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TV, Movie, Lost in Space (1965) S3E21 - Space Beauty
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00:0410 o'clock and all is well, 10 o'clock and all is well.
00:13Evening Major West, 10 o'clock and all is well, sir.
00:19One minute past 10 and all is well, one minute past 10 and all is well.
00:30We'll see you soon.
00:40Bolt, who goes there?
00:42Ed, sir, who goes?
00:44Where are you?
00:45Speak.
00:46Where are you?
00:47Who are you?
00:48What are you?
00:50I see you there.
00:58Oh, no, not now.
01:01What a time for the power to go out.
01:05Even the reserve circuit.
01:07I wonder if the robot...
01:41That one...
01:44No, not that one.
02:02That one...
02:04No, not that one.
02:07Don, is that you?
02:10What happened to the lights?
02:14Don?
02:17I thought I heard voices, but it's so dark.
02:21Oh, well, Don will get the lights fixed in the morning.
02:23Go back to sleep.
02:33Is that one a possibility?
02:36Yes, that one is a definite possibility.
02:52That one, no?
03:09That's terrible.
03:09Just all of these things.
03:21¶¶
03:52¶¶
03:54Good morning.
03:57Don, what happened to you?
04:00I, uh, I bumped my head on the floor last night.
04:04You what?
04:05Well, you know, the power went out, and I guess I tripped in the dark.
04:08When I came upstairs this morning, there was our, um, brave leader lying flat on the floor.
04:13I didn't hear any alarms or anything. What do you suppose happened?
04:17Search me.
04:17But nothing crossed our radar net. It must have just been a cosmic electrical disturbance.
04:22Hmm, the robot short-circuited at the same time, but he's all right now.
04:25Don, I got it working!
04:32If you can give me a hand, we can get it going. There's some rain clouds up there.
04:38The rain makers. Why don't you put on some feathers and do a little dance?
04:42This is nothing to kid about. The drought's getting worse.
04:44Water, water everywhere, and not a drop of strength.
04:47Look, you two, if you have nothing better to do, why don't you check out the radar site?
04:50All right.
04:55Will you stop that fearful din? Why can't you shoot at those moon clouds at night?
05:00Trampling with the weather. Indeed.
05:02Never have I seen such a ridiculous, childish experiment.
05:06Suppose you hit something up there, a lonely, high-flying bird, or a poor, innocent traveller in space.
05:19Hold it, Will!
05:25Look out! I hear it! The whole sky is falling!
05:31You all right?
05:34What happened?
05:36I don't know.
05:38It got so dark.
05:43Are you the only life-forms on this planet?
05:45Because if you are, you simply won't do at all.
05:49I heard that voice before someplace. So have I.
05:53You what? What's that, you say?
05:57Farnum. You're Mr. Farnum.
06:00The great Farnum Bee, showman of the cosmos.
06:04Oh, what a delightful surprise.
06:07Oh, Judy, the fair Judy.
06:10And Penny, my child, how are you?
06:12Oh, uh, imagine finding you two on this planet.
06:16Well, it's a small universe.
06:17Yes, isn't it?
06:23Be careful of that thing, blockhead.
06:25Oh, put it down.
06:27You have work to do.
06:28It's a girl and a humanoid.
06:31Humanoid?
06:32Oh, don't be ridiculous.
06:35She's nothing but my agent.
06:37Hi, kids.
06:38I'm Nancy Pye Squared.
06:40How do you do, Miss Squared?
06:41Yes, and you'll be cubed if you don't hustle us up some talent.
06:44Our backer said to investigate this planet, so go investigate.
06:49Go, go, go, go.
06:50Your backer?
06:51Hmm.
06:51I wonder what he expects us to find on this planet, Mr. Farnum.
06:55You know, the message was so urgent last night.
06:57There must be some, oh, very special type creature here.
07:01Don't you think so?
07:02Oh, of course.
07:04Hundreds of them.
07:06Go bring them in. Sign them up.
07:07Sign them all up.
07:08Well, get me contestants, stupid.
07:11I can't very well put on a show without contestants now, can I?
07:13Hmm?
07:13Go on, go.
07:17Show?
07:19Contestants?
07:20Yes.
07:21The most colossally, stupendous show in all outer space.
07:27My dears, at last your old friend Farnumby has struck a bitch.
07:30Hit the big time.
07:32Landed in the main tent.
07:33In the center spotlight.
07:36Oh, speaking of light, what did you do to all of ours?
07:39Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry.
07:52How'd you do that?
07:55Merely a clever little device provided by my backer in the event that any of our contestants
07:59should prove to be light sensitive.
08:01Oh, I would love to stay and chat with you girls, but as you know, the show must go on.
08:06But, Mr. Farnum, what kind of show?
08:08You never told us.
08:09Well, I'll have you know that I, the great Farnumby, once proprietor of a lowly zoo, am
08:15now master impresario of all feminine pulchritude, producer of the one and only beauty pageant
08:22in all these heavens.
