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TV, Movie, Allo Allo S9E05 - A Fishy Sendoff
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TVTranscript
00:24You find me in the mortuary of Monsieur Alphonse the undertaker posing for a
00:28statue of me the hero of the resistance with any luck it will not be long before the Germans are
00:34defeated Michelle of the resistance has photographed their plans for the defense of
00:38France and today we are taking the microfilm to England please please how can I chisel away at
00:45your chin when you keep talking bear with me Monsieur Alphonse I have nearly finished this
00:52afternoon we are going to the coast on a float which we have entered in the annual fishmongers
00:57parade at nightfall we will launch the float and sail to England with the microfilm now if you
01:03think that this is a rather madcap plan you would be wrong it is totally insane the heroes must make
01:12sacrifices for France
01:13you have knocked off my nose oh don't worry I'll stick it back later how much longer must I pose
01:30for this
01:30masterpiece don't distract me huh I'm going to start work on your apron oh which is a very very
01:40delicate operation my chisel is stuck in the sandstone
02:03what are you doing what I'm trying to pull this out a smaller tool is required what are you doing
02:13here
02:13Michelle asked to meet us earlier oh my your statue is coming along very nicely
02:20how lifelike it is even without the nose oh it reminds me a lot of you Rene
02:28this year Alphonse has captured your heroic posture so well
02:32yeah it is walking loose hold the statue while I pull
02:41I hope Michelangelo did not have this problem with the statue of David
02:46one two three one two three got it
02:50oh oh now I've recovered my composure I want you to listen very carefully I shall say this only
02:58anywhere else for the fishmongers parade are at the cafe we are all ready to go except for one
03:05thing what is that Rene you will have to ask the colonel and lieutenant Gruber for passes to the
03:10coast and what if they refuse use your charm Rene the lieutenant will respond to it that is what
03:19worries me monsieur Alphonse are these the wooden planks I asked for those are the ones are good
03:25what here is the nose excuse me while I stick it back on yeah you will all have to help
03:30me get these
03:30to the float but what are they for Michelle to build a ramp you have sort of everything I always
03:37do
03:44oh Rene now the nose is back on your statue it looks most impressive oh I must see the nose
03:57not quite as impressive as it was and they worried Gruber this crackpot plan of the generals
04:04to assassinate Hitler would get us all killed yes it is rather hazardous blowing him up with an
04:11exploding picture frame we will tell him where to stuff his crackpot plan general von Klinkhofen
04:21hi Hitler hi Hitler Lieutenant Gruber has something to tell you general
04:30well what is it
04:34may I say you look absolutely charming in that beautiful
04:40it suits you general your crawly comments have been noted now the preparations for my plan are nearly
04:47complete I do not wish to discuss the details here in case the room is bugged I assure you general
04:53this office is secure no one would dare to eavesdrop on us cannot be too careful color now I have
05:01booked a
05:02round of golf this morning people discuss the details over you know what in the open air a
05:08vice precaution general you both play I hope when I last played around with a couple of fellows on my
05:14tank training course I can believe that and you corner I haven't played for a while do you have a
05:24handicap yes I haven't got any clubs by the way if anything should go wrong with a plan it would
05:36be
05:36unvised to be taken alive oh dear I have had a suicide pill implanted in one of my back teeth
05:43however
05:44there's not time to have similar pills implanted in your teeth what a pity we were terribly keen so I
05:53bought you these instead what are they suicide teeth what do we do with them you wear them if anything
06:07goes wrong with the plan crunch your teeth together and the deadly liquid will be released from the false
06:12set I'll give them a tentative trial later no put them in now you must see how they feel how
06:24do they feel
06:25you can say that again on second thoughts only put them in in emergency
06:44mind the stuff they're mine spill them around with hot coffee that should loosen them in the meantime we must
06:57keep up appearances
07:07hey guys here to see you have leak ah Helga good morning I was just trying on my new boots
07:17how strange the boots seem too big for you normally it's the other way around
07:23they have secret compartments in the soles to hide the remainder of my 10 million francs when we leg it
07:30to south america to escape the allies
07:45it would take a long time to get to south america in those
07:53what's that jingling noise nine million in notes and the rest is in loose chains
07:59hey hey Flick general von klinkerhofen is plotting something this morning on the golf course there he
08:05cannot be overheard that is most interesting Helga fortunately two years ago I took the precaution of
08:12bugging the general's golf bag for just this kind of eventuality he has bugs everywhere I'm not surprised
08:21bring me my special receiving golf bag von smallhausen also my plus fours yes
08:32you will accompany me to the golf course Helga where you will play with me
08:39give me one good reason why I should do this
08:44that's a good reason may I kiss you of course cover your face with my plus fours von smallhausen
08:56stand there and close your eyes
