- 17 hours ago
First broadcast 7th March 1984.
Arthur decides to cash in on the fitness craze by opening his own aerobics suite named the Daley Work-out.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Stephen Rea - Roddy Allan
Jenifer Landor - Laura Mancini Allan (as Jennifer Landor)
Patrick Troughton - Joe Mancini
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Tony Anholt - Johnny Petselli
Ruth Goring - Helena Mancini
Janet Fielding - Janice
Valerie Buchanan - Linda
Catherine Rabett - Louise
Alexander Morton - Alex
Billy Hartman - Billy
Robert Pereno - Marco Mancini
Eddie Mineo - Anthony Mancini
Mark Lewis - Rico
Lawrence Lambert - Derek
Judith Byfield - Ms. Knight
Jack Le White - Old Irishman
Sara Filek - Maria-Elaine Allan
Peter Allen - Winchester Club Patron
Kenneth Coombs - Black Tie Ball Guest
Barrie Holland - Black Tie Ball Guest
Guy Standeven - Customer in the Winchester
Reg Thomason - Black Tie Ball Guest
Arthur decides to cash in on the fitness craze by opening his own aerobics suite named the Daley Work-out.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Stephen Rea - Roddy Allan
Jenifer Landor - Laura Mancini Allan (as Jennifer Landor)
Patrick Troughton - Joe Mancini
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Tony Anholt - Johnny Petselli
Ruth Goring - Helena Mancini
Janet Fielding - Janice
Valerie Buchanan - Linda
Catherine Rabett - Louise
Alexander Morton - Alex
Billy Hartman - Billy
Robert Pereno - Marco Mancini
Eddie Mineo - Anthony Mancini
Mark Lewis - Rico
Lawrence Lambert - Derek
Judith Byfield - Ms. Knight
Jack Le White - Old Irishman
Sara Filek - Maria-Elaine Allan
Peter Allen - Winchester Club Patron
Kenneth Coombs - Black Tie Ball Guest
Barrie Holland - Black Tie Ball Guest
Guy Standeven - Customer in the Winchester
Reg Thomason - Black Tie Ball Guest
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Um...
00:30Power on.
00:42That's very good, I thought. It's a little red light.
00:44Yeah, that indicates it is ready to receive.
00:47Now what happens?
00:48We wait for the telephone to ring.
00:55Capital traffic. A lot of oil has been spilled
00:57on the roundabout of Junction 5 on the M1,
00:59as you can imagine. Things are very slippery there.
01:01And if you're driving at the moment,
01:03this is one to tap the wheel to.
01:05I'm Mike Allen. You're listening to Capital Radio.
01:14Well, all this hanging around
01:15rather proves Dave's point, doesn't it?
01:17How do you mean?
01:17I don't really need an answering machine, Arthur.
01:19Do me a favour, Dave. Of course you need it.
01:21Listen, look, you're out doing a bit of shopping, right?
01:23Shopping?
01:23The phone rings. Nobody here.
01:25You have missed that important business call.
01:27I don't get many business calls, Arthur.
01:29I mean, most of them are for you.
01:30Sales reps.
01:31What, you mean the Beer and Chris geezers?
01:32Yeah.
01:33Nah, nah, they call around in person.
01:34New members.
01:35Somebody rings up, nobody here.
01:37Well, they think that's a right under the arm place,
01:39that is. No one answering the phone.
01:40They go somewhere else.
01:42I mean, all the clubs in the West End
01:43have got these.
01:44White, Ciaf and Liam.
01:45Get off, they've got geezers
01:46who answer their phones, eh?
01:47Yeah.
01:48You try and get a geezer to do what this can do
01:50for 67 notes.
01:5167, eh?
01:52Worth 90.
01:54Nah.
01:55Nah, nah.
01:55Nah.
01:55Nah.
01:55Needs to warm up.
02:07Probably.
02:08Probably.
02:11Miss Knight?
02:12Well, hello, Mr. Allen.
02:14Is Maria Lane knocking about in there, do you know?
02:16I thought she was ill.
02:18What?
02:19Well, your wife collected her at lunchtime.
02:21She's not been back.
02:23My wife?
02:23I thought you'd know.
02:24I mean...
02:26Come on, boys.
02:27Look back inside.
02:29This is the Winchester Club.
