- 7 weeks ago
"Bank manager Belinda Braithwaite (Hannah Gordon) wants to retire, but her house husband David (Peter Egan), likes things the way they are, and doesn't want to go back to work. " IMDB Also starring John Bird, Lill Roughley, Ruth Mitchell, Richard Aylen.
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TVTranscript
00:26I'll be right back.
00:46David? Yep? Did you iron my blouse? On the chair. Oh, what am I gonna do when you go back
00:52to work?
00:53Go out half naked and starving. Right. Is that coffee decaffeinated? If you can't tell the
00:59difference, honey? There is no difference. I quite like coffee with caffeine in it. No, you don't. No, I don't.
01:04Makes your heart beat faster, makes your palms all sweaty. I remember when you did that.
01:10Eat your muesli. A mouthful of gravel is a bad way to start the day. I made that muesli
01:17myself with my own fair hands. I don't care if you made it with your feet. It makes my saliva
01:22go on
01:23strike. What are you going to do today? Mushroom picker trials, field testing with
01:32Louise, parish social committee this morning, citizen advice bureau this
01:35afternoon. It's full day. After which I'll come home and do the rest of the ironing.
01:41Is this the life we ask ourselves for a graduate engineer? Experience of running
01:46own company. You're not gonna let this go, are you? No. That was a practice curriculum vitae.
01:52I've started to apply for jobs. Is this instead of doing Meals on Wheels or as well as?
01:57Meals on Wheels was your idea, remember? It would be a dull old life if all I did was
02:01cook the food, clean the house and do the ironing, you said. And I can't invent something
02:06every day, can I? Remember? I remember. Good.
02:11David! Good heavens, Belinda, are you still here?
02:14Yes, this is me. Still here. Can I help you, Louise? No, I wanted to ask David something.
02:20Well, go on then. I don't mind. It's private. It's not adultery, Belinda. Good. See you
02:30tonight. Oh.
02:42Oh.
02:59Oh, I hope I didn't upset Belinda.
03:02No, she's armour-plated.
03:04She couldn't do what she does if she was sensitive.
03:07What's this?
03:11What does it look like?
03:17Desmond's worst nightmare.
03:21It's a mushroom cutter, Louise.
03:24Of course it is.
03:43Good morning.
03:48Good morning, Donald.
03:53Thanks, Jackie.
03:54Good morning.
03:55Good morning.
03:58Morning.
04:02Morning.
04:03Morning.
04:04Morning.
04:04Morning.
04:05Morning.
04:06Thank you, Ned.
04:13Good morning.
04:14Good morning, Mrs. B.
04:15Good morning.
04:16Are you about to ruin Monday?
04:18After you left on Friday, Mr. Bangert rang.
04:21And?
04:21The auditors are coming this morning.
04:24And you didn't think it was worth a weekend telephone call?
04:27I couldn't dream of ringing you at home.
04:28Why?
04:29I'd have no hesitation ringing you if there was a problem.
04:33Well, I have a normal home life.
04:35Well, you have to admit your arrangements aren't quite normal.
04:38How do I know what you're doing at weekends?
04:40And, besides, you had the chance to let the auditors catch me with my knickers down.
04:46I don't deny I want your job, but I want it for all the best reasons.
04:53Of course you do, Ned.
04:54Bank managers should be men.
04:55Yes.
04:56Yes?
04:57I agree.
04:57All bank managers should be men.
04:59All women should stay at home, lounging about on silk sheets, eating Turkish delight.
05:05Jess, have you ever lounged about on a silk sheet with a mouthful of Turkish delight?
05:09No.
05:11A man would be better at the job.
05:14And I tell you this, Ned, if a man came along, they would have me out the door quicker than
05:18you could say Big Bang.
05:19They would.
05:19They would.
05:20Still, as long as it's just you, there's no need to worry, is there?
05:28I wonder who first invented a black pudding.
05:31I mean, all the best stuff is simple.
05:34That's what I'm aiming at.
05:36Simplicity.
05:38Simplicity in what, exactly?
05:41Life.
