- 8 minutes ago
First broadcast 12th September 1991.
Arthur buys a consignment of wine from dodgy Herbie, which he intends to sell to the local corner shop.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Stephen Tompkinson - D.C. Park
Philip McGough - Collins
Emma Cunningham - Gloria
Charlie Roe - Parnham
Dimitri Andreas - Artemis
Julia St John - Miss Fuller
Helena Lymbery - Dental Receptionist
Martyn Read - Policeman
Sophie Uliano - Model (as Sophie Heyman)
Peter Godwin - Theo
Barrie Holland - Wine Taster
Lee Richards - Woman at Wine Tasting
Tom Weldin - Winchester Club Patron
Tommy Windward - Winchester Club Patron
Arthur buys a consignment of wine from dodgy Herbie, which he intends to sell to the local corner shop.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Stephen Tompkinson - D.C. Park
Philip McGough - Collins
Emma Cunningham - Gloria
Charlie Roe - Parnham
Dimitri Andreas - Artemis
Julia St John - Miss Fuller
Helena Lymbery - Dental Receptionist
Martyn Read - Policeman
Sophie Uliano - Model (as Sophie Heyman)
Peter Godwin - Theo
Barrie Holland - Wine Taster
Lee Richards - Woman at Wine Tasting
Tom Weldin - Winchester Club Patron
Tommy Windward - Winchester Club Patron
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:06Now, what do you think?
00:08Give me time, Herbie, give me time.
00:10These things must not be rushed.
00:16Now, they're both good, aren't they?
00:18Very good, Herbie, very good.
00:20I particularly like this one.
00:22It has a nice, light, crisp quality
00:24and a very good aroma.
00:26I knew I could rely on the Daily Hooter.
00:29Now, that, as you say, is a perfectly serviceable,
00:32pleasant little wine.
00:33It is, in fact, a Premier Cru Chardonnay from Gervais.
00:36Is it really?
00:37You know, I think it's Chardonnay all the time.
00:40Whereas this, as you spotted,
00:42is the infinitely superior wine.
00:44Look at that cover.
00:46Good, responsive tone.
00:49Beautiful bouquet.
00:51How's it a guess where it's from?
00:53Oh, well, let's see.
00:54That's, um, Down Door Doymway?
00:57No.
00:57Further south?
00:59Further north.
01:00North?
01:00Oh, no, that must be, um...
01:04Herne Bay.
01:06Get away!
01:07Arthur.
01:09This little number, which you admit
01:11knocks spots off a Premier Cru Chardonnay,
01:14I picked up last year.
01:15Pressed and bottled
01:17by the brothers of Blessed Biddov.
01:19Small monastic order
01:21nestling off the A2.
01:22That is impossible.
01:23You cannot get British wine of that quality.
01:26We ain't got the grapes.
01:27Nevertheless, as Blessed Biddov is my witness.
01:30That's true.
01:31Furthermore, Arthur,
01:32this cost me a third of the price of the Chardonnay.
01:35None of the transport overheads.
01:37So you'll be
01:38buying again
01:39this year?
01:40I've done so already.
01:43Anyone wishing to make
01:44a modest investment
01:45would double their outlay
01:46in a matter of weeks.
01:50An overturned lorry
01:50on the M4 adjunction...
01:55So which place
01:56your name was?
01:57Raimondo.
01:57No.
01:58Si.
01:59Raimondo.
02:01From Patalona.
02:02What's your second name?
02:04Stop messing about.
02:05To camera, please.
02:08Good.
02:10I don't know, though.
02:11See, I rarely dabble
02:12in the wine market.
02:13I'm not sure
02:14I've still got my contacts.
02:16Leave that to me.
02:17Mind your head, Lou.
02:18It so happens
02:19later in the week
02:19I'm organising the tasting
02:21of a little rioca.
02:22A little rioca?
02:24Introduce you
02:24to one or two useful people.
02:27All right.
02:29Is that it, then?
02:30It didn't hurt, did it?
02:31No.
02:32I quite enjoyed it.
02:34You know,
02:35you could be quite good at this.
02:37I might see
02:37if I can't get your part
02:38built up a bit.
02:39Listen, I don't mind
02:39helping you out
02:40when you was let down,
02:41but I don't want to spend
02:41the rest of me life
02:42as a cartoon character.
02:44Grow up, Ray.
02:45The money's good
02:45and you're not exactly
02:47overworked at the moment,
02:48are you?
02:48Night, Ray.
02:50Right, see you later.
02:52Night, Ray.
02:53Night.
02:54Yeah, see you later.
02:56Mind you,
02:57I could get used to it.
02:58All right, Irby.
02:59I think I can see my way
03:00to investing
03:00in the Blessed Brothers' wine,
03:02but, um,
03:03how much are we talking
03:04about here?
03:07Excuse me.
03:16150 keys.
03:17You don't be into it.
03:18So all you do
03:19is sit around
03:20with a load of birds.
03:21That's right.
03:22And I pay you for it.
03:23Ten and a half, Dave.
03:25That's outrageous.
03:26Here, how you fix
03:27this afternoon, Ray,
03:28I could do that
03:28and I'm expecting
03:29the delivery.