02:31I'm out just now.
02:33But I shall be back shortly.
02:35If you would like to leave a message...
02:37Quiet, please.
02:39Please.
02:40We're recording over here.
02:43All right, Dave.
02:44All right.
02:45Off you go.
02:45From the beginning.
02:46That'll be about message.
02:47If you'd like to leave a message,
02:49I'll give you a bell.
02:51I'll call you back as soon as I can.
02:54Yeah, don't speak till after the time.
02:55Belt up till you're here to bleep.
02:59Perfect, eh?
03:01Don't, don't.
03:01Poetry.
03:02Sheer poetry.
03:02If only the phone would ring.
03:07Moira!
03:10Moira!
03:12Moira!
03:16Forget your key.
03:18Eh, I'm looking for my wife.
03:20She's a dark-capped girl.
03:21She's been staying here.
03:22Have you seen her?
03:32Bitch!
03:36Is that the police?
03:38Well, there's a madman here
03:39and he's smashing the place up.
03:41No, no, sir.
03:42Not me.
03:42I'm sorry.
03:43Where are you going to be long?
03:44No, I shall be quitting the boat about now.
03:48Right?
03:49I never saw a thing.
03:51I'll only be a second.
03:52That's all right, please.
04:03Hello, Mancini and son.
04:07Damn!
04:09Elf.
04:10That's what they want.
04:11They're Elf.
04:12Keep fit classes.
04:13Elf clubs.
04:14It's all a rage.
04:14Everyone's had it.
04:15You ought to join them.
04:17What do you mean?
04:17I'm a very active man.
04:18Oh, of course I beg your pardon.
04:20Is this a new venture, Arthur?
04:21Well, Elf, yeah.
04:23Diversification, Dave.
04:24It's always been my watchword.
04:25And Elf is a definite goer.
04:27I mean, do you know,
04:28there are thousands of people out there
04:30who do nothing all day
04:31but eat, drink, smoke and sit around.
04:33They do not know the harm
04:34they are doing to themselves.
04:36A nice bit of healthy exercise
04:37will do them a power of good.
04:38Get them involved,
04:39you've got a gold mine.
04:41Do you know what this new venture's called?
04:43The Daily Workout.
04:44Good name, isn't it?
04:45See, it's got two meanings.
04:46Daily, as in every day,
04:48and daily, as in...
04:49Rip off.
04:50Phone.
04:52Tapes running, Dave?
04:53Yeah, yeah.
04:54Amazing, this progress, isn't it?
04:56I mean, they've got big silver birds now
04:58that carry people through the air, you know.
05:00Shush, shush, Terry.
05:01Rewind.
05:02It's hardly a scientific breakthrough, is it?
05:04That's it.
05:05Then play that.
05:06All right, man.
05:06That's it.
05:08This is Rory Allen
05:09with a message for Arthur or Terry.
05:12I'm very sorry,
05:13but I can't meet you in the pub tonight.
05:15The girls will be there, all right.
05:16They know what you want
05:18and are quite happy to do it for you.
05:20They're all pretty fit,
05:21which is what you asked for.
05:23One of them's got an idea
05:24about doing something with yoghurt.
05:27She'll explain.
05:28Look, I'll talk to you when I can, okay?
05:31What's wrong with him?
05:32Nothing.
05:33He's scotch.
05:34Good sound, isn't it, Dave?
05:35Yeah, yeah.
05:36Now, I'll tell you what, Dave.
05:3724 hours on trial
05:39and after that,
05:40sail or return, all right?
05:41Come on, Terry.
05:42The lady's awake.
05:44Bye, Dave.
05:47Evening, all.
05:51Yoghurt.
05:51That's Harry Siegel.
06:07Arthur!
06:08Arthur!
06:08Arthur!
06:21Roddy, where is she?
06:36She?
06:36Oh.
06:37Very good, Joe.
06:39Very good.
06:40Laura!
06:41Well, come in, come in.
06:43Laura?
06:44Laura!
06:47What's all this shouting in my house, eh?
06:49I'm sorry, Elena,
06:51but I'm not going to be messed about.
06:53I know damn well Laura and Maria Elena here.
06:56You know damn well.
06:57You know damn well nothing.
06:58They're not here.
06:59What has happened?
