- 10 hours ago
The Bear Season 5 Episode 100 (special) Gary
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:28Go time.
00:29Oh, you look good.
00:32Yeah?
00:32I am proud of you.
00:34I'm proud of you.
00:35I love you.
00:36I love you so much.
00:38And I love you.
00:42And I love you.
00:50Oh, my God.
00:52Let's fucking go.
00:53Yeah.
00:54Do this.
00:56Okay, you better be home by 5.15.
01:01No problemo, babe.
01:07Yo!
01:08Stop, stop.
01:09You're gonna wake up the whole fucking neighborhood.
01:10Be fucking on time.
01:11Shit, I forgot.
01:12You're fucking kidding me.
01:13Yeah, I'm sorry.
01:14You gotta give me a sec.
01:15Motherfucker.
01:16Damn it.
01:17Fucking.
01:18Oh, yeah.
01:19There it is.
01:20There it is.
01:21You get in the fucking car.
01:23You go in that car?
01:23Get in the fucking car.
01:25Get in the car.
01:30Let's go.
01:31There's just nothing allowed yet, all right?
01:33Just...
01:34Why are you slamming that for me?
01:35Why do you have to...
01:36Just fucking shut it.
01:37You slam it?
01:38Don't say you did when you did.
01:39Michael, I did this.
01:41You guys show me again?
01:42Yeah.
01:48I hated that.
01:50How terrible is that fucking filth?
01:51I got it from fucking Go-Go's.
01:53I think it's pretty good.
01:54What is it, Hazelette?
01:54They're debit only now?
01:56What if you don't have a debit card, right?
01:58Then you're fucked if you don't have a debit card.
01:59You got the debit card.
02:00You gotta pay a fucking fee.
02:01It's like they fuck you in the ass either way.
02:02Yeah, because if they do the credit card,
02:04then they gotta pay a percentage of the credit card.
02:07I understand, but why fuck the customer?
02:08It's just for no reason.
02:12I gotta tell you, Mike,
02:13it's kind of like a little bit of a glass half-empty
02:15kind of energy you're working on for this mission.
02:19Double-O fucking suck my dick?
02:20What do you mean a mission?
02:21Yo, we're fucking transporting some goods
02:22across state lines.
02:23We're taking a fucking tape box to Gary, Indiana.
02:26Gary fucking Indiana.
02:27That's where we're going.
02:28What's in the box?
02:29Oh, it's in the fucking box.
02:30It's taped.
02:30I just said it's taped.
02:31You can tell me.
02:35All right.
02:36Fair enough.
02:36I don't need to know.
02:37You're a fucking donkey.
02:38That's what you fucking are.
02:40You don't even know what you're fucking taking.
02:41You're just fucking moving, donkey.
02:43Fucking packing your little donkey.
02:44I am a donkey.
02:45Yeah.
02:45You ever see what a donkey's packing downstairs?
02:48You ever see that donkey downstairs?
02:55What's happened?
02:56We're still here.
02:57Is that Jimmy?
02:59Mike.
02:59We're still here.
03:34What are you doing?
03:35Good.
03:36Didn't I say stay in the car?
03:38What?
03:38Man, I said stay in the car.
03:39Why can't you just stay in the fucking car?
03:41You didn't say stay in the car.
03:42You didn't hear me say stay in the car?
03:43You didn't say it.
03:44You just fucking watching me?
03:45I didn't hear you say it because you didn't say it.
03:46It's too much, Rich.
03:48Fucking dog.
03:49Huh?
03:49I'm not a fucking dog.
03:50You can't fucking tell me where to go and when to do it.
03:54Yo, look what I made last night.
03:59You made a fucking...
04:00Did you make that?
04:02Yeah, I made this.
04:03Tunes for Gary.
04:05Come on, baby.
04:06Let's do this.
04:08Oh.
04:08Oh.
04:09Oh.
04:10Gradual with the volume.
04:12I am gradual with the volume.
04:13Just turn it off.
04:14This is gradual with the volume.
04:15That's exactly what I did.
04:16I swear to God.
04:17Stop it.
04:18Stop it.
04:18Stop it.
04:18Stop it.
04:19Stop it.
04:19Stop it.
04:19Pull this fucking car over and fucking leave you here.
04:21You understand?
04:21This is not gradual with the volume.
04:25Like that.
04:27That's not what I did.
04:28I know how to...
04:29I respect the fucking car.
04:32Now I want you to respect the fucking music.
04:55good gracious.
05:00Yeah, there he is.
05:01There he is.
05:03There he is.
05:03Stop.
05:04Don't fucking touch me.
05:05Stop.
05:05Stop.
05:08Want to hear some fun facts about Gary?
05:11Can't wait.
05:12Yes, population.
05:1470,000.
05:17It is a Rust Belt Sea.
05:19It was once known as Magic Sea.
05:22It was once also known as the city of the century.
05:24The city of the century.
05:2654% female.
05:27For those of us in the car that are, you know,
05:29not married, that might be a pretty fun fact.
05:33Obviously, John Cougar Mellencamp.
05:35Michael Jackson fucking orangutan.
05:37Michael Jackson's from Gary.
05:38The old Jackson 5 for that man.
05:39He could have fucking said Tito before
05:40fucking John Cougar Mellencamp.
05:41All right.
05:43Oh shit, Coney King does a piece of puff.
05:45What?
05:46Coney King does a piece of puff.
05:47I thought that was just a Chicago thing.
05:50You're trying to tell me you're not at all excited
05:52about traveling more?
05:53Traveling?
05:54Yeah.
05:55You're not just tired of the same old, same old.
05:57This is what I'm talking about, Michael.
05:58This is a fucking mission.
05:59Jimmy's entrusting us with some more responsibility.
06:01We've got the fucking open road ahead of us.
06:03You know, there's a lot of, you know,
06:04positive things about this day.
06:07Responsibility, huh?
06:08Yeah?
