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Hacks Season 5 Episode 3
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00:00And also, timeless, humble sex icon.
00:02Hmm. I always wonder what Machiavelli would have been like if he'd been warped by boomer misogyny.
00:07Ladies and gentlemen, Nico Hayes!
00:11The Palmetto's newest artist in residence!
00:18I know it's, like, obvious to say that an international rock star is hot, but, like, he's hot.
00:23Deborah? Hi, would you like to do the carpet?
00:26Oh, me?
00:27I mean, I'm kind of shy, but sure, I'll try it.
00:48So how are you feeling about Marnie's wedding?
00:51Oh, it's kind of like a colonoscopy.
00:53They happen every five years, they're a pain in the ass, but I'm passed out for most of it.
00:57Deborah!
00:58Lookin' aces!
01:00Hi!
01:01Oh, my gosh, we were just talking about your big day.
01:03Ah, yeah, well, Victoria wanted to keep it small, but I said, baby, this might be my last one.
01:08Let's blow it out!
01:10Might! Oh, nothing says love like a subjective bird.
01:14Congratulations on your show at Madison Square Garden.
01:17Oh, thank you.
01:18I miss New York, to be young again.
01:22I just can't picture you young.
01:25So sorry.
01:26I have to go say bonjour to the mini cheeseburgers.
01:29I'll see you guys.
01:29She calls the mini, because that way it seems normal when she's five.
01:35Oh, sorry.
01:37Yeah, you can have it.
01:38Oh.
01:38Yeah, totally.
01:40Really appreciate it.
01:41I live with a woman who doesn't believe in having snacks in the house, so needed this.
01:45You got it.
01:45I love the tie.
01:47Very cool.
01:49Um, I got it at the men's section at the Ross Dress for Less on the Strip.
01:52Oh, never been.
01:53Oh, you must go.
01:54Okay, I'll check it out.
01:57Um, you might want to overt your eyes.
01:58I'm going to eat this really fast.
02:00I kind of want to watch.
02:01Okay, freak.
02:04Oh, my God.
02:06You think they'll let me play blackjack in this thing?
02:08Oh, Debra.
02:10Yes.
02:10This dress?
02:11Marty, no scotch?
02:12No, I need to stay short for these young V.C. guys who just bought the Palmetto Group.
02:16They're obsessed with hitting their macros and biohacking.
02:20There's so many new terms for eating disorders these days.
02:23Literally.
02:24So what are they like?
02:25They're young.
02:26Great guys.
02:27They're, uh, what do they call it?
02:29Strategically editing.
02:30Meaning they're offloading properties, like the Paradiso downtown.
02:34What?
02:34No, that casino's legendary.
02:36My grandma lost her retirement there.
02:38I mean, it should be protected as a historical landmark.
02:40I agree, but it's above my pay grade now.
02:43Okay, they're coming this way.
02:45I gotta go.
02:46Marcus, what's a cool app I can bring up?
02:48Um, Chase Mobile Banking.
02:50Okay.
02:52Hi, Debra.
02:53Nico is a huge fan.
02:54He's wondering if you have a moment to meet anyone.
02:56Oh, certainly.
02:57Okay, right.
02:58Excuse me, fellas.
03:01I almost wore that.
03:02So first she dates Jim Carrey in the mask, green.
03:06And then Fiona's dating Shrek, green.
03:08I'm going, what is happening here?
03:09Are you saying that Cameron Diaz has a green guy fetish?
03:11I'm not saying she's a fetish.
03:13But I'm saying if it happens again, then something's afoot.
03:15Isn't she in the green hornet?
03:17Oh, my God.
03:18Oh, my God.
03:18This goes all the way to the top.
03:21Sorry, have a sec.
03:22Um, oh.
03:24No, I have to go.
03:25Oh.
03:26Sorry.
03:27It was nice meeting you.
03:28You too, yeah.
03:31See ya.
03:32Uh, okay, I'm sorry.
03:34Um, I think you're really cute.
03:36Do you want to get a drink sometime?
03:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:41Said it enough times, yes.
03:43Okay.
03:43Uh, but I, I, I feel like I need to be up front with you because it's been kind of
03:48an issue
03:48in the past with dating.
03:50Um, I'm a sex worker.
03:54That is awesome.
03:55Really?
03:55Yeah, really.
03:56That is totally rocking.
03:58For sure.
