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Hacks - Season 5 - Episode 03: No New Tricks
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00:13Oh, God, I think I've got an ace in the hole.
00:16Okay, well, it's not exactly the most practical ensemble.
00:19Practical doesn't get you press.
00:21I need something that gives Madison Square Garden a headliner
00:24and also timeless, humble sex icon.
00:26Hmm.
00:27I always wonder what Machiavelli would have been like
00:29if he'd been warped by boomer misogyny.
00:32Ladies and gentlemen, Nico Hayes,
00:36the Palmetto's newest artist in residence.
00:43I know it's, like, obvious to say that an international rock star is hot,
00:46but, like, he's hot.
00:48Deborah?
00:49Hi.
00:50Would you like to do the carpet?
00:51Oh, me?
00:53I'm kind of shy, but sure, I'll try it.
01:15So how are you feeling about Marty's wedding?
01:17Oh.
01:18Oh, it's kind of like a colonoscopy.
01:20They happen every five years.
01:21They're a pain in the ass, but I'm passed out for most of it.
01:24Deborah.
01:25Hi.
01:25Lookin' aces.
01:27Hi.
01:28Oh, my gosh.
01:29We were just talking about your big day.
01:30Ah, yeah.
01:31Well, Victoria wanted to keep it small, but I said,
01:33baby, this might be my last one.
01:36Let's blow it out.
01:37Might.
01:38Oh, nothing says love like a subjunctive bird.
01:42Congratulations on your show at Madison Square Garden.
01:45Oh, thank you.
01:46I miss New York.
01:48To be young again, huh?
01:50I just can't picture you young.
01:52Oh.
01:53So sorry.
01:54I have to go say bonjour to the mini cheeseburgers.
01:57I'll see you guys.
01:58She calls the mini because that way it seems normal when she's five.
02:04Oh.
02:05Sorry.
02:06You can have it.
02:07Oh.
02:07Yeah, totally.
02:09Really appreciate it.
02:10I live with a woman who doesn't believe in having snacks in the house, so needed this.
02:14You got it.
02:15I love the tie.
02:16Very cool.
02:18Um, I got it at the men's section at the Ross Dress for Less on the strip.
02:22Oh, never been.
02:23Oh, you must go.
02:24Okay, I'll check it out.
02:26Um, you might want to avert your eyes.
02:28I'm going to eat this really fast.
02:30I kind of want to watch.
02:31Okay, freak.
02:35Oh, my God.
02:36Mm.
02:36You think they'll let me play blackjack in this thing?
02:38Oh, Debra.
02:40Yes.
02:41If they stress.
02:42Marty, no scotch?
02:43No, I need to stay sharp for these young VC guys who just bought the Palmetto Group.
02:47They're obsessed with hitting their macros and biohacking.
02:51There's so many new terms for eating disorders these days.
02:54Literally.
02:55So what are they like?
02:56They're young.
02:57Great guys.
02:58They're, uh, what do they call it?
03:01Strategically editing, meaning they're offloading properties, like the Paradiso downtown.
03:06What?
03:06No, that casino's legendary.
03:08My grandma lost her retirement there.
03:10I mean, it should be protected as a historical landmark.
03:12I agree.
03:13But it's above my pay grade now.
03:16Okay.
03:16They're coming this way.
03:17I got to go.
03:18Marcus, what's a cool app I can bring up?
03:20Um, Chase Mobile Banking?
03:23Okay.
03:24Hi, Debra.
03:25Nico is a huge fan.
03:27He's wondering if you have a moment to meet him.
03:29Oh, certainly.
03:30Okay, right.
03:30Excuse me.
03:31Excuse me, fellas.
03:34I almost wore that.
03:36So first she dates Jim Carrey in the mask, green.
03:39And then Fiona's dating Shrek Green.
03:41I'm going, what is happening here?
03:43Are you saying that Cameron Diaz has a green guy fetish?
03:45I'm not saying she's a fetish.
03:46But I'm saying if it happens again, then something's afoot.
03:49Isn't she in the Green Hornet?
03:51Oh, my God.
03:52This goes all the way to the top.
03:55Sorry, have a sec.
03:56Um, oh.
03:58No, I have to go.
03:59Oh.
04:00Sorry.
04:02It was nice meeting you.
04:03You too, yeah.
04:05See ya.
04:07Uh, okay, I'm sorry.
04:08Um, I think you're really cute.
04:11Do you want to get a drink sometime?
04:13Yeah, yeah.
04:14Yeah.
04:16Said it enough times, yes.
04:18Okay.
