- 9 hours ago
Zero Stars Season 1 Episode 1
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00:0890% of it is a wonderful relaxing experience with just 10% assault.
00:14Woohoo!
00:16We're here baby. Most travelers avoid bad reviews.
00:20Let's see what the review says.
00:21One star.
00:22One star.
00:22One star.
00:23I've never seen anything more stupid.
00:24If I could give it zero stars I would.
00:26But not us.
00:27I'm a woman in a man's world. I make up my own mind.
00:29I'm Sarah Pascoe.
00:31I'm brilliant at this.
00:33I'm Roisin Conaty.
00:34Come on fishy fishy.
00:35We're comedians but more importantly best friends.
00:39As someone who has received bad reviews I will always try to look to the good.
00:42So we're turning the tables on the review sites.
00:45They were so busy typing in their phone lonely they've got to look out.
00:48And visiting places based on the worst reviews.
00:51Come closer it's nothing to be afraid of.
00:53My review is 100 stars.
00:55But will this journey of salvation be a five star fun fest?
00:59I'm an absolute killer.
01:01Yes!
01:02Or are we in for a holiday from hell?
01:05Hell!
01:06Yeah!
01:06Ah!
01:07Go, go, go, go, go, go.
01:23Istanbul, baby.
01:25It's absolutely awesome, isn't it?
01:27It's got a lot going on. It smells delicious.
01:30Hello.
01:32I would like to eat some lovely Turkish food.
01:35Am I getting Helen?
01:36Am I getting sujuk?
01:38Am I getting sujuk?
01:38Am I getting Ashkenda?
01:39You betcha.
01:40I'm probably going to get run over.
01:41Am I going to get run over?
01:42You betcha.
01:46Over 18 million tourists per year travel to Istanbul,
01:50the only major city in the world that straddles two continents,
01:53Asia and Europe.
01:55Which one online reviewer says is smelly, packed,
01:59and gave her husband food poisoning.
02:00So we're here to find out if she's right.
02:02We've got reviews, optimism and a jumbo pack of Imodium.
02:08So what's the name of the hotel?
02:09Uh, Elite.
02:11It's like a comedy show.
02:13We're home.
02:14That's great.
02:14I love it.
02:15Only we were not laughing.
02:17Like my gigs.
02:19We're staying at the Elite World Hotel.
02:22And at first glance, it looks luxurious.
02:25Opulent, in fact.
02:27But we're here because this five-star hotel has a secret.
02:32Oh, the lobby looks nice.
02:34Is that what you're sure we're in?
02:38I think this is stunning.
02:40It is pretty.
02:42Very five-star-y.
02:43Yeah, glamour.
02:46Oh.
02:48Oh.
02:49Oh.
02:50Yeah.
02:56They've all had hair transplants.
02:58Yeah.
03:00Close.
03:01What's that stare?
03:02It's a hair transplant hotel.
03:04Imagine you come on your honeymoon.
03:07All the vans are for the clinic.
03:10What have you signed me up for?
03:11This isn't me.
03:12I'm anti-plastic surgery.
03:13This isn't me.
03:14I think you're all beautiful as you are.
03:17Not you.
03:18You've made the wrong.
03:21Plastic surgery, in terms of beauty treatments,
03:23is probably one of the biggest tourist attractions in Istanbul.
03:26And the hotel we're staying at has got loads of people
03:29who are ostensibly on holiday,
03:32come from other countries to get hair transplants,
03:36to get all different kinds of surgery.
03:37In fact, hair transplants make up half of Turkey's medical tourism industry,
03:42worth over $1 billion a year.
03:45That's a lot of cash sloshing around.
03:46Speaking of sloshing around,
03:49we're off to Istanbul's legendary waterway, the Bosporus.
03:52The only time I've ever missed a flight was in Istanbul.
03:54Left the hotel five hours before my flight
03:57and wasn't even close to making it.
03:58Taxi driver gave me a packet of cigarettes to ease the stress.
04:01Start smoking.
04:03You're never going to make your plane.
04:04You're going to live here and you're going to smoke.
04:07Sometimes you don't move for up to 20 minutes and up.
04:09That's not even the worst part.
04:11The constant honking while nothing is moving is.
04:13Well, we've not heard any honking.
04:15It's all been very civilised.
04:16There's the honking.
04:18Wow, guys.
04:19You manifested it.
04:21That is...
04:22What you focus on, frostburs.
04:24Now you point it out, everyone's honking.
04:26Let's get the honking on.
04:26The love has not noticed before.
04:29Everyone's honking 24-7.
04:30OK.
04:31How did I not notice that?
04:32It's a honk-off.
04:33It's a honk-off.
04:34This place, be honking.
04:36Thankfully, I've got a more peaceful way of getting around the sights.
04:42Water bikes on the Bosphorus.
04:44Yep.
04:44That sounds fun.
04:46Beautiful open water.
04:48You seem to be skipping over the word water bikes.
04:50What I'm really hoping to get out of it, it's 45 minutes.
04:52I'm seeing all the best parts of Istanbul.
04:54I've done it.
04:55Tick it off the list.
05:02Hello.
05:03Hello.
05:03Hello.
05:03We're here to do the water bikes?
05:05Yes.
05:06And this is not like a normal bicycle.
05:08You are doing back, and this boat is going back,
05:11and you are doing forward.
05:12This boat goes forward.
05:13That's easy, right?
05:14And this is like that.
05:15I'll take your photos with your phone.
05:17It's very sunshine photos.
05:18Totally 45 minutes.
05:19Has anyone ever fallen in the water?
05:21No.
05:21I believe that we could be the first people to fall in ever
05:24off a water bike in the Bosphorus, yes.
