- 2 hours ago
Hacks Season 5 Episode 7
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Hi.
00:02Make me laugh, bitch!
00:05You honky-ass honk!
00:07We want our money back!
00:09We want our money back!
00:10We want our money back!
00:10Woohoo!
00:22No!
00:34I'm a DSA member!
00:35Jesus, that's blue! No, there's nobody here!
00:38What's going on? You okay?
00:39Yeah, I think so.
00:44Why do you have a bat?
00:45I thought the proletariat was rising up and giving you
00:48what you deserved, and I was going to decide what side
00:50I was on when I got here. No, it was a dream.
00:52It was a nightmare.
00:53I was on stage. Wait, I thought we weren't allowed
00:55to talk about our dreams. No, there's a rule that you're
00:57not allowed to talk about your dreams.
00:59So there I was. I was at Madison Square Garden.
01:02I was on the stage. I looked down.
01:04I am completely naked.
01:06I look out in the audience
01:07and everyone, everyone is my sister.
01:10And she kind of laughs and then my teeth
01:13started falling out. Okay.
01:15That's clearly an anxiety dream.
01:17You're just stressed about the garden.
01:18It's okay. We just need to keep working on the material.
01:20I know. Your outfit? No, I said material.
01:23I know. I need to start picking up fabrics.
01:25I gotta talk to my stylist. I mean,
01:27that's why I was naked. You know.
01:29Although, I looked incredible.
01:31Okay. Yeah. Whew.
01:33Alright. I'm gonna call my stylist
01:35and put together some looks.
01:37Alright. Good night.
01:39Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay.
01:41Do you have any Klonopin up here?
01:42My heart is racing like a jackrabbit.
01:48Incredible.
01:50Okay.
01:55Every day
01:57It's getting closer
01:59Going faster
02:01Than a roller coaster
02:02Love like yours
02:04Will surely come my hair
02:06Oh! Oh!
02:08Fuck!
02:10Who the fuck, John?
02:12You gotta drive!
02:17What the fuck?
02:19Ow! Fuck!
02:21My boba!
02:24Oh!
02:26Shit!
02:28Ow! Ow! Ow!
02:33Hello?
02:34Hey, can you come pick me up?
02:35I'm at the urgent care in Diamond Point.
02:37You okay?
02:38Yeah, I'm fine.
02:39It's just a hairline fracture.
02:40I got hit by one of those self-driving cars.
02:44You know, we never got to vote on that.
02:45They just started showing up.
02:46I would have voted no.
02:49Anyway, they, um...
02:50They asked if I could, uh,
02:52Have someone pick me up in case I take the Vicodin they gave me,
02:54Which I definitely already did.
02:55So...
02:56Oh! Honey, I can't.
02:57I-I'm...
02:59I'm-I'm in Miraval in Arizona.
03:01In fact, I'm in a towel.
03:02I'm about to step into the sauna.
03:04What?
03:04Yeah, we're trying to poach their spa director for the new casino.
03:07So, you know, Damien and I made a quick trip.
03:09Oh.
03:10Okay.
03:11All right.
03:12Never mind.
03:13Hey, I could send DJ.
03:14But just a warning.
03:15She might take a while.
03:16You know, she's only comfortable making right turns.
03:18It's okay.
03:18It's okay.
03:19I'm-I'm getting another call.
03:19I'll figure it out.
03:20Okay, bye.
03:22Meryl, Marco.
03:23What is up?
03:24Are you in LA?
03:26No.
03:26Uh, why?
03:27I just saw Debra run a red light in Beverly Hills about two minutes ago, and I was hoping
03:31maybe you were here.
03:32Well, uh, De-Debra's not in Beverly Hills.
03:34I literally just talked to her.
03:35She's in Arizona.
03:36So...
03:37That was definitely her.
03:38Blonde beehive hairdo.
03:40Rolls Royce with a diva plate.
03:42Listen, uh, remember the last time I saw you, I loaned you my umbrella?
03:45Would you send it to me?
03:46But only DHL.
