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00:20Oh
00:21Great there's a dog poo
00:29We're here baby most travelers avoid bad reviews
00:32Let's see what the review says one star one star one star. I've never seen anything more stupid if I
00:38could give it zero stars
00:39I would not us
00:43I'm Sarah Pascoe
00:45I'm
00:46I'm Roisin Conaty
00:49We're comedians, but more importantly best friends as someone who has received bad reviews
00:55I will always try to look to the good so we're turning the tables on the review sites
00:59They were so busy typing in their phone lonely they forgot to look out and visiting places based on the
01:04worst reviews
01:05I'm closer. It's nothing to be afraid of my review is 100 stars, but will this journey of salvation be
01:11a five-star fun fest?
01:14I'm an absolute killer
01:17Or are we in for a holiday from hell?
01:34Welcome to Albania welcome to Tehran. Thank you. We've both never been here before it's our first time
01:42We're Albanian virgins
01:48What do I know about Albania? I know it's very close to Greece. I've had the people are nice and
01:54I know
01:57As I'm doing this into a realize I don't know a lot
02:00How do I say thank you in Albanian? It's a little bit long
02:05Let's give it a go
02:13I'll have this language in notes. Yeah
02:17The point of the trip for me is to make up my own mind. So I want to see as
02:19much of Albania as possible
02:21I want to see the extremes. I want to see the new things. I want to see the traditional things
02:24I want to get right into the underbelly of what makes Albania Albania and hopefully have a lovely time
02:31For years Albania was the North Korea of Europe a communist state totally closed off to the world
02:40Now it's opened up to tourism and some are calling it the Maldives of Europe
02:46So we're traveling from the capital to the coast to the countryside to see if we agree with reviews like
02:53this
02:54Albania is my least favorite place on earth. You're going to have a bad time. Oh, you know us. We
03:01love a challenge
03:04I think it's there
03:07You probably think I've over packed
03:10Definitely over packed
03:13The Rosa Blue Hotel in Serrana who could resist this review bugs were coming out of the bed all the
03:20time pubic hair everywhere and
03:23such a warm welcome
03:25Is this the hotel that can't be the hotel
03:33Well, we've got one each to guard us
03:35Hello, sir, like like your gun
03:38I don't know their friends or foes are they looking at us?
03:41I don't want to look at them in case they're watching us now and we've been suspicious. Don't be suspicious.
03:46I can't not be suspicious
03:48It's my nature. I said nice gun to him overrated
03:53Welcome to Serrana
03:58He's right they both say down
04:01Why do you have a choice?
04:04Why do you have a choice?
04:05Why? There's no up. How do you get upstairs?
04:08How do you get up?
04:09I'll just see what that's
04:11Oh!
04:15What is this?
04:18What is this?
04:21It's pretty clean
04:22It's lovely and clean
04:23Considering
04:24Compared to the reception
04:25I'm now like, okay fine
04:26Hang on, hang on
04:28Hang on
04:29Hang on
04:31Holy hang on
04:32This is fancy
04:35You're such a pervert
04:36Look at that bar
04:37This is like how I imagine Craig David lives all the time in Miami
04:42I like this
04:43Do you not like it?
04:44Well, I hope you enjoy your poo
04:46Hang on
04:47This could be a problem Roche
04:50I'll just be a minute
04:52Well it's sound proof
04:54No you can't hear what I'm doing can you?
04:56No you can't hear what you're doing
04:59Look it is really clean but this is a very weird room
05:02It's the pink bit as well round the top
05:05The light, the lighting, the art
05:08Oh I asked for that
05:10I emailed them
05:11Give me a glass tree for the love of God
05:15I love this bath
05:16Oh no
05:17This is how I want to live
05:20I can't guarantee I won't turn the taps off
05:22Get up
05:23Okay there's one pube
05:24There's one pube I'm getting out
05:25There's a pube?
05:26Don't look at it
05:27But that happens in every hotel
05:29Can't get them all if there's been a hairy man in
05:32Yeah it's like a
05:34Welcome
05:35Yes
05:36Right so where's your room?
05:38We'll see what this one's like and then we decide which one
05:40Who sleeps in
05:41Well you're having puberty
05:42Oh my god this is
05:44Oh my god
05:46I love it
05:48I think this is how pop styles live
05:50This is probably what Tom Jones' bedroom looks like
05:53I think you'd have more towels
05:55This is a good idea, pebbles when you get out of the bath
05:58To make you feel like you've been to the beach like Brighton
06:01Oh that's exactly it
06:02You have a cold bath
06:03It is look
06:04Oh it's
06:07What is in there though?
06:09There's another room or something
06:10What?
06:13What's that beeping noise?
06:15I think it's a lift
06:17It is a lift
06:18It is a lift
06:18Oh my god
06:20I find that scary
06:23You can't get in it
06:24I've never seen that as a feature in a hotel before
06:27Like imagine if we pressed that button and then that is where the man the scary man is
06:30He's just like hi guys
06:32It's where I'd hide
06:33He could see you in the bath
06:34I don't like it actually
06:37Well it's your room
06:38Oh is it now?
06:39Now it's my room is it?