06:08Yeah.
06:09Feeling respected?
06:11Yeah.
06:11Yeah.
06:12I think the time you'll come to find that this is,
06:14uh, maybe a potentially transformative day.
06:19We're having a great day.
06:20Bop down to Gary.
06:21Little bada bing, bada boom.
06:23Bop bap out here.
06:24We're fucking home by 5.15.
06:26The latest.
06:275.15, why 5.15?
06:28It's just the thing with Tiff that she's got superstition about.
06:31Superstition about what?
06:32Her mom went into labor at 5.15,
06:34and she got it in her head that she's gonna, you know,
06:36the same thing's gonna happen to her.
06:37It's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life.
06:39I can't.
06:39Why would the same thing...
06:40I know.
06:41Literally, how many minutes are in a fucking day?
06:42There's like thousands of fucking minutes in a day.
06:44Why would it happen at the same time?
06:45Michael, I'm not saying that this makes any kind of sense at all.
06:47So we need to be back by 5.15 because her fucking mother spit her out?
06:49It's a non-issue.
06:51It's a non-issue.
06:52It's a non-issue.
06:52Well, it is a fucking issue.
06:53If you're saying we gotta be back by 5.15,
06:55we'll be back by 5.15.
06:56That's why I'm saying it's a non-issue.
06:58It's not a non-issue.
07:00It's a non-issue.
07:01It's a non-issue.
07:02You rather be fucking serving beefs all day?
07:05Like an open road?
07:08Well, it's my Kansas City, baby,
07:11and I'm a no-no-no-ني-city wine.
07:16Well, I might take the train
07:18I might take the plane
07:20But if I have to walk
07:22I'm going just the same
07:24Going to Kansas City
07:27Kansas City, here I come
07:32They got some crazy little women there
07:35And I'm gonna give me one
07:37Welcome to Indiana
07:39You're a fucking world traveler, Rich. Congratulations.
07:42Let's go!
07:43Oh, yeah? You feel different?
07:47Ah, yeah!
07:57City of magic
07:59City of the century
08:02You think this happened overnight?
08:04Oh, yeah. I just flipped a switch
08:05I just flipped a switch
08:07Definitely built a switch
08:12Definitely built to a Chicago
08:19It's on a 35 minutes play
08:21I don't know what to say
08:24She'll change quick
08:28They got some crazy little women there
08:31And I'm gonna give me one
08:36They got some crazy little women there
08:46Call it, Jimmy
08:48Call it, Jimmy
08:48I'm just...
09:01Hey, hi, hon
09:02Hey, how you feeling?
09:06Uh, you know, I think I'm good
09:09What do you mean?
09:10I don't know
09:10I'm not sure how to describe it
09:12It's just like...
09:13It's like...
09:14What?
09:14It's like I feel like I have to shit really bad
09:16But I don't know
09:17I can't tell if this is what the doctor said to look out for
09:20Okay
09:22Uh...
09:22Contraction?
09:23You think it's like...
09:25Like Braxton Hicks?
09:26Uh, yeah, probably
09:27But, you know, I'll be okay
09:28It's not close to 5.15 yet, so...
09:30Yeah?
09:31Yeah, don't worry
09:31I'm okay
09:32Okay
09:33Did you do the drop off?
09:34Uh, almost
09:35Uh-huh
09:35Well, I'm proud of you
09:37I'm really proud of you
09:38How's the drive?
09:38Are you having fun?
09:39Yeah
09:39Yeah, we're having a good time
09:42And...
09:42How about Mikey?
09:43Is he okay?
09:44Yeah, he's good
09:45Okay, that's great
09:46Don't smoke any cigarettes, though, honey
09:47Promise me, right?
09:48Listen, I'm gonna call you back, okay?
09:50Just try me if you need anything, okay?
09:52I love you
09:52Okay, I love you so much
09:54What's up?
09:55What do you say?
09:56He said he let us know in a few hours
09:59And let us know
10:02What's it for?
10:03Like three? Four?
10:04But gee, I didn't say it
10:05He said it
10:08Man, how are you still killing Gary?
10:09You still feeling respected?
10:12Fuck it
10:12Fuck it
10:12It's just...
10:13I don't know
10:14Let's get something to eat
10:16I see that
10:17It's Michael Jackson's house
10:19Huh
10:20Yeah
10:22Shaboo!
10:32Lock the door
10:34Reach in there
10:38Who is he? Teddy Pendergrass?
10:39Yes
10:40Yes, we are
10:41Oh, a little teepee
10:42Yes, I love Teddy
10:43The romantic hot dog place you got here
10:48I listen to the old school music
10:50Yeah, I'm right there with you
10:51You need something
10:52Yeah
10:52And you know what they're saying
10:53What?
10:55What?
10:56Hi, welcome to Phone the King
10:58Appreciate you
10:58Well Mike, this is Alicia
10:59How are you Alicia?
11:00Nice to meet you
11:00Mike, how are you?
11:02I'll be your server, just let me know if you need anything
11:04Appreciate it
11:05I got you a lemonade
11:08Welcome
11:11You're missing out
11:11Missing out, huh?
11:13Yeah
11:13Yeah
11:14How long you worked here?
11:15I've been working here five years
11:17Five years
11:17Yeah
11:18How's business? Pretty good
11:19It's great
11:20I love it
11:21You love it, what do you love about it?
11:22I like working with people
11:23The public
11:24That's the answer right there
11:25Michael hates people
11:27Oh man
11:28I believe what he says
11:30I don't like crowds
11:31I don't hate people
11:32But I just don't like crowds
11:33You cook at home?
11:35You like the truth?
11:36Yeah, only the truth
11:37No
11:38Yeah
11:38When I leave here
11:39I don't want to go stand in front of a stove
11:41That's it, huh?
11:42Y'all cook at home?
