- 9 hours ago
Zero Stars Season 1 Episode 5
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Ow! Oh my god!
00:01I've always wanted to jump on a car!
00:04Look! There she is!
00:07Whoo!
00:19It's been a brilliant start to my trip.
00:21I'm ready for Bulgaria now.
00:23Whoo-hoo!
00:25We're here, baby.
00:27Most travellers avoid bad reviews.
00:29Let's see what the review says.
00:30One star. One star. One star.
00:32I've never seen anything more stupid.
00:34If I could give it zero stars, I would.
00:35But not us.
00:36I'm a woman in a man's world. I make up my own mind.
00:39I'm Sarah Pascoe.
00:40I'm brilliant at this.
00:42I'm Roisin Conaty.
00:43Come on, fishy, fishy.
00:45We're comedians, but more importantly, best friends.
00:48As someone who has received bad reviews,
00:50I will always try to look to the good.
00:52So we're turning the tables on the review sites.
00:54They were so busy typing in their phone only
00:56that they've got to look out.
00:57And visiting places based on the worst reviews.
01:00Come closer. It's nothing to be afraid of.
01:03My review is 100 stars.
01:05But will this journey of salvation be a five-star fun fest?
01:07Whoo!
01:08I'm an absolute killer!
01:11Yes!
01:12Or are we in for a holiday from hell?
01:15Hell!
01:15Oh!
01:30Welcome to Bulgaria!
01:32We welcome you to Bulgaria!
01:34Welcome everyone to Bulgaria!
01:36Welcome us to Bulgaria!
01:38Welcome, people who live in Bulgaria.
01:42What do you think? It's lovely.
01:44My expectations were low because the man on the plane next to me,
01:46do you know what he said before we got off?
01:48He said, have you been here before? He said, no, and he went,
01:50it's dire.
01:54First thing he said to you? First of all, he said he liked my comedy,
01:56but I wasn't going to mention that. Oh, OK, nice.
01:57Yeah. What do you know about Bulgaria?
01:59What do I know? I don't know a lot at all, actually.
02:02One of my favourite people, a lady cleans my house,
02:04is from Bulgaria, so I've got a lot of Bulgarian trinkets.
02:06So it looks like I've been to Bulgaria already,
02:09but I just like the merch.
02:11But it's no ordinary holiday.
02:12This is our version of a spa retreat.
02:15It's wellness, it's ceremonies that will cleanse us,
02:18and then, you know, solstice with loads of women.
02:20So it's a bit like, I guess, like, moon party in Thailand,
02:24but a zero stars version.
02:25I'm into all that stuff. I think it sounds right up our street.
02:28Yeah. Let's do Bulgaria, Sarah.
02:31Bulgaria me up. Sorry, that sounded filthy.
02:36Bulgaria. One reviewer says,
02:39do not come here unless you want to suffer in the most miserable way.
02:42We'll show them.
02:45We're braving 40-degree heat,
02:48taking one of Europe's worst-rated trains
02:49across this former communist dictatorship
02:52on a zero stars wellness adventure.
02:54Get me well, baby.
02:58Starting at the capital, Sofia,
03:00we'll be travelling over to the city of Plovdiv
03:02and finishing in the countryside of Koprivšista
03:05for one of the most important traditional celebrations of the year,
03:09the summer solstice.
03:13But first, we need to find this terrible train.
03:17Oh, no. It's not just in another language.
03:20It's in another alphabet.
03:22Plovdiv?
03:23You're just going to shout it out.
03:24Anyone want to give us a live to Plovdiv?
03:26We'll give you kisses.
03:29Hello.
03:30Um...
03:30We couldn't understand the sign,
03:32so we need to go to Plovdiv.
03:33Two people.
03:34What platform is that on?
03:36Is the platform to Plovdiv?
03:38Because we don't know the letters.
03:41OK, you'll just take our money.
03:42Thank you so much.
03:44Oh, God, it's all still in the same language.
03:47Well, maybe we'll learn Bulgarian
03:48by the time we get off the escalator.
03:50I'm worried we're going to miss our train.
03:52Plovdiv?
03:53Yeah, but that's on arrival.
03:54I have no idea where we are.
03:57Genuinely, I think there's a train out there.
03:58Quick, quick, quick.
04:00This is our train.
04:02Push me.
04:04I think I just did, like, the act out of help in there,
04:06but I actually didn't take any weight off you.
04:08We finally made it onto our train.
04:12Which one reviewer has called slow, dirty and unreliable.
04:16Same, girl.
04:17Same.
04:19Exciting to be on the train.
04:21Oh, it's like, er, well, it's World War II train.
04:24Yeah, it's like Agatha Christie.
04:25Yeah.
04:26Good evening, sir.
04:29Oh, gosh, OK.
04:30That looks big.
04:31Yeah, it's very big.
04:32So this is where we started.
04:34That's too big.
04:36That's too big.
04:36We started here, Sophia.
04:38Sophia.
04:39Ah, where is it then?
04:41This is why we do it on our phones,
04:43because it's so much easier to drop a pin.
04:45I thought you were just getting into the whole
04:47it's the 1940s vibe.
04:48I don't know.
04:49What's going on?
04:49Find it, darling.
04:50Find it on the Met.
04:51How will we be able to help in the Allies' efforts
04:53if we can't even find out where we're going?
04:56OK.
04:56We started here, Sophia.
04:58That's Plovdiv, where we're going.
05:00OK.
05:00And then I'm looking for...
05:02Kopritschita.