06:41That tube's looking pretty good right now
06:42Well I'm going to get one of the guys with the guns to come up and sleep next to me
06:44and protect me
06:47It's just 2.7 Sarah
06:49Well here we go top review
06:51Lady manager very nice
06:52Helpful foodies goose
06:54Breakfast funtastic
06:56Funtastic
06:57Fun putting the fun into breakfast
07:00Room doesn't have water that's the only problem
07:01So this is a family complaining about smell but they say they've got a son so it's probably him
07:06They saw a mouse there
07:08Whereas I like mice don't I so that's okay
07:10There is something about pubes and we can verify that
07:14It's strange
07:14Yeah
07:15Strange isn't bad
07:16It's just different
07:18Yeah so should we go and explore Tarana?
07:21Yeah bebe
07:21Let's Tarana it up
07:30Our first stop a tourist attraction reviewers have called Pointless and Ugly
07:34We'll show them Pointless and Ugly
07:37I can't say I'm excited about this
07:39I am excited about it Sarah
07:41Ta da
07:42Well that is a whole lot of pyramid
07:47Apparently it's one of the worst reviewed things in Tarana
07:49That's why we're here we don't want to see any of the good stuff
07:52Oh no we're not here for that
08:04It's English people, are you English people?
08:07We knew we spotted you
08:09Do you think this is a good pyramid?
08:11It's a pyramid
08:12Yeah
08:14We're going to the seaside tomorrow
08:15Apparently it's the Maldives of Europe
08:17Yeah we're going to the river for that
08:19Which is the Thailand of Europe
08:21Oh is it?
08:22Oh they know how to do it
08:23They've claimed the whole world here
08:24They're marketing
08:25They're mountains of the Austrians
08:27This is the Berlin
08:29Lovely to meet you guys
08:30Have a lovely holiday
08:32Our next new friend is our pyramid tour guide
08:36Hi
08:36Emhylgood nice to meet you
08:38And spitting image of Albania's favourite celebrity Dua Lipa
08:42Take us up those stairs
08:43Come on
08:44I hope we won't melt on the way there
08:49One small step for man
08:53Normally though at the top there would be like a
08:55A water slide
08:57People would slide down there
08:58Did they?
08:59All these stairs that you see was just a big flat surface
09:02Yeah
09:02And people would slide down
09:04I don't mind a few stairs
09:06Maybe some tourist attractions could add in more physical elements
09:09Westminster Abbey
09:10You'd have a rope that you climb up to ding a bell or something
09:14And this is it
09:15The top of the pyramid
09:16Don't sound so excited Hilda
09:20Top of the pyramid everyone
09:22It's party time
09:25And time to get to know our guide
09:28Hilda you look a lot like Dua Lipa
09:30Oh really?
09:31Yes
09:31Yes
09:32And that's a compliment because she's very beautiful
09:34Do you know her?
09:35No
09:36Hashtag journalism
09:38So the pyramid is so famous because in 1988 it used to be a museum based on the communist leader
09:45of Albania
09:46And a few years later when communism dropped the whole museum was vandalised and abandoned
09:52That is like the millennium dome
09:53Now they have concerts and Drake's been there so
09:56You need to get Drake here
09:57Yeah
09:57Yeah
09:58Drake comes up through that
10:00Absolute money maker
10:03As someone who has received bad reviews I will never agree with someone else's bad reviews
10:07I will always try to look to the good
10:09My mum always said boring people find things boring
10:12There's loads to do
10:13You could bring some dominoes with you
10:15A flask of tea
10:18Erm
10:20Well we've seen the pyramid
10:22We think it's fine
10:23Let's go shoot some guns
10:24Yeah
10:25Enjoy
10:27Let's get to the gun range
10:31We asked Hilda what the locals do for fun in Tirana
10:34And she sent us to a shooting range
10:37Who knew Dua Lipa was packing heat?
10:40Rogat
10:41Rogat guns
10:43Do you like my pun?
10:45Is it a pun?
10:47Rogat guns
10:48Oh Rogat guns
10:48Rogat guns
10:49Rogat
10:50And then like the gun show
10:52Yeah
10:52I haven't got those
10:52I've got very limited upper body strength Sarah
10:55Most women have
10:57Rogat guns is a gun range where reviewers complain that the safety rules lasted exactly 5 seconds
11:03Oh perfect for busy modern professionals like us
11:06Pull
11:07Pull
11:09At least people live to tell the tale
11:12Hello
11:13Hello
11:13Okay so it is your first time here
11:15Yes
11:15Safety rules
11:16Hold the gun always in the action of target
11:18Don't turn around with a handgun
11:20Okay
11:20Right
11:20These are firearms are not toys
11:22If you have any question
11:23Any problem
11:24Anything you're shooting
11:25Put the gun there
11:26Okay
11:27That's all about safety rules
11:28It's basically hold a gun like that
11:30Hold it like that
11:30Press it like that
11:31Over there
11:33That's
11:33I mean I could work there now
11:34I feel quite frightened now
11:35Yeah
11:36I was so full of bravado upstairs
11:38And then now I've got here
11:39And I've seen that
11:39Terrifying
11:40Just come here both of you
11:42Even that's scary
11:45What colour do you like?
11:46And what would you like?
11:47You choose that
11:48That one is good
11:49Good choice
11:51Okay hold a grip like this
11:52Put the gun in the action of target
11:54Arms forward to aiming
11:55You have to close your left eye
11:56And you have to see where the right eye closed
11:57You can't do one eye at the same time
11:59Try
11:59So I can't wink in a sexy way
12:02Try
12:02And the last thing
12:03Squeeze the trigger slowly
12:04With the deep of the finger
12:06That's all
12:08Do you really not want to go first?