09:10that was wonderful hair flick may I do anything else for you well I could do with a hand to
09:16get
09:16it up right so what else is new
09:31good
09:32they're over there have look
09:36good tune in the receiver on my golf bag von smallhausen
09:47I cannot find the wavelength Sir Fleek
09:51then adjust the direction of the microphone you dunderhead
09:55yes sir Fleek
10:12good shot Gruber you are the green I have some Herr Fleek good let us listen in on them
10:29how many more hours of daylight are there Gruber
10:33about ten or so general
10:36let's hope it is enough
10:38they are moving off the team now Herr Fleek
10:41we will follow them and play around so as not to arouse suspicion
10:46bring the bags von smallhausen
10:52ah here is my ball
10:56I could have sworn you hit yours into the trees general
11:00must have bounced back
11:07oh damn
11:09vonky green
11:17I think I'll put a bit of side spin on this one
11:33oh dear I am sorry general
11:38I can't find it must have gone down a rabbit hole
11:42clubs useless
11:44I give up
11:47now is a good moment to discuss the plan
11:50the framed painting of the full Madonna is all ready
11:53we go to Berlin on the afternoon train and deliver it to the Fuhr
11:59but general how do we detonate the explosive in the frame without getting caught
12:05with these
12:09but these are yo-yos
12:12there is a little switch on the side
12:15in the off position there are ordinary yo-yos
12:18I press the switch
12:20a tiny dynamo inside the yo-yo is activated
12:25when I go like this
12:28the dynamo produces an electric beam
12:31which will detonate the explosives at up to 20 meters
12:34what do you think
12:36well it's different
12:38when we get in to see the Fuhrer
12:40we will wait until he is examining the portrait
12:42then we will get out our yo-yos and yo-yo them up and down
12:46with luck the Fuhrer will be blown up
12:50we will now have a practice yo-yo
13:00what have they been saying
13:02von Smallhausen
13:03they are taking the painting of the fallen Madonna by train to Berlin this afternoon
13:09they will play with their yo-yos and blow up the Fuhrer
13:14already my cunning mind is devising a way of recovering the painting
13:19and getting the general and the others arrested
13:23nothing must stop us now
13:25keep a very low profile until we get on that train to Berlin
13:29what does my special gestapo manual say i should do helga
13:33select one of your balls and put it on the tee
13:38remove my balls
13:43is this normal for caddy
13:46you will find them in my ball compartment
13:49oh yes allow me
14:00what's next
14:02hit it with the head of your driver
14:10the driver is your big club
14:18read on
14:20stand with legs apart
14:22head down
14:23arms stiff
14:24hips loose
14:25knees bent
14:26and keep your face open
14:30does it say anything about hitting the ball
14:34you will swing the club to two o'clock
14:36then hit it
14:38i cannot wait that long
14:39i will hit it now
14:47ah good morning colonel lieutenant
14:49renee how nice to see you
14:53how rosy your cheeks are
14:56thank you lieutenant i have been running
14:58i am sorry to interrupt but i would like a word please
15:01what is it renee
15:02Nuvion is entering a float in the annual fishmongers parade to the coast this afternoon
15:07we need your signed passes colonel to leave the district
15:10can't it wait
15:11we are leaving very soon
15:13colonel this might be our opportunity to get out of you know who's you know what
15:21you mean
15:23well could we not go with renee to the coast we would miss the train that way
15:30good idea
15:32renee we will give you the passes if you will take us with you on the float
15:37ah well we we have a couple of spare costumes but we will come to the cafe after lunch
15:44are you getting anything else von smallhausen not very clearly herrfleek
15:50then put the microphone up higher
15:55stay and watch for a bit renee you might learn something
16:02absolute silence
16:09okay please i'll have to send to you lieutenant i had better get back to the cafe
16:22stand clear of the flute if you please
16:25where is everybody they are in the kiffi
16:29i thought my spear uniform was at the dry cluners
16:36i've been waiting to escort the flute to the coast are we ready i'm all tanked up
16:42did renee get permission to leave from the germans he has the exit pisses with him
16:54i will announce you win by win
16:58a big haunt please for madame finnie and monsieur lecloc in full kiskew
17:14as you see madame finnie is a prune and monsieur lecloc is an octopus
17:23next the two watresses moo moo and devout as sirens of the sioux
17:40and new a rind of a pluse for madame edith and ronnie as venus and the dun and neptune the
17:50gid of the sioux
18:02and last but not loosed a couple of cribs
18:12never thought i would end the war dressed as a crab on a fish float it is rather ignominious
18:29what is going on here
18:37colonel lieutenant gorber what the devil are you doing on this float get down advance
18:44stand to attention
18:46explain these costumes i'm the king crab i suppose you are the queen crab
18:54i know i said to keep it no profile but this is ridiculous
18:57where are your uniforms in the cafe general well call over and put them back on then meet me at
19:04the
19:04station the berlin train leaves in half an hour yes general
19:25and now everyone when it leaves you will all give our fishmongers float the traditional rousing
19:33novion center oh how lovely they will cheer and showers with kids in appreciation of our efforts
19:56i have inclined to agree with them
19:59i have inclined to agree with that package
20:26i have inclined to agree with that package
20:29Porter, over here. Now is our chance to inspect their luggage, von Smallhausen.