04:18Uh, I-I-I feel like I need to be up front with you
04:22because it's been kind of an issue in the past with dating.
04:25Um, I'm a sex worker.
04:29That is awesome.
04:31Really?
04:31Yeah, really.
04:32That is totally rocking.
04:34For sure.
04:34Oh, my God.
04:35I've been saying sex workers work forever.
04:37I wasn't the first one to say it,
04:39but I was definitely in the first thousand.
04:40Okay.
04:41Then...
04:42Cool.
04:42Cool, yeah.
04:43Um, do you want to...
04:44Yeah, yeah.
04:45I'll put my number in.
04:46Oh, and, um, I-I should be up front with you as well.
04:50Well, I am a comedy writer,
04:53and that has been an issue for me when it comes to dating,
04:55just because we can be annoying.
04:58Damn.
04:59So...
05:00You're almost perfect.
05:01I'm excited to meet you right this way.
05:04Nico, this is Debra.
05:06Debra, Nico.
05:08Hi.
05:08It is so nice to meet you.
05:10I've been a huge fan since you did that.
05:11Oh, please.
05:12If you're going to name an event that happened after 1990,
05:14don't finish that sentence.
05:15Fair enough.
05:16But it's nice to meet someone who I admire so much in person.
05:20Well, it's nice to meet a fellow Lancome ambassador.
05:23And congratulations on your residency.
05:27You know, I wouldn't be doing any of this if it wasn't for you.
05:29Oh, come on.
05:30Seriously.
05:31Before you did a residency,
05:32Vegas was just magicians and acrobats.
05:35You made it cool for artists.
05:38Yeah, I know my...
05:40Oh, don't say history.
05:42Icons.
05:47Welcome to Vegas.
05:49Can we get a picture?
05:51Yeah.
06:02Change disassociating to reclining elegantly
06:06and change sweatpants to cashmere slacks.
06:09Okay.
06:10So in Singapore, you were so depressed,
06:12you were reclining elegantly in cashmere slacks?
06:14Yeah.
06:15That's how I remember it.
06:16Me too.
06:17Oh, great.
06:18It's Jimmy.
06:19Hello, hello.
06:20Hello.
06:20So I got a very interesting request.
06:23Nico Hayes' publicist called
06:25and said that Nico would love to take you out to dinner.
06:28Oh.
06:29Yeah, there are photos of you guys from last night
06:30that are breaking the internet.
06:31I mean, not literally.
06:33Though my Wi-Fi is slow today.
06:36Anyway, there's already a hashtag.
06:37People are calling you guys Nikara.
06:39Oh, how interesting.
06:40I do want to flag that I'm not pressuring you in any way
06:43into any sort of sexual situation.
06:46It's very important to me
06:47that you have your own private, intimate, sensual life
06:50and that I have no influence over that.
06:51And as a matter of safety,
06:52I am recording this conversation.
06:54Jimmy, he's not asking me out on a real date.
06:57He's just trying to get attention for his new residency.
06:59It's a PR stunt date.
07:01I'm very shrewd of him.
07:02And since I'm so bound and gagged,
07:04I need all the free publicity I can get.
07:06So yeah, tell her I'm in.
07:07Okay, great.
07:08You two can talk shop, performer to performer.
07:11You know what I always say,
07:12stars, they're just like each other.
07:15Oh, while I have you,
07:15do you want to be a guest on a Xena rewatch podca?
07:18Hello?
07:19I have a fake date.
07:20I know.
07:21You take every call on speakerphone
07:23directly next to your head.
07:29With these beings removed,
07:31the ceiling just opens up.
07:33Smells like dust.
07:34You know, I hate it
07:35when you say we're going to the gym
07:36and then you just bring me on a tour
07:38of some old-ass building.
07:39I've only done that three times.
07:40Besides, this is different.
07:41They're going to tear down
07:42one of the only historic casinos left in Vegas.
07:44I mean, with a little work,
07:45this could be such a cool space
07:47for people who want to stay somewhere different.
07:49Like what the Ace did in Palm Springs.
07:50I love the slippers there.
07:52Like a blowjob for the feet.
07:54Okay, so you want me to
07:55go around knocking on walls?
07:57Yeah, but in a real mask way,
07:59trust me, it prevents price gouging.
08:01Here she comes.
08:02Hi, I'm so sorry, Emily.
08:04I thought I found a lump in my breast.
08:05It turned out it was a dried wasabi pee in my bra.
08:08Hi, Meredith.
08:09Marcus, and that's such good news.
08:11Wow.
08:13Well, you like what you see?