08:23A beauty pageant?
08:25Yes, to select the most beautiful female life form there is.
08:30Miss Galaxy, isn't that exciting?
08:33Yes.
08:34What a pity neither one of you qualifies.
08:37Oh, well.
08:41Come on, Dr. Smith.
08:43This is the way Judy and Penny said he went.
08:45Good riddance to him, I must say.
08:47Really, William, I have no interest at all in visiting a fraud like Farnum.
08:50Never trust anyone in show business.
08:52That is my rule.
08:54He has obviously come here to borrow from us or to steal.
09:01What's that?
09:02Good heavens.
09:03That, my boy, is Miss Outer Teutonium.
09:06Isn't she charming?
09:08Mr. Farnum.
09:09Well, well.
09:11Oh, you young rascal, you.
09:14It's good to see you, boy.
09:16Here, have an ice cream cone.
09:18Thanks.
09:19Well, Mr. Farnum, I see you're back.
09:23And you, sir.
09:24I suppose you've come to borrow my champagne and steal my caviar.
09:33Well, sir, neither a borrower nor a stealer be.
09:37A howsomever.
09:41Domestic.
09:42Well, that's the best I could do on such short notice.
09:45Mr. Farnum, what an unusual looking lady.
09:49Friend of yours.
09:50Hmm, business acquaintance, you might say.
09:54I see.
09:55To what, may I ask, do we owe the rather dubious pleasure of your reappearance here among us?
10:01Come along with me.
10:05Come along.
10:07Come along.
10:07Come along.
10:14Ta-da!
10:20There, Dr. Smith.
10:21Does that answer your question?
10:23Yes, it does.
10:25Boy, running a beauty pageant must be good business.
10:27The secret of being a great showman, like me, is in having a backer who has scads and scads of
10:34money.
10:35Oh, I quite agree.
10:36Well, who is your backer?
10:38I mean, who's paying for all this?
10:39Why, a lover of beauty, of course.
10:42Tell me, have you noticed that new dark planet that's been floating around, that strange shadowy one?
10:48As a matter of fact, my dad's kind of worried about it.
10:51And so am I.
10:53Everyone is.
10:55They don't even know who lives up there.
10:57But they are obviously the most powerful creatures in all the heavens.
11:03Well, let me tell you that my backer, my sponsor, you might say, is none other than the supreme and
11:11deadly dictator of that entire world.
11:14And he's quite rich, you said?
11:16Hmm.
11:18What's he like?
11:19What is he?
11:20Who knows?
11:21My agent got me this job by radio.
11:23Oh, well.
11:24Come along.
11:25I'd like you to meet some of our lovely semifinalists.
11:31This is Miss Moonfloss.
11:33And Miss Inner Platminium.
11:35How do you do?
11:36Oh, Miss K-14.
11:39She has many unusual qualities, as you can plainly see.
11:42Yes.
11:42How do you do, Maria?
11:43You know, thank you.
11:47Boss, Mr. Barnum.
11:49I've got a possibility here.
11:52One, only one?
11:54What's the matter with you?
11:55There's not very much growing on this planet.
11:58Careful, she's very shy.
12:00Oh.
12:02You've got her photograph already.
12:04And she's signed the contract, too.
12:07Oh, welcome.
12:09Welcome, my child.
12:11Now, if you'll all excuse me a moment.
12:17I am Dr. Zachary Smith.
12:19I'm Nancy Pye Squared.
12:20How do you do?
12:21And this is?
12:22Miss Fishtail.
12:23Miss Fishtail, you look charming, my dear.
12:25I hope that you will win.
12:32Mr. Barnum, wait.
12:34I don't get it, sir.
12:36What's the matter?
12:37Don't you think that any of the contestants out there are beautiful enough to be Miss Galaxy?
12:40No.
12:41I mean, I don't want to seem rude, but...
12:44Beauty, my boy, is in the eye of the beholder.
12:47Now, if you were a fish, would you think that a lady grizzly bear was beautiful?
12:53Of course not.
12:55Is he a fish?
12:57Oh, I told you.
12:58I haven't the slightest idea what his highness is.
13:01He could be any conceivable life form.
13:03And I haven't the slightest idea what he'll think is beautiful, either.
13:07I don't even think that he knows what he likes.
13:09Boy, that can make it tough.
13:11Oh, no, not really.
13:13You see, his advance men pick out a likely planet, and I sign up the contestants.
13:17All I have to do is to collect one of everything, don't you see?
13:21Then I'm bound to produce a winner that he'll like.
13:24But that could take years and years.
13:27Come here, I'll show you.
13:30Fortunately, the female of every species enjoys having her picture taken.
13:35Now, I merely put her photograph in here.
13:39And then, her contract.
13:41You see, each eager little contestant must sign a contract naturally.
