- 1 week ago
- #knightmare
#knightmare
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00:03To be continued...
00:36Intruder alert, level one.
00:38Ah, no callers, I see, but merely the watchers of illusion.
00:44Welcome, the dungeon awaits the nightcomers, and for those who dare, I, Treyguard, issue the challenge.
00:52In this phase, a quest is already in progress, so here's a progress report.
00:59The dungeon tricked, it fooled and writhed, but still no matter how it tried, there was no way it could
01:06defeat Chris and his pals from Merseyside.
01:09But then, at last, in level three, the team chose riches, not defense.
01:16And though they passed the gargoyle's glare, they had to face the Jews' stare.
01:22It left them stone. Oh, what a pity.
01:26Yet still it writhes our awful ditty.
01:30And now Mark and men from Oxfordshire are set to tread where many fear.
01:34Will they survive? Who knows? Who cares?
01:38So let's join them, meet the castle stairs.
01:44I went backwards. Put it towards you.
01:49Where am I?
01:50Okay, Mark, you're in a room. There's three doors on the opposite side.
01:56They're not port coast.
01:58And there's a gesture in the middle of the room.
02:00Ah, dungeon spin and leave a break.
02:05You've gone and got me by mistake.
02:09And what a lucky mistake it was too.
02:12What's your name then, young Dungeoneer?
02:14Mark.
02:15Oh, Mark. Oh, that's good.
02:18I think we'll call you Lucky Mark from now on.
02:22Right then, Lucky Mark. Since your luck's good, how'd you like to try it?
02:27Oh, Folly, make it brief, will you? This team is wasting life force.
02:32Oh, short and sweet, Master. Short and sweet. Just like me, really.
02:38Oh, right then, Lucky Mark. Do you like card games?
02:42Yes.
02:43Oh, good. Have you ever played Chase the Lady?
02:46No.
02:47Oh, well, never mind, because we're going to play it anyway.
02:50Right, who's going to deal?
02:52Oh, I suppose it better be me.
02:54Here we go then.
02:59There you are.
03:00Pick a card.
03:03Any card you like.
03:04I know which one I'd pick.
03:07Bye.
03:08Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
03:10Woo-hoo-hoo.
03:14The room's filled with playing cards.
03:21There's a ten of spades to your left,
03:24a king of diamonds over the door on the right,
03:29a queen of hearts over the door in the centre,
03:32jack of spades over the door on the left,
03:35and a eight of clubs on the left.
03:37Nine of clubs.
03:38What was the game called again?
03:40Chase the Lady, so you want the queen.
03:42Yeah.
03:42Okay, so, if you can go, if you can stop walking forward, Mark.
03:47Keep going.
03:48Yeah.
03:49Keep walking forward.
03:51That door is locked.
03:53Take the right steps to open it.
03:57Okay, sidestep to your left, if you're going to land on that card.
04:02Go another sidestep.
04:04And another.
04:07Okay, walk forward now, Mark.
04:08Okay.
04:12Where am I?
04:14Okay, it looks like a kitchen, two doors on the far wall.
04:18There's a lady by the kitchen.
04:21By the kitchen range.
04:23Yeah, and there's a table in the middle.
04:25Hello.
04:27Oh, dear.
04:29Are you the knave of hearts?
04:31What shall I say?
04:32Yes.
04:33Yes.
04:34You're the knave of hearts?
04:35No, I'm a dungeoneer.
04:38What's your name, then?
04:40Mark.
04:40Mark?
04:41Mark the dungeoneer?
04:42Yes.
04:43All right, then.
04:45I'll believe you.
04:46You see, I just thought you might be the knave of hearts come to steal something.
04:50I'm the queen of hearts, you know.
04:55Actually, I'm not really, but I've always wanted to be a queen.
04:59Anyway, I'm making some toads, just like in the rhyme.
05:03You know, the queen of hearts, she made some toads all in a summer's day.
