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00:05Richard, is there any sign of our new furniture yet, dear?
00:09Not yet.
00:10Oh.
00:12Oh, Richard.
00:15I feel it's so appropriate our owning a place like this.
00:20All we own is a small apartment.
00:23When I say small, I mean a micro.
00:27We are part owners of a mansion.
00:30That's all anyone need know.
00:32It's so lower middle class to go into details.
00:36The detail that concerns me is now that we've bought the place, how are we going to afford it?
00:42Such a good address, dear.
00:45You know, these things aren't primary with me, but there are people who go quite dizzy rubbing shoulders with the
00:50county elite.
00:52What time did they say they'd be here?
00:55About three.
00:57It's only twenty past two.
00:59Why did you come down so early?
01:02Because you told me to.
01:06Don't make it sound as though I order you about, dear.
01:10Let's go up to our apartment.
01:13You know, I'm still not sure where we ought to put the beds.
01:17In the bedroom?
01:19Don't be silly, dear. You know what I mean.
01:22Come along.
01:29What an entrance.
01:32So welcoming for all our guests.
01:35Have we got room for guests?
01:37Of course we have room, dear.
01:39I can just picture their faces when they see this staircase.
01:45Well, this staircase, yes.
01:58Why didn't they store a lift?
02:02Richard, you couldn't destroy the integrity of a house like this with a lift.
02:08Oh, I could. I could destroy the integrity of a house like this with a lift.
02:12The exercise will do you good. Now, come on.
02:22Do you realise that?
02:29We're like bats.
02:32Do stop fussing, Richard.
02:35Look, I want you to love this place.
02:38It's a part of English history.
03:00How come you never take me out to restaurants?
03:03Do take you out to restaurants.
03:05My name is Nicole.
03:07When?
03:08Took you to that Italian.
03:11What Italian?
03:13You've got spaghetti stuck in your earring.
03:18That was 30 years ago.
03:21We were on honeymoon.
03:24Well, can't you?
03:28You've never taken me since.
03:30Well, if you're going to get spaghetti stuck in your earring...
03:35I've come to a decision.
03:38I've decided to give up men.
03:43It's the third time this week.
03:47And it's only Wednesday.
03:54There.
03:55Oh, doesn't it look cosy?
03:57And small.
04:00Are you sure this is the best position for these beds?
04:03Well, of course it is, dear.
04:04I'm not so certain.
04:05I know.
04:06We'll have a little rehearsal.
04:11Richard, come back in, dear.
04:15Then you get.
04:16Oh, hi, I see.
04:17Come on, slip your shoes off.
04:25Oh, do be a little quicker, Richard.
04:31At our time of life, we should try to make the most of the days we have left.
04:39That's it.
04:40Good.
04:44Now, imagine it's the middle of the night.
04:48All right?
04:52Why don't you answer me, Richard?
04:55I'm imagining I'm asleep and can't hear you.
05:01Oh, I think I shall invite Sir Edward to Sherry.
05:06You think that's wise when we're both in bed?
05:09Oh, don't be silly, dear.
05:12We ought to start mingling with the other residents as soon as possible.
05:16We haven't got room to mingle.
05:19And as from tomorrow, I want us to start taking part in the various leisure activities.
05:25Oh.
05:26We're in the country now, Richard.
05:28It's expected of us.
05:30Oh, you mean making corn dollies.
05:32No, no, dear.
05:33Oh, dear.
05:34Fishing, shooting, hunting.
05:36Hunting.
05:41As it's our wedding anniversary, in three weeks' time on slow,
05:47I thought we might have some cocoa.
05:50Little chat before going to sleep.
06:06Rose!
06:07What is it?
06:08Do you fancy some cocoa?
06:22Richard, what's the matter?
06:23I can't sleep.
06:25Huh?
06:26I feel boxed in.
06:30This place is too small.
06:33Richard, I would ask you please to remember
06:36that our apartment in this grade two listed mansion is not small.
06:41It's old world bijou.
06:45Well, I'm going to make some old world bijou tea.
06:50Oh, why not, dear?
06:51An impromptu midnight snack.
06:55That's the beauty of having a place in the country.
06:58One can break with one's routine.
07:12Oh, where do you put the tea?
07:14Oh, it's in the cupboard there, dear.