03:47I don't know what is going on with the post office at this point, and don't get me started
03:51on FedEx.
03:52Copy that.
03:53No problem.
03:53I'll send it your way.
03:54Well, it's nice to hear from you.
03:56You good?
03:56Not really.
03:57Bye.
04:00Okay.
04:07Good morning.
04:08Oh, hi.
04:10Oh, how's your arm?
04:12Oh, it's fine.
04:13Uh, how was Miraval?
04:15Oh.
04:16Orgasmic.
04:17Really?
04:18Debra?
04:18Diana is here.
04:19Oh, good.
04:20Good.
04:21Send her in.
04:21You're psychic?
04:22No, no.
04:22I had to bring in the big guns to help me decide what to wear at MSG.
04:25My stylists were a flopperino.
04:27Deb!
04:29Die!
04:30Oh, look at you.
04:31You look like a million bucks.
04:33Hey, Red.
04:33Thank you so much for coming.
04:35We're gonna get you a nice outfit.
04:37Okay?
04:38Aha!
04:38The Six of Cups.
04:40We are going into the past, Deb.
04:42Vintage!
04:43Oh, I've been thinking new.
04:45It should be old.
04:46Oh.
04:47I'm getting a vision.
04:49Here she goes.
04:50You're wearing white, Deb.
04:52And you look like an angel.
04:54White dress.
04:55Okay.
04:56New slacks.
04:58And sparkles up the wazoo.
05:01Oh, my God.
05:03Does it have a white chiffon beaded top?
05:10Yes.
05:10Oh, my God.
05:11That, that is Carol Burnett's look from her final show.
05:15This is perfect.
05:16I mean, not only is it a piece of comedy history, I'll be referencing one of my heroes.
05:19Is it this?
05:21That, that's it.
05:22Eccolo.
05:22That is the exact thing I saw.
05:24Yes, yes.
05:25Got it.
05:25Good.
05:26So you want me to track it down?
05:27No.
05:27No need.
05:28All of Carol's looks were designed by Bob Mackie.
05:32Shake.
05:34Call Bob M.
05:37Hello?
05:37Bobby, it's Deb.
05:39Sorry for the cold call.
05:40I mean, you know how I'm doing the garden later this year?
05:42Oh!
05:42Yeah, I need a jumpsuit.
05:44Deb, if I do something for you, I gotta do something for Cher.
05:47Then the next thing you know, Sabrina Carpenter is outside my door with a sewing machine and
05:52a gun.
05:52I don't need a new design.
05:53Do you remember Carol's white look from her final episode?
05:57Of course.
05:57I, I had it for years, but I donated it to a charity auction.
06:02Do you remember who won it?
06:02It was actually one of your fellow stand-up comics, but I shouldn't say who.
06:07Rosie O'Donnell?
06:07No.
06:08Rita Rudner?
06:09No.
06:09Kelly Kilpatrick?
06:10Mmm.
06:11I couldn't say.
06:13Oh yeah, I heard.
06:15Kelly fucking Kilpatrick.
06:17That stupid bitch hates me.
06:19I never know why.
06:21Um, you were pretty mean to her after she came out of the VMAs.
06:24I believe the exact quote was,
06:27she should go back into the closet and pick something else.
06:31Okay, fine.
06:32Just, you know, it's probably where the weird energy started.
06:35I'll just have to win her over.
06:38Damien, book my apology booth at Spago's!
06:41Oh, by the way, I had a client who paid me in salami.
06:45Do you guys want some?
06:46I think it's pretty good.
06:48Smells good.
06:55Hey, should we have mimosas and be bad?
06:59What do you want, Deb?
07:01I just wanted to, to, to clear the air.
07:03From when you called my daytime show Oprah for racists?
07:06I didn't say that.
07:08Oh, you did.
07:09You also said Kelly's show is like if the L word stood for lame.
07:13Well, what I should have said was,
07:15you're like if the L word stood for lovely.
07:19Uh-huh.
07:21So, you're doing the garden.
07:23Yeah, yeah.
07:24Hope they have enough wheelchair ramps for your fans.