05:09The knave of hearts, he stole those toads and took them all away.
05:15Do you know it, Mark?
05:16Mark, say the knave of hearts stole the tarts and not the toads.
05:21The knave of hearts stole the tarts, but you get rid of the toads.
05:25Oh, Mark!
05:27Oh, that is good news, because you see, toads are awfully difficult to cook, you know.
05:33Oh, oh, I know.
05:35You've given me good advice, so I really ought to give you some good advice.
05:40Listen carefully.
05:41Through the door over there is the clue room.
05:44At least it was a few minutes ago.
05:46And through the door over there is an exploding trap.
05:51Now, don't blame me if they've been switched around, because it's not my fault.
05:55Goodbye!
05:58Switched around, because that was switched around.
06:01So they think they are switched around.
06:02Yes, yes.
06:03Okay, Mark, can you take one side step to the right, please?
06:07I think you can trust her, team.
06:12I don't think we can trust her.
06:14I think, because she's got the toads and the tarts mixed up, she may as well get the rooms mixed
06:18up as well.
06:19You might be able to trust her, because we helped her out.
06:21Yes, yeah, okay.
06:23Walk forward, please, Mark, until we say stop.
06:27Keep going.
06:28Stop.
06:29Two side steps.
06:30To your right.
06:31To your right, sorry.
06:33Right, straightforward.
06:34Straight forward.
06:39Where am I?
06:40Okay, it's a red room.
06:42There's a table in front of you with some objects on, doors on, far right thing.
06:48I can't wait, gauntlet.
06:50Right.
06:51There's pie, a gold, a bell, and a gauntlet on the table.
06:57Okay.
06:58If you start walking forward, okay?
07:02Yeah.
07:03Until we say stop.
07:04Okay, keep going a bit.
07:06Okay, stop.
07:08Okay, now if you can turn to your left.
07:12Your left.
07:14That's okay.
07:14Okay, walk forward.
07:16Okay, you're at the table.
07:18Yeah, here.
07:18Ah, well, if you haven't a clue, then you soon will have.
07:22Don't touch, Mark, for first you must face the dread challenge of the living wall.
07:28I am Igneous of legend.
07:32Face me or perish in ignorance.
07:35Turn round.
07:37Turn round.
07:37I know I said living, but that scarcely applies to Igneous.
07:41Turn round.
07:41Turn and face him, Mark.
07:44Right round.
07:45Right round.
07:45Three riddles have I, and truth I seek.
07:49Here is my first.
07:52Once I roamed three and eight deer.
07:57Now I watch bars and eat Christians.
08:02What am I?
08:06Watch bars and eat Christians.
08:08Lion.
08:09I think it might be lion.
08:10Can you repeat it, please?
08:12Can you ask, Mark, ask him to repeat it.
08:14Can you repeat that, please?
08:15Once and once only.
08:18Once I roamed three and eight deer.
08:22Now I watch bars and eat Christians.
08:28What am I?
08:29Lion.
08:30If I can say lion.
08:31Yeah, lion.
08:32Mark, if you can say lion.
08:34Lions.
08:35Truth accepted.
08:37Here is my second.
08:40All that glitters is not gold.
08:43But know you the magic science that will make it so.
08:49Alchemy.
08:52Truth accepted.
08:54Say this.
08:54Here is my third.
08:57Moonlight makes my hair grow longer.
09:01Moonlight makes my jaw grow stronger.
09:06Daylight finds me bare of face.
09:09A member of the human race.
09:13Boy.
09:14What am I?
09:15I think it's a werewolf.
09:17Yeah, that's what I thought.
09:18Werewolf.
09:19Truth accepted.
09:22Three is the score.
09:24Your quest is to free the maid.
09:27You have met her before, but now she has been taken to a deep place.
09:35To proceed, you'll need to wake the dead, or you'll be dead.
09:43Quick, Mark.
