- 11 hours ago
First broadcast 21st March 1984.
Terry is engaged to act as minder for the fashion collection of buyer Ronald Shyver.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Sara Sugarman - Zoe
Stanley Meadows - Ronnie Shyvers
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Christopher Fulford - Billy
Gerard Murphy - Kevin O'Hara
Sean Lawlor - Eddie
Oengus MacNamara - Colin (as Oengus Macnamara)
Bunny Reed - 'Giant'
Jack Chissick - Boutique Owner
Richard Ireson - Market Stallholder
Fleur Chandler - Fashion Buyer
Carol Harrison - Receptionist (as Carole Harrison)
Trevor Steedman - Nigel
Christopher Dunne - Irish Fiddler
George Little - Ted
Peter Allen - Winchester Club Patron
Graham Cole - Party Guest
Nick Gillard - Brawler
Terry is engaged to act as minder for the fashion collection of buyer Ronald Shyver.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Sara Sugarman - Zoe
Stanley Meadows - Ronnie Shyvers
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Christopher Fulford - Billy
Gerard Murphy - Kevin O'Hara
Sean Lawlor - Eddie
Oengus MacNamara - Colin (as Oengus Macnamara)
Bunny Reed - 'Giant'
Jack Chissick - Boutique Owner
Richard Ireson - Market Stallholder
Fleur Chandler - Fashion Buyer
Carol Harrison - Receptionist (as Carole Harrison)
Trevor Steedman - Nigel
Christopher Dunne - Irish Fiddler
George Little - Ted
Peter Allen - Winchester Club Patron
Graham Cole - Party Guest
Nick Gillard - Brawler
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00All right Arthur?
00:21Not so bad Billy, yeah it's yourself.
00:24The stock room looks a bit barren my son.
00:27Yeah, business is a bit thin at the moment.
00:29Say no more.
00:30Billy and Nigel loose tail-balled enterprises at your service.
00:34Only this lot's fallen off the back of some rather high-class Garmin vans.
00:37No, not today lads, not today.
00:39You don't believe me.
00:40Cluck these.
00:42Dior, Hartnell, Jager, Hardy Amish, Burberry.
00:48The names have been removed to protect the innocent,
00:50but you can take it from me, they're all down.
00:52That says maybe, but who's going to protect me
00:54if these goods are not what you say they are?
00:56Arthur, would I unload garbage on you?
00:59These dresses have got tone.
01:02Yeah, you know that, and I can see that.
01:04But it's not everyone who's got my eye for the finer things.
01:07It's a sad fact, Billy.
01:08The average punter wouldn't know a bit of class
01:10if it came up and smacked them in the eye.
01:12Groany!
01:13It may be the real McCoy, but people are so suspicious.
01:16But would anyone doubt your word, Arthur?
01:18Well, that's my point.
01:19How do I spread the word?
01:20Given the origin of these garments, I can't exactly advertise, can I?
01:23Get it like this. Advertises itself.
01:25Remember those class Italian jeans we put your way?
01:28What were they called again, Nige?
01:29Farooqui.
01:30Were they sellers or what?
01:31Yeah, I did manage to keep my head above water in that little transaction.
01:34Leave off Arthur, with that sort of brand name
01:36you could have sold them ten times over
01:37even if they'd all have one leg missing.
01:39All right, all right, so they were popular.
01:41Popular, the man's a joker.
01:42You were embarrassed by the money you made on that deal.
01:44Listen, Billy, where money's concerned
01:45it takes a lot to embarrass me.
01:47That's what I'm saying.
01:49And these are even more upmarket.
01:51At the price we're asking, all you need is a contact
01:53at the quality end of the fashion trade
01:54to point you in the right direction
01:56and you'll end up with a profit
01:58that'll have you blushing for a week.
02:07Matt.
02:12Hello?
02:13Terry, it's Kevin. Kevin O'Hara.
02:16Good day. Hello, Kev.
02:18How you going, mate?
02:19You still in the pub game?
02:20Yeah.
02:21That's why I'm phoning you.
02:23Listen, how are you fixed for work?
02:25Well, I'm not exactly rushed off me feet.
02:27Good.
02:28Then I've got a proposition that might interest you.
02:30Go easy with that shamrock.
02:32You nearly have my head off with it.
02:34Look, I've been put in charge of a new boozer
02:36and we're opening Saturday night.
02:38Mind them harps!
02:40They're only polystyrene.
02:42Listen, I can't talk now.
02:43Can you come over and see me?
02:45I'm on the Kilburn High Road.
02:47The Blarney Stone.
02:48Irish pub, is it?
02:49How'd you guess?
02:50The only thing is Kilburn's a bit of a slip for me.
02:53My mouth is out of commission.
02:54Look, get a minicab.
02:55I'll bring you for it.
02:57Oh, no.
02:58Not plastic leprechauns.
03:00There's got to be a limit.
03:02Listen, I'll have to go now.
03:04Speak to you later.
03:05Bye.
03:06I'm glad I caught you, Terry.
03:07I want you to drive me somewhere.
03:08What, you lost the use of your arms and legs, have you?
03:09No, no, no.
03:10I've got a bit of merchandise.
03:11Need something, too.
03:12I see.
03:13So you thought you'd harness up the old pack-ons, eh?
03:14What?
03:15Listen, I could go potty in there waiting for any sign of life from you.
03:16Listen, I've been having a thin time, too, you know.
03:17Oh.
03:18So now you thought you'd come round, click the old fingers, and up I jump.
03:19Well, forget it.
03:20I've got an appointment.
03:21Where?
03:22Kilburn, if you must know.
03:23Well, that's all right.
03:24We do our business up west, and then we go on to Kilburn.
03:25Nah.
03:26Come on, Terry.
03:27There's only a few frocks.
03:28I'll tell you what.
03:29I'll drive you.
03:30You drop me off later?
03:31Yeah, yeah, of course.
03:32Oh, no.
03:33Oh, no.
03:34Oh, no.
03:35Oh, no.
03:36Oh, no.
03:37Oh, no.
03:38Oh, no.
03:39Oh, no.
03:40Oh, no.
03:41Oh, no.
03:42Oh, no.
03:43Oh, no.
03:44Oh, no.
03:45Oh, no.
03:46Oh, no.
03:47Oh, no.
03:48Oh, no.
04:05You know, Terry, sometimes I despair of this once great nation of ours.
