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00:25We need more cement.
00:27Where is Yvette?
00:29She's in the kitchen with your wife mixing it.
00:31Mix? Not for me, I hope.
00:34She said she would bring it down when it was ready.
00:38Yvette, why have you been so long?
00:41Well, how could I walk through the cafe carrying a bucket of cement?
00:44It is full of German officers.
00:46But this is my wife's best mixing bowl.
00:48Which is why I was able to pretend it was full of pastry.
00:52Was nobody suspicious?
00:54One of the officers put his finger in and tested it.
00:56My God! What happened?
00:58He said your wife's cooking was getting better.
01:02What are you doing?
01:03I am hiding the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies by Van Clark.
01:08Also the priceless cuckoo clock.
01:10If the Gestapo find out about them, I will be shot.
01:13If your wife finds out about you and me, you'll be shot.
01:16Look, we live in dangerous times.
01:20Maria, go upstairs and stand by the door.
01:23If anyone approaches, stamp your foot.
01:26I need ten minutes.
01:28Just to put one little brick in?
01:30The patron knows his limitations.
01:32He's not acquainted with the art of laying bricks.
01:35He's certainly acquainted with the art of laying everything else.
01:38And go to your post!
01:43Rene, my lord.
01:45Yvette, my flower.
01:47Oh!
01:48You are the most exciting man I have ever known.
01:52Let me hold you tight.
01:54No, no, my cabbage, no.
01:56It is getting hard and I must get it in.
02:03Rene! Rene!
02:04It is my wife.
02:07Rene!
02:09There are two black hand marks on the back of the blouse of Yvette.
02:12You came all the way down to the cellar to tell me that.
02:15The hand marks are the same size as your hand marks.
02:18Yes, of course they are.
02:20Well, when I hear you approach, I think it is the Gestapo
02:23and so I wipe my hands on the blouse of Yvette
02:25so they will not see I am building a wall.
02:27Oh, you think of everything.
02:29Yes, I hope so.
02:31I have a message for you.
02:33Michelle is upstairs.
02:34Michelle!
02:35From the resistance.
02:36I will come at once.
02:38Lay this brick.
02:39But I have no experience of laying bricks.
02:41Just pretend it is a German officer.
02:46You don't think she suspects us, do you?
02:48No, never.
02:50I let her think I am not interested in that kind of thing anymore.
02:53Does she believe you?
02:55She has too. I make her sleep in the wardrobe.
03:08Michelle is in the back room.
03:10Should I sing a song to distract everyone?
03:13No, we don't want to lose any more customers.
03:16You want to come with me.
03:18Psst! I want you in the back room.
03:27A little note would have been more discreet.
03:30Not you, Maria!
03:33Oh, I was wondering why I wasn't getting anywhere.
03:42Where is Michelle?
03:43I am here.
03:45Put that away.
03:46If it goes off, it could make a noise.
03:48Not to mention an hole.
03:51Who is in the cafe?
03:52Seven German officers and two sergeers from the 3rd Panzer Grenadiers.
03:56Ah, that is all right.
03:58Where are the two British Airmen?
03:59They are hiding in the room of my mother.
04:01And the four-year?
04:02He is disguised as a piano player.
04:05He plays for me when I sing for the customers.
04:07He is a very bad pianist.
04:09But when my wife sings, nobody notices.
04:13The customers stuff cheese in their ears.
04:18Gather round.
04:20Now listen very carefully.
04:21I shall say this only words.
04:23Well, in that case, could you please speak slowly?
04:27There is no time.
04:28I have information that you are to be interrogated by the Germans.
04:31What?
04:32It is from a reliable source. It is good information.
04:35Well, for me, it is the very worst information I have ever heard.
04:39Have they blown our cover?
04:41We have no cover, you silly old bat.
04:45I am a restaurant owner. You are my wife.
04:49Please do not use sophisticated expressions you do not understand.
04:53They don't suspect that we are trying to hide the British Airmen, do they?
04:57We don't know.
04:58But they are ruthless men.
05:00They may even take your wife and torture her in front of you.
05:03Oh, René.
05:04Do not worry. I will tell them nothing.
05:11On the other hand, they may just work on you to drag out of you everything you know.