13:45The dictator's most insistent on that.
13:49There.
13:50Now, watch.
13:51Watch over here.
13:52For every photograph I put in that machine, I get paid.
13:57Look, look.
14:02Squandros, my boy.
14:03One thousand squandros.
14:05Gold coins.
14:06Good anywhere in the heavens.
14:09Oh, did never a producer have such a deal.
14:11Such a sucker for a sponsor.
14:15Oh!
14:19Now, he's even accepted her at the semi-finalist.
14:22Oh, this is my lucky day.
14:25Now, I can leave this planet and move on.
14:29Ha, ha, ha.
14:31Sir, sir?
14:33Get out here.
14:34I've shown you too much already.
14:35Run, run, boy!
14:38What are you doing here?
14:40How dare you interrupt?
14:41You have violated our agreement.
14:44I've signed another contestant, haven't I?
14:46I've come to the planet you told me about, haven't I?
14:48You are wasting time, Farnum.
14:52Get out of here!
14:53My contract is with your master, not with you.
14:56I won't allow you to intimidate me.
14:58You sought to leave this planet before you had completed your assigned mission.
15:02You are wrong.
15:04Ha, ha, ha.
15:05I just signed a charming young thing.
15:07Oh, wait till you see her.
15:09Such lovely iridescent scales.
15:11But there are others here.
15:14Oh, just some secondary life forms and a few tiresome humanoids.
15:18Yes.
15:18Yes, the humanoids.
15:20Who could possibly be interested in them?
15:22All pink and soft and utterly useless.
15:26The pale-haired female humanoid must be signed.
15:29Aren't you, dear?
15:31That's impossible.
15:32I refuse.
15:33I'm an independent artist.
15:35I won't stand for this sort of treatment.
15:38You'll have to speak to my agent.
15:40I refuse to discuss it further.
15:44No dictator can pull me around like a puppet on a string.
15:49Help!
15:50Help!
15:52Somebody!
15:53Something!
15:55Help!
15:57It's about time, fine agent you are.
15:59Get those hideous creatures out of here!
16:02Take it easy, boss.
16:04I'll see if I can negotiate.
16:06Do something.
16:07Get me down!
16:08Just leave it to Nancy.
16:11Okay, boys, what's the trouble?
16:13His time is up.
16:14We have given him commands from our mysterious master.
16:18Commands?
16:19Farnum must deliver today or else.
16:23Oh!
16:24They've gone!
16:25Glorioski, they've gone!
16:27Those presumptuous monsters!
16:28What did they tell you?
16:30Deliver what?
16:31How dare they try to intimidate me!
16:34The deal's off!
16:35I'll break the contract!
16:36You, uh, can't break the contract.
16:38And why not?
16:39Well, to get you all that money, I...
16:42Well, I had to give him some little concession.
16:45What little concession?
16:47Well, I...
16:49I...
16:50I sold him your soul.
16:52You sold him my soul?
16:57Oh, now they want me to sign jury, too.
17:01I guess that's it.
17:02Or else.
17:03Or else.
17:04Or else what?
17:07Oh!
17:07Ah!
17:08Ah!
17:09Oh!
17:10Ah!
17:10Stop!
17:12Oh!
17:13Ah!
17:13Oh!
17:14Stop!
17:14Ah!
17:18Oh, stop!
17:19Oh!
17:19All right, Your Highness.
17:20Anything you say.
17:21Anything at all.
17:22I'll do it.
17:22I'll do it.
17:23Only please, let me down.
17:24Stop the fire.
17:25Put it out.
17:26Oh, please.
17:28Oh!
17:33Oh!
17:37Oh!
17:38Oh!
17:39Oh!
17:39Well, here it is, boss.
17:40Clause 15.
17:41Yeah.
17:42Help me up.
17:43Oh!
17:44What are you babbling about?
17:46Where it says you've sold your soul.
17:48This is your contract, boss, with his mysterious highness.
17:51Oh, who bothers to eat contracts, anyway?
17:53Besides, his emissaries now tell me that he wants Judy as a contestant, too.
17:57And you told me that his highness didn't like humanoids.
18:01I guess I was wrong, that's all.
18:03You see, I put my picture in the machine, and it rejected it, so I guess it's just me they
18:07don't think it's pretty enough to be a contestant.
18:09I quite agree.
18:11Here.
18:11What else does this thing say?
18:13And why Judy?
18:15Do they want her soul, too?
18:19Of course.
18:21Mine not to question why.
18:24Mine but to cheat and lie.
18:29I hear you, dark master.
18:32My soul is yours.
18:34Who cares about Judy Robinson, anyhow?
18:39I'll sign her up, myself.
18:42I hear, and I'll obey.
18:47What if I don't want to be in the beauty pageant?
18:50But you have to be.
18:52I mean, well, every girl would like to be Miss Galaxy, wouldn't she?
18:56Of course you would.