12:09I don't know
12:10I feel absolutely insane
12:11Okay
12:12Well then I'll go first then
12:13Can you do it?
12:15Yeah
12:16I'm an older sister
12:18I'm used to leading by example
12:26Hold it tight
12:27Arms forward
12:27Really
12:28Like that
12:29And
12:29Then I push it to
12:31It's like that
12:31In and then
12:32Squeeze it there
12:32Yeah?
12:33Yes
12:33Fucking hell
12:36So
12:37It was really loud
12:41Five stars
12:42Have a nice evening
12:44Thanks for having us
12:44Fire came out of it
12:46Fire came out of it
12:48Fire came out of it
12:49You shot a gun
12:53Did I hit it?
12:54No
12:54No I did hit the paper
12:56There we go
12:57The paper but not the target
12:58That's what I was aiming for
12:59You're a very brave person
13:01Yeah
13:02But how could we do our job
13:03Unless you have this bit of like
13:04I don't want to do it
13:05I'm still going to go on and do it
13:06I just tried not to think about it
13:08And get the job done
13:08Like an assassin
13:10Don't get your empathy involved
13:11Don't think about the victim
13:12Just pull that trigger
13:14Very soon
13:14Was thinking too much
13:16Has anyone ever got sick in here?
13:18No
13:19So you'd be the first one
13:21You could see the force
13:22And the fire out of it
13:26It's like really visceral
13:27And it felt insane
13:29And my whole body was like
13:30No
13:31Come on
13:32But when you've got it in your hand
13:33Don't turn around and talk to anyone
13:36I'm just
13:37I've got this like
13:39It'll hit me
13:40Yeah
13:41But it won't
13:42Oh
13:43Will it hurt the piece of paper?
13:46Will my hands recoil?
13:48She was sort of worrying
13:49That she was going to suddenly turn around
13:50And go on a shooting spree
13:51Against her will
13:52So you pick up the gun
13:54And get an itch
13:54So a spider jumps out at you
13:56There's a lot that can happen
13:58In those seconds
14:04We're in Albania
14:05Lured in by bad reviews
14:07Or at a gun range
14:09This is mad
14:10And Roisin's killer instinct
14:11Is failing her
14:12I was so sure
14:13I was going to be like
14:14Dirty Harry
14:15Dirty Harry
14:16I'm just Harry
14:19Come on
14:20Oh
14:20He's not helping
14:22He's not helping
14:23Look how he's doing it
14:24We are not killing anyone
14:26So you are shooting for fun
14:27So come on
14:29That's all right
14:32Okay
14:35In this TV programme
14:36It won't be a realistic length of time
14:38But just so the viewers know
14:39And I think in honesty
14:40We should say
14:41We've been in there for three hours
14:42Do you mind if I watch you?
14:52Okay
14:53Ready?
14:53Yeah
14:54Is it ready?
14:55Are they all ready behind me?
14:57Yeah
14:57We're all good guys
14:58Oh
15:01Oh
15:04Oh
15:05Like this
15:06Yes
15:11Perfect
15:13Woo
15:13Well done
15:14Woo
15:15You did it
15:16Oh my God
15:18Ro not got guns
15:20Oh
15:20She did so well
15:21I did it
15:22Thank you
15:23You did so well
15:24Thank you
15:25Come
15:26You did good
15:27Roisin you smashed it
15:28I'm an absolute killer
15:29Yeah
15:30I'm an absolute killer
15:32Maybe that's why
15:33I don't want to awaken the beast
15:34Yes
15:34Thank you
15:36You're welcome
15:36Sorry, thank you very much
15:38You were better than Sarah
15:41If I'd had 45 minutes to think about it
15:43Maybe I'd have been a bit better as well
15:44Okay
15:45She did
15:45I have
15:46And it's not a competition
15:48I can't believe this
15:49Give me the machine gun
15:50Do you want me to guide you through it?
15:52Just my method
15:54Oh I think
15:55There's a lot about the tiptoeing
15:56Wasn't it Roisin?
15:57There's a lot about the tiptoeing
15:58Very slowly towards the gun
16:00It helps you be more settled
16:01I think that's what all sort of big killers
16:04They sort of get into
16:05I'm actually impressed with that
16:07You should be impressed
16:08Because I close my eyes
16:13It's not a competition
16:14And I appreciated her magnanimous support of me
16:18But I'm the natural born killer
16:20Five stars, no note
16:21Yeah
16:22Thank you very much
16:23Thank you so much
16:24Thank you very much
16:24I fired a gun
16:26So now we've got gun residues
16:28When we go back to the airport
16:29They've got a reason to touch our bums
16:34It's a new day in Albania
16:36And after a relaxing soak in the pube jacuzzi
16:39We're off to the seaside
16:43Today's the day of the real holiday starts
16:44Why?
16:45Because we're going to go to the Maldives of Europe
16:47What have you heard about it then?
16:48Maldives
16:49It's going to be beautiful
16:50Crystal blue water
16:51Tropical fish jumping up to kiss me
16:53Your optimism is very endearing
16:56In fairness
16:56People do review beaches badly for mad reasons
16:59Yeah
16:59It can't be Western England
17:00Which is covered in shit
17:01That's the advantage of coming from a shit country
17:03Yeah
17:03So I think we should probably wind our neck in
17:08Right, what are we doing then? Are we having it?