11:44A little bit
11:45Sometimes I'll wrap some pots and pans
11:46But I don't know, not too much
11:47I don't really cook at the restaurant though, so
11:49What kind of restaurant?
11:50Similar to this
11:51Okay
11:51You cook?
11:53I do some cooking from time to time
11:55Yeah
11:55What do you do?
11:56What do I do at the restaurant?
11:57At the restaurant?
11:58Yeah, what do you do?
12:00I guess I'm a bit like
12:01I don't know how you say it
12:02Like kind of a bit of a song and dance man
12:04There you go
12:05There you go
12:05I don't know, public relations
12:07forward facing
12:08You know
12:16What do you think of the name Annie?
12:23Throw some names at me you like
12:28Timmy
12:30You call me crazy
12:31But I actually like your name Althea
12:34Althea?
12:34Althea
12:34Althea sounds like the name of like
12:36Somebody that's getting their ass kicked off
12:38Nah
12:39Althea
12:39He's strong
12:43Sounds like a nerd
12:44Nah
12:45Althea
12:46Althea
12:48I'll see you
12:49I'll see you later
12:53I'll see you around noon
12:55I'll see you
12:55I'll see you when I get back from
12:58From cultural studies
13:00I'll see you for dinner
13:04I'll see you when I see you
13:14Over the years
13:19I'm at this
13:20I met this
13:21Giva
13:21I liked once
13:23Giva
13:27Yeah
13:38Oh look at these little fuckers
13:40Oh these little fuckers are about to get it
13:43What's up, girls?
13:44Oh, we're going to fuck you.
13:46Okay.
13:46Yeah, sure.
13:48All right, you motherfuckers.
13:51You ready to get some?
13:52That's my second favorite sport right here.
13:55Hey, we got Knicks.
13:58Hey, what's the score of that game right there?
14:01What, you guys whooping and picking daisies?
14:03Let me and my boy get one of you.
14:04We run threes.
14:06Which one?
14:06All right, come on, Daffodil.
14:07You ready to win?
14:08Yeah?
14:09Come here, young butt.
14:10What's going on?
14:10I'm Mikey.
14:11I'm at St. Judea.
14:12What's up, buddy?
14:12How are you?
14:13Oh, we're going to have balls like that?
14:14Y'all want five points?
14:15What's up, Mikey?
14:16What's up?
14:16All right, let's run.
14:17I don't even need to warm up.
14:19All right, boys.
14:20Come on, Rich.
14:20Let's go.
14:21Oh, shit.
14:22It's time for a little silken suede.
14:25Y'all about to get some?
14:25Y'all want to run?
14:26You sure you don't need to stretch?
14:27You don't need to stretch?
14:27I'm about to stretch you, boy.
14:28Hold on.
14:29Let's wait for him.
14:29You ready?
14:30Yeah.
14:30Hey, good luck, youngsters.
14:33Hey, hold on, hold on.
14:34Come on.
14:36I'm here, here, here, here.
14:38I don't know.
14:39I'm sorry.
14:39Where were you?
14:40All right, play, play, play.
14:41I got things.
14:41Go out there.
14:42Stay with them.
14:43Stay in front of me.
14:43Oh, okay.
14:45Uh-oh.
14:46Ha-ha.
14:46That's going to hurt.
14:47Damn.
14:47Let's go.
14:48Yeah.
14:48It's man game.
14:49Now.
14:50It's different.
14:50Let's go.
14:51Ha-ha.
14:52You know it's the orange circle, right?
14:55It's the orange circle.
14:56You want to try to get it in that orange circle.
14:59Everyone's afraid of contact out here.
15:00Go to the back.
15:01Go to the back.
15:02That ain't happening.
15:03Don't be afraid.
15:03Come on.
15:04It won.
15:06Good for you.
15:07Mike, every dog has his day.
15:09All right.
15:09Bring it down there again.
15:10It's because I'm covering three guys, Rich.
15:12Let's go.
15:13Play ball.
15:14Ha-ha-ha.
15:15Yeah.
15:16Whoa.
15:18It's every time he's beating you in the back,
15:21the fucking door.
15:21Yo.
15:22Keep the fucking door shut.
15:23Do not let him.
15:23Do not let him get behind you.
15:25It's this.
15:26Fuck it.
15:27All right.
15:27Let's go.
15:28Nice play.
15:28Oh.
15:29Where are you going?
15:30Let's go.
15:31That's what I'm talking about.
15:33Hey, you got it.
15:33It's one.
15:33That's one.
15:34Let's go.
15:35Hey.
15:35Come on.
15:36Yep.
15:37Hit one.
15:38Come on.
15:39That's a good shot, boy.
15:40Banks fucking open.
15:41All day long.
15:42I see it.
15:42Hey.
15:43Hey.
15:43Hey.
15:44It's a shot that fucking counts, right?
15:46Let's go.
15:46Play defense, hot shot.
15:48Hit it up.
15:50Let's go.
15:56Let's go.
15:56Play ball.
15:57Check up.
15:58Check up.
15:58He's crying.
15:59I tell you what.
16:00They breed him soft out here in Indiana.
16:02It ain't the 80s, right?
16:03It ain't the 80s.
16:04It ain't the 80s.
16:06Let's go.
16:06Yeah, I don't like your ass.
16:07Did you change your diaper before the game?
16:09Like, do you just play?
16:10What?
16:10You got a swimmy on?
16:11Fuck you.
16:12You play with a swimmy on?
16:13Let's go.
16:14Next basket wins.
16:15No.
16:16Set a boat.
16:16Yes, sir.
16:17Yes, sir.
16:17Three.
16:19Yeah.
16:20Let's go.
16:20You see that scream?
16:22Yeah.
16:22I'm a fucking lion.
16:23I love it.
16:24I love you, boy.
16:25All day.
16:26Hey, good shit.
16:27Good shit, youngsters.
16:28Good shit.
16:28Look at that.
16:29Look at what he's doing.