05:42Oh.
05:44Are you going to get a job now the kids have gone to uni?
05:47I have faithfully supported Belinda for the last eight years.
05:50I make her free to follow the lonely furrow of her career.
05:54Which leaves you free to eat black pudding with yours truly, the slap from next door.
06:00Into each life some rain must fall.
06:05I'm only sorry you don't fancy me as well as the black pudding.
06:08Then we could really have some fun.
06:14I fancy you quite a lot.
06:16Do you?
06:17In theory.
06:19Oh.
06:20But I know you too well, you're too much of a friend.
06:22Anyway, what about Desmond?
06:24Well, maybe you wouldn't have to tell, Desmond.
06:27You can't lie to a squash partner, Louise.
06:30Anyway.
06:32Sex and black pudding don't mix.
06:35I could do without the black pudding if you like.
06:38You might fall in love with me.
06:41Then you'll never be able to borrow Belinda's cape again.
06:43Oh.
06:45Perhaps we should stay as we are.
06:46Stop timing me.
06:48I'm due at the parish social soon.
06:50Don't forget you're driving meals on wheels later.
06:52Right.
06:54I'm riding shotgun.
06:56Oh.
06:58Perhaps we should have an affair after all.
07:00Well, I don't want one now.
07:01You've talked me out of it.
07:02No.
07:03Besides, I want to borrow Belinda's cape at the weekend.
07:13This seems to be a very well-run branch, Mrs. Braithwaite.
07:16You're a good manager.
07:17Very good.
07:18Congratulations.
07:20And may I say that you are a very good auditor.
07:24Yes, I especially like the way you turned all the pages of the files
07:26with that delicate yet graceful flick of the wrist.
07:31Is it a gift or do you have to practice?
07:34Can we have some tea please, Jess?
07:36With or without?
07:37Milk, no sugar.
07:39Are you trying to take the mickey out of me?
07:41Yes.
07:42This job can be very boring.
07:44Why do you do it then?
07:45I'm good at it.
07:46I get good money.
07:47Some days I do want to do it.
07:49Other days, like today,
07:51I wish I was a ballerina.
07:53Your husband doesn't have a job, does he?
07:56You're not an auditor, are you?
08:02Thank you, Jess.
08:05Well?
08:06I'm an assessor.
08:08Assessing what?
08:09In this case, you.
08:10May one ask why?
08:11Oh, we're going round all the branches.
08:13And how are all the little twigs getting along?
08:19You've got a cheek, do you know that?
08:21Yes.
08:22Yes, I have cheek.
08:24I also have wit, acumen, reliability
08:28and one other thing that pleases me more than all the rest put together.
08:32Mr Crisp, what is the other thing?
08:35Power, Mrs Braithwaite.
08:36It makes me shudder with suppressed happiness from time to time.
08:41I'm about to make a sexist remark.
08:44You're not going to ask me if I wear stockings, are you?
08:47No.
08:49Do you?
08:50Would it make any difference to your report?
08:52No, I'm afraid not.
08:55Mrs Braithwaite,
08:57do you think this job makes you fulfilled?
09:00As a woman?
09:02Give it some thought.
09:03Goodbye.
09:11I'll get your job, you know.
09:13If you do, you won't know what to do with it.
09:15Ha.
09:15Ha?
09:16Ha.
09:18Do you wear boxer shorts or jockets?
09:22Or no underpants at all?
09:24What?
09:26You see, you can't even cope with a sexist remark.
09:28How the hell do you expect to manage in a job like this?
09:30More and more clients are women these days.
09:33That will be all.
09:38Mr Tennant's here about his wife's overdraft.
09:40Didn't know his wife had an overdraft.
09:42Nor did he.
10:03I've told them at the kitchens that goulash was too advanced for them.
