- 2 giorni fa
- #blackadder
- #rowanatkinson
- #subita
Blackadder Goes Forth (1989) - Stagione Quattro
Ambientata durante la Prima Guerra Mondiale, tra grandi avanguardie tecnologiche, ufficiali imboscati nelle retrovie, soldati mandati al massacro e fermenti rivoluzionari nell'aria. Il protagonista è il Capitano Blackadder, un ufficiale dell'esercito britannico che cerca sempre di non farsi ammazzare e di disertare gli assalti. Il suo tirapiedi è il soldato semplice Sodoff Baldrick.
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #subita
Ambientata durante la Prima Guerra Mondiale, tra grandi avanguardie tecnologiche, ufficiali imboscati nelle retrovie, soldati mandati al massacro e fermenti rivoluzionari nell'aria. Il protagonista è il Capitano Blackadder, un ufficiale dell'esercito britannico che cerca sempre di non farsi ammazzare e di disertare gli assalti. Il suo tirapiedi è il soldato semplice Sodoff Baldrick.
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #subita
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DivertentiTrascrizione
00:00FIATER CENTER! TRIP DODGE!
00:16FIATER RIGHT!
00:25FIATER RIGHT!
00:30FIATER RIGHT!
00:45You're a bit cheesed off, sir.
00:47George, the day this war began, I was cheesed off.
00:50Within ten minutes of you turning up,
00:52I finished the cheese and moved on to the coffee and cigars.
00:56And at this late stage, I'm in a cab with two lady companions
00:59on my way to the pink pussycat in Lower Regency.
01:02Well, because if you are cheesed off, sir,
01:04you know what would cheer you up?
01:06And that's a Charlie Chaplin film.
01:08Oh, I love old chappers. Don't you, Cap?
01:11Unfortunately, no, I don't.
01:12I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck
01:15and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.
01:19Oh, big pun, sir, but come off!
01:23His films are ball-bouncingly funny.
01:27Rubbish.
01:28Well, alright, let's consult the men for a casting book, shall we, Baldrick?
01:31Sir!
01:32Charlie Chaplin, Baldrick. What do you make of him?
01:34Oh, sir, he's as funny as a vegetable
01:36that's grown into a rude and amusing shape, sir.
01:40So you agree with me? Not at all funny.
01:43Oh, come on, Skip, I played fair in that last film of his.
01:46When he kicked that fellow in the backside, I thought I'd die.
01:50Well, if that's your idea of comedy,
01:52we can provide our own without expending a halfpenny for the privilege.
01:57There, do you find that funny?
01:58Oh, no, of course not, sir.
02:00But, you see, Chaplin is a genius.
02:02He certainly is a genius, George.
02:04He invented a way of getting paid a million dollars a year
02:06for wearing a pair of stupid trousers.
02:09Did you find that funny, Baldrick?
02:10What funny, sir?
02:14That funny.
02:15No, sir.
02:16And you mustn't do that to me, sir,
02:18because that is a bourgeois act of repression, sir.
02:22What?
02:23Haven't you smelt it, sir?
02:25There's something afoot in the wind.
02:28The huddled masses yearning to be free.
02:33Baldrick, have you been to the diesel oil again?
02:36No, sir.
02:37I've been supping the milk of freedom.
02:39Already our Russian comrades are poised on the brink of revolution.
02:44And here, too, sir, the huddled washed names such as myself, sir,
02:48are ready to throw off the hated oppressors like you and the lieutenant.
02:52Present company accepted, sir.
02:54Go and clean out the latrines.
02:57Yes, sir, right away, sir.
02:59You see, now the reason why Chaplin is so funny
03:03is because he's part of the great British music hall tradition.
03:06Oh, yes, the great British music hall tradition.
03:09two men with incredibly unconvincing cockney accents going,
03:12what's up with you, then?
03:13What's up with me, then?
03:14Yeah, what's up with you, then?
03:15I'll tell you what's up with me.
03:16I'm right round off.
03:17That's what's up with me.
03:18Right round off.
03:18Yeah, right.
03:19Get on with it!
03:21Now, sir, that was funny.
03:24You should go to the porch yourself.