07:27Or just cut out the middleman live streaming directly into hospices.
07:31Ha!
07:32Oh, Kelly, you, you, you still got it.
07:39Deborah?
07:40So sorry to interrupt.
07:41I'm a huge fan.
07:43Uh, but someone left their phone in the car again.
07:47I thought it was in my bag.
07:48Sorry, Kelly, this is Ava, Ava, Kelly.
07:50Hi, nice to meet you.
07:52I'm sure you get this all the time,
07:53but when you guys starred as Lieutenant LaVondra Pax on Star Trek The Next Generation
07:56it was like the first time I actually saw myself on screen.
07:59Well, that's not the first time I've heard that, but I, I thank you.
08:03Uh, oh my God, Deborah, is that coffee?
08:05It's decaf.
08:06Is it?
08:07No.
08:08You know if you have caffeine this late, you won't sleep.
08:11And if you don't sleep, I don't sleep.
08:13She has been having the worst nightmares.
08:15And then I wake up and I can't get back to sleep.
08:17And I get the night sweats anyway, but I've never been able to sleep completely nude
08:20because, you know, pajama pants give me really bad rash.
08:23Honey, honey.
08:24We're about to eat.
08:25Sorry.
08:26Really nice to meet you.
08:37What?
08:38I should have known.
08:40I am so sorry.
08:43That's okay.
08:45For, for...
08:46No wonder you've been so bitter and frustrated and jealous all these years.
08:51It is so obvious.
08:52What's so obvious?
08:54That you're gay.
08:58I'm...
09:01Gay.
09:02Deb, I'm so sorry that I didn't realize sooner.
09:05And you know what?
09:06That's on me.
09:07Because it must have been so hard for you watching me live my truth out and proud.
09:11But look, if you don't want to talk about it here, I get it.
09:16Right.
09:17Hey, what are you doing this weekend?
09:19I, I, I don't know.
09:20Um, why?
09:22Well, why don't you come up to our place in Montecito for the weekend and we'll catch up.
09:26Huh?
09:26We'll really talk.
09:28And bring your girlfriend.
09:30She is adorable.
09:32Oh.
09:35We're there.
09:37Hey, let's get those mimosas.
09:39Yeah.
09:40I need one.
09:43By the way, who'd a wife?
09:45Um, her name's Monica.
09:47She's younger.
09:48Uh, you'd think she was a gold digger, but no, apparently she has family money.
09:52All right.
09:53One of the red.
09:54Oh.
09:55Cha-ching.
10:07Is that Damien again?
10:09Yeah.
10:11Okay.
10:11I'm not trying to be annoying, but I feel like you're hiding something from me.
10:14I don't know what you're talking about.
10:16You're being paranoid.
10:18Okay.
10:19Well, Meryl Marco said she saw you in Beverly Hills when you told me you were at Miraval.
10:22So.
10:23Well, Meryl's confused.
10:25And I'm not being dishonest.
10:28Okay.
10:28Oh, by the way, Kelly Kilpatrick thinks I'm gay and you're my secret wife, so we have
10:32to spend the weekend pretending to be lesbian lovers so I can get that Carol Burnett jumpsuit.
10:36What?
10:37Welcome, girls.
10:39Who's ready for a naughty little weekend?
10:41Me!
10:43Come.
10:45And this is the living room.
10:47Oh.
10:48Wow.
10:49Kelly, this is absolutely beautiful.
10:51That's stunning.
10:51Yeah.
10:52Thanks.
10:53Hi.
10:54Hi.
10:55Oh, gosh.
10:56Hi.
10:57Hi.
10:58Welcome, lovebirds.
11:00We're so excited to have you girls staying with us.
11:04Deb, Ava, this is my muse, my treasure, and thanks to the Ontario government since 2013.
11:112013?
11:11My wife.
11:14Deborah, come here.
11:17Oh.
11:18Oh.
11:18Deborah, enchanté.
11:20Merci.
11:21Casio, it's so nice.
11:22And you must be Ava.
11:25Guilty.
11:26Hi.
11:27Hi.