04:09Here we go.
04:10Arthur's lament.
04:11But, I mean, look at that.
04:12Look at it.
04:13I mean, this country's supposed to be on its knees.
04:15It's nice to know the wheels of commerce still grind nobly on.
04:18Yeah.
04:19Backbone of the nation, innit?
04:20But, I mean, it's because of industries like this that we can hold our heads up.
04:23Yeah, but it's hardly the answer to mass unemployment and raging inflation, is it?
04:26Follow me.
04:28What about...
04:29Hey, Terry, this lift's a bit pokey.
04:42It won't take two of us in all them boxes.
04:43I'll see you up there.
04:44Second floor, Ronald Shivers, Fashion Associate.
04:46Just take a...
04:47Oh!
04:48Oh, sorry.
04:49Don't worry, Ben.
04:50I'll get back on top, eh?
04:51Oh, it's all right.
04:52I'll take you.
04:53Where are you going?
04:54Er, second floor.
04:55Shivers.
04:56Shivers?
04:57Mr. Sliver?
04:58Good morning, my dear.
04:59Mr. Shivers in.
05:00Is he expecting you?
05:01Daily, Arthur Daily.
05:02I rang earlier.
05:03Do you have an appointment?
05:04No, no, no.
05:05We're old friends.
05:06Don't bother to show me through.
05:07I'll give them a nice surprise.
05:08Sorry, you can't go.
05:09It's all right, Pippa dear.
05:10I'll announce them.
05:11Oh.
05:12Oh.
05:30Excuse me.
05:31Excuse me.
05:32Excuse me.
05:33Sorry.
05:34Oh, yeah.
05:35This is more of something for you until I had in mind.
05:40I shouldn't be surprised a bit of nobility amongst this lot.
05:43I didn't recognize anyone.
05:44No, no.
05:45I mean, you're minor nobility.
05:46Count so-and-so and Baron such-and-such.
05:48Lord help us.
05:49Yeah.
05:50The Japanese adore that type of dress.
05:54You'll notice the tissue.
05:55Slapped this, Ronnie, you naughty boy.
05:57You've been fluttering on the Gee-Gees again, haven't you?
05:59Sorry, darling?
06:00You bookmaker's here to collect his ill-goth gains.
06:03Bookmaker?
06:04Oh, no.
06:05Do excuse me, Mrs Penrose.
06:07I'll be right back.
06:08Take that.
06:11Ronnie?
06:12What are you trying to do?
06:13Ruin me?
06:14I mean, I'm trying to entertain clients,
06:15and I have to contend with you turning my showroom into a warehouse.
06:18Now, what's it all about, Arthur?
06:19Just give me five minutes, Ronnie.
06:20You'll be glad I dropped by.
06:22Cockness.
06:24Five minutes?
06:28Zoe, take over for five minutes.
06:32Ronnie, be long.
06:33I wanted to ask him how I thought I'd look in this.
06:36You've done very well for yourself, Ronnie.
06:38In fact, I'm thinking of extending the fashion side of my business.
06:40You know, move with the people who matter.
06:42Oh, do me a favour, Arthur.
06:44I'm a top fashion agent.
06:45I represent the work of some of the best designers in the country.
06:48Ideal in top class, ready to wear.
06:50Not your cheap and nasty high street tat.
06:54Do you call Dior and Norma Hartnell high street tat?
06:57Oh, is that what they're supposed to be?
06:58What do you mean, supposed?
07:00I wouldn't have thought a man in your position needed labels to recognise quality.
07:03Quite right.
07:04And I tell you, what you've got there has never been paraded down a top class catwalk.
07:07How can you tell?
07:08The three Fs.
07:09Eh?
07:11Fibre, fabric and finish.
07:13Come on, I'll show you.
07:14Come on.
07:19Now, these are all the genuine article.
07:22Natural wool, natural silk and crepe de sheen.
07:26But what you've got there, I mean, it's all synthetic mixtures.
07:30I mean, look at it.
07:31I mean, look.
07:32You've even got a bit of nylon lace on that one.
07:34And look at the buttonholes, the lining, the stitching.
07:37It's all machined.
07:39Well, of course it's all machined.
07:40How else would it be done?
07:41By hand.
07:42By hand.
07:43I mean, it's all hand sewn on my garments.
07:45Look at that.
07:46Lovely.
07:47All hand sewn.
07:48Look, Ronnie, I have it from a reliable source that all this stuff is kosher.
07:52Kosher?
07:53Well, they're not bad imitations, Arthur.
07:56But kosher, huh.
07:59It goes on all the time.
08:01And it's people like my designers who are usually on the receiving end of rackets like this.
08:05Especially this time of year.
08:07A couple of weeks before the start of a new season and you're in danger of a little moonlight visit.
08:12Yeah, but the clothes you hand are ever so unique.
08:15I mean, they'll be easily traceable.
08:16Yeah, but it's not the clothes they're after.
08:18It's the ideas.
08:20Once they get their hands on a collection, well, it's flown off to somewhere like Hong Kong.
08:25Well, the design has changed ever so slightly.
08:28Just a sort of pocket here.
08:30Flap change there.
08:31Then the new range is made up on the cheap in some sweatshop.
08:34And then flown back here and marketed as an original collection.
08:38It seems to me that what you need is someone to mind all this gear.
08:49A bit informally.
08:51You got someone in mind?
08:53Yeah, my business associate outside.
08:56Terence McCann.
08:57Are you telling me you think he'd make a reliable night watchman?
09:01Absolutely.
09:02With Terry on the premises, midnight creeping will become obsolete.
09:05Well, it sounds interesting.
09:06Go on, Arthur.
09:07Ronnie, get out here.
09:09I can't take any more of this pain.
09:11Terry, have you been annoying this young lady?
09:13It's not him.
09:14Tallulah banked outside.
09:16Two more minutes of her.
09:17Don't worry, she can wait for a while.
09:18Now, come in and meet Arthur Daly.
09:20Arthur, this is Zoe.
09:22Hello, my dear.
09:23Model, are you?
09:24No, dressmaker.
09:25Oh.
09:26She is, in fact, a very talented designer.
09:28This is her first season for us.
09:29I do, of course, handle more established names.
09:32If you can find them under the cobwebs.
09:34Yes, what our star turn is trying to say, Arthur, is that all the other collections are safe, predictable.