05:26I've never seen anything like this.
05:28It's a bike.
05:30It's a boat.
05:32And it's a decking for your back garden.
05:35When I first saw the bike, I thought, oh, yeah,
05:37it's just an ironing board on a lilo.
05:39You should go first, and she's come to be on the back side, OK?
05:43OK.
05:43You're leading.
05:44I don't know if that's the best of the plan.
05:46Oh.
05:46OK.
05:47I'd rather not be out on my own.
05:48OK.
05:49All right.
05:49Are you OK?
05:50Yep.
05:50OK.
05:51Roisin, right behind you.
05:52OK.
05:53Careful, Sarah.
05:53Careful.
05:54Why?
05:54I'm not about to crash into you.
05:55Imagine if we drove cars, Roisin.
05:58How dangerous the roads would be.
06:00I'm backing up.
06:01OK.
06:02It's one of the dirtiest waterways in the world.
06:04So the jeopardy of falling in is more than it's ever been.
06:08It's time to get out of this canal and onto the Bosphorus,
06:11if we can.
06:13There's a big boat coming.
06:15OK.
06:15You should be...
06:15We've got right of way, because we're basically pedestrians.
06:19You should go left.
06:19Left?
06:20This way?
06:20Ma'am.
06:21Left.
06:22Left?
06:22Go left.
06:23I have to let the boat past?
06:24Yeah.
06:24I'm making a TV program.
06:26It should wait for me.
06:28I don't think it's that relaxing.
06:30Do you not feel relaxed?
06:31No.
06:31And there's a canoe coming towards me as well.
06:34I've got a boat and a canoe.
06:35We're just drifting.
06:36We're just drifting embarrassingly.
06:38There's another boat.
06:39There's loads of boats.
06:40Oh, no.
06:41Now we're going to stop, don't we?
06:42No, we shouldn't be going down here.
06:44But I'm going to have to back out.
06:45Oh, Roisin.
06:46Right.
06:46I'm backing out.
06:47I'm backing out.
06:47Of course it's not safe.
06:48Don't crash into the back of me.
06:49And this boat's about to hit us.
06:50I don't know my left from right.
06:52Can you tell him I don't know my left from right?
06:54All of a sudden, it was rush hour.
06:55You are about to hit a canoe.
06:57You're going to hit a canoe.
06:57Sorry, I can't avoid you, canoe.
07:00Hellish.
07:01Hellish.
07:02It's hellish.
07:03I think the key is to go fast and make people avoid us.
07:07I'm happy here.
07:09Roisin, I'm on the open water.
07:11Catch me up.
07:12There's a canoe.
07:13Can someone help me?
07:15Wait, wait, wait.
07:17There's a canoe and a boat.
07:19I can't even see you, Roisin.
07:21I'm coming back for you.
07:22I'm turning as fast as I can.
07:25There's a fast boat coming.
07:27I mean...
07:27I'm turning as fast as I can.
07:31Sarah, this is the worst.
07:35Maybe this way's better.
07:37Is this way better?
07:38Back and right.
07:39Right.
07:40I don't know my right from left.
07:42I can't see anything.
07:43There's another bloody ship coming.
07:45It's going to the middle of that.
07:46But what are the rules of the water?
07:48No problem.
07:49Sarah, at least you've got some action.
07:50I've been parked up for most of it.
07:52Come on, do you have the fun?
07:52It's just dodging boats.
07:54I keep trying to and I keep getting bullied back in.
07:56Careful.
07:56You're going to squish me.
07:57We did struggle to command the water.
07:59Have you ever tried to drive an ironing board?
08:01I'm coming, Sarah.
08:02Come.
08:05Where is she?
08:07Where is she?
08:08Where's my friend?
08:12It's like a spin class.
08:14A hellish spin class.
08:15It's like SoulCycle with Jeopardy.
08:18Ma'am, you should do it back.
08:20Do it back.
08:21You again.
08:23You're very bossy.
08:24Me and Ibo, our guys fell out right from the beginning, really.
08:28Call me Madam.
08:29Madam's my mother.
08:30And, yeah, just telling me right, left, backwards, forwards.
08:34I don't respond well to alpha males.
08:36I'm in a woman in a man's world.
08:38I make up my own mind.
08:40This is it.
08:41The open water, Roisin.
08:42This is why we came on holiday.
08:44Oh, my God.
08:46Roisin, it's the sea.
08:48Finally, we've made it to the Bosphorus.
08:51You get down the end and it's really beautiful.
08:53It is, you get to the main waterway and it's open water and you're on an ironing board.
08:59And you feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway.
09:01You're like, I shouldn't be allowed out here.
09:07The time has come to ironing board our way to some Byzantine history.
09:12So there was a moment where it did get really good.
09:15I got to the end of the waterway.
09:17I could see the expanse of the rippling blue ocean.
09:25It's about to get amazing.
09:28Turn it back.
09:29My time was up.
09:30I had to turn around and come back.
09:32Saying turn back.
09:32What do you want us to do?
09:33OK, so we've mainly had a tour of the canal.
09:37We haven't made it to the UNESCO World Heritage Sites, but we have seen a lot of angry canoeists.
09:43And there's the trip back down the canal to enjoy.
09:47Roisin's chatting the locals up.
09:48He's got the broom out for me.
09:54He's going to shoo me away.
10:02Here I am, getting the brush off.
10:03That's Perth.
10:04Thank you so much.
10:06I think if it had been very relaxing, it might not have been as memorable.
10:12Yeah, she leapt off that boat like a baby deer.
10:16Oh, my God, I've got survivor's euphoria.
10:18Sorry about my attitude.
