet.
05:54But what I love about it, what I love about you, is that you speak your mind, and it really
05:59is refreshing.
06:00It's like a big gulp of mouthwash or, you know, driving dead fast with all the windows down.
06:05Well, I'm of the view that there are certain truths that are self-evident, and so what is
06:10wrong with talking about them?
06:12The black community does have a problem with gun crime.
06:15Gay activism does upset some people.
06:18Well, Israelis are rooted at airports.
06:20Well, I'm not sure about that.
06:22Japanese people always take photos of signposts.
06:26What is that all about?
06:29Are you asking us?
06:30No, that's a joke.
06:32Oh, right.
06:34Hang on.
06:34They do, don't they?
06:37Yeah, what is all that about?
06:39Maybe you should do a phone-in.
06:40No, we will do that, definitely.
06:46Okay, here's a guy who's got a mouth like a snare, and a voice like a cat trapped in one.
06:52It's Shane McGowan and the Porgs.
06:57Love the glasses, by the way.
06:59And the hair.
06:59Although, it looks messy, but it's actually quite hard.
07:01Like, you put lacquer in it.
07:04When did you touch my hair?
07:13More of your texts on bathroom routines.
07:15Enid in Docking says,
07:17Anyone who claims they don't wee in the shower is a liar.
07:21Ooh, bolshy lady.
07:23And an email from Barbara in Dis.
07:24She says,
07:25When I'm sitting in the bath, people outside can see my head through the window.
07:28But when I stand, they can see my fanny.
07:31So, I have a choice between drawing the curtain or crawling to the bath.
07:35The time is 40 years after the Battle of Hastings, 11.06.
07:38Moniton Holt, you want to take issue with Jasper.
07:41Yeah, I mean, it's knee-jerk rubbish he wrote about in a bloody Sunday inquiry.
07:44Yeah, you hang around with terrorists and you might get shot.
07:48His truth, his truth.
07:51Although, Gerry Adams, to be fair, has softened as his beard's got greyer.
07:55When it was dark and thick.
07:57So was he.
07:59Yeah, yeah, he normally does loads like that.
08:02You're just as bad, aren't you? Criticising their working class.
08:06I bet he hates fracking.
08:08Probably always standing on picket lines.
08:10Well, don't they all?
08:11Fingerless gloves around the brazier. Spare me.
08:14Yeah, striking.
08:15And we indulge them.
08:16Yeah, everybody out.
08:17You know, everyone says, shouldn't we try to start arbitration?
08:20You know, that would be one way.
08:21The other way would be to take them outside and shoot them in front of their kids.
08:24Woo-hoo! He went there.
08:26Neil Darnia, turn your head away.
08:28Turn your head away.
08:30Just opening the clip into the back of his skull.
08:33And just silence.
08:35Just broken just by the sound of the widow and his son quietly weeping.
08:48No, but they shouldn't strike.
08:55I liked your book.
08:58Neil, don't nick anything.
09:01No, I won't.
09:03I've got a little book of ideas.
09:11Just...
09:12Sorry.
09:16That was Berlin with Take My Breath Away, which I'm dedicating to my partner, Angela, who's got asthma.
09:24I'll tell you what takes my breath away.
09:26The number of calls and texts we've had about Jasper.
09:29It's not been like this since we had the chat about Ramadan.
09:31Although, on our message board, a few people have let themselves down with some pretty ugly vitriol.
09:36There's a surprise.
09:36Yeah, I won't get into detail, but lots of Fs, a smattering of F-ing Cs, some D-heads and
09:43various Ts.
09:44And a couple of S for brains.
09:46OK.
09:47Right.
09:47Sometimes it seems to me that...
09:49Shut up.
09:50Time once again.
09:51A thousand apologies.
09:52For our local Hero of the Week.
09:55Sponsored by Benson and Hedges.
09:56And you'll remember last week it went to Andy Deacon, a father of three who was on a school roof
10:02retrieving a football and found the body of a cat, which he returned to its owner very thoughtfully in a
10:09silk-lined shoebox.
10:11Ah, once again, you've been calling with your tales of public spirit, heroism and daring do.
10:15I'm sure it's what Alexander Graham Bell had in mind when he invented the telephone.
10:19Good humour.
10:20Well, every week we ask you, our listeners, to put forward someone in your life who you feel is worthy
10:29of the title, hero.