07:00There's only one place your little girl runs to
07:02when she's in trouble,
07:03and that's to you two.
07:04Oh, my God, what has happened to her?
07:06She came back and took Maria Elena out of school.
07:09They've gone.
07:10Gone?
07:11Where?
07:12You know very well
07:14you've lied for her before.
07:17You lie again.
07:18What?
07:19We don't see you for five, six weeks.
07:21You come here shouting at us?
07:23Where is my daughter?
07:24Don't try and make me look an idiot, Elena.
07:26For this, you don't need my help.
07:28Just tell me about my daughter.
07:30I have not seen her for five...
07:31Elena, I just don't believe that.
07:34Okay.
07:35I'm a liar.
07:36I'm a world-famous liar.
07:38I got medals in lying.
07:40I'm very meant to pats on me, eh?
07:42See, Mama.
07:43Your daughter walked out of me.
07:45Okay.
07:46That's fine.
07:47Laura, keep on walking.
07:49But I want my daughter back.
07:51She's mine.
07:52Who you think you speak to, eh?
07:54I'm sorry.
07:56But she took my daughter away.
07:57She?
07:58She?
07:59She hurt you?
08:00And now you come here to hurt me.
08:02Did you marry me?
08:03I sometimes thought so.
08:05Oh, great.
08:06Look who's here.
08:07Roddy Trotsky's turn.
08:08Don't start with me tonight, Marco.
08:12Somebody talk to the crazy man.
08:13I thought I speak English for 25 years, but I make a mistake.
08:16Mama, what's up?
08:17I'll tell you what's up.
08:18Sorry, Maria and Helen.
08:19Sono scappate.
08:20Ma sappiamo dove sono andate.
08:21No, no, that's it.
08:22Close the family circle.
08:25Keep the stranger outside.
08:27Why can't you speak English?
08:29Why can't you?
08:29You always do it, don't you?
08:32Italian, Italian.
08:34We're Italian, all right?
08:37Just tell me where my slag of a wife is.
08:39Don't you call my sister no slag.
08:41Che cosa questa parola, slag?
08:43Niente, mamma.
08:44It's nothing, mamma.
08:45No, don't tell me nothing.
08:46No problem.
08:46It means somebody who'd run off and leave her husband and child.
08:50Somebody who'd run off with another bloke.
08:51Leave it out, Roddy.
08:53You're well out of order.
08:54You're right out of order.
08:55You come in here, shout in the odds.
08:57I want my child.
08:58Change here.
08:58Who the hell do you think you are?
08:59Look, stop it.
09:00Stop.
09:01We don't know where Laura is.
09:04You want me to write it down for you?
09:05Yeah, no.
09:05Casa mia, lui, eh?
09:06He's going to be quiet, mamma.
09:07He's going to be quiet.
09:08Stay calm, Elena.
09:09Stay calm.
09:10Stay calm.
09:11Okay, Roddy.
09:14We think it's time you left.
09:15Don't try it with me, Marco.
09:17Look, I'll hit you.
09:18Try it.
09:20Oh, no, Marco!
09:25You bastard.
09:27What's all this about yoghurt, Janice?
09:32Yeah.
09:33Well, you rub it into your face and neck.
09:37It does your skin good.
09:40Yoghurt?
09:40Yeah.
09:42Any particular flavour?
09:44Well, probably natural.
09:47That'd be best, really, I suppose.
09:50Yeah, I suppose it would be, wouldn't it?
09:51Natural.
09:52Would it?
09:52I don't suppose banana or one of the others would hurt.
09:55No, not unless you smack yourself in the eye with a spoon.
09:58Yeah.
09:59Float the club told me about it.
10:01Said he was into body treatment.
10:03Did he?
10:04He did.
10:05Very trusting, our Janice.
10:13Where's your gym, Arthur?
10:15Elf studio, Linda.
10:17It's a warehouse up by the welding shop.
10:19Now, we'll move up west as soon as it takes off.
10:22Excuse me.
10:25Do you think it matters that we don't know anything about keep fit, Arthur?
10:28No, the punters all come won't know nothing, will they?
10:30Anyway, I've got this book.
10:32I've had these exercises copied out.
10:33Look, all you've got to do is keep Jo and Josephine public,
10:37leaping about until they're knackered.
