- 8 hours ago
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00:16We're standing on the dress.
00:18Sorry, sorry.
00:19I've got the twist back.
00:19I've got twisted again.
00:21Sorry.
00:21I think I've collected some cigarette butts in the skirt.
00:24Woo-hoo!
00:27We're here, baby.
00:28Most travelers avoid bad reviews.
00:31Let's see what the review says.
00:32One star.
00:33One star.
00:34I've never seen anything more stupid.
00:35If I could give it zero stars, I would.
00:37But not us.
00:38I'm a woman in a man's world. I make up my own mind.
00:41I'm Sarah Pascoe.
00:43I'm brilliant at this.
00:44I'm Roisin Conaty.
00:46Come on, fishy, fishy.
00:47We're comedians, but more importantly, best friends.
00:51As someone who has received bad reviews,
00:53I will always try to look to the good.
00:54So we're turning the tables on the review sites.
00:57They were so busy typing in their phone moaning
00:59that they forgot to look out.
01:00And visiting places based on the worst reviews.
01:03I'm closer.
01:04It's nothing to be afraid of.
01:06My review is 100 stars.
01:08But will this journey of salvation be a five-star fun-fest?
01:12I'm an absolute killer!
01:14Yes!
01:15Yes!
01:15Or are we in for a holiday from hell?
01:19Yes!
01:19Yes!
01:21Yes!
01:22Yes!
01:26Yes!
01:27Yes!
01:28Yes!
01:33Yes!
01:34Yes!
01:35Yes!
01:36Yes!
01:38Yes!
01:40Yes!
01:41I had to say to do earlier of,
01:42I'll get very sick at six.
01:44Oh, it's too late now.
01:46I have never been on a cruise.
01:47I've only ever been on a ferry and a Pedelo.
01:50I'm very excited about cruising.
01:52I'm thinking about the stars, in the sky at night.
01:55Cheeky cigarette up on deck.
01:56It's gonna be exquisite.
01:58You've just got to think like a mermaid, Roisin.
02:00My God. I'm a cruise virgin.
02:03I presume the reviews of people haven't enjoyed it,
02:05but I'm hoping I'll get a taste for it.
02:08Maybe I'll have a little flirt with a captain.
02:13If he wants. Only if he wants. No pressure.
02:19Wowee.
02:20That's bigger than some countries.
02:22That's got to make you feel more positive.
02:24Yeah, it looks so massive.
02:26I think this is going to be fantastic.
02:28I know that's what people boarding the Titanic saw.
02:30Oh, don't say that.
02:31It's so big it can't go wrong, but this is so big it can't go wrong.
02:38Yes, it's all aboard the Gemini for a three-night taster cruise,
02:42sailing from Athens to the islands of Santorini and Mykonos,
02:45before finally dropping anchor in the Turkish port of Kusadasi.
02:50It's been described as very economical compared to other cruises,
02:54which seems true.
02:56For just €480, depending on when you sail,
03:00you get a sun deck, swimming pool, jacuzzi, beauty centre, gym, bars,
03:05a casino and two restaurants.
03:08A swordfish, anyone?
03:11One cruiser loved it, saying,
03:13I highly recommend it to those who want to live a unique experience.
03:16Sounds like a bit of us.
03:20But some others haven't loved the Gemini,
03:23so we're setting sail to find out for ourselves.
03:31It's 12.01 and time for the welcome aboard.
03:35This can't be the only way on.
03:38I think it's probably setting the tone for us, isn't it?
03:41This might as well be the Woolwich Ferry.
03:43Look, the rest of it looks quite glamorous.
03:46This says, lower your expectations.
03:49Yep.
03:53Oh, God.
03:55First things first, we venture to the cabins below deck.
03:58The glamour.
04:01It's small, Sarah.
04:02It's cosy.
04:05Can I...
04:06Oh, dear.
04:07We both...
04:08How do I go after you?
04:10Oh, oh.
04:13Sorry, excuse me.
04:15It's tiny.
04:17If I...
04:18Look, if I go in here when you need some room or some space,
04:22then I could let you have some privacy.
04:25See, it's a wardrobe big enough for a whole person.
04:28It's so loud.
04:28It's so loud.
04:29It's a really loud wardrobe.
04:31Watch this in the morning.
04:32Sorry, Sarah, I'm just going to go down and get some breakfast.
04:36Forgot my trousers.
04:37Forgot my trousers.
04:39The cabin is pokey.
04:41It's tiny.
04:42It's perfect.
04:42If you're on holiday with your friends.
04:44Oh, I like this area.
04:46All the electricals in one zone.
04:48All the mod cons.
04:49Yeah.
04:49Air conditioning written on in blue biro.