09:39There's not one idea amongst the old bunch that anyone wants to steal.
09:43That would be Zoe.
09:44Well, she's that rare thing.
09:46Original.
09:47Public recognition at last.
09:49Yeah, that's why I want McCann to forget about everything else in my showroom and pay special attention to Zoe's dresses.
09:56Boo what?
09:57What's he talking about?
09:58Er, yeah, do you want to explain something to me, Arthur?
10:00Er, no, no, no, Terry, Terry.
10:01Ronnie's been explaining for the last five minutes.
10:03Yeah, and I was outside, remember?
10:05All right, look.
10:06It seems someone would like to get their hands on Zoe's collection and take it for a walk.
10:10So you're going to be minding it for a couple of weeks.
10:12Oh, so that's what you're here for, eh? Ronnie's high of muscle.
10:15Don't you worry your head about that, my dear.
10:17Yeah, well, I know all about hard men and the kind of people they run errands for.
10:23Right, well, the only thing we can talk about now is the fee.
10:26Um, wait outside, Terry.
10:29No, you'd better start talking.
10:30No, no, not now, not now, Terry.
10:32Listen, I can't do it once.
10:33Secondly, I don't want to.
10:34I'll be out there in a minute.
10:36Er, Mr Daley, I think he slipped his lead.
10:51Terry?
10:52Terry!
11:00Go away, I don't want to talk to you.
11:02What have I done now?
11:04Well, that's just it, isn't it? You don't know, do you?
11:06Well, tell me.
11:07Oh, I see, what I say counts now all of a sudden, does it?
11:11Get in, Terry. We'll discuss it on the way to Kilburn.
11:14Oh, thank you. I'll get there under my own steam.
11:16Oi!
11:17You see that? He nearly had my wing.
11:20Get out of the bus lane, then.
11:21Bus lanes?
11:22There's not enough congestion on the road already.
11:25Come on, Terry. Give it a miss. It's too much like aggravation.
11:29There will be some aggravation if I get in that motor with you.
11:32I mean a bus.
11:34It'll do me.
11:40Move along inside.
11:41What's that, oi?
11:42Don't worry, Terry. There'll be another one along in half an hour.
11:54So, what did you say you got to see this bloke about?
11:56I didn't. But as you've been fishing for the last three miles, you might as well know I've got a little work lined up.
12:01Eh? What do you mean work? You can't go freelance.
12:06Why not?
12:07Well, because there are certain rules and protocol that have to be observed.
12:11Oh, yeah, like the one that says you can get your sticky little fingers into anything I earn?
12:15Well, forget it. From now on, I'm on me own.
12:18Hmm.
12:30Terry, let us not be headstrong about this now.
12:33Well, look, eh, this is greedy now for you.
12:43How are you, mate?
12:44Not so bad.
12:45Yourself?
12:46Yeah, a special thanks, yeah.
12:47How much do I owe you, pal?
12:49What for?
12:50Nah, he thinks you're a cab driver. This is Arthur Daly, a mate of mine.
12:53A business associate?
12:54Kevin O'Hara.
12:55Hmm.
12:56That's handy. Saved me a taxi fare.
12:58Uh-uh. There may be other exes to be considered, though.
13:01Do what?
13:02Well, depending on the fee for the job.
13:03Fifty pounds for four hours' work suit you?
13:06Fifty sobs?
13:07What sort of function is it? A Cray Brothers reunion?
13:09No.
13:10Saturday's opening night, and you'd be getting that kind of dough
13:13because you would be the lone agent of law and order.
13:16Oh, dear old Lord, Kevin. Look, thanks for your confidence, mate.
13:18But I used to drink here, remember?
13:19Well, it was the volunteer.
13:20Yeah, and there was no shortage of those when it all went off, was there?
13:23Forget the spitting sodass days.
13:25All this is going to be a big choice.
13:27Nobody gets in without a collar and tie.
13:29Oh, that'll look lovely with all the wimpy and McAlpine donkey jackets, won't it?
13:32For somebody with a name like McCann, you've got a funny idea of Irish men, Tal.
13:36Terry, why don't you get some drinks in?
13:37Oh, sorry, I'm forgetting my manners. What do you want?
13:40Well, that's very kind of it. Vodka and Slimline.
13:42Dry martini for me, Tal.
13:44I'll get him in, shall I?
13:46Yeah.
13:47Well, whatever you're having to yourself.
13:50Cheers.
13:52I was banking on Terry.
13:55Well, things are likely to get a bit naughtier than you let on, aren't they?
13:58Afraid so. That's why I wanted the best.
14:00Well, if you will negotiate with the labour force direct, what else can you...
14:03Oh.
14:04No ice.
14:05Cheers.
14:06You think you could get him to come across?
14:08Well, there'd be a consultancy fee.
14:10Score.
14:11Pony.
14:12Done.
14:16Shows how much I need you, doesn't it?
14:18Yeah, and I suppose there's no way you're going to help me out with a Shivers job.
14:21Nope.
14:22I'm not going to sit up all night in the dark, looking after a load of frocks.
14:25All night in the dark?
14:26I didn't know you better. I'd say your bottle are gone.
14:29Tell you what, you do my job now and again. See how you like the flavour.
14:32Uh-huh, don't take no brains to have a fight.
14:34When I was a younger man, I used to take all that nonsense in my stride.
14:37Your bottle goes at the thought of it.
14:38Yeah, you've only been with me since I've been upmarket.
14:40I used to be a bit useful.
14:42You've got the fighting art of a blancmange.
14:44Yeah, go on, sneer.
14:45Anyway, I couldn't do it even if I wanted to.
14:47Why not?
14:48The Blarney Stone, remember?
14:50I've just agreed to work there Saturday night, haven't I?
14:52So?
14:53So I can't be in two places at once?
14:55Ah, pub jobs, they're ten a penny.
14:57Yeah, well, I ain't proud.
14:58No.
14:59No.
15:00You're too sniffy to take a soft number with a quality, though, aren't you?
15:02The way we've been scratching around these last few weeks, I'm very tempted to do it myself.
15:07All right, all right.
15:08What?
15:09You stand in for me Saturday night while I'm at the boozer, and I'll do the rest of the fortnight.
15:13No, no, no. Hold on, Terry, hold on.
15:15Nah, I'll be a doddle for you, son.
15:17Especially at your age.
15:23God, dear, look at this.
15:28Oh, you're making heavy weather of that, Terry.