11:27Wow.
11:28You smell so good.
11:30And, uh, beautiful posture.
11:31Oh.
11:33Once a ballerina, always a ballerina.
11:36Darren Aronofsky dedicated Black Salon to me.
11:38Oh, wow.
11:39That was messy.
11:41All bad.
11:42Well, uh, let me, let me, let me show you to your room.
11:45This way.
11:45Okay.
11:46I know it's a hike, but it's worth it.
11:49I'm sure.
11:51The cream room.
11:53It's lovely.
11:53Well, good.
11:54You enjoy yourselves, girls.
11:56Thanks, Kelly.
11:56And if you need anything, just holler.
11:58Absolutely.
12:03Deborah, this is fucking insane.
12:05I am not pretending to be a lesbian couple with you.
12:07I need that jumpsuit, please.
12:08It means a lot to me.
12:10I guess it wouldn't be too bad to spend some time with the wife.
12:12Call me Chandler, cause I'm gonna fuck Monica.
12:16You're my girlfriend.
12:17Do not flirt with her and blow up my spot.
12:20You and I are in a committed, loving relationship.
12:24You're sleeping in the tub.
12:24I am not sleeping in the tub, okay?
12:27You know what?
12:28If you want me to do this, you gotta give me a thousand dollars.
12:31Yeah.
12:35The fuck?
12:35I should have had even more.
12:41Sorry.
12:42Forgot to say Negroni's at six.
12:44Ah.
12:52Give me an extra five hundred.
12:55Get in the tub.
13:00Oh, it's so nice having drinkers over.
13:02Nobody really parties anymore.
13:04It's true.
13:05It's true.
13:06It's so sad.
13:07And we celebrate our friend's sobriety.
13:10But we also mourn it.
13:14You poor thing.
13:16What happened?
13:17Sports injury?
13:19I love jocks.
13:21She dated Dean Cain at Princeton.
13:23This one was daydreaming and got hit by one of those self-driving cars.
13:27Oh, really?
13:29I was looking for a girl whose looks stopped traffic.
13:31Instead, I got one that gets plowed over by it.
13:34I have to forgive Debra.
13:36She's always a little grumpy when this hand is out of commission.
13:39Oh.
13:41Well, you know, if you need help with anything this weekend...
13:47Yeah, I can think of a few things.
13:49Ava?
13:49Watch out, Deb.
13:50Monica likes redheads.
13:52Did you know that redheads actually need more anesthesia during this week?
13:55Kelly, that blazer is fabulous.
13:58Is it vintage?
13:59Yeah.
14:00You know, Murph Griffin actually used to own this.
14:02No.
14:02I had it tailored, of course, but I think it's got a kicky vibe.
14:06Kelly has a whole walk-in for her vintage Hollywood collection.
14:09Really?
14:10I would love a tour.
14:11Well, maybe we'll do that after dinner, but how did you two meet?
14:15Oh, that's a boring story.
14:17Is it?
14:17I disagree, my love.
14:19I'll tell it.
14:21So, we were actually set up by our mutual friend Jimmy, who just knew we would hit it
14:24off.
14:25And we actually met for the first time at Debra's house, because obviously we needed
14:28to keep it very hush-hush, very discreet.
14:32And yeah, she hated me.
14:34Doc Martens, no makeup, always talking about transit and public housing.
14:39And, you know, we just kind of went back and forth, back and forth.
14:42The connection was undeniable, but I think our spark is in our fighting that would be bigger.
14:47It comes into play in the bedroom a lot, too, as well.
14:50Isn't that right, Deb?
14:51Anyway, we were fighting like dogs, and I just left.
14:56I up and left.
14:57And she came chasing after me.
14:59I was halfway down her driveway in my car, and she cut me off on her Rolls Royce and insisted
15:04that I stay, and so I did.
15:05I mean, how could I refuse?
15:06Ooh, hot.
15:07We've been together ever since.
15:09Doesn't it just feel like yesterday, Deb?
15:12Yeah, sweetie.
15:13Sometimes it feels like a hundred years.