16:30Hey, young buck, you're not so bad.
16:32You just miss a back.
16:33How do you miss a back door there?
16:34You see the back of his head?
16:35You got to cut to the back.
16:36You're not passing the ball.
16:37That's what I've been trying to tell you.
16:38You guys are fucking garbage.
16:40The Indiana guys are fucking garbage.
16:42Hey, shut your old bitch ass up.
16:44You're negative.
16:45You're negative.
16:47You know what I'm asking about to get you?
16:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
16:50Sorry, let him play.
16:51Let him play.
16:51Let him play.
16:52We love you.
16:52We love you.
16:53Yo, your fucking Nikes look like fucking moccasins.
17:11Hey, you got tall boys?
17:14No tall boys.
17:15Regular boys, like you.
17:17Yeah, funny.
17:21What do we got here?
17:23Hey, yo, yo, yo, why you creeping?
17:27Go on, give me some of that O-E.
17:29I'm going to fuck with some of that O-E.
17:32Drink your beer and get out.
17:34Okay, okay.
17:34Don't drink beer on store.
17:36Yo.
17:37I feel sorry for your mother.
17:38No!
17:39Come on.
17:40What'd you say about my mama?
17:42Sorry about my friend.
17:45Two, please.
17:47Let me get a scratch card.
17:51Crescent kick is a defensive maneuver.
17:52That's just, you know, clearing space.
17:54Just to fucking...
17:56Snap kick is for speed.
17:58Don't even see that fucker coming.
18:00But then if you need power, then, you know,
18:02it's just fucking side kick.
18:03Bah! All day.
18:04Break a fucker's knee, right?
18:05Bah!
18:06Ooh, that's it.
18:07I felt that shit.
18:08Want me to tell you what the move is, though?
18:09Yeah.
18:09Look, dude, I don't want to fight you at all.
18:11I'm just going home. That's it.
18:12Back kick!
18:13Back kick!
18:14Right?
18:15Back kick.
18:16I was getting there.
18:17Power's out!
18:17Ding dong, motherfucker!
18:19Oh, be careful there.
18:22We'll get on this.
18:23Hey, I'm so sorry about that.
18:24Boom!
18:25Fuck out!
18:25And it's like a fucking mule.
18:27Like, think about a mule like that.
18:28It's these big...
18:29You're actually generating force with, like,
18:31the big fucking muscles.
18:33Whoa!
18:33You know what I'm saying?
18:34Yeah.
18:34It's because you're already going this direction,
18:36then you come in that direction.
18:37Yeah.
18:38Even, like, the sight of it.
18:39You know what I mean?
18:40Fuck yeah.
18:50Why are we starving?
18:54Christmas custom.
18:56Ahem!
18:59Woo-hoo!
19:00Woo-hoo!
19:01Woo-hoo!
19:24Oh, yeah, sir!
19:27Oh, yeah, sir!
19:29You're fucking unbelievable, bruh.
19:30Yeah, man!
19:36We got fucking magic powers, dawg.
19:45Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:53And if you get the cat, you can't sit down.
19:57You feel like you've got to move around.
20:00I need a shot and riddle and do.
20:02With just a little rock and roll on the side.
20:06Ah, ah!
20:07Smooth one!
20:09Smooth one!
20:09When you're level by your side, then you know you're going to have a lot of pressure,
20:14don't you worry about a thing, and start to dance and sing, and chill when I come upon you.
20:19Yo.
20:23You see that sign?
20:25Huh?
20:26Cousin, you see that sign right over there?
20:28Yeah.
20:32I think...
20:34Did you see it before?
20:36What are you talking about?
20:37I'm saying there is no way.
20:41The two of us are sitting here for over an hour,
20:44and neither of us have seen that fucking sign right there.
20:48Yeah, Rich, it's a fucking sign.
20:51I think that bar just appeared.
20:54Yo, for real?
20:55Shut the fuck up.
20:56For real, though?
20:56I think that bar just fucking appeared.
20:58Michael.
20:59Okay, the bar just fucking appeared, Rich.
21:01You don't think that's crazy?
21:02It's a fucking bar.
21:05It's a sign.
21:07It's a sign.
21:09Open.
21:10That sign is a sign.
21:12That sign is a sign.
21:15We're going in there.
21:19We're not going in a fucking bar.
21:22What's the big deal?
21:23We run in a little fucking shot of rhythm and blues.
21:25We're not going in a fucking bar, Rich.
21:26Just sit down and do your fucking job.
21:28Listen to what I'm telling you, Michael.
21:29That sign is a sign.
21:30Okay, it's a fucking sign.
21:31Some things are bigger than you and me and fucking Jimmy.
21:33We are going in there.
21:34We're not going in a fucking bar.
21:35Just sit the fuck down.
21:36Man, I hate when you get like this.
21:38I fucking hate that.
21:38Stop.
21:39Don't hit the fuck.
21:39What are you doing?
21:40What are you fucking doing?
21:48Hey, Richie, get in the fucking car.
21:52Rich.
21:52Sir, can you please step out of the vehicle?
21:55Sir, please.
21:56I'm not going to ask you again.
21:57Please step out of the vehicle.
21:58License and registry.
21:59Okay, that's it.
22:00Put your vagina where I can see it.
22:02Put your vagina right where I can see it.
22:04There's fucking houses.
22:05Stop.
22:06Yo.
22:07Yo, come on.
22:08We're not going.
22:09No, come on.
22:09Let's just go.
22:10I'm not doing that fucking bar.
22:11No.
22:11Just a little shot of rhythm and blues and we come back.
22:13No, I'm not doing it.
22:14No, no.
22:14You're fucking here.
22:15You fucking do a shot of fucking cocaine.
22:18You think you can fight a fucking tiger?
22:20Come on.
22:21Stop.
22:21It's fucking terrible.
22:23What's terrible?
22:23I'm like genuinely inspired here.
22:25You're just shitting all over my fucking dreams.
