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مسلسل Anger Management مترجم - Episode 2
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00:01okay i'm gonna order some drinks what can i get you anything blue or yellow on the off chance
00:08they don't have either is there another primary color i can get for you pink right back
00:15how's your day going she would like a blue drink or a yellow drink or a pink drink
00:23you want me to put it in a sippy cup
00:27on facebook she said she wasn't very good at conversation she seems bangable in a megan's
00:33law kind of a way hey she's older than she looks an axe and is hey crap hey what are
00:42you guys doing
00:43here oh we were out getting stuff to make jewelry and decided to grab something to eat
00:46are you on a date absolutely not just stopped in for a quick whiskey and windex
00:54oh good blue oh you mean a date this is daytona daytona this is my ex-wife jennifer my daughter
01:08okay i know i said it's a date but it's not a it's not a date date it's more like
01:12two ships
01:13passing in the night and one ship is headed to legoland it's okay dad you don't have to make
01:19excuses you can go out with whoever you want no i know i know i just want you to know
01:22i don't
01:23normally date women like that yes you do what what what how would you know i look at your
01:29friend's list on facebook you let her spine me like that i can't help it she changed the password
01:34and locked me out i gotta take a class or something
01:39it's okay dad you like hotties it's kind of superficial but i still love you i am not
01:45superficial i date all kinds of women so it's just a coincidence they're all hotties it is a
01:50fundamental law of human nature that good-looking people are attracted to each other i'm just a tool
01:54of evolution this is how our species gets hotter okay now that we're all here i thought everyone
02:03should know that we have a new member joining us today her name is mel and she should fit nicely
02:07with this group finally it'll be nice to have a girl in the group hey patrick why do you always
02:13take shots at lacy you seem to have a real resentment towards her she's pretty she's rich she's spoiled
02:17she's everything you want to be shut up what ed said remember patrick there's nothing more
02:26unattractive than envy i think envy's here it must be mel welcome to the group sorry i'm late i couldn't
02:36find the house and then i found it oh that's it okay uh everybody this is mel mel this is
02:45lacy
02:45nolan patrick and ed have a seat just so you know there's no pressure to talk today you can just
02:54observe if you'd like no i'd like to jump right in i like this fella doesn't mess around
03:01okay mel uh you have the floor well it all started with this guy of course it did jerks
03:08lacy i think you're coloring this with your experience her boyfriend cheated on her and she shot him
03:13nolan when lacy's ready to tell mel her story i'm sure in the balls and there it is
03:18go on well i met this guy he changed my life he gave me hope and now i'm beginning to
03:25think it
03:25was all based on a lie and i'm angry in there done that me too obama i was so upset
03:32i started to doubt
03:33myself i lost about a hundred pounds i had tons of cosmetic surgery i see why you're angry you're mad
03:39at your plastic surgeon i would sue that butcher for everything he's got guys guys guys guys can
03:46we please refrain from comments till mel is done with her story and mel try to avoid pausing between
03:51sentences anyway i lived in this little town outside beloit wisconsin and beloit had its own single a
03:57baseball team i know beloit when i was a ball player we used to play that team there was this
04:03place
04:03uh nate's nate's nate's diner that killer apple pie oh my god that's so funny i met this guy at
04:09nate's diner and he was a ball player too from the visiting team he told me i was the prettiest
04:15girl
04:15in the greater beloit area but after we made love i never heard from him again
04:22you know now that i think about it i don't think i ever played ball in beloit also i'm allergic
04:29to
04:29apples so that's weird hey i was okay with him not calling i still felt special that he picked me
04:36but then last year i heard about this superstition in baseball where if a player's in a hitting slump he
04:41tries to break it by sleeping with the ugliest girl he can find that naive small town big boned girl
04:49is called a slump buster
04:54slump buster wow this sounds like an urban legend to me like the loch ness monster and bigfoot