15:15Aw.
15:19Give me a kiss, baby.
15:20Mm-hmm.
15:30Mm-hmm.
15:31Mm-hmm.
15:31Mm-hmm.
15:32Mm-hmm.
15:32Mm-hmm.
15:32Mm-hmm.
15:32Mm-hmm.
15:32Oh, come on.
15:33Come on.
15:34Come on.
15:35You weren't so shy on the car ride up.
15:38Come on.
15:55Oh, that's my girl.
15:57I love it.
15:59We're really happy.
16:12What are you doing in here?
16:15Just, uh, I was just looking for a bathroom.
16:17Uh, there is an ensuite in your bedroom.
16:21Yeah, I just, you know, want to keep the spark alive.
16:24Wow.
16:30I couldn't imagine the spark ever going out with you.
16:33Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:37You know, Kelly and I, um, we're open.
16:44Super powerful information.
16:46Are you and Debra?
16:47Are me and Debra in an open relationship?
16:50We are not.
16:52We are not.
16:53I have to say no.
16:54I have to say no.
16:58But that pause, it tells me you want to be.
17:03I will say that I'm attracted to other women.
17:07I like that.
17:08But let's circle back on that.
17:12Do you want to see our chicken coop?
17:15Is that a euphemism?
17:17No, it's a real coop.
17:18Oh, sure, yeah, I would love to.
17:20Yeah.
17:22Come on.
17:29Oh, my God.
17:30Kelly, this is, this is incredible.
17:32It's, it's like a life's work.
17:34I know.
17:35Debbie Reynolds almost outbid me on the Vitamita Vegeman dress, but I am vicious with a pedal.
17:41Oh, what is this little white number?
17:43It doesn't, doesn't look familiar.
17:44It's from Carol's last show.
17:46Oh, of course.
17:47Oh, it's cute.
17:49I mean, I would take it off your hands, you know, if you wanted to sell it.
17:52Yeah, right.
17:53And the really undervalued piece is Bette Midler's dress from Carson's last show.
17:58I know you're going to want to see that.
17:59No, I mean, sure, yeah, but this little white number, we're...
18:02Come on, Deb, keep up.
18:04A lot more to see.
18:07Hey, Damien, how are you?
18:09Is it an emergency?
18:10You've called me like ten times.
18:12No, no emergency.
18:13I was just wondering, um, yeah, how did the trip to Miravol with Deborah go?
18:16We haven't gone yet.
18:18That's next week.
18:18So she wasn't there last Tuesday.
18:21She is lying to me.
18:22God, I thought we were past this.
18:23Okay, I refuse to get involved in whatever this is.
18:26By the way, where are you guys?
18:27We're in Montecito at Kelly Kilpatrick's mansion.
18:30We're pretending to be a couple so we can swindle her out of an old jumpsuit.
18:32It's actually really gorgeous out here.
18:34I mean...
18:36Damien, let's go.
18:42You think chapstick lesbian is butchered in soft butch?
18:46Yes!
18:46Oh, God, these kids, they love their little categories.
18:48I mean, back in our days, it was just butcher femme.
18:51Or big lesbos.
18:54I'm kidding, I'm sorry.
18:56I mean, labels are stupid.
18:57Unless, of course, it's Poochie.
18:59Oh!
19:00Thank you so much.
19:01Oh, no, she's had enough.
19:02Oh, have I, dear?
19:03I think I'm fine.
19:06Oh, Kelly showed me her collection.
19:07She has this gorgeous jumpsuit that Carol wore.
19:10I think we're about the same size.
19:11Oh, let's not talk about that collection.
19:13She's always talking about that collection.
19:15Let's talk about something fun.
19:17I don't know.
19:19Deborah, do you strap?
19:22Um, strap?
19:23Oh, leave my pillow princess alone.
19:27No.
19:27Oh, really?
19:28Yeah.
19:29Really?
19:30Deb.
19:31Interesting.
19:32I'm particular about my pillows, yes.
19:34I'm a Cortina, soft, down kind of girl.
19:38What?
19:40She's joking.