15:31I'll be better off on the floor.
15:33No, no, no, no. Perseverance, my son. It'll be well worthwhile.
15:36That is a top-quality camp bet.
15:38Do what?
15:39I'll tell you what, the winos on the embankment would get a better nice kit than me.
15:42Yeah, that's a great idea for you.
15:44After I've brought it along myself at no small inconvenience.
15:47I'm sorry.
15:48That's all right.
15:49And look, don't worry about paying me now. I'll dock it off your wages.
15:52You're all art, you are.
15:54Yeah, I know.
15:55Oh!
15:56Mind your fingers.
16:00This is not very convenient, Arthur. I trust they won't be there for long.
16:04Of course not. Dave, I can't leave them in the motor. They're like gold bullion.
16:07I know. Well, I hope that the rightful owner don't turn up and claim them.
16:10I am the rightful owner.
16:12Oh, yeah?
16:13Of course I am.
16:14I've got invoices, receipts, everything from customs and excise.
16:17Foreign, are they?
16:18Yeah, some of them, yeah.
16:19Hey, when's your good lady's birthday?
16:21Oh, I don't know. A couple of months time.
16:23This could be your lucky day.
16:25I hope not.
16:26Dave, pass over that top box, will you? I'll show you something.
16:30She's 12, isn't she, your good lady?
16:32I think she's going to be 39 again.
16:34No, no, she's a 12, Dave. Trust me, excuse me.
16:36No problem at all.
16:38Now, you have a look at this. Hang on with that, boys, will you?
16:41Look at that.
16:42Isn't that beautiful?
16:44Is it?
16:45Oh, of course it is. Christine Dior.
16:47Christian.
16:48Oh, I don't know. I suppose she could be. Seems a nice lady.
16:51She's a fella, Arthur.
16:53Who told you that?
16:54It's a well-known fact.
16:55Oh, you don't know where you are these days, do you?
16:58Anyway, the point is that this comes from his or her shop in Paris.
17:03And I'll tell you this, her indoors would be living if I don't give her first refusal.
17:07Well, I think her indoors would have first refusal, right?
17:10Wrong size, Dave.
17:11Now, look, have a look at this.
17:12This is what we call a creation.
17:15Oh, yeah.
17:17Looks just like a dress to me.
17:19I know, Dave, but that's because you are not familiar with the three F's.
17:22I beg your point.
17:23Fibre, finish, and, um, what do you call it?
17:27Material.
17:28Well, that ain't an F either.
17:30Yeah, fabric, fabric. That is what we call it in the Demi Monde.
17:32Oh, I thought it was called haute couture.
17:35Well, yes, yes, that is a similar phrase, Dave.
17:37I seem to be talking to someone who's a bit of an expert.
17:40Yeah, well, I do like the thumbs through the pages of Vogue from time to time.
17:44Well, in that case, have a butcher's at them buttonholes.
17:47Buttonholes.
17:48And stitched.
17:49Stitched up, more like.
17:50How would I do that to you, Dave?
17:52Oh, hello, Ted. Hang on a second.
17:53You don't mind, do you?
17:54He's about the same shape and size as your mitt, isn't he?
17:56He's centre.
17:57Now, just hold it up there.
17:58Give him another.
17:59There you go.
18:00What are people going to think?
18:01Not these days, Ted.
18:02Look at that.
18:03Yeah, go on.
18:04Give us a twirl.
18:05Like the models do on the cakewalk.
18:06Go on.
18:07Where'd you go?
18:08Get a picture, Dave?
18:09See?
18:10Simple cocktail dress.
18:11Formal, but casual from them little functions at the Hilton or at home with your friends.
18:14It is nice, Arthur.
18:15I'll give it that.
18:16It's very nice.
18:17I thought you'd like it.
18:1880 softs to you.
18:1918 pounder.
18:20Oh, you are a wicked character, Dave.
18:21Eight tenners.
18:22That is an original.
18:23So are you, Arthur.
18:24One more word from you, Arthur.
18:25I'll get you to settle your slate.
18:27A bit strong, Arthur.
18:28You are?
18:29Oh, yeah.
18:30Tell you what, Ted.
18:31Do not suit you.
18:32Yeah.
18:33You don't fancy it, do you?
18:34Hi, Arthur.
18:35Hi, Arthur.
18:36Here.
18:37This place stinks of vindaloo.
18:38Yeah, that old take-away does linger a bit, doesn't it?
18:39It's time to boil it.
18:40It's got right into the garments.
18:41Well, what am I supposed to do?
18:42Starve?
18:43You didn't go out-collect it, did you?
18:44No.
18:45No.
18:46No.
18:47No.
18:48No.
18:49No.
18:50No.
18:51No.
18:52No.
18:53No.
18:54No.
18:55No.
18:56No.
18:57No.
18:58No.
18:59No.
19:00No.
19:01No.
19:02No.
19:03I'll phone the old Bombay Grab.
19:04I've delivered it.
19:05The Bombay Grab?
19:06Yeah.
19:07Well, tonight, McCann, no foreign food.
19:10Yeah, all right.
19:12All right.
19:13Fine.
19:14I'll have fish and chips.
19:17With lashings of salt and vinegar.
19:19That old cigar doesn't have pen and ink, doesn't it?
19:22Shut up.
19:30Oops, sorry, love.
19:32My fault.
19:33I'm not looking well.
19:34Zoe.
19:35Terry.
19:36Every time we meet, something falls on the floor.
19:37We ought to play pass the parcel.
19:39I'd only drop it again.
19:40I'm still half asleep.
19:41Half asleep?
19:42I've done a full day's work at your governor's place up west.
19:44Meaning us creative types lie in bed half the morning.
19:48Tell you what, you don't half look different.
19:50Oh, my clothes.
19:51Well, you get suited up when you go to a function, right?
19:55And when you're working, you dress down.
19:57And me, it's the other way around.
19:59I'll get changed later in the day, but why should I be permanently on parade?
20:03Yeah, but you're a fashion designer, aren't you?
20:05Well, you're supposed to be an odd man.
20:07Do you walk around in obnailed boots all day?
20:09Obnailed boots?
20:10I thought you were supposed to know about odd men.
20:12I've got brothers.
20:13I've been out with fellas like you.
20:15All macho and muscle on top, marshmallows underneath.
20:18Not me.
20:19Art of iron, nerves of steel.