05:02bad analogy
05:04mel have you ever considered this guy was just hot for full-figured ladies
05:08were you charlie or was i your slump buster
05:14who didn't see that coming me up till about 30 seconds ago
05:24okay i do remember you but i was just a dumb ball player back then you didn't have to be
05:30a slump
05:30buster for me not to call you the next day you just had to be any woman i had sex
05:34with
05:35i told you i don't care that you didn't call that night changed my life in my town i was
05:41known as
05:41the girl who slept with charlie goodson and i always thought of myself as the guy who slept with mel
05:48from that town
05:50it meant everything out of all the girls in the pie eating contest that night you picked me
05:55i picked up with a hot baseball player then my cousin heard about slump busters on a sports talk show
06:01i became the joke of the town i couldn't even look at myself in the mirror yeah i understand
06:07i spent everything i had on plastic surgery and it still didn't make me feel better about myself
06:14but if you tell me i'm not your slump buster i'll believe you and i can go back home and
06:19tell
06:19everybody screw you i know better mel yes you were not my slump buster i don't believe you
06:29i would have never done something like that just to get my batting average up
06:32really because when we were making love i heard you say i better make the hall of fame for this
06:38this the hall of fame of sex
06:42i met with all the positions and and and the stuff it was one for the ages
06:47you just laid there i was in oh
06:51look look now i didn't sleep with you because you were unattractive
06:56i slept with you because because you were drunk and easy and you smelled like pie
07:02you're just trying to sweet talk your way out of this
07:05if i were i wouldn't be offering to have dinner with you
07:08really yes then when you go home you can be the girl who had dinner with charlie goodson
07:13where will you take me i i could take you anywhere
07:17but i want this to be special i'm gonna make dinner for you as a guest in my home
07:21you'd really do that i'd love to i'm a great cook is there anything you can't eat
07:26no i'm fine with pretty much everything well i can make a spaghetti
07:30oh okay i'll bring my epi pen you may have to jam it in my thigh
07:37until tonight
07:44it's funny watching you try to cook
07:47look if you're just gonna stand there drinking beer and criticizing me could you at least take
07:50off your top
07:52i've seen you handle cutlery if i take out the girls you'll chop off a finger
07:58just do me a favor and set the table toss me that box of spaghetti
08:02besides being a culinary shop why are you doing this because i feel bad i want to make amends for
08:07making her think that she was my slump buster but she was right well yeah i could never tell her
08:14that it would only confirm her worst feelings about herself so what's the plan here well i'm gonna cook
08:19her a nice dinner and that way when she goes home tomorrow she'll know that i didn't use her
08:23but you did of course she's the reason i got to the majors and had that bout of night terrors
08:32you know what i don't even know how to make spaghetti
08:34just read the instructions there are no instructions on spaghetti
08:38it's like doorknobs you're just supposed to know what to do
08:42no i think you're crazy okay this woman has had a fantasy relationship with you for the past 16 years
08:48now she's tracked you down exposed you in front of your patients and you're so busy trying to be
08:52a better guy that you are cooking dinner for a stalker she's not a stalker she's just a woman
08:58with pathologically low self-esteem obsessive fixations and a tendency toward grandiose delusions
09:05let's put the knives away maybe you should call it off and piss off my stalker now
09:13i'm just gonna get through this dinner as quickly as possible
09:16oh look i found the directions put pasta in boiling water for best results prepare while staring at boobs
09:25i'm gonna need you to stand right there
09:32so after the lipo the next surgery i had was the lap band and the first meal after that was
09:37a real mess
09:39they tell you just to have jello but i had catfish jambalaya
09:44i never knew how far vomit could go if i hadn't been in a crowded elevator i think i would
09:48have
09:48broken some kind of record
09:52wow that's like three awesome surgery stories in a row
09:56listen if you're watching your weight i can help you with that spaghetti