10:20No problem.
10:20Oh, you got off nice and graceful.
10:21I crawled off.
10:22He hates me.
10:23I've made a really powerful enemy on the water.
10:26My legs are all shaky like a spin class.
10:28Well, we've worked hard.
10:30That was absolutely...
10:31A long, long time on the river.
10:33I thought that was all the things.
10:35It was chaotic, terrifying and brilliant.
10:38I was like, this is so boring, this waterway.
10:41It's full of other canoeists and other boats.
10:42Oh, my God, why would anyone do this?
10:44And then right at the end, I was like, oh, my God, it's amazing.
10:56We're in Istanbul, exploring the European side of the city,
10:59and we're starting with an ancient Turkish tradition.
11:03Every country I've ever been to, I go to a fortune teller.
11:05And do you find...
11:06Looking for a new story, you know?
11:07Yeah, do you find that they all say the same thing?
11:10Pretty much.
11:10You're like, I'll try again.
11:11I'm in Istanbul.
11:13Oh, here we go.
11:15Cheers.
11:16Cheers.
11:17Do you like Turkish coffee?
11:18Oh, boy, oh, boy, I do like...
11:19Why are yours bigger?
11:21They're always on the look.
11:22Maybe they like me more.
11:23This is not a good start.
11:26This is an absolutely shocking start to the trip.
11:28So gritty.
11:31Look at my tooth.
11:33Look at my tooth.
11:35That's my future.
11:36I've drunk my future.
11:38Oh, you're going to meet a lovely guy.
11:41And it's going to say you've got something on your teeth.
11:45Coffee reading is the ancient Turkish art
11:47of telling people's fortunes
11:49by looking at the sludge in the bottom of a coffee cup.
11:52Remember, people didn't have the internet for ages.
12:02Hello.
12:02Hello.
12:03Lovely to meet you.
12:04I'm Roisin.
12:05This is Sarah.
12:05Gamzee.
12:06This is Sarah.
12:07Sarah.
12:07Local psychic Gamzee gets straight down to business.
12:25Claire Balding.
12:30I'm going to fortune tellers all over the world
12:34and normally
12:36they sort of show a little bit of interest.
12:50Hello.
12:51She didn't try and guess one single thing.
12:52She said if I had a sister
12:53and they said she's going to have a good business
12:54and that was it.
12:57Will I ever go to the Nashville Country Music Awards?
13:05Is that your dream?
13:06As a guest or a performer?
13:10Okay.
13:11Can I get it?
13:13Get that hat.
13:13She had a nice Amina,
13:14but 50 euros,
13:16she's out of her mind.
13:18Isimliydi?
13:19Sarah.
13:20Sarah-cim çok enerji olarak çok yĂŒkseksin.
13:25Yani çok iyi bir konumdasın.
13:28Zaten bu enerjini etrafa da yayıyorsun sen.
13:32Ah, ha, ha.
13:32Fortune teller or superfan?
13:33She basically fell in love with me.
13:35Belli noktada rĂŒyaların da çıkar.
13:37Wow.
13:39Oh, my dreams gone.
13:40Nice.
13:40Must be nice.
13:41Sarah's in for a lovely time.
13:43An absolute lovely time.
13:44Seriously,
13:45why is there sludge
13:46so much better than my sludge?
13:47We're looking for adventure
13:48in Istanbul.
13:49What should we do?
13:51Ya, burada BĂŒyĂŒkada'ya gitme enerjisi aldım.
13:54Ve oraya da gittiÄinizde
13:55dilek aÄacında dileyeceksiniz.
13:58A magic tree that grants wishes.
14:00On to the itinerary it goes.
14:02Seems like we're all really busying up.
14:05You need a receptionist.
14:06Alo.
14:07I think she might be a receptionist.
14:09Sonra arayacaksınız.
14:10She's giving them a reading.
14:34And she's answering halfway through a sentence.
14:39And it could be quite important.
14:40Like, you've got a huge problem with your health.
14:42Hello?
14:43I understand.
14:44But I'm not sure if I'm sure you'll be waiting for it.
14:47One hour later.
14:48Bye.
14:49You were saying I had really good energy.
14:53Oh, God.
14:54Sorry.
14:55Sorry.
14:56Tamam.
14:56This is quite personal.
14:59Right.
15:00We know we're not wanted.
15:01So we've left Gamzee to it.
15:02And we're taking our women's parts off on a tour of the worst reviewed spots on the European side of
15:07the city.
15:08Have the review sites done them wrong?
15:16Well, the internet says that one of the things that tourists do in Istanbul is you go to, like, a
15:22traditional Turkish barbers.
15:25Which is like a male beauticians.
15:27Yes.
15:29Sounds nice.
15:29Hairy men.
15:30Hairy men.
15:30And we are...
15:31Delicate ladies.
15:33After you, milady.
15:34Thank you, my love.
15:35Hello.
15:36Hello.
15:37How are you doing?
15:38I'm Roisin.
15:39This is Sarah.
15:40Ziki and Sarah.
15:41Hello.
15:42Hello.
15:42So this is a traditional Turkish barber?
15:44Yes.
15:44Yes.
15:44Okay.
15:45I instantly saw the barber and wanted to run away.
15:48The chairs were sellotaped together.
15:50I don't know how hygienic it was either.
15:52I've never been in a barber's before.
15:54Yeah.
15:54Have you?
15:55Yeah.
15:56Wax?
15:57Why do you look at me and say wax?
16:00We went, wax.
16:01So we have to pretend we don't need anything done.
16:03This is like a broken chair.
16:05A man with a towel sort of going to me, you need your whole face done.