04:52Handy.
04:53Hello.
04:54Why is the room so small?
04:56Here we go.
04:57Ooh.
04:58It's not a bad bathroom on a boat.
05:00Look at this.
05:01Look at this happy fellow.
05:03There is a beer bottle opener.
05:05A beer bottle opener?
05:07So you can have one on the toilet.
05:08Boat life, man.
05:09That's...
05:09We're learning about it.
05:10That's indicative of something bad.
05:13All right, let's read some of these reviews.
05:15Like steerage class on the Titanic, faded pink toilet seats would not recommend to anyone take a formal cruise.
05:23What do you mean a formal cruise line?
05:24What is this, amateur?
05:25And also, did they survive the Titanic disaster and then get on another cruise ship?
05:31Because they said it's like you had actual info of what steerage was like.
05:34Yeah.
05:34I don't think the room is bad.
05:35I think it's small, but it's not bad.
05:37But also, it's on a boat.
05:38Yeah.
05:38When you get on a train to sleep, like a sleeper carriage, it's small because you're on a train.
05:43Yeah.
05:43When you sleep on a plane, you've only got your chair.
05:45Yeah.
05:45So this is loads of room compared to a chair.
05:49OK, we're on holiday.
05:51I think we should be open to anything.
05:53Whoa, whoa, whoa.
05:54OK, right, all right.
05:55Sounds like a swingers line.
05:57Firstly.
05:58Bring it down or not in your suit.
06:01Right.
06:01It sounds like there's loads of stuff going on.
06:03It's different every day.
06:04So, mini golf.
06:05OK.
06:05Not swinging.
06:07Unless you think...
06:07I kind of got excited about the swinging.
06:09Golf swing.
06:09Oh, there she is.
06:11Lock up your captains.
06:13It's time to explore the Gemini.
06:15I'm an Aries.
06:16Not normally into them.
06:17Wow, way.
06:19Ooh.
06:21Now we're cruising.
06:22We are cruising.
06:24Everyone's here to see and be seen.
06:27Hi, fellas.
06:30So the ship is not the most luxurious liner on the water.
06:36She may have seen better days.
06:38She may never have been that glamorous in quite a competitive field.
06:43But it's a lot of fun.
06:44See, I'm a different person on the cruise.
06:46I'm Saz Paz.
06:47I'm cooler.
06:49Saz Paz is a good name.
06:51Yeah.
06:52My first impressions of the cruise are...
06:54It's quite charming, which I'm surprised by.
06:57There's lots of very odd stuff.
07:00And also, you get quite into cruise wars.
07:03Like, we're bigger than you, bigger than sea jets.
07:06We're not the smallest boat.
07:08See you later, losers.
07:10There's a wholesomeness to it and a bit of an oddness to it.
07:13Oh, there's a dartboard just out here.
07:15Imagine you're just trying to get down here.
07:17We're just slinging darts.
07:20Chaos.
07:21It's great chaos.
07:24It's also lunchtime, so we head to the complimentary all-you-can-eat buffet.
07:31One of the attractions of a luxury cruise is a dazzling array of restaurants and gourmet cuisine.
07:37The Gemini's definitely keeping it more real with a couple of cheeky buffets,
07:42where me and Saz Paz, who's also a Gemini, are perusing the delicacies.
07:49Are you going to just start loading up before you do all the recce?
07:52Oh, yeah.
07:53I need to do recce to know what's there first at a buffet.
07:56This is good.
07:57This shows as a personality.
07:59You've got to the first one and started loading up on the pub.
08:01What is a mad rush on the hummus?
08:04There isn't any protein.
08:05Is it a veggie?
08:06I rang ahead and said I had a meat allergy and that I'd die if there was any on board,
08:11Roisin.
08:12I hope that's OK.
08:15Roisin, guess what?
08:16This is a salad area.
08:17There's all the meats over there.
08:18See you later.
08:20There's a hot meat section.
08:22This is great.
08:22We're going to have a very healthy lunch.
08:24Greek salad, no feta.
08:25They've taken up the expensive bit.
08:28These don't look like anyone loved them.
08:31When you cut a tomato like that, I think it's a real tell about the place.
08:35It's like a canary in the coal mine.
08:37It's like, I don't give a fuck.
08:39But now to my favourite, the meats.
08:42Ooh.
08:43This will be the thing.
08:44These kind of stews.
08:45The thing with buffets is you need to know, we should have done Reckie, because look at our plate.
08:49We're already, I'm already at capacity.
08:51No, but the glorious thing about buffets, you can revisit, so you don't need to Reckie.
08:54I always feel weird about that.
08:56I don't.
08:57That's the joy.