18:57And all you have to do is sign your name right there on the dotted line.
19:00But this morning, you said she wasn't even qualified.
19:04I did.
19:05Well, now my mind's been changed.
19:08I was blind, stupid.
19:10And just think of it, the idol of the heavens, your name in lights.
19:15Judy Robinson, Judy Robinson.
19:16Just sign right here.
19:17Oh, what does this silly paper say, anyway?
19:19Oh, never mind about that.
19:20You can read it later.
19:22Sign now, read later.
19:23I don't know how I could, but the print's so small.
19:26Ten million squandros.
19:28That's what the winner will receive.
19:29Ten million squandros.
19:31That's all you need to know, sign right here.
19:34I'm sorry, Mr. Farnham, but my answer is still no.
19:37Oh, Judy, please.
19:40Pretty please.
19:41It's just not my style.
19:43I don't want to be in anybody's beauty pageant.
19:45And that's all there is to it.
19:48Come on, Penny, let's fix lunch.
19:57What's going on here, may I ask?
19:59Have you nothing better to do than to waste your time in idle stargazing?
20:03No, sir.
20:04That's the planet where Mr. Farnham's backer, the mysterious dictator, lives.
20:08Now, I figure that if we can get enough data on it from the spectrum telescope,
20:13then maybe the robot can figure out what life form could exist there.
20:16Then that will tell us what he is.
20:18And once we know that...
20:19I have no interest in alien life forms,
20:21be they here, there, or wheresoever.
20:24Dr. Smith, don't you see?
20:26That'll tell us what he thinks is beautiful.
20:28And then we'll know what life form will win the contest.
20:31William, I am deeply shocked that you would aid and abet that dreadful Farnham
20:35in his fraudulent schemes.
20:37Well, why not?
20:38Do you think for a moment he would share his ill-gotten squandros with you?
20:41Oh, no.
20:42Not even a proper thank you would you get for your Baines.
20:49Robot, I've got the readings.
20:53I don't see a thing.
20:55There's a methane 67 gas layer around the planet.
20:59And its surface is radioactive cobalt.
21:03It still does not compute.
21:06What life form could live there?
21:09A reptile, perhaps.
21:11What?
21:12I loathe reptiles.
21:15Well, excuse me for eavesdropping,
21:17but with a climate such as that,
21:19I've often wondered if the dictator and his people
21:21couldn't be some form of reptilian life,
21:24perhaps of the pocket dragon type.
21:27Sure.
21:27And you don't have any reptile in the contest yet, do you?
21:31He doesn't need one, William.
21:32He himself satisfies all the requirements.
21:36Unfortunately, Will,
21:38I just haven't been able to catch a female one.
21:42You mean you know where there are some?
21:44Oh, yes.
21:45As a matter of fact,
21:46there's a pocket dragon quite close to here.
21:49Only I wasn't nearly clever enough.
21:51She almost scratched my head off.
21:54A quite natural reaction.
21:55and bully for her.
21:57Well, I'll bet I could catch her.
21:58Oh, how?
21:59I couldn't do it, not even with Annette.
22:02Of course not.
22:03But you don't have two sisters like I have.
22:05We'll use butter.
22:09Butter?
22:09The boy is bereft of his senses.
22:12Why don't you come and watch, Dr. Smith?
22:15Perhaps this will give you an idea, too.
22:18We shall see, Mr. Farnham.
22:20We shall see.
22:31There's one now.
22:32Easy.
22:33Look out, boy.
22:35Wait.
22:36It's moving towards the bait.
22:39A mirror?
22:40What will that prove?
22:42Took it.
22:43It proved she's a girl.
22:51And she thinks she's pretty.
22:52So what more could you want?
22:54Now you see how easy it is.
22:55Now all you've got to do is sign her up.
22:57Oh, my boy,
22:58you are an absolute genius.
23:00A genius indeed.
23:02Oh.
23:04Oh.
23:09I don't see that we've gained very much.
23:12Just wait and see, Dr. Smith.
23:14Just wait and see.
23:17Now, my dear,
23:19if you'll just put your name on this dotted line.
23:21Hmm?
23:22Oh.
23:23There we are.
23:27There we are.
23:29One thousand squandros.
23:31Half for me and half is for you.
23:33Oh, thanks.
23:34You're giving the boy
23:35five hundred squandros.
23:37Well, yes, of course.
23:38He found her, didn't he?
23:39Finders, keepers.
23:42She's just semi-violet.
23:43Oh.
23:44Oh, good.
23:46Oh, and again more.
23:48Half for me and half for you, Billy.
23:51Ah, Mr. Parnham,
23:53will these machines work for anyone?
23:55Of course, of course.
23:56There's plenty for all.
23:58The girl's photograph
23:59and her signed contract.
24:01That's all that one needs.
24:03I see.
24:05It occurs to me
24:06that there must be scores of young women
24:08running about eager to sign contracts.
