- 2 days ago
"Bank manager Belinda Braithwaite (Hannah Gordon) wants to retire, but her house husband David (Peter Egan), likes things the way they are, and doesn't want to go back to work. " IMDB Also starring John Bird, Lill Roughley, Ruth Mitchell, Richard Aylen.
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00:00.
00:39do you want to be buried or cremated no don't mean now I mean when you're dead
00:48I've always fancied a Viking funeral myself like bourgest you get seasick
00:53not if I have an injection remind me to get you an injection just before you
00:59kick the bucket what are you doing the vicar's got arthritis in his left wrist
01:08it's two ranks in the desert isn't it not not not Vikings yes or have I got bourgesse wrong
01:15it would take too long to explain haven't you got something you could be getting on with no
01:20I'm gonna stay here and annoy you you could stay here all day it wouldn't annoy me why won't you
01:25let me leave work then I don't mind you leaving work as such it's being on the parish with a
01:29bum
01:30out of my trousers I object to we'll manage I would rather live than manage if we leave the
01:35gold card standard our lifestyle revolve around bacon pieces in day-old bread no thank you
01:44how is catapulting a bear across the kitchen going to help the vicar's gammy wrist now hauling heavy
01:51babies about gives him the clerical equivalent of tennis elbow a counter spring should gently
02:00ease the infant out of the holy fluid back to a recumbent posture again I'm a genius why are you
02:15eating a raw sprout it's just a sprout that's all of course it is this is what you ought to
02:28do you
02:28know play more golf Charles I don't play any golf you don't well how do you keep the old corpuscles
02:35playing then shake up the old sweat keep the mind at bay very important thing keeping the mind at bay
02:42strange things minds you know Charles yes why did you come in here oh young totty waiting outside
02:50looks like trouble I am I thought I'd better tell you how do you know she's trouble you she came
02:57to
02:57see me yesterday I put her on to you no more golf that's a secret come in come in thanks
03:03a lot
03:03Charles absolute pleasure I do sit down right what can I do for you look if I ask you something
03:16you
03:16won't tell anyone I asked you will you no no no I won't what's the problem right well um it's
03:22to do
03:22with having a baby come in why are you looking me like that Ned you're paranoid well of course I'm
03:39paranoid I'm a man who works surrounded by women I'm even married to one how can I avoid paranoia
03:47feeling bouncy are we well people insist on writing checks on accounts which have no money in them
03:53what am I supposed to do you are supposed to offer them more credit like these are the
03:57the hopeless cases the dregs one-parent families stuff like that you want to be allowed to have bank
04:04accounts and you ought to knock when two members of management are in conference go on tell her off
04:09knock-knock they pave the pair of you you'll never get promoted you know you don't know how to handle
04:16people thank you Ned if it were possible I would pass a law forbidding women to go to work you'd
04:24certainly get my vote Neddy I'd even marry a man if it were possible you know why I hope not
04:32because
04:33men are reliable and women are stupid he ought to be in a different job like what something that
04:44would suit his unique blend of talents hangman torturer something like that I found myself eating a raw
04:53sprout yesterday morning I used to do that all the time when I was pregnant I hope it's not compulsory
05:00can I talk to you Jess I suppose so what about pregnancy and impending childbirth
05:08well what I do when pregnant women come in here is I ask a few questions what sort of questions
05:13I just ask enough to find out what sort of help is needed how long is it since you had
05:19it
05:22what well that sort of question is that the sort of question that you ask no it isn't
05:26no I don't have to get cross I just wondered I'm not getting cross I am not I sound like
05:32my dad
05:33well maybe she'll come back when one of the women is here if you're finding this difficult
05:36oh but I thought this was a place where you could come you know and get advice
05:40it is without people striking attitudes and everything oh boy could I have your name please
05:47why so I can make an appointment for you to talk to someone
05:50why don't you just say you don't want to talk to me
05:54look I'll tell you what okay you tell me what you want to know I'll tell you if I can
05:57help in
05:58any way or if I can find anyone who can and you can either sit there and listen or you
06:01can
06:01disappear into the night as if you've never been what do you think we've got a history master at
06:06school like you very sarcastic so far I've just been bland sarcasm is a different thing in
06:13time school school children have rights you know I know I know I know I just thought that
06:18if you were at school you might have a pregnancy advisor you could consult in between periods
06:26what's your problem what sort of advice do you give to pregnant women