03:58Oh, my God.
03:59I've been saying sex workers work forever.
04:01I wasn't the first one to say it, but that's definitely in the first thousand.
04:03Okay, then.
04:05Cool.
04:06Cool, yeah.
04:07Um, do you want to?
04:08Yeah, yeah, I'll put my number in.
04:10Oh, and, um, I, I should be up front with you as well.
04:14I am a comedy writer, and that has been an issue for me when it comes to dating, just
04:19because we can be annoying.
04:21Damn.
04:22So, you're almost perfect.
04:24I'm excited to meet you right this way.
04:27Nico, this is Deborah.
04:29Deborah, Nico.
04:30Hi.
04:31It is so nice to meet you.
04:32I've been a huge fan since you did that.
04:33Oh, please.
04:34If you're going to name an event that happened after 1990, don't finish that sentence.
04:37Fair enough.
04:38But it's nice to meet someone who I admire so much in person.
04:42Well, it's nice to meet a fellow Lancome ambassador.
04:45And congratulations on your residency.
04:48You know, I wouldn't be doing any of this if it wasn't for you.
04:51Oh, come on.
04:52Seriously.
04:52Before you did a residency, Vegas was just magicians and acrobats.
04:56You made it cool.
04:57For artists.
05:00Yeah, I know my...
05:01Oh, don't say history.
05:03Icons.
05:08Welcome to Vegas.
05:10Yes.
05:10Can we get a picture?
05:12Yeah.
05:22Change disassociating to reclining elegantly and change sweatpants to cashmere slack.
05:29Okay.
05:29So in Singapore, you were so depressed, you were reclining elegantly in cashmere slacks?
05:34Yeah.
05:34That's how I remember.
05:35Me too.
05:37Oh, great.
05:37It's Jimmy.
05:38Hello, hello.
05:39Hello.
05:39So I got a very interesting request.
05:42Nico Hayes' publicist called and said that Nico would love to take you out to dinner.
05:47Oh.
05:47Yeah, there are photos of you guys from last night that are breaking the internet.
05:50I mean, not literally.
05:51Though, my Wi-Fi is slow today.
05:54Anyway, there's already a hashtag.
05:55People are calling you guys Nicarra.
05:57Hmm.
05:57How interesting.
05:58I do want to flag that I'm not pressuring you in any way into any sort of sexual situation.
06:04It's very important to me that you have your own private, intimate, sensual life and that
06:08I have no influence over that.
06:09And as a matter of safety, I am recording this conversation.
06:12Jimmy, he's not asking me out on a real date.
06:14He's just trying to get attention for his new residency.
06:17It's a PR stunt date.
06:18I'm very shrewd of him.
06:19And since I'm still bound in gag, I need all the free publicity I can get.
06:23So yeah, tell her I'm in.
06:24Okay, great.
06:25You two can talk shop performer to performer.
06:27You know what I always say, stars, they're just like each other.
06:31Oh, while I have you, do you want to be a guest on a Xena Rewatch podcast?
06:34Hello?
06:35I have a fake date.
06:37I know.
06:37You take every call on speakerphone directly next to your head.
06:45These beings removed, this ceiling just opens up.
06:48Smells like dust.
06:49You know, I hate it when you say we're going to the gym and then you just bring me on
06:53a
06:53tour of some old-ass building.
06:54I've only done that three times.
06:55Besides, this is different.
06:56They're going to tear down one of the only historic casinos left in Vegas.
06:59I mean, with a little work, this could be such a cool space for people who want to stay
07:03somewhere different.
07:03Like what the Ace did in Palm Springs.
07:05I love the slippers there.
07:07Like a blowjob for the feet.
07:09Okay, so you want me to go around knocking on walls?
07:11Yeah, but in a real mask way.
07:13Trust me, it prevents price gouging.
07:15Here she comes.
07:15Hi, I'm so sorry, Emily.
07:18I thought I found a lump in my breast.
07:19It turned out it was a dried wasabi pee in my bra.
07:22Hi, Meredith.
07:22Marcus, and that's good news.
07:25Wow.
07:27Well, you like what you see?
07:29I really do.
07:30I think this is such a special property, and I would hate to see it turn into a parking lot.
07:33I agree completely.
07:35We are on the same page.
07:38What are you, 6'2"?
07:406'4".
07:40Oh, my God.
07:42My ex, 5'5".
