- 1 day ago
"Bank manager Belinda Braithwaite (Hannah Gordon) wants to retire, but her house husband David (Peter Egan), likes things the way they are, and doesn't want to go back to work. " IMDB Also starring John Bird, Lill Roughley, Ruth Mitchell, Richard Aylen.
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TVTranscript
00:00.
00:30Oh
00:45David
00:48Just looking through the letterbox quite right see anything. I'm nothing much no
00:54but only the front path a sort of oblong segment of the front path has postman
00:59been probably went before he came out if you had any sense cold morning if you had
01:04any sense and no no no he hasn't been well yes he has actually but there
01:07wasn't any post for us or if there was he forgot to put it in through the door
01:12well I'll see to these if you like there's not much here older I'll just
01:16leave them here and I'll see to them later if you like what is the matter with
01:20you nothing the only time you ever wait for the post is when you're feeling
01:25guilty how do you know that David everybody does it it's the first sign of
01:30guilt in the modern society I've done it myself when I was in the post that I
01:35wasn't supposed to see you got my resignation letter back your car
01:39insurance ran up yesterday I rang for a cover note but it hasn't arrived yet
01:44what's the problem I like things in place why are you eating my muesli would
01:51you be as quick in my grave we can't afford separate muesli any longer the
01:55breadwinner wants to leave work and plunge us into penury
01:57listen I stop there's need to hold my hands look fool stop looking into my head I
02:05hate it what if you don't get out of this domestic dungeon and go to work like a
02:12normal man sexist like a normal man are you listening you'll end up with a blue
02:16rinse playing whist every Thursday
02:21whists on Wednesday poverty is stalking the land like the fifth jockey of the
02:27apocalypse 90% of the problems down at the CAB have to do with lack of money any
02:32money when we got married I nearly left after three days you stayed I haven't got
02:38a showing for the bus back to my mother's look I love you I've always loved you I'll
02:44love you forever providing I stay at the bank until I'm 93 and continue to
02:48provide food warmth and shelter I haven't gone yet Louise
02:55can I beg a lift honey I have asked you not to call me honey in front of
03:00Belinda Louise all right well look if we were having an affair I wouldn't call
03:05him honey in front of you would I not unless you were trying to throw me off
03:09the scent oh well I wouldn't have an affair with him anyway
03:14why not we're still paying off the bank loan Belinda gave us we might need
03:20another one to make an appointment with Jessica I'll be late you can have a lift
03:24with me if you like oh I don't need to go till later no cover
03:30note
03:33give us a kiss you gorgeous hunk I cut it out Louise it isn't funny just from over
03:38here you look like death warmed up you do a minute ago I was a great hunk a minute ago
03:43you
03:43hadn't turned me down flat what am I supposed to do have my wicked way with you on the
03:47kitchen table why not I've always been a clean sheets and half an hour's notice
03:53man myself 10 o'clock all right
03:59how best what nothing were you imagining me nothing but knickers and jackboot if you
04:09grew a moustache you'd look just like Hitler actually I must get down to the CAB
04:15why are you going in so early they only come in out of the rain it's a toss-up
04:18between me or the bus shelter you're a bit cynical today the day got off to a bad start
04:24I woke up go away your friend mr. Tennant's causing a fuss in the banking hall we haven't got a
04:37banking
04:37hall we got a counter with three windows one of which is always closed do you want to argue or
04:42do
04:42you want to get on with the day I want you to do what you're told for once in your
04:45life okay so tell
04:48me what to do with mr. Tennant oh bring him in good morning mr. Tennant do sit down took your
04:59advice I
05:00went home and I asserted myself I told my wife to stop taking all the money out of the joint
05:04account
05:05and to stop putting it into her own account very sound pecuniary advice she burst all the tires on my
05:10car and push potatoes up my exhaust one moment please Ned can you step in for a second thank you
05:22our mr. race is an expert in matrimonial matters is he the one with a face like a herring mr.