08:58I'll see you again in a minute.
09:01You know, usually when you're really, really hungry, food just tastes fantastic.
09:05That isn't up to them.
09:06No.
09:06And I'm so hungry.
09:08In the Sainsbury's, they'll have a salad bar.
09:11Yeah.
09:11It isn't that different from that.
09:12It's worse than that.
09:13Yeah.
09:14Sainsbury's, don't be smirked Sainsbury's like that.
09:16Sainsbury's.
09:17Yes.
09:20Chicken's nice.
09:21It's like somebody's been eating chicken for three days.
09:25At least we can take in the views of the dock.
09:28We've not left yet.
09:30Would you like to hear some reviews while you enjoy your...
09:33I like the way you wait until I'm halfway through the bit of food that I like, but I'm all
09:36in.
09:37Waited in line for hours to get a cup of tea.
09:39We're getting off this boat.
09:41Sarah, we're getting off this boat.
09:43Stop.
09:44We will put up with anything.
09:45Don't lift the anchor.
09:47Greek cruise, question mark.
09:49We chose a holiday to the Greek island, but we didn't taste any Greek cuisine.
09:53The cruise is clearly Turkish.
09:57Turkish food is my favourite food.
09:58I know.
09:58This food is international waters food, but the desserts are fantastic.
10:03It's got that to look forward to, not with a cup of tea.
10:08Lunch wasn't great.
10:09I'm hungry.
10:10You know, it's a strange old boat, but it's quite sweet and archaic, and I love it a bit.
10:20Cruising!
10:21Now, that's the noises I came for.
10:27We're on a suspiciously cheap cruise on the Mediterranean Sea.
10:31Well, that's where they said it's going.
10:33We haven't actually left the dock for the entire first day.
10:36But who cares?
10:38We're off to a cocktail-making class.
10:40Hopefully, I'll get so pissed, I think I'm at sea.
10:44Nice to meet you.
10:46Nice to meet you.
10:47Nice to meet you.
10:47Nice to meet you.
10:48Hello.
10:49What's your name?
10:49Stidderson.
10:50I'm bartender for Yemeni cruise line.
10:53Ah.
10:54Nice to meet you.
10:54So, now we have our cocktail, a Gemini Sour.
10:58A Gemini Sour.
10:59A Gemini Sour.
11:00Gemini, the name of the boat.
11:00Gemini.
11:01Otherwise, I thought it's a bit...
11:02I mean, I guess I don't have a sense of humour, but I wouldn't call them sour.
11:06It's OK, it's OK.
11:06You're a rookie.
11:07You're a rookie.
11:08So, now we will teach you how to make.
11:10Nice.
11:11First thing, we take the shaker.
11:13We use a gin.
11:14Oh, lovely.
11:15Just one of these?
11:16Yes, one of these.
11:18A little bit of lime is enough.
11:21OK, yeah, we like lime.
11:22Grenadine, just a little bit.
11:23Oh, OK, little bit.
11:25It's OK, everything can happen.
11:27Ice.
11:27Ice?
11:28Come on, we've got a busy bar out here.
11:30How's our business going to last?
11:31Sorry, guys, it's my first day.
11:33I don't know how to work the till.
11:34No, ice in the glass.
11:36Oh, in the glass.
11:36Yeah.
11:37What do you want?
11:38A Gemini Sour?
11:39She's got it.
11:41Yeah, do it.
11:41Now you can shake.
11:42Hang on, I'm wearing white, so I'm going to do it.
11:44No, like this, in front.
11:46Don't be scared.
11:47Come to Sarah and Roisin's bar.
11:49It's as cheap as the Weatherspoons.
11:51I'm done.
11:52I think that's ready.
11:52Yes.
11:53It's very, very cold.
11:55Yes.
11:55Did I not do it properly?
11:57He man-shook.
11:58He did man-shake me, didn't he?
12:00He will put it in the glass.
12:02Cocktail.
12:05And Mummy gets to taste it now, does she?
12:07Yes.
12:08You are so sweet.
12:09Cheers!
12:11Cheers, I love to cruise.
12:13When does it take off?
12:17Call me naive, but I did think cruising would involve a lot more being at sea.
12:22Our ship should have left Athens two hours ago, but I can still get my Jane McDonald on.
12:28When I was 20, it was my dream to work on a cruise as an entertainer, and it's only taken
12:33me 25 years, and I'm finally on a cruise, and I'm going to get onto that stage no matter what
12:39happens.
12:42You wanted to be an entertainer?
12:44Yeah, I used to go to the auditions.
12:45I always got through the singing round, never through the dancing.
12:48Scuppered me.
12:48I always got through the dancing, Sarah.