07:17I'll get the milk.
07:22Oh, excuse me.
07:25Could you make yourself a little smaller, Richard?
07:28Look, I do believe that you're expanding deliberately.
07:33Well, there's not even room in here for a decent-sized microbe.
07:37Richard, I will not have you speak disparagingly of my compact kitchenette.
07:45These are all high-quality laminated units.
07:53The tea is not in this cupboard.
07:55The tea?
07:56Oh, no, dear, the tea's in this cupboard.
07:59You really must remember where the tea is.
08:01Well, you told me it was in this cupboard.
08:04Richard, I hope you're not going to be consistently argumentative in the country.
08:10I want this place to be a haven of relaxation.
08:17Are you finding this relaxing?
08:21Are you going left or right?
08:23Wait a minute.
08:24I don't think you're able to move at all.
08:27I don't like this level of intimacy, dear.
08:31I don't think it's natural at our age.
08:35Would you please remove yourself from my person?
08:40But when I give the word...
08:44When I give the word...
08:45You go to your left, I go to my left, and we should come unstuck, all right?
08:50One, two, three, go!
08:57Richard!
09:13Relax, mate.
09:16Now, milk this morning.
09:20She's not in.
09:22Gone away, haven't they?
09:24You've made my day.
09:33Housebird!
09:35Housebird!
09:37Good morning!
09:39Yes, isn't it?
09:41The birds are singing, and thank God only the birds are singing.
09:47Away for long, is she?
09:48No.
09:49But every minute counts.
09:56She shouldn't say things like that.
09:58Even if they're true.
09:59Well, I must admit, it is a relief.
10:02No threat of coffee.
10:03I'm as steady as a rock.
10:06I won't be long, Liz.
10:08The sun has got his hat on.
10:22Elizabeth!
10:23Elizabeth!
10:24Hi, Cynthia, dear.
10:25Speaking to you from the mansion.
10:28Good morning to you.
10:30It's a lovely day here in rural England.
10:33Especially when viewed from this very important historical building.
10:40You must come for tea and cucumber sandwiches and bring Emmett with you.
10:44Tell him I won't take no for an answer.
10:46Oh, yes.
10:47I want you both to share in my happiness and my new diminutive reproduction furniture with the genuine antique appearance.
10:56Emmett will love it.
10:57Yes, yes.
10:58We'll walk the grounds and view the lake.
11:02Tell him to wear something tweedy.
11:04You know the sort of thing.
11:06Country but smart.
11:08Richard looks quite the squire already.
11:13The old crooked squire.
11:18Yes, yes, Hyacinth.
11:20I mean, it'll be wonderful to come down and see you, but I'm not sure if Emmett is free.
11:25Yes, Hyacinth.
11:26I know he's very fond of you, but...
11:30Yes, I'm sure he will.
11:33Yes, Hyacinth.
11:34Yes, I have a tweed costume.
11:37And my country brogues.
11:39Right, yes.
11:41See you at 3.30.
11:43Thank you, Hyacinth.
11:47How am I going to tell Emmett?
11:55I've invited Elizabeth and Emmett to cucumber sandwiches and my country cream tea.
12:01What?
12:02Er, today?
12:04Well, later this afternoon, dear.
12:06We have the whole morning to ourselves.
12:09Richard, why do you keep standing like that?
12:13I have to stand like this.
12:14If I don't stand like this, I don't fit the damn place.
12:17You'll feel much better when you get a little country air inside you.
12:21Keep in your field.
12:32I bought you the magazine you like.
12:36I just had Hyacinth on the phone.
12:38Perfect.
12:40Hyacinth on the phone somewhere out there in the country.
12:44Oh, how wonderful.
12:49It's Hyacinth next door, I can't stand.
12:52I love the thought of Hyacinth being somewhere remote in the country.
12:56Maybe it has to be this country, but still.
12:59We're invited for tea and cucumber sandwiches.
13:05You didn't say yes.
13:07She said wear something tweedy.
13:09Country, but smart.
13:22Richard, don't you love being in the country?
13:25What I love is being dressed in my normal clothes.
13:29Now, look, dear.
13:30If we're going to mingle with the county set, we have to look the part.
13:34So pull yourself together, dear.
13:36Let's go.
13:43Keep it up, Richard.
13:45Come along.