10:39Yeah, I know, but even so, we are blackjack dealers.
10:42Only at night.
10:43You're going to take any classes, Arthur.
10:45Arthur?
10:46Pardon my mirth.
10:48Now, I should be handling the financial side of the business, my dear.
10:50I expect Terry will be taking one or two lessons, though.
10:52Well, he does a lot of jigging up and down, so I hear.
10:55Yeah, I like all that.
10:58Aerobics!
11:00Yeah, if you want.
11:02What's an RHR?
11:04Oh, that's a steel girder that holds up the ceiling.
11:07That's an RSJ, you wally.
11:08Oh.
11:08Now, RHR.
11:10Now, here we are.
11:11Resting heart rate.
11:13RHR.
11:13See, it's obvious, really.
11:15Now, remember that, girls.
11:16Any awkward questions, use initials.
11:18It always impresses.
11:19Makes it sound more official.
11:21Yeah, like DDT.
11:23All right, it's Rod.
11:24Rod!
11:25We're over here.
11:26Here.
11:27I'll get that.
11:29I'm pretty sick to go, man.
11:30Cheers.
11:31Yes.
11:32What happened to you?
11:35I got hit.
11:36I've told you, you've got to keep your old left hand up, haven't you?
11:39Who did it?
11:40My brother-in-law.
11:42What would he hit you?
11:46We can't do all this, Arthur.
11:48Of course you can, with your supple little bodies.
11:50Janice, I want you to take that one.
11:52You can do that one beautifully, my dear.
11:54Hello, Rod.
11:54Hi, Rod.
11:55Oh, dear, oh, dear.
11:56Who got home late last night, then, eh?
11:58Shut up, Arthur.
11:59Oh, what happened?
12:00Laura's taking Maria Lane.
12:02What?
12:03My parents won't let me see her.
12:05You don't know that, do you?
12:06I mean, if she was there, they'd let you see her.
12:08You don't know them, Terry.
12:11All the bon of me and the world.
12:13Till you cross them.
12:14Then they close ranks.
12:17Well, I'll show them.
12:19They're not the only ones with family.
12:21I've got my cousins coming down.
12:24If the Mancini's want trouble, they can have it.
12:26You're all good together, all right?
12:31Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:32Fine, Rod, fine, fine, yeah.
12:34Rod, hold on.
12:36I'd better go and have a word with him.
12:38If he starts trouble with Laura's lot, there'd be hell to pay.
12:42What?
12:42Italians?
12:43Whoa.
12:44Black spot, innit?
12:45Secret signs at midnight.
12:47They're worse than the Freemasons.
12:49Rod's not a troublemaker.
12:51No, no, but he's working on it.
12:52Hello.
13:06I'm looking for Laura.
13:07Laura?
13:08Marco?
13:08Yeah, Laura Allen.
13:09It's OK, Mama.
13:10Not OK to me.
13:12Good evening.
13:13Can I help you?
13:15Hello, Mrs Mancini.
13:17Do you remember me?
13:18Terry McCann.
13:19I was at Laura's wedding.
13:21Then I stood in as godfather when the Scottish lot couldn't turn up at the christening, remember?
13:25Oh, Terry, of course.
13:26I'm sorry I haven't got my glasses.
13:28Come in, come in.
13:30Joe?
13:31Joe, look who is here.
13:33You remember Terry from the christening?
13:35Hello.
13:36Of course, of course.
13:38Come in, come in.
13:39Sit down, sit down.
13:41Clear away the seat.
13:42How are you?
13:43Oh, thanks, yes.
13:44It's been a long time.
13:45Yeah, well, you know, things are all right.
13:47Your friend, Arthur.
13:49Arthur, oh, he's exactly the same, I'm afraid.
13:51Still a digi business, man.
13:52Yeah, very digi.
13:54Quite right.
13:54Doing OK, I bet you.
13:55Yeah, he's all right, yeah.
13:56Yes, yes.
13:57Well, what brings you to here to see us, hmm?
14:01Well, it's...
14:02No, don't tell me.
14:02Our son-in-law.
14:04Yeah.
14:04Did he send you here?
14:05No, no, no.
14:06He's a nutcase.
14:07Yeah, I know.
14:09That's why I wanted to have a word with Laura.