09:44You've a perfect score.
09:45Call out, I command you, and gain a bonus.
09:48I command you.
09:49Oh, very well.
09:51The gold is real.
09:54The gauntlet is merely my challenge, which you have met well.
10:01Rock I was, and rock I now become.
10:09OK, Mark, if you can turn round.
10:12OK, you're at the table.
10:14Take the pie.
10:15Yeah.
10:16And put it in your knapsack.
10:19Right, Mark, can you take the bow, please?
10:21Can you see a bow on the table?
10:23Yes.
10:24OK, if you can take that in one hand.
10:26Take that hand, please.
10:26Gold.
10:27Could you take the gold, please?
10:28In the other hand.
10:29Because the war monster said it was real.
10:31OK, so if you turn round, right round again, to where you were when you were facing the war monster.
10:36Just worry.
10:38OK.
10:38OK, if you can walk forward.
10:40Just walk forward.
10:42I'll walk forward to all your...
10:43Stop.
10:44OK, stop.
10:45Stop.
10:45Turn to your right.
10:47OK, now walk forward.
10:51Where am I?
10:52Shame of mind if you was running.
10:54There's a bomb in the room.
10:56Side step to your right.
10:57Side step to your right.
10:58Keep going, keep going, keep going.
10:59Now run forward.
11:00As fast as you can.
11:01Stop, stop.
11:02Stop.
11:02Turn to your right.
11:03Turn to your right.
11:04OK, go forward.
11:05Quick, run forward.
11:06Stop.
11:06Side step.
11:07Keep side stepping.
11:07Side step to your left.
11:08Left, left.
11:10Right, out quickly.
11:10Go forward.
11:14Where am I?
11:16OK, you're in a room.
11:17At York's shop...
11:18There's a deep, um, chasm to your left.
11:22And there's, um...
11:24Yeah, there's a pathway leading up to a serpent's head in the middle of a cliff.
11:29And there's something on a pile of rocks.
11:31Team, I don't think it's a good idea to leave Lilith asleep.
11:35She wouldn't be sleeping so soundly unless she'd left a few traps.
11:39It might be better to wake her and risk her anger than to creep through without paying any toll.
11:45OK, Mark, can you try and wake her up, so gently...
11:48Shout.
11:49No, gently.
11:50Shall I ring the bell?
11:52Yeah, OK, ring the bell.
11:56The bells!
11:57The bells!
11:58The bells!
12:02Oh, dragon's breath!
12:04If I had wanted to live in a cathedral, I would have done so.
12:08Apologize at once, you interrupter of dreams.
12:13Sorry, my lady.
12:14Who and what are you?
12:17I'm called Mark, and I'm a dungeneer.
12:20Well, you are an honest, Mark, and a very fortunate one.
12:25For I wish to return to my dream to find out what happens.
12:31So I will allow you to depart through the serpent's mouth without any payment.
12:36Just this once, mind you.
12:40Now, for badness' sake, go quickly and quietly.
12:44Or the causeway may disappear before you do.
12:48OK, Mark, go forward until I say stop.
12:52Stop.
12:53No.
12:54Side step.
12:55Side step.
12:55Side step to your right.
12:57Forward.
12:59Now, turn to your right until I say stop.
13:03Stop.
13:03No, left a bit.
13:04Left a bit.
13:05OK, walk forward.
13:05Walk forward.
13:06Right a bit.
13:07Side step.
13:08Side step.
13:09Yeah, left side step.
13:10Left side step.
13:11Quick.
13:12Quick!
13:13OK, now, walk forward.
13:18Where am I?
13:19OK, you're in a room.
13:21There's the well, and there's, um, looks like there could be a guard standing.
13:25He's proven alert!
13:27Come boil your head, guards the way.
13:29And the password, Ian, traitor!
13:33Hearts, Mark.
13:33Or you, perish!
13:35Mark.
13:36Hearts.
13:37You what?