24:11Oh, but there's the trouble, Dr. Smith.
24:14There are some girls
24:15who simply don't want to be in beauty contests.
24:18Like, uh...
24:20Judy, for example.
24:22Judy doesn't?
24:23Well, quite obviously,
24:25you did not approach her
24:25in the proper fashion.
24:27Perhaps if I were to explain it to her.
24:29Oh, no, no, no, no.
24:30Never argue with a woman,
24:32I always say.
24:34But if only we had a photograph
24:37of someone as beautiful as Judy,
24:39and if only we had
24:40her flowing signature
24:42on a lovely contract.
24:45Oh!
24:46Would you excuse me?
24:47There is an urgent matter
24:49that demands
24:50my immediate consideration.
24:53Where are you going?
25:01Dr. Smith, no!
25:03You just don't understand.
25:04You can't enter someone
25:05in a beauty pageant
25:06until they sign a contract.
25:08William, just tell me
25:08where Farnham keeps those contracts.
25:10I don't know.
25:11I'll go ask him.
25:12Well, that won't be necessary.
25:13There's no reason for us
25:14to divide the money with him, William.
25:15After all, Judy belongs to us,
25:17doesn't she?
25:18Now, where can they be?
25:21They'll probably be here.
25:22Dr. Smith.
25:22Ah, yes, here they are.
25:30Shh!
25:32Judy, Judy Robinson!
25:34Dr. Smith, that's forgery!
25:36Nonsense, William.
25:36I have her involuntary power
25:38of attorney, do I not?
25:39Her what?
25:40No, Dr. Smith, wait!
25:41Wait!
25:42This is where I put it in,
25:43I believe, yes.
25:44I must remember how to work
25:45this, press this,
25:47and that, good.
25:48Now I must press this button,
25:50good!
25:51William, I take full responsibility
25:52for this.
25:53You will thank me for it
25:54in the long run.
25:55You will all thank me.
25:56Judy will thank me.
25:57In you go.
25:58Now for the contract.
25:59Dial so,
26:01and this dial so,
26:02and in it goes.
26:09Oh, lovely, William.
26:10We'll hit for Jack Horsley's
26:12been accepted.
26:13Ah!
26:24Dr. Smith, are you all right?
26:28What's wrong?
26:29What is it?
26:30Cheater.
26:30Walt!
26:31Liar.
26:32Thief.
26:33No!
26:34I've done what you told me to do.
26:36We've signed up Judy Robinson.
26:37My man in there
26:37is putting a contract.
26:38Forger.
26:40Forger?
26:42Oh, boss.
26:43Unless you obey our master,
26:45unless you make Judy Robinson
26:46enter the beauty contest
26:48of her own free will,
26:49you will be nothing.
26:51Your whole planet
26:52will be nothing.
26:55But I don't want
26:56to be in a beauty pageant.
26:57How many times
26:58do I have to tell you that?
26:59Genuine cosmic gopher-on-fur
27:01for your very own.
27:05Diamonds and rubies.
27:07Wouldn't you like some jewels?
27:08Why is it so important
27:09to you, Mr. Farnley?
27:10You keep out of this!
27:13Oh, Judy.
27:13Judy, please.
27:15If you'll just put
27:16your own name
27:17right here,
27:17right here, hmm?
27:22Fiddle faddle!
27:34Oh, where have you been?
27:35I have been observing
27:37with interest.
27:38I wanted you to see
27:38for yourself
27:39how hopeless it was.
27:41Oh, hopeless?
27:42Hopeless!
27:42For you, yes,
27:43but not for me.
27:45There will, of course,
27:46be no question
27:46about the size
27:47of my personal commission.
27:49Oh, no.
27:50Oh, anything!
27:51Anything!
27:54Very well, sir.
27:55Now do stand aside
27:56and observe
27:57as a consummate
27:58master of his craft
28:00takes over.
28:09Ah, good day to all
28:11and to all a good day.
28:13Now then,
28:14what have we here?
28:15Oh, Mr. Farnley
28:16was going to give
28:16all this to Judy
28:17if she'd sign up
28:18for his pageant.
28:19Judy?
28:20Let me see.
28:22Oh, no.
28:23No, dear.
28:24It's a silly idea
28:25and he's a silly man.
28:27It's perfectly ridiculous.
28:29Did you hear that, Major?
28:30What?
28:31Judy in a beauty contest.
28:33She wouldn't stand a chance.
28:35No, dear.
28:37No need to conceal
28:38your amusement, Major.
28:39We could all do
28:39with a good laugh right now.
28:41Don, were you laughing?
28:43No, but, uh,
28:45it is a pretty silly idea.
28:46What's so silly about it?
28:48The idea of me
28:49being in a beauty contest.
28:50Well, I don't know.
28:51The picture of you
28:53parading around, I guess.
28:54I don't know.
28:55It's ridiculous.