12:50Did you?
12:51The running man.
12:52Shut up.
12:52I don't know why I did.
12:54Wow.
12:55Luxury cruise ships have Cirque du Soleil and Broadway productions on board.
13:00But the Gemini offers a more unique set up.
13:03One reviewer said, the entertainment on the ship remains in the 1980s.
13:08Let's hope it's not a gritty play about Thatcherism.
13:15Something's happening.
13:16Something's happening.
13:17So the entertainment was a secret pirate show, and it really did make us jump.
13:22I mean, where have they been hiding?
13:25Pirates?
13:32Well, shiver me timbers, my dreams of cruise ship entertaining are coming true.
13:42I like the entertainment.
13:43I mean, not as much as Sarah, obviously.
13:45Absolutely lost the run of herself.
13:47Don't worry, don't worry.
13:48It's okay, it's like we'll stick together.
13:52It's a non-speaking show.
13:54It's a dance troupe.
13:55Sarah's like,
13:56This has happened and that's happened.
13:59She's ad-libbing the whole way through.
14:01Leave us alone.
14:03Look, there's no such thing as small parts, only small actors, all right?
14:08We're walking in.
14:09We're walking in.
14:11She's really trying to get a story going, a narrative arc.
14:16I'll give you all our treasure!
14:17Come on!
14:34Very good acting.
14:41you must be in a really good mood is that we get a pina clada because you've got to
14:44finally live your dream i was amazed at being up there you should have seen the eyes of the
14:48crowd rush they were watching me like i wish i was you and so now you're in the crew what
14:53are you pirate number one the hundred and nine one hundred and nine straight to the top of the
14:59cool shade all right we're going to read some reviews of the entertainment nearly 20 dance
15:06groups came to the ship for two nights made us sit constantly changed clothes hypnotized us all
15:11what what what what no that's in review how'd you been irritated by oh you've changed again i know
15:20you you're wearing something different you're wearing a red top a minute ago i can't keep up
15:24with this okay let's go i'm having fun rush i am actually end of day one i feel a little
15:33bit
15:33perturbed we haven't moved it's like going on a road trip and then you ask them at the end of
15:38the
15:38first day of the road trip how's it going and i go we're still in the car park in fact
15:43our ship
15:44doesn't make it out of port until midnight that's only six hours after we're supposed to
15:53put your foot down pal we've got places to be
16:04overnight the gemini has absolutely bombed it across the sea
16:08and now we're on our way to our first excursion on the island of santorini
16:14very early start for us yes it's quite a tight time frame isn't it like the way they do on
16:20the
16:20cruise yeah it's like be there at five past eight or you're staying on the boat today but i like
16:26this
16:26boat as a change from the old boat i'm used to that boat this is a new boat oh it's
16:34beautiful
16:35look it's so pretty have you ever been to santorini i don't think i have have you no i've heard
16:41about
16:41it i thought it was in italy though because it sounds italian oh yeah but i do like santorini
16:45tomatoes love them we might meet some it's at this moment that my seasickness really kicked in
16:53happy holidays i'm not a great sailor now this is the bit where i could spew on you sarah i'll
16:59hold
16:59your hair i've done really well until we got over there and then the second we stopped rolling i
17:05puked in the sea so yeah not a great sailor and i'm i'm even worse with heights
17:14the santorini cable car travels 220 meters up a hill to the town of fira where all the pretty stuff
17:20is
17:22it's this rickety lift or a 45 minute walk in the baking sun so time to face my fears
17:32i'm going to close my eyes for this
17:36there's donkeys i know you don't want to look well i don't want to look okay just tell me tell
17:40me what
17:40they look like okay i was talking for i actually want to know how to do we're blind man's it's
17:43very
17:43similar so there's a little patch of donkeys they're all swishing their tails look very happy okay
17:46you're going up a steep hill but if you look behind don't mention the hill um there's there's the ocean
17:51that's just tell me a different thing okay okay well butter beans are my favorite food probably okay
17:57what i'd love to do is it'll make them a broth that they really deserve oh nice oh god the
18:04key i went
18:04to a soup making workshop the key is onions have to be cooked from gold you can't put if you've
18:10got
18:10onions into hot oil they taste disgusting okay just not nice we should have a cooking program where
18:17you've got your eyes shut and i just make you some food i prefer it to this to be honest
18:24do you want to open your eyes i feel like i've been quantum leaked
18:30hot spot of the super rich santorini is famous for its volcanic hot springs beautiful ancient ruins and
18:36delicious local wines and we've got just enough time for none of those things wow you're
18:43surprised how high we are i'm very surprised and i'm glad i kept my eyes closed sarah so pretty so
18:50nice according to the information on the boat the thing to do on santorini is a good flying dress
18:56photo shoot you're not flying the chances yeah that because that's that'll be great it's like an instagram
