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مسلسل Last Man Standing مترجم - Episode 8
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00:02Hey, guys.
00:03Hey.
00:04Wow.
00:05That smells great.
00:07Hey, soccer champ.
00:08What do you say we go outside and throw an American football
00:11around a little before dinner?
00:13Nope.
00:14Nope.
00:15Look, can I just enjoy my paper?
00:18Woo-hoo.
00:20What's wrong with Princess Leia?
00:23You know that aisle you avoid in the drugstore?
00:33Wow.
00:37That's a big day, huh?
00:41Big change, huh?
00:44Don't have to be awkward talking to me about it.
00:46You know, I've had a lot of conversations with your sisters.
00:50Get out!
00:53Good talk.
00:55I am so psyched!
00:57Mama, Travis and I just booked tickets to the new Cirque du Soleil show.
01:01Plink.
01:02Plink?
01:03Yeah.
01:03With a Q.
01:04The entire stage is a piano played by French-Canadian clowns.
01:08Oh, pardon.
01:08I mean, clowns.
01:10Wow.
01:11Did I hear clowns, pianos, and Canadians?
01:13Yeah.
01:13That's like the hat trick of misery right there.
01:17Hey, Dad.
01:18Are you sure you don't mind watching Boyd tonight?
01:20Oh, I love Boyd.
01:21Come over.
01:22Grandpa just wants to hold on to you for just a second.
01:24Honey, here you go.
01:27I have a date with Kyle.
01:29Ah, good old reliable Kyle.
01:30Can you be in by 12, please?
01:32I will not be in by 12.
01:33I am 20 years old.
01:34Do you pay rent?
01:35No.
01:36Do you live under my roof?
01:37Yes.
01:37You've been in by 12.
01:41Can you see me in the sports section?
01:43Go away.
01:50Can you fix this?
02:07Kyle, what are you doing here?
02:09What am I doing here?
02:10What are you doing here?
02:12This is not going to look good.
02:13No, look, don't panic.
02:14We didn't do anything.
02:15Still, I'm a little gun shy around your dad.
02:17Literally.
02:18He has a lot of guns.
02:21Keep your voice down.
02:22We will sneak you down the stairs.
02:24Chris, are you up?
02:25Crap!
02:26Quick!
02:26Hide in the closet.
02:28Kristen?
02:29No, no, no.
02:34Or do that.
02:37Hey, Chris.
02:38Hey, Dad.
02:39Everything all right?
02:39Yeah.
02:42I just want to let you know that Boyd was just a gem last night.
02:45Oh, great.
02:45Thanks.
02:46What did you guys do?
02:47Well, it's freezing in here, honey.
02:49Well, we ate a little bit.
02:50Read some fishing magazines.
02:52Had some scotch.
02:53Ha!
02:53You or him?
02:54The point is, he was out like a light.
02:56Say, Kyle didn't spend the night, did he?
02:59What?
03:00Why would you say that?
03:01Because he's limping across the damn lawn.
03:07I don't think that's him.
03:10Run, Kyle!
03:14Looks like we had an unwanted visitor to the house last night.
03:17Oh, honey, Eve is 13.
03:19Just simple biology.
03:22Ew, I'm not talking about that.
03:26Kyle spent the night.
03:29Does he want breakfast?
03:30Breakfast?
03:31Last time I saw him, I was limping across the front lawn.
03:34Oh, okay.
03:34All right, just calm down.
03:35Why don't you calm up?
03:36You know what my parents would have done to me if they caught me with a girl in the house?
03:39They would have escorted her out, shut the blinds, and pistol whipped me.
03:42Oh, all right.
03:43Well, let's call that Plan B.
03:44Well, we gotta do something.
03:46Honey, stop.
03:47Just stop.
03:48You can't control the world.
03:49From the mailbox to my barbecue grill, this is my domain.
03:52I mean, I can control this world.
03:53Look, I realize as a man your instinct is to take action.
03:55This isn't about being a man.
03:56Yes, it is.
03:57We have teenage daughters.
03:59One daughter in particular has a guy in her room.
04:00Pretend you're on a bomb squad.