07:44It was like walking around with a minion.
07:46So I was going through the archives, admiring the marble floors before the reno.
07:49Yeah.
07:50Do you know if they're still underneath the carpet?
07:51You know what?
07:52Here's my motto.
07:52If they don't disclose, I don't stick my nose.
07:55Okay, so I have no idea.
07:56But for you, I might stick my nose somewhere.
08:00Okay.
08:00All right, here's the deal.
08:01I find you very attractive, and I'd like you to take me out on Friday.
08:06Okay?
08:07Oh, that clunkety-clunk?
08:10Oh.
08:10That's a red flag, brother.
08:12Um, I think we're going to need, like, another 10% off, probably.
08:15Who's this?
08:15This is my friend, Wilson.
08:17He has come to check out the property with me.
08:19So?
08:21Is this your boyfriend?
08:22No.
08:23I mean, we used to date, but now we're better off as friends.
08:26Oh, my God.
08:27I'm so embarrassed.
08:28Oh, don't be.
08:29I'm sorry.
08:29Encroached on your territory.
08:30My bad.
08:31Will you forgive me?
08:32Yeah, you're good.
08:32Okay, how about this?
08:33Only thing better than a date this weekend is two gay guys to hang out with.
08:37Guacamole, chips, Friday?
08:40Um...
08:40Do you want this fucking place or not?
08:41Yes.
08:42Let's go, girls.
08:43This way.
08:44Let me show you upstairs.
08:45Oh, wait.
08:47This way.
08:51Debra?
08:52I'm in my closet!
09:01Hey, what's up?
09:03Do you have a pair of tweezers, I could borrow?
09:05I've been waiting for this day.
09:08Okay, are we going between the brows or we start from the ground up with the big toe?
09:11I have a splinter.
09:12I'll see you later.
09:15God, there is something so exciting about getting ready for a date with a man.
09:19Maybe it's the tiny threat of being killed at the end of the night.
09:23Well, mine's not really a date.
09:25It's publicity, so it's more of a work function.
09:28Why are you so sure it's not a real date?
09:30Maybe he's legitimately into you.
09:31Even if he was, I'm not into him.
09:33He's not my type.
09:34He's just too young and pretty.
09:35I'm the pretty one.
09:37Yeah.
09:38Anyway, what are you going to wear on your date?
09:39Oh.
09:43This.
09:46Go ahead.
09:46That looks like something that my grandson would wear so that he could poop out the back.
09:50God, I wish.
09:51He's so convenient.
09:53All right.
09:53I'll text you after the date.
09:55Cool.
09:57Thanks.
09:57Bye, girl.
10:01Hi, doll.
10:01How's my favorite paparazzo?
10:03Sensational.
10:04We still on for tonight?
10:05Oh, yeah.
10:05Daily meal's already chomping at the bit for these pigs.
10:08Great.
10:09I'd say I'd get my good side, but I paid to have them both be good.
10:21Hi.
10:21Hello.
10:23You look beautiful.
10:25Ditto.
10:26I think we have the same stylist.
10:28Well, it looks better on you.
10:30Good evening.
10:32Hi.
10:33Cell phones?
10:33I love it here.
10:34I put a sticker on your camera so nobody can take any photos.
10:37It's discreet.
10:37It's private.
10:38We can relax.
10:39That's great.
10:41I've been looking forward to this all day.
10:43Me too.
10:45Okay.
10:46Follow me.
10:47After you.
10:56Oh, um, sorry.
10:57I just want to clarify something.
10:59Just FYI, I don't expect us to hook up tonight just because you're a sex worker.
11:02Just like you wouldn't expect me to, like, write a monologue joke for you.
11:05Just saying.
11:06I don't expect you to blow my back out.
11:09Yeah.
11:10But it's not work if you love what you do.
11:12All right.
11:13Okay.
11:14I love that.
11:15But, um, in general, though, that phrase is kind of like a capitalist propaganda message
11:19to get people to, like, self-identify with their labor output to amass more productive hours.
11:25Wow.
11:26Did you go to grad school?
11:30That's the hottest thing anyone's ever said to me.
11:36You knew little Richard.
11:38You knew him?
11:39He offered me $5,000 to let him watch me pee.
11:42No.
11:43Oh, I would have done it.
11:44But he was just so over-eager.
11:46Just kind of took the fun out of him.
11:47Oh, my God.