16:08Got to make out, like, what could you ladies even be here for?
16:10But he's like, wax.
16:12Wax.
16:13I'm going to get my nose done.
16:14No, no.
16:14Yeah, it works.
16:15I'm going to get it done.
16:16Are you?
16:17Yeah, I think I've got a few stragglers.
16:19Okay.
16:20There's no...
16:20There was no, just no lubing me up straight in.
16:22But there's no, like, relaxing music playing?
16:25No, it's business.
16:26Magazines.
16:27Would you like some tea, madam?
16:29I quite like it.
16:30Do you?
16:31More business-like.
16:32Oh, okay.
16:32Okay.
16:35Should we have a safe word, Roche?
16:37Works.
16:38Not my lips.
16:39No, my lips are down.
16:40This is not ideal.
16:42I get laser treatment, thank you very much.
16:44I just get a treatment, if that's what we're calling what just happened to me.
16:47So he's got, like, a little globule on a cotton bud and he's blowing it.
16:50This feels like a really bad choice.
16:52You're very brave.
16:53Don't break my little nose.
16:54Oh, my God.
16:55Roche does have a very small nose, but much smaller than not only men, but also normal-sized women.
17:00What have I agreed to?
17:01I'm on holiday.
17:01I put a lot of flans to it.
17:03No, no, no.
17:03Nothing else.
17:04Nothing else.
17:04Nothing else.
17:06It's not great for the confident, though.
17:07I can't watch this now.
17:08I can't watch.
17:08Oh, are you okay?
17:09Do you need me to hold your hand?
17:10I was really sore.
17:12Wow.
17:13I was really sore.
17:14Really?
17:14Oh, my God, amazing.
17:16I think it made my nose bigger.
17:17You're not getting wined and dined.
17:19You're getting the hairs ripped out of your face publicly.
17:23Dogs sort of looking in the window.
17:26No, I'm good.
17:27You'll never see me again.
17:28Thank you very much.
17:29That's not how I want to get waxed.
17:32Absolutely not.
17:33By someone just dipping, shoving it everywhere.
17:35That's no.
17:37Well, you'll go.
17:38Fair's fair.
17:38I'm okay, thank you.
17:40I'm okay, thank you.
17:41Okay, see you later.
17:43The chairs are set of taped together.
17:45See, this is because your fortune teller told you you're lucky.
17:47I'm very lucky that you went first because I don't want to do it.
17:49Sarah watched me and said, absolutely no way.
17:52I can't.
17:53I can't, Roche.
17:54It's bleeding, just that one.
17:55Thank you, sir.
17:58Bye-bye.
17:58Unbelievable.
18:00It turns out I love my hairy nose.
18:01Come on.
18:06It's lunchtime.
18:07And how better to show off my beautiful new nostrils
18:10than with a trip to Sir Dancy Mehmet,
18:13a famous food spot that has definitely got tongues wagging on the review sites.
18:17So, a lot of these are one stars.
18:19People wishing they'd never gone.
18:21You know, really regretting their experience.
18:23Definitely do not try it, says another one star review.
18:26You're not the boss of me.
18:26I'm trying it.
18:28It's really busy, isn't it?
18:29Smoky.
18:30It's like stars in their eyes.
18:32Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be
18:35disgusted by the food.
18:37First up, the appetizers.
18:40Come on.
18:41Thank you very much.
18:43So, this is a drink
18:44of yoghurt
18:46and milk
18:48and salt.
18:55It's yoghurt with salt.
18:58It's sort of delicious.
18:59Is it?
19:00But also mad.
19:02It's absolutely bonkers.
19:04Mad, yeah.
19:04Little did I know, this was only starter level mad.
19:08I think it's raw meatballs.
19:09It can't be raw.
19:11I can't.
19:12Raw meatballs.
19:13Okay, I'm not eating raw meatballs.
19:15You've got meatballs.
19:16And then you say,
19:17what if we don't cook them?
19:18Not more.
19:19No, no, no, we're good.
19:21They've misinterpreted you saying raw meatballs.
19:24There's some absolute meals going around this restaurant.
19:27I just saw sausages that are like 20 long fingers.
19:29They're awful.
19:30It's awful.
19:30It's not sausages.
19:31It's all innards.
19:33Oh.
19:34I love it.
19:35Yeah.
19:36It's really good.
19:37And he does look a lot of fun, this guy.
19:39Very fine with stuff.
19:40What's that?
19:40What's happening?
19:41What's happening?
19:42No, no, no.
19:42Then there was another mystery-looking yoghurt.
19:45I thought, well, this is more yoghurt.
19:46It wasn't yoghurt.
19:47Not yoghurt.
19:48Not yoghurt?
19:49Not yoghurt.
19:51What's happened?
19:52Meat.
19:53Meat happened.
19:54Meat in a white sauce?
19:56I just wasn't expecting it.
19:57White liquid meat.
19:58It was yoghurt texture with stew flavour.
20:05And my brain said, sexy.
20:08That bread's very lovely.
20:10What's this?
20:10This is lovely.
20:11Really, really tasty.
20:13Onions and tomato.
20:14Now they're all like undisguised.
20:15I feel like this could be cereal.
20:17Oh, yeah, like that show, like, is it cake?
20:20Is it yoghurt?
20:21Is it yoghurt?
20:23Yeah, game shows don't make the best dining experiences.
20:26We beat a hasty retreat before any more mystery foods came out.
20:30And luckily, I've got the perfect, non-gross pampering session lined up.
20:35Leeches is something that you can't get in very many places in the world.
20:39Turkey might be known for its medical services,
20:42but these little guys are less popular.
20:46Ding, ding, ding.
20:48Is there a bell or something?