08:15I really do.
08:16I think this is such a special property
08:18and I would hate to see it turn into a parking lot.
08:20I agree completely.
08:21We are on the same page.
08:25What are you, 6'2"?
08:26Uh, 6'4"?
08:28Oh, my God.
08:29My ex, 5'5".
08:31It was like walking around with a minion.
08:33So I was going through the archives
08:35admiring the marble floors before the reno.
08:37Do you know if they're still underneath the carpet?
08:39You know what?
08:39Here's my motto.
08:40If they don't disclose, I don't stick my nose.
08:43Okay, so I have no idea.
08:44But for you,
08:46I might stick my nose somewhere.
08:48Okay.
08:49All right, here's the deal.
08:49I find you very attractive
08:51and I'd like you to take me out on Friday.
08:54Oh.
08:55Okay?
08:55Oh!
08:57That clunkity-clunk?
08:58Oh.
08:59That's a red flag, brother.
09:00Um,
09:01I think we're going to need, like,
09:02another 10% off probably.
09:04Who's this?
09:04This is my friend, Wilson.
09:06He, uh,
09:06came to check out the property with me.
09:08So?
09:11Is this your boyfriend?
09:12No.
09:12I mean, we used to date,
09:13but now we're just better off as friends.
09:16Oh, my God.
09:16I'm so embarrassed.
09:17Oh, don't be.
09:18I'm sorry.
09:19Encroached on your territory.
09:20My bad.
09:20Will you forgive me?
09:21Yeah, you're good.
09:22Okay, how about this?
09:23Only thing better than a date this weekend
09:25is two gay guys to hang out with.
09:27Guacamole, chips, Friday?
09:30Um...
09:30Do you want this fucking place or not?
09:32Yes.
09:33Let's go, girls!
09:34This way.
09:34Let me show you up stairs.
09:36Oh, wait.
09:37It's this way.
09:42Deborah?
09:43I'm in my closet!
09:52Hey!
09:53What's up?
09:54Do you have a pair of tweezers,
09:55I could borrow?
09:56I've been waiting for this day.
09:59Okay, are we going between the brows
10:01or we start from the ground up
10:02with the big toe?
10:02I have a splinter.
10:07God, there is something so exciting
10:09about getting ready for a date with a man.
10:11Maybe it's the tiny threat
10:12of being killed at the end of the night.
10:16Well, mine's not really a date.
10:17It's publicity,
10:18so it's more of a work function.
10:20Why are you so sure it's not a real date?
10:22Maybe he's legitimately into you.
10:24Even if he was,
10:25I'm not into him.
10:26He's not my type.
10:26He's just too young and pretty.
10:28I'm the pretty one.
10:30Yeah.
10:31Anyway, what are you going to wear on your date?
10:32Oh.
10:36This.
10:39Go ahead.
10:40That looks like something
10:41that my grandson would wear
10:42so that he could poop out the back.
10:44God, I wish.
10:45It'd be so convenient.
10:46All right.
10:47I'll text you after the date.
10:49Cool.
10:50Thanks.
10:51Bye, girl.
10:55Hi, doll.
10:56How's my favorite paparazzo?
10:58Sensational.
10:58Are we still on for tonight?
10:59Oh, yeah.
11:00Daily Mail's already chomping at the bit
11:01for these pigs.
11:02Great.
11:03I'd say I'd get my good side,
11:04but I paid to have them both be good.
11:06Ha, ha, ha, ha.
11:16Hi.
11:17Hello.
11:18You look beautiful.
11:20Ditto.
11:21I think we have the same stylist.
11:23Well, it looks better on you.
11:26Good evening.
11:28Hi.
11:28Cell phones?
11:29I love it here.
11:30They put a sticker on your camera
11:31so nobody can take any photos.
11:32It's discreet.
11:33It's private.
11:34We can relax.
11:35That's great.
11:37I've been looking forward to this all day.
11:40Me too.
11:42Okay, follow me.
11:43After you.
11:53Oh, um, sorry.
11:54I just want to clarify something.
11:56Just FYI, I don't expect us to hook up tonight
11:58just because you're a sex worker.
11:59Just like you wouldn't expect me to, like,
12:01write a monologue joke for you.
12:03Just saying.
12:03I don't expect you to blow my back out.
12:06Yeah.
12:07But it's not work if you love what you do.
12:10All right.
12:11Okay.
12:11I love that.
12:13But, um, in general, though,
12:15that phrase is kind of like a capitalist propaganda message
12:17to get people to, like, self-identify
12:19with their labor output
12:20to amass more productive hours.