13:46I feel as if my legs are stuck in two drain pipes.
13:51You look very smart, dear.
13:53I shall take a photograph of Sheridan.
13:56Not on a horse.
13:57I can't wear these and a horse.
14:00The beauty of my little scheme, Richard, is that we don't actually have to ride.
14:08We simply look as if we're going to ride.
14:11That's all that's necessary.
14:13That's very devious.
14:15But I can't tell you how relieved I am.
14:25I need some fresh air.
14:27Wide open, no-holds-barred country air.
14:30Yes.
14:31Should just be the power of good.
14:32If we have to face higher sins later,
14:35I'm going to need to blow the cobwebs away.
14:42Just smell that fresh air.
14:44Smells more like a draft to me.
14:47Huh?
14:49Oh, isn't that Elizabeth's car?
14:51Yes, it is the very early.
14:54Stop, Richard.
14:55Stop.
14:56Oh, look.
14:57There's High-Synth and Richard.
14:59Keep driving.
15:00Keep driving.
15:01They've seen us.
15:05She's in riding gear.
15:07Don't you know she can ride?
15:09I bet she can't.
15:11Pull into their lay-by.
15:12I want a closer look at this.
15:18Going riding, Harrison?
15:20Huh?
15:24Yes.
15:25Nothing morning for it, isn't it?
15:27I'll tell you what.
15:31Why don't we all go together?
15:52Emmett, you are wicked.
15:54Yes, I know.
15:56Isn't it delicious?
15:58Why not just tell them that we can't ride?
16:01I don't know that I can't ride.
16:03I've never tried.
16:06There's every possibility that I might ride beautifully.
16:10The clothes fit.
16:19Off you go, Emmett.
16:20We'll catch you up later.
16:22No, no, no.
16:22I'll wait.
16:24We'll go together, Harrison.
16:25That's what friends are for.
16:29Right, then.
16:29I'll go round the corner and mount.
16:31Why round the corner?
16:32I always think modesty requires a lady to mount alone.
16:38Accepting the presence of her husband.
16:47Emmett, stop it.
16:49Now, listen, horse.
16:50Now, listen, horse.
16:51I'm not a person to be trifled with.
16:53Pitchers, come and help me up, dear.
16:58Now, I need your support, dear.
17:01Ali, Ali, Ali, Ali.
17:03Ali, Ali.
17:23I'll just tell you, breathe it.
17:31I'll just tell you, breathe it.
17:32How much longer are they going to be?
17:38Oh, so far, so good.
17:42How does one start it?
17:45I think you click your tongue or something.
17:47Hmm?
17:53Oh, this is ridiculous.
18:04I actually left the brake on, Harrison.
18:13In films, when they want to get a horse going, they slap it on the rump.
18:18Well, try that, dear, but gently.
18:20Remember, I'm not Roy Rogers.
18:25Hurry up, Hyacinth.
18:26You've only got the horses for an hour.
18:28Tally-ho, we're just coming.
18:31Try a bit harder, dear.
18:59I've asked a few people to drop in.
19:02It's you that's been doing the dropping in.
19:06See our guests into the lounge, will you, Richard, whilst I change Elizabeth.
19:12Oh, he's up the stairs and on the left.
19:14They mustn't catch me here looking like this.
19:17Make them comfy, dear.
19:20Mind your heads, you two.
19:26Oh, it's really quite...
19:28Small.
19:30Enchanting.
19:31Make yourselves comfortable, but stay alert.
19:35Yes.
19:36Ah-ha.
19:37No, not this end.
19:38I bet Hyacinth sits that end.
19:41Oh!
19:42Ouch!
19:43See what I mean about staying alert?
19:45Are you all right?
19:47Yes, I'm fine.
19:48Don't worry, Richard.
19:51Excuse me, I'd better see what that noise is, but...
19:54Will you help yourselves to a drink?
19:55Oh!
19:58What's the matter?
19:59I can't open the bedroom door.
20:00Why, is it locked?
20:01Well, it can't be locked here.
20:02There isn't a key.
20:04Ah.
20:04Well...
20:06Ah!
20:06Well, it's stuck.
20:07Well, I know it's stuck.
20:09Oh, do something, Richard.
20:10I've got to get in the bedroom and get changed.
20:14Oh, guests already?