10:30It doesn't have to be hero in the traditional sense, i.e. a soldier in Iraq, but someone that you
10:35feel has gone out of the way to do something for someone else.
10:39That's what we're looking for.
10:40It really is that simple.
10:42Make one crave a little bit of silence.
10:45Unbelievable.
10:47Hello, June.
10:49Hello.
10:50It's Alan Partridge from North Norfolk Digital's Local Hero.
10:54Sponsored by Benson and Hedges.
10:56Who was that?
10:57Your friend Maggie tells us that you've been recently knitting some luminous bibs for the car park attendants at your
11:02office.
11:02Oh, I did, yeah.
11:04Well, I'm pleased to say that you've been named as this week's Local Hero.
11:09No.
11:10Ah, a hero.
11:12Who was that?
11:13By way of a prize, you should be able to see a man outside dressed as a clown with £100
11:18cash in his pocket.
11:20Oh.
11:22Is he smoking a cigarette?
11:25He might be.
11:29Simon, who'd be your local hero?
11:31Er, probably my newsagent.
11:33Er, at the end of the day, each day, he gives away all the leftover sandwiches to homeless people.
11:39That's a hero.
11:40He's a hero.
11:41He's a hero.
11:41What about you, Jasper?
11:43Oh, no, I couldn't possibly comment.
11:45Oh, go on.
11:47Er, well, I'll tell you who I wouldn't nominate.
11:48No, we can all do that.
11:49Hitler, tell us who you would nominate.
11:52Well, I've always admired...
11:53Not someone who works in the media or London.
11:55Yeah, yeah, God forbid.
11:56Making one of them a hero would be like making...
11:58Don't do one of those.
11:59Just tell us who's your hero.
12:04Well, er, there was, um, a history teacher at my, er, school.
12:09Er, Mr. Rigg.
12:12No, that's...
12:13No, you were saying?
12:14No, no, no, please.
12:15Do go on.
12:15I insist.
12:17Just he'd be, er...
12:18He didn't have to take me under his wing.
12:21And, er...
12:22He did.
12:24And he was very kind to me when I was...
12:27When I was vulnerable.
12:29And, er...
12:31And I miss him.
12:34I don't mind saying that.
12:40You should talk more like that.
12:42Because, when you did, you can see in your face that,
12:45deep down, you're a cracking fella.
12:48Hmm?
12:52Forget about it.
12:54Forget about it.
12:56Love that.
12:57OK, time for some music.
12:59Here's a chap who's permanently high
13:01while his mates sell blubber for cash.
13:04It's Bob Marley and the Wailers.
13:19All the other kids with the pumped-up kicks
13:23Better run, better run
13:25Outrun my gun
13:27All the other kids with the pumped-up kicks
13:31Better run, better run
13:33Faster than my bullet
13:36Is that better?
13:37Does that feel a bit better?
13:38Yeah, I bet.
13:39I hope that helps.
13:41I know you're...
13:41Yeah.
13:42You've got to talk to someone, professional.
13:44It's not really...
13:44I'm not equipped for, er...
13:46Singing songs.
13:47For you, Peppa.
13:48You really need to, er...
13:49The number's in the book, you know.
13:50So, I'll talk to you again.
13:51Call again soon.
13:52I'll always talk to you.
13:54Thanks a lot, love.
13:55Gotta go.
13:55Bye.
13:56You're listening to Mid-Morning Matters
13:57with Alan Partridge.
13:59Today is Valentine Day.
14:01Alan.
14:02Alan.
14:04Alan.
14:05Oh, Alan.
14:06Happy Valentine.
14:08Er, without further ado,
14:10he's sitting right next to me.
14:12If I was blind, I'd know he was here
14:14because, being hung over his ears,
14:16he smells like a ruddy...
14:19ruddy brewery
14:21staffed by tramps.
14:24None other than the sidekick Simon.
14:26Sidekick Simon.
14:27Sidekick Simon.
14:27Firstly, you stink.
14:29Sidekick Simon.
14:30Sidekick Simon.
14:34Yeah, I've got some dedications here, Alan.
14:36Er, Andy would like to say hello to his darling wife, Beverly.
14:39They met 12 years ago in some woods.
14:41She was walking her dog and he was just looking for something.
14:44And they married very soon afterwards.
14:47The time, er, is 11.17.
14:50Er, sounds like an early 80s synth band.
14:52Heaven 17.
14:53You should have said that.
14:54Er, coming up, Jill Reynolds will be giving us both a good old-fashioned nosh.