14:11Try and sort something out.
14:12Terry, uh, Laura disappeared five weeks ago.
14:17We don't know where she is.
14:19We tell Roddy this.
14:21Six times we tell him.
14:22Laura has not been here.
14:26I don't know where my daughter is.
14:29I don't see her.
14:30I don't speak with her.
14:32I never...
14:33Elena.
14:35It's my fault.
14:38What can I do?
14:40I'm sorry.
14:42Mama.
14:43I...
14:43I...
14:44I'm sorry.
14:49I'm sorry.
14:52Terry, we have seen each other on two happy occasions,
14:55the wedding and the christening,
14:57but now my family is falling apart.
14:59Laura was told never to come here again.
15:03Her mother told her this.
15:04Well, because she left Roddy and Maria?
15:06No, because she started hanging around with a lousy whop called Johnny Petzali.
15:11For this, she broke her marriage.
15:13Dad, don't get excited.
15:15Papa, your blood...
15:17My blood is fine.
15:19Personally, this Petzali doesn't bother me.
15:20He's just a punk who's not worth talking about.
15:23Just like his entire family, all cheap crooks.
15:25But they persuade a dear old friend of mine to move out from his place down here.
15:32Persuade him, no.
15:32They push him.
15:34No, they're my neighbors.
15:36They're scum.
15:38So what happens?
15:41My daughter, my Laura LaDolce,
15:44she goes with his punk.
15:48We were so ashamed.
15:49Our family, our friends.
15:51Petzali laugh about it.
15:53Just like she's his whore.
15:56A man's seen here.
15:59It broke our hearts.
16:02Our little girl.
16:10Mummy, we're hungry.
16:12All right, darling.
16:15Okay.
16:21Oh, my glasses keep steaming up.
16:24Oh, take them off, you idiot.
16:27Okay, rest a minute.
16:30We'll do all that again.
16:32Then we'll do running.
16:34Oh, no.
16:35Then we'll rest.
16:37Then we'll say something like,
16:38Okay, ladies, that's enough resting.
16:40Let's do the workout.
16:43Let's do the workout.
16:46Let's do the workout.
16:48It's coming.
16:49It's coming.
16:51Right.
16:55Jog.
16:56Oh, good afternoon.
16:57How nice of you to drop in.
16:59I suppose there's no fear of you giving me a hand with these, is there?
17:01No, whatsoever.
17:01I'll stick them in there.
17:02No.
17:02I'll stick them in there.
17:03Oh, good morning, girls.
17:08Hi.
17:10Oi.
17:10What happened to you last night?
17:12Oh, I popped round to Roddy Allen's in-laws.
17:15Oh, no.
17:16Terry, don't mix with matrimonial punch-ups.
17:19I mean, marriage itself is not a pretty sight, but pre-divorce acrimony.
17:23Oh, God.
17:23It's wicked.
17:24Oh, yeah, well, they're friends of mine, aren't they?
17:26Yeah, but it won't be for much longer if you start trying to straighten out their marriage.
17:29People will never forgive you for that.
17:31Listen, I know what so-called friends usually do.
17:34They keep well out of things, keep their mouths shut, and have a nice quiet time until it's all over.
17:38Don't they?
17:39Well, I'm not going to do that.
17:40They're real friends.
17:40Oh, my God.
17:41Hearts and flowers.
17:42Listen, I happen to be Marie-Elaine's godfather.
17:45Stand-in godfather.
17:46The Scotch lot didn't turn up.
17:47I remember.
17:48I was there.
17:48All right, all right, but I'm still official, aren't I?
17:50I mean, I had to sign the old wass name, the thing.
17:53The old wass name, the thing, what?
17:55Listen, tell me, when was the last time you inquired into that child's religious instruction?
18:00We went to the christening, had a few drinks and a marquee.
18:02No, we didn't.
18:03It was a dog and partridge.
18:04No, no, no, marquee as in 10.
18:06I don't mean boozer.
18:07You are not godfather material, Terry.
18:09That's right, so maybe I ought to try a bit harder then, eh?
18:11Yeah, you remember what happened to the good Samaritans?
18:14No.
18:14Well, exactly.
18:15Proper godfather would.
18:17Anyway, Louise tells me that Rory's got a solicitor on it now, and he's going for custody.