28:56Ridiculous?
28:57Oh, come on.
28:58Let's forget the whole thing, huh?
29:00It's perfectly ridiculous,
29:02my dear.
29:02Now, no offense meant,
29:04but you couldn't possibly win
29:06against all those
29:07beautiful models.
29:08I what?
29:09At any rate,
29:10since the Major
29:10does not want you
29:11to enter the contest at all,
29:12I wouldn't dream
29:14of going against his orders.
29:16His orders?
29:16Who does he think he is?
29:18I'll show him.
29:19Give me that pen.
29:21Sign here, my dear.
29:25Lovely.
29:46Lovely.
29:51Lovely.
29:52Simply lovely.
29:52Yeah.
29:54Boss, I don't know about this.
29:56What if Judy wins?
29:57Do you have any idea
29:58what's going to happen to her?
29:59No, I don't want to know.
30:01All I care about
30:01is delivering this contest
30:02so I can get my soul back.
30:04Yes, and once I get it back,
30:05I'm going to fire my agent
30:06and get out of here.
30:07I've got the flags, Mr. Farnham.
30:09Oh, good.
30:10Is there really one here
30:11from every planet?
30:12Yes, indeed.
30:14They go behind the pedestals
30:15over there.
30:16Come along, child.
30:16I'll help you.
30:17I guess there's nothing
30:18as patriotic
30:19as a beauty patch.
30:20All right, Miss Fish,
30:20we're next.
30:21Come up, dear.
30:22That's enough, thank you.
30:23Come straight ahead.
30:24Now, walk very slowly
30:26down the runway.
30:27That's it.
30:27Now, keep your head up.
30:29Miss Pye Square.
30:29Arms down, yes.
30:31Might I have a word with you?
30:32Well, I'm quite busy.
30:34A very important word.
30:36I should like to ask you,
30:37my dear,
30:38whether you feel
30:38that there might be room
30:39for another contestant.
30:41Hmm?
30:41Another type of beauty,
30:43just to make sure
30:44that His Highness is pleased.
30:46I'd certainly like to find
30:47someone else besides Julie
30:48who could possibly win the prize.
30:49Precisely.
30:50Someone who might share
30:51her prize money with us.
30:53Some lovely girl
30:55who might be willing
30:55to divide her winning squandros
30:57with you and with me.
30:59But who?
31:00Miss Pye Square.
31:02Do you happen to know
31:03what form of life
31:04this dictator
31:04really is?
31:07Now, that's the trouble.
31:09That's the one thing
31:10I don't know about him.
31:11Perhaps I can help you.
31:13Now, please follow carefully
31:15my rather clever reasoning.
31:16It's quite obvious
31:17that he is far more advanced
31:19than anyone in our
31:20wretched, primitive galaxy,
31:21wouldn't you say?
31:23Of course he is.
31:24That's what makes him
31:24so dangerous.
31:25And if indeed he is,
31:27would he still be so childish
31:28as to think feathers
31:30are beautiful?
31:31Maybe not,
31:32but what else is there?
31:34The beauty of science,
31:36my dear.
31:37The glistening skin
31:38of a polished machine.
31:39The precision
31:40of a computerized girl
31:42who never talks back.
31:45Behold.
31:50a robot.
31:53But he's a male robot.
31:55Check.
31:56Double check.
31:57Be still, Nini.
31:59I grant you
32:00that her voice
32:01is a bit deep right now,
32:02but with certain
32:04rearrangements
32:04and with some minor
32:05re-recording,
32:07anything is possible.
32:08And my dear
32:10Miss Pie Squared,
32:11I must tell you
32:12that I have noticed
32:13and admired
32:14your sweet,
32:16dainty voice.
32:21It does not compute.
32:23Thank you, Sheldon.
32:28It does not.
32:30It really does not compute.
32:32It does not compute.
32:35Judy?
32:44I, the underside,
32:46an applicant,
32:46do hear by.
32:57Judy?
32:59Penny?
33:02Where is everyone?
33:07Boy, I bet
33:08Don will notice you now.
33:09I just hope
33:10he isn't too mad
33:11to come and watch
33:11when he finds out
33:12I'm here.
33:13All right, girls.
33:14Places now.
33:15Places for the dress rehearsal.
33:16Here, let me help you
33:17with that hair, dear.
33:18Oh, off you go.
33:21Oh, this is exciting.
33:22Beautiful.
33:23And remember to keep
33:24your tummy in.
33:24Everybody go.
33:25Come on.
33:26Oh, brilliant idea.
33:27On the pedestal.
33:28Oh, so excited.
33:29Miss Squared,
33:29shall I sing my song now?
33:31Well, I guess
33:32you may as well, honey.
33:33I was sort of
33:34waiting for something else,
33:34but I don't know.
33:36All right, girls.
33:36Up on your pedestals now.
33:38Stop.
33:39Stop at once.