12:23Wow.
12:25Did you go to grad school?
12:28That's the hottest thing anyone's ever said to me.
12:35You knew little Richard.
12:37You knew him?
12:38He offered me $5,000 to let him watch me pee.
12:41No.
12:42Oh, I would have done it.
12:43But he was just so over-eager
12:45just kind of took the fun out of him.
12:46Oh, my God.
12:47That's insane.
12:50So, are you going to have your parents
12:51come see your show?
12:54Um, no.
12:55I'm not really close to my family.
12:57Um, I emancipated from my parents when I was 15.
13:01Really?
13:02Yeah.
13:03Um, my dad sold my homecoming photos to E! News,
13:07and that was kind of the final straw.
13:11The press are fucking vultures.
13:14When I saw those stories about you having a breakdown,
13:16I knew it was bullshit.
13:22So, you just moved to Vegas?
13:26All on your own?
13:27Just to do shows every night?
13:28Yeah, didn't you?
13:32Yeah.
13:35I don't mind doing things on my own.
13:37And cutting ties with my parents was actually great for me.
13:41I took control of my career.
13:44It ended up being the best decision I ever made.
13:47Good for you.
13:50When I know what I want,
13:53I don't hesitate.
14:01Maybe I should have hesitated that time.
14:03No.
14:03I just...
14:06I was just going to say I'm exactly the same.
14:10I was just going to say...
14:11One minute today...
14:14Papa's in the same.
14:18Ain't no drag.
14:21Papa's got a brand new bag.
14:26She didn't know any better.
14:28Debra, Debra, right here.
14:30Deco, right here.
14:31Hey, back up.
14:32Come on, give us room.
14:33Right here, buddy. Right here, right here.
14:35Here's space. I'm not saying it again.
14:37This is your violation.
14:38What's wrong with you people?
14:40Just leave us alone.
14:42Here you go. Protect you.
14:43Seriously. Your bottom caterers.
14:46Why don't you get a real job?
14:48Scum.
14:49Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
14:52We love it.
14:54Unbelievable.
14:57That's money.
15:00So I am going to see him again.
15:01But not until the weekend.
15:03Because tomorrow night he's having sex with a married woman
15:06while her husband watches from a recliner.
15:08Oh. Really exciting.
15:10And then Friday he's having sex with someone in a wheelchair.
15:13Oh. Which is so cool.
15:15Sex work is so important.
15:16Of course.
15:18Oh good. You can talk to Debra now.
15:22Okay.
15:24Hey.
15:28You okay?
15:31Oh, Ava.
15:34You were right.
15:35It was real.
15:37Oh my God.
15:39We actually have so much in common.
15:42I mean, he's sexy and he's smart.
15:45And he's just funny.
15:47And he's just a great sense of style.
15:50Oh, Ava.
15:51What?
15:52We made out.
15:55Oh my God.
15:57Way to bury the lead.
15:58You kissed a girly guy and you liked it.
16:01Are you going to see him again?
16:02I hope so.
16:04I have a good idea.
16:06But...
16:07Invite him to Marty's wedding.
16:08Oh, I couldn't.
16:09Yes.
16:10Could I?
16:10Of course you could.
16:11You have a plus one, don't you?
16:14Do you think you'd want to?
16:15Yes!
16:16Yes!
16:17Text him now.
16:20Okay.
16:21Oh!
16:22He already texted me.
16:23What did he say?
16:24I had a wonderful night.
16:25Next time we should get pumpkin soup.
16:28What?
16:30What?
16:30No.
16:31Pumpkin soup.
16:32It was just this whole bit and we were laughing.
16:35How hard were you laughing?
16:37Oh, stop!
16:39All right.
16:39Tell me what I should say.
16:40Okay, okay.
16:40Um, I had a wonderful night.
16:42Okay, me too.
16:43And then be like,
16:44Hey, going to this random ass wedding next weekend.
16:48Want to be my plus one?
16:50Be my plus one.
16:51Yeah.
16:51Great.
16:52Yeah.
16:52Oh my god.
16:53Okay, which emojis?
16:54No, no emojis.
16:56No.
16:57Okay.
16:57Send.
17:00Oh my god, see the little bubbles.
17:02He sticks me back.
17:02He sticks me back.
17:03This man's on his phone.
17:04Oh my god.
17:09Literally funny.
17:10That is hilarious.
17:11Can I wear white?
17:13Really, really funny.
17:14I told you it was funny.
17:15Oh my god.
17:15Oh my god, he's in.
17:16He's in.