17:10Yeah
17:10Got a very special taxi
17:12And hey, our taxi's arrived
17:14Boy, this guy likes Elvis
17:19Hello
17:20Oh, he's dressed like Elvis
17:21He's dressed like Elvis
17:27If you'd like to go to the seaside, please
17:30What a welcome
17:31Thank you
17:33Thank you
17:34Oh, my God
17:36Oh, my God
17:37Oh, my God
17:38Oh, my God
17:39Oh, my God
17:40Got the music starting
17:42Whoa
17:42My singers, my song
17:43Your song
17:44Oh, okay
17:45Amazing
17:45How long's this drive?
17:49When Albania was communist
17:50It was illegal to own your own car
17:53So when the country opened up in the 90s
17:55Drivers bought their own vehicles
17:57And customised them
17:58To reflect their own personalities
18:00Well, you know
18:01Most people just hung up some fluffy dice
18:05Oh, is that the microphone?
18:17I should have got drunk
18:18I know it's eight in the morning, but I should have got drunk most
18:28Oh, Elvis glasses
18:29Thank you
18:32Oh, he's dancing
18:34Hands on the steering wheel, please, sir
18:35Hands on the steering wheel
18:36Oh, really hands on the steering wheel, I think, please
18:40This is a wild choice
18:44Yeah
18:44I'll clap if you drive, please
18:46We'll do the clapping
18:50We'll do the clapping
18:51Please
18:53We've got so much to live for
18:58I'll be honest, it's not that dissimilar to my dad driving me to school in the 80s
19:07It's enjoyable, and then you remember he's driving
19:09Uh, woo
19:10Yeah
19:12Woo
19:14Woo
19:14Wild
19:18He knows so many moves
19:19Sadly, none of them are hands at ten and two
19:21Hop, hop, hop-sa-dum
19:24Hop, hop, hop
19:25Hop-sa-dum
19:26Pop-la-ta
19:27Hop-sa-dum
19:28Hop-hop-sa-dum
19:30Hop-hop-sa-dum
19:31Hop-sa-dum
19:32Woo
19:32Woo
19:33It's better, like, the 19th time, even
19:35I hope we never get there
19:41It's so pretty
19:43I'm excited about the beach
19:46Sunbathing, swimming, relaxing
19:48What could possibly go wrong with a beach nestled in one of Albania's largest national parks?
19:55All I can see is sand
19:56Oh
19:57This is a long car park
20:00I've never been anywhere like this
20:01No
20:01I don't know what this is
20:02No, this is nothing on Earth
20:04The moon
20:05Oh, I can see the sea
20:07Oh, my God, this is the beach
20:08That is the sea
20:10I've never driven on a beach
20:12This feels so funny
20:13It's so luxurious
20:14No, because they're usually covered with people having a nice time
20:18Are you sure we're in the right place?
20:21Oh, great
20:22There's a dog poo
20:25This is rubbish
20:29This is rubbish
20:29Is Diviaca Beach a nice place to take a swim?
20:33Nah
20:38Now he's turned off the engine, we finally felt safe
20:41Ooh
20:42Oh, of course
20:43He's got nunchucks
20:44What's happening?
20:46Did Elvis do nunchucks?
20:47No
20:47So close
20:49It's so close
21:00It's so close
21:07Yeah
21:08Ow
21:10Looks like you're flagellating yourself like a Catholic who's done something naughty
21:13Is it?
21:14You're actually very good at it
21:15Yeah, now that I've seen you
21:16Do you want to go?
21:17I think it's more like this
21:18Chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka
21:19I'm brilliant at this
21:21Is here
21:21I didn't even ever know
21:26Super
21:26She got it, she got it
21:28Sorry
21:28Thank you
21:29Thank you very much
21:34Woo
21:37Thank you
21:38How are we getting home?
21:40Well, we're not gonna
21:40I'm not doing nine hours of going without taxi
21:42I know
21:42Bye Elvis
21:43She appears to drive into the sea
21:45Imagine
21:45Oh my god
21:46The flamingos started touching my leg
21:48And I thought it was a beast
21:49Oh
21:51Obviously
21:52It's a disappointing beach
21:53But I'm
21:54I'm crushed
21:55It's not as bad as I was expecting
21:57Oh really?
21:57No
21:58The reviews are really bad
21:59One star
22:01A sad place
22:02I'd agree
22:03We went on a hike
22:04We then stopped
22:04Because we were just walking through trash
22:05There is a lot of rubbish on the floor
22:07Pollution
22:08Ecological disaster
22:10Ecological disaster?
22:11I've not even seen a seagull
22:13Oh god, there's no wildlife
22:14There's no wildlife
22:16I'm presuming this might be their worst beach
22:18The worst one
22:18We've got to give them some benefit today
22:20Let's hope so
22:20It can't get much worse really
22:24Well let's not be sad
22:25No
22:25We're on a day
22:27But this bit
22:28Like there's patches of beach that are nice
22:30And the sand's warm on my toes
22:33Someone's lost a shoe
22:34I don't want to flip it over in case there's a leg
22:37Oh don't
22:38Leg underneath
22:39Woo!
22:40No
22:41There's a skull
22:42There's a skull
22:43It's a skull
22:44It's a crab skull
22:45No it's not, that's a bigger animal
22:46That's like a goat
22:47My favourite thing
22:49My favourite thing is there's a cup here floating around and it's called litter
22:51Well that makes me feel hopeful that there will be somewhere to buy refreshments
22:55No
22:55Look at that
22:57Completely abandoned
23:04My house if it had no bins would be an ecological disaster
23:07That's a solution isn't it, get some bins
23:10Are we going to get some food?