20:21Done any boxing?
20:22Me, yeah.
20:23Yeah, lots.
20:24Any good?
20:25Well, I'm not too shabby.
20:26I was just on my way to the gym now, as it happens.
20:28Well, that's a shame.
20:29I was about to tempt you with an offer you couldn't refuse.
20:31A cup of instant coffee.
20:33Well, do you live round here, then?
20:36Number 13.
20:38Eh?
20:39I'll tell you what, I might pop in on the way home.
20:41They'll take you up on your offer.
20:42Yeah, all right.
20:50Are the aimers on my rails, Arthur?
20:52That's all I'm short of.
20:53Look, Gerry, look at that.
20:54I mean, look, go on, have a look.
20:56Show me a single fault in the workmanship.
20:58It's not that, Arthur.
20:59If I put those alongside my regular stock,
21:01I'll have the law round here in no time flat.
21:03Well, sew your own labels in.
21:05No.
21:06It's too upmarket for me.
21:08This ain't arids, you know.
21:12Now, tell me, where did you learn to be a designer, eh?
21:15Art school.
21:17Art school?
21:18Really?
21:21Well, do you enjoy it, do you?
21:23Yeah.
21:24Yeah.
21:25That's what I'm good at, innit?
21:26And it gives one the chance to mix with a better class of person.
21:31You didn't seem too impressed with them yesterday.
21:33Oh, come on, that lot.
21:35That lot made me want to start scratching.
21:38Well, what about Shivers?
21:39I mean, you're not too fond of him either, are you?
21:42No, not a lot.
21:44So why did I get involved with him?
21:47Well, the thought I had flitted across my mind, yeah.
21:52How can I explain it to you?
21:56When you were in boxing, how much did you make on a good night?
22:00A good night? I don't know.
22:02About 200 quid, I suppose.
22:04And the promoters?
22:07Yeah, I know what you mean, a lot more than that.
22:09And how many of them blokes are still making a living fighting, eh?
22:12What, now? None of them, I wouldn't think.
22:14No, but the promoters are still going strong, aren't they?
22:17It's a fairly safe bet, yeah.
22:19Look, what is all this about promoters?
22:21If Shivers was in boxing, what do you think he would be?
22:24Well, there wouldn't have been a lot of chance of him taking a right hand, I suppose.
22:27Not in the ring, anyway.
22:29No.
22:30But you did, didn't you, eh?
22:31For what, £200 on a good night?
22:33I fought the British champion once.
22:35And you were a contender, eh?
22:37Yeah.
22:38Along with how many others?
22:40I'm not having a go at you, Terry, but it's the same all over the bloody place.
22:43The town's calling with contenders.
22:45And Shivers gives me exactly the same line.
22:48Work like a dog for Mickey Mouse money.
22:51And then you get a shot at the title, only somehow it never happens.
22:55Before you know it, you're replaced by another bleeding contender.
22:58Yeah, but if the promoters don't back you, you've got no chance, have you?
23:01Right, they've got it well signed up, haven't they?
23:04I've got Shivers sauce, though.
23:06I'm going to stay there till I get my name known.
23:08Then he gets the big E.
23:10Yeah, well in the meantime, a girl's got to eat, hasn't she?
23:13Tell you what, I'll take you out for a nice Chinese, shall I?
23:15Proper one.
23:16Sit down, John.
23:17Well, it's got to be better than cheese, isn't it?
23:20Laurie, I am offering you exclusivity at knock-down prices.
23:25I tell you, my son, stick these on their hangers, and before the creases can drop out, you'll be asking me for more.
23:30Oh, for just to hold up a minute.
23:32Take a look at my customers.
23:35Degenerates, I'm catering for degenerates.
23:38It's not my taste, but it's a living.
23:40So bring a little refinement into their lives.
23:42No, I don't think so.
23:43Now, if you don't mind, I'm getting enough sideways glances as it is.
23:47If you hang on much longer with that stuff, my reputation's finished.
23:50Laurie, Norma Artlow.
23:52She used to dress royalty.
23:54Why didn't you say so?
23:55The idea next time Princess Margaret drives in the Senate off the peg.
23:58I knew it was useless offering you anything of quality.
24:01Hey!
24:02Arthur!
24:03Arthur!
24:04Arthur!
24:05Hear a minute.
24:06Are you a couple of deaf men, or what?
24:08No.
24:09I'm just speechless at the nerve of you two.
24:10Tooting me up like that after slipping me this moody gear.
24:11Moody gear?
24:12My own fault for not looking closer.
24:13That's what you get for taking people on trust.
24:14You mean those dresses are Sexton Blake's?
24:15Oh, they fakes.
24:16Machine finishing, synthetic fabrics.
24:17And my life is the same thing.
24:18I don't know.
24:19I don't know.
24:20I don't know.
24:21I don't know.
24:22I don't know.
24:23I don't know.
24:24I don't know.
24:25I don't know.
24:26I don't know.
24:27I don't know.
24:28I don't know.
24:29I don't know.
24:30I don't know.
24:31I don't know.
24:32I don't know.
24:33You don't want them back either, do you?
24:35Well.
24:36I'll tell you what I'm prepared to do.
24:38We'll take them off your hands if you'll accommodate us in a little proposition we want
24:42to put to you.
24:43Thank God I found you.
24:44I need a score.
24:45Oh, not now, Terry.
24:46No.
24:47I've got problems.
24:48Billy and Nigel want to store some stuff at the lockup for a few hours Saturday night.
24:50They're an example to us all those two, aren't they?
24:51I mean, the way they work those unsociable hours.
24:52There's nothing shady about it.
24:53Well, with Billy and Nigel, the way they flit about, I bet they've forgotten what daylight
24:54is.
24:55Anyway, if it's all above-borne, what's the problem?
24:56Saturday night?
24:57Ain't good I found you. I need a score.
25:01Oh, not now, Terry, no. I've got problems.
25:03Billy and Nigel want to store some stuff at the lock-up for a few hours Saturday night.
25:07They're an example to us, all those two, aren't they?
25:09I mean, the way they work those unsociable hours.
25:11There's nothing shady about it.
25:14With Billy and Nigel, the way they flit about, I bet they've forgotten what daylight is.
25:17Anyway, if it's all above-born, what's the problem?
25:20Saturday night.
25:21So?
25:22Well, that's the night I have to stand in for you at the showroom.