11:47That's insane.
11:50So, are you going to have your parents come see your show?
11:54Um, no, I'm not really close to my family.
11:57Um, I emancipated from my parents when I was 15.
12:01Really?
12:02Yeah.
12:03Um, my dad sold my homecoming photos to E! News, and that was kind of the final straw.
12:11The press are fucking vultures.
12:13When I saw those stories about you having a breakdown, I knew it was bullshit.
12:21So, you just moved to Vegas all on your own, just to do shows every night?
12:27Yeah, didn't you?
12:30Yeah.
12:33I don't mind doing things on my own.
12:36And cutting ties with my parents was actually great for me.
12:39I took control of my career.
12:41It ended up being the best decision I ever made.
12:45Good for you.
12:47When I know what I want,
12:50I don't hesitate.
12:58Maybe I should have hesitated that time.
13:00No.
13:00I just...
13:03I was just going to say I'm exactly the same.
13:17Papa's got a brand new bag.
13:22She didn't know any better.
13:24Debra, Debra, right here.
13:25Nico, right here.
13:26Hey, back up.
13:27Come on, give us room.
13:29Right here, right here, right here.
13:30Give her space.
13:31I'm not saying it again.
13:32Give her space.
13:32It's such a violation.
13:33There's much room.
13:34What's wrong with you people?
13:35Just leave us alone.
13:37There you go.
13:38Protect her.
13:38That's a good move.
13:39Seriously.
13:39You're bottom heaters.
13:40You're just...
13:41Why don't you get a real job?
13:43You're scum.
13:44Yes, you are.
13:45Yes, you are.
13:47We love you.
13:48Unbelievable.
13:51That's money.
13:54So, I am going to see him again.
13:56But not until the weekend.
13:57Because tomorrow night, he's having sex with a married woman while her husband watches from
14:01a recliner.
14:02Oh.
14:02Really exciting.
14:03And then Friday, he's having sex with someone in a wheelchair.
14:06Oh.
14:07Which is so cool.
14:08Sex work is so important.
14:10Of course.
14:11Oh, good.
14:12You can talk to Debra now.
14:16Okay.
14:17Hey.
14:21You okay?
14:24Oh, Ava.
14:26You were right.
14:28It was real.
14:30Oh, my God.
14:31We actually have so much in common.
14:34I mean, he's sexy and he's smart and he's just funny.
14:39He's just a great sense of style.
14:42Oh, Ava.
14:43We made out.
14:45Oh, my God.
14:48We didn't bury the lead.
14:50You kissed a girly guy and you liked it.
14:52Are you going to see him again?
14:54I hope so.
14:55Oh.
14:55I have a good idea.
14:56What?
14:58Invite him to Marty's wedding.
14:59Oh, I couldn't.
15:00Yes.
15:00Could I?
15:01Of course you could.
15:02You have a plus one, don't you?
15:04Do you think you'd want to?
15:06Yes.
15:06Yes.
15:07Text him now.
15:08Okay.
15:12Oh, he already texted me.
15:13What did he say?
15:14I had a wonderful night.
15:15Next time we should get pumpkin soup.
15:18What?
15:19What?
15:20No.
15:21Pumpkin soup.
15:22It was just this whole bit and we were laughing.
15:25How hard were you laughing?
15:27Oh, stop.
15:28All right.
15:29Tell me what I should say.
15:30Okay.
15:30Okay.
15:30Um, I had a wonderful night.
15:31Okay.
15:32Me too.
15:32And then be like, hey, going to this random ass wedding next weekend.
15:38Want to be my plus one.
15:39Want to be my plus one.
15:40Yeah.
15:40Great.
15:41Yeah.
15:41Oh, my God.
15:42Okay.
15:43Which emojis?
15:43No, no emojis.
15:45No.
15:46Okay.
15:46Sound.
15:51This man's on his phone.
15:52Oh, my God.
15:57Literally funny.
15:58That is hilarious.
15:59Did I wear white?
16:01Really, really funny.
16:02I told you it was funny.
16:03Oh, my God.
16:03Oh, my God.
16:04He's in.
16:04He's in.
16:05Oh, my God.
16:06Okay.
16:06I've got to call Marty.
16:07Oh, my God.
16:08Wait.
16:08Right now?
16:09It's ringing.
16:10Okay.
16:15Oh, my God.
16:18Oh, Deb.