03:30Sorry, Dave,
03:31no can do, mate.
03:32Arthur's already booked me.
03:33Wouldn't it be up to Wilsdon?
03:34What for?
03:34I don't know.
03:35Something to do with grapes.
03:37Grapes?
03:38He's not moving
03:38into fruit and veg,
03:39is he?
03:40Fine wines, Dave.
03:41Fine wines.
03:42You see before you
03:43the next Mr. Maturus Rose.
03:44Only British.
03:45British?
03:47British wine's rubbish,
03:48isn't it?
03:49We ain't got a climate for it.
03:50I'm disappointed in you, Dave.
03:52You obviously have no grasp
03:54of the ecological changes
03:55that are sweeping this planet
03:57even as we speak.
03:58Ego what?
03:59Have you ever heard
03:59of the greenhouse effect?
04:01It's all.
04:02By the end of this century,
04:03the whole of England
04:04will be enjoying
04:05a continental climate.
04:06And what is that going to mean
04:07to the wine growers of Kent?
04:08It'll be under six feet of water
04:09when the polar ice cap melts.
04:11Ill-informed scaremongering, Ray.
04:13But what is going to happen to him?
04:14The whole of the south
04:15will become the new Riviera.
04:17Water wall vineyards.
04:18Anyone in grapes
04:19will clean up.
04:20I can see it all now.
04:22Me, in two years' time,
04:24straw that,
04:25feet up on the patio
04:27of my whitewashed villa
04:28in Hastings,
04:29listening to the peaceful sloshing
04:30of the treaders
04:31crushing the grapes.
04:33and her indoors
04:34be canting a bottle
04:35of Monferio.
04:37You're actually looking
04:38forward to global warming,
04:39aren't you?
04:40Arthur, it's serious.
04:42Tell that to the Eskimos, Ray.
04:44You can turn anything
04:45at your advantage
04:46if you're in on the ground floor.
04:47I'm well-blessed
04:48in the upper stories.
04:49Go on, in you go.
04:53It's all yours, Arthur.
04:55Raymond.
04:58Full price, as agreed.
05:00We will, of course,
05:00require the customary receipt.
05:03Of course.
05:04Let's go in the office,
05:05you mean, like.
05:06Oh, and we'll take
05:07the sample case
05:08for any potential customers
05:09who want to try it.
05:10Yes, right.
05:11Well, you make yourselves comfy.
05:12I'll fetch you one.
05:13Right.
05:31Here we are, Arthur.
05:37That is not a bad drop
05:38of stuff, Arthur.
05:39Told you, sir.
05:40What?
05:42What's up?
05:43I've got a sensitive tooth.
05:45Getting old, Arthur.
05:47Thank you, Dave.
05:48I'm going to shoot.
05:49See you in the morning, yeah?
05:50Yeah, tell on.
05:51The lock-up.
05:51Right.
05:54I must go too, Dave.
05:55It's my wedding anniversary.
05:57Her indoors is making
05:58a celebration meal
05:59and I've got to pick up
06:00her present from a bloke
06:01in Acton.
06:01Yeah.
06:03Why not take her over
06:05a bottle of this here
06:05Saint Bidoff's
06:07and see if she reckons it?
06:08Yeah, all right.
06:10One for the road.
06:13Go on, then.
06:14Give me a brandy.
06:14For me tooth.
06:15Medicinal.
06:16Of course I am.
06:28What are you doing here?
06:30I'm on my way home.
06:31Do you want to do a job
06:32for me in the morning?
06:32I need someone to drive
06:33my gear down to a location
06:34at ten o'clock.
06:35It's cash in hand.
06:36As long as I'm free by twelve.
06:37Great.
06:38Come on.
06:39What are you doing?
06:41You can buy me
06:41a bag of chips.
06:52I haven't done this
06:53for ages.
06:55I'm more of a trattoria girl
06:56these days.
06:57You can't be a nice bit
06:58of rock and chips.
07:00I'd forgotten how good
07:01they taste.
07:04What does he do,
07:05your uncle?
07:05He has a lot of
07:06business interests.
07:07And what do you do
07:08for him?
07:10A bit of this,
07:10a bit of that.
07:11Doesn't sound like
07:12much of a career.
07:14I'd do all right.
07:16Yeah, why are you
07:17on my case?
07:18I'd like to see
07:19you get on.
07:21I mean,
07:22even when we
07:22was at school,
07:23you had a bit
07:24of style.
07:25Don't want to see
07:26it wasted.
07:27There ain't no
07:27waste about it.
07:29I mean it
07:29about the modelling.
07:30Think about it.
07:31Serious.
07:34Well,
07:35I must get
07:35my beauty sleep.
07:37Yeah.
07:38I must sleep
07:38an awful lot.
07:42I just remember
07:43why I stop
07:44fish suppers.
07:45It makes a bloke
07:46smell like an old skate.
07:47It's fine.
07:49See you later.
08:01Morning.
08:02And how was
08:02your anniversary
08:03dinner last night?
08:05Don't ask.
08:06That good, eh?
08:07Shall I get you
08:07some liver salts?
08:08The agony I am
08:09suffering has nothing
08:10to do with my stomach.