05:33Tennant
05:33would you mind waiting outside for a moment thank you something I can help you with this son something
05:41needs a man's touch can you have a word with mr. Tennant he's got marital difficulties I I don't mean
05:48to imply that you've got marital difficulties of course I've got marital difficulties I'm a man married
05:51to a woman why do you think I need your job I'd have more money Ned money doesn't solve marital
05:58problems be able to afford a good solicitor when I get divorced but even be able to hang on to
06:03half
06:03my miserable salary when the bloodsucker strike look you want me to see to him yeah please
06:12sit down what's the problem here my wife oh you've got three answers to a problem like that
06:22one killer to get a divorce three spend more time in the pub anything else thank you
06:34is that it why don't you try the citizens advice bureau I want my next-door neighbors evicted and is
06:44there any particular reason for that mr. Duggan any reason any reason huh that'll be them now why did you
06:53tell me you were coming here don't underestimate them they know I'm here they have me followed
07:03mrs. Braithwaite here can I make an appointment for someone mr. Tennant no more time
07:09he could be with you in half an hour fine thank you goodbye goodbye goodbye was that them it was
07:20my
07:20wife as a matter of fact you can tell me you know I won't mind it was my wife you
07:26probably think I'm nuts
07:27don't you I'm just a CAB advisor I listen to problems and I try to point them in the direction
07:37of help I make no
07:38judgments what would you do if I was nuts I'd be calm patient and try to work out what was
07:48winding your
07:48particular clock mr. Duggan that's what I do that's what you're doing now yes you do think I'm nuts
07:57well you're the first one that's admitted it okay just what is it that bothers you about your
08:02neighbors mr. Duggan I don't like them probably need stronger grounds than that for eviction do you
08:09think so I do yes well I've been everywhere you know police social security town hall everywhere
08:16that's the first piece of real thank you don't mention it I may be nuts but that doesn't mean I
08:24don't need advice well if it is a forgery it's a good one if I if I tell you something
08:34you promise
08:34not to shriek at me I think I've let another three like this through why aren't you shrieking I'm
08:43shrieking inside three forgeries on mrs. Gregory's account yes I told you she thought her son had pinched
08:50a checkbook how much is she overdrawn that's a thousand-pound face if ever I saw one well it's
08:57fifteen hundred pounds it's all right though oh how is it all right well remember when he he pinched a
09:04checkbook the last time I got her to give us a guarantee facility we can take her house away it's
09:09no
09:09problem you are a very special sort of man aren't you I'd like to think so yes that'll be all
09:22for just
09:22now thank you what about this uh leave it here I'll take care of it you're gonna go soft on
09:27her aren't you
09:27all girls together that's what you're gonna do I can tell you know David is me again tell me Charles
09:38Ruby is he still your tame solicitor yes see where it all goes wrong well where I've seen it going
09:47wrong between men and women is that they persist in regarding themselves each other as the same species
09:56misunderstanding if that's the office I've gone to Cheltenham fine Belinda wants to work with you
10:02not litigation is it well not as far as I know hello Lucinda divorcing the old bugger are you
10:09I don't blame you what uttering forged instruments right well um whatever you like yes goodbye you want
10:22to look after that young woman you know very attractive nice haunches make a mistake letting
10:31her go out to work nice haunches you'll come back to me then will you don't don't listen to her
10:39she's
10:40making it all up he's white my VDU I was sitting at her desk that's all I can sit where
10:45I like I'm the
10:45assistant manager calm down now Jessica wait outside for a moment please Ned did you wipe her VDU
10:59there's a conspiracy afoot here to make me look ridiculous that's paranoia Ned don't knock paranoia
11:07paranoia keeps you on your toes this is pathetic yeah if I were handling this I'd show you how it
11:13was
11:13done what would you do well I'd hand out a final warning straight away well you think the offense