16:19You all right?
16:20All right, Marty.
16:20I need to change my RSVP to your wedding.
16:22I am bringing a guest after all.
16:23He's this really hot, young guy.
16:24And he's really funny, too.
16:26Oh, you know him.
16:26Nico Hayes.
16:27Okay.
16:28That's fine.
16:29I'll tell the wedding planner.
16:31Good night now.
16:32Oh, Marty.
16:32Can I bring a sex worker?
16:34Yeah, sure.
16:35Go ahead.
16:36Okay.
16:39Oh, my God.
16:51Hey.
16:54So, now you're a fan.
16:55Huge.
16:55Hey, listen.
16:57What do you think these lyrics are about?
17:00Um.
17:00Oh, never mind.
17:01I'll have Damien Google it.
17:02Want some coffee?
17:03Tea?
17:03No, no.
17:04This will be quick.
17:04I just want to get your advice on something.
17:06Sure.
17:07So, after Marty told us about the Paradiso, I went down and took a look.
17:11I'm thinking about buying it.
17:14I'm going to renovate it, make it a cool boutique hotel casino, since there's really nothing like it left in
17:18the city.
17:18Wow.
17:19That's interesting.
17:21I always loved that space.
17:22Oh, I know.
17:22The location is perfect.
17:23Historical building.
17:24Yeah, but, oh.
17:26I mean, that's a huge undertaking.
17:29You have to deal with the gaming commission, the unions, the permits.
17:34Plus, tourism is down.
17:36And there's a reason there's no independent casinos anymore.
17:40I don't know.
17:41That's an awful big risk.
17:44So you wouldn't?
17:45If I were you, no.
17:47Keep your money in an index and wait for a lower lift.
17:50Oh, you're right.
17:51You're right.
17:52Thanks for the reality check.
17:53Oh.
17:54I mean, I could get a discount if I sleep at the realtor.
17:57Oh.
17:58Is he cute?
17:58He's a woman.
17:59Oh.
18:00Yeah.
18:00Sorry.
18:02You know what else I found out about Nico?
18:04Yeah.
18:04He's a huge anti-bullying advocate.
18:06Isn't that cool?
18:07That could be an issue for you.
18:10Oh, shut up.
18:16I still can't believe you bought this whole place out.
18:19Well, I want this to be free, to, you know, do whatever.
18:34So, how was your first week of shows?
18:37Oh, it was okay.
18:38Just okay?
18:40When I tour, I'd change up the set list.
18:42And here, I'm doing the same exact show every night.
18:45And I'm just getting used to it.
18:47Oh, yeah.
18:48I get it.
18:49But just remember, people come from all over the world to see residencies here.
18:54And even though you're in the same place, doing the same thing, you know,
18:58I like to think of it as performing for the whole world all at once.
19:01Hmm.
19:02It's a good way of looking at it.
19:06I think there's a lot I could learn from you.
19:08Oh, yeah?
19:10Yeah.
19:11How about we skip dessert and get out of here?
19:14Check, please?
19:28Goddamn.
19:30I see why you do that for a living.
19:34You aren't so bad yourself.
19:39Um, listen, I don't want to, um, jump the G word.
19:45Gun.
19:46But, um, the owner of the Palmetto is getting married next Saturday,
19:50and I have a plus one if you want to come with me.
19:53I don't know.
19:55Yeah.
19:57Yeah, I'd love that.
19:59Okay, cool.
20:00I don't think I have a gig that day.
20:02Oh, my God, no pressure.
20:04I know that, like, dating a sex worker means that, like, you might not be available on nights or weekends.
20:10No, this wouldn't be for that.
20:11Um, I thought I might have a magic show that day, um, but no, looks like I'm free.
20:19What?
20:20What?
20:21What?
20:21Oh, well, sex work pays the bills, but my dream job is magician.
20:32Wow.
20:33Yeah, why did you think I moved to Vegas?
20:35To be a prostitute.
20:37What?
20:37No.
20:38No.
20:39No?
20:40No.
20:40Okay.
20:42Here, let me show you a trick.
20:48Okay.
20:49All right.
20:50Now, I know what you're thinking.
20:52This is just a regular box of unlit matches, right?
20:55I wish.
20:56But guess again.
21:01I think it's the lube all over my hands.
21:04Look, you weren't supposed to see the coins, but it's a work in progress.