13:39Shut the mic.
13:40That is not the password!
13:43Mark, try and give him the gold.
13:45Bribe him.
13:45Would you want the gold?
13:46Are you trying to bribe me?
13:50No, say it.
13:50Bribe gum oil.
13:51It's a present.
13:52Say it's a present.
13:53He wants you to have the gold.
13:54Um, I want you to have it.
13:56It's a present.
13:57Are you trying to bribe me?
13:58Where are you?
14:00Say it's a present.
14:01It's a present.
14:04All right.
14:06Bring it over here.
14:07Hey, Mark.
14:08Walk forward.
14:15Oh, just this once, mind you.
14:19Say thank you, Mark.
14:21Say thank you.
14:23Okay, walk forward.
14:24Okay, step up on the step, okay?
14:26You're at the well.
14:27Now climb in.
14:30Good.
14:31Get right down.
14:32Get right down.
14:36Where am I?
14:37Okay, Mark, you're in a cavern.
14:39There's one door, one way out.
14:41And it seems to look like a monk on a sort of...
14:43Halt!
14:46You miserable excrement!
14:49Stand, you miserable, misbegotten dog's button!
14:53Oh, dear, Cedric the Mad Monk seems madder than ever today.
14:58Let's have a look at you, then.
15:03I haven't seen anything as ugly since I had to scrape the dam off me sandals!
15:10Nah.
15:11You can't be a friend.
15:14I ain't got any friends, see?
15:17Can't understand why.
15:18Mark, Mark.
15:19You miserable scumheads just turn away from me as soon as I start talking.
15:24Say, I'm not turning away from you.
15:26Since you can't be a friend.
15:27Say, I'll talk to you.
15:28I expect you're a foe!
15:30I'll talk to you.
15:31You talk to me.
15:33You're a foe.
15:34I might as well clobber you.
15:36No, say you're his friend.
15:37Say you're his friend.
15:37No, I'm your friend.
15:38I'll be your friend.
15:39What?
15:40I'll be your friend.
15:40I haven't got any friends.
15:42You have now.
15:43You've got me and my team.
15:44Nah, false friends are no use to me.
15:46No, you're real friends.
15:46I say I'm coarse and rude.
15:48Is that what you think, eh?
15:49No.
15:49Some scumheads say I'm vulgar.
15:51No, you're nice.
15:53You're a kind of scum that thinks that.
15:54You're lovely.
15:55What?
15:55Brilliant.
15:55You're fantastic.
15:58You don't mean that.
15:59Yes, I do.
16:00I don't believe it.
16:00I really like you.
16:01I really like you.
16:01I really like you.
16:02You're brilliant.
16:04You do?
16:05Yes.
16:06Really?
16:07Yes.
16:08Cool.
16:09You really are my friend, aren't you?
16:11Yeah.
16:12Hey, this does seem strange.
16:16Here, give me your hand.
16:17Shake your hand, Mark.
16:18What's your name?
16:19Mark.
16:20Mark?
16:21Well, my name's Cedric.
16:23Hello, Cedric.
16:25Hello.
16:26Yeah.
16:26Really nice.
16:28Here.
16:29You better have some grub, eh?
16:32Stick your hand out again.
16:33Here you are.
16:34Thanks.
16:35And tell me what you're bound.
16:37Er, to free a maid.
16:39A maid?
16:40Yes.
16:41Well, I'll tell you what.
16:43Friend in need, as they say.
16:45I'll come along with you.
16:46And if me and my staff can be of service to you, well, who knows?
16:53Some success here, team.
16:55But don't rely too heavily on Cedric.
16:57His moods are somewhat erratic, to say the least.
17:03Where are we?
17:05Oh, it's you again.
17:07This must be my birthday.
17:10Intruder level two.
17:12Come by all the handsome guards the way.
17:16Alt intruder, or you perish.
17:22Well, well, well.