14:58Er, the local top chef will be preparing some Valentine's fare.
15:02Man, I wonder what will be on the menu.
15:05Don't want to think about it.
15:06No.
15:08Goblins, er, meat pudding in a tin.
15:11Cold, eaten with a fork.
15:14Tinned Goblins beef burgers in brine.
15:16Again cold, eaten with a fork.
15:18Freibentos, er, pie filling.
15:20No pie, just the filling.
15:21Eaten with a tablespoon.
15:23So you have to stretch your mouth to get it in.
15:25Er, er, semelima skins.
15:29Some warm, some cold.
15:31Eaten with a fork in a warm bathroom.
15:34This is the, er, enormous Barry White.
15:38Er, singing a song about how he somehow makes love to a woman.
15:41Does not bear thinking about...
15:45Jill.
15:46Valentine's Day.
15:47Unfortunately, not something the whole world can celebrate.
15:50No, that's right, Alan.
15:52And if you're single on Valentine's Day,
15:53it can be very hard,
15:55but good food will always lift the spirits.
15:58Absolutely.
15:59Er, I couldn't agree more.
16:00I think really the message is,
16:02to anyone who is lonely out there,
16:03on a day like today,
16:04throw caution to the wind and eat yourself giddy.
16:07I think on Valentine's Day particularly,
16:09it will be a cold heart
16:11that wouldn't let you use food as a crutch.
16:13Well, the thing is, Alan,
16:15it's called comfort food for a reason.
16:18It is, it is.
16:19Although I would say that if you are going to do that,
16:22please do introduce roughage at some point along the way.
16:25Forward planning always pays off.
16:27You don't want the 15th to be an even more depressing day than the 14th.
16:30Although for me, it always is.
16:32Unfortunately, that's the day my ruddy dad died.
16:35So, yeah, but mixed feelings,
16:37so not all bad.
16:38Well, a good plate of comfort food can really work wonders.
16:43In a nutshell, you know, I got a bit of that,
16:46but I loved him, so...
16:49Yeah, well, a good plate of comfort food
16:52can do wonders for a broken heart,
16:55if not for the waistline.
16:56Off.
16:57Let me ask you about comfort food.
16:59We've all been there.
17:01You come home from another god-awful day at work
17:04with people you hate.
17:06There's no-one at home.
17:08The lights are all on.
17:09The sink's full of dishes.
17:10You flop down on the sofa.
17:11Don't even take your coat off.
17:12Who are you trying to impress?
17:13There's no-one there.
17:14The TV's blaring out.
17:15You can't find the remote.
17:16It's been on ITV for a month.
17:18You're vaguely aware of some policeman
17:20talking to a drunk teenager with a blurry face,
17:23and you think,
17:23so help me God,
17:24I need to be comforted by food.
17:27What do you cook?
17:29Fried egg sandwiches.
17:30Yeah.
17:31Three fried eggs on Mother's Pride white bread
17:34with lots of butter.
17:36All right.
17:37Hey.
17:38You're a chef, right?
17:40Yeah, but even chefs are you comforting.
17:41Yeah, all right.
17:44Alan, can I ask you something?
17:47You may.
17:48What makes you feel sexy?
17:54Sitting in a leather chair in my underpants.
17:57No, I mean food-wise.
17:58Oh, um, blue cheese.
18:01Because for a lot of people,
18:02it means Italian food.
18:04The food of love.
18:06And so today,
18:07I'm going to be making a dish from Naples.
18:10Nipples.
18:11What?
18:13Staggering.
18:14It was out on the town last night.
18:15No, I wasn't.
18:16Of course you were.
18:17I wasn't.
18:17I was at home.
18:17I was drinking around.
18:18Where do you live?
18:19A drop-in centre.
18:20Back off!
18:23I'm having a tough time at the moment.
18:29There's, uh, Traffic and Truffle.
18:32Traffic and Travel.
18:33Sponsored by Castrol.
18:34Alan, can I just use the loo?
18:36What for?
18:37I mean, yeah, sure.
18:38Just, uh, use the disabled.
18:40He's only in on Wednesdays.
18:42They designed the whole building around him.
18:44I think he was some sort of evil genius.
18:46He's not.
18:47He just knows a lot about jazz.
18:51Lynn, I haven't got Angela a Valentine's present,
18:54so you've got until noon to scour Norfolk
18:55for a competitively priced Baby Doll Nighty.