04:01You gotta tread very lightly or else you know what's gonna happen?
04:04Kaboom!
04:05That's not the right analogy.
04:06Yes, that is the right analogy.
04:07Bomb squads don't work like that.
04:09They get a safe zone.
04:10Then they get some protection.
04:11They go in there and they try to detonate the damn thing.
04:13Oh, really?
04:14Really?
04:14That's the way you're gonna deal with this?
04:15Yes, I'm gonna go find a mattress, some goggles, get a stick, start poking people with stuff.
04:27Whatcha doing, Kyle?
04:29Just unloading these multi-channel walkie-talkies.
04:31Mm-hmm.
04:33That's quite a limp you have there, son.
04:35It's nothing.
04:36I just sort of fell.
04:38Out a window.
04:41Onto a garden gnome.
04:44Ouch.
04:46Well, every limp has a story.
04:47What's yours?
04:49Can you keep a secret?
04:50You know Denise in shipping?
04:53What about her?
04:54Exactly.
05:00Anyway, I went out with Mike's daughter last night and I sort of stayed over.
05:07Oh, I see.
05:09Does Mike know?
05:10I'm not sure.
05:11Hey, Kyle!
05:12He knows.
05:14Is Kyle down there?
05:16You see him down there, send him up here.
05:18Hey Ed.
05:21Where's Kyle?
05:22He was here a moment ago.
05:25Ed, is Mike there?
05:30He's standing right next to you, isn't he?
05:32Over.
05:35Where are you, over?
05:37Nothing happened, sir.
05:38We were just talking.
05:39It was her idea.
05:41Over.
05:44Kyle, listen to me.
05:46I'm gonna hold your arms back and Mike's gonna punch you in the face.
05:49The street rules, then it'll be over.
05:51Over.
05:54Uh, I don't want to be punched in the face.
05:56Out.
05:59This isn't over.
06:01Over.
06:03I'm gonna fire that kid.
06:05You can't fire somebody because he follows his heart.
06:07Come on now.
06:08What are you talking about?
06:08You had daughters.
06:09Did they ever have guys over for the night?
06:12We were just talking, sir.
06:14Shut up, Kyle.
06:15Over.
06:16No, no, no.
06:17No, absolutely not.
06:18I set boundaries.
06:19I call them the Ed Commandments.
06:20Ed Commandments.
06:21And the number one commandment was no shenanigans under my roof.
06:24That's it.
06:25I so get that.
06:26I mean, nobody wants to think of their little angel playing human wheelbarrow with some monster.
06:36God's sakes, Ed.
06:39The point is, you gotta lay down some ground rules so the inmates don't forget who the warden is.
06:45Are you still mad at me?
06:47Nah, I'm not still mad at you.
06:49Where are you?
06:50Loading dock.
06:51Over.
06:53Sucker.
07:01Hi, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.
07:03Hey, guys, guard yourself.
07:05It's that time of the month.
07:07That's right.
07:07Comes once a month.
07:09No big surprise to men.
07:10But women, they're always surprised.
07:12Once a month.
07:12How can they forget something that happens once a month?
07:15We remind them, they get mad.
07:17That's right.
07:17It's Outdoor Man Ammo Sale.
07:20What did you think I was talking about?
07:23You little doubles.
07:24It's all about being out of control with stuff, isn't it?
07:26The weather.
07:27We sell so much stuff around here to control the weather.
07:29GPS units.
07:30Weather stations.
07:31Rain gear.
07:32Tents that light up.
07:33What do you end up doing to protect yourself against the weather?
07:36You dress in layers.
07:38Just like some primitive guy, huh?
07:40You can't control anything.
07:42Gophers.
07:42We have gopher traps here.
07:43Ever tried to trap a gopher?
07:45You better like holes.
07:46They're just popping up going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
07:49You're in control.
07:50Nothing.
07:51Nothing.
07:51I tried to keep a big buck out of my house because I got does walking around, right?
07:56I go up there, the buck's jumping out the window because he looks at a bear.
07:59Can I control it?
08:00No.
08:01You can't control diddly squat.
08:03Nothing.