11:17is that serious do you it's not a minor thing you know wiping somebody's VDU screen it's a whole
11:22week's work mr. Tennant do come in sit down now what can we do for you my wife and I
11:38have a joint bank
11:39account and do I gather financial problems have ensued it's more than that is it what we have here
11:47is a tale of passion and intrigue and love at high noon well that all seems far removed from a
11:54bank
11:54account I mean if you'll forgive my saying so perhaps I better begin at the beginning I'm gonna
11:59have a word with someone who may be able to help mrs. Gregory I'll call you back mr. Ruby's here
12:05ah good
12:08Charles hello Lucinda what's the problem oh I would like a cup of coffee please milk no sugar
12:18bring their back are they cut seeing Charles sorry my dear actual service old but still serviceable
12:28I need some help a customer of the bank has a son who steals her cheques and milks the current
12:34account
12:35good-looking issue do you think you'd be able to do anything well I can always do something it's
12:40whether one doesn't it good that causes the heartburn here that's where it hurts deep down inside well
12:51you've got quite a problem there mr. Tennant so what should I do about it well I should reach out
12:57and
12:57grasp the problem in both hands if I were you I don't follow you go to the object of your
13:02affections
13:02and tell her how you feel what if she's angry what if she's not it can't hurt to find out
13:08good day oh no idea I
13:14can't remember if it's a good day when I lend a lot of money to people that can't pay it
13:18back or if
13:18that's a bad day fine you must have tenants a funny little bugger tenants exactly the sort of thing I'm
13:25talking about boils on the backside of banking he's got a problem I've got a problem and my problem is
13:31him sorry oh that's all right sorry I had to land you with Tennant at least you don't have to
13:39deal
13:39with him yourself though no I mean all you have to do is point him at the marriage guidance people
13:45that's what you do isn't it yes quite often then there's the AA for piss artists
13:56I do hate it when you do that ancient mariner stuff
14:02who exactly did you recommend mr. Tennant to exactly me you yours truly D Braithwaite Esquire spinster of
14:14this parish look I had to do something Bell this poor citizens being peeled by life his wife for
14:20reasons of her own is systematically milking the joint account and battering the living daylights
14:25out of me to complain you see things in black and white bell he's got nothing in his bank account
14:29his wife keeps skinning it all out see you'd be no good at CAB work though you are treating a
14:35symptom
14:36as a cause cause doesn't matter have you cured the disease which is no money and lumps on the back
14:42of
14:42his head I can't argue in an empty stomach do you fancy some chili wonderful I'll just set fire to
14:50it oh I got time for a bath that'll be about half an hour oh it's good it's always been
14:57one of your
14:57specialities that um it stems from my basic fear of women I beg your pardon well that's not quite true
15:06actually it's not even remotely true no so why did you major in aromatic curry well it all started
15:16when you went out to work and I had to stay at home in those days there were several well
15:21-favoured
15:22men working at the bank I hope you're joking any man approaching you would have reeled back with his
15:27eyebrows on fire the first oral contraceptive I tested each recipe on that ginger kitten your mother gave us
15:39that cat was black and white
15:44it was when I started
15:51you hardly ever make chili these days or curry oh no need to these days is there
16:02he thinks I'm past it well you are past it what when was the last time you had an affair
16:08look being
16:09past it is not not having affairs well an impure thought then I don't know those lately I have more
16:16time I'm not past it right name three men you'd like to jump into bed with tomorrow and David's not
16:23included three you can't even think of one was have to be jump jump bounce hop
16:30what difference does it make you're not gonna be able to think of anyone if I
16:39told you Ned you'd have a heart attack what do you want stupid solicitors out
16:43there he's got that woman with him the one who's criminal son forged all those