05:03Yeah.
05:04That's there.
05:05Kopritschita is very small.
05:08It's romantic, old train, old way of looking at the world.
05:12Let's have a little look at the reviews,
05:13because I think this is pretty nice.
05:15We've got our own room.
05:16Yeah.
05:16Three times in the past decade I've used the railway,
05:19all three times the train caught fire.
05:21Oh, my God.
05:22Be careful where you sit.
05:24The seat might fall off,
05:25or something might stick out from under the upholstery.
05:28That doesn't sound good.
05:30Is it a nice thing sticking out?
05:31But you might get pregnant by an old chair.
05:33Oh, God.
05:34What, like a glory hole?
05:36Also, no AC.
05:38This just sounds like England.
05:40It doesn't sound anything...
05:41We come from a place where shit trains.
05:43Yeah.
05:43I mean, compared to UK trains,
05:45we've got our own room.
05:46Yeah.
05:47Do you think we'll get to keep it to ourselves?
05:49Oh, yeah.
05:49I guess it's only our own room,
05:50because no-one's in it.
05:51They've been put off.
05:52They don't want to sit with the yappy English broads
05:54flapping their map about.
05:56I don't know what you were going to say
05:57we were flapping about there.
05:58We started with the map.
06:00I guess that would be a lot creepier.
06:03If people come in here,
06:04you're in an enclosed space
06:05when we don't know.
06:06We need to look hard.
06:07Yeah, I'm going to say things like,
06:10yeah, yeah, I was covered in his blood,
06:11but they never got me for it.
06:13Had to be done.
06:14Had to be done.
06:15Had to be done.
06:18Hang about.
06:20Who the hell is this?
06:21Hello.
06:22Hello.
06:22Hello.
06:23Yes.
06:23Hello.
06:24Time for a fight.
06:25Or worse, an incredibly awkward social situation.
06:30Where are we travelling?
06:32We are going to Plovdiv.
06:33Plovdiv?
06:34Oh, we as well.
06:35We are going in a competition for arm wrestling.
06:37Oh.
06:38Is arm wrestling big in Bulgaria?
06:40Yeah, it's pretty much like top five in the sports team.
06:43Oh, wow.
06:44I've never seen it in England.
06:45Have you?
06:46Like, professionally?
06:47Just back street.
06:49Back street.
06:50Who's your rival?
06:51Who's your nemesis?
06:52Who's the person you want to beat the most?
06:54Hey, he's sitting in front of me.
06:57Oh, we've got two rivals.
06:58I bet Roisin would be good at this.
07:00No.
07:02No?
07:02No.
07:03I've got no upper body strength.
07:04But you've got a good grip.
07:05It is a wild...
07:06You haven't said anything.
07:08Oh, running a man.
07:09He's a betrayer.
07:10Do you guys want to do it first to show us?
07:13Yeah.
07:14We can try it.
07:14Yeah?
07:16Someone say, ready, go.
07:17Keep it clean.
07:18Ready, go.
07:22Oh, oh, oh.
07:23He's got his hand on his leg.
07:24Slate nicely.
07:25Slate nicely.
07:27You don't get this in English trains.
07:30Oh, wow.
07:32So he was on the inside pushing you down.
07:34Well done, guys.
07:35Yeah.
07:36Oh, no, it's rude to say.
07:39Exhibition match over.
07:40It's time to show these chances how it's really done.
07:44Ready, go.
07:47I've got no...
07:48Do you have your swing?
07:50You are.
07:51No.
07:52This is lots and a really long time.
07:55She's attacking me over the top.
07:56You need to defend her.
07:57What do you mean to defend her?
07:58How?
07:58It's killing yourself.
08:01She's got me.
08:03I'm trying to give myself talk.
08:05I mean, you do get a taste for it, don't you?
08:09I might have lost to Roisin, but at least we'd made it to Plovdiv without our train catching on fire
08:14once.
08:15We're here.
08:16Plovdiv.
08:17Station doesn't have any ramps.
08:19No.
08:19Marks it down.
08:21Do you want to hear some reviews of Plovdiv?
08:24Okay.
08:24Plovdiv is a dump.
08:25It's basically a working class city, a big village.
08:27Okay.
08:28I like working class places.
08:28Yeah, we're from working class cities.
08:30I'm a cook in Plovdiv and from a food perspective everything here is monotonous and boring.
08:35That's someone who lives here slagging it off.
08:36Did they say they were a cook?
08:37Yeah.
08:38Why don't they cook something out?
08:39Yeah.
08:40I'm a fashion stylist and I hate the clothes I design people.
08:44Let's not talk about Dan Plovdiv and the Heat, another summer of torture.
08:48Oh.
08:49That was this year, that was written.
08:50Some of these people just sound like they've never been to a city before.
08:53Yeah.
08:53Should we go?
08:54Sarah, it is really hot though.
08:55I know.
08:58Built around Seven Hills, Plovdiv was established in 6000 BC and we're staying in the old town.
09:04Hopefully they've redone the bathroom since then.
09:07Here it is.
09:08Hiya.
09:09Old legends.
09:10That's our gang name, isn't it?
09:13And we've been called worse.
09:15Do you want to hear some reviews of the hotel?
09:17Go on then.
09:17Okay.
09:18One star.
09:19Dilapidated hotel.
09:20No services.
09:22Ghostly breakfasts.
09:24The rooms are old and eerie.
09:26One star.
09:27Complete parody.
09:28The rooms are like a monastery.
09:29Stuffy, oppressive and very eerie.