09:58oh no i'm just making it last i fantasized about this date for so long
10:03the food the candlelight the conversation did i tell you they took off my nipples
10:11uh no they they put them back on right
10:15are you flirting with me mr goodson
10:18no i just want to make sure you got what you paid for
10:22let me help you with that spaghetti
10:41hey hey hey what are you guys doing here
10:43sam left your backpack what are you on a date
10:46i don't think it's a date mom she looks like a regular person
10:50wait what's that supposed to mean i go out with regular people too
10:53so this is a date yes a date date yes yes
10:59wow dad i'm so proud of you
11:01well thank you thank you very much
11:03can we meet her well you know it's our first time together and you understand right jen
11:07i know i'd like to meet her come on
11:10guys this is mel mel
11:13this is my ex-wife jen and my daughter sam
11:15just so you know mel you're dating a great guy
11:18dating did your dad tell you that
11:21yeah right dad
11:22yeah i did
11:24wow i'm just so excited
11:27i know me too
11:29let's never lose this
11:31hey mom can i invite them to come over and make jewelry with us tomorrow night
11:35no no no we wouldn't want to
11:36oh no i insist
11:37of course you do
11:40i can't wait to learn all about what this is
11:44i love making jewelry
11:45i made tiaras for all my cats
11:48oh this is going to be so much fun
11:51i'm so excited i'm going to bust
11:53i just got to go use the little girls room
11:56you know to fix my face
12:01nobody
12:05good for you
12:09look before we begin
12:10i want to talk about what happened yesterday
12:13you all witness what we in therapy call a train wreck
12:18i don't want this to distract us
12:20we're just going to keep moving forward
12:21i have something important about my life i'd like to discuss
12:24thank you lacy
12:26how am i supposed to work through my issues with men being dicks
12:28while women are showing up in this group as a result of your past dickness
12:34look like all of you
12:35i've made mistakes
12:37and unfortunately yesterday one of those mistakes reared its ugly head
12:39now when i say ugly head i'm using the term as a metaphor
12:42not a description for that young lady
12:44and her ugly head
12:47so how did you deal with it
12:48i talked to her and we're working on building her self-esteem
12:51really because it says on facebook that you're dating her
12:54it's radical self-esteem therapy
12:56you guys wouldn't understand
12:59but you're dating your stalker
13:00see
13:01other people make it work
13:04how could she be my stalker if i'm dating her
13:06i mean come on
13:07think about it
13:07does it make sense
13:08does it no of course not
13:09moving on
13:11her status update says
13:12she's making jewelry with you tonight
13:14and she's hoping for a ring
13:16smile
13:17winky face
13:18oh god
13:20all right all right look
13:21look
13:22the lesson here
13:24and there are many lessons
13:27but the headline lesson is
13:28whatever you do
13:29never use a slump buster
13:32i realize this doesn't apply to everybody
13:35but for the love of god
13:38just don't
13:42so mel you never told us how you met my dad
13:44oh this is my favorite story
13:46oh let me tell
13:47you always get to tell
13:48okay
13:49it's really magical
13:50it's like out of a movie
13:53we met at a diner
13:55and she was eating a pie
13:58would you pass the red beads please
14:00don't be shy
14:02it was 16 years ago
14:04i was in a pie eating contest
14:05and your daddy was the prize
14:07wait 16 years ago
14:09that doesn't make sense
14:09my parents were still married
14:10yes we were
14:12which is why mel and i could only be friends
14:15but we had a connection
14:16that lasted all these years
14:19and now
14:20the universe has
14:21brought her back to me
14:24because ours is a
14:26a relationship that knows no
14:27constraints of
14:29time
14:29nor space
14:32that was the beads
14:33they're ready to come out of the oven
14:34mel can you help me
14:36you know charlie
14:37the whole time you've been here
14:39i haven't seen you hold mel's hand
14:41or give her a kiss or anything
14:44well you know how new couples are
14:46we don't want to gross you out
14:48she's going to the kitchen
14:50can you handle that much time and space
14:53i know i can't
15:02you taste like home
15:05you taste like spaghetti
15:07it's the garlic
15:08i sweat it
15:09and you are making me sweat
15:14hey you guys
15:14stay right where you are
15:16i want to get a picture
15:17of two of you