08:12My misery is
08:13entirely of an
08:14oral nature.
08:17You haven't been
08:18fighting with
08:18Aunty, have you?
08:19Not on your
08:19anniversary.
08:20Her indoors?
08:21I wouldn't dare.
08:23Now I bit into
08:24a piece of what
08:25was meant to be
08:25mouth-watering
08:26rump steak,
08:27only to discover
08:29our flaming butcher
08:30haven't boned it
08:30properly.
08:31You're joking.
08:32I've been in torment
08:33since half past
08:34seven last night.
08:35Ruined the
08:35whole evening.
08:36Let's have a look.
08:37Do you mind?
08:38Man's mouth is a
08:39private affair
08:40between him and
08:40his dental surgeon.
08:41You've probably
08:42exposed a nerve.
08:43Yeah, probably.
08:45What are you doing
08:46with that?
08:46I'm taking you
08:47to the dentist.
08:48Oh, no, no, no,
08:48don't.
08:49Let's do anything
08:49hasty, Ray.
08:50Arthur, if you're
08:50quick, you've got to
08:51get a seat.
08:52He's feeling better
08:52already.
08:53Arthur, look,
08:53dentist, follow me.
09:01Can I book an
09:02appointment for
09:03Mr. Daly, please?
09:04No, I can see
09:05your chocker.
09:05We'll come back
09:06another time.
09:06It's me, Uncle Larry.
09:07He's in agony.
09:08Well, if it's an
09:09emergency, the dentist
09:09will see you straight
09:10away.
09:11Oh, no, no, no.
09:11I don't want to
09:12jump any cues.
09:13Take a seat.
09:14Miss Fuller won't
09:14keep you long.
09:15Thanks very much.
09:16Miss, that's
09:17that's it.
09:18Women don't make
09:19good dentists.
09:20They haven't got
09:21the build for
09:21pulling teeth.
09:22Arthur, calm down.
09:23Read a magazine.
09:27Oh, God, I'm
09:28supposed to be a
09:29glorious for that
09:30shoot.
09:30Oh, don't let me
09:30keep you.
09:31Go on, off you go.
09:32No, no.
09:32Go on.
09:32No, your tooth's
09:33far more important.
09:34I'll be there later.
09:36Mr. Daly?
09:37Mr. Daly?
09:39I'm ready now,
09:39if you'd like to
09:40come through.
09:47Now, what seems
09:48to be the trouble?
09:49Well, I had a
09:50little twinge of
09:51pain earlier, but
09:52he seems to have
09:52cleared up now.
09:53He's broken a
09:54tooth.
09:54Let's have a look.
09:58I think you'd be
09:59more comfortable
09:59in the chair.
10:15All right.
10:16Okay.
10:18Open wide.
10:21Oh, yes.
10:22I can see the
10:23problem.
10:25Is it safe?
10:27I'm sorry?
10:30Marathon man.
10:31It's a little joke.
10:32Yes.
10:33Would you like to
10:34wait outside?
10:39will it have to come
10:39out?
10:40No, not at all.
10:41I'll just kill the nerve,
10:43file it down, and then
10:44build you a new crown.
10:45I don't want you to think
10:46I'm squeamish, but I do
10:48have a very low pain
10:49threshold.
10:50I can give you a general
10:51anesthetic if you like.
10:52Oh, yes.
10:52Make it a large one.
10:53Very well, Mr. Daly, but
10:54I must warn you that with a
10:55general anesthetic, you'll
10:56feel very woozy afterwards.
10:58You're woozy I can handle.
10:59It's agony I'm worried
11:00about.
11:05You're the most
11:06attractive dentist I've
11:07ever seen.
11:09Really?
11:10Perhaps you'd like to look
11:11over me with wisdom teeth.
11:12You'd have to lose the
11:13milk teeth first.
11:14Raymond, will you leave
11:15it out over there?
11:17I'm being filed and
11:18crowned here.
11:19Don't upset her.
11:20Right, Mr. Daly, if you'd
11:21just like to take your
11:22jacket off and roll up
11:23your sleeve.
11:25That's not a jack.
11:27Look, you can't leave
11:28people in this state.
11:29Why don't I give them a
11:29ring and cancel, eh?
11:30I haven't felt better in
11:31my life, Ray.
11:32Get the door.
11:33Thank you, squire.
11:34How much can we owe you?
11:35Arthur, we haven't been
11:36anywhere yet.
11:43Arthur, thought you
11:44weren't going to make it.
11:45For apres of tar, the
11:47ship was lost.
11:48That's very apparent.
11:50See the gear from the
11:51Terry Thomas outfit?
11:54That's Parne.
11:55He's owner of the
11:56Excelsior Hotel.
11:57He's your main mark.
12:00Mr. Parneau.
12:02Uh, excuse me.
12:03This is, uh, Mr. Arthur
12:04Daly I was telling you
12:05about.
12:06He's Mr. Daly's...
12:07Managing director of
12:08Bulldog Wines,
12:09I'm so glad you've come.
12:12Ah, Mr. Daly,
12:12delighted to meet you.
12:14Bulldog Wines?
12:15I can't quite seem to
12:16place that.