05:16But I know very little except your name and the fact that we are riding a few British Airmen.
05:21And then there is the radio under the bed, and the code book, and in the cellar, the cuckoo clock,
05:27and the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies.
05:30You see, she remembers much more than I do.
05:33She is the one they should interrogate.
05:36Here, take this ring.
05:38Oh, that's very nice of you, but I don't wear jewellery.
05:41It is hollow.
05:43So, inside is a pill.
05:45If they torture you and you cannot stand the pain, crush it between your teeth.
05:49Oh, I see. It is a painkiller.
05:53You will feel nothing.
05:54For how long?
05:56Forever.
05:58Oh, my God. All I want is a quiet life.
06:02Take that and you'll have one.
06:05Look, are you sure that they will send for me?
06:10Hello, hello? Café René?
06:13It is for you.
06:18Hello?
06:20It is kind of on strong. What shall I say?
06:23Act normally.
06:31Hello, Colonel.
06:33How nice to hear your voice again.
06:36You wish to order a table?
06:38No?
06:40Well, when are you going to come to see us again, Colonel?
06:44Huh?
06:45You want me to come and see you?
06:48Oh, well, no, no, this is very difficult, Colonel.
06:50You see, I am a very busy man.
06:52I have the café and the kitchen and my wife and my bicycle has got a puncture.
06:59I... I...
07:00No. No.
07:02No, there will be no need to send an armoured car. No.
07:04I... I... Yes, bye.
07:09Quick. My walking boots and I'll have a sec. And make some sandwiches.
07:12But the German headquarters is only two minutes from here.
07:15Yes. But I am heading for the coast.
07:18Dear fool, if you disappear they will tear this place apart and we will all be shot.
07:22No. You must go to them and bluff it out.
07:26I am rapidly running out of bluff.
07:32Here, Colonel. Here, look.
07:35All we need is a pair of pliers to turn the tap and a length of rubber hose to connect
07:40this old gas poker.
07:41Then we have a nice warm fire whenever we want.
07:45Well done, Hatz.
07:46Order them right away.
07:49Herr Colonel, there is a man here to see you.
07:53Is he from the Gestapo?
07:55No, he's French. And he's very nervous.
07:57Colonel, it could be the Gestapo pretending to be French.
08:01All right, Hans. We must be very careful. What's his name?
08:05Monsieur Rene.
08:06It's Rene from the cafe. Show him in.
08:10The Colonel will see you now.
08:19Oh, Colonel, what an honor it is to be received in your wonderful commandeered office.
08:26I have taken the liberty of bringing a few simple, worthless gifts for you.
08:31A bottle of Chateau Lafitte 37.
08:33Some rather good cigars, which I was keeping until after the war was over, but as you were doing so
08:38well, I thought you might as well have them now.
08:41Some cheese, a little cognac, Napoleon, of course, and a small bottle of perfume for your assistant.
08:49Thank you very much, but I don't wear it.
08:52And not you, this assistant, this beautiful young lady, this fine example of German womanhood.
08:59Oh, thank you.
09:01Now, what can I do for you, Colonel?
09:03We just want you to answer a few questions.
09:06Will there be anything else, Colonel?
09:08Will there be anything else, Hans?
09:09Yes, Colonel, we shall require a pair of pliers and some rubber hose.
09:13Oh, no, not the pliers and the rubber hose. No, I will tell you everything I know.
09:18It is so we can get the gas poker working.
09:21Not the gas poker. I will tell you everything I don't know.
09:25Sit down, Rene.
09:28We have a serious problem.
09:30Yes, well, I don't think it's as serious as my problem.
09:33We know you have been hiding British airmen and helping them to escape.
09:37Well, I know you know that, Colonel, but may I remind you that on your behalf, I am also hiding
09:42a valuable old painting, which you hope to sell after the war.
09:461-0?
09:49Not to mention a priceless cuckoo clock.
09:522-1?
09:54No, Hans. No score.
09:56Because we're going to hand that painting to the Gestapo.
09:59And then they will leave us in peace.
10:02Because we will hand you over as well.
10:05Oh, but, Colonel, that painting was to be your pension after the war.
10:10With it, you could have bought your own little Berchtes garden in the mountains.