17:17Oh my god.
17:18Okay, I gotta call Marty.
17:19Oh my god.
17:20Wait, right now?
17:21It's like, it's ringing.
17:23Okay.
17:24Hmm.
17:26Hmm.
17:28Oh, wait.
17:31Oh, Deb.
17:32You alright?
17:33Alright, Marty.
17:33I need to change my RSVP to your wedding.
17:35I am bringing in a guest after all.
17:36He's this really hot young guy,
17:38and he's really funny too.
17:39Oh, you know him.
17:40Nico Hayes.
17:41Okay, that's fine.
17:42Uh, I'll tell the wedding planner.
17:45Good night now.
17:45Oh, Marty, can I bring a sex worker?
17:48Yeah, sure.
17:49Go ahead.
17:50Okay.
17:51Ah!
17:53Oh my god!
18:05Hi.
18:06Hey.
18:08So, now you're a fan.
18:10Huge.
18:10Hey, listen.
18:12What do you think these lyrics are about?
18:15Um.
18:15Oh, never mind.
18:16I'll have Damien Google it.
18:18You want some coffee?
18:18Tea?
18:19No, no.
18:19This will be quick.
18:20I just want to get your advice on something.
18:22Sure.
18:22So, after Marty told us about the Paradiso,
18:24I went down and took a look.
18:27I'm thinking about buying it.
18:29I'm going to renovate it,
18:31make it a cool boutique hotel casino,
18:32since there's really nothing like it left in the city.
18:34Wow.
18:35That's interesting.
18:37I've always loved that space.
18:38Oh, I know.
18:38The location is perfect.
18:40Historical building.
18:41Yeah, but, oh.
18:42Honey, that, that's a huge undertaking.
18:45I mean, you have to deal with the gaming commission,
18:48the, the unions, the permits.
18:51Plus, tourism is down.
18:53There's a reason there's no independent casinos anymore.
18:57I, I don't know.
18:58That's an awful big risk.
19:01So, you wouldn't?
19:03If I were you, no.
19:05Keep your money in an index and wait for a lower lift.
19:07Oh, you're right.
19:09You're right.
19:10Thanks for the reality check.
19:12I mean, I could get a discount if I sleep at the realtor.
19:15Oh, is he cute?
19:16He's a woman.
19:17Oh.
19:18Yeah.
19:18Sorry.
19:20You know what else I found out about Nico?
19:22Yeah.
19:22He's a huge anti-bullying advocate.
19:24Isn't that cool?
19:26That could be an issue for you.
19:29Oh, shut up.
19:35I still can't believe you bought this whole place out.
19:38Well, I wanted us to be free, to, you know, do whatever.
19:51Oh, God.
19:55So, how was your first week of show?
19:57Oh, it was okay.
19:58Just okay?
20:00When I tour, I change up the set list.
20:02And here, I'm doing the same exact show every night.
20:05And I'm just getting used to it.
20:07Oh, yeah.
20:08I get it.
20:10But just remember, people come from all over the world to see residencies here.
20:15And even though you're in the same place, doing the same thing, you know,
20:19I like to think of it as performing for the whole world all at once.
20:22Hmm.
20:23It's a good way of looking at it.
20:27I think there's a lot I could learn from you.
20:30Oh, yeah?
20:31Yeah.
20:33How about we skip dessert and get out of here?
20:36Check, please!
20:37Check, please!
20:39Ugh.
20:42Ugh.
20:43Ugh.
20:45Ugh.
20:46Ugh.
20:50Goddamn.
20:51Huh.
20:52I see why you do that for a living.
20:54Huh.
20:57You aren't so bad yourself.
21:02Um, listen, I don't want to, um, jump the G word.
21:09Gun.
21:10But, um, the owner of the Palmetto's getting married next Saturday,
21:14and I have a plus one if, if you want to come with me.
21:17I don't know.
21:18I, uh, yeah.
21:21Yeah, I, I love that.
21:23Okay, cool.
21:24I don't think I have a gig that day, but let me have a check.
21:27Oh, my God, no pressure.
21:28I know that, like, dating a sex worker means that, like, you might not be available on nights
21:34or, or weekends.
21:35No, no, this wouldn't be for that, um, I thought I might have a magic show that day, um, but
21:41no, looks like I'm free.
21:44What?
21:45What?
21:46Oh, well, sex work pays the bills, but my dream job is magician.
21:58Wow.
21:59Yeah, why did you think I moved to Vegas?
22:01To be a prostitute.
22:03What?
22:03No.
22:04No.
22:05No?
22:06No.