03:26Thank you, George, but if you don't mind,
03:28I'd rather have my tongue beaten wafer thin by a steak tenderiser
03:32and then staple to the floor with a croquet hoop.
03:35Sir!
03:36Sir!
03:37Sir!
03:37It's all over the trenches!
03:39Well, mop it up, then.
03:41No, sir!
03:42The news!
03:43The Russian Revolution have started!
03:45The masses have risen up and shot all their knobs!
03:49Hurrah!
03:50Oh, no.
03:51The bloody Russians have pulled out of the war.
03:53Well, we soon saw them off, didn't we, sir?
03:56Miserable, slant-eyed, sausage-eating swine.
04:00The Russians are on our side.
04:02Are they?
04:03And they've abandoned the Eastern Front.
04:05And they've overthrown Nicholas II, who used to be bizarre.
04:10Who used to be the Tsar, boy.
04:13The point is that now the Russians have made peace with the Kaiser,
04:17at this very moment over three-quarters of a million Germans
04:19are leaving the Russian Front and coming over here
04:22with the express purpose of using my nipples for target practice.
04:26There's only one thing for it.
04:27I'm going to have to desert.
04:28And I'm going to do it right now.
04:30Are you leaving us, Blackadder?
04:32No, sir.
04:33Well, I'm relieved to hear it,
04:34because I need you to help me shoot some deserters later on.
04:39There have been subversive mutterings amongst the men.
04:41You'll recall the French army last year at Verdun
04:44where the top echelon suffered from horrendous uprisings from the bottom.
04:49Yes, sir, but surely that was traced to a shipment of garlic eclairs.
04:53Nonsense, Blackadder.
04:54It was bolshiness.
04:56Plain bolshiness.
04:57And now that the Ruskies have followed suit,
04:59I'm damned if I'm going to let the same thing happen here.
05:02Oh.
05:02And what are you going to do about it, sir?
05:04We're going to have a concert party to boost the men's morale.
05:08A concert party?
05:09Well, hurrah!
05:12You fancy an evening at a concert party, Blackadder?
05:15Well, frankly, sir, I'd rather spend an evening on top of a step ladder in no man's land,
05:19smoking endless cigarettes through a luminous balaclava.
05:23Yes, I didn't think it would be quite your cup of tea,
05:27but I do need someone to help me organise it, you know.
05:30Obviously not a tough, grizzled soldier like yourself,
05:33but some kind of damp-eyed Nancy boy who'd be prepared to spend the rest of the war in the
05:39London Palladium.
05:40Huh?
05:41The show is going to the London Palladium, sir?
05:43Oh, yes, of course.
05:45It's no good crushing a revolution over here only to get back home to Blighty
05:48and find that everybody's wearing overalls and breaking wind in the palaces of the mighty.
05:53Good point, sir.
05:54Now, the thing is, Blackadder, finding a man to organise a concert party is going to be damn difficult,
05:59so I've come up with rather a cunning set of questions with which to test a candidate's suitability for the
06:04job.
06:04Oh, and what sort of questions would these be, sir?
06:07Well, the first question is, do you like Charlie Chaplin?
06:12Dismissed, Lieutenant.
06:14Do you like Charlie Chaplin?
06:15Yes, that is a good question for a candidate, to which my answer would, of course, be,
06:19Yes, I'd love him.
06:21Love him, sir.
06:22Now, particularly the amusing kicks.
06:24That's funny, sir, because I thought you said...
06:25Goodbye, George.
06:27And the second question is, do you like music hall?
06:31Ah, yes.
06:32Another good question, sir.
06:34Again, my answer would have to be, yes, absolutely love it.
06:37Oops, Mr. Rothschild.
06:41Well, you see, it's my view, Blackadder,
06:43that the kind of person who would answer yes to both of those questions would be ideal for the...
06:49Wait a minute.
06:51What, sir?
06:53Why, without knowing it, Blackadder,
06:55you've inadvertently shown me that you could do the job.
07:00Have I, sir?
07:02Yes, sir, you have, sir.
07:04And I want you to start work straight away.
07:07A couple of shows over the weekend, and if all goes well,
07:09we'll start you off in London, um, next Monday.
07:13Oh, damn.