25:25Give them the keys, they're big boys. They can unlock it themselves, can't they?
25:28Oh, come on, Terry. There's a lot of valuable gear in my lock-up.
25:31I mean, I know they're business associates of mine, but there's no reason to put temptation in their way.
25:36You're such a trusting soul, aren't you?
25:38Look, give us a tenner if you're pushed.
25:40Look, you might at least try and help me.
25:42I don't see what I can do.
25:43I'll sub out that pump job to someone else.
25:46I can't do that. Kevin wants me.
25:48Well, I can't let Billy and Nigel down, and I can't let Kevin down.
25:52What are you on the tap for, anyway?
25:54I thought we'd take little Zoe out to the old Peking Palace.
25:57Oh, no. You're better off away from that sort, Terry.
26:01Very funny people, them frock designers.
26:03Especially the ones from Bethnal Green.
26:05Well, you should know after your performance at Shyster's showroom.
26:08Shyvers.
26:10Look, just give us a sub, will you?
26:11I'll see what I can do.
26:13Will you?
26:14I won't forget this, Terry.
26:17And the other one.
26:18What time are you meeting Nigel and Billy?
26:23Midnight-ish.
26:24Well, that should be all right, then.
26:25Don, get away from the booze, and I'll set you on your way.
26:28What, you mean I've still got a guard, that showroom?
26:30It's the best I can do, mate.
26:31See you later.
26:32Have a nice meal.
26:32Come on, Ronnie.
26:55Arthur.
26:57Where's McCann?
26:58Oh, he's coming on later.
26:59I'm standing in for him till midnight.
27:01You?
27:01Now, don't you start.
27:03I've had enough of that from Terry.
27:04I mean, I have done a bit in my time, you know.
27:06I'm well aware of that, Arthur.
27:08And even though the old mean streak might be hampered by all that bulk,
27:11I bet you've got a few tricks up your sleeve, eh?
27:13No, no, it's just I want you to be sensible.
27:15See, if anyone comes creeping round here at night while you're in charge,
27:20no heroics, right?
27:22I mean, some of those psychopaths with sawn-off shotguns
27:25don't stop to ask questions.
27:27And I'll tell you, much as I value that collection,
27:29well, if anything should...
27:32If anything should happen to you, Arthur,
27:36I'll never forgive myself.
27:38So, look, you hold the fault till Terry comes.
27:40What time?
27:40Twelve o'clock?
27:41Yeah.
27:41Right.
27:42Now, remember, low profile, right?
27:47Ciao.
27:47Terry.
27:59Terry.
28:13Give us off a lager.
28:14Come on, cheer up.
28:17The band's not that bad, is it?
28:18Those brewers make me smile.
28:21They've got about as much idea about Irishmen as you have.
28:25Not content with outing the disco
28:27and stacking the jukebox full of Jim Reed's records.
28:31I'll have to bring this lot in for openers.
28:33Who are they?
28:34The Shamrocks.
28:36Leave off.
28:37You're getting me at it, aren't you?
28:38I wish I was.
28:40Well, that's not my scene,
28:41but most of the punters in here are Irish anyway, aren't they?
28:44That's right.
28:45And they're not amused.
28:47No, I can see how they might think
28:49that someone's having a go at them.
28:50You said it.
28:51And having a bunch of Aran sweaters
28:53churning a diddly-diddly-diddly-dee
28:55all evening is going to put the tin lid on it.
28:57Good, bye.
28:58Good, bye.
29:27Good, bye.
29:57Good, bye.
30:27Gary McCann.
30:46God, dear old Lord, are you still drinking here?
30:48Only just.
30:50You're impressed?
30:51For having us on.
30:52Got to be.
30:53It can't get much worse, can it?
30:55Can it, you haven't seen it just walked in.
30:58Where did they get that lot from?
30:59Rent it, Nick?
31:00They're not true.
31:01Are you sure the brewery hasn't designed this lot as well?
31:04I don't know, mate.
31:05I take it from the goutage you're on the phone.
31:07I'm just here to keep a bit of order vessel.
31:09Well, good luck to you.
31:10Oh, Jesus.
31:11Have you seen the size of him?
31:13It's not real.
31:14Tell me it's not real.
31:15If one of them says top of the morning, I'll be gor I'm off.
31:18Oh, my goodness.
31:19I know.
31:21So what?
31:23It's not real.
31:30It's not real.
31:31It's not real.
31:33Bell rings
31:44Bell rings
31:51Bell rings
32:03We're in company here.
32:32Keep calm, keep calm. The man just wants a bit of service, all right?
32:36That's right.
32:38I want a waiter. I want to call one.
32:40Here, have a seat. Cracking that joke must have taken its toll on your brain.
32:44No, you stay where you are and give your own brain a rest.
32:50What's that? I want a pint. Pull it off.
32:54You can put the flowers back in the vase. Give it us in a straight glass.
32:58Bloody dimples and handlers you can't get your fingers through.
33:02We'd help if we didn't have a hand like a bunch of bananas.
33:05Yeah, that's how these glasses get dimples, Paddy, from blokes like you squeezing them too hard.
33:10Listen, that's straight. Is that all right? All right?
33:13One time you've been something to delegate about.
33:15It's a bit cloudy.
33:17What do you want for 85? It's a thunderstorm.
33:22Leave it out, Nick.
33:24So long!
33:26One, two, three.
33:28Sold off!
33:29Oh, hey! Do something!
33:30Yeah!
33:31Oh, jeez!
33:32Oh, jeez!
33:33Ah!
33:34Oh, jeez!
33:35Ah!
33:36Ah!
33:37Ah!
33:38Ah!
33:39Ah!
33:40Ah!
33:41Ah!
33:42Ah!
33:43Ah!
33:44Ah!
33:45Ah!
33:46Ah!
33:47Ah!
33:48Ah!
33:49Ah!
33:50Ah!
33:51Ah, ah!
33:52Ah!
33:53Ah!
33:54Ah!
33:55Ah!
33:56Ah!
33:57Ah!
33:58Ah!
33:59Ah!
34:00Ah!
34:01Ah!
34:02Gö passed away!
34:03Ah!
34:05Ah!
34:06They're destroying all the furniture!
34:08Ah!
34:09You!
34:10Ah!
34:11Ah!
34:12Ah!
34:13Ah, ah, ah!
34:14Ah!