18:21So he won't need you.
18:23Hey, what's that?
18:26It's my bleeper, for my answering machine.
18:28Why didn't I get a bleeper with my machine then?
18:30Because I have to keep in constant touch with my office.
18:32Listen, listen.
18:33This is the daily workout.
18:35Daily worker?
18:36Shh.
18:37I've been running an ad for three weeks, and the response is terrific, Terry.
18:40This keep fit, Lark, is money for old road.
18:42Hello, my name is Joyce Everson, and if you could call me and give me...
18:45Are we going to see Daddy later?
19:02We'll see, darling, maybe.
19:04Winchester Club.
19:05Hello, Dave.
19:06Is that you on a machine?
19:08It's me, Arthur, live.
19:09Any messages?
19:10Yeah, Arthur.
19:11About that tape you put in my machine.
19:13Yeah?
19:14It seems to have got a lot of Harry's seacum on it.
19:17Oh, that's all right, Dave.
19:18I bought a job a lot.
19:18The tape's all right.
19:19He's a good singer, isn't he?
19:20Look, I've got a dash now, Dave.
19:21Yeah, Arthur.
19:22I've talked about the machine now.
19:22Yeah, now, come on, Arthur.
19:24I mean, come on.
19:24Oh, dear, oh, dear.
19:27That Dave, he worries about everything, doesn't he?
19:30Hard life, isn't he?
19:33Oh, enjoy the workout, are you?
19:35The only thing we've got to work out is what we're going to tell the punters.
19:39Oh, that's easy.
19:40You just say something like, look at me, I've got like this for doing a daily workout.
19:45You'd better ride in a cupboard, then.
19:51There was a nature walk at school today.
19:54Were you supposed to go on it?
19:57Yes.
19:58I'm sorry.
20:00Doesn't matter, Mummy.
20:06Two, three, and four, and up, two, three, and four.
20:12Very good, ladies.
20:13Keep going.
20:14Let's do the workout.
20:20Come on, go.
20:21Don't flare.
20:22Come on, ladies.
20:23Hello.
20:25Can I speak to Johnny Petzeli, please?
20:27Johnny Petzeli?
20:28Uh, Mr. Petzeli's not back from Italy until this afternoon.
20:31Oi, oi.
20:32Is this a private coach?
20:34Don't you shush, baby.
20:37What's it about?
20:38Well, it's personal, really.
20:39Oh.
20:40Now, the thing is, you don't know me, you see?
20:41My name's Terry McCann.
20:43Now, what time will he be back?
20:45Five, six.
20:45Come on, this is my office, not yours.
20:48Look, will you tell him I'll be in touch, all right?
20:50Yeah, thanks a lot.
20:52Want your chair or something?
20:53Yes.
20:54Here you go.
20:5510p for a phone call, right?
20:58And I want a receipt.
21:00There's a certain vision.
21:01But I'd have to charge a VAT.
21:02If only she'd phone.
21:17Let me know they're all right.
21:19Ah, it's pretty inconsiderate, that.
21:21Yeah, it's typical.
21:22She thinks of herself and that's it.
21:25Bitch.
21:26Selfish, spoiled brat.
21:29So the marriage is pretty well on the rocks, then?
21:31Oh, did I give you that impression?
21:34Oh, well, I was just wondering if you'd consider marriage guidance.
21:38I'd need a guide to find her.
21:40Two white sticks and a couple of dugs.
21:43Well, things have been brought back for the brink before.
21:45Do you remember telling me a call?
21:47It's way fitting with a brick.
21:50Firm friends now.
21:52Aye.
21:52It addled its brain.
21:54Is London this direction and this map, Roddy?
21:58No.
21:58Now, it's that way.
22:03Come that way down here.
22:05There's them turning into the Mancini house, right?
22:07There's a big sign saying Market Garden.
22:09You can't miss it.
22:11I don't want anybody hurt.
22:13Oh, they'll no get hurt.
22:15I meant them, you tube.
22:17I want them upset a little bit.
22:20Let them know I mean business.
22:22Say, know what?
22:23What do they like, these folk?
22:24They're very good at giving sons-in-law advice.
22:28I didn't marry a girl.
22:30I married a family.
22:31They probably meant well.
22:33I know that.