15:18so i can post it on
15:20everything
15:25you better get into the kitchen
15:27i think somebody's beads are burning
15:28they are now
15:34what the hell are you doing
15:35what the hell are you doing
15:36look i'm in trouble okay
15:37mel was a slump buster from beloit
15:39and now she thinks we're dating
15:40i mean it's a long story
15:41actually that's the entire story
15:43i knew it
15:44you're using that woman
15:45to make your daughter think
15:46you're not superficial
15:47i know
15:49i just need you to help me
15:49through the next hour
15:50get her back to the hotel
15:51put her on a flight tomorrow
15:52and this whole thing will be over
15:54she's happy
15:55sam's happy
15:56and you and i will have
15:57a fun little secret
15:58like at our honeymoon
15:59when you let me
16:00that never happened
16:06i'm so sorry charlie
16:07i feel so bad
16:08my tongue swells when i have
16:10an allergic reaction
16:11i completely forgot peanut m&m
16:13to have peanuts
16:15shouldn't we get you to an er or something
16:17no no
16:17i just left my epi pen in the kitchen
16:20okay but but hurry
16:21we gotta get you back to the hotel
16:24hey it looks like jan already got that photo uploaded
16:27facebook tumblr twitter flicker
16:30and the website of the american psychological association
16:34hey charlie
16:35i found it
16:36can you come stick it in me
16:45hey charlie
16:48hey wait a minute
16:49you weren't having an allergic reaction
16:50you were
16:53wow
16:54they do good work in wisconsin
17:00ooh i'm a sexy ghost
17:02boo
17:04that's not why i'm doing this
17:06this can't happen
17:07of course it can
17:10oh do you need to take a pill or something
17:13no
17:13no
17:14i i'm
17:15i'm very sorry
17:16i just thought
17:17we had a great night once
17:19and that this could be the start of something bigger and more beautiful
17:23well
17:24you just made the nice thing i'm about to say
17:26very difficult
17:29we're not really dating are we
17:32no
17:34i was your slump buster wasn't i
17:40yes
17:44you know i am very
17:45very sorry
17:47why didn't you just tell me
17:49i didn't want you to think that way about yourself because that's not how i think of you
17:52to me you'll always be that that that pie eating champion who could
17:55who could raise a naked man clean over her head
17:59i don't believe this
18:00i spent all this time and money making my body look like this
18:04and you still don't want to make love to me
18:06that would have been wrong
18:08that's the old me
18:12now what am i gonna do
18:14look at me
18:15i'm too hot to even be a slump buster
18:18no you're not
18:20okay i can't win that one
18:23look
18:24you are still the same
18:26confident
18:26amazing person you were
18:28when you thought you were just a hot one night stand
18:31but i could still lift you over my head
18:34yes
18:35yes that's the confidence that's in you no matter what i did
18:38that's not just some nibble you can take off and put back on
18:40that's forever
18:49hey you ready
18:51oh softball time right
18:53yes i am ready to go
18:55sam you're wearing your cup
18:56are we gonna do this every single time
18:58you can just say you wanted a boy
19:00actually i wanted a dog
19:01but the landlord wanted a hundred dollar deposit so here you are
19:06could you give sam and i a minute
19:08i want to clear up a few things about mel
19:09oh it's okay dad mom already told me
19:11she did
19:12yeah
19:12how you wanted a deeper more meaningful relationship
19:16and mel just wanted to sleep with you
19:21how many times it's gonna happen to me
19:26it's okay dad
19:27well come on i'm gonna be late
19:29that's my boy
19:34wow
19:35it was amazing
19:36you're welcome
19:38you know you make a much better ex-wife than you ever did a wife
19:41i figured you got the message
19:43i did
19:43hey can you do me another favor
19:44what
19:46i need you to take sam for the weekend
19:47why where are you going
19:49beloit
19:50i'm gonna walk up and down every street holding hands with mel for all of her friends to see
19:54after everything you did that's all she wants from you
19:57small town small victories
20:00by the way you can also thank me for being so cool
20:03that's the first woman i met that you slept with while you were on the road
20:07hey i slept with her for us
20:09that was to break my slump so we could make the big leagues
20:11really
20:13what about that girl diane from san diego
20:17oh that was for me
20:19a little bit for dan
20:26hello
20:34Doctor
20:36when
20:36time
20:36You
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