07:15If you need any help, um, fishing and carrying and, uh, backstage and so on,
07:20I'll lend you my driver, if you like.
07:21Bob!
07:25Driver Parkhurst reporting for duty, sir.
07:27All right, at ease, Bob. Stand easy.
07:30Captain Blackadder, this is Bob.
07:32Bob?
07:34Good morning, sir.
07:36Unusual name for a girl.
07:38Well, yes, it would be an unusual name for a girl,
07:40but it's a perfectly straightforward name for a young chap like you, eh, Bob?
07:45Now, Bob, I want you to bunk up with Captain Blackadder for a couple of days, all right?
07:49Yes, sir.
07:50I think you'll find Bob's just the man for this job, Blackadder.
07:52He has a splendid sense of humour.
07:55He, sir? He? He?
07:57You see? You're laughing already.
08:00All right.
08:01Well, now, Bob, I'll leave you two together.
08:03Why don't you, uh, get to know each other, play a game of cribbage,
08:06uh, have a smoke, something like that.
08:07They tell me that Captain Blackadder has rather a good line in rough shag.
08:11Um, I'm sure he'd be happy to fill your pipe.
08:15Carry on.
08:19Sir, you're a chap, are you, Bob?
08:21Oh, yes, sir.
08:26You wouldn't say you were a girl at all.
08:28Oh, definitely not, sir.
08:30I understand cricket.
08:31I fart in beds, everything.
08:34Let me put it another way, Bob.
08:35You are a girl.
08:36And you're a girl with as much talent for disguise
08:39as a giraffe in dark glasses
08:41trying to get into a polar bears-only golf club.
08:45Oh, sir, sir, please don't give me away, sir.
08:48I just want you to be like my brothers and join up.
08:50I want to see how a war is fought so badly.
08:54Well, you've come to the right place, Bob.
08:56A war hasn't been fought this badly
08:58since Olaf the Hairy, High Chief of all the Vikings,
09:01accidentally ordered 80,000 battle helmets
09:03with the horns on the inside.
09:07I want to do my bit for the boys, sir.
09:10Oh, really?
09:11I'll do anything, sir.
09:14Yes, I'd keep that to yourself if I was you, Bob.
09:16All right, Bob.
09:18The second half starts with Corporal Smith and Johnson
09:21as the three silly twerps.
09:22All right, sir.
09:23The big joke being there's only two of them.
09:28I love that.
09:29That always cracks me up, sir.
09:32Followed by Balric's impersonation of Charlie Chaplin.
09:41Yes.
09:42Bob, take a telegram.
09:44Yes, sir.
09:44Mr. C. Chaplin.
09:46Senate Studios, Hollywood, California.
09:48Congrats.
09:49Stop.
09:49Have discovered only person in the world less funny than you.
09:53Name, Balric.
09:55Stop.
09:55Yours, E. Blackadder.
09:56Stop.
09:57Owen, put a PS.
09:58Please, please, please, stop.
10:01And then after that we have, ladies and gentlemen,
10:05the highlight of our show.
10:06Da-da!
10:13I feel fantastic.
10:17Gorgeous Georgina.
10:19The traditional soldier's drag act.
10:21You look absolutely lovely, sir.
10:24Balric, you are either lying, blind or mad.
10:28Lieutenant looks like all soldiers look on these occasions
10:30about as feminine as W.G. Grace.
10:33What are you going to give him, George?
10:35Well, I thought one or two cheeky gags.
10:38Followed by she was only the ironmonger's daughter,
10:41but she knew a surprising amount about fish as well.
10:47Inspired.
10:48Well, at least you made an effort with the dress.
10:50What about your costume, Balric?
10:51I'm in it, sir.
10:53I see.
10:53So your Charlie Chaplin costume consists of that hat.
10:57Yes, sir, except that in this box
11:01I have a dead slug as a brilliant false moustache.
11:06Yes, only quite brilliant, I fear.
11:08How, for instance, are you to attach it to your face?
11:10Well, I was hoping to persuade the slug to cling on, sir.
11:14Balric, the slug is dead.
11:17If it failed to cling on to life,
11:18I see no reason why it should wish to cling on to your upper lip.
11:23Balric, Balric, come on.