06:36motherhood is a serious business you were telling me
06:39look it wasn't easy at my age going into the chemist and asking for a pregnancy testing kit
06:45but it would have been worse for me I'm not married oh come on Jess in this day and age
06:50never mind this day and age it's this town that's the crucial factor it's sprout is that all right
06:56that's not funny depends where you stand have you any idea what it's going to be like
07:02bringing up a child or simplicity itself you hit it shout at it and when it's a teenager
07:08you assume it's going to get into trouble I've been a child a fat lot of use you will be
07:15in a
07:15crisis what do you want me to do about it take it seriously for a start how about that those
07:24are
07:24the agencies I can put you in touch with they'll see what the extent of the problem is you see
07:28pregnancy is a problem do you I have a feeling which are not the average pregnant young woman I just
07:35said there were a few things I needed to know about having a baby true true that's what you said
07:38and I got a man who viewed pregnancy as a problem oh boy some advice center oh are you here
07:47tomorrow
07:47yes why well I haven't found anything out yet have I well except without jump to conclusions
07:52all old people jump to conclusions do you mind leaving that attitude at home if you come here
07:58tomorrow I react very badly to flippancy hey are you pregnant what difference does that make well
08:08maybe you should be talking to someone else you've lasted the longest so far I normally get thrown out
08:12after about three minutes as a resolution that has a certain appeal what's your birth sign I can't remember
08:24don't worry we'll work something out see ya
08:45when they're going to come here
08:50anyway
08:51oh daddy
08:53daddy
08:54daddy
08:55daddy
08:55daddy
08:56daddy
08:57daddy
08:57daddy
08:57daddy
08:57daddy
08:58daddy
09:16so how was your day oh the usual mixture of the comic and the tragic Ned said he
09:24wished he was married to a man no one in particular just likes men better than
09:30women they're more dependable and the rest of the day was one crisis after
09:36another it was really bad up until lunchtime and after that it just fell
09:40the way altogether in particular emergency staff cover was high on the
09:45agenda that reminds me yeah did we throw the cot away or is it still up in the
09:52loft that's the lot is there anything we should be talking about I don't know like
10:08what anything you think I ought to know anything we should be discussing right
10:15why are we getting all the baby stuff down out of the loft things like that things
10:19like that yes it's complicated is it if it was just a matter of you and me I would
10:29tell you like a shot oh so tell him I can't not that I've made arrangements if I do he'll
10:38tell
10:38Louise and bingo it'll be all over the town tell him not to tell anyone oh that won't make any
10:44difference she'll still worm it out of him she's ruthless and he's vulnerable stuck there at home
10:49all day that's why I want to get him out of this environment it isn't good for a grown man
10:55sitting
10:55at home all day ironing knickers making scones ironing knickers doesn't iron your knickers does it
11:05I don't get them back crumpled I assume he irons them what are you talking about knickers yes
11:13you're mad you know that don't you mad you'll be put away did you come in for something or just
11:20for a shriek stark staring bonkers now there's a word that's changed its meaning overnight yes well
11:30you ought to know honey hello can I ask you a favor what would you do the CAB for me
11:41this morning no
11:44why not I don't want to what's this it's how I got started in inventing actually what do you mean
11:51you don't want to what sort of excuse is that it's perfect no messing around with excuses which may get
11:57found out plain simple and to the point also truthful it's also very rude right which is why
12:03you can only use it with people you really know well what does it do this it rocks the cradle
12:09as a
12:09matter of fact amazing how well the kids turned out really isn't it guinea pigs for the mad inventor
12:23do you know what I can invent next what a set of stocks and I'm gonna sit you in them
12:27naked every
12:28morning after Desmond goes to work front garden or back front you'll have to wait till I grow my hair
12:37a
12:37bit why don't you want to go to the CAB today mind your own business bestia all right what do
12:50you mean
12:50all right well I thought she looked a bit pale this morning going to work why have you got the
12:55cut out you're not
12:58thinking of starting another family are you I'm not but Belinda started eating raw sprouts again have you
13:10asked her why she doesn't want to tell me all right oh well at her age she wouldn't want to
13:17say anything
13:18till she'd had all the tests would she what tests see if the baby's all right
13:29so which is the best way forward you're the manager you're the one that goes on courses
13:35they don't do pregnancy on courses Jenny from personnel came back from Manchester with a little surprise
13:42brewing any more post only this mr. mrs. betteridge are pleased to accept etc well who are mr. mrs.