10:11i can't discuss your wife's account with you mr tennant i'm sorry she keeps taking money out of
10:17the joint account and putting it into her own account talk to her about it i did what happened
10:22she waited till i went to sleep then she hit me over the head with a cricket bat
10:29this is not a banking matter mr tennant mr tennant is leaving
10:35she says if i keep on hassling her about money she'll cut one leg off all my trousers
10:41go home and assert yourself mr tennant are you a man or a mouse i don't know
10:53keep another eight of those before three o'clock they can't all be as bad as that
10:57oh put him first so you could have a laugh before the serious stuff starts
11:10afternoon
11:16have you spoken to your bank manager mr tulley i have yes but they can be quite understanding
11:22these days oh he was yes he told me to pull myself together and clear up my overdraft or else
11:31this man earns 10 000 pounds in a good year i know that his outgoings are never less than 450
11:37pounds a
11:38month i can read you know well how the hell did he get a gold card it was no use
11:42looking at me it's not
11:42my fault i didn't issue it well then who did who else you know when they sack you i laugh
11:49so much i'll end up with tears
11:51running down my cheeks
11:53if you are trying to loosen my flag in the map forget it i didn't authorize it
11:58there are only two people in this branch empowered to authorize gold cards one is you
12:03the other is me you know belinda i sometimes think this job is too much for you have you never
12:08thought
12:08what it would be like just to be a woman again you could let your hair down it would hang
12:12in my muesli
12:13you wouldn't have to eat muesli you could eat anything you like you've got the wrong file
12:20this is mr higgins with the gold card that is mr higgins without the gold card i told you
12:27she told you she's a clerk i'm the assistant manager i don't have to listen to her i nearly had
12:33a heart attack
12:34it's because you're a woman you take things too seriously beat it while you can still see beat it
12:40no you could wear more feminine perfume reeve gauche you could wear it every day why reeve gauche
12:50it's how i think of you reeve gauche left bank out bring me the holiday list
13:06thank you
13:13you've changed this holiday to the last two weeks in november
13:18power makes me shudder with suppressed happiness
13:25it's mrs gregory
13:30hello mrs gregory i hope it's not inconvenient not at all come sit down
13:40what's the problem
13:41oh dear
13:43is it michael again
13:45he's not a bad boy you know he's just a bit high spirited he's easily led astray
13:52what's he done mrs gregory
13:55well you know how you told me to stop leaving money lying around the house
13:59well i did
14:00but now my checkbook seems to have gone missing
14:04you think michael might have taken it
14:05well i'm not saying that mrs baithwaite
14:08mrs gregory what are you saying
14:10would you please not cash any checks anyone might sign on my book
14:15when did it first go missing
14:16last tuesday
14:18well that's six days ago i mean if he took the check card he could have emptied your bank account
14:22by now
14:23he's not a bad boy
14:25he's easily led
14:28i can get you some debt counseling if you like
14:31what does that do
14:32well it looks at your standard of living and um the money you get and sort of works your expenses
14:38out
14:38tries to sort your affairs out sort of thing
14:41look i've got three kids and a low paid job
14:44there's not enough coming in to match what's going out
14:47debt counseling is not going to do any good is it
14:49well it might show you ways of cutting down
14:53if we cut down anymore we'll be eating each other
14:59and that wouldn't work either
15:02wouldn't it
15:03no
15:03the wife's a vegetarian
15:07debt counseling right
15:10ah you do me a lot of good you do mr braithwaite
15:13me
15:14you
15:15well i do nothing
15:17oh
15:17you listen
15:18you don't sneer
15:20you think it's all your fault
15:24well thank you very much mr toody i really appreciate that thank you
15:28no no credit where credit's due
15:30thanks
15:32i wonder
15:34you couldn't lend us a couple of quid till tuesday
15:38we shall be pleased to receive your assurance that you will shortly be in a position to reduce your overdraft
15:44to that amount previously agreed between us viewers and so on
15:49do you want to read that back
15:50not particularly
15:52why not
15:53my shorthand's not very good today
15:55what
15:56later on you'll have forgotten what you said and i'll be able to cobble something up that means approximately the
16:00same
16:02you're actually telling me that my purple prose is not what gets through people's letter boxes aren't you
16:07you don't want to hear things you don't like don't ask awkward questions
16:10would you like to read that back as an awkward question