20:16They mustn't find me like this.
20:17Where are you going, dear?
20:19Well, there's people at the door.
20:21What?
20:22No, don't open the door.
20:24I'm not dressed for receiving.
20:26Well, I...
20:27Oh, I know.
20:29The cloakroom.
20:30You're going to hide in the cloakroom?
20:32Well, it's not a question of hiding, dear.
20:34It's a question of always creating the right impression.
20:39Give me a hand, will you?
20:40Give me a hand.
20:43You know, I've no idea that spending time in the country would be so invigorating.
20:48Well, I'm nearly there, dear.
20:50Let them in.
20:53No, don't let them in.
20:55I can't close the door.
21:00Help me.
21:01Yes, yes.
21:05That's it.
21:08Show them into the lounge.
21:10No, no, no, no.
21:11Not the lounge.
21:12No, I shouldn't.
21:13Hiacinth, no.
21:14Not to show people into the lounge.
21:15Not for a moment.
21:16Why, have I not?
21:17I'm afraid I've spilt my lemonade.
21:19Oh, Alyssa, boss.
21:21On my new cottage suite.
21:23No.
21:24No.
21:24On Emmett.
21:25Oh, Emmett.
21:26Oh, well, accidents will happen.
21:29Yeah, yeah, but there's more.
21:32More?
21:33Well, you see, I'm afraid it was icy cold and it startled him and he jumped up.
21:37Well, that's quite natural.
21:38What's the matter with that?
21:40Well, I think you'd better come and have a look.
21:53Don't neglect our guests, Richard.
21:55Oh, I wouldn't dream of it.
22:06Oh, no, I want.
22:07No, no, no, no.
22:09He can't.
22:10There's a sharp piece sticking in his neck.
22:19There's a bit of a problem in the lounge.
22:21So, for the moment, would you mind making yourselves home and in the kitchen?
22:25No, no, no, no.
22:38What's happening?
22:40I sense it's organizing something.
22:43Oh.
22:49Oh, come on, Emmett. I'm working on your rescue.
22:54I am calm, Harrison.
22:57Under the circumstances, I think I'm being exceptionally calm.
23:02Richard's looking for a sharp knife to cut you free.
23:07For heaven's sake, be careful.
23:11If you'll excuse me a moment, I'll go and attend to your lower half.
23:26Good back, Jiffy.
23:31Hello, come in.
23:32How do you do? Your wife invited me up to see your new home.
23:36Yes, yes. Why don't we go and take a look at the kitchen?
23:40It's actually on the right.
23:50I couldn't find a knife. Will this do?
23:53How many people have you invited?
23:55Just a handful, Dad.
23:56Well, we've already got our hands full.
24:01Also, why do you always go slowly when we're visiting our hyacinth?
24:06Somehow, the thought of your hyacinth exerts a breaking force.
24:10I know what he means.
24:12Whenever I'm on the brink of letting myself go, I get this vision of our hyacinth.
24:17Have you not read of that Mr Murchison yet?
24:20Him?
24:20Don't speak to me about him.
24:23He was completely without scruple.
24:25What can you make of a man who gives away his own wife's jewellery?
24:28What happened to it?
24:30As soon as we finished, he asked me for it back.
24:33That's one thing that Uncle's ever done.
24:35Given my jewellery away.
24:38He's never bought me any in the first place.
24:43Keeps life simple.
24:45Hands up.
24:46Anybody who really wants to grow up to be somebody obsessed with possessions.
24:59Oh, you can always tell when a person's musical.
25:08I'll be back in a jiffy.
25:14Oh, hello.
25:15Hello, Richard.
25:16Hello, Richard.
25:17Hello, Richard.
25:19Welcome to utter chaos.
25:24Listen, if you're busy, we'll...
25:28We're in the kitchen.
25:29It's up the stairs and to the right.
25:31We'll have Father in the car.
25:33He couldn't make the stairs.
25:35I don't think he'd have made the first plant.
25:38Oh, there you are, Emmett.
25:41Now, please don't go up there again.
25:45If you'll excuse me, I'll go and see to my guests.
25:51Lord!
25:53How is this dark home?
25:57Elizabeth!
25:58Will you telephone the emergency services?
26:01Oh, yes!
26:02Yes!
26:03Yes!