33:40Stop, I say.
33:42Ladies and gentlemen,
33:43I should like to present
33:44my contestant,
33:46Miss Mechanical Marvel.
33:51Our robot.
33:54Dr. Smith, what are you trying
33:58to do, wreck my show?
34:00Evolve the nerve.
34:01Get that pile of junk
34:03out of here.
34:04Junk, sir?
34:06Well, I never.
34:07I beg your pardon.
34:10A girl.
34:11It's a girl robot.
34:13Dr. Smith, I am frightened.
34:16Who is that awful man?
34:17Well, I never.
34:18Oh, come, come now,
34:20my dear child.
34:21Calm yourself.
34:22He's a silly, stupid creature.
34:24Oh.
34:26Oh, please.
34:27Please excuse me, young lady.
34:30Oh, stupid of me.
34:31I didn't understand.
34:33I am not even sure
34:34I want to stay here.
34:35Oh, please.
34:36You must, my dear.
34:38We need you.
34:39The last semifinalist.
34:40A mechanical girl.
34:43Oh, Zach.
34:45Zach, indeed.
34:47Smitty.
34:48How dare you, sir,
34:50address a lady like this
34:52in this gauche manor.
34:54Oh, I'm sorry, my dear.
34:56Won't you please
34:56take the second pedestal?
34:58May I?
35:00You may.
35:04Oh, the thing of beauty
35:06is a joy forever.
35:10Well, I have.
35:11Oh, no.
35:12Oh, I can't stand it.
35:16Oh, Smitty, we've done it.
35:18Ring up the curtain.
35:20At last, I'll have a hit.
35:22No thanks to you.
35:28That dirty double crossing.
35:30It is understood and agreed
35:32that the winner of this contest,
35:34Miss Galaxy, will travel to.
35:38Major.
35:39Major!
35:40A starship has just landed.
35:42Smith, did you read
35:42the fine print in this contract?
35:44Major, a contract
35:44is a contract.
35:45They're all saved.
35:46Not this one.
35:47Read it.
35:50Fine print.
35:51Whoever follows
35:51the fine print.
35:54The fine print in that contract
35:56reads that the winner
35:56of this contest
35:57must live in their galaxy forever.
35:59Now, come on.
36:00We're getting out of here.
36:01Places, everyone.
36:01Places.
36:02He's coming.
36:03He's coming.
36:03Oh, if you mind, please.
36:04Come along, Judy.
36:05Get your place up on the pedestal.
36:06That's a girl.
36:07Here's your candelabra.
36:08There you are, my dear.
36:11Please, I'm trying
36:12to put on a show.
36:13Behold.
36:16Behold,
36:16his awesome magnificence,
36:18the supreme and dreadful ruler
36:20of the most powerful
36:21galaxy in space.
36:23Behold and tremble,
36:25the mysterious dictator.
36:28Welcome,
36:29your exalted magnificence.
36:40I, Farnam B,
36:42present the greatest show
36:44in the cosmos.
36:45Sing, Penny, sing.
36:47Here's to thee.
36:49Stop.
36:50He has chosen.
36:52At this moment,
36:53he has chosen.
36:55Ten thousand years
36:56we have searched
36:57for such beauty.
36:59Step aside,
36:59Earth man.
37:12You are the one.
37:14It is you
37:15who will be
37:15on this galaxy.
37:17You who will come
37:18to live with us forever.
37:22Behold your new master.
37:30He's nothing but fire.
37:32Ten thousand years
37:34we have lived
37:35without beauty
37:36on our galaxy.
37:37Ten thousand years
37:39we have searched
37:39for such cool,
37:40cool beauty as yours.
37:42Come with me.
37:44You will be
37:45our beauty queen forever.
37:49Judy!
37:50Judy!
37:51Get away from her!
37:53Get away!
37:53One moment, please.
37:55One moment.
37:56What happened to her?
37:58What have you done to her?
37:59Well, it's quite all right.
38:01Your magnificence.
38:03She merely fainted.
38:04The sight of your
38:05handsome visage
38:06was too much
38:07for the girl,
38:07that's all.
38:09Your heated brow,
38:10those flashing eyes.
38:12Just give her some time.
38:14Very well.
38:17Prepare her.
38:18I shall come for her
38:20in ten minutes.
38:30Ten minutes.
38:32But beware, Barnum.
38:34If we are not safely
38:35away with her
38:35in ten minutes,
38:36you and this whole
38:37planet will be destroyed
38:38in flames.
38:40in ten minutes.
38:51Come on.
38:51Let's go.
38:56Come on.
38:57Come on.
39:06Come on.
39:08Come on.
39:09Come on.
39:09What do you say? Get below.
39:12Let's go.
39:17Oh, but, heavens, they're approaching.
39:21Saints preserve us.
39:22These men are carrying the prize money.
39:24Saints preserve it.
39:34Nothing's happening.