12:16Wait till you chase
12:17this year's vintage.
12:19Put air on a billable.
12:20You ever visited my
12:21vineyard?
12:22No, actually.
12:23Oh, you love them.
12:24Run by brothers.
12:26Not my brothers.
12:27Monk brothers.
12:29Oh, is that the buffet?
12:30I'm starving.
12:31Arthur?
12:32Excuse me.
12:34He's a little eccentric.
12:36Ray?
12:37Just, uh...
12:39What's the matter
12:40with Arthur?
12:41He's been to the dentist.
12:42They gave him a shot
12:43of the old happy juice.
12:44He's smashed.
12:45He'll be fine.
12:49Nice wife, isn't it, Nick?
12:50Yes.
12:51We'll go to Spain next year.
12:53Did you speak to the
12:54drunken man with the
12:54speech impediment?
12:55He tried to sell me a
12:56second-hand car.
12:57It was extraordinary.
12:58Sorry.
13:02When he wakes up,
13:03you can tell him that
13:03after that little
13:04performance...
13:05I know.
13:05...parnum won't touch
13:06his gear with a
13:07barge pole!
13:10Uncle Arthur.
13:12Wakey, wakey.
13:15The man from Del Monte.
13:17He's saying no.
13:18Yeah, granted, Herbie,
13:19I was a bit odd.
13:21But couldn't you explain
13:22I was under medication?
13:24Look, look, look.
13:25If you could arrange
13:26another meeting with, um...
13:27What's his name?
13:29Yeah.
13:29I'm sure I could set
13:30him straight.
13:31I had to take my uncle
13:32to the dentist.
13:33Ray, we're not at
13:34school anymore.
13:35That was an important
13:36shoot for me.
13:37The boss was giving me
13:38a tryout, and because of
13:39you, it was a complete
13:41shambles.
13:41If you agree to do
13:42something, you do it.
13:43End of story.
13:44I said I was sorry.
13:46I was not drunk.
13:47Well, as it happens,
13:49he's given me another
13:50chance at the weekend.
13:51But I don't know if I
13:52can take the risk with
13:52you now.
13:53It's a night shoot, too.
13:54Double bubble.
13:56Give us another chance.
13:57I promise I won't
13:58let you down.
14:00You do, Ray Daly,
14:01and I will rip your head
14:03off.
14:10Perhaps we could have
14:11dinner afterwards.
14:12It's a night shoot.
14:14Breakfast?
14:17I am now the proud owner
14:18of a British wine lake
14:19and no takers.
14:20And you must be
14:21Uncle Arthur.
14:22How's your teeth?
14:23Fine, thank goodness.
14:25Right.
14:26Good work.
14:28And I'll see you Friday,
14:29nine o'clock.
14:30I'll be there.
14:33So, what you gonna do
14:35then, Arthur?
14:35Bung us a bottle of some
14:36Biddoffs.
14:41Yeah, no, no, no,
14:42I don't want them.
14:42I'm not gonna drink it.
14:43It's for a sample.
14:45Right, my son?
14:46You and me are gonna
14:46hit the major retail
14:47outfits, supermarkets.
14:49Right.
14:50I see you're gonna
14:50punt it about a bit,
14:51are you?
14:52And tomorrow,
14:53I'm gonna arrange
14:53a taste in here.
14:54So, bill your landlord
14:55friends and get them over.
14:57What this wine needs
14:58is an official launch.
14:59Well, you better get
15:00that wine shipped over
15:01here from Collins
15:02warehouse.
15:02I mean, if you're
15:03gonna have a launch,
15:04you'll need your wine
15:04on tap for cash customers.
15:05Good idea, Dave.
15:07Take the van.
15:07Bring the bottle.
15:08Follow me.
15:16This is a major
15:17retail outfit.
15:19These are the outlets
15:19of the 90s, Ray.
15:21Three years ago,
15:22all they had was
15:22a corner shop.
15:23Look at it now.
15:24Some drop food emporium
15:25and another one
15:26planned just round the
15:27corner.
15:28You know best, Arthur.
15:33Oh, there's Artie now.
15:34Artie?
15:34Theo?
15:37Oh, bloody hell,
15:38it's Arthur Daly.
15:39Hey, Theo,
15:39if I look like
15:40buying anything from him,
15:41kick me.
15:43Arthur!
15:44Long time no see.
15:45How are you?
15:46Never better, Artie.
15:47This is my nephew
15:48and personal assistant,
15:49Raymond.
15:49Pleasure.
15:50You got a minute?
15:50Oh, yeah, sure.
15:51Hey, taking a tip
15:52from the Greek side,
15:53yeah?
15:53Chipping in in the family?
15:54Oh, yeah.
15:55Got a bottle.
15:57Oh, yeah.
16:08I thought daylight
16:09brought you out
16:10in a rash, Dave.
16:11Detective Constable Park,
16:12are you?
16:23Not bad, Arthur.
16:24Very nice wine.
16:26As tasty a drop of vino
16:27as ever came out of a grape.
16:29Now, what's all this
16:30leading up to?
16:30A few cases of that
16:31on your shelves,
16:32you'll have the old
16:32of Acton beating
16:33a path to your door.