19:04thing i guess where people come and have it is yeah well i imagine our instagrams we're gonna get
19:09more followers now i thought it was nearer on the map the thing is if you were here for a
19:15week
19:16you take your time you do this we've got such a limited amount of time yeah we've got to do
19:20all
19:20of santorini in an hour and 45 minutes and we've been on these stairs for 12 minutes yeah so why
19:26can't
19:26this dress come and get us and fly us there maybe we'll fly all the way back to the top
19:30again
19:30you must be your eyes shut you can tell me about soup
19:37here she is hello hello we're ready it's very warm for our makeover nice to meet them elginia
19:44elginia hello i'm sarah i'm roisin nice to meet you hello nice to meet you amigos nice to meet you
19:50flying dress photo shoots are now popular all over the world but the concept was actually invented in
19:56santorini in 2016 and today we're having our photos taken by its original creator eugenia bolacatina
20:04one online reviewer said the pics make me think the wearer just blasted the biggest fart
20:10lucky i had beans for breakfast
20:13uh we picked up two dresses for you uh one a fluffy one but still uh with a flying really
20:20long train
20:20another one is a golden one like for a goddess and now we will be taking pictures right here wow
20:27and why do people do this on santorini i think because uh this background really pops up uh in
20:34the contrast of these uh dresses usually we have these bright colors like the most popular is red
20:40actually but all other colors look fantastic on this white and blue background and it's called a flying
20:46dress why is it called a flying dresses because they actually fly we have an assistant who will make
20:51it fly actually oh okay oh this is it but you know that bit in uh in wicked yeah sometimes
20:57when it's
20:58windy they fly themselves but not it's not okay let's go and get changed shall we let's go i'm not
21:04very
21:04good at being a model no not am i what's your sullen you might have noticed what a holiday
21:39here we are yes picture together you're standing on the dress sorry sorry sorry i've got a twist back
21:48i've got twisted again sarah uh standing near the wall and you're on this okay i think i've collected
21:54some cigarette butts in the skirt where are you going sorry don't flash i can completely hide you
22:00i want me near the wall okay so we've decided what you said oh you're standing on this side this
22:05is
22:05me i'm not brushing oh shit you're on that side right my feet are in it okay so with your
22:11left hand
22:11hold the dress this part yes shoulders straight boobs out yes uh maybe uh bend your left leg more i
22:20think
22:20i look like i need the toy i'm just going that is what she looks like when she needs the
22:24toilet left shoulder
22:26lower this one's left left yes there you go doesn't feel great it's a little it doesn't feel great
22:32but on the pictures it does look great usually one yeah go three
22:46maybe the same laughing you look looking at each other look at each other yeah
22:49two one this is going to be evidence when they put this in my sign you know that one two
23:00three
23:04maybe you can i can do it don't worry
23:09i see is there anything else we need i think we should do serious yeah for our passports
23:13you're a serious one now like we're just like our husbands didn't turn up on the mountain we're
23:18running from the church she's like we've got some ideas the models have got ideas we're more than just
23:24our beauty you know my face is about to melt yeah one two three
23:33one two three whoa cool all right smashed it okay we did it with models now
23:45wow it's taken most of our time here on the island but we don't look that bad in one of
23:49the
23:50photos it looks like a princess and i'm like your std
23:55that dress is absolutely stunning hope i don't get my lunch down it come up
24:00do you feel the birkenstocks make it or no yeah it shows you're down to earth okay smash that now
24:07time to do the only other thing we've got time for on the island leaving that's all we've got time
24:11but we have to leave imagine how nice it would be to actually get to see santorini you've got to
24:16get
24:16a cable car so you've got two choices with lasagna in terms of work would you dare put the pasta
24:23in
24:24not at all cooked those i don't trust the oblongs of pasta to soak up the juice oh god
24:37we're on a cruise which one reviewer said fell short of our expectations leaving us disillusioned
24:44and regretful but so far i don't regret a thing but that could change as we've signed up for some
24:51mini
24:53mini golf oh yes hello how are you good i'm good ready for mini golf yeah oh we're doing it
25:00here
25:00yeah okay it's like mobile mini golf you can just bring it anywhere yeah because mini golf is supposed
25:06to be holes in the ground this is supposed to be a mini version of golf whereas what bob has
25:11is a piece
25:12of woods with some holes in it and so when he sort of came along i thought this isn't going
25:16to work for
25:16us we're sophisticated women on a cruise did you color it in yourself yeah it's really good this is
25:24like the original way isn't it i'm in gold don't be shy oh no it's for first time that's good
25:34it's very lo-fi but his attitude is exceptional and we really got into the spirit of it actually