21:11I'll practice.
21:13Bob.
21:14What?
21:15You're me, probably, because there was a coin in your ear.
21:17Oh!
21:18Isn't that...
21:19Ow!
21:22That's a good one, too.
21:23You want that one?
21:26They're coming out!
21:28Oh, no.
21:29Debra, Nico, how was the date?
21:30How are you two official?
21:31Yo, out of the way.
21:33Oh, come on, Dave.
21:34You called me before, but nothing for us tonight?
21:38Listen to him.
21:46Larry, can you give us a second?
21:52Was it you who called the paparazzi on our first date?
21:57Yes.
21:58And was it you who put the napkin I used on eBay?
22:01No!
22:02I feel totally violated.
22:06Listen, listen.
22:07I did call them on our first date, but not the other times.
22:11Why would you call them at all?
22:13Because when you asked me out, I thought you were doing it for publicity, which I totally get.
22:17But once I knew that you genuinely liked me, I realized that I felt the same.
22:22I can't do this.
22:25Nico, don't let one little mistake ruin us.
22:28What us?
22:30Us, us.
22:32Nigra!
22:34I'd like to go home now.
22:37Maybe you can get a ride home with your paparazzi friend.
22:39Come on, Nico.
22:41Come on.
22:47Oh, trouble with paradise.
22:50Hey!
22:57Yeah, the wedding is cocktail entire four o'clock.
23:00Yeah, I think I'm busy that night.
23:02Oh, oh, no.
23:05Oh, no.
23:06Oh, no.
23:07Tonight it's just another
23:09Walk of shame.
23:10Another alibi.
23:11Hope you got some comfy shoes on there.
23:13I'm not gonna let you retouch these.
23:15To keep the tears from coming.
23:18Coming to my eye.
23:21Oh, oh, not another alibi.
23:26Hey.
23:27What's going on?
23:28I've been waiting for you downstairs.
23:29You want to work up here?
23:30Sure, whatever.
23:32So, I think we should start with the opener
23:33because it's not really feeling there yet, right?
23:35What do you think?
23:39Debra?
23:40Who are you texting?
23:41Nobody.
23:43Let me see your phone.
23:44No.
23:45That's an invasion of my privacy.
23:47Debra?
23:48Let me see it.
23:49Don't.
23:50Let me see it.
23:50What are you doing?
23:51Let me see it.
23:52Stop it.
23:53I'm surprised.
23:54What is wrong with you?
23:55Let me...
23:56Oh, God damn it.
23:57Get to me.
23:58Oh, God, you're strong.
23:59Jesus.
24:00Ah!
24:01Shit.
24:02Oh, my God.
24:03Debra, no.
24:04There's so much blue.
24:05You're writing him a novel.
24:06Well, Nico hadn't gotten back to me for a while,
24:09so I was just bumping.
24:10No, these texts say not delivered.
24:13Oh.
24:14Oh, well, thank God.
24:16I mean, that...
24:16That means he hasn't even gotten them.
24:18That's a relief.
24:19No, Debra.
24:21It means...
24:23He blocked you.
24:26He blocked you.
24:27Yeah.
24:29He blocked me.
24:31Blocked you.
24:33I'll block him right back.
24:34Okay.
24:34I'll block him straight to hell.
24:36Hey, I'm gonna go downstairs.
24:37I'm gonna get you a Diet Coke.
24:39I'm gonna bring out my copy of Anxiously Attached,
24:41How to Be More Secure in Life and Love,
24:42and then we're gonna get back to work.
24:43Okay?
24:45Hey!
24:45He blocked you.
24:46He's not getting those texts.
24:48So say you.
24:49Oh, my God.
24:53How do you block back?
24:58Ah!
24:59Chill.
25:13Debra.
25:14This is my date, Eli.
25:15Eli, this is my boss, writing partner,
25:18and housemate, Debra.
25:19It's nice to meet you.
25:20I hope you two can hold on to what you have.
25:24I'm gonna get another drink.
25:28Sorry.
25:28She's usually much meaner than that.
25:30Well, well, well.
25:31Doth my eyes deceive me,
25:33or is my standing Sunday afternoon appointment
25:36at the Vegas wedding of the year?
25:38Hi, Joanna.
25:40Hey.
25:41You asked my date.
25:42Yeah, listen, I know from experience
25:43he's only got about three or four in the tank daily,
25:46so, you know, don't wear him all the way out, sister.