08:03You think you can control something?
08:05You probably still think grandpa's got your nose.
08:10I digress.
08:12That ammo sale is on.
08:15One month only.
08:16Period.
08:27You're staring at it, aren't you?
08:30What?
08:31The pimple I got for my stupid girl, period.
08:35I don't see any pimple.
08:36You're a filthy liar.
08:39All right, you know what?
08:40That's it.
08:40It's time for two of mommy's special pills and a chocolate milk.
08:47All right, ladies.
08:49Family meeting on the couch, okay?
08:51Oh, no.
08:52Why is he using his creepy calm voice?
08:54Beats me.
08:55He's your father.
08:56I just married him.
08:58I'm gonna have a family meeting on the couch.
09:00Dad, what's going on?
09:02I know what you're all thinking.
09:03It's been a while since we've had a family meeting.
09:05Forever.
09:06Forever.
09:08But it's coming to my attention that there's some things that got a little loose and I want
09:11to establish some rules.
09:12Rules?
09:13You didn't talk to me about rules.
09:14Just let me do this.
09:15You and I will talk about it.
09:16Just give me a minute.
09:16Listen to what I have to say.
09:17Rule number one.
09:19My computer is my computer.
09:21When I come home, I don't want to see shoes on there or gossip columns or cats dressed like
09:26old people.
09:31All right.
09:32Stop it.
09:32Stop it.
09:34Ugh.
09:35Rule number two.
09:36I don't know what it is about here in Brazeerville, but what is it about hanging bras in the bathroom
09:42like Christmas ornaments?
09:43Is there some rule against washing them where everybody else washes and stuff?
09:46I don't hang my underwear in the bathroom.
09:48That would be terrifying.
09:50And bras are not acceptable tops.
09:52A sports bra is still a bra.
09:55And because of your history, Graze, I'm going to move your curfew back to 10 o'clock.
09:58Well, starting when?
09:59Starting now.
09:59No, no, no.
10:00But me and Travis have tickets to plink.
10:01Travis and I.
10:02You're going with Travis.
10:06Nobody's going with Travis.
10:07So I'm going to be plink-less?
10:08But what about the clones?
10:09I will.
10:10What are you doing?
10:12Listen, when I finish what I'm doing, you'll know what I'm doing.
10:13Then I'll explain what I'm doing, all right?
10:16All right.
10:17The last rule's not pointed at anyone in particular, but I don't want any shenanigans in this house.
10:22Uh, what?
10:25What shenanigans?
10:26Sex.
10:26Doing it.
10:27Hey.
10:29This is all your fault, Kristen.
10:31You've ruined everything for me and Eve.
10:32Whoa.
10:33Leave me out.
10:33Get me out of it.
10:33I don't want to have shenanigans.
10:35I wouldn't worry about it, honey, with that giant zit on your face.
10:37Mom!
10:38Mom!
10:38Mike!
10:39You know, I'm a grown woman.
10:41You can't tell me what to do.
10:42You live under my roof.
10:43Yes.
10:44Do you pay rent?
10:44No, Dad, I don't pay rent.
10:45Then I have every right to tell you what to do in my house.
10:47You know, I'm getting a little tired of hearing about the roof and the rent.
10:50Then I'm getting a little tired of images of you and Kyle in a wheelbarrow digging up turnips.
10:55Mike!
10:56Thomas.
10:57Dad.
10:58Nothing happened.
10:58I don't believe you.
11:00That's it.
11:01I'm moving out.
11:02You're not moving out.
11:03You don't believe me, do you?
11:04No, I don't.
11:05Mike, Mike, Mike.
11:06Tell her she's not moving out.
11:07I just told her.
11:08Well, tell her better.
11:10And kaboom.
11:13Wow.
11:14Wow.
11:15What the heck is that?
11:26Thank you all.
11:26Meeting adjourned.
11:33Mike.
11:35Hey.
11:36I know you're upset.
11:37I'm upset too.
11:39I'm not upset.
11:40You're rotating your tires.
11:42You do that when you're upset.
11:44I'm rotating my tires to equalize tread wear.