23:12Yeah I'm really hungry
23:13We settle on a local restaurant called Ali Kali based on this tantalising review
23:19The smell of horse urine was everywhere
23:22Woo!
23:23Delish
23:25This is looking very charming
23:27Rustic
23:28Yeah
23:29Like I feel like we're in the belly of Albania
23:31Yeah
23:32I hear a generator, love it
23:35There's horses
23:37This is like heaven isn't it?
23:39We sort of love the ramshackle, rustic nature would you say?
23:42Yeah
23:43Perfect
23:43It was almost romantic wasn't it?
23:44Yeah, some nice horses
23:46Hello horses
23:48This is sort of my perfect restaurant
23:50Just hearing the birds and watching the horses eat their grass
23:56Looks like I can take a seat
23:57Oh there you go madam
23:59Sorry I didn't want to, that's what you were waiting for
24:00Thank you
24:01You know I won't sit down unless the chair's been pulled out for me
24:04Sometimes forget how classy you are
24:07This is nice isn't it?
24:09It feels like we're really in Albania now, the countryside of Albania
24:12And it's nice and earthy
24:15The bad reviews are probably because it's not that slick
24:18It's not Wagamamas
24:20It smells of outdoors including animal excrement let's say
24:23Yeah
24:24But we're not the kind of people that would bother us
24:26We love it, we love it
24:26Bring it on
24:27Who hates this?
24:28Like again Wagamamas could do with that
24:31Yeah
24:32We love it
24:34Thank you very much
24:35A filamentary?
24:36A filamentary
24:37Yeah
24:38Fish
24:38Oh fish?
24:39Fish
24:41Okay
24:41Thank you
24:42Okay
24:45Is he wanting to?
24:46He's going fishing, you sent him fishing
24:49What?
24:49What? He's run to get a horse, and now he's riding the horse back to go fishing.
24:57He's literally riding around. I think he might be bringing you a bouquet.
25:01I think he's bringing you some flowers.
25:02A bouquet of fish?
25:02A bouquet of fish!
25:06This country's so crazy, I'd be like, yeah, a bouquet of fish.
25:09There's a load of bass.
25:11Things were about to get a lot more rustic than we had bargained for.
25:20We're in Albania. We wanted an authentic, no-gimmicks dining experience.
25:26But we've ended up in a horse restaurant.
25:34And you know what? Sometimes reviews are accurate.
25:38The smell of horse urine was everywhere.
25:41Mmm, yummy.
25:43Hot juice and fizzy water, I presumed. Do you want to steal?
25:47Where is curry in food?
25:53Big salad, lovely olives.
25:56Chips.
25:56This looks delicious. Thank you.
25:58Thank you very much.
26:01Did you ever want to ride horses or have a pony?
26:05I used to go on holidays.
26:06Oh, yeah.
26:06I'd get to the mountain, and everyone would get on the horse, and then I'd bail out.
26:10Yeah.
26:10I'd always have no wallet and no water, and then I'd have to walk five miles to the town.
26:15What about you? You're a horse rider?
26:17No, I can't help feeling it's a little bit cruel to put your whole body on an animal.
26:22I love them, but I respect them as an equal.
26:24I wouldn't ride Boris Johnson, for instance.
26:27I wouldn't rule them out.
26:30I don't think, personally, we let the horse aspect very much.
26:34For years, I eat animals, so, you know, you don't. At least you've got some...
26:38Yeah, I do feel smug about that.
26:41Oh, hello.
26:45Thank you. Wow.
26:47But not for me.
26:47It's a whole fish.
26:47But not for me.
26:48Okay.
26:50Oh, my God.
26:51Oh, that's more than...
26:53Oh, okay.
26:54I'm there.
26:56The fish is very tasty.
26:58I think some people would love this kind of thing.
27:01Yeah.
27:02And I worry for the...
27:03You've got another spider in your hair.
27:04Okay, so I'm going to say zero stars.
27:06I've got spiders in my hair, okay?
27:07Oh, I haven't picked him yet.
27:09The pickles are delicious.
27:11Five stars, no note.
27:12The chips are nice.
27:13Salad's nice.
27:14Good gear here.
27:16This is the thing about Albania.
27:1770% great.
27:2020%.
27:20What is happening?
27:27We've had a thrilling day on the Albanian coast.
27:30Now that our intimate horse dinner date is over,
27:32we've decided on a romantic riverboat cruise
27:35to see if there's more to Divyaka
27:37than a horse waiter and a bad beach.
27:45Is it raining?
27:47I hadn't noticed.
27:51Sure got the weather for this booking, Sarah.
27:55Lynn?
27:55Hi.
27:56Hello.
27:57Hi, I would like a boat ride, please.
28:00So there's a...
28:02What's a daisy?
28:03You okay?
28:04Yeah, yeah.
28:04I'm not elegant, but I am okay.
28:06Okay, I'm not elegant either.
28:08Help me.
28:08Yeah, there you go.
28:09A lovely day on the river.
28:11You like rain?
28:13I like rain.
28:13Normally, I like watching it through glass.
28:17But this is more of an immersive experience.
28:20Oh, it's getting heavier.
28:21It's getting heavier!
28:24That's all right, pal.
28:25You keep the brolly to yourself.
28:27And your coat.
28:28Oh, why is the rain?
28:29Who turned the rain up?
28:30Someone turned the rain up!
28:32That's crazy!
28:34Oh, we're a child of America.