16:35We've never cut it,
16:36British.
16:36How much I...
16:38Touch of crumb.
16:40Have a glass of wine,
16:41Theo.
16:42How much?
16:43How about 30 quid a case?
16:44How about 25
16:45and I buy bulk.
16:46How bulk is bulk?
16:4720 cases.
16:48Make it 25
16:49for around 600.
16:50Done.
16:51In advance.
16:52Half up front,
16:53the balance when you deliver.
16:55You're taking a bread
16:55out of my mouth.
16:56300 it is.
16:58And that's only
16:58because I trust you.
17:01Don't gulp it, Theo.
17:11So the purpose
17:12of your visit
17:13was to buy a few bottles
17:14of lead frail films.
17:15That's right.
17:16A lot of Germans
17:17in last week.
17:18A ladies' night.
17:20Not picking up
17:20a few dodgy
17:21air conditioning units
17:22by any chance.
17:23Why should I do that?
17:25For Arthur Daly.
17:26No, no, no.
17:27Just to lead frail milch.
17:32Yeah, we can forget it.
17:34Collins has just
17:35been arrested.
17:36The whole place
17:36has sealed up
17:36till we've made
17:37a complete inventory.
17:38So on your bike, Dave.
17:48Her being nicked.
17:49Are you sure?
17:50Afraid so, Arthur.
17:52Oh, my God.
17:53Give me a large one.
17:54I feel faint.
17:56Yeah, that warehouse of it
17:58is a regular
17:59Aladdin's cave hot gear.
18:00This is a nightmare.
18:02I've sold 25 cases
18:04and I can't get
18:04me hands on them.
18:05Who do?
18:06Artie the Greek.
18:08Artie?
18:09Marlon.
18:10You don't want
18:10to muck him about.
18:23Not another word, Arthur.
18:25It could happen to anyone.
18:27I'm very glad
18:28you take LeBron view, Artie.
18:29And I assure you
18:30as soon as we can
18:31lay our hands on your wine
18:31we'll whip it over to you.
18:33Very kind, Arthur.
18:34I'll await your phone call.
18:40Well, that was
18:41fairly painless.
18:42It's not that simple, Ray.
18:43The politer he is,
18:44the nastier his brain
18:45is working.
18:50Oh, dear.
18:51Look at that.
18:53Oh, Theo's
18:54a shocking driver.
18:55Where is he?
18:56Don't know, mate.
18:57Oh, it looks like
18:58you're stuck here
18:58for the time being.
18:59I'll tell you what.
19:00When he shows up,
19:01I'll ask him to move it.
19:02Oh, and you can collect
19:03the car when you
19:04deliver my wine.
19:06Hold on a minute.
19:07You don't want
19:08to leave it too long.
19:09The kids around here
19:09are terrible vandals.
19:11Arthur, we could get arrested.
19:13What for?
19:14You can't burglarize
19:15your own goods.
19:16Talking about
19:16breaking and entering.
19:17This is a repossession job.
19:19It's all perfectly legal.
19:20Yeah, from the top floor.
19:21Stop moaning.
19:22Go on, do it properly.
19:23Go on, give me a hard one.
19:24Go on, go on.
19:25Don't pull your side.
19:30There's a lift.
19:40Follow me.
19:43Oh!
19:43Oh, what's that?
19:44Oh, what the hell is that?
19:46Shine that torch here.
19:50It's a winch.
19:51I can see it's a winch.
19:53Oh, you'll have me foot off.
19:56Here.
19:57Do you know how I work it?
19:58We'll save you
19:59lump in the boxes down on the lift.
20:00I don't think so.
20:01It's petrol-driven, Arthur.
20:03Start that monster up
20:04and dangle it out the window
20:05and every rosser in the manor
20:06will be swarming all over us.
20:07Pity.
20:08Well, come on, let's get on with it.
20:09We don't want to be here all night.
20:10Wine's over there
20:11next to the deep fat frowers.
20:13I can't shift this lit on me own.
20:16Oh, I have some consideration.
20:18You know me and my back.
20:20No.
20:21I'm a martyr to it.
20:22I can't lift boxes.
20:25I've got a bad foot as well now.
20:32I think you'll find it quicker
20:33if you take them two at a time, Ray.
20:37Why didn't I think of that?
20:40Then, er,
20:42take them down in batches of ten.
20:45We don't want to strain the lift.
20:47Yeah, God forbid we should do that, Arthur.
20:49Don't be sarky.
21:00This is quite exciting, isn't it?
21:06Ray,
21:07I haven't got a match on you, have you?
21:09I seem to have mislaid my lighter.
21:12It's only a joke.
21:31Come on, Ray.
21:32Last two.
21:33Don't flag now.
21:35Yeah.
21:36Yeah.
21:39Yeah.
21:40Yeah.
21:41Yeah.
21:42Yeah.
21:47You'd have to give us a hand getting this light in a van, Arthur.
21:50I've had it.
21:50Well, a strapping lad like you.
21:57You've only got this lot to load and that's it.
22:04Yeah, what's happening?
22:06What's happening?
22:13Don't.
22:14Yeah.
22:15It is nice.
22:15Yes, it's good.