16:13oh look at the trouble it's caused already
16:16come in there come in no need to stand on ceremony
16:19have you hidden my guillotine
16:23mrs graham's overshot her drawing limit again
16:25well the guillotine does seem a bit hard ned couldn't we just smack her on the wrist this time
16:29this is the second time this year
16:31parade a naked through tesco's that should do it
16:34thank you
16:40oh cheers
16:41is um
16:42is this what you're looking for
16:44where'd you get that
16:45mr goff found it on the floor in the loo
16:48he swore it was a sex aid
16:52oh dear
16:53oh dear
16:58Estelle got me that for christmas
17:00you enjoyed that
17:02there is very little fun to be had in the bank belinda
17:05and you have as little as anyone i know that's for sure
17:07very funny i don't think
17:09wait till you hear about your holidays this year
17:11oh yes i've been meaning to ask you
17:13is it all right if i change to the two weeks in november
17:17only uh
17:19Estelle's uncle in the caymans has invited it out for some sun
17:26i can't even be nasty
17:33PHONE RINGS
17:35hello
17:38what
17:39i'm looking for a bed for the night
17:41wonderful
17:43wonderful
17:43i was wondering if that was the sort of thing you came to the citizens advice bureau for
17:54time to go home time to go home
17:58we're balanced
17:59thank god for that
18:00it's the golf club dinner dance tonight
18:02it wasn't god it was me
18:03i gave ned a quid
18:05i hear we're balanced
18:07only because i made her give back the pounds she took for a cream cake
18:10please don't bring your petty nastyness to work there
18:13take it home to Estelle where it might do some good
18:15very funny belinda and i don't think
18:19it's not my fault Estelle went to an all-girl school
18:24fancy a swift half
18:25why not
18:26it'll line my stomach for the golf club sangria
18:29spain has a lot to answer for
18:31oh well don't look at me i'm from bradford
18:35i've been hitchhiking
18:36that's why i'm dressed like this
18:38i see
18:39these things are awfully sweaty
18:41is there any way i could change do you think
18:44um
18:44i could do it in here
18:46it didn't matter
18:46no no no no
18:49CAB offices are very strict about that sort of thing
18:51i won't say anything if you don't
18:58oh you have
18:59oh good
18:59good
19:00they've got a vacancy
19:01how much is it
19:02how much
19:04how much is it
19:05fifteen pounds
19:07oh dear
19:07oh dear
19:08how much have you got
19:11five pounds
19:12oh dear
19:17forty left
19:17double topper
19:23sign of a misspent youth
19:25i thought that was snooker
19:27no
19:27snooker's lusting after youth
19:30tight bums in tight trousers
19:32sit down and have another drink
19:34i can see that vein beating in your forehead again
19:37okay why not
19:38there's nothing i'll tell you again
19:39what to ring david
19:51you've got a good job
19:53you get plenty of money
19:55plenty of responsibility
19:56and your husband does the cooking
19:57god
19:58i mean why resign
20:00you've got it made belinda
20:03half the women in this country
20:04would give two inches off the bus measurements
20:06to have what you've got
20:07i see so i should just get on with it should i
20:09and stop bitching and moaning
20:11i didn't say that
20:12your face said it jess
20:13i'll get these
20:14hey you've had enough
20:16it's all right you can try it
20:24hey you see i was i was
20:27if that's for me i'm not here
20:30hello
20:32she's not here
20:35right
20:37right
20:39he says he knows you're not here
20:41but don't forget the ladies committee dinner
20:43and he's warmed your frock
20:47you see i was i was brought up in a calvinistic household where the besetting sin was to use the
20:54weekly shilling before saturday brought a new one i tell you when i die there will be a little motto
20:58inscribed on my well what is left of my heart
21:01neither a borrower nor a lender be
21:04two pound 10p
21:06put it on a slate graham
21:09what
21:09i didn't say anything
21:11no you see and that's what i'm saying i i spend my life driving people into debt
21:16if i see somebody getting rich i'll get them to put it on a deposit
21:19borrow some more
21:21the world is going mad and me with it
21:24hey cheer up
21:25i don't want to cheer up
21:27i want to be a housewife
21:29and what about david
21:30what does he want
21:32have you asked him
21:36okay
21:36graduate engineer
21:39experience a running own company mature well developed personality good communication skills
21:46who are we talking about now
21:47david
21:48oh right
21:48oh no no no no no you didn't recognize him did you
21:51not right away no
21:52you see that's what i'm trying to say
21:53i it's not just for me i don't want to see all this talent imagination going down the drain
21:59Fine. What does he think about it? What does he think about it? I gather you have told him.