22:28It's terrible.
22:30I hope you feel good about yourself right now.
22:32Why are you pressuring me?
22:34Come on.
22:35Alright, fuck you.
22:37I'm going in.
22:38I'm going in.
22:39I'm going in.
22:41Oh, shit.
22:43Yo.
22:44I'm good?
22:45How do I look?
22:46You look like a fucking barbarian.
22:47You look like my father.
22:49Alright, I'm going in.
22:50Yo.
22:54Yeah!
22:57You'll fucking see.
22:59You'll fucking see.
23:02You're gonna remember this fucking day.
23:17That's a fucking sign.
23:19That's a fucking sign.
23:24Hey, I'm just going to pick up open.
23:29Let's do it.
23:34There's no way to go.
23:35A fewé—®.
23:39You won't.
23:45How did this thing go?
23:53Thinkin' of a master plan
23:54This ain't nothin' but sweat inside my hand
23:57So I dig it to my pocket, all my money's spent
23:59So I get deeper, still comin' up for lint
24:01So I start my mission, leave my residence
24:04Thinkin' how I coulda get some debt present things
24:06I need money, I used to be a stick-up kid
24:08So I think of all the devious things I did
24:11I used to roll up, this is a hole-up
24:12Ain't nothin' funny, stop smilin'
24:14Still don't nothin' move but the money
24:15But now I learn to earn cause I'm righteous
24:18I feel great, so maybe I might
24:20Just surf for a nine to five
24:22If I slide, I'm not a singer
24:25You Mike?
24:28Yeah
24:31Is it true?
24:33What's that?
24:35You're one of the goalies for the Blackhawks?
24:40Yeah?
24:41You Bug?
24:44That's right
24:47When is that?
24:48What's the name, Bug?
24:50It's an emergency backup goalie
24:53Yeah
24:54I like never play but
24:56I'm with the squad
24:57That's cool
24:59That's cool
25:03Yeah, your buddy told us about you
25:06Yeah, I bet he did
25:08He also said, um, tell you to put your big boy pants on
25:12And join us in the bar
25:17Sounds about right
25:19Oh boy
25:20Just the messenger
25:21I got it, okay
25:22Pretty fun though
25:23Okay
25:23I think you'll like it
25:24Okay
25:24Here we come
25:42Okay, okay, okay, okay
25:43So I, one time
25:46After a night out
25:47I got a ride home
25:49But they took me to the wrong house
25:50And I was too embarrassed
25:52And I was too embarrassed to tell them
25:53That I knocked on the door of the house
25:55And convinced them to let me just come inside for a little bit
26:00That's a fact
26:01That's a fact
26:06That's a fact
26:20Okay
26:21Okay
26:23Um, my senior year
26:25Uh, I was doing pretty well in school
26:27But with fucking maths
26:29I'm with my fucking land viewing, you know
26:31So
26:31Hey, look who the cat drug is
26:33Hey, everybody
26:34You see this?
26:35Fucking great
26:38Um
26:39So my grandma, she gave me an ultimatum
26:41She was like, you gotta get a math tutor
26:44And so she told me about this lady
26:46Rock Solano
26:47Who sang in her church choir
26:48Who, she was like, uh
26:50A math professor for Cook's County Community
26:54And I was like, no fucking way, grandma
26:56I don't want to fucking do this
26:57I don't want to do the math tutor
26:58With some fucking 90-year-old
26:59Like, you know
27:00Fucking babushka
27:01Like, yeah, you know what I'm saying
27:03Like
27:04So
27:04But she was like, listen
27:05You gotta do it or you gotta move out
27:06So
27:07Come Thursday, 7.30
27:09I'm at this dude's house
27:11Right
27:11Eating his fucking mom's golden lasagne
27:13You know
27:14Okay
27:14And I realized, like
27:15I gotta be at, uh
27:17At Rock Solano
27:18This tutor's
27:19You know
27:20In like five minutes
27:20So I fucking down my cranberry juice
27:22And I fucking sprint over there
27:24Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
27:25Knock on the door
27:27And this fucking woman
27:28That opens the door
27:29I swear to God
27:29Like straight
27:30Out of
27:32Sports Illustrated
27:33Fucking swimsuit issue
27:34This is the most gorgeous woman
27:36I've ever seen
27:36Up to this point
27:38Jet black hair
27:39Long
27:40Long all the way down
27:41Just kissing kind of the top of her butt
27:42You know
27:42And we get in
27:44What?
27:45What?
27:45What?
27:46What?
27:46What?
27:47What?
27:47You guys willing to factor fix me yet
27:49Or you wanna hear more of the story?
27:50You wanna hear the story?
27:51Yeah, you wanna hear the story
27:53Okay
27:53Alright
27:53So we get in there
27:55We're talking math
27:57And all of a sudden
27:58I feel my entire insides
28:00Just turn to liquid
28:02And I gotta take a shit
28:03Like bad
28:04But I know
28:05She got one little bathroom right there
28:07This tiny thing
28:08I know if I go in there
28:09She's gonna hear everything
28:11You know
28:12And I'm just like
28:13I mean
28:13On the outside
28:14I'm cool as a cucumber
28:16You know
28:16We're talking math
28:17And on the inside
28:18I'm just like
28:19Come on asshole
28:20Don't you fucking
28:20Family now baby
28:21And somehow
28:23By the grace of God
28:25I make it through
28:26This fucking
28:27Tutor session
28:28Right?
28:29That's not helpful
28:31So I
28:32It's a pleasure to meet you
28:33I'll see you next Thursday
28:34You know
28:34Bah bah bah
28:35I get outside
28:36And I'm like
28:37Yes!