11:25Slugs are always a problem.
11:26What you've got to do is screw your face up like this.
11:28You see?
11:29And then you can clamp it between your top lip and your nose.
11:32Well, like this, sir.
11:33That's it, that's it.
11:34That's been...
11:36Sir!
11:36Sir!
11:37There's a visitor to see you!
11:39Good Lord, Mr Chaplin!
11:42This is a deal and honour.
11:44Why?
11:44Of course, for some sort of celebration.
11:46Balric, Balric!
11:48Balric!
11:49Sir, that is extraordinary because...
11:54Because...
11:55Because you see, this isn't Chaplin at all.
11:58This is Balric!
11:59Yes!
12:00It's me, sir!
12:03I know, I know, I was in fact being sarcastic.
12:09Oh, I see!
12:11Everything goes above your head, doesn't it, George?
12:14You should go to Jamaica and become a limbo dancer.
12:21They love him, sir, we're a hit!
12:23Yes, in one short evening, I've become the most successful impresario
12:27since the manager of the Roman Coliseum
12:29thought of putting the Christians and the lions on the same bill.
12:33Sir, some people seem to think that I was best.
12:36Would you agree?
12:37Balric, in the Amazonian rainforests,
12:39there are tribes of Indians as yet untouched by civilisation
12:42who've developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions than yours.
12:46Oh, thank you very much, sir!
12:48He's coming off!
12:50What do you think, Bob? One more?
12:53God, I love the theatre!
12:57It's in my blood and in my soul.
13:00Balric, put those in some water, will you?
13:02Yes, sir!
13:06I need that applause in the same way that an Osler needs his...
13:11...ossel.
13:12Well done, sir!
13:14No, really, I was...
13:16I was hopeless.
13:18I mean, tell me honestly, sir, I was, wasn't I?
13:20Well...
13:20Come on, sir, up with it, because I need to know, really, I was hopeless.
13:23No, well...
13:23No, you're trying to be nice, and that's very sweet of you, sir, but please, come on, I can take
13:27it, I was hopeless.
13:27George, you were bloody awful.
13:33But you can't argue with the box office.
13:35Personally, I thought you were the least convincing female impressionist
13:38since Tarzan went through Jane's handbag and ate her lipstick.
13:42But I'm clearly in a minority.
13:44Look out, London, here we come.
13:51Ah, Captain Dowling.
13:53Ah, Captain Blackadder.
13:54I must say, I had an absolutely splendid evening.
13:57Oh, glad you enjoyed the show.
13:59The show?
14:00No, I didn't go to the show.
14:02Important regimental business.
14:04A lorry load of paper clips arrived.
14:08Two lorry loads, actually.
14:11Ah, welcome to the great director.
14:14Ha ha, maestro.
14:16You enjoyed it, sir?
14:17Well, it was mostly awful, but I enjoyed the slug balance, sir.
14:24Private Baldrick, sir.
14:25That's right, yes.
14:27The slug fell off a couple of times, but you can't have everything, can you?
14:31I'd just suggest a bit more practice and perhaps a little sparkly costume for the slug.
14:37I'll pass that on, sir.
14:39But I do have certain other reasons for believing the show to be nothing but a triumph.
14:45Captain Dowling has your travel arrangements, ticket to Dover, rooms at the Ritz and so forth.
14:50Oh, thank you, sir.
14:51However, there is one small thing you might do for me.
14:56Yes?
14:58Captain Blackadder, I should esteem it a signal honour
15:01if you would allow me to escort your leading lady to the regimental ball this evening.
15:07My leading lady?
15:08The fair Georgina.
15:10Ah, ha ha, very amusing.
15:12Do you think she'll laugh in my face? I'm too old, too crusty?
15:16Er, no.
15:18No, no, it's just that as her director, I'm afraid I could not allow it.
15:21I could always find another director who would allow it.
15:25Quite.
15:26Well, I'll see what I can do, but I must insist that she be home by midnight
15:30and that there be no hanky-panky, sir, whatsoever.
15:33I shall, of course, respect your wishes, Blackadder.
15:35However, I don't think you need to be quite so protective.
15:37I'm sure she's a girl with a great deal more spunk than most women, you find.