25:39i want to give it a go though cut it in oh
25:43it's better and you have to be lucky for sure yeah you have to be lucky how long have you
25:49worked
25:50on cruise ships like three years it's fun you like the lifestyle yeah this entertainment job so
25:56you're always moving yeah and i'm going mykonos santorini rodas piraya so i never go in these places
26:01before no it's a great way to see the world so we are like working and playing at the same
26:07time like
26:07you're having fun in your job you don't get annoyed with the tourists look sometimes
26:13it's happening yeah bob's got some stories it's something yeah it's happening oh it's happening
26:21come on bob show us what you're made of huh muscles muscles let's say muscles before you go
26:28very slow yay points for bob yeah good face good golf face yeah it was very good
26:37i'm very good we should talk like uh business deals because that's what people do when they do go
26:43oh yeah some people say it's a crime but what do they know
26:50business the thing i like about my secretary is she wears really tight skirts
26:57oh these tax men are up my ass it's 19 not enough
27:05what's your line of business bob i need to have a disco
27:08need to have a disco yeah i will be the worst 100 that's it that's the chat that's going to
27:13get
27:13you over the line bob this no business this we're not going right now this is the most fun on
27:19the boat
27:20best thing i've done i'm saying just on this cruise i'm saying potentially over the whole of zero stars
27:26my life no it's not a highlight of my life
27:30that's what roisin said oh that's sad so on a scale of one to standing in a baking hot dress
27:36on
27:36the island yeah i'm attuned i've learned something about myself and i think i might be a i might be
27:43a
27:43golfer did it you did it no who knew i'd find out about it on the gemini cruise and it
27:52just shows you
27:53what you can have fun with because when you turned up with the sign that you colored in yourself bob
27:57my
27:57expectations were not not high well it's really lovely to meet you thank you so much you really
28:03just take care of yourself thank you very much i was gonna steal it but i like you can take
28:08it
28:08you know in there thank you so much bye take care of yourself in fact we've had so much fun
28:13playing
28:14zero stars mini golf we've missed the boat to go to mykonos for the evening but no fear we've decided
28:20to hit the ship's casino instead and go all in on this cruise but first we need a glow up
28:27for our evening of glamour so we've got to get out of the businessman character and into a business
28:33lady this afternoon went to spa with roisin we're not really girly girls but we have been a bit on
28:38this boat i've never had my nails done before i don't know what she's going to do to them i'll
28:43be
28:43a vamp i hope she gives you those big shawl ones i'll never have to walk up again but also
28:48never be able
28:49to pick my nose again hello i'm good guy will be your hairdresser for today you can follow me inside
28:53thank you you're very welcome hello welcome with sarah my name is linda and i'll be your nail technician
29:00what service are we doing today we're doing the nails yes you can make them um colorful colorful
29:06yes do you get good gossip i bet you get good gossip in the salon a lot a lot being
29:12in the salon
29:13it's like therapy yeah oh because people just sit there and then they go oh god a lot yes all
29:19right
29:19okay yeah there was a couple at the airport when i landed and i don't think they're going to last
29:23the holiday why she said you've been you've been acting like a prick ever since we got on this flight
29:31and he went you can stick your stupid holiday and he walked away but only about 15 feet
29:36do you like having your hair done i really like having my hair done to give you all the tingles
29:40yeah makes you relax nicely when i was a child i used to itch my head in front of my
29:45mum so she'd
29:46check my head for lice because i like the feelings that is manipulative it's really got up that near
29:51it but oh come here and then she's start going through yeah a lot of the time i did have
29:55lice so
29:56it's actually ended up shame on me there you go where else have you been on the cruises okay i've
30:03been
30:03everywhere like i just miss asia like japan china and australia everywhere else i already was
30:10full europe antarctica canada yes you've been to antarctica yes on the cruise
30:16there isn't many cruises around there it looks so pretty very shame oh it does i can't almost
30:21look a bit awake in the mirror you look like 60s do i yeah no not in your 60s from
30:27the 60s
30:28this is taking a very bad no no you look like you enjoyed that big old rob she really had
30:34a little
30:34tickle no it's gorgeous you've done such a lovely job it's like you sort of proper beehive
30:39swinging 60s carnaby street roche 10 inches french
30:48now we're the with the upmarket version of what we used to be we're going to go into that buffet
30:53and
30:53be like i think you can keep it open a little bit later than half eight tonight yeah yeah they'll
30:58be
30:58like put those green beans down like this where is where is the buffet gone yeah i want a bread
31:04roll
31:06i'm is about to finish you here now okay oh wow what did i have done in the salon