22:35Used to get me ear bent every Sunday lunchtime when I went round there.
22:39Spaghetti bolognese and advice.
22:41Know what I mean?
22:43I could have taken from them, you know.
22:45I could have had anything I wanted for Laura and me.
22:48Why, didn't you?
22:48I didn't want to spend the rest of my life being reminded of how grateful I ought to be for them helping me.
22:55Better to be poor and your own man than a slave of wealth.
22:59Che Guevara.
23:01Eh?
23:02Was he married?
23:04Eh?
23:05Married, Che Guevara?
23:07No, Nicole.
23:11Divorce can be pretty quick these days.
23:13Be back and join yourself in daytime.
23:15Down the pub.
23:17Get my darts.
23:17Couple of babies with the boys.
23:19Sounds very exciting.
23:23Will you no pull the ear off that, Doug?
23:26Sorry.
23:28Off a nice wee fella, ain't he?
23:30Wait here, darling.
23:48The only thing he didn't have was a choice.
24:03Oh, yes, dear.
24:05It's Johnny back.
24:07Oh, you Maureen?
24:08No.
24:10Oh, er...
24:11Who is it?
24:12It's a lady.
24:13Oh, well, I won.
24:14I won't.
24:17Oh.
24:19Er, Rico, give everybody a drink, will you?
24:21I'll be with you in a minute.
24:26Laura?
24:27Hello, Johnny.
24:28Hello, darling.
24:31How are you?
24:32Oh, she's pretty.
24:33You're all back together again, then, are you?
24:35No.
24:37Oh.
24:39Yeah, Rico, me and the others, we were just going up with sportsmen.
24:42You know, spot a dinner and then later a dance, a few laughs.
24:46Back here for the witching hour.
24:48That's nice.
24:48You just opt to see your mum and dad, are you?
24:52I think you know I'm not.
24:54No?
24:56Oh, well, yeah, I heard she got the hump, you know, when she found out you was going with me.
25:00You disappeared for a bit, didn't you?
25:02Didn't call.
25:05New car?
25:06Yeah.
25:06Yeah, wash your sticky fingers, darling.
25:10You must be doing very well.
25:12Yeah, well, made the right connections in Italy.
25:15Gonna supply the mafia with fruit and veg?
25:17Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
25:22Really coming over Mancini now, ain't we?
25:25Let me tell you something, darling.
25:26I'll buy and sell your mob before I'm done.
25:28I've got plans, girl.
25:33Hello, love.
25:35Ha, ha, ha.
25:36Hello, Johnny.
25:41Oh, that's very tasty.
25:44Come on in.
25:47Oh, Maureen, this is Laura.
25:52Laura, Maureen.
25:53Hello.
25:54Hello.
25:55You go inside, darling.
25:57Rico will give you a drink.
25:58He's a bundle of laughs.
25:59You'll love him.
26:00See you in a minute.
26:00Okay.
26:01You want something, Laura?
26:08Why did you tell everyone you've been seeing me?
26:11Who says I did?
26:12I thought we were going to be friends.
26:14Just have fun, nothing heavy.
26:15We did.
26:16Yeah, so why start bragging about having a thing with Joe Mancini's daughter, eh?
26:21You know you didn't sleep with me, so I make out you did.
26:23Oh, that's typical of your lot, isn't it?
26:26You really think I want to waste my time pulling a stunt like that?
26:28Yes, I do.
26:30Mancini's.
26:31And you're kings of the heap, don't you?
26:34Don't you think you're important, eh?
26:37Not me.
26:38I'm nobody now.
26:41Thanks for your help, Johnny.
26:43Oi, Johnny.
26:44Do we need any more fertiliser?
26:46No.
26:48Oh, another thing a Terry McCann bloke phoned.
26:51Terry's never with you, is he?
26:53He might be.
26:54Who is he?
26:55Well, I don't know.
26:56He said it was personal.
26:58He said he'd be in touch later.
27:01What's he do, this McCann?
27:03He's a minder.
27:04Bodyguard.
27:05He's a what?
27:06Who for?
27:07I don't know.
27:08The Godfather.
27:10Yeah, you bite your tongue, girl.
27:12I'll sort him out.
27:14Oh, God.
27:15You'll end up in a straitjacket one day.
27:34One day.
27:35Not bad, girls.