19:42Obviously, Deborah knows that a pillow princess is someone who only likes to receive pleasure during sex.
19:46That is not true.
19:48No, no, I do plenty in bed.
19:49Oh.
19:50You know, lesbianically.
19:52No, no, this is the lazy one.
19:53Oh, yeah.
19:53I'm the lazy one.
19:54No, you're right.
19:55She does love eating my ass.
19:58I'm always looking behind me going, quit chowing down on that thing.
20:01It ain't groceries.
20:03Tell me more.
20:05Oh, yeah, we've been doing shibari.
20:06That's rope play.
20:07So she'll kind of tie me up and hang me from the damn ceiling like a chandelier.
20:10We know Sia.
20:11There's a force I always try.
20:16Huh?
20:18Coming through.
20:23He's kidding.
20:28Come and dance it, Vic.
20:35Look at our girls.
20:37Deborah.
20:40Come on.
20:42Huh?
20:43Come and dance it, Vic.
20:44Come on, Deborah.
20:45Oh, my gosh, she's lumber.
20:48You're a good little kitty cat.
20:50Come on, Dad.
20:51Oh, okay.
20:52Oh, okay.
20:53Okay, okay, okay.
20:55Okay, okay.
20:58Let's see those moves.
20:59Oh.
21:02Deborah Vance, you little petunia.
21:04Such good hips.
21:05Oh, thank you.
21:08Oh, gosh.
21:10Okay.
21:13Shall we hot tub?
21:14I think it's getting a little too late for that.
21:16I mean, and, sweetie, you said you were getting tired.
21:20No, actually, no.
21:21I'm feeling really awake.
21:23Yeah, I would love to hot tub.
21:25Well, unfortunately, I forgot to pack my suit.
21:28So did I.
21:35Come on, damn.
21:38We're all dykes here.
21:53Oh, the stars are gorgeous tonight.
21:57Breathtaking, isn't it?
21:59It really is.
22:06Deb, I've been impressed with you.
22:09Your special, the free speech crusade you got going standing up against Bob Lipko.
22:15Now, you really grew a pair.
22:18And when I read you spent a night in jail, I did a spit take.
22:20Oh, yeah.
22:22How was jail?
22:24You know, I was a lesbian.
22:26I wasn't so bad.
22:28A lot of tough ladies working out all day long.
22:31When I was there, I thought, oh, I'm going to save this for the old spank bank.
22:39So what's everybody's first celebrity crush?
22:42Mine?
22:43Lola Bunny from Space Jam.
22:44I was beating my meat hard to that girl every night.
22:49Good night.
22:51What the hell is wrong with you?
22:53Excuse me?
22:54You have been way out of line all night.
22:56What?
22:57You should be thanking me.
22:58I was saving your straight ass.
23:00Don't you dare bring up ASS after you said I eat it!
23:03You will not turn this around on me.
23:04You brought me here under false pretenses, which isn't surprising because I know you were lying.
23:07I have confirmation that you were in Beverly Hills last week.
23:10What, are you tracking me?
23:12I actually wasn't, but that's not the point.
23:14I thought we were finally being honest with each other.
23:16Well, we're clearly not, since you're secretly spying on my whereabouts.
23:19Okay, fine.
23:21Whatever.
23:21I'm going straight to tub.
23:22Good, fine.
23:23Sleep tight.
23:41Oh, sorry.
23:42I love a midnight snack.
23:45We have these amazing strawberries and creme fraiche.
23:48Do you want one?
23:49Uh-huh.
23:50I'm good.
23:59Open up.
24:04Hmm.
24:08Kelly and I just got in a fight.
24:09Same with me and Debra.
24:10It's so hard to be with these dominant women who always get their way.
24:16Tell me about it.
24:19Wow, look at us.
24:23Two trophy words.
24:27Do you ever wonder if late at night, when they're all alone on the show,
24:36those trophies get to playing with each other?
24:40Like Toy Story.
24:43Exactly like Toy Story.
24:49Oh.
24:54I was just getting, uh, water.
25:01Good night.