20:35They will never see through our cunning disguises. Follow me.
20:45You have your UU's? In our trouser pockets, General.
20:53Put our bags on the Berlin Express.
20:59Come, we leave in five minutes.
21:04This package in the brown paper is clearly the painting of the fallen Madonna von Smallhausen.
21:11It will steal it before the train leaves.
21:15A masterstroke, Herr Flick.
21:17Of course.
21:36This the Thatcher case is ticky.
21:41That must be the bomb to blow up Hitler.
21:45We will tip off the station guards and get the General and the other two arrested.
22:01What's the rest of our luggage and the guards, van?
22:03Yes, General.
22:18Three minutes to go.
22:20You remembered your suicide teeth, I hope.
22:23Yes, General.
22:25Best put them in until we're safely away.
22:28Sorry.
22:30I'm rather nervous.
22:33What happens if we are caught before the train leaves?
22:36Pull yourself together, Gruber.
22:38There's absolutely nothing to worry about.
22:41I wish I had his teeth.
22:48I have the painting, von Smallhausen.
22:50Well done, Herr Flick.
22:51And now for the others.
22:58I am Herr Flick of the Gestapo.
23:02General von Klinkerhofen, Colonel von Strom and Lieutenant Gruber are on the Berlin train.
23:08They have with them an attache case containing a bomb to blow up the Fuhrer.
23:13I order you to arrest them immediately.
23:15Yes, Herr Flick.
23:19Come, von Smallhausen.
23:21Let us examine our prize in the men's room.
23:31Yes?
23:32We have reason to believe you are carrying a bomb, General.
23:36Do not be ridiculous.
23:38Hand over your attache case.
23:40How dare you?
23:41Do you know who I am?
23:49It is ticking.
23:50Why is that?
23:51Because it merely contains my driving alarm clock.
23:58As you see, there is no bomb.
24:02What is this?
24:04It's a yo-yo, of course.
24:07It looks suspicious to me.
24:08It has a switch on the side.
24:10That is merely so it lights up.
24:12It's just a toy.
24:13Give it to me!
24:15Nicely good.
24:17Good.
24:17Bye!
24:21Oh!
24:22Oh!
24:26Anyway.
24:37Ocket comme le VPN mais le фильм solide et les environments ne se terminet,
24:41un hornaire libre als le casal.
24:41Allez, c'est bon.
24:43Un horario.
24:43Tout à même segundos.
24:54why have we stopped here michelle this is where we rendezvous with the other floats
24:59for the parades down to the sea help me down ernest i am dying to go to saloon
25:14the way you are going to go funny
25:17like a public convenience over there it is i am just going to spend a frank
25:30you cannot park here this is a military zone move off at once everyone back on the float
25:37edith where is your mother she went for a tinkle in that country convenience over there
25:47god that is not a public convenience that is a cross-channel gun
25:54ernest ernest i cannot see the chain
25:58she's there above you it is that thick rope just give it a tug
26:12who fired the big gun now look what your mother has done
26:16why could she not go behind a bush like a normal person
26:25my god it is the firing squad
26:28the invasion has started the pontiche are coming what look renee there are dozens of ships on the sea
26:36it is the allies at last
26:40we are commandeering all vehicles for our retreat from the coast including this lorry
26:52hey you cannot take that says who
26:59on the tracks
27:10what are we going to do now we are going to commandeer this tandem
27:14all right just get your hair sorted yes right quick back to newville mind you do not catch your
27:21winkle in the chain you will be the first to know if i do
27:29uh
27:33uh
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