09:31That's come up twice now.
09:33One star.
09:34You book a masonette for six people then you get Count Dracula's apartment for four people.
09:38I'd pay more for that to be honest.
09:39Count Dracula's apartment?
09:41These people sound like they stay in holiday inns, very clinical.
09:44I stay in holiday inns very clinical.
09:46I know.
09:47I know you do, Sarah.
09:48It doesn't look bad.
09:49I'll just go and find her help.
09:50It looks quite gothic-y.
09:51Yeah.
09:52I'm not against it.
09:53It's a lot of stairs.
09:54Yeah, it's not going to have a lift though, is it?
09:55Dracula's not going to help us with our bags, is he?
09:58You all right?
09:59No.
10:02It's another load of stairs.
10:05OK.
10:06I've bought too many shoes.
10:09OK.
10:10It's very brown.
10:11It's got a floor on the ceiling.
10:13Yeah.
10:13It feels like a Victorian Charles Dolls house.
10:16I don't like this room.
10:17No, let's go to have a look at the other one.
10:19I'm spooked out by the old Legends Hotel.
10:22Oh, God.
10:23This one might be even worse.
10:25It looks like the kind of hotel that a spider would design for other spiders to live in and scare
10:29people.
10:30Do you like this aesthetic?
10:32I'm not against it.
10:33It just looks very Bulgarian.
10:35I think that's spooky.
10:36What's there?
10:37Like a statue's been taken down.
10:38OK, I can see.
10:39That's quite altery.
10:40This bath is spooky.
10:42Roshin, in this room, I feel like a ghost.
10:45That bath is not for ghosts.
10:47That is a sexy bath.
10:48You're in the bath.
10:49Sink in a cupboard, anyone?
10:50I think that's very good.
10:52Sink in a cupboard?
10:53Yeah.
10:53Who wants to see a sink?
10:55It is eerie.
10:56It's not eerie.
10:57These people don't know eerie.
10:58I mean, I'd say that's one of the worst things.
11:01OK, that's kind of eerie.
11:04Finally.
11:05I can't remember what was in the other room, but I think I want that one.
11:07I find it very eerie, and I don't know why, when they've had that feedback so many times,
11:12they've not changed it.
11:13Why have they left that old spooky cot there?
11:16Throw it away.
11:19Help me, Roshin.
11:22Karen, why are you...?
11:24Help me, Roshin.
11:26I'm not outside my room.
11:28Utter creep.
11:29You were hoping to see me in the bath.
11:30I was.
11:31I know you were.
11:32I wasn't.
11:33Get out of here!
11:40We're in Bulgaria on a wellness journey.
11:43We do think our hotel might be haunted, so to ward away any evil spirits, I've signed
11:48us up to a traditional dance class, which claims to get rid of bad energy.
11:56I've got reviews of this.
11:57Are you ready?
11:58I don't know.
11:59Are you ever ready for this sort of stuff?
12:00Would you be surprised to hear this dancing's quite poorly reviewed?
12:04Hit me.
12:04If I stumbled across this, I'd be terrified.
12:08I swear those were Wookiees.
12:12This looks like something from my nightmares.
12:15Oh, Roshin, it's furry nightmares.
12:18OK, let's go, find out.
12:20I do feel, like, frightened a little bit.
12:23Yeah.
12:23Maybe you're an evil spirit.
12:26Oh, there's a lot of bells and...
12:28Sauce buns.
12:29Yeah.
12:30Like the old rag and bone man.
12:31Did you have one of those on a cart?
12:32No, I was born in the 1800s.
12:36Did you know King Henry?
12:47What the fuck are you doing?
12:49It's very loud, very jangly.
12:51You've got some hairy beasts, and then you've got some Morris dancer types.
12:55It was a bit like a conga, a very basic conga.
12:58I like that dancing.
13:00I didn't find it that scary.
13:02But I imagine at night, if you're in a village in Bulgaria,
13:04and then you see one of those big furry things,
13:08you would shit your pants.
13:11Wow!
13:13It's so hot, it's so hot.
13:14Well done.
13:17That was amazing.
13:18You looked a bit like my dog when he's trying to dry himself.
13:23Yeah.
13:23So the evil spirits would see you guys and be like,
13:25oh, that's too scary.
13:26Oh, yeah.
13:29The idea of the mirrors is to trap them inside.
13:33Oh.
13:33To trap them inside to scare them away.
13:36Ah, yes.
13:36You need more than one system, Sarah.
13:38You can't just touch up.
13:39It's like Ghostbusters.
13:40Yeah, sure.
13:40And you make these?
13:42Yeah, it's all made by hand.
13:43Oh, wow.
13:44Is it like a Christmas tree?
13:46A Christmas tree?
13:47It looks like a Christmas tree.
13:48It's very different from a Christmas tree.
13:50Yeah.
13:51Yeah, it's very colourful.
13:52It's like a Christmas tree you'd get in TK Maxx.
13:56The reviews sort of describe the costumes as terrifying,
13:59but they were cute in real life.
14:00So one can only presume they were littered by evil spirits.
14:03Can we try one on?
14:05Yeah.
14:05Me and Roisin did want to have a go on the furry costumes.
14:08I can't get it on.
14:09It's too small.
14:11But Roisin's head was too big.
14:12I don't know how she got born.
14:14Would I suit longer hair if I've got extensions?
14:21We have to dance away these evil spirits,
14:23so it's over to the Christmas tree boys.
14:25We'll follow you.