11:48You're supposed to do it every 6,000 miles.
11:50And when was the last time you did it?
11:51About an hour ago.
11:54I would be playing catch with my youngest daughter, but she won't play catch with me.
11:58All right, look.
11:58It's not a good situation, but it could be worse.
12:01How could it be worse?
12:03We could have four daughters.
12:06Look, Kyle is a nice, normal guy, and he seems to really care about her.
12:11Right.
12:11Under that goofy exterior lies the devil.
12:14Oh.
12:14What kind of example does this set for the other girls?
12:17I mean, they look at Chris' behavior that'll set a precedent, and they're always looking
12:21for loopholes.
12:22Mike, stop.
12:23They're teenagers.
12:24They're not lawyers.
12:25Mandy?
12:25She'll be using this.
12:27Uh, per the landmark case of Kyle and Chris versus the state of decency, I'd like to have
12:31a Roman orgy up in my room.
12:33Mike.
12:34Look, like it or not, Kristen is an adult and a sexual being.
12:39Oof.
12:40You don't know that.
12:41She has a child.
12:44Maybe she caught something in a public swimming pool.
12:48She wants to have sex in this house.
12:50I'm not for it.
12:51End of story.
12:52You know that story doesn't have a happy ending.
12:54Oh.
12:54You have to use those words.
13:01Come in.
13:05Oh, hi.
13:06I can't believe you're really moving out.
13:08You've been in this house my whole life.
13:10I've never lived here without you.
13:12Oh, no.
13:13Oh, I know.
13:14Well, look.
13:14It'll be okay.
13:15Okay?
13:16I'm still your big sister, so you can't be sad.
13:17I am sad.
13:19I can't help it.
13:20I hate when things change.
13:22You know?
13:22Yeah, me too.
13:27Why are you holding paint swatches?
13:31Because.
13:32I haven't even moved out yet.
13:33I know.
13:34And I'm dreading it.
13:36But.
13:37No rush.
13:38I would really love to start priming in the morning.
13:40Unbelievable.
13:42Hey, come on.
13:42You're leaving anyway.
13:43Why can't I miss you from this larger room?
13:46In...
13:46Robin's Egg Blue?
13:47Get out!
13:50Oh, don't even think about sticking a treadmill in there.
13:55Hi.
13:56Mom, you can't talk me out of this.
13:57I wasn't going to.
13:59But I would like to hear your plan.
14:02My plan is to not live in a police state.
14:05Well, unlike, say, North Korea, we're having lasagna for dinner.
14:10We're going to Kyle's.
14:11Boyd loves Kyle's apartment.
14:13He thinks his roommates are the Wiggles.
14:17Honey, you know, your father loves you.
14:19You know that, right?
14:20Yeah, well, he has a funny way of showing it.
14:22Yeah.
14:23Well, tell me about it.
14:24For our 10th anniversary, he threw me out of a plane.
14:29Listen, what...
14:30Why don't you just stay here tonight and see how you feel in the morning?
14:33No, Mom, I can't.
14:34Kyle's expecting us.
14:41Okay.
14:42Alright.
14:44Will you just call me in the morning?
14:46Of course.
14:54I'm just so sad because...
14:55She's...
14:57She's been here my whole life.
15:08Hey.
15:09It's called knocking, Mike.
15:11I can lend you literature on the subject.
15:13Those Ed commandments went over like a lead balloon at my house.
15:17All the girls started yelling at me.
15:19Kristen moved out.
15:20Well, I'm not surprised.
15:22Caused my family nothing but heartache.
15:27For years, my daughters wouldn't speak to me.
15:30I wouldn't speak to them.
15:31It was just a big mess.
15:34Why didn't you tell me any of this?
15:36Well, I'm not a great communicator.
15:38I thought I just made that clear.
15:42Kristen moved in with Kyle.
15:44Where is that little rascal?
15:45Let me have a little conversation.
15:46Calm down.
15:46Come back.
15:47Come back.
15:48Listen.
15:49Mike, when I was Kristen's age,
15:52there was this girl who lived in the next town.
15:56Now, I used to swim across an icy lake to go see her.