34:15I'm redeemed to stop all this!
34:16Ah!
34:17Ah!
34:18Ah!
34:19Oldy, oldy, old oldy!
34:21Listen, Jack!
34:23Jesus!
34:25Where's he coming?
34:28I can't believe you, Al.
34:30Where are we at, where are we at?
34:31Don't love, honey, don't love.
34:35Oh, no!
34:36Oh, Jesus!
34:37Where are you going?
34:49Always gets them on their feet, that one.
35:19PHONE RINGS
35:26Hello?
35:30Terry?
35:31Arthur, listen.
35:32There's been a right bull and cow down here.
35:34I'm standing in what's left of a pub.
35:36Terry, you must get over here.
35:37No, you've never seen anything like it, mate.
35:39Well, never mind all that, Terry.
35:40I want you over here right away.
35:42Ah, no, that's just it, mate. I can't.
35:43Terry, Terry, you've got...
35:45No, well, the old bill are here.
35:46They're taking a few statements.
35:47I've got to hang around.
35:48I'm being invaded.
35:49The doorbell won't stop ringing.
35:51Well, why don't you answer it?
35:53What, and have me head pulled off me shoulders
35:55by some gorilla in a balaclava helmet?
35:57Arthur, how many villains do you know
35:59coming through the front door?
36:00Well, perhaps they have a case in the place
36:02to see if there's anyone in residence.
36:03All right, maybe, yeah.
36:04I'll look over as soon as possible, all right?
36:06Midnight, Terry.
36:07I can't keep Billy and Nigel waiting.
36:09Arthur, don't you dare leave that collection.
36:11Look, I've already got to open the warehouse for them.
36:14Arthur!
36:15All right.
36:16All right.
36:17Then, I'll see you.
36:18All right then.
36:19I'll see you.
36:20All right now.
36:21Okay.
36:22All right.
36:23All right.
36:24Let's go.
36:25All right.
36:26All right.
36:27All right.
36:28All right.
36:29I'll see you.
36:30All right.
36:31All right.
37:32You're okay. I'll see you later, Mike.
38:02You're okay.
38:32What are you doing?
38:46What are you doing here?
38:49Zoe phoned me.
38:50Did you open this?
38:52Look, I've only just arrived.
38:53Should we go up, eh?
38:54See if you want.
38:55Come on.
38:56It's funny, though.
38:58No sign of damage anywhere.
39:02Oh, dear.
39:03Just your stuff, eh?
39:05Fuck.
39:06Nothing else as much as ruffled.
39:08Straight in and out.
39:10Not a mark to be seen.
39:11Not that they would have come up against much opposition.
39:13Are you trying to say something?
39:16I am saying it.
39:17I was leaning on that doorbell for ages earlier on, Terry, for all the good it did me.
39:22And why would you come popping in here at this time of night, eh?
39:25To check up on you.
39:26Oh, really?
39:27Yeah, really.
39:28Where were you, Terry?
39:29I was out on another job.
39:31Arthur was standing in for me.
39:33Well, an able deputy he turned out to be, didn't he?
39:36And what's that supposed to mean?
39:37I'll tell you what it bloody means.
39:40Look around here.
39:41There's no sign of a struggle.
39:43An even less sign of Arthur.
39:46Have you called the old bill?
39:47That waste of time.
39:49Break-ins at ten a penny just before collections are due to be shown.
39:52Stuff gets nicked old as hell.
39:54Yeah, I didn't think you'd be too anxious to get in touch with him.
39:57Yeah, and if I did, I wouldn't waste any time pointing them in your direction.
40:01Oh, yeah?
40:03Arthur comes here with bent dresses.
40:05And gets me to take you on to look after my stock.
40:08I must need my bumps feeling.
40:11Listen, you schmuck.
40:13You'll have a few more bumps to have steel if you don't button it.
40:16Just a minute.
40:16Don't you threaten me, McCann.
40:17Oh, no.
40:18No, I can have you seen to.
40:19By men who would take you apart without raising a sweat.
40:23And I will, too.
40:24You and Arthur.
40:25So just brush up your act and stop insulting my intelligence.
40:28Now, look, hang on.
40:30I'll see you tomorrow in the office.
40:32And if I don't like what you've got to tell me, well, er...
40:35You and Arthur will be getting a little visit.
40:41Come on, you.
40:42We'd better go and see what Arthur has to say.
40:50Arthur!
40:51Arthur!
40:52I knew it.
40:53I bloody knew it.
40:54Now, be fair.
40:55I had to open up for Billy and Nigel.
40:56My word is my bond.
40:57Ronnie would understand that.
40:59You just couldn't say no to a double earner, could you?
41:01Now, look, Terry.
41:01But while you were scuttling over here to make your shady rendezvous, someone tiptoed in behind
41:06you and made off with Zoe's collection.
41:08No.
41:09Oh, yes.
41:10And gentleman Ronnie Shivers lost no time in putting you and me up in the frame as number
41:14one suspects.
41:14What?
41:15You call me irresponsible, do you?
41:17Of course, Benny.
41:17No, no, no, no, no, there's Billy and Nigel now.
41:20It's you who don't give a monkey, isn't it?
41:21Take the money and run.
41:22That was always your game, wasn't it?
41:23Well, you come badly unstuck this time, sunshine.
41:25Boy, McCann, never mind a sermon.
41:27Explain this lot.
41:29What?
41:29What?
41:30My collection.
41:33Oh, you die.
41:34Yeah.
41:34What's this, tell?
41:36Citizen's arrest?
41:37I don't believe this.
41:39Convince me.
41:40What are you talking about?
41:42This is the gear that Arthur should have been looking after while he was waiting for you.
41:46Arthur?
41:47Looking after these dresses?
41:49What's the joke?
41:50Oh, it's nothing.
41:51It's only the geezer we lifted this lot for told us we'd have no trouble.
41:54Said there'd only be some spineless old dollop looking after it and he'd probably faint as
41:57soon as he saw us.
42:00So who else knew you were minding the shop?
42:03Spineless old dollop?
42:04Was he talking about me?
42:05This was supposed to be a private arrangement between us two, wasn't it?
42:08Does that sound like me to you?
42:10Well, somebody knew you were there, right?
42:12Who?
42:13Well, only Ronnie.
42:15But he wouldn't talk about me like that.
42:16He holds me in very high regard.
42:18Ronnie?
42:19Yeah.