16:46checks you're gonna let him help her aren't you yes ask them to sit down
16:51would you I want to clear my mail and make sure they get a cup of tea I know
16:54what you're up to you know you're nibbling away at my authority soon there won't be
16:58any left well you better watch out there because I'll be a desperate man you've
17:06thought of anyone yet no you're past it and if you're not past it why do you want
17:11to leave the bank I mean how many opportunities do you think they'll be at
17:15home all day milkman postman dustman I'm beginning to hate you I've never done a
17:22house repossession before can you imagine what it's like to be my age and never
17:27done a house repossession but his real problem isn't his wife it's someone
17:33else's wife someone who doesn't even know he exists I know how he feels he
17:38invents excuses to see her so I said to him go right up to her and lay your cards on
17:43the table someone's in for a shock never mind what time's your car ready six o'clock
17:52right let me know if you need a lift right
17:58what there's a woman out here that's all right we're open she's got a cricket bat
18:06this is my wife mrs. Tennant are you the man that's been giving my husband advice about this other
18:13woman no yes in a manner of speaking purely advisory there is no
18:19compulsion involved I'd like you to take a look at that cricket bat please and no
18:28blood stains on it is there not that I can see no my husband's car is outside
18:33fine there are no potatoes up the exhaust pipe and the tires are all unburst
18:42ah do I take it then at this tale of passion and intrigue and love at high
18:47noon love at high noon was that all a load of old cobblers then some of it was
18:53most of it yes most of it was which bit was the real bit it's your obsession feel free thank
19:05you the love bit I had a feeling you're gonna say that I don't want to get him into trouble
19:14but
19:15he's in trouble mrs. Gregory added to which he is a toad what you want is to avoid losing all
19:21the
19:21hard-earned cash and what you also wanted to teach that little water lesson he
19:25won't forget it's a bit harsh Charles of course it's harsh Lucinda if it's tears
19:31and sympathy and pats and back fine handle it yourself if you think it's for the
19:35best mrs. Braithwaite the thing is if you don't get the large part of the money
19:40back somehow the bank will be forced to take further action they'll rip the roof
19:44over your head mr. G and then the cold winds will blow leave it to me will you all right
19:55thank you goodbye mrs. Gregory oh we were lucky there you know you managed to stop the
20:02deliveries little crocodile's moving into a new flat with his totti and the shops will take the
20:07stuff back as you say then I'll come round with those bum bailiffs from the county court
20:13loosen little blighter's bowels don't mind me saying so Lucinda but you look damn attractive this
20:21afternoon thank you Charles you smell nice too very evocative oh is it all right by the way to
20:31comment on the way a woman smells I think so yes I can never remember mr. and mrs. Tennant are
20:41here
20:41why are you grinning like that so I had this sudden thought and I realized that it might very
20:51well have been you that Tennant thought he'd fallen in love with me yes you well as soon as I
20:57had the
20:57thought I realized how silly it was anybody could fall in love with me old and gray and gnarled as
21:03I am
21:03becoming yes no no you're not old and gray and gnarled yes no anyway you're not and he wasn't and
21:12you
21:13didn't what didn't what come down to the bank to offer me help support and sucker that'll be the day
21:22when you need that kind of help from me you can still get into bed hasn't come to that yet
21:34got to what yet yet still a conjugal couch doesn't matter what happens to the rest of it
21:45it was me what was you
21:48Tennant was in love with night
21:57drink your coke and put the light out it's not the end of the world
22:00just the end of the day we can talk about it in the morning
22:08it's the first time I've ever been the object of a forbidden desire
22:34I'm not going to stoop to asking you who your large green letters from
22:39I should hope not I never ask you who your love letters are from I don't get love letters
22:43who's it from then you're asking I yes but I'm not stooping I'm standing straight up