10:14If you hand it over, you will have nothing.
10:17And if you hand me over, well, the café will not be the same without jolly, jovial, generous Rene.
10:25The life and soul of any party.
10:29It is very sad, Rene, but there is no other course open to us.
10:33But we've enjoyed your hospitality.
10:35Yes, I had noticed.
10:38We've always regarded you as a friend.
10:40Well, I look upon you in the same way, Colonel, and the Captain, and the young lady out there with
10:46the big...
10:46We all think of her as a friend.
10:49The last thing in the world we want is for you to suffer at the hands of the Gestapo.
10:54Well, you are most considerate, Colonel.
10:56So, I am going to give you this ring.
10:59Inside is a pill.
11:01Flush it with your teeth.
11:04And in one and a half seconds, you shall be like a dead beetle.
11:09I don't think I shall ever forget your kindness, Colonel.
11:13Perhaps Rene would like to give his wife one.
11:16Well, even a Frenchman cannot think of that sort of thing at a time like this.
11:20Yeah, take it.
11:25Colonel, a little idea is running around in my brain.
11:29How would it be if we let the Gestapo find a copy of the painting?
11:33You have a copy of the painting?
11:35No, no, but perhaps one could be made by, well, let us say, a forger.
11:41You know a forger?
11:42Well, in my business you meet all sorts.
11:45Mind you, he would want paying.
11:47How much?
11:48Well, money means so very little in these hard times,
11:51but perhaps a bottle of Chateau Lafitte 37 and some cigars and a little cognac.
11:59What about the cheese?
12:01You may keep the cheese.
12:03We could use it to stuff in our ears when his wife sings in the cafe.
12:11Ladies and gentlemen, now it is cabaret time at the Cafe Rene,
12:17and tonight to sing for you we have Madame Edith.
12:23Oh, my dear friends, thank you for your welcome.
12:28Are there any requests?
12:33In that case, I will sing for you an old favourite,
12:37under the bridges of Paris.
12:38Would you apply to me with the cheese board and hurry?
12:45My darling, why I sing this song is easy to explain.
12:56Oh, Yvette, it was a nightmare.
12:58But I thought I was never going to get out of there alive.
13:03Question after question after question.
13:05Only I gave nothing away.
13:08Oh, Yvette, you are so brave.
13:11Oh.
13:11While you were there, I lit candles.
13:15You were praying for me?
13:16We had a power cut.
13:19Yvette, I never thought I was going to hold you in my arms again.
13:23Oh, Yvette.
13:26Oh, Yvette.
13:27Because the prettiest of Paris with you,
13:31I'll make your dreams come true.
13:39Is she finished?
13:42I mustn't use Gruyere again.
13:47It has too many holes.
13:52Good evening.
13:56It's Herflake.
13:57Of the Gestapo.
13:58Of the Gestapo.
13:59Would you like a table?
14:01Not in here.
14:03I have ordered a private room.
14:05Oh, Rennie has reserved it for you, Herflake.
14:08Would you come this way?
14:16Oh, you have just missed the cabaret.
14:20But never mind.
14:21Later, I will sing for you privately.
14:25That will not be necessary.
14:27Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
14:29This is our private room, Herflake.
14:32And these are the candlesticks of my mother.
14:36This is adequate.
14:45I shall require a bottle of your best wine at once.
14:48Oh, of course, Herflake.
14:52You?
14:53We'll sit there.
14:58You're so forceful and dominating.
15:01It's very exciting.
15:03Good.
15:04Good Lord.
15:07Be very careful.
15:09This is our life insurance.
15:13But maybe, on the other hand, it could be our death warrant.
15:19Monsieur Leclerc, take a look at this.
15:20Oh, it is the fallen Madonna with the big boobies.
15:26Can you do another one?
15:28Three big boobies.
15:32Can you forge another picture?
15:36Ah, ah.
15:37The signature.
15:39Yes.
15:40The painting.
15:42No.
15:43Yes, but not of paintings.
15:47What?
15:48What a flick is in the back room, okay?
15:50Ah, and England will be calling you one minute
15:52on the radio in the middle of your mother-in-law.
15:56How close to disaster we live in this world of cloak and dagger.
16:00Shall I add it again?