16:01Now, I did this before modern wetsuits.
16:05For insulation, I would cover myself with bacon grease.
16:09You know, wolves waiting for me on land.
16:11You know, you've told me this story a number of times.
16:14You added the wolf thing, which is good.
16:16I like that.
16:17What I'm saying without saying,
16:19and you're forcing me to say now,
16:21is that maybe you've forgotten what it's like
16:23to be young and in love.
16:27What are you, a greeting card?
16:33Oh, boy.
16:34I'm tired of hiding from you.
16:36You've been walking around here like I've done something wrong.
16:38Haven't you?
16:39You come into my house.
16:40You invited me into your house.
16:41You date my daughter.
16:42You fixed us up.
16:45Kyle, your facts are starting to piss me off.
16:48I would never disrespect you or your daughter or your home.
16:52You should know that by now.
16:55Hey, how is she?
16:59She's good.
17:08And I'm in love with her.
17:11And...
17:19What are you doing here?
17:20Well, that's some greeting.
17:22Does your manager know that's how you say hello to customers?
17:24He has a general sense of it, yes.
17:28Well, Kristen, what I'd like is something that's flavorless,
17:32but yet makes me feel a little bloated.
17:35Huh.
17:35Well, you're in luck.
17:36That's all we serve.
17:38I particularly don't recommend the sushi.
17:42The sushi melt.
17:47How about just some apple pie?
17:49Okay.
17:50Please.
17:52When I was first out of college, I had to live with my parents for a while.
17:57My dad used to come into my room every morning and ask me if I made my bed.
18:0223 years old did I make my bed.
18:06Okay.
18:06Is there a point?
18:07The point is we're always our parents' kids.
18:10Yeah, but, Dad, I'm not a kid anymore.
18:12Maybe you're my kid.
18:14You know, and you and I may disagree on what's fair, but that's not going to change.
18:17And I'm never going to be okay with having shenanigans in my house.
18:24How are you and Boyd doing at Kyle's?
18:28Well, Boyd loves it because they have a trampoline where most people keep a dining room table.
18:37Why don't you come home?
18:38There, I said it.
18:40Nothing's changed.
18:42How about if I promise I'll try to treat you more like an adult and respect you?
18:48What if I try harder to earn it?
18:51No more curfew.
18:52No shenanigans.
18:54In the house.
18:59Alright, deal.
19:00Thanks.
19:02Do you have any coffee to go with this great pie?
19:05Yeah.
19:07I kind of like it.
19:08Put raisins in there.
19:10We don't put raisins in our apple pie.
19:12Huh?
19:19Honey, I'm telling you, I can hardly even see it.
19:21You sure?
19:22Please, don't touch it.
19:23I'm supposed to give an oral report first thing tomorrow morning.
19:29I mean, trust me, it's practically gone.
19:33Okay, if you're sure.
19:36Wow.
19:36When's that gonna go away?
19:40How you doing?
19:41Missed my childhood.
19:42Thanks for asking.
19:48Hey, Kyle.
19:48Hey, honey.
19:49Sweet.
19:49Happy?
19:54Well, I enjoyed our dinner.
19:57Yes.
19:58It was a wonderful day.
20:00Yes.
20:05He's a lovely young man.
20:10Why is your shirt inside out?
20:14Goodnight, Dad.
20:18Just breathe.
20:27I don't know.
20:27Can you just explain it to me again?
20:29Because I'm just really angry and confused and upset right now.
20:35And I don't get it.
20:36I want to understand.
20:37Okay, listen, please.
20:38Yeah.
20:40Kristen needs her room back.
20:48I'm still not following.
20:51I'm living in a house filled with crazy people.
20:55Yeah.
20:56What's up?
21:00Still feel like tossing a ball around?
21:03Well, I would, but it's 1130 and it's like 28 degrees outside.
21:08Well, just forget about it then!
21:15I'm gonna get out and rotate the tire.
21:17I'm gonna leave.
21:17I'm gonna get out and rotate the tire!
21:23Wanky Wanky Wanky Wanky Wanky.
21:26I'm gonna get out and take my pen and go get in.
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