15:43Oh, dear me.
15:45Absolutely not, sir.
15:47It's profoundly immoral and utterly wrong. I will not do it.
15:50We can always find another leading lady.
15:53Well, the dress will need a clean.
15:55Excellent.
15:55Now, the important thing is that Melchitz should, under no circumstances, realize that you're a man.
16:00Yes, yes, I understand that.
16:02In order to ensure this, there are three basic rules.
16:05One, you must never, I repeat, never remove your wig.
16:09All right.
16:10Second, never say anything.
16:12I'll tell him at the beginning of the evening that you're saving your voice for the opening night in London.
16:16Excellent, sir. And what's the third?
16:18The third is most important.
16:19Don't get drunk and let him shag you on the veranda.
16:29How do I look, darling?
16:33Girl bait, sir. Pure bloody girl bait.
16:36Mustache, bushy enough?
16:37Like a privet head, sir.
16:40Good, because I want to catch a particularly beautiful creature in this bush tonight.
16:46I'm sure you'll be caming women out of your moustache for weeks, sir.
16:49God, it's a spankingly beautiful world.
16:52And tonight's my night.
16:54I know exactly what I'll say to her.
16:57Darling.
16:57Yes, sir?
16:59What? Um, I don't know, sir.
17:02Well, don't butt in.
17:04I want to make you happy, darling.
17:06Well, that's very kind of you, sir.
17:08Will you kindly stop interrupting?
17:10If you don't listen, how can you tell me what you think?
17:13I want to make you happy, darling.
17:15I want to build a nest for your ten tiny toes.
17:18I want to cover every inch of your gorgeous body in pepper and then sneeze all over you.
17:24Really, sir? I must protest.
17:26What is the matter with you, darling?
17:28Well, it's just all so sudden, sir.
17:32I mean, the nest bit's fine, but the pepper business is definitely out.
17:36How dare you tell me how I may or may not treat my beloved Georgina?
17:40Georgina?
17:41Yes. I'm working out what I want to say to her this evening.
17:44Oh, yes. Of course. Thank God.
17:48All right.
17:49Yes, sir. Listening, sir.
17:50Honestly, darling, you really are the most graceless, dim-witted bumpkin I ever met.
17:56I don't think you should say that to us.
17:58No!
18:01Where the hell's that, George?
18:02It's three o'clock in the morning.
18:04You should be careful wandering around the trench at night with nothing to protect his honor but a cricket box.
18:10Hello, Captain.
18:12About time. Where the hell have you been?
18:14Oh, I don't know. It's all been like a dream, my very first of all.
18:19The music, the dancing, the champagne.
18:21My mind is a mad whirl of half-whispered conversations with the promise of indiscretion ever hanging in the air.
18:28Oh, did that old stoat Melcher try for a snog behind the fruit cup?
18:33Certainly not. The general behaved like a perfect gentleman.
18:36We tie out the moon with our talking about everything and nothing.
18:40The war, marriage, proposed changes to the LBW rule.
18:45Melcher isn't married, is he?
18:47No, no. All his life, he's been waiting to meet the perfect woman.
18:50And at last, tonight, he did.
18:53Some poor unfortunate had old walrus face dribbling in her ear all evening, did you?
18:57Oh, yes. As a matter of fact, I did have to drape a napkin over my shoulder, yes.
19:04George, are you trying to tell me that you are the general's perfect woman?
19:08Well, yes, I rather think I am.
19:12Well, thank God the horny old blighter didn't ask you to marry him.
19:19You did?
19:21Well, how did you get out of that one?
19:22Well, to be honest, sir, I'm not absolutely certain that I did.
19:26What?
19:26Well, you can't understand what it was like, sir.
19:29You know, the candles, the music, the huge moustache.
19:33I don't know what I said over me.
19:35You said yes?
19:36Oh, after all, sir, he is a general.
19:38I didn't really feel I could refuse.
19:40He might have had me court-martialed.
19:42Whereas on the other hand, of course, he's going to give you the Victoria Cross
19:45when he lifts up your frock on the wedding night
19:48and finds himself looking at the last turkey in the shop.
19:52Yes, I am.