22:49who on earth is going to write me a love letter be your age David
22:54why do you always call me David now why do you never for instance call me Dave
22:59because you're not a bricklayer
23:03who's it from then I don't know I haven't opened it yet
23:12I'm teasing you
23:15can't you tell when you're being teased
23:16nope
23:24I think you deserve an apology
23:26Dave why what it is a love letter
23:32who's it from
23:34Mr. Tennant
23:38why is Tennant sending you large green love letters
23:41he and his wife have decided that he must be free to pursue the love of his life
23:47you
23:47me
23:48I'll kill him
23:49that would be counterproductive
23:51it would also be very satisfying
23:53I tell you what why don't I just leave work then I wouldn't have to have anything to do with
23:57it
23:57that's probably him now
24:03oh lord it's Daisy Rufford from the marriage guidance
24:06when did they start doing house calls
24:09it's not about us it's about the tenants
24:11I should have referred them
24:13ah well
24:16good luck with the rest of the day
24:17hey don't go out she'll see you
24:20I'll pretend I'm a kissagram
24:22bye
24:24so what happened
24:26I don't know I had to come to work
24:28can you go to jail for pretending to be what you're not
24:31hardly
24:32Ned would have been an architraise years ago
24:38what are you laughing at
24:39very little
24:42your husband's just parked in my parking place
24:44Ned you're not in the car today
24:47I don't want people thinking he's me
24:52Jess
24:54I have just had the most wonderful idea
24:59now Daisy Rufford
25:01just popped by to give me a pat on the back
25:03as a matter of fact
25:03you flanneled your way out of it
25:05unkind and emphatically not true
25:08you see the tenants are the
25:10recidivists of the marriage guidance business
25:12habitual offenders
25:13see all that nonsense about the cricket bat
25:16it's rubbish
25:17they are doing it
25:19they are doing it to add a little bit of spice
25:21to their otherwise mundane existences
25:24Daisy Rufford said I did exactly the right thing
25:26as a matter of fact
25:27and what was that?
25:29I called their collective bluffs
25:31by pushing him into you
25:32in a manner of speaking
25:34in a manner of speaking
25:35I made certain
25:36that he would proceed no further
25:38good
25:40good
25:42heavens Jessica
25:47who are they from?
25:51from the one who loves me
25:55so the essence of the case so far
25:59is that you called the tenants bluff
26:02by humouring them
26:03yes it's what the marriage guidance recommend
26:05just go along with what they say
26:06who are you calling?
26:08hello
26:09it's Belinda Braithwaite
26:10thank you very much for the lovely flowers
26:14oh
26:15oh yes I'd love to
26:208.30 then?
26:21fine
26:23I'll meet you there
26:24bye
26:26darling could you possibly do me a favour?
26:29yes
26:29who was that?
26:30what?
26:31oh
26:32um
26:32Mr. Tennant
26:34he's asked me out to dinner
26:35I'm humouring him too
26:36um
26:37oh sorry
26:38hello Belinda Braithwaite
26:40ah right
26:43buy at 153
26:44selling at 179
26:47um
26:48David I'm awfully sorry
26:49this is terribly important
26:50could you
26:51thank you
26:52ah that's alright
26:53that's alright
26:545,000
26:56darling is my
26:57is my black velvet dress clean?
26:58yes
26:59good
26:59hey hey
27:00what?
27:00you can see through that dress
27:02not all of it
27:05ah
27:05close
27:06close at that
27:07yes
27:10Jessica
27:11would you take these back to the florists please?
27:13did he think they were from Tennant?
27:15not half
27:16that'll teach him to stop making curry because I'm past it
27:21now then
27:23where am I going to go in a black velvet dress?
27:29oh hello Charles
27:30oh so sorry I didn't realise you were busy
27:32that's alright sit down
27:33well I fixed young Mr. Watson
27:35blew him out of the water
27:39good
27:40yeah you know I just realised what it was you smelled of
27:43oh I'm sorry about that Charles
27:44David made
27:45Rangoon
27:49oh I was as young as I've ever been in Rangoon
27:55look I know you're married and all that Lucinda
27:57but are you doing anything tonight?
27:58only the uh
27:59the wife's gone over to her sisters
28:21where have you been till this time?
28:24out with Charles
28:27what about Tennant?
28:30Charles didn't fancy Tennant
28:32we built Anorth
28:33smile
28:35smile
28:48smile
28:49and smile
28:51smile
28:52and smile
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