28:37I'm gonna fucking make it
28:38I start to walk
28:39Quickly back down
28:40And it just comes out
28:42That's it
28:43And it's just like
28:44That's what's happening
28:45That's what is happening
28:46And I'm just
28:47I start to pull my drawers down
28:49My pants down
28:50I look like one of those
28:52Photographs of the guys
28:53That just discovered oil
28:54You know
28:55Like stuff is gurgling
28:56I can't tell what's coming up
28:57And it's just like
28:58Some mud
29:00And shit
29:01And everywhere
29:01And
29:03And it's
29:03Like I have this
29:05Incredible feeling of relief
29:06Right?
29:07Until
29:07I see her little porch light
29:09Come on
29:09And time slows down
29:11And I see her doorknob turn
29:13And open
29:14And I look at her
29:16And she looks at me
29:17Very quickly
29:17And then she quickly
29:18Looks away
29:19And
29:20And I just fucking
29:22Take off
29:23Through the hedges
29:24And I'm just fucking running
29:25I'm just heading right back
29:27To Michael's house
29:28And I'm covered with brambles
29:29And my balls are slapping
29:30On either side
29:31And I just got like
29:32A trail
29:33Behind me
29:34And I just can't stop laughing
29:36And I'm crying
29:37With laughter
29:37Because I know
29:38In six blocks
29:38That fucking Milwaukee
29:39I'm going to be
29:40At this dude's house
29:40And I'm going to tell him
29:42This story
29:42And this motherfucker
29:43Is going to love it
29:45Factor fiction
29:49Sadly
29:50Sadly
29:50It is a bad
29:51Sadly
29:52It is a fucking
29:54Bad
29:54Oh my god
29:55I know you
29:58I'm alright
29:59I'm alright
29:59This is what's on me
30:01I subject you guys to
30:02Alright
30:03Hold on
30:03I'll be right back
30:04I'll be right back
30:14You know I know
30:16Right
30:21You know I know
30:22You're not a goalie
30:23For nothing
30:25Yes
30:26That's total bullshit
30:27Yeah
30:32What gave it away
30:37Something in your eyes
30:38Yeah
30:39Fair
30:40Fair
30:42You prefer Mike
30:44Mikey
30:45Michael
30:47It's got to be your call
30:48Yeah
30:50No preference
30:51No preference
30:53Up to the customer
30:54How about you
30:57What's your name
30:58Can you tell me
30:59Guess
31:00Guess
31:02Oh man
31:03Definitely
31:05Bridget
31:06I don't know
31:06What
31:09Oh boy
31:10Shonda
31:10Shit
31:11Shit
31:11Shit
31:12Fuck I don't know
31:13Sherry
31:13Sherry okay
31:16Sherry from Gary
31:16Oh hey
31:17That's the first time
31:17I've ever heard that
31:18Real quick
31:24You don't want to play the game
31:25Huh
31:26Yeah
31:28I don't know
31:29What that means for me
31:30I mean
31:30You
31:31Do what you want to go
31:32I don't want to go
31:35Yeah
31:38Fact or fiction
31:40Michael
31:45Ask me a question
31:47You from here
31:53I am not
31:55From Indiana
31:58I am from Portland
32:00Maine
32:01Not Oregon
32:01Okay
32:05What are you doing here
32:08Needed to start over
32:10I need to get away
32:10From someone
32:11Something
32:13Got in my 88 Honda Accord
32:15And started driving west
32:16And my car broke down
32:17Not too far from here
32:19My mom's favorite movie
32:21Was
32:2111 in the afternoon
32:22Starring
32:23Gary Cooper
32:25She always said
32:25She would name me Gary
32:26If I was a boy
32:27So I saw the sign
32:28And I was like
32:29Alright ma
32:31Stayed one night
32:32It was quiet
32:35I like a ghost town
32:36You know what I mean
32:39Capstan
32:41Work at this jazz joint
32:42Jazz joint
32:44Down on Broadway
32:45Called Dirties
32:45Dirties?
32:46Yeah
32:46I work at the bar
32:47You like it?
32:48It's great
32:51Come on
32:52What's not to like
32:53About a diving
32:54Jazz and blues
32:55Joining Gary and Deanna
33:02That is a fact
33:07Fiction
33:07No
33:07Really?
33:08Yeah
33:08Fuck
33:10Fuck
33:12Gary Cooper shit
33:13That was suspect
33:14As a motherfucker
33:15No that's real
33:15No that's real
33:16No it's not
33:17Oh fuck
33:19Tiff it's me
33:20It's Richie
33:21Wait a minute
33:22I can barely hear you
33:23Tiff it's me
33:24Richard
33:24Where are you?
33:27I'm in fucking Gary
33:28So loud there
33:29It's going so good
33:31You sound like
33:31You're in a bar
33:32Are you in a bar?
33:33We're in a bar
33:34Why are you in a bar?
33:36Cause the clients
33:37The clients from Jimmy
33:41Tiff it's going so fucking good
33:44Mikey's so smooth
33:45So fucking smooth
33:48Mikey is so smooth
33:49Mikey is so smooth
33:50We're having such a good time
33:56How are you feeling?
33:59Can do it again?
34:01Yeah?
34:02I was born and raised
34:03Right the fuck here
34:04In Gary, Indiana
34:05I lived here my whole life
34:06I love to travel
34:07I've gone everywhere
34:08But I lived here my whole life
34:10I love trains
34:11Do not put me on a boat
34:14Let's see
34:14I got two older sisters
34:16I got a different dad
34:17Who I thought was Santa Claus
34:19Until I was 11 years old
34:20I'm not shitting
34:23I had ovarian cancer
34:25When I was 22
34:28My mom was okay
34:29My dad was not
34:32I had a three-legged dog
34:34Never lucky
34:34He was a cool student
34:36And I studied to be an arborist
34:40An arborist?
34:41Yeah
34:43You got trees
34:44I do
34:44You do?
34:45Why?