25:12How dare you cheat on me?
25:14I am not cheating on you, because we are not in a relationship.
25:16It's a lie, which is your specialty.
25:19Well, if you fuck that nympho trophy wife and Kelly finds out,
25:22I won't ever get that jumpsuit.
25:23That's not true, because Kelly and Monica are open.
25:26Well, we are monogamous.
25:28What?
25:28That's what works for me.
25:32Is everything all right in here?
25:33Oh, everything's fine.
25:35Ava?
25:38Are you okay?
25:41You know, when you're in a relationship with an older, more powerful woman,
25:45it's hard to find your voice.
25:47She is my voice.
25:48Debra, calm down.
25:50Ava, sweetheart, how'd you really break your arm?
25:52A driverless car with no witnesses, it seems convenient.
25:56Oh, my God.
25:57I never hit her.
25:58Well, I did it this time.
26:00I'm just gonna say it because I don't think Ava feels safe saying it.
26:05But, Debra, Ava wants to be ethically non-monogamous with you.
26:09No, she doesn't.
26:10Well, yes, I do, but that's not what this is about.
26:12All right, so, Ava, what is this about?
26:14Well, I'm upset because Debra is clearly keeping something from me,
26:19and it hurts my feelings that she cannot be honest with me.
26:21Yeah, well, everything hurts your feelings.
26:23Yeah, hurtful things hurt my feelings, Debra.
26:25Sue me.
26:26I have!
26:26Okay, okay.
26:28Monica and I have done a lot of couples,
26:30and right now you two are in the red zone.
26:32So let's all take a breath, let's get some sleep,
26:34and maybe revisit this when your nervous systems have regulated.
26:38Okay?
26:39Sure.
26:41Sorry.
26:42Okay.
26:43Ava.
26:45Good night.
26:48Good night.
27:06I hate when we go to bed angry.
27:09I've been in love, honey, you know it's true.
27:16Good morning.
27:17Hi.
27:20You a coffee person?
27:21Yeah, yeah.
27:22Please help yourself.
27:23Oh, I'm sorry.
27:24Oh, you got it.
27:26How'd you sleep?
27:28Uh, not so well.
27:31Sorry about last night.
27:34Mind if I'm candid?
27:35Please?
27:38Well, it seems to me that Debra has probably betrayed you in the past,
27:43and maybe the truth is that you're just not fully over it.
27:49And I think that maybe you might be trying to heal that betrayal
27:54by oversharing incredibly intimate, graphic details about your relationship
28:02and demanding to know everything about Debra's life.
28:07Yeah, you might be right.
28:09Well, sometimes oversharing is a means of forcing intimacy because you're afraid the other person will withhold it from you.
28:17Yeah, I mean, I guess I do share too much.
28:21I don't know.
28:22I just wish that she wouldn't keep so many walls up after all this time.
28:27The people we love oftentimes are fundamentally different than us.
28:31And for someone like Debra, letting her guard down,
28:37that gives her the opposite feeling of safety.
28:40You know, it's just different strokes, you know?
28:42Yeah.
28:44That makes a lot of sense.
28:49And once you accept this about her,
28:52you're both going to have much deeper, much more intense orgasms together.
28:58Hope so!
29:01Here's to it!
29:04Thanks, Kelly.
29:05Anytime, babe.
29:11Hi.
29:12Hi.
29:15Coffee?
29:16Thanks.
29:26So, listen, I wasn't fully honest with you.
29:29No, no.
29:29I shouldn't expect you to share every aspect of your life with me.
29:32I'm sorry I pushed.
29:33No, no.
29:34It's okay.
29:34It's okay.
29:35You were right.
29:36I wasn't at Miraval.
29:38I was in Beverly Hills.
29:43Having a medical procedure.
29:45They found a mass, and I had it removed.
29:47Oh, my God.
29:47No, no.
29:48I'm fine.
29:49My mom did the exact same thing.
29:50She had a kidney removed, and she didn't tell me.
29:52Why do people do that?
29:53Because of reactions like this.
29:55Trust me.