22:08Well, I've dropped some pretty solid hints. Events are taking an ominous turn. She's half an hour
22:17late, David. You can't do adultery in half an hour. Adultery? Belinda, don't be silly. Well, so what is
22:25the problem then? She wants me to get a job. So? Well, I like things as they are. Hello, troops.
22:38Are you all right? Lovely. And getting lovelier by the minute. I'll see you at the dance. Bye.
22:47Bye. Hi. Oh, my God. What time does the fun start? About ten minutes before it finishes,
23:03judging by the look of you. Good night. Good night. Good night.
23:29Good night. Good night. It's not the pale moon but it lights me as it shines. Oh, you're nighty. Oh,
23:44no.
23:46It's not the pale moon but it's not the pale moon. Are you really mad at me? Live it.
23:57Mmm! Mmm! Good! We didn't waste all that champagne.
24:04Oh, God.
24:20did the earth move for you too darling I thought the bed shifted slightly drink it oh will it make
24:29me feel better I don't care Belinda all I care about is what the hell I'm going to say to
24:34the
24:34vicar why what did you do to the vicar it wasn't me Belinda it was you oh that's probably the
24:42inquisition now I'll tell them I repent they won't need the thumbscrews I really don't understand how
24:55you can do things like that what you told the vicar there was no God theological
25:03discussion and he said there was and you said if that were the case presumably he could help keep
25:08his ministers from harm and he said there was certainly that possibility it all seems pretty
25:13harmless so far then you stamped on his foot and said where was God that time Buster
25:27I can't help it I got unhappy at work yesterday I'm sorry I have to live in this village Belinda
25:36it doesn't help when you go around hitting vicar's won't do it again I'm going to have a shower
25:57he's in the shower
26:04have a nice time last night apparently I assaulted the vicar well you were there Louise I distinctly
26:11remember insulting you at about half past seven oh I didn't mind I'll try harder next time what are
26:17you been doing with a soap on a rope I tried to hang myself but it was too slippery bye
26:27Louise David
26:29and I are going to have a row
26:37put that in the post will you Lou if I don't do everything around here it doesn't get done
26:42what's the row going to be about I haven't seen the agenda I want to leave the bank the children
26:55have
26:55gone away you could go to work I want to stop dressing like a man in a skirt and I
26:59definitely
26:59do not want to slice bank cards up with a little guillotine that I got for Christmas I can see
27:06it
27:06looming up before me and I want to get out of it now we have got a three percent mortgage
27:10from the
27:11bank we'll have to pay it back and get a real one but we have three credit cards and two
27:15bank loans
27:16now the whole the whole structure of our economy is based upon you getting us into debt and then
27:21working to service it it's a house of cards you can't blow it all over I just did Belinda
27:33Belinda where's my letter I gave it to Lou to post you see that's the sort of thing I'm good
27:38at
27:38organizing you need me at home look I'm not saying that you can't leave work if you really want to
27:47good good only let's let's just not be hasty let's talk about it first we'll talk it over
27:54together before you actually do anything you had a hard day at work yesterday your perspective needs
28:00adjusting there is just one little thing what anything you've just given Louise my resignation
28:10letter to post
28:14who is
28:19no
28:20no
28:21no
28:21no
28:22no
28:23no
28:24no
28:24no
28:33no
28:34no
28:35no
28:40no
28:43no
28:44no
28:44no
28:49no
28:58no
28:59no
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