22:16It is meant.
22:20It's a medium.
22:21It's a medium.
22:22Yeah, this is where it floats.
22:39You'd better get uncorking, Ray. It's filling up nicely.
22:42Yeah, you clocked who just walked through the door.
22:44Who? That plummy bloke you was coating off at Herbie's, dude.
22:47Parnham? Yeah, that's him.
22:48See, Sherlock. Marvellous.
22:52All right, Dave. All right.
22:57Got the glasses here.
22:59Yeah, is there something wrong with these bottles?
23:01What's the matter?
23:02Just tried to open one and a cork slipped down the neck into the wine.
23:05Look, the cork's too small, isn't it? Try another.
23:13It's happened again.
23:16Yeah, well, no, mine.
23:16I'll hold the cork in with your finger and then pour it out.
23:20Don't let the punters see that.
23:22Oh, no.
23:24That's all right.
23:25Here you go.
23:28That's right.
23:29It's pretty nice to be, Bill.
23:32Well, I've wrapped up a few pops of all the time.
23:34I'll be grabbing it.
23:36Mr. Parnham, we meet again.
23:39So glad you could make it to our little soiree.
23:41I hope you're not under medication again, dearly.
23:43No, no, no, completely recovered, I'm delighted to say.
23:46Can I get you a drink?
23:47Tonic water, please.
23:48I must preserve my palate, as you're well aware.
23:50Oh, yeah, of course.
23:51Yeah, Dave, two tonic waters, please.
23:54Yeah, Dave, easy on the tonic in mine.
23:57Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll go and get things started.
24:12Ladies and gentlemen, as a proprietor of Bulldog Wines, PLC, I would like to welcome you all to the annual
24:19launch of the St. Biddulph's Nouveau.
24:21It's very nice to see old friends here who've obviously been to our previous tastings, but I'm particularly delighted to
24:27see a few new faces who have yet to experience the unique quality of this superb British wine.
24:37Now, without further ado, I'd like to call on Mr. Parnham, one of our leading hoteliers, to kick off for
24:44us by sampling this year's crop.
24:46I'll give you Mr. Parnham.
25:00Mr. Parnham.
25:22Mr. Daly, can I have a private word, please?
25:24This wine is caulked.
25:27Well, of course it is.
25:28Otherwise, it'll all fall out of bottles.
25:29Oh, dear.
25:31You seem to have a contaminated batch.
25:34Contaminated?
25:40But this is Britain's finest.
25:42It may have been once, but it's badly oxidized.
25:45Oxid what?
25:47Exposed to the air for several weeks by the taste of it.
26:001,800 bottles of vinegar.
26:03I mean, if you can't trust a monk, who can you trust?
26:07It's got nothing to do with monks, Arthur.
26:10Look.
26:15I don't get it.
26:16It's simple.
26:18This sample case is 1990.
26:20The rest of the stuff you bought is 1991.
26:22Well, then that wine should be fresher.
26:25This is all down to Herbie Collins.
26:28He knew it was rubbish.
26:30He stitched me up.
26:32It's a real pity you're taking it out of Collins' warehouse.
26:35You've got no legal comeback now.
26:37What comeback would he have had?
26:39Well, through the courts.
26:40If the wine was still in the warehouse, Arthur would still have his legal rights intact.
26:47No.
26:49No way, Arthur.
26:51I wish I hadn't bought such a large chain.
26:53I've got to be out of here by night.
26:55I've got a muddling job to do.
26:56I've told you before, that's no job for a grown man.
26:58I suppose I'm better off being a burglar.
27:00Come on, get on with it.
27:01The sooner we're in, the sooner we're out.
27:02Go on, that's it.
27:03Go on, pull me off.
27:05I've got an hour, then I'm off.
27:06How's your back?
27:07Oh, murder.
27:08I thought it might be.
27:09Come on, let's get on with it.
27:10Now listen, same as before.
27:11Two at a time and loads of ten in the lift.
27:14Three at a time and stuff the lift.
27:26Have you noticed, Ray?
27:29What?
27:30How peaceful an empty warehouse can be.
27:33Oddly enough, Arthur, no I haven't.
27:54I've got to take a break.
27:59Only one more load to go.
28:02Think of the good this is doing your muscles.
28:06Very good for modelling.
28:11Oh, God, look at her time.
28:13She's going to kill me.
28:28Come on.
28:30Come on.
28:35First thing in the morning, I'll be on to my brief and start proceedings to retrieve my investment.
28:40If there's one thing I cannot abide, Ray, it's a tea leaf.
28:44You've done very well, my son.
28:45Showed great initiative.
28:47Thanks very much, Arthur.
28:53Give that box a smack, Ray.
29:00No, no, no.
29:01You'll have to have the neck.
29:13Oh, yeah, I can see that.
29:19What do we do now?
29:21Well, er...
29:26We open the gates, climb out, and walk down the stairs.
29:42What do we do now?
29:44We stop saying, what do we do now?
29:53A lesson in crisis management, Ray.
29:56Keep calm and review your options.
30:01Well?
30:08Give me some money.
30:13Coins, Ray.
30:23An elementary grasp of electrics, and you would realise this is a simple problem, easily solved.