22:06Okay.
22:08Here, let me show you a trick.
22:14Okay.
22:15All right.
22:16Now, I know what you're thinking.
22:18This is just a regular box of unlit matches, right?
22:22I wish.
22:23But guess again.
22:28I think it's the lube all over my hands.
22:32Fuck, you weren't supposed to see the coins, but it's a work in progress.
22:39I'll practice.
22:40Fab.
22:41What?
22:43You're me, probably, because there was a coin in your ear.
22:45Oh!
22:46Isn't that...
22:47Ow!
22:50That's a good one, too.
22:51You want that one?
22:54They're coming out!
22:56Oh, no.
22:57Debra, Nico, how was the date?
22:59How are you two official?
23:00No, out of the way.
23:02Oh, come on, Dave.
23:03You called me before, but nothing for us tonight?
23:07Don't listen to it.
23:09Let's go.
23:16Larry, can you give us a second?
23:22Was it you who called the paparazzi on our first date?
23:27Yes.
23:28And was it you who put the napkin I used on eBay?
23:31No!
23:32I feel totally violated.
23:37Listen, listen, listen, I did call them on our first date, but not the other times.
23:41Why would you call them at all?
23:44Because when you asked me out, I thought you were doing it for publicity, which I totally
23:47get, but once I knew that you genuinely liked me, I realized that I felt the same.
23:53I can't do this.
23:56Nico, don't let one little mistake ruin us.
24:00What us?
24:01Us, us.
24:04Nicora!
24:05I'd like to go home now.
24:09Maybe you can get a ride home with your paparazzi friend.
24:12Come on, Nico.
24:13Come on.
24:20Oh, trouble with paradise.
24:22Nico, you and your women are gone.
24:29Yeah, the wedding is, is, um, uh, cocktail attire, four o'clock.
24:33Yeah, I think I'm busy that night.
24:35Oh, oh, no.
24:39So sad.
24:40Tonight it's just another
24:42Walk of shame.
24:44Another alibi
24:44Hope you got some comfy shoes on, Deb.
24:47I'm not gonna let you retouch these.
24:49To keep the tears from coming
24:52Coming to my heart
24:55Oh, oh, not another alibi
25:00Hey.
25:02What's going on?
25:02I've been waiting for you downstairs.
25:03You want to work up here?
25:04Sure, whatever.
25:06So, I think we should start with the opener
25:08because it's not really feeling there yet, right?
25:10What do you think?
25:14Deborah?
25:15Who are you texting?
25:17Nobody.
25:18Let me see your phone.
25:19No, that's an invasion of my privacy.
25:23Deborah?
25:24Let me see it.
25:24No, don't.
25:25Let me see it.
25:26What are you doing?
25:27Let me see it.
25:28Oh, stop it.
25:29I'm just trying for, what is wrong with you?
25:31Let me, oh, God damn it.
25:33Ah!
25:34Get to me.
25:34Oh, God, you're strong.
25:35Jesus.
25:36Ah!
25:38Shit.
25:38Oh, my God.
25:39Deborah, no.
25:40There's so much blue.
25:42You're writing him a novel.
25:43Well, Nico hadn't gotten back to me for a while,
25:45so I was just bumping.
25:46No, these texts say not delivered.
25:49Oh.
25:51Oh, well, thank God.
25:52I mean, that means he hasn't even gotten them.
25:55That's a relief.
25:56No, Deborah.
25:57It means he blocked you.
26:03What?
26:04Yeah.
26:06He blocked me.
26:08Blocked you.
26:10I'll block him right back.
26:12I'll block him straight to hell.
26:14Hey, I'm going to go downstairs.
26:15I'm going to get you a Diet Coke.
26:17I'm going to bring up my copy of Anxiously Attached,
26:19How to Be More Secure in Life and Love,
26:20and then we're going to get back to work, okay?
26:23Hey, he blocked you.
26:25He's not getting those texts.
26:26So say you.
26:27Oh, my God.
26:32How do you block back?
26:37Ah!
26:38Chill!
26:53Deborah, this is my date, Eli.
26:55Eli, this is my boss, writing partner,
26:58and housemate, Deborah.
26:59It's nice to meet you.
27:00I hope you two can hold on to what you have.
27:04I'm going to get another drink.
27:08I'm sorry.
27:09She's usually much meaner than that.
27:11Well, well, well.
27:12Does my eyes deceive me,
27:14or is my standing Sunday afternoon appointment
27:17at the Vegas wedding of the year?
27:19Hi, Joanna.
27:21Hey.
27:22You like my date?