18:59That's exactly what I said, Lynn.
19:01Then wrap a bow on it and put it in bubble wrap.
19:04And I know it won't smash, Lynn.
19:06Just wrap it in bubble wrap!
19:10To recap, that's three wagon wheels,
19:13a whole pack of butter
19:14into a pan of hot PG tips,
19:16defrosted Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire pud,
19:18pour in the solution,
19:19quickly take some broken Easter eggs,
19:21I've got my run on the back of Roundtree Macintosh,
19:23smear it down the circumference,
19:25add the Jaffa lid,
19:26boom, you've got yourself a giant rollo.
19:28Well, I do admire your creativity, Alan,
19:31and I really do,
19:32and you know,
19:32I like a man who likes his puns.
19:35Who's hungry?
19:37I am famished!
19:38I am famished, please.
19:41Give me something to eat.
19:43Please!
19:44Please give me something!
19:46I need some food!
19:48I'm hungry!
19:49I've got malnutrition!
19:52I love that.
19:53I offered it to Comic Relief,
19:54they didn't want it.
19:55Their loss.
19:56Anyway, time for our Valentine Gobble Off.
19:58What you got, Jill?
19:59It's a dish that's very popular
20:01in the southern part of Italy,
20:03and it's Linguini con Sardi,
20:07which is Linguini with something.
20:10Sardines.
20:11Precisely.
20:12Fish pasta.
20:13But with the fish being,
20:15in this instance,
20:16sardines.
20:17Yeah.
20:17Got it.
20:18So, we take our lovely fresh sardines,
20:23we've also got pine nuts,
20:26red chillies,
20:27fennel,
20:28and onion.
20:29Okay.
20:29We do without the fennel,
20:30because I don't like fennel,
20:31and I don't want fennel in it.
20:32Oh, I wouldn't have put you down
20:33as a fussy eater, Alan.
20:34I just don't like fennel.
20:35No, but honestly,
20:37you won't notice it,
20:38but it makes all the difference.
20:40It just lifts the whole thing.
20:45If you put fennel in there,
20:47we're going to fall out.
20:50Okay.
20:51So, first of all,
20:53we're going to chop up
20:54our red chillies and our onions.
20:56Some people have them ready chopped,
20:58but we're not going to do that.
21:00We're going to chop them ourselves.
21:05Simon.
21:06When you snapped before,
21:07the reason I didn't slap you
21:08is because I'm concerned.
21:10I'm sorry.
21:10I'm just feeling a bit down
21:11at the moment.
21:12What you down for, buddy Bo?
21:15When I first met you
21:17in that pub,
21:18and you were coming up
21:19with funny words
21:20for a woman's period,
21:21I was on the floor.
21:24And just as I tried to get up,
21:26you capped it all off
21:27with your penguin walk.
21:29Where's that guy gone?
21:31Where's penguin period man gone?
21:35Literally, I just feel
21:37a bit down at the moment,
21:38to the point where
21:39I almost didn't come into it.
21:39Why don't you go and sit in my car?
21:42Okay.
21:43There's half a double-decker
21:44in the glove box.
21:44It's yours.
21:46There's an unopened crunchy.
21:48I'd ask you to leave that.
21:49I'm driving to Banbury later.
21:53Thanks.
21:57Ask your butcher
21:58where the lamb's sourced from.
21:59Ask your butcher
22:00if the mince is sustainable.
22:01Ask your butcher
22:02the best way to bone a carcass.
22:04Leave the guy alone.
22:05If he was good with people,
22:06he wouldn't be a butcher.
22:08I know what you mean, love.
22:10I mean,
22:10some of these
22:11top celebrity chefs,
22:13they just try too hard.
22:15Simple and complicated
22:16food is the best.
22:18Yeah.
22:19Do you know
22:19what my favourite food is?
22:21Faggots.
22:22No, a good pie.
22:24Mine too.
22:25There you are.
22:25I love a good pie.
22:27And what would be
22:28your favourite filling,
22:30your dream filling,
22:31your ideal filling?
22:33Do you mean food stuff?
22:35Not necessarily.
22:36What were you thinking of?
22:37Julia Bradbury.
22:38Ooh.
22:39Ooh, the TV presenter.
22:42Yeah, the presenter of Countryfile
22:44and Canal Walks
22:45and Wainwright's Walks
22:46and other shows.
22:49Yeah.