20:49I'm sorry.
20:50HoĆ geldiniz.
20:51Hello.
20:53Leech.
20:53Leech.
20:54So we entered the clinic full of hope and interest, actually.
21:00You hear a lot about proper medicine.
21:02You don't hear a lot about bloodletting anymore.
21:06Leech.
21:07Leech.
21:07Leech.
21:08Leech.
21:08Leech.
21:10Leech.
21:10Leech.
21:11Leech.
21:11Leech.
21:12Leech.
21:12Leech, okay.
21:13Leech, okay, leech.
21:14Leech, okay.
21:15Leech, okay?
21:16Okay.
21:17Leech.
21:19Leech, okay.
21:20Okay.
21:20I decided there and then I will never say the word leech again.
21:23Unfortunately, it was time to get leached.
21:26So I sort of had to.
21:28Felt really great, actually, because anyone wasn't going to get the leeches.
21:31Leech's.
21:32Ănce, sis, sis.
21:33Sisters, no.
21:34No.
21:35Leech's.
21:37She wishes.
21:41Leech.
21:42Leech.
21:43Leech.
21:45Oh, are you a doctor?
21:47I don't know that he is a real doctor.
21:50Antidepressant özelliÄi var.
21:51Neurorexen özelliÄi var.
21:53AÄrı kesici özelliÄi var.
21:54He could just be a man.
21:55He popped out of nowhere.
21:56He said leech a few times.
21:58Leech, why should you do that?
22:00Fortune teller told me that in a few months' time,
22:03I'm going to have problems with my woman's areas.
22:06So it would be great to sort of be prepped.
22:09Olabilir.
22:09Olur.
22:10Gaye fayda da görĂŒrsĂŒnĂŒz.
22:12Great.
22:13Istanbul is actually a hot spot for leech therapy.
22:16The practice boomed during the so-called leech craze in the 19th century
22:19and is relatively common to this day.
22:22Leeches are said to improve blood flow
22:24and are used to treat everything from cardiovascular diseases to
22:27if you're brave enough.
22:30Hemorrhoids.
22:30Oh, God.
22:32See, there's going to be a leech in a second.
22:36Because I'm a vegan and I don't eat animals,
22:38I do feel this is a bit like me giving them something back.
22:41Like, you take my blood for a change.
22:43Yeah, stick another one on.
22:44Oh, God, this one looks more aggressive.
22:47I don't know if it's worse to watch.
22:49That one's just getting bigger.
22:51It was supposed to be.
22:52I'm feeding, they're feeding on me, Roche.
22:53They're going to be the size of a garden slug by the end, hopefully.
22:56I don't think they are feeding on you.
22:57You think they're turning their nose up because they don't eat any protein?
23:00I think there's not enough.
23:02They're just mating.
23:04I've turned the leeches on.
23:06They looked like they were mating on her.
23:08So it was kind of, I'll be honest, erotic.
23:11Leech porn.
23:12I can feel teeth in my skin.
23:13There's definitely something happening.
23:15Oh, now he's in.
23:16Now he's in.
23:17It's a very strange sensation because it's not not a sensation.
23:20You can feel something.
23:21So you can feel little prickles.
23:22And then I think it's like a massive mosquito.
23:24There's a free one.
23:25There's one loose.
23:26There's a loose leech.
23:27Loose leech.
23:28There's two loose leeches.
23:29What's this guy doing in this place?
23:31Just a couple got away.
23:32And I thought, this is exciting stuff.
23:35If I hadn't seen it, there'd be in your, there was two.
23:37There'd be up people's legs.
23:38Guys, watch out for leeches.
23:42All those certificates.
23:43You're not keeping an eye on them, are you?
23:46My review of this clinic, it's two leeches out of five.
23:51It's our third day in Istanbul.
23:53And back at Transplant Towers, we've managed to make a friend.
23:57So we're staying in a hotel where you can't swing a cap
23:59without hitting a guy who's had a hair transplant.
24:02So today, we've ensnared one, Chris.
24:04And we're going to follow him and, you know, watch him have it done.
24:08I'm heading over to Vera Clinic today to get my consultation
24:10for my second hair transplant.
24:11Oh, really?
24:12You're American?
24:13Yes, I'm from the USA.
24:14I flew out of Boston just yesterday.
24:15You came all the way to Turkey?
24:16I did, I did.
24:17I'm super excited.
24:18Do you mind if we come?
24:19Let's do it.
24:20Why did you come to Turkey for a hair transplant?
24:23In the States, it's extremely expensive to get a hair transplant.
24:26How much?
24:27Around 20 to 30K for this operation.
24:29And in Turkey, it's around 5K.
24:31Wow.
24:32So it's cheap.
24:33And it's the exact same operation.
24:34It takes about eight hours for the whole operation.
24:36You're awake the whole time.
24:37What do you do for eight hours?
24:39They have a TV playing with some stuff,
24:40but usually it's, you know, in a different language, to be honest.
24:43They make you watch Turkish television for eight hours.
24:45Yeah, a little bit.
24:46It makes me sad that some people really want hair and I've got so much that I don't want.
24:51The world's not fair.
24:53That's what I said.
24:53I said to everybody, I'm like, I got hair everywhere where I don't want hair.
24:56But I didn't have any on my head.
25:00Chris has shared his hair regrowth journey on his TikTok account,
25:03which has tens of thousands of followers.
25:05Go on, Chris.
25:06And this is his second hair transplant.
25:09Very brave, considering what the procedure involves.
25:11A surgeon individually extracting thousands of follicles from the lower scalp
25:15and then implanting them in the required area.
25:18Like a French exchange, only permanent.