28:35Oh, God!
28:36Oh, God!
28:39Well...
28:39Oh, don't tip us.
28:42Oh, my God!
28:43Don't tip us.
28:44Don't flip us over.
28:46Don't flip us over.
28:47Oh, it's good fun, though.
28:49Yeah.
28:49Say what you want.
28:50It is good fun.
28:52I'm having the time of my life.
28:54Oh, I am living right now.
28:59This is actually stunning.
29:01We're badly dressed for it.
29:03We were expecting...
29:04There's no such thing as bad weather.
29:06It's just bad clothes.
29:07Yeah, we're just not in the best of clothes.
29:10I needed...
29:10We needed goggles.
29:11We needed goggles.
29:12We needed flippers.
29:14Flippers.
29:16Scuba wear.
29:17Oh, my God.
29:18It is actually really beautiful.
29:21Like...
29:21I wouldn't say really beautiful.
29:23I think it's really beautiful.
29:24Okay.
29:25Even in this rain,
29:26I would give it five stars.
29:31It's hail stones!
29:34Is that...
29:34What comes out of there?
29:35Let's not think about it.
29:36Yeah.
29:37We're having a nice time.
29:39Albania,
29:40if you're looking for a trip of a lifetime,
29:42something different.
29:43Sure, you could come down this river on a nice day,
29:45but what are you learning?
29:46What are you feeling?
29:47Yay!
29:48Hold on.
29:49Hold on.
29:50Woo-hoo!
29:51Don't tip us, though.
29:52I don't think that we could be any wetter,
29:54even if we fell in the water, Rochi.
29:56No, but I'm worried they're probably...
29:56Eels, maybe.
29:58Yeah, I know.
29:59Three minutes of it, Rochi.
30:00I think it got that balsamic vinegar out
30:02that I spilt on my skirt as well.
30:08I'm going to shape myself like a dog.
30:10Yeah, we're going to have to.
30:11Ooh!
30:13Oh, there we go.
30:14Oh, my God.
30:16Oh, my God.
30:17OK.
30:18It wasn't raining in the pictures.
30:19It's a different thing when it's raining.
30:21I think this is, like, why monks live in horrible places
30:24and do horrible things.
30:25It's because you go to an extreme...
30:27Yeah.
30:28...and then you find peace.
30:29I think I loved it.
30:30Yeah.
30:31What a magical end to a zero-stars day.
30:35Hypothermia-induced delusion.
30:38In the morning, we take a stroll to a lovely beach in Vlora.
30:42Sort of miss a dog shit now, though.
30:43This is more like it.
30:45I mean, it's beautiful.
30:47I mean, it's not exactly the weather for it,
30:49but I'm English.
30:50I'll still get my bikini on.
30:52Oh, it's so nice.
30:54Yeah, I can imagine us here.
30:56Cup of tea, some novels.
30:59I see where it is.
31:00Yeah, you'd be very pleased if you turned up here for your holiday,
31:03wouldn't you?
31:03This is a well-reviewed place, I imagine,
31:05and that's just not our vibe.
31:08This is where the phrase that has been used a lot...
31:12Yeah.
31:12I'm going to let you say it.
31:13No, just like a hidden gem of you.
31:14Say what it is.
31:15Say a different phrase.
31:16Say a different phrase.
31:17You don't want to say it.
31:18Say the phrase.
31:18You don't want to say the Maldives of Europe.
31:19The Maldives of Europe has been said 45,000 times,
31:23and for once, it is relevant.
31:25Yesterday, it was like, Albanian people are insane.
31:28They think this is the Maldives.
31:29Yeah, the Maldives are going to sue.
31:30And now, today, we get it.
31:32Yeah, Maldives would...
31:33I think there would be a cease and desist.
31:37Yeah, like when people are twin cities.
31:40We've twinned the Maldives.
31:42Yeah, I twinned with Cindy Crawford,
31:43and if she's got a problem with that,
31:44she can get on to my lawyers.
31:48And it is some sort of very lush and tropical.
31:50On a sunny day, it would be...
31:52Oh, heaven.
31:54Maybe it's only the Maldives of Europe
31:55if you go in the summer.
31:57Won't stop us, though.
31:58For our next big day out,
32:00we're reuniting with our old pal, Haral.
32:03Today, I will show you a piece of Albania.
32:06A real Albania.
32:07Very excited about this.
32:11Right, the real Albania?
32:13Where have we been?
32:14Is this AI?
32:16Look at it.
32:16Bye, Flora.
32:18Yeah, that's enough nice speech for me.
32:20Thanks.
32:23What was it like living in Albania
32:25when it was a communist country?
32:27Albania was a dictatorship.
32:29An isolated country in the heart of Europe,
32:33just as today is North Korea.
32:36To live in a country without freedom,
32:39it's not so easy to understand.
32:42But just to mention one example,
32:45you know, in the 90s, 91,
32:47when Albania was just in the first months of openness,
32:52came the jeans, the trousers of jeans.
32:56And, I mean, it has been an experience for me
32:59to buy a pair of jeans in the 90s there.
33:02What jeans did you buy?
33:05They were not Levi's, I'm sure about that.
33:08They were not Levi's, no.
33:09Not Levi's, no.
33:10They were me Levi's.
33:11What were the first jeans you bought then?
33:12Mine weren't Levi's either,
33:13because I got given, like, £15 or something.
33:17And I went to Chapel Market
33:18and bought jeans that were stonewashed and too short.
33:21Yeah.