19:53I know it's a mess, sir, but you see, you got me squiffy
19:56and then when he looked into my eyes and said,
19:59Chipmunk, I love you.
20:01Chipmunk?
20:02Yes, but it's his special name for me, you see.
20:05He says my nose looks just like a chipmunk.
20:07Oh, God!
20:08Well, there's serious, serious trouble here.
20:10If the general ever finds out the gorgeous Georgina
20:13is in fact a strapping six-footer from the rough end of the trench,
20:16it could precipitate the fastest execution since someone said,
20:20This Guy Fawkes bloke, do we let him off or what?
20:28Hello?
20:29Yes, sir.
20:30Straight away, sir.
20:32That was your fiancée.
20:36Chipmunk.
20:37He wants to see me.
20:39If I should die, think only this of me.
20:42I'll be back to get you.
20:49Sir, I can explain everything.
20:52Can you, Blackadder? Can you?
20:54Well, no, sir, not really.
20:57I thought not. I thought not.
20:59Who can explain the mysteries of love?
21:03I'm in love with Georgina, Blackadder.
21:05I'm going to marry her on Saturday and I want you to be my best man.
21:10I don't think that would be a very good idea, sir.
21:13And why not?
21:14Because there's something wrong with your fiancée, sir.
21:17Oh, my God, she's not Welsh, is she?
21:22No, sir.
21:23It's a terrible story, but true.
21:25Just a few minutes ago, Georgina arrived unexpectedly in my trench.
21:29She was literally dancing with joy, as though something wonderful had happened to her.
21:34Makes sense.
21:35Unfortunately, she was in such a daze, she danced straight through the trench and out into no-man's land.
21:41I tried to stop her, but before I could say, don't tread on a mine, she trod on a mine.
21:47Oh, no!
21:48Well, I say a mine, it was more a cluster of mines.
21:51And she was blown to smithereens, and as she rocketed up into the air, she said something I couldn't quite
21:57catch,
21:58totally incomprehensible to me, something like, tell him his little chipmunk will love him forever.
22:05No!
22:06How?
22:07How?
22:08How?
22:10Oh, it's heartbreaking, sir.
22:12I'm sorry, sir.
22:13Well, can't be helped, can't be helped.
22:16Well, it's jolly bad luck, sir.
22:18And, of course, on top of everything else, without your leading lady, you won't be able to put on the
22:24show.
22:24So no show, no London Palladium.
22:28On the contrary.
22:29I was simply intending to rename it.
22:31The Georgina Melchit Memorial Show.
22:34Oh, no!
22:35Georgina was the only thing that made the show come alive!
22:38Apart from her, it was all awful!
22:41Awful?
22:41Yes, you'll never find another girl like Georgina by tomorrow.
22:45Well, it's funny you should say that, sir, because I think I already have.
22:49Who is she?
22:50Who is she?
22:51So, come on, sir, who is she?
22:52Well, that's the problem, isn't it?
22:53Having a bloody clue.
22:55The only attractive woman around here is carved out of stone, called Venus,
23:00and is standing in a fountain in the middle of the town square with water coming out of her armpits.
23:05So, we're a bit stuck.
23:07Morning, chaps.
23:07Morning, Bob.
23:09You can say that again, George.
23:10We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
23:18We are in trouble.
23:20Not me longer, sir!
23:25May I present my cunning plan?
23:29Don't be ridiculous, Bollick.
23:31Can you sing?
23:32Can you dance?
23:33Or are you offering to be sawn in half?
23:35I don't think those things are important in a modern marriage, sir.
23:39I offer simple home cooking.
23:42Warwick, our plan is to find a new leading lady for our show.
23:46What is your plan?
23:48My plan is that I will marry General Melchett.
23:52I am the other woman.
23:55Well, congratulations, Bollick.
23:58I hope you'll be very happy.
23:59I will, sir.
24:00Because when I get back from honeymoon, I will be a member of the aristocracy,
24:04and you will have to call me me lady.
24:07What happened to your revolutionary principles, Bollick?
24:10I thought you hated the aristocracy.
24:11I'm working to bring down the system from within, sir.
24:15I'm a sort of a frozen horse.
24:18Trojan horse.