39:35He is immune.
39:37I'll double the current.
39:47That's as high as it'll go.
39:49He's still coming.
39:50Do something, Booby.
39:51He is immune, I say.
39:53Nothing can stop him.
39:54Silence, you cowardly clump.
39:55Major, the lasers.
39:57It's our last chance.
40:00No.
40:01If I shoot him, he'll know it's war.
40:04That ridiculous rain contraption of yours,
40:06it might work.
40:07Yeah, there's a chance, but...
40:09somebody's got to stall him.
40:09For a few minutes.
40:10Farnum, you've got us into this mess.
40:12Get out there and stall him.
40:13What, me?
40:14Yes, of course, you.
40:16It's all your fault.
40:17Yes.
40:20Yes, of course, I'll handle it.
40:22Don't worry about a thing.
40:24The great Farnum Bee will arrange everything for you.
40:27No!
40:28I've sold it so.
40:29He'll double cross us.
40:30Take your hands off me, you stupid gal!
40:33I'm coming, master!
40:34No!
40:40All right, Smith.
40:41Looks like it's up to you.
40:42Me?
40:43Certainly not.
40:44He knows I'm not strong enough.
40:51You, sir, my stolen companion,
40:53get out there and deal with those creatures.
40:55You heard the major, Dr. Smith.
40:57Move.
40:57Just you wait.
40:59I said move!
41:13I can't do it.
41:14I'm frightened.
41:15What will I say?
41:17You'll think of something, Dr. Smith.
41:20Of course, I have a brilliant idea.
41:25Just tidying up.
41:26You see, I wasn't expecting any visitors.
41:29Quickly, let me put these on.
41:30You shouldn't have taken them off in the first place.
41:31Go!
41:33And come back!
41:39Peace, gentlemen.
41:41I come in peace.
41:44You have given us a warm welcome.
41:46I asked Forcefield.
41:48Don't speak of it, Your Worship.
41:51But what is that?
41:52What is he doing?
41:55That...
41:56That is music.
41:58You see, when this galaxy travels anywhere,
42:00there must always be music.
42:03Isn't it beautiful?
42:04I do not know.
42:06For ten thousand years,
42:07we have lived in our galaxy without such beauty.
42:10But now that is changed.
42:13Now we will take our beauty, Queen.
42:15Yes, of course, Your Worship.
42:17But as an outstanding doctor of intergalactic environmental psychology,
42:22I must warn you that Judy is subject to very high temperatures.
42:26She runs an enormous fever at the drop of a hat.
42:29If you forgive my saying so,
42:30what you really need is a beauty queen who is compatible and healthy.
42:37And I have just the one for you.
42:46This lovely, gorgeous creature.
42:49Why do you know that he can withstand heat of 400 degrees Fahrenheit?
42:53I mean, she can.
42:55Can you, my dear?
42:56Yes, I can.
42:58Come on, baby.
43:00Give her some rain.
43:02And she's already packed and eager to go.
43:05Aren't you, my dear?
43:06Yes, I am.
43:08Stop!
43:09Enough!
43:10Miss Galaxy, where are you?
43:12It's not working!
43:20Summon her.
43:21You want to keep going here?
43:25Here.
43:25Here.
43:26Here.
43:34Here.
43:39Let's see.
43:45Here.
44:02We will go now.
44:27Come, take my hand.
44:54Come, take my hand.
45:38Come, take my hand.
45:46Judy.
45:46Judy, my child, are you all right?
45:51Stars and gutters, my foot.
45:59Oh, what a terrible experience.
46:00I'm happy that's over with.
46:02Oh, I'm so glad you girls have forgiven me.
46:04I was possessed.
46:05Simply possessed.
46:06You're all set, Mr. Farnham.
46:08Your spaceship's repaired and ready for takeoff.
46:09Oh, thank you, my boy.
46:12Don, I promise I will never be in another beauty pageant as long as I live.
46:17Do you really promise?
46:18Well, you know, it was sort of fun having you come to my rescue like that.
46:23I know what you mean, Judy.
46:25Sometimes it's just nice to be noticed for a change.
46:27You know, the boss has even forgiven me for selling his soul.
46:30What are you talking about?
46:32I just don't want to lose a good agent, that's all.
46:35Besides, it's time to start work on our next show.
46:38Goodbye, everyone.
46:39No rest for the wicked, you know.
46:44Come along, girl.
46:47Now, we've got some work we have to finish up ourselves.
46:50Let's get to it.
46:51Right.
46:58Well, there goes Mr. Farnham.
47:01Good riddance to that pompous popinjay.
47:04It is devoutly to be wished that we never see him again.
47:07I'm surprised he didn't stay for a curtain call.
47:10Good riddance.
47:15Good riddance, I say.
47:17Oh, the pain, the pain of it all.
47:35Good riddance, I say.
47:36The pain, the pain, the pain.
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