33:21My first jeans were probably from a supermarket,
33:23like Georgia Asda.
33:25So we could be a gang full of people
33:27who didn't have Levi's.
33:28No.
33:28And actually, I still don't have any Levi's.
33:31No, I put a Levi jacket, though, and I'm enjoying that.
33:33What is secondhand?
33:35Yeah.
33:35So noble.
33:37LAUGHTER
33:41So when did the tourism boom start in Albania?
33:452021.
33:46Oh.
33:47Just after the pandemic.
33:49So it's really recent, then.
33:51Albania, in a certain moment, became a TikTok phenomenon.
33:55Oh, nice.
33:57But where we're going now,
33:58this is sort of off the tourist trail.
34:01We are going to Elbasan,
34:03and it is a city just in the middle of Albania.
34:06I have some friends there,
34:08and I'm sure that they welcome us.
34:11We're getting there before the TikTokers,
34:12is that what you're telling us?
34:13Yes, yes.
34:14OK, right.
34:14Some of the reviews,
34:16they were saying that this was Albania's answer to Chernobyl.
34:19That's the thing with reviewers,
34:20so you really have to be hyperbolic,
34:22don't you, to make your point.
34:23I've sort of written a review like that for a pizza.
34:26I do not think that the reviews give you
34:30a reality of the place where you are going.
34:33Yes.
34:34So this is what I think the trip I'm trying to be like,
34:36OK, go to places that you wouldn't choose
34:38if you read the review.
34:40Yeah.
34:40But also try and find something in it.
34:43And that's how adventures happen, Roshi.
34:45It is how adventures happen.
34:46High five.
34:53We're in the Albanian countryside.
34:56Our driver, Haral, is taking us to meet
34:58some of his family friends
34:59so that we can experience the real Albania.
35:03Here we are.
35:05Will you get out?
35:10Wow.
35:11Oh, hello.
35:12Hello.
35:12Sarah and Roshi.
35:14Ah.
35:14Guitim.
35:15Oh, hello.
35:17Guitim.
35:17Guitim.
35:18Which one's your name?
35:19I'm Romela.
35:19Hi, Romela.
35:21Yeah.
35:21I'm Roshin.
35:22Guitim.
35:23Is Guitim?
35:24Guitim.
35:25Guitim.
35:26Guitim.
35:26What does it mean?
35:27Guitim is the name.
35:29Memory.
35:33Guitim, everyone.
35:34I thought you were saying...
35:36I thought it meant nice to meet you.
35:38David.
35:39Sorry.
35:39David.
35:41How do you say nice to meet you?
35:42Can I just sit you takoi?
35:45Can I sit you takoi?
35:48Can I just sit you takoi?
35:50Can I just sit you takoi?
35:52See you soon.
35:53See you soon.
35:55Harrell's leaving?
35:56Oh, no.
35:57The social glue is gone.
35:58This is where you live?
35:59Yeah.
36:00I live here with my grandpa, grandma, my brother, mom, and dad.
36:08So, do you like drinking anything?
36:10Oh, I love to drink things.
36:13Okay, so I'm going to tell my mom to bring you some special things that we do from our
36:18cow.
36:19I like cheese, but before it gets like cheese...
36:23Oh.
36:24Oh.
36:25Free cheese drink.
36:27Sometimes, being a vegan, whipping that card out really does come in handy.
36:30Traveling is one of those times.
36:32Oh, sorry.
36:33I can't have your gross drink.
36:34Have you got anything else?
36:35Big glass.
36:38What is it?
36:39Yogurt?
36:39Is it yogurt?
36:40It might be yogurt.
36:41It's yogurt.
36:42It's delicious.
36:42It's absolutely outrageous.
36:45Mwah.
36:46I think Roisin had a much better upbringing than me.
36:48She's got very good manners.
36:49She's very polite.
36:50She would have drunk anything.
36:52So, it starts like your traditional Greek yogurt, and at the end, you're dealing with
36:55the blue cheese.
36:56Yeah.
36:57So, your throat does go a little bit like, what is happening?
37:01Yeah.
37:01It's sort of like all of the dairy products in one glass.
37:04Oh, God.
37:06After downing the blue cheese drink, Romella took us on a tour of her family's farm.
37:11My absolute favourite.
37:12Fit animals everywhere.
37:14I'll kiss you.
37:15I'll kiss you.
37:15I'll kiss the big chicken.
37:17I'll kiss the little chicken.
37:18There's millions coming, Roisin.
37:19Oh, my God.
37:19I'm about to be bombarded with chicks.
37:21This is my dream.
37:23They're so beautiful.
37:25This is the best thing that's happened in Albania.
37:27Hello.
37:28Is she?
37:29Yay.
37:29Hey.
37:31My God.
37:33They do all follow each other, don't they?
37:35Yeah.
37:36They never leave each other behind.
37:39Do you use the sheeps for milk as well, or for wool?
37:42No, it's not.
37:43For wool?
37:44Yeah.
37:45Maybe for wool.
37:47Yeah.
37:47Much, but we use them for, like, when there are, like, a...
37:59Do you eat them?
38:01Yeah, I eat them.
38:02Okay, all right, yeah.
38:02You were skirting around it, wasn't you?
38:05I love this eating from the tree.
38:06I've never seen anything like it.
38:08No, it's great stuff.
38:09Wait, wait, he's going to do it again.
38:10He's all finished.
38:10Get ready.
38:11Yay!
38:12I love it.