16:02Yes, but don't brick it up.
16:03We may need it later.
16:04The resistance may have a proper forger.
16:13Hello, Mama.
16:16What is the matter?
16:17Why are you knocking with your stick?
16:19To make you hear me.
16:21All day I am alone.
16:24No one comes to see me.
16:27What kind of a life is this for your poor mother?
16:31Guessing at the ceiling and eating onion soup.
16:38Nothing but onion soup.
16:41Do not light the candle till I open the window.
16:48Oh, so.
16:50At last you come to see your poor old frail mother-in-law.
16:56Shut up.
16:59Here is the loudspeaker.
17:04Sorry.
17:09Get the coat book.
17:10Where is it?
17:11In the water.
17:12In the water.
17:16Here we are.
17:19Stay where you are.
17:23Here it is.
17:27Hello.
17:28Hello, Nighthawk.
17:29Are you receiving me?
17:32Over.
17:33Hello, hello.
17:35This is Nighthawk.
17:36Receiving you loud and crackly.
17:39Pass your message, please.
17:42The baby will arrive a week early.
17:46Look it up in the coat book.
17:48The baby will arrive a week early.
17:51Oh, my daughter.
17:54Heaven be praised.
17:58Grandchild at last.
18:00You old fool.
18:01I have not put her in the family way.
18:04Then who has?
18:06We are just looking it up in the book.
18:11So many strangers.
18:14I feel no shame.
18:16It means the British airmen are being picked up tonight.
18:19Well, that's a week early.
18:21But I'll be glad to see the back of them.
18:23Hello, hello.
18:24Your message understood.
18:26Over and out.
18:27And things.
18:31Rene, listen very carefully.
18:34I shall say this only once.
18:36The airmen must leave immediately.
18:38Well, they cannot leave by the main entrance.
18:40It is being watched and everyone is being questioned.
18:43Then they must leave by the back.
18:44Through the window of your office.
18:46They cannot go that way.
18:47The air flick.
18:48He's having his dinner in there.
18:50Then they must leave by this window.
18:52What?
18:52We have no letter.
18:54We take the sheets from the bed and tie them together.
18:57Good idea.
18:58Oh, how incredible matter in this manner.
19:03It's very easy.
19:07Now I want to see some good, tight nuts.
19:10Yes, of course you do.
19:11Now, Michelle, before I forget, we have to make a copy of the following Madonna with the big boobies.
19:16Well, let Monsieur Leclerc do it.
19:18He cannot paint.
19:19Neither can he play the piano.
19:21The customer has blocked their ears.
19:25We are nobody.
19:26But perhaps we could send it to England to have it copied.
19:29We could send it with the two British airmen.
19:32Yvette, go and get it.
19:34Now, we must get the bed to the window and tie the sheets to it.
19:39Come on, chaps.
19:40Lend a hand.
19:41Bed to the window.
19:44Anyone inquire why?
19:45You're going out that way.
19:47And for heaven's sake, don't knock any slates off the roof of the staff over downstairs.
19:50Roger!
19:51I hope you enjoy the food and everything.
19:57Do not disturb us again.
19:59No, Herr Fleek.
20:05Helga, I think you should know that I had an ulterior motive for bringing you here.
20:10This comes as no surprise to me, Herr Fleek.
20:13We are not here just to eat and drink.
20:15It is very exciting to be with a man who knows what he wants.
20:19Of course.
20:20The way you ordered the chocolate mousse sent shivers down my spine.
20:25Why is it everybody is so frightened of me?
20:28Deep down, I'm quite a softy.
20:31Destroy my illusions, Herr Fleek.
20:34I did not wish to be in the Gestapo, you know.
20:37My godfather, Heinrich Himmler, insisted.
20:44I'm not sure about this wine.
20:48I expect the proprietor has the better bottles hidden in the cellar.
20:53I think you're right about the wine, Herr Fleek.
20:55It's made me feel very warm all over.
21:02On the other hand,
21:05now that it has had a chance to breathe,
21:08it has a very mellow aftertaste.
21:16Has he reached the ground yet?
21:18No.
21:19He's climbing back.
21:20What for the idiot?
21:23Here, I have it, the picture.
21:25How much longer must we suffer the indignities of this world?