25:48Hello, Mayor Pedimenti.
25:50Hello, my lovely constituents.
25:52Marilyn and Herman, this is...
25:54Ava, I work with Debra Vance.
25:56I think we met at the town hall
25:58where Debra argued against the city recognizing Labor Day.
26:00Of course.
26:01Nice.
26:02And this is Eli.
26:03Pleasure to meet you.
26:03And what do you do?
26:04I'm a magician.
26:06A magician illusionist.
26:08Well, he's a sex worker.
26:09Mainly.
26:10Oh.
26:11Oh, he's not a worker.
26:12He's an artist.
26:13And I further termed gigolo.
26:15More European.
26:17All right?
26:24All right.
26:25All right.
26:38All right.
26:42FBI.
26:43FBI.
26:45Good relations.
26:46FBI.
26:48Eleanor Guillaume.
26:49You're under arrest.
26:50Victoria.
26:50What the hell?
26:51Who's Eleanor?
26:52What's going on?
26:53Miss Guillaume is one of her fraud,
26:54domestically and in France.
26:56Sorry about the timing, sir,
26:57but we had to ever get her before she fled the country.
26:59You mean her honeymoon?
27:01Martin, the name was fake,
27:03but the love was real.
27:06I demand to be tried in France.
27:08We'd appreciate it if everyone would please stay at the venue.
27:11We're going to need to get some statements.
27:12Let's go.
27:13No, but let me talk.
27:14Let's go.
27:15Let's go.
27:16Let's go.
27:17Wow.
27:18I'll be back.
27:23Yeah.
27:24And I thought the dress was criminal.
27:28Still.
27:31Let's go.
27:37Are you kidding me?
27:39No, you don't.
27:39Come on.
27:40Please.
27:41I know you're faking it.
27:42You're good at that.
27:43Hey.
27:43I was just grilling him.
27:45Seems to really like you, Raggy Ann.
27:47I offered him $2,000 for the night and wouldn't take it.
27:50Oh, you should do it.
27:51Yeah, you should do it.
27:52I don't want to hold you back.
27:53No.
27:54I want to spend the night with you.
27:55Make sure the going trick later.
27:57It's getting really tight.
27:58No.
27:58No, no, no.
27:59You should get that money.
28:01Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
28:03Listen to my Eskimo sister here.
28:04Why are you pressuring me to do sex work?
28:08Do you have an issue with my magic?
28:10Oh.
28:10I got no issue.
28:12We could do it Voldemort style.
28:14Ava?
28:14Do I have an issue with your magic?
28:16It's an interesting question.
28:17I just, I guess I just feel like you're so, so good at sex.
28:21And sex work is so important.
28:23And I guess I just feel like magic is less important.
28:29Wait.
28:29You said that you were okay with whatever I did for work.
28:32I didn't think that one of those things could be magic.
28:35I mean, come on.
28:36Don't you feel a little cringe when you're doing the tricks?
28:38Like, honestly.
28:39No, I feel a little more cringe when a stranger sticks a personalized dildo of their ex-boyfriend's
28:44dick in my mouth.
28:45They're like a glove, as I recall.
28:48Hey, I'm not here to sex, Shane.
28:49No.
28:50You're just here to magic, Shane.
28:52This is so fucked up.
28:54Looking down on me for being a magician is just as bad as looking down on me for being
28:57a sex worker.
28:58No, it's not.
28:59Magicians aren't marginalized.
29:01The name one magician who's ever served on the Supreme Court.
29:04Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
29:04Whoa, whoa, whoa.
29:05I'm sorry.
29:06Okay, okay, listen.
29:06It's getting a little heated here.
29:08Let's relax.
29:09Let's go to my room.
29:09Have a little nightcap.
29:10You can come too, Apartment Patty.
29:13That's the gay one, right?
29:14No.
29:16We're done.
29:18And I'm done doing sex work.
29:20Hey.
29:20No.
29:21That.
29:21No.
29:21Don't be rash.
29:22I'm going to make it as a magician.
29:25And I'm going to prove you wrong.
29:30Supposed to be smoke.
29:32No.
29:33No.
29:33Oh, my God.
29:34Hey.
29:35Hey.
29:35God.
29:38What did you do?
29:39Listen to me.
29:40It's Saturday at dusk.
29:42You got 18 hours to find me a new Sunday boy.