38:17You're really in the countryside, aren't you, here?
38:19Yeah, it's very smelly.
38:21Woo-hoo!
38:22There she is.
38:24Oh, I think I just...
38:25I thought it was a rocket.
38:26It's a massive shit.
38:28It's a cat.
38:29Hello, Martin.
38:31It's a cat.
38:32It's a cat.
38:34It's a cat.
38:36From one hardship to another, we were put to work picking cherries from the family's cherry orchard.
38:42Here, we are going to get the cherries.
38:46Oh, my God.
38:47These are so good.
38:48We could help them picking, but we are just...
38:50We've just come up from now, just getting served.
38:52Oh, she got the earrings, though.
38:53Yeah.
38:54I was with an ex-boyfriend years ago, and we all planted trees.
38:58Yeah.
38:58Ours was a cherry tree.
38:59We came back a year later, and everyone else's, all the couple's trees were blooming, and ours was rotten, and
39:05we broke up on the way home.
39:07Sort of a bit triggering, actually.
39:10Do you know what I'm going to do?
39:11How I'm going to pick the cherries, Romella?
39:12I'm going to pick it like the sheep.
39:14Oh, yeah, on two legs.
39:16Go, go!
39:21That was a good part, and I see why the sheep are into it.
39:23Can you eat them like the sheep?
39:25I can't.
39:27Like the sheep.
39:28Romella, how old are you?
39:30Ten.
39:30This ten-year-old's got far more dignity than we are.
39:33How do I tell your granddad these are beautiful?
39:41Do you think my Albanian's good?
39:44Yeah.
39:44Yeah, a little bit.
39:46Okay, you're very good at lots of things, but not lying.
39:48Yeah.
39:49No.
39:53So, would you guys like to hear an Albanian song about cherries?
39:57Oh, yes, please.
39:58Since we are in the territory.
40:00More than anything.
40:01Can I join the band?
40:02Okay.
40:03I don't know if you've got the footage, but I know Albanian now.
40:18That was very good.
40:20Some of you were really good.
40:22Listen, once a blogger, always a blogger.
40:24You think I'm not going to pretend to know the words?
40:26Every concert I've ever gone to, I've had to pretend to know the words.
40:29I think I'm going to open a YouTube channel soon.
40:31You're going to open a YouTube channel?
40:33Yeah, for singing.
40:34You should.
40:34You've got a beautiful voice.
40:35Yeah.
40:35I'm going to sing my song.
40:37Never read the comments is my advice.
40:39Yeah.
40:39Do you know?
40:39I don't care about the haters.
40:41No.
40:41I don't care about the haters.
40:42I don't care about the haters.
40:43I only care about the fans.
40:44This experience, and I'm so relieved to say, is five stars.
40:48The weather's terrible.
40:50This is a shit day, and we're having the time of our lives.
40:54When people invite you into their home, and they've got a real love of Albania, and they
40:58want you to love it, you really feel that, and that's really sweet.
41:01Thank you so much for today.
41:04It's my pleasure to meet you two.
41:06My pleasure to meet you.
41:06There's a little present for you.
41:08Oh, thank you so much.
41:09That's incredible.
41:11Yours is much, much, much bigger.
41:12Yeah, they know what they're doing.
41:14I want to give it to you and I.
41:16So, goodbye.
41:17Bye-bye.
41:18Bye.
41:19We headed back to Tirana, jammed up and looking for trouble.
41:22And by that, I mean a traditional three-course meal, if you catch my drift.
41:26Now, this is where we get our little treat.
41:28It's a celebration for all of our hard work.
41:30Exactly, baby.
41:36Can I pass you a vine leaf?
41:38Oh, yes, please.
41:39This is a lamb's head.
41:40Oh, okay.
41:41It's called on the traditional wooden stock.
41:43A lamb's head?
41:44A lamb's head, yes.
41:45This is the meatballs, and this is the lamb's intestines.
41:48It's much harder when you've just spent a day watching a sheep eating from a...
41:51You can't think about that now.
41:53Okay.
41:54I'm going to go in and put one of these intestines.
41:58You can look away.
41:59I can't take it.
42:00I can't.
42:00I can't.
42:01Honestly, this is as close as we're going to get to...
42:03I'm a celebrity.
42:03Get me out of here.
42:04Okay.
42:08Would you like a nice glass of lumpy yogurt to wash it down?
42:15So, this is the final dish.
42:17It's chicken.
42:19Just in all bits?
42:19It comes with rice.
42:20Just chicken?
42:21Just chicken.
42:22Thank you very much.
42:26People come here expecting the Maldives of Europe.
42:29And I think there's a much more interesting story going on with Albania that isn't a tagline.
42:34It's beautiful.
42:35And the Albanians themselves are wonderful people.
42:39My trip in Albania has been an adventure.
42:43I saw some wonderful bits.
42:44It's like nothing else.
42:46I'm proud of myself for trying lots of new things.
42:49Boat rides in the rain.
42:52Eating intestines.
42:53And simulated manslaughter.
42:55I'm an absolute killer.
42:56And I tried my first ever jacuzzi with the pube in it.
43:01I'm getting out.
43:02Found out I'm a ninja and I learned to dine like an Albanian sheep.
43:07Take that, the Maldives.
43:09Romella said to ignore the haters and only listen to the fans.
43:13We think Albania should heed her advice.
43:15When other things are provided, dustbins, I think people are going to absolutely love it here.
43:21But bring a really good friend with you.
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