31:14it's the rudest thing i've ever been asked i love it thank you guys would you like to change something
31:18no
31:18no no it's really great you've made it and you kept some down for for my gels i appreciate you
31:24and we are all done i hope you're happy with the shape and your color i'm very happy it was
31:29so lovely
31:30thank you so much thank you bye so we're gonna have a disco nap need one on my hair how
31:36will i light it
31:38i'll have to sleep like this looks like i've been on the germany sours not a great angle
31:48we're aboard a cruise ship described by one reviewer as unacceptable at all levels well we're
31:55on level four and we're about to make our entrance at the casino
32:03we're definitely bringing it in the glamour department now it's time to show them how it's
32:07done around the poker table hello my experience with poker is i used to be very good at it and
32:13i
32:13had a name called the rhino because i could sit there all night in my own filth as my friend
32:18to
32:18sit and then charge the table hello you escaped the pirates then yeah i was worried about you but
32:26there doesn't seem to be anyone here apart from the man from the pirate show and his pal
32:30considering we went to the beauticians and i got this very up do yeah we needn't have made this effort
32:34had we it's a little bit insane i looked a little bit like you look like um when someone's mums
32:40entered them in a pageant yeah should i have seen your cards not the problem here i can't see
32:45cutting everybody which one coming here i don't know that you can in poker look at my card okay so
32:53how does it how do we play yeah you kind of have nothing for it just only queen nothing everybody
32:58is
32:58good you can change four cartoons somehow if you talk that fast and that confusingly even when she was
33:03explaining like other questions i still didn't understand her you just was king before he's big hurry
33:09card personal king you put in here we put in 100 yeah more okay russian poker i've never even heard
33:16of it which makes me think it's made up not accusing you she did change the rules several times if
33:22you
33:22were listening and we can we recorded this we can do rewind and playback you know two cards why you
33:27change
33:27card but i'd like to do three no you changed two cards in your family it was like oh you've
33:33got a king
33:34i know someone called tony so you can't win yeah oh i saw a six earlier so that nine is
33:38in the bin
33:39and i had chicken for dinner last night so unlucky i win the house wins new rules i've got to
33:44live with
33:44these i've got great cards good poker you want to take me on good luck
33:58it's not like it is on tv is no it's a lot of it's a lot of uh i don't
34:01think victoria corin mitchell's
34:03quaking in her boots already oh oh we upset the gods normal oh this can't be normal ah yeah like
34:14all luxury casinos this one comes with a complimentary terrifying shipquake
34:23the boat shaking as it did did you give it that whole titanic end of the world
34:27just play your last hand go all in maybe that's what it is to make you go oh
34:31this is my last ever game of poker yeah i could i reckon it's just people rattling around us
34:35trying to make us feel like yeah you can't take it with you yeah the boat is really kicking off
34:40it
34:40sounds absolutely mad if this is the last dance let the chips fall where they may battle of six
34:50why does he want what she wants super not bad i've bided my time i've taken in the rules
34:59i've said death in their face now for the rhino to charge
35:07it's good for you yes it's three people i pay for you like this did i win two sets
35:17so i won best of three yes i don't understand the game but i'm glad i'm good at it yeah
35:24i think i'm gonna quit while i'm ahead on this actually before i owe you um my house
35:30my car my cat naz i'll be down later with my checkbook
35:37that's how it's done fellas it seems keeping your poker face is very easy if you've got
35:41no clue what's going on it was very it's very of the gemini boat yeah
35:49oh you know not again i hate these announcements this ruins cruisin
36:04they do this all through the night when we're trying to sleep in our beds to be fair at least
36:09that was a
36:09shorter one sometimes they're like they're reading war and peace
36:21it's our final morning of cruising not like that and our last stop is the sassy little port town of
36:28kushadasi on the turkish coast it's probably the ultimate zero stars luxury shopping destination
36:35as it prides itself on being the milan of focature okay we're in a different country it's mental
36:42and this is all like cheap designer stuff apparently it's genuine fake watches sarah
36:47also happy wife happy life so i'll get you whatever you want keep a smile on your face yeah i
36:54feel giddy
36:56appropriately enough the reviews are a mixed bag one shopper said if you like haggling well good for you
37:04and if you feel you came out winning well you didn't all right debbie downer don't even know what
37:07that means are you allowed to say things are the thing no it's definitely not the thing they're
37:12genuine fakes i thought you're supposed to say charnel or something it's supposed to put like a
37:16different letter in it i don't think the onus is on us to mispronounce the brands i have got a