14:26Show us the dance.
14:27Clang, clang, clang.
14:29Clang, clang, clang.
14:31I didn't so much feel like I was warding away evil spirits
14:33as being like an uncool mum trying to dance with her teenage kids.
14:38Oh, thank you.
14:39He's like, yeah, now your turn, Roisin.
14:42Now you're a professional.
14:45I am into any sort of rituals you want to do
14:48to make you feel better.
14:49If you believe something works, it works for you.
14:51And I like it.
14:52I like a bit of showbiz if you're dealing with your traumas.
14:55Listen, go therapy or put the hat on.
15:00Thank you so much.
15:02I really love that.
15:03That was like an Essex wedding.
15:05So this gets rid of all the evil spirits.
15:07So they're all gone now.
15:09Yeah.
15:09Perfect. That's great.
15:10It's good for the rest of our trip.
15:12I absolutely disagreed with the reviews.
15:14As an exercise in healing and wellness, I really like this.
15:16When I did my yoga retreat in Costa Rica,
15:19we had to burn sage and then write down a list of all the men
15:22who'd wronged us and set fire to that.
15:23This was much more fun.
15:25All that banishing evil spirits has given us a right appetite.
15:28So we've headed back to the old legends for a Bulgarian takeaway.
15:31I don't know what a lot of it is, but these things looked really nice.
15:36I think they might be cheesy.
15:41Smells nice.
15:41Yeah, really nice.
15:43I don't know if Bulgaria was famous for its food.
15:46Like no one of us is on going out to get a Bulgarian, but tonight we did.
15:49Right, I'm going in my first bit of Bulgarian.
15:54It's delicious.
15:55Oh, good.
15:57Turns out, we love Bulgarian.
15:59Five stars.
16:00Yeah?
16:01That is, until we hit a local delicacy too far.
16:05Nope.
16:06That's why I hid it.
16:07What was it?
16:08Pig's ears.
16:09Traditional pig's ears.
16:11I don't know if I can do that.
16:12Sorry, Bulgaria.
16:14Maybe we just like Bulgarian as a friend.
16:17I don't want to scare you,
16:18but I definitely just saw an old Victorian lady walk across your room.
16:22Did you know she was in there?
16:23That's Mavis.
16:23Hi.
16:25She's Bulgarian.
16:26She helped me with the food.
16:27Cool.
16:28You seemed scared earlier,
16:29but as long as you know she's there.
16:30She promised that she won't touch me when I sleep.
16:33Well, she's touching something now,
16:35looking right at me.
16:37How's she touching?
16:39Her really old genitals.
16:42They're see-through.
16:43Have you ever seen a ghost genitals?
16:45They're see-through.
16:45You've got heat stroke.
16:47I'm not.
16:47Mavis has got bloody heat stroke by the state of these genitals.
16:50I've taken myself off this food.
16:52Let me see what it was.
16:53I did see something move in your room.
16:54It's all jokes aside.
16:57Mavis!
16:58You saw a Victorian ghost wanking over you.
17:03I think you've got heat stroke.
17:06I know what I saw, and it was empowered, gross, and a little bit sexy.
17:12I have actually stayed in eerie places before.
17:14I once found a cheese sandwich in a hotel in Wales in the wardrobe.
17:19Whenever you open a wardrobe again, you're like, what will I find?
17:23Hang up the things that are going to get creased.
17:25See, look, even the wardrobe.
17:26That's so skinny and spooky.
17:29Why would you have such a thin wardrobe?
17:32I have seen ghosts when I had very bad sleep deprivation having my children.
17:36But weirdly, I only ever saw ghosts of people who were alive.
17:38Like my husband.
17:40I'd see him around the house when he wasn't there, he was in bed.
17:43So I know ghosts are real, but I also know they're your imagination.
17:47This will probably scare any ghosts off.
17:50You wish.
17:52Mavis is loving that.
18:01We're in Bulgaria for the summer solstice on a zero stars wellness adventure.
18:06And today, we're escaping a city to a village that's got our name written all over it.
18:14Crapo Starro, baby.
18:16It's perfect for us.
18:17Let's move here.
18:18What's your address?
18:18Number one, Crapo Starro.
18:20Come see me sometime.
18:23Surprisingly, there's more to this place than just the name.
18:29Apparently the kids come here on their school trips to paint on the buildings.
18:32Yes.
18:32The parents of the people who won the school live here.
18:34Oh.
18:35But they come on holiday to paint the village.
18:37Such a great idea.
18:38They do graffiti.
18:39That's John Lennon, definitely.
18:40Okay.
18:40And then there's a poodle.
18:42Karate kid.
18:43Sexy lady.
18:44So it's like local people painted with celebrities, I think is the theme.
18:47Oh, so she'll be like...
18:49Yeah, she's not famous.
18:50Sandra.
18:50Yeah, the Sandra lives near here.
18:52Wow.
18:52I like it here so much.
18:54We went on a school trip to St Paul's Cathedral and I'd have loved it if we'd been allowed
18:57to spray paint on that.
18:59So we're in Crapo Starro.
19:01The reviews are saying things like, oh, it's kitsch or like, don't go to the outside of
19:04the big cities because the villages are poor.
19:07But I wonder if this is a conspiracy, you know, because this is a really, really lovely village
19:11and maybe they don't want tourists.
19:12So they're, they're rating these reviews themselves.
19:15Like, no, no, I don't come.
19:16It's rubbish.
19:16And then keeping it all lovely for themselves.