34:45They're no trees
34:48Quiet
34:49Sturdy
34:50Reliable
34:50They're always there
34:51When you need them
34:53And they're pretty
34:58That's a fucking fact
35:02Maybe
35:05It's a fact
35:07Maybe, maybe not
35:08What makes you say
35:09It's a fact
35:09I mean, you're just
35:12Yeah, you're just
35:13Speaking from your heart
35:15Right?
35:21What are you looking for, Michael?
35:31Anything?
35:43There you are, Sarah
35:53You just called me Sarah
35:58I'm pretty no brain
36:01You're what you fucking
36:02Calls me
36:04Okay, so
36:05It's 3.17
36:06Right now
36:07I got enough time
36:08To be home
36:08By 5.15
36:09Right?
36:10Yeah
36:11Right, good
36:12Yeah
36:12Yeah
36:13Oh, if the train isn't running
36:16What happens with the train?
36:17You'll get caught
36:18Behind me
36:19It is
36:20Oh
36:21Jones
36:22Oh
36:23Okay
36:24Alright, thanks
36:25Leave yourself a buffer
36:27That's the kind of
36:28Whole operation
36:29You know
36:29So you like
36:30Work for him?
36:31Yeah
36:32I mean, I'm
36:33I'm self-employed
36:35Yeah
36:35Yeah
36:36So you're the boss
36:39Yeah
36:39I guess
36:39I'm boss
36:41And a lot of people depend on you
36:44I depend on a lot of people
36:47I bet you're a good leader
36:54People like
36:58People say things about me
37:01What do they say?
37:04They say that I don't finish things
37:09Dr. Fiction, Michael
37:15Do you mind if I do a pump?
37:18I thought you were going to be you
37:30Do you plan to be there for you?
37:32Yeah, yeah
37:32No, I'm going to be back
37:33We're just down here
37:33One, two
37:34Wrapping up some business
37:35And then I'll be back up there
37:37Put my catcher's bed on
37:38Ready to fucking go
37:41I can't tell you that
37:43You're like a birthday witch
37:44No, no, no
37:44I would tell you
37:45But my wife's got all
37:46She's all superstitious
37:47About a lot of this stuff
37:48And she was like
37:49She didn't want me to share
37:50We're having a girl
37:51I can tell you we're having a girl
37:52Oh, yeah, yeah
37:57You got
37:58I'm good
37:59No
38:05And there was this
38:09When I was a kid, you know
38:10My mom, she used to do this thing
38:12Where like when she was
38:14Like I'm like the perfect mixture
38:16Of like all kinds of fucking things
38:17In her system, you know
38:18It's just perfect
38:20She'd like come to my room
38:21In the middle of the night, you know
38:22And she'd like scratch my bag
38:23And she had like the longest nails
38:24And she just
38:25You know
38:26And she used to
38:26She used to walk me through my day
38:28You know
38:29Like
38:29And like the most fucking minute details
38:31You know
38:32Like describing every little fucking bit
38:33Of fabric of the fucking day
38:35You know
38:35Like what we were going to eat
38:36When we were going to wake up
38:37What I was going to wear
38:37What was going to be on the radio
38:38Like every fucking thing
38:40You know
38:40And just like
38:42It would make me feel like
38:43I don't know
38:44Like I
38:44It would just make me feel so relaxed
38:46Yeah
38:47Yeah
38:47Yeah
38:48And like no matter what was going to happen that day
38:50It didn't matter
38:51Like fucking test
38:51Or some shit bag
38:53I had to fucking deal with
38:53Like
38:54I knew that
38:55And she had planned it for me
38:56It was great
38:56And I remember
38:57There was just one time
38:58I was like
38:58Hey ma
39:01Hey ma
39:01Will you come in and tell me
39:02About my day to the morning
39:03And she was like
39:05She like got angry
39:06You know
39:06And she was like
39:07She was like
39:08Mikey
39:09The fucking difference does it make
39:10It's just a day
39:13Like
39:15I did
39:15I just didn't understand
39:16How that could be
39:18Like
39:18Like
39:19Like how I could be
39:20The same person
39:21You know
39:23That's
39:23That's so scary
39:24Yeah
39:25Yeah
39:29She shouldn't have done that
39:31I could try to her
39:32Can I sit with you
39:36Yeah I wish you would
39:41Come on in
39:41The water's fine
39:42Oh boy
39:44His first impulse
39:46Was the fucking movie
39:47You know what I'm saying
39:48You know what I'm saying
39:49The one without the narration
39:51That's the one
39:53Okay
39:54I gotta call my uncle
39:55Call him
39:56Alright
39:56Call him
39:57Let's all
39:57Everyone call their uncle
39:59Jimmy it's rich
40:00Where the fuck are you
40:01Alright
40:02Call me back
40:03I guess it's just like
40:07You know
40:08This way of seeing the world
40:09You know
40:09Like this perspective
40:10You know
40:10This lens that I've always had
40:12Like these things
40:12That just bother people
40:13And hurt people
40:14And make them frustrated
40:15Or furious
40:16You know
40:16Like to me
40:17It just
40:19I never got it
40:20Like it didn't affect me
40:21Like that
40:21No it doesn't fucking
40:22Nothing matters
40:23Nothing fucking matters
40:24Nothing fucking matters
40:25And I get that
40:26Right
40:26Yeah
40:27It's meaningless
40:27So why
40:29And when I go on that trip
40:31Like I could catch this groove
40:32You know
40:32Sometimes for like weeks
40:33At a time
40:34You know
40:35Like sometimes for months
40:35I just like
40:36This like bliss
40:37You know
40:38And yeah
40:39I know I'm like
40:40Like
40:41I'm like all fucking
40:41Like babbling and shit
40:42Like here in a fucking bathroom
40:44Like a fucking baby
40:44But I could be
40:45Like I could be a fucking blast
40:47I can be a blast
40:48Like I can share it
40:49You know
40:49And then
40:50All of a sudden
40:51Like out of nowhere
40:52Those same thoughts
40:53Like this kind of meaninglessness
40:54Of it all
40:55You know
40:58It makes me sad
40:59Yeah
41:01Nothing matters
41:01It sets you free
41:02But then
41:03Where are you
41:03Right
41:04It's the same thing
41:04You know where
41:05It's the same thing
41:06And I'm like
41:07Like so sad
41:08Like I'm fucking drowning
41:09You know
41:09My jaw feels fucking
41:10Like a million fucking pounds
41:12And I
41:12It's like
41:13I don't wanna
41:14It sounds exhausting
41:18You must be very tired
41:26I don't wanna
41:48I don't wanna
41:49To the end
41:49To the end
41:51Yeah
41:53I just
41:55gotta
41:55I just
41:59gotta
41:59Yeah
41:59I don't
42:00Yeah
42:02Too many tears
42:03For
42:04You
42:17To
42:26Mike, you in there?