22:50I mean,
22:50I put her in a big oven.
22:51I wouldn't want to break her up.
22:53I'd baste her
22:54with hot butter
22:55using the empty butter pack
22:56as a kind of a cream glove.
22:58Yeah.
22:58And then
22:59pop on a pastry lid
23:01two hours
23:02on a low heat.
23:04Done.
23:05Add chopped cabbage.
23:07How did you come up
23:08with that idea?
23:09I don't know.
23:09I have this dream
23:10where Julia and I
23:12are walking along
23:13a Lakeland fell
23:14when the heavens open
23:16and I've lost my compass
23:17literally
23:17and we don't know
23:18which direction to go
23:19so we have to pitch this tent
23:20which we crawl inside,
23:22cuddle each other
23:23and start crying
23:24and then,
23:24and I have to be honest
23:25to you with you, Jill,
23:26we have a kiss.
23:27A Julia Bradbury pie.
23:30Well, that's a new one on me.
23:32You're like,
23:33you're like Heston Blumenthal
23:34there with his egg
23:35and bacon ice cream.
23:37I am like Heston,
23:39Heston Blumenthal.
23:40Heston Blumenthal.
23:42I'm going to take
23:43the egg and bacon
23:44and cast them
23:45meat and ice cream.
23:48But so,
23:49that is not natural.
23:50Silence!
23:52The experiments
23:53will begin at dawn.
23:54Soon we will have
23:55an ice cream
23:57which will rule
23:58the menu
23:59for a thousand years.
24:00Heston Blumenthal
24:02now endorses
24:02not as affiliated
24:03with extreme,
24:05extreme right-wing groups
24:07or their activities.
24:08Apologise for any
24:09connotations there.
24:11That's fair enough.
24:12OK.
24:13This is side two
24:15of Mike O'Field
24:17the Tubular Bowls.
24:18See you in 20 minutes.
24:20Right, I'm off for a shower.
24:24Jill, thanks ever so much
24:25for coming in.
24:26You've given me food
24:28and you've given my listeners
24:29food for thought.
24:31Bye, Norfolk.
24:32That was great.
24:33Lovely, really.
24:35Oh, thank you.
24:36And I do hope
24:37that one day
24:37you get your walk
24:38with Julia Bradbury.
24:40I think that's unlikely
24:41after what I said on air.
24:43Oh, no, surely not.
24:45I think she would want,
24:46she would only probably
24:47countenance it
24:48with a group of ramblers.
24:50Or at the very least
24:51with some sort of
24:52heavy supervision.
24:53Look what the cat dragged in.
24:55Hiya.
24:55Hello.
24:56Hi.
24:57Everything all right?
24:58Yeah, just had a bit
24:59of a cry.
25:00But, um, boo-hoo.
25:03Yeah, no, I'm at the car.
25:04Yeah, no, that's fine.
25:05Yeah, right.
25:06And you're good.
25:07I mean, you don't have
25:07to talk about it.
25:08Well, my girlfriend
25:09has been texting her ex
25:11and I know that
25:13they were friends
25:13before they went out
25:14and so she says
25:15that they're friends
25:16so she should be able to...
25:17When you get upset,
25:18what you should try and do
25:18is bottle it up.
25:20In the short term,
25:21at least, I mean,
25:21you're not a member
25:22of a gun club, are you?
25:23No.
25:24No, great, yeah,
25:24well, just bottle it up.
25:26And when you find
25:27an appropriate venue,
25:29let off steam,
25:29I go to Thetford Forest
25:30once every other Sunday
25:33and scream myself at a horse.
25:36At a horse?
25:36No, I scream myself horse.
25:39I have screamed at a horse,
25:40but that was...
25:41that was for a different thing.
25:43Bye.
25:44Don't cry.
25:45Nobody likes a crybaby.
25:48Women like a real man
25:49who doesn't take any shit.
25:51So pull yourself together
25:52and be a fucking man.
25:56Ta-ra.
25:57Right.
26:03That was weird.
26:07What's the fish pasta like?
26:12Uh...
26:14I was missing something.
26:21I was born in the wagon
26:23of a traveling show.
26:24My mama used to dance
26:26for the money they'd throw.
26:27My mama would do
26:28whatever he could.
26:32Preach a little gospel.
26:34When I'm in the wagon.
26:34Don't go home.
26:36Martha's house,
26:37fundraiser,
26:37let it go.
26:38You'reuki software there.
Comments