17:24If it is an old boil, box the boozy night.
17:28Bit on the old dungeon juice again, have you come, boil?
17:32I have no quarrel with you, you...
17:35You...
17:36Monkish person.
17:38Stand aside.
17:39And let me at this intruder.
17:42Ask him to help.
17:43Who are you calling intruder?
17:46I'll let you know, this here is my friend.
17:50Yeah.
17:53Now, personally, I can't stand rudeness.
17:57So I reckon it's about clobbering time, right?
18:03Mark, don't distract me.
18:07I wasn't ready.
18:12Good.
18:13Right, young Mark, what's next then?
18:16Say thank you.
18:18Go to the right, Mark.
18:20Um, my team tell me I've got to go to the right.
18:22To the right door.
18:23To the right.
18:24To the right door.
18:25I'll come with you.
18:27Thanks.
18:29So thank you, Mark.
18:31That's a pleasure.
18:38Where are we?
18:39Okay, Mark, you're in the light.
18:40Oh, God!
18:41No!
18:42Anything about that?
18:42All right, get to the left.
18:44Get to the left.
18:44I can stand snakes.
18:45I can stand spooks.
18:47I can't stand dead feet.
18:48Quickly run.
18:50Especially when they're that side.
18:52Forward.
18:52Run forward.
18:53Now, listen, young Mark.
18:54You may not be able to go back.
18:55Stop!
18:56Stop!
18:56That's awful!
18:57Crouch down on the floor.
18:59Right down.
18:59Right down.
19:00And go as fast as you can forward.
19:03Yes, there's something you must have for your quest here.
19:06Okay, Mark.
19:07Go forward.
19:07Keep going forward.
19:08Until you touch a wall.
19:10Right, that's it.
19:12Now, Mark, go.
19:13Stand up again.
19:15Now, go to the right.
19:17Side step to the right.
19:18Keep going, keep going.
19:19Keep going, keep going.
19:20Right, now.
19:20Back forward.
19:21Back forward.
19:21Mark, to the left a bit.
19:23Right, to the left.
19:24To the left a bit.
19:25Right, go in.
19:25Go forward.
19:27Where am I?
19:28Hello, Mark.
19:29I think you're in a wizard's room of some sort, because there seems to be a chair, and
19:38then there's a sort of a large doorway leading out, and there's lots of shelves with things
19:43like bottles and that on them.
19:46Now, there's something just by the chair.
19:49Okay, Mark, okay.
19:51If you can take some side steps to your right, okay, until I say stop.
19:55Keep going.
19:57Keep going.
19:58Okay, stop.
19:59Okay, now, walk forwards.
20:01Keep going.
20:03Okay, stop.
20:04Can you see it?
20:05Can you see it?
20:06Can I introduce myself?
20:07Okay, now, there's an apple.
20:08Take the apple.
20:09Take the apple and put it in your knapsack.
20:11Tell us what else is there.
20:12Help!
20:13Burglars!
20:15Oh, no, not again.
20:17Now, where's my burglar?
20:18Turn to face in, Mark.
20:19Turn to face in, Mark.
20:20Right, turn to your right.
20:21Oh, easy.
20:22He's not a burglar.
20:24It's a dungeoneer.
20:25Oh, come over here, dungeoneer.
20:27Over to this place here.
20:28It's a bit more magical over here.
20:30Splendid.
20:30What a splendid dungeoneer.
20:32Now then, what's your name, dungeoneer?
20:35Mark.
20:35Mark, eh?
20:36How wonderful.
20:37Yes, well, mine's Merlin.
20:39You may have heard of me, perhaps.
20:41Or better still, you may even have read of me.
20:43Now then, Mark.
20:44Mark, let's find out if you and your friends have learned anything, or whether you've just
20:48been blundering about and relying on luck.
20:52Now then, Mark, I am going to give you the beginning of two sayings, and you're going
20:59to complete them.