42:27Yeah, Rich, I'm good, I'm good, I'm coming.
42:29All right, we gotta go.
42:31Yeah.
42:31Sorry, I'm starting to interrupt you guys.
42:33Cousin, we gotta go.
42:34Okay, we're going.
42:35Rich, don't do that.
42:36I said I'm coming.
42:37Mike, I'm serious.
42:37Okay, we're fucking going.
42:40Cousin, Jimmy said he hasn't heard from you all day.
42:43This guy is waiting.
42:45Okay, I heard you.
42:46Cousin, I'm coming.
42:47All right.
42:48Okay, I'll come back.
43:10Okay, I'll come back.
43:25Okay, I'll come back.
43:54Okay, I'll come back.
43:55Okay, I'll go back.
43:57Okay.
43:57Okay, I'll come back.
43:58fucking ronald mcdonald what's wrong no no your phone is dead huh michael come on
44:04on the phone it was a capital crime because we got this meeting here's the fire where's the fire
44:09we're going we're going okay okay hey let's hit it yo we're out of here what about my turn
44:20right it's been a pleasure to meet y'all hang on hang on hey we're in america though right last
44:25time i checked gary indiana is in the sovereign united states is it not vanessa are we not in
44:30america everybody get a turn everybody gets a turn how great are you fucking people how great is this
44:35fucking this place got fucking heart that's what i was trying to tell you it's magic this place is
44:42magic all right now we're just a pair of fucking wired and worried travelers and we fucking love
44:51it here we thank you we thank you gary fucking indiana we thank you magic magic you know i just
44:58want to take this opportunity because right now my uh my fine furry cousin right there my fucking best
45:05friend any second now he's gonna be a dad and not only that not only that not only that hey
45:14he's happy he's happy rich you're happy right now i swear this is this is the most
45:25it's it's like the most healthy and like you're you're you're full you're full and i love it he's
45:33in love you know fucker cannot wait to be a father either i mean he can't fucking he can't he
45:40can't
45:40fucking wait i mean he he's got this pride
45:46you're glowing rich
45:51you're glowing i love you it's my fucking boy i love you i love you i love you i love
45:55you so much
45:57look at him it's gonna be a dad look at him look at his fucking that's gonna be a father
46:01that
46:01that right there is gonna be a father right fucking kid's gonna end up
46:06abandoned and alone just like he was but hey shit hey at least you went into it with a good
46:10fucking mindset right kid huh i mean no no no no it's okay no i love it that's that's the
46:15thing
46:15that's the thing you got to know about rich man is that the one thing that you can absolutely
46:20fucking depend on with this fucking guy is that if he is involved he's gonna fuck it up i mean
46:25he
46:25is gonna fuck it up and everybody knows it i mean nobody says it right nobody says it because
46:30everybody's a fucking coward and a fucking liar but this isn't gonna be any fucking different i mean
46:34he's gonna fuck this he's gonna his entire life is a fucking bed that he took a shit in the
46:39middle of it he just smears it right that's what's beautiful look at him it's beautiful
46:42i just gotta fuck this up too right no no no no it's okay it's okay everybody knows it
46:47they don't say it but they look look at his eyes look at those beady little fucking eyes he knows
46:54it
46:54too that's the fucking thing he knows it too well all right what we gotta go we gotta go we
47:00got
47:00where we go where we fucking going yo we got this yeah yeah we got it you know what you
47:05gotta do
47:05you gotta get in the fucking truck and just start fucking driving just fucking bolt right just
47:10fucking you want to do that kid of yours a favor just fucking bolt just fucking hit the fucking
47:14road and do not come back you want to do him a favor right no it's fine it doesn't matter
47:19it doesn't
47:20matter it's the truth it's the truth what you're gonna be a good father is that what you gotta be
47:24huh ronald mcdonald you're gonna be a good father are you gonna be a good father it doesn't matter
47:29it doesn't matter just say it just say you're gonna fuck it up right come on you're not mad don't
47:34be
47:34mad you're not mad you're not mad you're mad are you mad you're not mad you're not mad no just
47:41stop it no no no no no stop that he's telling the fucking truth finally he's telling the
47:47fucking truth say it again you hate me you hate me rich you gotta fuck this up rich just say
47:53that
47:53we'll go say we'll go stop unless you're not lying anymore why you i love you why you doing this
48:05i love
48:06you you're a coward rich you're a fucking coward i'm a coward you're a coward i'm a coward
48:29kid's gonna hate you rich kid's gonna
48:41no no no
48:42no love
48:42mm-mm
48:43mm-mm
48:43mm-mm
48:44mm-mm
48:45mm
48:46mm
48:46mm
48:47mm
50:03Hey.
50:05What are you, Mikey?
50:11This is for Jimmy.
50:24What's in the box?
50:51What's in the box?
50:55What do, uh...
50:58What do plastic pump impellers do?
51:01They rotate.
51:11It's your own.
51:14Probably not.
51:16FedEx strikes are over.
51:33I don't know.
51:34I don't know.
51:36I don't know.
51:38I don't know.
51:42I don't know.
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