25:20But what is it actually like in one of these places?
25:25Oh, swanky.
25:27It's a bit like being at the vets, you know, when all the animals are in their cones.
25:31There are a lot of very sore heads.
25:33You brought a friend, didn't you?
25:35I did, yes.
25:35So it is like a proper holiday because you've got a friend with me.
25:37Exactly, exactly.
25:38Because we get to have a good time and go to some tourist attractions like we did yesterday.
25:42We went to the, I believe it's called the Sophia or something like that.
25:44Hagia Sophia.
25:45Yeah, yeah.
25:46And we went to a nice restaurant, had dinner outside.
25:49It was awesome.
25:50I guess I'm getting a bit of a taste of what it's like for people to come here
25:52because it's partly a holiday, 20%, 80% medical procedure.
25:57Nice to meet you.
25:58Nice to meet you too, if you're ready.
25:59So I'll take you to the doctor's consultation.
26:01First time, sir.
26:02Awesome.
26:02Good luck, Chris.
26:02Thank you, guys.
26:03Good luck.
26:03I appreciate it.
26:04I'll see you guys soon, all right?
26:05See you in a bit.
26:06And while Chris gets ready, we've got just enough time to check out the clinic's cabaret area.
26:13Sarah, there's a piano to let you know you're on holiday.
26:16Come on.
26:19Join me.
26:21Join me at the table.
26:22I'm going to stand here.
26:23Are you going to sing?
26:23Because, you know, I need a hair-o.
26:31I learnt I had real music abilities to soothe.
26:37Beautiful.
26:41I felt all of their attention leave their body when they heard my tunes.
26:45Getting your hair done.
26:50Getting your hair done.
26:54Don't be scared.
26:59There's a lot of men who just stopped crying.
27:01Not only is there a piano, we found a nice coffee bar in this clinic.
27:05We are on holiday.
27:06Hello.
27:06How are you doing?
27:07We've got some iced coffees.
27:08Oh, there you go.
27:10A little juice for the day, right?
27:11We can post you some music.
27:12Oh, okay.
27:13On the piano.
27:14Oh, you did?
27:16So, now they're about to take some blood from me, and I'm going to be getting the stem cell
27:19treatments.
27:20Do you have your bloods taken now?
27:21Don't let us stop you.
27:22We're just here on holiday watching.
27:27Before they start doing the hair transplant, you have to be completely bald.
27:30It's like backwards to go forwards.
27:32Never done this before, Chris.
27:33Yeah.
27:33You can do my legs afterwards.
27:35Okay, okay.
27:36You're lucky this isn't a Turkish barber.
27:37He'll be straight up your nose.
27:38We shaved him because it needed to be done.
27:41I'm breaking ground.
27:43I'm coming in, Chris.
27:44I'd go on holiday just to do this.
27:46To shave the heads of strangers.
27:48Yeah.
27:49Book me up, Thomas Cook.
27:50It's a bit like a petting zoo, but you get to shave a man.
27:53Exactly.
27:53It's very stress relieving, shaving a human being.
27:56I had no idea.
27:57I now think there should be sort of like sanctuaries for busy businesswomen like myself.
28:01Get given a razor and a kid.
28:03You know, just a student.
28:04He can't afford a hairdresser.
28:05I need to unwind.
28:07This is get me on Dragon's Den.
28:09And does it feel emotional seeing yourself like this?
28:11It's definitely, it definitely is a crazy feeling.
28:14I actually get it all the time.
28:17Does it feel emotional?
28:19Yeah.
28:20Does it feel emotional?
28:20Let me just blow the rest out.
28:21Are you having any sort of as extensual?
28:24Yeah.
28:25The time has come to leave Chris to his hairy destiny and eight hours of Turkish telly.
28:31Oh, so we leave you.
28:32It's go time.
28:33It's now time for the operation.
28:35Nice to meet you guys, seriously.
28:36Good luck with the stem cells.
28:37Thank you so much.
28:38Thank you so much.
28:39It was lovely to meet you.
28:40Thank you for the haircut.
28:41I feel very fresh.
28:42It's life changing.
28:43If you're a 22 year old man and you're really depressed and feeling sad about going bald,
28:48it seems like it's a proper establishment.
28:49It's not like he's going to wake up and he's got like a wig stapled on or like tufts of
28:53head or a tail or something, you know, which I'm sure some places won't be reputable.
28:59And no doubt Chris's transplant will be a complete success thanks to our expert shaving.
29:03It's like painting and decorating.
29:0590% of it's in the prep.
29:13And as a reward for our hard work, we're off for a treatment that's a bit more our speed.
29:17A Turkish classic.
29:19Where are we going, Sarah?
29:21Traditional Turkish hamam, which is like, I think like a day spa.
29:25Okay.
29:25But it's the kind of thing people do in Turkey.
29:28And people love this kind of stuff, don't they?
29:30So it must be really relaxing.
29:40Very traditional.
29:42Two massages, please.
29:44Hamam.
29:44Hamam?
29:4522 euros.
29:4722 euros is very cheap.
29:49That's the thing, isn't it?
29:49We're cheap.
29:50There's good sheep and there's dangerously cheap.
29:52This feels dangerous.
29:56This is what I imagine a really nice women's prison would look like.
30:06I've got exactly this bed in.
30:08I'm not the waterproof mat.
30:09No, I'm just all stuck with the old pillow.
30:12Slowly.
30:14Slowly.
30:15Down, you're down.
30:16I'm going to lie down here.
30:17I'm going to lie down here.
30:18I'm going to lie down here.
30:18I'm going to lie down here.
30:18I'm going to lie down here.
30:19I'm going to lie down here.