30:33One's set back and you go to pieces.
30:35How would you have fared in the Blitz?
30:38Bombs raining down from the Lufthansa.
30:41I'm said you spent the war in Carlisle.
30:44I cannot counter your mother's slurs.
30:47There are still tales from the war that cannot be told.
30:51There we are.
30:52Now, let's have a look.
30:55Red, green, black.
30:57What's this blue one?
30:59You sure you know what you're doing?
31:00Yeah, this wire's come out.
31:03Arthur!
31:05Arthur!
31:08Ray!
31:11Ray!
31:14Well, you can't sit there all night.
31:16Perhaps we'd better start shouting.
31:18Nah.
31:19There's no-one likely to be around here apart from the old Bill.
31:21And you don't want to track them.
31:24Hey, maybe I can get out and fix the electric.
31:28Oh.
31:30We're caged in.
31:33Don't you ever watch the movies?
31:35Well, how are you going to get up there?
31:40Hey, Arthur.
31:42I've done it.
31:43Get on with it.
31:44You'll break in my back.
31:51All the indignity of it all.
31:54Hey, it's well spooky up here.
31:57You all right down there, Arthur?
31:59Oh, I think you've put my hip out.
32:03I'm climbing up to the next floor.
32:05Right.
32:07You know, there's a two-year waiting list for replacement hips.
32:13You know what I said?
32:35What's up?
32:41What's the matter?
32:45I'm going to have to go right to the top.
32:47You be careful, son.
33:16Oh, shit.
33:17Ray!
33:21Ray!
33:29Ray!
33:32Ray!
33:34Ray!
33:47Ray!
33:48Ray!
33:51Ray!
33:56Ray!
33:57Ray!
33:57I made it!
34:02Oh, God.
34:03I've ruined me best friends.
34:07Where's the fuse box?
34:09Try the ground floor.
34:10Oh, right. You hang on there.
34:16Where does he think I'm going to go?
34:30Oh, no.
34:34I cannot understand what I've done to deserve this, Lord.
34:38But I am truly sorry.
34:41And if you need a reference, I'll send a bid off.
34:44Oh, you're frightening the life out of me.
34:47Well, the electric's beyond repair.
34:49Unless you've got a spool of 30-amp fuse wire about you.
34:52I've got this.
34:56Don't be ridiculous, Arthur.
35:00Here, hold on.
35:02Ray, Ray!
35:03What?
35:04Ray, you...
35:06You will get me out of this, won't you?
35:09What do you think?
35:12You're a good boy.
35:38I'll see you at all.
35:44And don't...
36:00It's all out.
36:05You're not-
36:07They've been scouring by Charlie-
36:07It's all right. I'm coming down.
36:20Ray Daly.
36:23No, he ain't, I'm afraid.
36:24He was meant to be here hours ago.
36:26If he gets in, get him to get his carcass over here straight away.
36:30Where are you?
36:32Right, right. I'll tell you.
36:35Bye.
36:37Bye.
36:51Arthur, you've got to get yourself up here. Now give me your hands.
36:55I can't get up there, man of my years.
36:57You've got to.
36:58What, even if I'm cool, how am I going to get up that shaft?
37:01I'm not a mountaineer.
37:02Arthur, haven't you seen the Poseidon adventure?
37:05You've got to trust me.
37:06Hey, I'm going to winch you up. Now give me your hands.
37:08Will we winch? No, no, no, no.
37:10If our feet leave the ground, I come over all funny.
37:13You want to wait here for the police to find you on Monday morning?
37:15Oh, all right, all right.
37:18Let me see if I can get a toehold on the gate.
37:20Okay.
37:22You ready?
37:23Yeah.
37:23All right.
37:23Yeah.
37:24Grab me wrist.
37:25Wait a minute.
37:27Hang on, hang on.
37:28Hang on.
37:30You all right?
37:30Yeah.
37:31That's it.
37:32Oh, oh.
37:33All right?
37:34Oh.
37:35Get a toehold, then.
37:37I've got a toehold.
37:38Face yourself.
37:40Can you lift me? Can you lift my shoulder?
37:42Oh, don't put your hand in there.
37:48Oh, my life flashed before me, then.
37:53Oh, dear.
38:00Oh, dear.
38:21Right, Arthur.
38:22Sit on it.
38:23I'll wake up in a minute and find a lovely breakfast waiting for me.
38:32Four pounder, sixty, Arthur.
38:33Take sure how much you do.
38:34Sorry.
39:01Can you stop it spinning, man?
39:04You ready?
39:16What's going on here, then?
39:18Hello, officer.
39:19Good evening.
39:20Can I ask what you're doing?
39:22Just resting.
39:23Resting?
39:24Well, I was driving along, see.
39:26I felt a bit sleepy, so I thought I'd better park here and stretch my legs.
39:31Ray?
39:36Well, what now?
39:37The Poseidon Adventure.
39:39One night of former Shelley Wintersville, 50 foot under a spike.
39:46Thank you, sir.
39:49Now, keep the window wound down and take it carefully.
39:52Of course, officer.
39:53Good night.
39:54Good night.
40:03Good night.
40:05Good night.