21:32Shut up.
21:34And seats too short.
21:36Couldn't you jump?
21:37Take the foot?
21:39I'm not in the parachute brigade.
21:41What's happening?
21:41The sheets are too short.
21:43They will have to go through the front door.
21:44But they will be questioned by the Germans.
21:47The Germans?
21:50Do not mention the Germans in front of my mother.
21:53It takes so long to clear up.
21:57There is only one answer.
21:59They will have to live disguised as Germans in German uniforms.
22:02German uniforms, she said.
22:04Where do we get German uniforms?
22:07Well, can your girls not help us?
22:09Well...
22:11Yvette.
22:13Dear, sweet, innocent little Yvette.
22:16Now, you know I would not ask this of you normally.
22:19But you will be doing it for France.
22:21I will be doing it for 1,000 francs.
22:26What about Maria?
22:27She'd do it for 750.
22:31You seem to be very much on edge, Herr Flick.
22:34Well, I have had a hard day.
22:37It is not easy being hated by so many people, you know.
22:42Not when you are as sensitive as I am.
22:44I think you're bearing up very well.
22:47Not as well as you.
22:52Does this relax you more?
22:54No.
22:56But I'm enjoying it.
23:01You're actually asking us to lend you our uniform.
23:04Colonel, believe me, it is the only way to get the picture to England to have it copied.
23:09But, Colonel, if the Gestapo ever found out that we have been helping British Airmen to escape,
23:14do you not think that they would be cross?
23:19If they find out about the stolen painting, they will be cross.
23:22Look! Look.
23:25You will be upstairs with the girls and your uniforms will be quietly stolen.
23:30After a brief but very enjoyable interval, they will be returned to you.
23:35Now, what do you say, Colonel?
23:37Look, the girls are waiting.
23:46Will there be time for the flying helmet and the wet celery?
23:51I agree.
23:54I agree.
23:56What about you, Hans?
23:58Well, I am thinking about my little wife in Berlin.
24:01What about Maria and the egg whisk?
24:08I am thinking that Berlin is a very long way away.
24:16My wife is about the same size as Maria, height-wise.
24:24It is all fixed, but don't forget the boots.
24:27Boots?
24:28I shall seek stuff for boots.
24:31Their boots?
24:34Oh.
24:39Get out of your talks, chaps. Uniforms will be here any second.
24:42Oh, good show.
24:47What is happening?
24:49They are taking off their clothes, ready for their disguise.
24:52They must not remove their trousers in front of my mother.
24:59It is war, I understand.
25:06I say, look at the crumpets.
25:10Right, get cracking, chaps.
25:12Do you think we've got time?
25:14Not then.
25:15The clothes.
25:25You French people, you have some very nice jewelry.
25:32I have a trinket that is much admired.
25:36Really?
25:38Are they short to you?
25:41If you must, yes.
25:46Ah, yes.
25:48It has a picture inside.
25:50Oh.
25:51Look.
25:52Ah, yes, what lovely long blonde hair.
25:56Yes, isn't it?
25:58Unfortunately, he had to have it cut off when he joined the army.
26:08Are they ready?
26:09Well, they are dressed, but they are not very realistic.
26:16Oh, my God.
26:20Have they forgotten the painting?
26:21The what?
26:23The fallen Madonna with the big boobies.
26:26I say, chaps, have you forgotten the picture?
26:28No, we haven't.
26:29We took it out of the frame.
26:31Where is it now?
26:36Oh, for heaven's sake, try to look more German.
26:40Right there.
26:46Good night, gentlemen.
26:48Come again soon.
26:49Give my love to the Fuhrer.
26:51Heil Hitler.
26:53Heil Hitler.
26:54Heil Hitler.
26:54Heil Hitler.
26:57Well, cheerio.
27:07Hans, there go our uniforms.
27:10They promised them back in 15 minutes.
27:13That was 10 minutes ago.
27:15How quickly the war passes when you're enjoying yourself.
27:22Is that a bit the cockles?
27:25Oh.
27:28Hey!
27:28Hey!
27:31Woo!
27:35Hey!
27:44Woo!
27:55Hey!
27:57Hey!
28:41¶¶
28:55¶¶
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