29:45So tick-tock, Missy.
29:46Oh, my God.
29:48Fuck, man.
29:49I'm not getting you a Sunday boy.
29:50You don't want to talk to me anymore.
29:57Come in.
30:02Hey.
30:03You okay?
30:06How could I be so stupid?
30:08Well, she was old.
30:10It was the perfect smoke screen.
30:12Yeah, they're calling what she did to be elder fraud.
30:15It's peer-to-peer fraud.
30:20I really thought she was the one.
30:22Well, her real crime is not realizing how wonderful you are.
30:38Deb, I know this is crazy.
30:41But what do you say we get married?
30:43The priest is still here.
30:45The caterers are ready to go.
30:46Me and you.
30:47Come on.
30:48Let's finally do it.
30:50Marty.
30:52Debra and Marie Vance, will you marry me?
30:58No.
31:01Oh, God.
31:03All right.
31:04Marty.
31:07You know how I feel about you.
31:10But you've got to stop asking people to marry you.
31:12It's a compulsion.
31:13Yeah, I guess you're right.
31:16Man, I just feel like such a loser.
31:20If it makes you feel any better, I was just dumped and blocked by an international rock star.
31:25Okay.
31:26Sounds like you've still got the date of rock star.
31:28Yeah, but I got my heart broken.
31:30I've been very sad about it.
31:32But I mean, I should actually be thrilled.
31:35I mean, what a gift to still be taking risks.
31:39Come on.
31:40We've both got our hearts broken.
31:41And aren't you glad that you're still putting yourself out there like that?
31:45I mean, a lot of people our age are just too busy collecting commemorative coins.
31:51You love falling in love.
31:54And you will again.
31:56I know it.
31:58I mean, you own multiple properties.
31:59You still have your own hair.
32:00You're chum in the water.
32:04Well, are you sure you don't want to be Mrs. Marty Vance?
32:11I'll tell you what.
32:13If we're both single, we're 100, I'll marry you.
32:18Well, that's something to look forward to.
32:29They just don't realize.
32:30Marcus.
32:31Marcus.
32:33I was wrong.
32:34You should do the parades, you said.
32:36It is exactly what Vegas needs.
32:38I appreciate that.
32:39I really do.
32:40But you were right.
32:41My business manager looked at the numbers, and it is too big of a risk.
32:44If you don't take risks, you're as good as dead.
32:47What if we did it together?
32:49Now, I'm not trying to insert myself here.
32:51I could be as involved as you want.
32:54But I miss working with you.
32:56I miss conniving with you.
32:59We will be partners this time.
33:00Totally equal.
33:01Or I could just be a silent investor.
33:04Whatever you want.
33:06What do you say?
33:07Want to?
33:12I do.
33:14I do.
33:17What a great day.
33:25Wow.
33:26Isn't it beautiful?
33:27If you would have told me five years ago that I would be part owner of a casino, I would
33:31not have believed you.
33:31You own no part of this.
33:33You are literally just here.
33:34Yeah, but even that is crazy.
33:38Oh, wait.
33:39What?
33:40Kiki just sent me this video.
33:42She thinks it's about you.
33:46But you're a funny girl.
33:50Yeah, something's funny.
33:52Funny how you lie so easily.
33:56Ah!
33:57So I guess the joke's on me.
34:01Whoa, funny girl.
34:04Wow, his fan army's really coming after you in the comments.
34:06What?
34:07Let me see.
34:08They're calling me chopped.
34:10What does that mean?
34:11I mean, am I in danger?
34:13No, no.
34:13They're just insulting your looks.
34:15What?
34:16That's even worse.
34:18I don't know, is it?
34:19I mean, people are going to want to hear your side of the story at the MSG show.
34:22It could be good for ticket sales.
34:24That's true.
34:25If you can make art about me, I can make art about him.
34:27It's a two-way street.
34:29I need to clap back.
34:31Call Diane Warren!
34:35I'm not going to lay down and die So fuck you and fuck your goodbye
34:43I'm the one who'll be fine And you're the one who'll be crying
34:49So take one last look Cause it's all you're gonna get
34:53You're gonna miss all this You'll regret the day you left the scene
34:59You won't find a way that's cool as me What I mean is I feel sorry for you
35:07As someone that I would hate to be I'd hate to be the one losing me
35:20Learned to be the one losing me
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