21:00Yes?
21:01Are you ready?
21:02Yes.
21:03Jolly good.
21:04Here's the first.
21:07A friend in need...
21:09Is a friend indeed.
21:11Is a friend indeed.
21:12Yes, good.
21:13Splendid.
21:14Now then, here's the second.
21:16Today's enemies are...
21:19Tomorrow...
21:19Is it tomorrow's friends?
21:21Tomorrow's...
21:21No, Alan.
21:22Tomorrow's...
21:22Tomorrow's friends.
21:23Tomorrow's friends.
21:24Mark, say tomorrow's friends.
21:26Tomorrow's friends.
21:28Absolutely splendid.
21:29Well, I don't know if it's as splendid as all that.
21:31I mean, I've only given you two.
21:32Still, you've got them right.
21:34Well done, well done.
21:35Now, for that, you may have a spell.
21:39And its name is Freeza.
21:41It's a useful sort of trickery, but I'm afraid it doesn't last too long.
21:46And now, goodbye and Godspeed.
21:51Which way is he going to go?
21:52Well, come on, teen.
21:54Make your choice and creep away.
21:56Should I get a fucking other voice?
21:57Your choice, your choice.
21:58Yeah, we've got the food.
21:59Be very quiet, whatever you want.
22:01Well, don't we need something from the table?
22:02No, no, it's all right.
22:03We need something from the table.
22:04Mark, can you go to the table again?
22:07Walk forwards.
22:09The orb and the candle.
22:10Ruby and the...
22:11Yeah, and the candle.
22:13Which way should we go?
22:13Right.
22:14Right and...
22:15Should we go right?
22:15Yeah, tell them where I go.
22:16OK, Mark, if you can take some side steps to your right place.
22:20OK, stop.
22:21Walk forwards.
22:23OK, stop.
22:24Take some side steps to your left.
22:26Keep going.
22:27Keep going.
22:28Come on.
22:30Stop.
22:31Walk forwards.
22:32Walk forwards.
22:34Where am I?
22:35OK, Mark.
22:36You're in a cavern.
22:37There's a bridge, OK?
22:38Yeah, you're on a very narrow causeway.
22:40And there's a crevasse, which, um...
22:43And you're standing on the bridge at this moment.
22:45And there's a man.
22:47By eye of Odin, some loot is this way coming.
22:54Beholding strange person.
22:57Now for the choosings.
23:00Choose your must, please.
23:03Loot, pillage, or kill.
23:06Give him, Mark.
23:07Try and bribe him.
23:08Do you want this...
23:09Ruby.
23:10This ruby.
23:11A ruby?
23:12What is ruby?
23:14It's a jewel.
23:15A real precious.
23:16It's a jewel.
23:16It's worth lots of money.
23:17It's worth lots of gold pieces and money.
23:20Oh, lots of money.
23:23Good.
23:23Oh, you give to Olaf.
23:25Come on, come on.
23:26Wait a minute, Mark.
23:26Mark, please.
23:27Say that I'll give it to you if you let me pass.
23:30I'll give it to you if you let me pass.
23:32Of course.
23:32Come, come, give.
23:35Very happy to be looting you.
23:37Can be passing, strange person.
23:39Okay, Mark.
23:40Okay, Mark.
23:41Come on, come on.
23:45Warning team, a complete temporal disruption imminent.
23:49Time is now the enemy.
23:52Oh, dear.
23:54Temporal disruption complete.
23:56All adventuring must now cease until you phase with us once more.
24:01Will Mark and his friends make it to level three?
24:04Or will some monster end their spree?
24:08Journey with us again to nightmare.
24:11And just remember, it's only a dream.
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24:36And what happens on the screen has the same effect on your stake as in the casino.
24:40See how you measure up against the real card sharks at 10 tonight.
24:43See how you measure up against the real card sharks at 10 tonight.
24:54See how you measure up against the real card sharks at 10.