37:20sort of
37:21a giddy feeling of like oh this is a it's all cheap but it's chanel stuff and and it's i
37:27can see why
37:28it would be quite intoxicating it's got an air of um it's got an air of uh dodgy but legal
37:35dodgy
37:36are you a good haggler i won't do it when i went to morocco and they only haggle i insulted
37:42them
37:43because i just kept paying what they asked because i wanted to be free that's my only shopping experience
37:47a million pounds seems fair yeah here's my debit card i don't want any more peppermint tea let me go
37:54we don't know how cheap it is yet nothing's got a price on it oh hello sorry i'm roisin
38:01this is sarah just texting my friends online hello hello you've got a lovely shop before we start
38:08really shopping we probably we haven't asked the prices yeah how expensive is this shop it's depends
38:13on the the one we put our tough business faces on we're going to play it super cool with this
38:20guy
38:20if you want to see the better quality we have a top secret room you can have a look there
38:26and you
38:26can see the more choice over there okay hmm should we be going into locked rooms with strange men yeah
38:33they've got bags because everything looked so real i got like flooded with like oh my god i want to
38:39buy
38:39it oh i'm it's pretty woman i want to buy all the stuff i could afford it what do you
38:44think of these
38:45sarah oh yeah oh they've got a big prada on the side oh my god yes i want to do
38:50a haggle help me
38:51go ready how much for these you can make it 83 we don't want them four pounds i can make
38:57a better deal
38:58if you're going to buy the more things they make a package deal okay all right 16. it's not yet
39:05not
39:06yet just you can keep it for you let's see he knows he knows he knows i really like these
39:10glasses as well
39:12the more you spend the more you save they look great on you i don't know they do look great
39:18on
39:18you i don't really like the bits on them because i've got good is this is this business you're
39:23pretending yeah how much are they not really a fan take them or leave them with bargain or without
39:28bargain with bargain let's do that one is the 95. okay right and uh so the two together or two
39:38together
39:38i can make a good deal for both let's make a 100 for both all right 100 for both that
39:44is an
39:44incredible deal you've got to understand that we've been pent up on that ship for 48 hours with
39:48no outlets of course roshin went crazy the minute she was next to some genuine fake leather goods
39:58goosebumps i've got bargain goosebumps yeah
40:02that's a lovely bit of bag do we need to get out of here no i need to have another
40:08little look okay
40:16i'll try not to run
40:20see i think carried will like this one and then you've got a free bar of wood yeah how much
40:25for
40:25this one that one is uh 450 euro the genuine ladder one great i'll take it oh sarah i'm not
40:32gonna haggle it's for a friend she can't get out i don't want anything for myself this isn't my vibe
40:38genuine or replica but my friend carrie had has always sort of mentioned near her birthday she'd like
40:43a chanel handbag so i got her a fake one thank you so much for showing us around the shop
40:48i'm gonna
40:49hopefully buy this if the price is right all right and i'm gonna get these glasses all right yes now
40:56roshin sniffed every bag in here she's decided to just get these sunglasses let's make a 350 for this
41:02one 350 right this is uh with the discount it's gonna be the 50. it's 400 for both the best
41:09price i
41:10can do yeah i'm gonna play hardball this is it this is our final offer
41:24deal yes it's a deal thank you so much this is my favorite place i've ever been to and i've
41:29now
41:30got a new addiction let's go play some mini golf obviously viewers have seen what roshin bought
41:34on screen but if you get a present from roshin in the next two years maybe don't get it verified
41:45cheers sarah cheers cheers we survived and we're at lovely kushadasi for about 11 minutes yeah look at
41:54this this is lovely well that's the problem it's ratios too much time on the boat not enough time
41:59not on that boat what i liked about it was it's an affordable version of a luxury thing that people
42:05maybe didn't have access to the people on the boat seemed nice it wasn't a horrible rowdy like
42:11crowd or anything they seemed really nice they were quite young i was expecting a lot older and even if
42:15it was five it hears us it's coming oh my gosh let us live wow wow we're sorry gemini
42:31the gemini gave me the chance to live my dream of being a cruise ship entertainer and another quite
42:37different dream i had once about being in a disaster at sea maybe glamour's not all it's cracked up to
42:43be
42:43you'd be missing out on stuff like playing mini golf with a piece of mdf i give it three egg
42:49sword
42:49fishes out of five this seasick areas had a blast on the gemini i got to release the rhino at
42:56poker i
42:57got to see santorini sort of and i only puked up once so yeah i gave it four knock-off
43:05bags out of five
43:10sightseeing's over let's go that's us baby i'm time i guess the thing about holiday is it does make
43:15you appreciate home and that is how you leave a cruise
43:24so
43:48so
43:51you
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