19:20Since starting off as a destination for art students, it's become known as an open air
19:25art gallery.
19:25And some of the work has been described as amusing.
19:30Hello.
19:31They're really good.
19:32They're amazing.
19:33It's so characterful.
19:34Banksy would absolutely spunk in his pants.
19:37You get to go and see all this amazing artwork and some not so amazing.
19:40And it's funny.
19:41Some of it's funny.
19:41You know, I've been to the worst galleries I've paid 50 quid for that I'm like, why am
19:44I looking at this pigeon's foot?
19:46Breaking Bad.
19:47It's great, isn't it?
19:49And they've done the square.
19:49That's a tracing, basically.
19:51If they've done the squares.
19:53Yeah, don't, don't be hypercritical.
19:55It's hard getting it right.
19:56We all use a bit of tracing now and again.
19:59What would be the worst person, beast or thing you could have graffitied outside your
20:03house?
20:04Theresa May's up there.
20:06Theresa May's up there.
20:08But it's the queen sitting next to a local person.
20:12That's nice.
20:12Should have painted that.
20:14Charlie Chaplin.
20:15Borat.
20:15Mr Bean.
20:17This is the comedy bit.
20:17This is where we should be.
20:19Maybe we will be one day.
20:21This must be one of the local people.
20:23Yeah.
20:23She wanted to be in it but then changed her mind.
20:25Her head's off it.
20:26Maybe she really likes her tits but doesn't like her face.
20:28I've got friends like that.
20:30Whereas I'm the opposite.
20:31Oh, Roshi, look up in the air.
20:33Can you see that massive nest?
20:35Yeah.
20:35So cute.
20:36Do you think they do the graffiti?
20:37I think they judge it.
20:39They're the art critics.
20:41We've arranged to meet one of the artists.
20:43Hello.
20:44Hello.
20:45How are you doing?
20:45I'm Roisin.
20:46I'm Sarah.
20:47Hello.
20:47Nice to meet you.
20:47I'm Vicky.
20:48What are you painting?
20:49I'm painting traditional Bulgarian strawberry candies.
20:53Oh, wow.
20:53From our childhood, yeah.
20:54How long have you been a graffiti artist?
20:56Ten years.
20:57Do you always keep it legal or do you hit the streets at night?
21:00I prefer legal.
21:01Or legal.
21:02And are we allowed to have a go?
21:04If you want, we can try it.
21:05Oh, wow.
21:06We've got black.
21:07Just black?
21:07Yeah.
21:08OK.
21:09What do you want to draw?
21:10I've got a really nice dog who's black and white.
21:13Oh, you're drawing mouse?
21:14Yeah.
21:14I want to do yellow.
21:16I might draw us.
21:17Well, we found a young woman spray painting a house.
21:20Her name's Vicky.
21:21We borrowed her spray paints and started having fun all over the walls.
21:26OK.
21:26That's very sick.
21:27I think for you to be better, like, really close to the wall.
21:30Really close?
21:31Really close.
21:32Yeah, this.
21:32OK, yeah, that's good.
21:34I think I might be the first person to ever do graffiti in wedges.
21:37I feel like it's something I've always done.
21:40Yeah, we've smashed up a car and I've been painting on walls.
21:42Bulgaria has changed us.
21:44I've made him look like an elephant.
21:45Oh, he's perfect.
21:46Oh, the yellow's runny.
21:48Wasn't expecting the runniness.
21:49If this is a sort of wellness journey for me,
21:52I guess it's sort of broken away the constraints of society.
21:55I am freer.
21:56Yeah, we're breaking some laws, aren't we?
21:59I'm not going to pay my tax bill.
22:01I'm finished.
22:01This is really abstract.
22:03It's like Basquiat, you know.
22:05I don't know anything about art.
22:06I'm just really talented.
22:08Oh, great tax.
22:09Got my first rodeo.
22:10I'm Banksy.
22:11Delete the footage!
22:16It's insane.
22:17Actually, it's insane.
22:17I can't draw noses.
22:18I can't draw noses.
22:20No, it's perfect.
22:20It's very joyful.
22:22Yeah.
22:22Spreading happiness.
22:23Also, I like the fact that now when tourists come through, they'll be like,
22:26oh, this is American politics.
22:28This is British politics.
22:29This is the shit bit.
22:30I've got a little special section.
22:32It's a modern art.
22:33That was exhilarating.
22:35Graffiti gang.
22:36Then we get into drugs.
22:37Then we take over the clubs.
22:39Vicky, thank you so much.
22:40We'll leave you to your painting.
22:41Oh, thank you too.
22:42It's really lovely to meet you.
22:43Happy to meet you, Vicky.
22:44Keep fighting the good fight.
22:45Stay out of those cells.
22:46Okay.
22:46You too.
22:47I think it's an incredible place to come.
22:50Doing graffiti was really exciting and I can see why people get a taste for it.
22:54So, I don't know, he's now here for eternity, which sort of makes me feel a bit proud.
23:05We're back on one of the worst rated trains in Europe on our way to the tiny village of Kovprivsista,
23:11where tomorrow we'll be celebrating the Bulgarian summer solstice.
23:15As long as our train doesn't catch on fire.
23:19We've got a big day tomorrow.
23:21It's the summer solstice.
23:22Yeah.
23:22Which is really exciting.
23:23End of it.
23:23End of it, they call it, don't they?
23:25And Yovden.
23:26And Yovden.
23:26I think it's going to be beautiful.
23:28In Bulgarian folklore, summer officially begins with Yovden, a female-led festival of health,
23:34long life and tradition.