40:28I'm not enjoying this, Ray.
40:33Ray!
40:34Come on!
40:36What's she doing?
40:38It's all right!
40:39Come on!
40:40I don't believe it!
40:42Come on!
40:43No, no, no, no, no, no!
40:49Ray!
40:50It's all right, Arthur.
40:52We've just run out of petrol.
40:54Oh, my sainted aunt.
40:56What else can go wrong?
40:57No, it's all right.
40:58Honestly, it's all right.
40:58There's a spare can in the van.
41:00I'll go and get it.
41:01Oh, my sainted aunt.
41:14I don't believe it.
41:22Arthur.
41:24I've got some bad news.
41:27Someone's just nicked the van.
41:33What time is it going to get here?
41:34What time is it now?
41:35I've waited for eight minutes.
41:38Okay.
41:39It's a wrap.
41:40Thank God for that.
41:40Sorry, everyone.
41:41Oh, yeah.
41:42Right.
41:43It's freezing.
41:44Good luck.
41:45Thanks.
41:47I'll kill you for this, Ray Daly.
41:56Ray!
41:57I know, it's no use.
42:07Ray!
42:09Yeah?
42:11I'm hungry.
42:15Hang on.
42:17I think I've got a chocolate bar.
42:21Is it milk or flame?
42:24I'll pass it down.
42:47I've got it.
42:48Hey, keep your pecker up.
42:50We'll have you out there soon.
42:57Oh!
42:59What's the matter?
43:00You all right?
43:01I've got to cry on my new tooth.
43:02Oof.
43:14Hey, Gov.
43:15Two of the uniform lads said they were up by Herbie Collins' warehouse at first light.
43:19Oh, yeah?
43:19And who should be up there but a bloke whose description matches Dave from the Winchester?
43:25Seeking the first hock of the day, was he?
43:27No, the lad said he was in an old banger.
43:29So they ran the registration through the computer, and guess whose name turned up?
43:35Daly.
43:35The very same.
43:38Get your coat.
43:46There's times like this that bring it home to you.
43:50There, but for the grace of gold and all that.
43:54There you are, bowling along, happily, thinking everything's all right.
44:00Then, bang.
44:02You get it in the back of the neck.
44:05Funny old game, fate.
44:09All ordained, you know.
44:12In the great scheme of things.
44:15Mapped out even before I was born.
44:20I don't know why the great architecture want me stuck halfway up the lift shaft in Wilston escapes me.
44:26Works in mysterious ways, you see.
44:32All over the world, there's probably hundreds of blokes in the same predicament.
44:39Be the comforting thought that.
44:41But when he's not alone in one's suffering.
44:45It's no good, Arthur.
44:47I'm gonna have to leave you for a bit.
44:49Go and get help.
44:50It'll be long, Ray.
44:52I can't hang on here much longer.
44:59Well, what a way to go.
45:03What a way to go.
45:26Check the bank.
45:50Check the bank.
45:52Raymond.
45:53What's going on?
46:09Oh, my God.
46:16Arthur Daly.
46:17What do you think you're up to?
46:20You came to see Mr. Collins?
46:21What at this time of the morning?
46:23Well, you're looking after some merchandise for me.
46:26Right, Daly.
46:28You're nicked.
46:33Don't let go.
46:34Don't let go.
46:34Don't let go.
46:35Don't let go.
46:35All right.
46:35Pull that tension.
46:36Pick it up.
46:37Get him on.
46:38Get in your hand.
46:39Get in your hand.
46:39Put him up.
46:41Easy.
46:41Easy.
46:43Hold on.
46:44Swing.
46:44Swing.
46:44Swing.
46:44Swing.
46:47I've got him here.
46:48Sarge.
46:48Can you come over here a minute more?
46:51Let that off.
46:52You've got it.
46:53Push it.
46:53Come on then.
46:55Pick him up.
46:57Well?
46:58What's missing?
46:59Well, that's just it, Sarge.
47:01I've checked it three times now and there's an extra 149 cases of wine.
47:05One damaged.
47:10are you telling me there's nothing missing and there's an extra 149 cases yeah but we've still
47:18got him though as I found this hacksaw behind some cases the hacksaw you think I'm gonna get
47:26up in front of some judge and say Arthur Daly broke into a warehouse and put stuff in I think
47:32I'm bonkers what are we gonna do then all right you two clear off I mean we can go Bailey
47:51what
47:52merchandise was Collins looking after for your uncle British wine some bit of white wine was it
48:00yeah that's bad news old son looks like Collins has stitched you up there's nothing in that
48:07description on this list he's had it away obviously but they're there you're sitting on them how can
48:16they be unless some torag broke into the building during the night and put them there it's not very
48:23likely is it yeah but you Raymond I just remembered I'll put it somewhere else come on
48:37lucky so what are we gonna do with this wine then
48:43you're gonna let them get away with that it's called cutting your losses Ray
48:47and they haven't tasted it yet you must be down a grand enough not to mention an impounded
48:52Jack don't twist the knife and I'm down 300 300 before my fee for last night's shoot
48:59is that how much they pay you even more sometimes
49:08what do you need my son is a manager you put yourself in my hands
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