27:23Yeah, listen, I know from experience
27:25he's only got about three or four in the tank daily,
27:27so, you know, don't wear him all the way out, sister.
27:29Hello, Mayor Pettimentee.
27:31Hello, my lovely constituents.
27:33Marilyn and Herman, this is...
27:36Ava.
27:37I work with Deborah Vance.
27:38I think we met at the town hall
27:39where Deborah argued against the city
27:41recognizing Labor Day.
27:42Of course.
27:43Yes.
27:44And this is Eli.
27:45Pleasure to meet you.
27:46And what do you do?
27:47I'm a magician.
27:48A magician illusionist.
27:50Well, he's a sex worker.
27:52Mainly.
27:53Oh.
27:53Oh, he's not a worker.
27:55He's an artist.
27:56And I prefer the term gigolo.
27:58More European.
27:59All right?
28:01All right?
28:04All right.
28:08All right.
28:10All right.
28:14All right.
28:15All right.
28:18All right.
28:21All right.
28:27All right.
28:27All right.
28:27Good relations.
28:30Stand back.
28:31All right.
28:31All right.
28:32All right.
28:33Eleanor Guillaume, you're under arrest.
28:34Victoria.
28:35What the hell?
28:36Who's Eleanor?
28:37What's going on?
28:38Miss Guillaume is one of her fraud,
28:39domestically and in France.
28:41Sorry about the timing, sir,
28:42but we had every hitter before she fled the country.
28:44You mean her honeymoon?
28:46Marty, the name was fake,
28:48but the love was real.
28:52I demand to be tried in France.
28:54We'd appreciate it if everyone would please stay at the venue.
28:56We're going to need to get some statements.
28:58Let's go.
28:59No, mais laissez-moi tranquille.
29:00C'est fini maintenant.
29:01No.
29:01No, let me, no.
29:02Let me, no.
29:03Wow.
29:04I'll be back.
29:09Yeah.
29:11And I thought the dress was criminal.
29:14Just tell him.
29:16You know.
29:22Are you kidding?
29:26No, you don't.
29:27Come on.
29:27Please.
29:28I know you're faking it.
29:29You're good at that.
29:30Hey.
29:31I was just grilling him.
29:32Seems to really like you, Raggedy Ann.
29:34I offered him $2,000 for the night,
29:36and he wouldn't take it.
29:37Oh, you should do it.
29:39Yeah, you should do it.
29:40I don't want to hold you back.
29:41No, I want to spend the night with you.
29:43Make sure the coin trick later.
29:45It's getting really tight.
29:46No, no, no, no.
29:47You should get that money.
29:49Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
29:51Listen to my Eskimo sister here.
29:53Why are you pressuring me to do sex work?
29:56Do you have an issue with my magic?
29:58Oh, I got no issue.
30:00We could do it Voldemort style.
30:03Ava?
30:03Do I have an issue with your magic?
30:05It's an interesting question.
30:06I just, I guess I just feel like you're so, so good at sex.
30:10And sex work is so important.
30:12And I guess I just feel like magic is less important.
30:18Wait, you said that you were okay with whatever I did for work.
30:22I didn't think that one of those things could be magic.
30:25I mean, come on.
30:26Don't you feel a little cringe when you're doing the tricks?
30:28Like, honestly.
30:29No, I feel a little more cringe when a stranger sticks a personalized dildo of their ex-boyfriend's dick in
30:35my mouth.
30:35Fit like a glove, as I recall.
30:38Hey, I'm not here to sex shame.
30:40No, you're just here to magic shame.
30:43This is so fucked up.
30:45Looking down on me for being a magician is just as bad as looking down on me for being a
30:49sex worker.
30:49No, it's not.
30:50Magicians aren't marginalized.
30:52The name one magician who's ever served on the Supreme Court.
30:55Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
30:57Okay, okay, listen.
30:58It's getting a little heated here.
30:59Let's relax.
31:00Let's go to my room.
31:01Have a little nightcap.
31:02You can come too if I haven't been patty.
31:04That's the gay one, right?
31:06No.
31:08We're done.
31:10And I'm done doing sex work.
31:12Hey.
31:12No.
31:13No.
31:13Don't be rash.
31:15I'm going to make it as a magician.
31:17And I'm going to prove you wrong.
31:22Supposed to be smoke.
31:24No.
31:25No.
31:26Oh, my God.
31:26Hey, hey, God.
31:31What did you do?
31:32Listen to me.
31:33It's Saturday at dusk.
31:35You got 18 hours to find me a new Sunday boy.