23:35It's crying out for a Real Housewives franchise.
23:41Summer solstice, feminine energy, healing powers.
23:45And this is the little cherry on the Bulgarian cake.
23:48I don't know it's a cherry yet.
23:50It could be a little turd on the Bulgarian cake.
23:53So, we'll see.
23:53We'll have to taste that cherry.
23:55And we're really lucky because not many people get to do this.
23:57Not many people don't get to eat shit either.
24:02One online reviewer thinks Kovprivsista offers nothing more than some old buildings.
24:07Well, we're here to prove that some things improve with age.
24:10Like us.
24:11Although we are a bit feeble.
24:12I'll just drag it down in one.
24:13Yeah, careful, careful.
24:14There we go.
24:17It's a very rickety platform.
24:19Very close to the tracks.
24:23Oh, fucking hell.
24:24Come on, man.
24:26Oh, it is beautiful.
24:32Very beautiful.
24:33Tell you what they don't like.
24:34Tarmac.
24:35Ah.
24:36That is.
24:37This is authentic roads.
24:38You look like you're going to New York.
24:41And I love it.
24:42Yeah.
24:42This is the next Sex and the City remake.
24:45Just me walking down this hill precariously to my own death.
24:49And if I'm Carrie and Roshin's Miranda, this is our Samantha.
24:53Eleanor.
24:54Hi.
24:54Hi.
24:55Our host and guide to all things summer solstice.
24:58I'm Roshi.
25:23I'm Roshi.
25:24Once she took us straight into a blisteringly hot kitchen to make some jam.
25:31Rose jam.
25:32Yeah.
25:35It's going to make us look really beautiful.
25:39And our skin really nice.
25:41Oh, I love it.
25:45So the big sale Eleanor said was that it's going to give you glowing skin, get more beautiful.
25:51Not possible.
25:53So she'll have to try that on someone else.
25:56Our first task is to smush up some rose petals with lemon juice in a bowl.
26:00So far, so cottagecore.
26:02Feels like we're a ghost.
26:03Yeah.
26:04Do you want me to come behind you?
26:05Yes.
26:05Yes, please.
26:07Ah, okay.
26:08That's not even the right film.
26:09That's dirty dancing.
26:12Sugar.
26:13And like any superfood, it's a whole pan of sugar.
26:16Oh, more.
26:17Mixed with some sugar.
26:19That's it.
26:19Now we're living.
26:20No diabetics can have this jam.
26:22That's great.
26:23Have you ever made jam before, Sarah?
26:24I hope one day to have the time to do those kind of pursuits.
26:28And in your handwriting, your best fountain pen on the label.
26:31From the heart of my home to the heart of yours.
26:35That's what I'd write on my jam.
26:36I don't want that one.
26:38I want the pornographic card jam.
26:41So it's jam.
26:41Just spunking Willy on it.
26:43Yeah, that's it.
26:44So it's both gifts.
26:47The mix needs a few hours to set, but time is money, baby.
26:51So here's one Eleanor made earlier.
26:54Wasn't expecting it to be so pretty.
26:56Mmm.
26:59Wow.
27:00People should make more jam out of flowers.
27:03Imagine she did put six or seven liters of sugar in there.
27:14So Eleanor steps out, and then she brings in the real heavy,
27:18Grandma Penka.
27:19She's got no time for our fruition.
27:24She's like, immediately, straight here, business, business.
27:27Okay.
27:28But first, I have to pretend whether it's enough.
27:32It's like, keep up with me or leave.
27:34It was like the bear.
27:45Bulgarian yogurt is the perfect pre-solstice pick-me-up, as it's thought to hold the secret
27:50to living to a hundred, and Granny Penka's certainly keeping things fresh.
27:55And the end, I'll smrch him.
27:59Sweet dreams, baby yogurt.
28:01I like that.
28:01That's not bad.
28:02That was nice.
28:05Here it is.
28:06Oh, wow.
28:07That is...
28:07A little bit.
28:09A little bit.
28:11Ooh.
28:12A lot of yogurt.
28:13That's the yogurt-y yogurt that you've got going on.
28:16Thank you very much.
28:18As the only non-vegan between us, it was down to me to whack on the rose jam and grab
28:23the
28:23chance to live to a hundred.
28:29It's delicious.
28:38It's delicious, really delicious.
28:42I've had lots of yogurt.
28:44This was, by far, the worst.
28:49It's really yogurt-y.
28:52Mmm.
28:53It landed.
28:55It landed like lactose-y hell.
29:01No, thank you.
29:03It is tasty, but it's delicious.
29:06We had a big lunch.
29:07We had a big lunch.
29:08And how often do you eat yogurt?
29:10There are people who don't want to live without milk.
29:13I'm not just one of them.
29:14I don't love milk a lot, to tell you.
29:17And I don't eat a lot, too.
29:20And there are people who love milk a lot and eat a lot.
29:24That's right.
29:26What?
29:27What kind of hustle is this?
29:29What are you serving me?
29:30She's like loading up the bowl, like these clowns.
29:32I liked her style.
29:34The yogurt wasn't for me.
29:35I had a reaction to it.
29:36But the jam, the jam was delicious.
29:38Yes.
29:42Well, the experience has been fantastic.
29:44If it was a restaurant, it would be poorly reviewed.
29:46But as an experience of learning how to make these things with people who do,
29:50you know, get ingredients from their garden, I really liked that.
29:53And I really liked them.