30:19I think it evolved because there was one slab.
30:22And so we did Sarah.
30:24I sort of had a cuck chair to watch my friend get lathered up.
30:28There's no way to watch this and not look like a pervert.
30:30Well, Roisin's role in the spa as a watcher, I think unnerved us all.
30:35Do that up to you.
30:36You rub her down.
30:37I'm going to lie down here.
30:38I'm going to lie down here.
30:38What's happening?
30:39Oh, oh.
30:40It's more the unknown.
30:42Oh, it's a lot of suds.
30:44That is a lot of suds straight off the bat.
30:46No messing.
30:47But I see...
30:49It's not happening.
30:53It was a lovely lady, tickled me to death with the biggest sponge I've ever seen.
30:59And it kept stopping me like I'd done something wrong.
31:02Here we go.
31:03Now we're cooking on gas.
31:05It was really fun to watch Sarah keep trying to close her eyes and then going like that.
31:08That was my favourite bit.
31:22Go on.
31:23It's sadism.
31:26Because I think it's funny.
31:27Definitely feel like she's in charge.
31:29Maybe I'm not a good old matrix.
31:32I haven't thought that because I can get them to tell me to do my ad here.
31:35It looks very much like I've interrupted you on the toilet.
31:38So...
31:40There's something about watching someone really purposely try to relax that brings out in
31:47me something of, like, not on my watch.
31:50It's a little bit, Jack.
31:51I think I should finish.
31:52It's a little bit.
31:52The cat is not getting past.
31:55Oh, God.
31:56You're on your side.
31:57I'm so sorry.
31:58You're on your side.
31:59I'm so sorry.
32:00You're on your side.
32:01I'm so sorry.
32:02I have to get Sarah now.
32:04I'm so sorry.
32:05I'll do it to me.
32:05I'll do it to me.
32:07I'll do it to me.
32:08I'll do it to me.
32:11I'll do it to me.
32:11I'll do it to me.
32:11I'll do it to me.
32:12I'll do it to me.
32:12She looked more confused by me chucking it over myself in my gown.
32:16She was like, what is happening?
32:17What game is this?
32:18I think that's our cue to leave.
32:25It's the last day of our Zero Stars experience in Istanbul, and we can deny destiny no longer.
32:30Gamzee, the phone-addicted fortune teller, has told us we must visit a local mystical island.
32:35So we're boarding the mystical ferry to meet our fate.
32:41So the island we're going to doesn't have any cars.
32:45Uh-huh.
32:46So what you have is bikes.
32:47Yeah.
32:47But you cycle and you go to the monastery, which has got that wishing tree.
32:51You've got the fortune teller who loves you.
32:54My friend.
32:55Your best friend.
32:56She foretold you would make a wish.
32:58And it's a place loads of people go to to make a special wish.
33:01We're like pilgrims.
33:02Yeah.
33:03We're like wish pilgrims.
33:05Would you like some reviews of this boat trip?
33:07Sure thing.
33:07This is one star, horrible experience.
33:10After a disappointing day on the boat, we were unexpectedly forced to attend a fashion show before heading back to
33:19the bus.
33:19None of us were informed about this.
33:21They tried to sell us leather coats.
33:24The outrage!
33:25I mean...
33:26A fashion show?
33:27I hope we get made to go to a fashion show.
33:29Let's put one on with these guys.
33:32We've arrived at Buyukada, which in Turkish means Big Island.
33:38It's such a poetic language.
33:54I'm looking out for bikes.
33:56Wherever I can see them.
33:58I'm looking out for love.
33:59That man's offering you some doughnuts.
34:02I'll have it.
34:03Oh my God.
34:04I won't say no.
34:04Rose, you don't know what he is.
34:11Are we making a cooking programme now?
34:14It's really good.
34:17Sarah.
34:17I don't take food off strange men.
34:19I'm not a strange man.
34:21I'm your friend.
34:21No, there he is.
34:22Come on, we've got bikes.
34:23It's really good.
34:24What's on here?
34:25Roisin.
34:26Roisin!
34:30Welcome to Big Island.
34:33That was a very big voice.
34:35I'm a big island.
34:36Hello, lady.
34:38How are you, lady?
34:40Oh, she's got breasts.
34:43It's an old woman.
34:44It's an old woman.
34:48I love it.
34:49I'll eat the breasts.
34:52I'm not getting one.
34:53I don't want to be insulted in ice cream.
34:56I'm not insulted.
34:57I had enough of that at the waxing studio.
34:59What flavour's that blue one?
35:00Breast milk.
35:04I like these bikes because they've got flowers on the front.
35:07We're hiring bikes to take us to Big Island's big tourist attraction.
35:12A monastery where you can make a wish on a mystical wishing tree.
35:17Oh, that was broken.
35:18Well used, I'd say.
35:20Experienced bikes.
35:22We are here now.
35:22Follow the lines.
35:23You go from here to the top.
35:24Okay.
35:25And come back.
35:25So it's a half an hour cycle.
35:28Nice 20 minute walk.
35:29Yeah.
35:29Make a wish.
35:30That's a nice day out.
35:31Sure.
35:32It's seven kilometers.
35:33Oh, okay.
35:33Go on and come back.
35:34What?
35:34Okay, there and back.
35:36So it's four kilometers.
35:36That's too long.
35:37The wish.
35:37Think of your wish.
35:38Listen, before the ice cream I was struggling with the idea of this.
35:41We set off.
35:42Our baskets full of flowers.
35:44Our hearts full of wishes.
35:46Roisin full of ice cream.
35:49Sorry, I'm driving on the wrong side of the road.
35:52It was humbling because Pascoe flew up the hill.