31:38So tick-tock, Missy.
31:40Oh, my God.
31:41Fuck, man.
31:42I'm not getting you a Sunday boy.
31:44You don't want to talk to me anymore.
31:51Come in.
31:56Hey.
31:57You okay?
32:00How could I be so stupid?
32:03Well, she was old.
32:04It was the perfect smokescreen.
32:06Yeah, they're calling what she did to be elder fraud.
32:10It's peer-to-peer fraud.
32:11Mm.
32:15I really thought she was the one.
32:17Well, her real crime.
32:22It's not realizing how wonderful you are.
32:34Deb, I know this is crazy.
32:37But what do you say we get married?
32:39The priest is still here.
32:41The caterers are ready to go.
32:42Me and you.
32:44Come on.
32:44Let's finally do it.
32:46Marty.
32:49Debra and Marie Vance, will you marry me?
32:55No.
32:58Oh, God.
33:00All right.
33:01Marty.
33:02Hi.
33:04You know how I feel about you.
33:07But you've got to stop asking people to marry you.
33:10It's a compulsion.
33:11Yeah.
33:11I guess you're right.
33:14Man, I just feel like such a loser.
33:18If it makes you feel any better, I was just dumped and blocked by an international rock star.
33:24Okay.
33:25Sounds like you've still got the date of rock star.
33:27Yeah, but I got my heart broken.
33:29I've been very sad about it.
33:31But I mean, I should actually be thrilled.
33:34I mean, what a gift to still be taking risks.
33:38Come on.
33:39We've both got our hearts broken.
33:41Aren't you glad that you're still putting yourself out there like that?
33:44I mean, a lot of people our age are just too busy collecting commemorative coins.
33:50You love falling in love.
33:54And you will again.
33:56I know it.
33:58I mean, you own multiple properties.
33:59You still have your own hair.
34:00You're chum in the water.
34:04Well, are you sure you don't want to be Mrs. Marty Vance?
34:11I'll tell you what.
34:13If we're both single, when we're 100, I'll marry you.
34:19Well, that's something to look forward to.
34:30They just don't realize that I'm all for you.
34:35I was wrong.
34:36You should do the paradiso.
34:38It is exactly what Vegas needs.
34:40I appreciate that.
34:41I really do.
34:42But you were right.
34:43My business manager looked at the numbers, and it is too big of a risk.
34:47If you don't take risks, you're as good as dead.
34:50What if we did it together?
34:52Now, I'm not trying to insert myself here.
34:54I could be as involved as you want.
34:57But I miss working with you.
34:59I miss conniving with you.
35:02We will be partners this time, totally equal.
35:05Or I could just be a silent investor.
35:07Whatever you want.
35:09What do you say?
35:11Want to?
35:15I do.
35:21What a great day.
35:29Wow.
35:30Isn't it beautiful?
35:31If you would have told me five years ago that I would be part owner of a casino, I would
35:35not have believed you.
35:36You own no part of this.
35:38You are literally just here.
35:39Yeah, but even that is crazy.
35:43Oh, wait.
35:44What?
35:45Kiki just sent me this video.
35:47She thinks it's about you.
35:51But you're a funny girl.
35:56Yeah, something's funny.
35:58Funny how you lie so easily.
36:02Ah!
36:02So I gay-ish the joke's on me.
36:07Whoa, funny girl.
36:10Wow, his fan army's really coming after you in the comments.
36:13What?
36:13Let me see.
36:15They're calling me chopped.
36:17What does that mean?
36:18I mean, am I in danger?
36:19No, no.
36:20They're just insulting your looks.
36:22What?
36:23That's even worse!
36:25I don't know, is it?
36:26I mean, people are going to want to hear your side of the story at the MSG show.
36:29It could be good for ticket sales.
36:31That's true.
36:32And if you can make art about me, I can make art about him.
36:35It's a two-way street.
36:36I need to clap back.
36:38Call Diane Warren!
36:42I'm not gonna lay down and die
36:46So fuck you and fuck your goodbye
36:51I'm the one who'll be fine
36:55And you're the one who'll be crying
36:57So take one last look
37:00Cause it's all you're gonna get
37:02You're gonna miss all this
37:04You'll regret the day you left
37:06You see
37:09You won't find no one as cool as me
37:13What I mean is I feel sorry for you
37:17You're someone that I would hate to be
37:21I'd hate to be the one losing me
37:29I'd hate to be the one losing me
37:33You're someone that I'd hate to be the one losing me
37:33I'd hate to be the one losing me
37:33I'd hate to be the one losing me
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