29:56The first star might not be the big apple, but between the sketchy grannies and the yogurt
30:01snogging, we've been seduced by its charms.
30:04It's time for an early night to prepare for tomorrow's big solstice celebrations.
30:13I feel like the day has been amazing.
30:15It does feel like it's had a magic in it.
30:18I'm quite woo-woo, but it does feel like I'm under a bit of a spell.
30:21And the whole day has had that sort of quality to it.
30:23And what was in that yogurt?
30:29It's our final morning in Bulgaria.
30:31Today is the big day.
30:33Literally, the summer solstice.
30:35And we've been invited to something so authentically Bulgarian,
30:38we couldn't find a review of it.
30:40Eleanor assured us it's really nice, but I don't trust her.
30:43No, no, no, not after that yogurt.
30:48Oh, my God, it is actually heaven.
30:50Isn't it?
30:50Yeah.
30:51This is beautiful.
30:52What are we doing?
30:53We just woke up with these clothes delivered in our rooms.
30:56Beautiful.
30:58Or take it.
30:59But what are we doing here today?
31:01On this day, the berries are the most healthy and lightest
31:04and we will collect them today.
31:07Your gift must be 77 berries and a half.
31:1077?
31:12And a half.
31:13Yes, yes.
31:14That's a lot of herbs.
31:15KFC is five.
31:17It's meant to be relaxing.
31:18It sounds like gardening.
31:20Yeah.
31:22Are we going gardening in Bulgaria?
31:23Free gardening.
31:24So why, why so many herbs?
31:26Why 77 and a half?
31:34And is it a pagan ritual then?
31:40I thought you were asking if it was paid.
31:41I think this is voluntary.
31:43Hey, is this a paid ritual?
31:45How much per herb?
31:47So we're ready.
31:48Are these all your pals?
31:49Yeah.
31:49This year's gang?
31:50Yeah.
31:50They look like right up our street.
31:52Meet them girls in the smoking area, no doubt.
31:54Yeah.
31:54Come on, let's go.
31:56Come here.
31:56Oh, wow.
31:57We're here to celebrate the longest day of the year in this blistering summer heat.
32:01Picking 77 and a half herbs to make everyone in the world well again.
32:06Thank you ladies.
32:07Women helping women.
32:09I felt lots of good energy as soon as I arrived here.
32:12What a magical place this is to be having this celebration.
32:16You're connected to the land.
32:17You've got all of these different flowers and insects.
32:19I saw a frog.
32:22We're healing.
32:24Hello.
32:25Hello.
32:25Hello.
32:26Happy solstice day.
32:29This is lovely.
32:31Isn't it?
32:31I'm going to take my dress off and sunbathe over here Roche.
32:35But sunbathing will have to wait.
32:37Those herbs won't pick themselves.
32:40I got one.
32:40Are you getting started straight off the bat?
32:42Yeah, might as well.
32:4377 is a lot.
32:44Ready, steady, herb.
32:49Is dandelion a herb?
32:51I don't think so.
32:52I guess when it's 77 you can't be that fussy, can you?
32:54You've just got to stock up on everything.
32:56This is dicey in these shoes.
33:00I'm going to get some of this leaf in case it's a herb.
33:02It's two down, 75 to go.
33:04My shoes are coming off.
33:06This feels dangerous.
33:07It's becoming clear this isn't quite the chill nature retreat we were hoping for.
33:12In terms of wellness, it would be nice if it wasn't completely straight up.
33:17My only problem with it is it's up the side of a mountain.
33:21Oh my God.
33:22I can't get up here.
33:24I sort of thought, oh it would be in a field and I had visions of us sort of running
33:27around.
33:27But it's a lot of just trying to stay alive.
33:31Fuck.
33:31Excuse me.
33:32Excuse my language.
33:35I don't know how these ladies, they must be like...
33:37Mountain goats in disguise.
33:38Yeah, just like well used to it.
33:40I think some of them are goats.
33:41It's unbelievable.
33:44Roisin may have finally found her footing, but between us, the herbs are playing hard to get.
33:50Has anyone seen any basil?
33:52Or like rosemary, thyme?
33:55We've got deliveries there.
33:56I don't think we could just order it.
33:57I think we have to choose what they have.
33:59Oh, I think I've found a herb.
34:00Have you?
34:01No.
34:01There's no herbs here.
34:02Now, I don't want to start any conspiracies.
34:05But these women had cleaned up here before we got here.
34:09Their baskets were heaving to the brim.
34:11It was like Black Friday out there.
34:12And they're going, oh you can't find anything.
34:14No, there's nothing left.
34:16You've literally cleaned the mountain.
34:26As the hills come alive at the sound of music,
34:28we're finally starting to relax into the festivities.
34:32Unless they're singing no herb losers.
34:35The other women did do a lot better than us, but I feel really rejuvenated.
34:39I think the problem of a lot of wellness things that the Western people choose to go to,
34:43is they just want to be pampered.
34:44That's what they mean.
34:45Whereas this is, heal yourself.
34:47Pick the dandelion.
34:48Hold the pine cone.
34:49Have your feet on the earth, slightly damp from the stream you crossed.
34:54I think it's very nourishing in a different way.
35:00Very good.
35:01But it is slowing you down on the herbs.
35:0477 is a lot of herbs, guys.
35:08It's time to see if we've picked enough to survive the year,
35:11as our baskets are judged by the Simon Cowell of herb gathering, Eleanor.
35:15I don't know.
35:16Have we got enough, 70?
35:18No.