13:51Bretridge when they're at home new micro computer firm you invited them to dinner I invited them
13:56tonight tonight well they're only it'll tomorrow sussing the ground out the firm doesn't move up till
14:01August I'll go and dig out the betteridge bump will you I'll borrow Neddy's bump digger can I speak to
14:10the manager please manager speaking how may I help you are you rustling up a sumptuous supper for four
14:19for tonight 8.30 certainly madam sardines on toast or would you prefer the pelchards I'll expect you at 5
14:27.30 for eight then madam
14:28idiot same to you madam
14:37what are you smiling at you very funny I don't think I've got a complaint yes Ned I know
14:48what is that the betteridge bump when you want bump Belinda will you kindly ask me because if you ask
14:55Jessica you will more than likely end up with the wrong bump and then what will happen hmm I'll tell
15:00you what will happen yes I thought you might the good name of the bank will be dragged through
15:04the mire as it has been on more than one occasion since you became manager here sooner or later
15:08people are going to notice tell me something yes what were you born pompous or did you have to take
15:15lessons pompous we're closed oh it's you did you think I wasn't coming were you disappointed I'm sorry
15:27we're closed but I need advice it's too late well how can you be closed the door was open I
15:33was just
15:33about to close it are you all right what do you care you're closed it's good job I'm not suicidal
15:44in it
15:44can you come back tomorrow please if you're still around now come on there's no need to be dramatic well
15:50how do you know how do you know what terrible kind of day I've had my heart could be in
15:54pieces in here
15:56which side is your heart on on the left well middle really sort of sort of swinging to the left
16:04you were gonna poke me in the boobs then weren't you no as a matter of fact I was not
16:10I don't feel I
16:12know you well enough yet I do however feel I know you well enough to smack your behind if you
16:17don't stop
16:18messing about what are you doing now all right look I can give you a few minutes oh look I
16:27can't I
16:28only came in to tell you not to wait because I'm doing something but um I'll come back tomorrow are
16:32you here tomorrow no I'm not you do want to see me again though don't you what makes you think
16:37I want
16:38to see you again well you didn't say thank God you're not in tomorrow don't worry I'll pop in every
16:42day till we go inside bye I think I prefer it unbuttoned we'll have to see what time they go
16:50home right don't eat the soup why I'll put some syrup of figs in it they'll be gone by 9
16:5530 I don't know
16:59why we're entertaining them anyway if you're intent on leaving the bank why are we cuddling potential
17:03customers maybe they'll offer you a job then I can leave quicker gain a new customer and get you a
17:10job
17:10I can't cope with this modern world I used to wonder if you would grow old and fat and boring
17:17you
17:17know oh did you yes I was wrong you'll never be fat we've got things to talk about never fails
17:29does it
17:3030 seconds to count down you want to solve the problems of the universe what would you say to
17:34another baby oh we'll have to leave at the bedroom hello hello come in you find us all right yes
17:47now
17:48then here we are ah this is David my husband hello David this is mr. and mrs. betteridge how to
17:55do
17:55Chris is the managing director of the microchip firm I was telling you about you don't mind if I call
18:00you
18:01Chris do you you can call me what you like but the name is Brian I'm I'm Chris betteridge hi
18:08oh I get
18:12it all the time women shouldn't manage banks how do you cope with it though woman in a man's world
18:18all that rubbish that's my world just as much as it is theirs right you do have to make sacrifices
18:24though
18:24some she copes with it better than most men do oh I know some of those no business in business
18:31those
18:31the yanks they've got a good word for it panty waists there are some things you have to give up
18:39though I regret never having had children sometimes till I see my neighbors brats we've got children they're
18:48away at university I think British about those two how did you manage I've got a great husband yeah so
18:57is Chris I said I said she could have as many nannies as she wanted but no way to bring
19:05up kids she said
19:06and she was right well I couldn't agree more David brought her to up made a better job of it
19:13than I could
19:14ever have managed ah right well yes takes all sorts yeah it wouldn't suit me though I mean I
19:23wouldn't know which end of a baby was which no I don't suppose you would would you now you see
19:29my
19:29line of business is entirely different no room for panty waists right oh not that you are one of
19:37course I mean it's whatever turns you on so what do you do now then I mean now that you're
19:43not
19:44um changing nappies and warming bottles I lounge around the house drinking coffee think up a few
19:49recipes David's an inventor and he does a lot of voluntary work until he decides what it is he wants
19:58to specialize in good for you voluntary work eh advice bureau meals on wheels that sort of thing you
20:05know advice bureau right yes I wouldn't mind a stint on one of those yes I'd give some advice to
20:13the
20:13sort of people who hang about in places like that would you would you really yes I would yes I
20:22would
20:22advise them to get off their great fat fundaments and do something useful for a change I mean rather
20:28than lounging about sponging off the state no no not off the state off me yes I would give them
20:34some