24:20Anyway, I can't see what's so stupid about marrying into wealth and money
24:24and not having to sleep in a puddle.
24:26Bollick?
24:26No.
24:28It's the worst plan since Abraham Lincoln said,
24:31Oh, I'm sick of kicking around the house tonight.
24:33Let's go take in a show.
24:35For a start, General Melchett is in mourning for the woman of his dreams.
24:40He's unlikely to be in the mood to marry a two-legged badger wrapped in a curtain.
24:45Secondly, we are looking for a great entertainer.
24:47And you're the worst entertainer since St Paul the Evangelist toured Palestine with his trampoline act.
24:54Now we'll have to find somebody else.
24:57What about Corporal Cartwright, sir?
24:59Corporal Cartwright looks like an orangutan.
25:02I've heard of the bearded lady, but the all-over-body-hair lady fatally just isn't hot.
25:08Willis?
25:08Too short.
25:10Petheridge?
25:11Too old.
25:12Taplo?
25:13Too dead.
25:17Oh, this is hopeless.
25:18There just isn't anyone.
25:20Goodbye, goodbye
25:23Wipe the tear, baby, dear
25:27What am I doing, Bob?
25:30Sir?
25:31Still, what a brilliant idea!
25:34Bob!
25:34Can you think of anyone who could be our leading lady?
25:45What do you think, Bob? One more?
25:46No, George. Always leave them hungry.
25:48Congratulations, Bob. I have to admit, I thought you were bloody marvellous.
25:51Thank you, sir.
25:52Permission to slip into something more uncomfortable, sir?
25:55Permission granted.
25:56Oh, sir, it's going to be wonderful.
25:59Not just for me, but for my little partner, Graham.
26:02We're doing our Charlie chatting all round the world.
26:06Yes.
26:06From Shaftesbury Avenue to the Côte d'Azur, they'll be saying,
26:10I like the little black one, but who's that Berkey sitting on?
26:13I'm not with you, sir.
26:15Of course not.
26:16But don't worry, we'll have years in luxury hotels for me to explain.
26:19Now, you two get packing, get packing.
26:21The boat train leaves at six, and we're going to be on it.
26:24Black Adam.
26:25Ah, darling. Everything all right?
26:27Oh, yes.
26:28Got the tickets?
26:29Oh, yes.
26:30Ah.
26:30Black Adam!
26:32Oh, hi, General. Enjoy the show?
26:34Don't be ridiculous.
26:35The worst evening I've ever spent in my life!
26:37I'm sorry?
26:37Will you stand still when I'm talking to you?
26:39If by a man's works shall he know him, then you are a steaming pile of horse manure.
26:45But surely, sir, the show was a triumph.
26:47A triumph?
26:48The three twerps were one twerp short.
26:51Again.
26:53The slug balancer seems now to be doing some feeble impression of Buster Keaton.
26:59And worst of all, the crowning turd in the water pipe.
27:03The revolting drag act at the end.
27:06A drag act?
27:07Yes, poor Bob Parker is being made to look a total arse.
27:11With that thin reedy voice and that stupid effeminate dancing.
27:15Ah.
27:16So the show's cancelled.
27:18Permanently.
27:19But what about the men's morale, sir, with the Russians out of the war and everything?
27:22Oh, for goodness sake, Black Adam, have you been living in a cave?
27:26The Americans joined the war yesterday.
27:28So how is that going to improve the men's morale, sir?
27:30Oh, because you gibbering imbecile, they've brought with them the largest collection of Charlie Chaplin films in existence.
27:39Oh, I've lost patience with you. Fill him in, darling.
27:42Yes, sir.
27:44We received a telegram this morning from Mr Chaplin himself at Senate Studios.
27:48Twice nightly screening of my films in trenches. Excellent idea. Stop.
27:53But must insist E. Blackadder be projectionist. Stop.
27:58Oh, P.S. Don't let him ever stop.
28:03Oh, great.
28:04No hard feelings, eh, Blackadder?
28:06Not at all, darling.
28:09Er...
28:10Careful licorice also.
28:14Well, thank you.
28:37TOOLUMENT
28:38TOOLUMENT
28:52TOOLUMENT
28:58Grazie a tutti.
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