35:55This is just sort of a low level hill and I'm already struggling.
35:59I don't know how much further I've got, Sarah.
36:07That's me done.
36:09You're sold the idea of a bike.
36:10You think, well, it must be a really nice cycle route.
36:12It's not.
36:13Oh, it's so steep.
36:15There we go.
36:16Oh, I broke it.
36:17I'm becoming a danger.
36:19Oh, ah!
36:20Oh, God!
36:21Wish me like one, two, three.
36:23Ah!
36:24What have I done to it?
36:25Oh!
36:27Take it and hide it in a hedge.
36:29Oh, no!
36:29Don't worry, there's only seven and a half kilometres to go.
36:33Oh, no!
36:35Oh, Jane!
36:37It's a vertical road to the monastery.
36:41Vertical.
36:42This is like last of the summer wine.
36:45We decided to walk our piles of scrap metal up the hill.
36:49Can't you see my wishes have already come in true?
36:50It's just more hills, Sarah.
37:01It's an insane way to travel.
37:03You're basically just bringing luggage.
37:11I'm going to make a wish.
37:13Yeah.
37:13No more hills.
37:18As the saying goes, when you're going through tough times, remember that difficult roads
37:24often lead to beautiful destinations.
37:28Not always.
37:29Oh, wow.
37:31This view is beautiful.
37:32Look at this side.
37:33Yeah.
37:33Because this side is...
37:34No, it's confusing.
37:35It's really upsetting.
37:36It's really beautiful.
37:37And then there's loads of bins.
37:38Oh, my God, though.
37:38You've got a mattress up here, Sarah.
37:41OK, we've ticked the sacred stained mattress off our list, but where is the magic wishing
37:46tree?
37:47That little one.
37:49That's the one from the picture.
37:50This one feels like the main one.
37:51And there's lots of little ribbons and bows.
37:56They're not ribbons.
37:58And these are bounty wrappers.
38:01You're a favourite.
38:02Have you been here before?
38:03But look, Sarah.
38:03They're bounty wrappers.
38:04They're just junk.
38:06Whether it was the spirits at work or heat exhaustion, we were grateful to have reached
38:11the ancient bin bag tree.
38:13We made it.
38:14We did.
38:15We did.
38:17Thank you, God.
38:18So the wishing tree, the small wishing tree, covered in rubbish.
38:22Amazing that we're now going to get our wishes to come true.
38:24Did you bring anything?
38:26Alas, we'd forgotten to bring our magic bin bag, so we had to make do.
38:31I've got a tampon.
38:34Tampon?
38:34Yeah.
38:35I've got a little bit of ribbon.
38:37Yeah, pretty.
38:38This has got like a string, which is why I thought it would be perfect.
38:41Wishing, we're doing wishing, wishing on the tree.
38:48I feel bad about tying the tampon and that's disrespectful.
38:50That's the wrong foot in me.
38:51You can't take me on holiday.
38:52Do you know what I'm wishing for?
38:53What?
38:54I wish I got my nose waxed.
38:55I've regretted it for days.
38:57Yeah, I can smell a lot, actually.
38:58But I'm going to do my wish now.
39:00I'm really putting my whole spirit into it.
39:06Wishing, wishing, wishing on the tree.
39:10Thank you, tree.
39:12Thank you, tree.
39:13Would you like to hear some of the bad reviews of this place?
39:15Bad reviews?
39:16What's not to like?
39:17It won't surprise you that a lot of them are about the hill.
39:20It is very tiring.
39:21Walking is like death, someone's written.
39:23These are my people.
39:24Then with a comma, nothing else.
39:25So maybe they died halfway through the sentence, sadly.
39:28Let's see what else we've got.
39:30Don't go up the hill.
39:31Don't go up the hill.
39:32Don't go up the hill, everyone's saying.
39:34Too late for us.
39:35Can we have a look in the monastery?
39:37I don't think so.
39:38We're not monks.
39:39Is that real?
39:40Yeah.
39:40So this is it.
39:42What?
39:44This is the...
39:45This is it.
39:46No, no, no.
39:47Don't go in the monastery.
39:48But there's a church.
39:50You don't go in it.
39:51It's not for us.
39:52Why not?
39:53It's this.
39:53People walk up here just for this tree, Roche.
39:55Come off it.
39:56You brought me up here.
39:58I knew you didn't understand.
39:59You said the word monastery so many times.
40:00Because it's the tree at the monastery.
40:03But we could have gone the tree at the road.
40:04The monastery's got nothing to do with the tree.
40:06I'm having...
40:08What do you mean?
40:09You can't go in it and light a candle even.
40:11You cannot invite people up to a tree.
40:14Sarah, get the reviews up.
40:16Because I've got something to say.
40:26We've come to Turkey hoping to feel like new people.
40:28And I've discovered a lot about myself.
40:31I found out that I love shaving men.
40:33That canal boating is not for me.
40:35And that I could be a sex therapist for leeches.
40:38I would have wished more ambitiously if I knew they were all going to become true.
40:42I give this trip three and a half stars out of five.
40:45Apart from the non-monastery, I've had a good time.
40:49I got to watch Sarah get slapped about.
40:51And I was able to smell her fear all the better.
40:52Thanks to a very no-nonsense barber.
40:54It's a solid four out of five for me.
40:58Sarah.
40:59Yeah.
40:59Do you know what it is now?
41:01Yeah.
41:01Downhill.
41:02Yeah.
41:02It's all downhill from here as they say.
41:04Okay.
41:05And that is pleasure.
41:09I love you too.
41:12It's really lovely.
41:20Bye.
41:21Bye.
41:22Bye.
41:31Bye.
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