42:20He was there when I went on duty.
42:22Oh, well, that's it then, isn't it?
42:23Listen, the bloke who hired you.
42:25Was he called Chivers?
42:26Don't know, tell.
42:27Didn't ask for references, know what I mean?
42:29Well, he's a middle-aged geezer.
42:30Felt his handwriting.
42:31Big lardy and a carnation.
42:33You got it?
42:34But why would he want to lift his own gear?
42:37It's not his gear, it's my gear.
42:39A stunt like this would make it his, though.
42:41He'd done a hundred times the amount than if he was just my agent.
42:44But why get us to mind it?
42:46Look at our form.
42:48I mean, if that all goes missing, who are they going to be likely to suspect, eh?
42:52We must have come gift-wrapped for this.
42:54Look, what happens now?
42:56Don't know.
42:57We part company with it here and some other fellas pick it up later on.
43:01You don't know where it's going?
43:03Is it going to Hong Kong?
43:05Could be.
43:06It's going out of the country, I do know that.
43:08Oh, no, it ain't.
43:10Listen, these other fellas, do they know what they're picking up?
43:12Just dresses.
43:13I think it's time to make a little swap.
43:17Right, one more little call to make and we'll all be well happy.
43:35Good luck.
43:49Cheers.
43:49Cheers.
43:50Cheers.
43:50Cheers.
43:50Cheers.
43:50Cheers.
43:52Cheers.
43:54Cheers.
43:55Cheers.
43:56Cheers.
43:57Cheers.
43:58Cheers.
43:59Cheers.
44:00Cheers.
44:01Cheers.
44:02Cheers.
44:04Cheers.
44:05Arthur, dear boy, lovely to see you
44:10You know, I was just thinking about you
44:13I thought you might be, Ronnie
44:14We go back a long way together, don't we, Arthur?
44:17Yeah, yeah, we do
44:18We were a fly crowd, weren't we, eh?
44:20Yeah, we pulled a few strokes
44:22We certainly did
44:23But, you know, there was always the cardinal rule
44:26Turn over anybody else, but never one of your own
44:30Quite right, too, quite right
44:32You know, I might rub shoulders with the elite
44:35But I always like to think of people like that
44:38Of being my own
44:40People who know what's what
44:42And that's what hurts
44:45What's that, Ron?
44:46That you should take me for an 18-carat mug
44:50I'm glad you've turned up, Arthur
44:53And I hope, for your sake, you've got something to show me
44:57Funny you should say that, Ron
44:59Now, what's all this?
45:05Design, clothes by, sir
45:06Agent Arthur Daly
45:09Yeah, we're going to have it made up into a card
45:10You know, with a deck ledge
45:11Tasteful, isn't it?
45:13What's all this about, then?
45:15It's quite simple, Ronnie
45:16I'm not too pleased about the security arrangements
45:19So I've agreed to represent her
45:20Oh, yeah?
45:22And just what collection do you think you'll be representing, Arthur?
45:25Why would you ask that?
45:26I mean, we're supposed to be the ones who lifted it
45:28Have you got it, then?
45:30We did manage to intercept it before it left the country, yes
45:32But we didn't manage to apprehend the felons
45:34No
45:34But we did make a crafty switch
45:36Switch?
45:37Yeah, we swapped Zoe's clothes for, um
45:39Well, what do you call them other things?
45:41High street tap
45:42Yeah
45:42Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
45:44Cheap Hong Kong imitations being shipped out to Hong Kong to be imitated
45:48Yeah
45:49Well, they'll tumble that straight away
45:51Not unless someone this end phones to stop the production
45:53And whoever does that is going to lose a lot of credibility with their business partners over there
45:58Yeah, people don't like being messed around where money's concerned
46:00Could have the most terrible repercussions
46:03Too right
46:04I reckon whoever's behind this little deal is going to find themselves highly unpopular
46:08And one way or another, well out of pocket
46:10Oh, I think we'd better blow
46:12Ronnie don't look at all well
46:14I'll pop back later for Terry's fee, won't I?
46:33Spine this old dollop
46:34At least I'm one jumper ahead of him
46:36There you go, souvenir
46:37What about our little business arrangement?
46:39Listen, I only went along with that moonshine so you could glow at Shives
46:42You don't seriously think I'm going to give my job up here and come with you, do you?
46:44You could do a lot worse, my dear
46:46Not that, Ronnie might be a crook, but at least he knows about the rag trade
46:50Yeah, not enough to stop me putting one over on him, though
46:52Oi, that swap was my idea
46:54Oh, was it?
46:56Yes
46:56You're a genius you are, Terry
46:58Yeah, I have me moments
46:59You suspected Shivers all the time, didn't you?
47:02You bet
47:02And I thought you were going to keep any other villains at bay
47:05I thought you were supposed to know all about fellas like me
47:08Made a mistake, didn't I?
47:11You certainly did
47:12Shame, really, isn't it?
47:13I've never met a bird like you before
47:14Oh, and he rode manfully into the sunset
47:17That's it
47:18Don't stop pining for what might have been, Terry
47:20You're a lovely geezer, but I never fancied you
47:22It's all right
47:23Cheeky little cow
47:24See you around, kid
47:25Keep bubbling and weaving, won't you?
47:27Bye-bye
47:27Well, here's gratitude for you
47:30I bought her a ton, it's nice and all
47:31Well, perhaps that'll teach you to be less profligate with your money
47:34Oh, yeah, talking about money, it's divvy up time
47:37Ah, ah, yeah, no
47:38What do you mean, ah, ah, yeah, no
47:39I've got to make a few deductions
47:41Do what?
47:41I mean, you did leave the goods unattended to go to another job, didn't you?
47:44Have I hearing things?
47:45That was you, remember?
47:46Caused considerable aggravation
47:47And I mean, to rectify matters, I had to let a rail of Dior's and Hartnell's go
47:51Dior's and Hartnell's?
47:52You couldn't wait to see the back of them?
47:53I never got a penny for them, not a light
47:55What about the back-hander that Nigel and Billy give you, eh?
47:57For the use of the lock-up, eh?
47:58Back-hander?
47:59That was a favour, Terry
48:00That was a favour
48:00Favour, you?
48:01Now tell me the one about the free bears, go on
48:03Oi, Arthur
48:04Oh my God, no, no, no
48:06Leave it, don't leave it
48:07Walk away, son, walk away
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