20:34good advice Brian feels very strongly about welfare state scrounges I can see that by the way he's
20:41beginning to spit well I think that went really well what as a meal you mean or a social occasion
20:51or
20:52five rounds with Mike Tyson he never laid a glove on me I mean what a pillock which one are
20:57you referring
20:57to okay I admit it I behave badly I apologize whatever for I thought you were wonderful oh get into
21:07bed and
21:08I'll give you a prize is that it it's just to hold you till I finish the page how far
21:18have you got I
21:22didn't want the better you can't anyway god I forgot about that by the time I'm finished I won't have
21:29to resign they'll give me the bullet put your light out by the way are you having a baby what
21:46I just
21:48thought I'd ask you know says we can start tomorrow all fresh with nothing between us are you I mean
21:55if
21:55you are it's all right it's no problem we've got the cot down seems a pity to put it back
21:59up again
22:00I've got loads of sprouts in don't you think if I was having a baby I would have told you
22:08oh you may
22:09not have had time you're a very busy woman you're not I Belinda Braithwaite do solemnly swear that I am
22:17not having a baby so help me there is just one thing though yes if you're not having a baby
22:25why why the
22:28baby stuff down out of the loft no why did you ask me what I'd say to another baby because
22:36I might be
22:39thinking of adopting one so whose baby it's Jess at the bank she thinks she's pregnant and she wants
22:52to have it adopted I don't know she doesn't want to get married I know that a single girl on
22:59her own
23:00it will be held trying to bring up a baby and make a life for herself and we have got
23:04a vacant cot I
23:07wonder if she likes sprouts so what do you think when's it due June oh she's just a couple of
23:18hours
23:18pregnant look I know you wanted a planning course Belle but this is ridiculous I really like Jess she
23:25deserves a crack of the whip who do you envisage bringing up this putative infant well when in
23:32doubt consult the experts you'd have to stay at work into each life some rain must fall the umbrellas
23:41in the hall always providing they want to keep me on of course why well I don't think Miss Betridge
23:49will be bringing her company account to my bank do you not after what you called her husband it was
23:57a
23:57level-headed dispassionate reading of his character it was it'll take me hours to get the spit off my tie
24:14false alarm oh tough not really someone she knows is having a baby and may not be able to keep
24:23it so
24:23we're thinking of putting in the low bid which means Belinda will have to stay on a bank life
24:31occasionally tosses goodies into one's lap who it would be childish to spurn them look at this man's
24:40obviously a criminal he's a Methodist lay preacher no criminals criminals are often religious look at
24:46Crippen wasn't religious how do you know Chris Petridge is here what oh god oh you cocked that one up
24:55to
24:55expect well you should let me take them out I know how to handle important clients oh I'm terribly sorry
25:04sorry do sit down Chris I can still call you Chris can't I Jessica I want a word later now
25:13where would
25:14you like to hit me I'd like you to do me a set of papers opening my account with this
25:19branch after
25:21what David called Bryant do you think I don't know he's a twit I'm married to him the only trouble
25:28is I
25:28insulted an important customer last night head office I'm not going to be best pleased with Belinda
25:34thanks Luke they came to dinner at my house last night that probably did the trick
25:42all right head office I told them we got the Betteridge account great sit down will you Jess
25:53David and I had a long talk about you last night well I should think very hard about it if
26:01I was you
26:01I mean supposing we suddenly decide to take up golf there's no doubt about it a baby would be a
26:07distinctly lowering influence in the clubhouse Charles I don't like golf you're only saying that
26:15because you've never played golf hi oh well um I'll um well I'll shove off then are you in a
26:23good
26:23mood do you care of course I care I'm a socialist don't grow up too quickly will you why well
26:33I like
26:33you with the dew still on you morning fresh I'm not a mushroom you know we thought about giving you
26:43the
26:43pram and the cot and the all the stuff but then we we had a better idea well I just
26:50feel better
26:51equipped today somehow to deal with perky young women with pregnancy careful questions I was going
26:58to say problems you were gonna say all right I admit you I'm an old reactionary but I do have
27:03a lot of
27:03experience so fire away you're different today I think I'm going to become a father
27:11again I wish you my father so if you you didn't want to keep the baby uh David and I
27:20would help out
27:21adopt it whatever we could do to help David would be enchanted of course so would I that's the nicest
27:31thing anyone's ever said to me unfortunately it was a false alarm what afraid so must have used a
27:43duff rabbit so we're going to adopt a baby oh congratulations David Braithwaite
27:58oh right thanks well there seems to be a little hiccup what what are you going to do with your
28:09baby
28:09ah now that's one of the reasons I came to see you today I think I owe you an apology
28:17she was doing a school project on pregnancy on male sexual attitudes towards it
28:25what are you doing what date thing must be bust what date is it uh 16th look oh oh why
28:35have you
28:36circled the 12th it's not is it afraid so I put all the stuff back in the loft
28:53uh
29:03oh
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