35:18No, no, no.
35:20I've got a lot of dandelions and pine cones, if that helps.
35:26She's saying that's not a herb.
35:27Give the hands up my basket.
35:29This is my precious logo.
35:32I worked very hard to get it.
35:33Give me those herbs.
35:37Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
35:45It was so fun.
35:45It feels weird we're leaving you on the side of a mountain.
35:56Yeah.
36:01Looking back, I'm not surprised Eleanor didn't come along.
36:04No amount of herbs could keep us safe from the solstice tradition
36:07that she had planned for us.
36:08Wow.
36:09What a day.
36:10Something like this.
36:11This bit is where it goes the full midsummer.
36:14They've got a cross and they've got a fire.
36:16They're going to barbecue us.
36:18Hot coals, baby.
36:24The grill masters are locals, Daisy and George.
36:27Hopefully they can tell us what's going on.
36:30What are you doing?
36:35Oh, you're going to dance on the coals?
36:37Yes.
36:37Why?
36:38What do you do it for?
36:40For health.
36:41For summer.
36:42For summer.
36:42For summer.
36:43For summer.
36:43For summer.
36:44For summer.
36:44For summer.
36:47Right.
36:48They help us dance in the grill.
36:51Okay.
36:51Lovely.
36:52We can't wait to watch.
36:53We'll go and take our places.
36:54We'll watch you.
36:55Okay.
36:58Nestinari is an ancient tradition which brave tourists have been known to try.
37:02And surprisingly, they don't always come out feeling healthy or lucky.
37:11We sat quite close when you think about it.
37:15It's an incredible ceremony.
37:17It's a mixture of pagan and Christianity.
37:19They were sort of giving prayers and bowing.
37:23I don't think he's clapping.
37:24He's not clapping.
37:26Oh!
37:27On she goes.
37:28On she goes.
37:29She's not going very pacey.
37:31She's taking her time.
37:32I've picked up really hot things before.
37:34I've worked at McDonald's.
37:35Not bragging.
37:35So I've picked up really hot things that have been on fire.
37:38And it takes your skin a second to go, oh no.
37:41But they seem to be enjoying it.
37:42Kept going back for more.
37:43Digging their heels in.
37:46Oh my God.
37:46He's sort of parked up for a bit.
37:48Like he was just getting ready to live.
37:50Going deep in there.
37:51What I thought watching them was, what an odd hobby.
37:54It's impressive.
37:55Tiny little feet as well, but there's smoke coming off them.
37:58It also, without being disrespectful,
38:00it's a little bit like watching cats kick litter.
38:03Oh!
38:03It's exactly what it is.
38:04A big litter tray.
38:05Yeah.
38:06Just a little bit like...
38:07What's he doing in there?
38:08Because that's the bit where I think we need to clean that bit out.
38:15Well done.
38:15Thank you so much.
38:17You looked very relaxed when you were on there.
38:19Yeah, you both looked like you were in the zone.
38:36And how are your feet feeling?
38:40Look at here, Sarah.
38:43Yeah.
38:46You can try also.
38:50Daisy was like, oh, now you have a go.
38:52Probably thinking we were going to say no.
38:55It was just a moment of madness.
38:57It was a moment of absolute madness.
39:03I just thought, do it.
39:04That little voice is like, do it, do it.
39:05I think we should just run across it.
39:07I think we're just going to do it.
39:07She threw down the gauntlet, thought we'd be scared.
39:10So we had to prove her wrong.
39:16Let's not fall in it.
39:17That's the most important thing.
39:18Oh yeah, definitely not fall in it.
39:19Keep the faith.
39:23Okay.
39:27That's what it is.
39:28This empty brain, I can do that.
39:29Empty my brain.
39:30My brain's been empty for years.
39:34Okay, right.
39:35Ready?
39:43Bad.
39:43Definitely got bad.
39:46I feel so healthy.
39:49I got burned.
39:50You did it?
39:50I swear to God.
39:51I didn't feel anything.
39:52I got bloody burned.
39:53I think I have such an empty brain.
39:55We did it.
39:56We did it.
39:59Oh God.
40:05Wow, Sarah.
40:06This is very beautiful.
40:07It's lovely.
40:07It's a good end to the trip.
40:09Do you feel different to before you ran across hot coals?
40:12I feel like the trip as a whole was quite restorative.
40:14I feel really proud of myself and very tender-souled.
40:20Yes.
40:20And I mean foot-souled.
40:22Yeah.
40:22You should be proud of yourself.
40:23It's good when we do scary things.
40:24But you didn't get burned, did you, on your feet?
40:26I was just a bit better at it, but don't worry.
40:32I'm going home from our wellness journey refreshed.
40:35From now on, I'm going to arm wrestle everyone I meet,
40:38vandalise property and make my own jam.
40:41My review of our Bulgarian adventure is a calming four stars.
40:45Namaste.
40:47How did I find Bulgaria?
40:49Well, I got to smash up a car, dance with some Christmas trees
40:51and let's not forget, I'm going to live to be 100.
40:54So yeah, five stars for me.
41:01This is such a great end to the wellness retreat.
41:03The thing is though, while it's been restorative,
41:05we've worked very hard.
41:07Yeah.
41:07So maybe we should book a proper retreat.
41:09Yeah.
41:10And there's ants everywhere.
41:11There's a lot of ants.
41:12Yeah.
41:13But the ants are nine times the size of normal ants.
41:15Have they got you?
41:16They've got me right up the bum.
41:42And there's so much other ants.
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