29:56I'm fine.
29:58But I knew you'd worry again.
30:00So, look.
30:01Here's the...
30:03Here's the doctor's email.
30:06This is your white blood cell count now?
30:08Yes.
30:09Totally normal range.
30:10Cholesterol's a little high.
30:11So is everybody's.
30:13Trust me.
30:13I'm fine.
30:14Are you sure?
30:15Yes.
30:18Okay, well, thanks for telling me.
30:21I just don't like talking about everything all the time like you do.
30:28Yeah, well, I should probably keep some things to myself.
30:31And I should probably be more forthcoming.
30:36Starting with telling Monica and Kelly the truth.
30:41So we're breaking up?
30:42Yeah.
30:43Well, I hope we can still be friends.
30:47And live together.
30:49And work together.
30:51And have complicated intermingled lives.
31:02Hey.
31:03Hi.
31:03Good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning.
31:06Hi.
31:07Uh, it's, uh, I need to come clean with you two.
31:12Oh, well, of course.
31:13We're open to, you know, whatever you have to say.
31:17The truth is, I'm not a lesbian.
31:21I, I, I've been lying this whole time.
31:23To endear myself to Kelly so that I could talk her into parting with the Carol Burnett jumpsuit.
31:32So that I could wear it when I play the garden.
31:38Because my psychic told me I had to.
31:41Oh, my God.
31:43Wow.
31:44Anyway, I, I am so sorry I lied.
31:47Wow.
31:48I respect your culture.
31:51Deb, after a full weekend of watching you and Ava, I think it is pretty obvious that you're in a
31:57relationship.
31:58It's just so sad that you cannot live your full truth.
32:02Let's get at least one thing out of the closet this weekend.
32:05You can have the fucking jumpsuit.
32:07Oh.
32:07But I'm not going to play this game with you.
32:09Follow me upstairs to the closet.
32:12Get it and out.
32:13Yes, ma'am.
32:14Ms.
32:18So sad.
32:22Oh, it makes me feel sick.
32:29You know, uh, we had a, a lovely time and, um, now that you know that I'm not in a
32:34relationship,
32:34my email is MrAvaDaniels at gmail.com.
32:37Out!
32:38I'm sorry.
32:40Go!
32:42God, they're tragic.
32:45At the end of the day, I'm rooting for them.
32:49My hopeless romantic.
32:51I love ya.
32:55Honey, let's adopt another disabled dog.
32:58Oh, baby.
33:00You know, there's pads everywhere and you gotta put the things on the back.
33:03I know, I'm gonna put a pad on you.
33:04No, don't do that.
33:05You know I hate my putting that.
33:07Quit it, quit it.
33:08Well, that was easy.
33:10That was completely insane.
33:15You know, regardless of you being straight, we would never work as a couple.
33:19Oh, absolutely not.
33:20I'm out of your league.
33:26Hey, guess what?
33:29What?
33:33I stole their fancy cookies.
33:35Those aren't fancy.
33:36Those are Tates.
33:37They sell them everywhere.
33:38What are you talking about?
33:40They taste fancy.
33:41That's just because they're thin.
33:43That's what makes them fancy.
33:44Oh, come on.
33:45You're getting crumbs everywhere.
33:46These are so good, but they need milk.
33:48Can we stop the milk?
33:49What are you, nine?
33:50So, um, should I tell Damien and Josefina that we hook up or do you want to...
33:54What?
33:55No, we did not hook up.
33:56That was first.
33:57No, it's never happened.
33:58Don't you leave it?
34:01Like a lonely seabird
34:03You've been away from land too long
34:09Far too long
34:14Seabird, seabird, fly home
34:22Seabird, sea bird, fly home
34:28Like a lonely seabird
34:30You've been away from land too long
34:36Far too long
34:41Suddenly you're with me
34:45Turning your nothing
34:48Like a ghost you haunt me
34:52You've found warmth in a one-night bed
35:01Sunsets full moon
35:02Don't turn you off
35:07Like an untied dog
35:09You just have to run
35:14Like a lonely seabird
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