27:35Three sessions.
27:36All four.
27:37How much do you think we made, Arthur?
27:38Oh, well, there isn't all that actual amount in the bin, you know, but, I mean, when it
27:41takes off, as I'm sure it will, you will be on a percentage as promised.
27:45But, look, if today's sessions were full, how much do we take, then?
27:49Look, may I say this first, please?
27:50We must have more technical chat.
27:52We really must.
27:53I mean, we completely forgot about our resting heart rate, didn't we?
27:56And the fact that Bjorn Björg has got one of 38.
27:58I mean, that is very important.
28:00I mean, that is the kind of pattern that can make or break an operation like this.
28:03Do you understand, girls?
28:03Yeah.
28:04Bye-bye.
28:05Bye-bye.
28:05Bye-bye.
28:08Hello, Uncle Terry.
28:10Hello, Princess.
28:11How are you?
28:12I'm sorry, Terry.
28:13I've been looking all over the place for you.
28:15Come on.
28:16I promise we won't stay long.
28:17Oh, don't, sister.
28:18Bye-bye.
28:19Bye-bye.
28:19Bye-bye.
28:23To live a life of ease
28:27We'll reach along the byways
28:32But more, much more than this
28:37We'll do it our way
28:42For what is a man?
28:45What has he got?
28:48If not himself
28:50Then he has not
28:52Endure it all
28:55And there is doubt
28:58I hit him up
29:00And spit him out
29:03Our record shows
29:05We took the blows
29:08And did it
29:11All way
29:15Are you familiar with the saying
29:20If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well, Alex?
29:22Uh-huh
29:23Uh-huh
29:23Now
29:39The end is near
29:42And so we face
29:45The final curling
29:47That I've got a few fears
29:52That they're against
29:54Of which I'm certain
29:56With a life of ease
30:02They're missing
30:04Not in the shy way
30:07Oh no
30:09Much more than this
30:12We did it hard
30:15All that I've got to be
30:35We've got to be
30:44Do you think that'll upset them enough, Alex?
31:03Oh, yes.
31:04I think I should do it, William.
31:07I don't believe you'd go.
31:09Not just like that.
31:10No, nor did I.
31:11But who knows anybody?
31:12They were good at making our marriage look right in front of our friends.
31:17That's about all we were good at in the end.
31:21We were so unhappy together.
31:23Five years is a long time to take getting nowhere.
31:26Maybe Roddy's right.
31:29He said I was a spoiled brat who was brought up to expect too much from life.
31:33That's not the law I know.
31:34No.
31:36And the man who said it wasn't the Roddy I married.
31:40My teddy's only got one arm.
31:42How'd that happen, then?
31:44He's very old.
31:47Well, I'm ever so old, but I've got two arms.
31:49Mm-hm.
31:50But how'd he lose it, then?
31:52I heard a big pussycat took it away.
31:55Uncle Terry, will you look after him for the night?
31:59Of course I would've died.
32:03My night, sleep well.
32:05Good night.
32:08Good night, darling.
32:12Good to sleep now.
32:18Hello.
32:19Good evening.
32:19Nice to see you.
32:20Good evening.
32:21Good evening.
32:21Good evening, Lord Bagel.
32:41Good evening.
32:42I'm never going to stay awake.
32:45Sonny, you seem to do the job.
32:48You and your bright ideas, Rod.
32:51Janice and Louise, could you come over to the table?
32:54I think we need it.
33:01See your greenhouse job?
33:04That's just to let you know I mean business.
33:06If you call the police, I'll deny this conversation to the police.
33:11My greenhouse is very well.
33:14Thank you for calling, Roddy.
33:15You what?
33:19Who was that?
33:21The crazy man.
33:24He wants to know if we can see our greenhouses.
33:27So, Mr. McCann, a bodyguard, said he'd be in touch, eh?
33:31Said it was personal, did he?
33:33Eh?
33:34And where the hell were you?
33:36Half a daily?
33:58Er, well, Johnny Petsally.
34:02It's about a minder, McCann.
34:05Terry?
34:06Wouldn't have thought you had any need for him.
34:09Oh, I need him.
34:10You want to hire Terry for what exactly?
34:13I mean, it has a bearing on a fee.
34:15Bit of sweeping up, bit of woodwork.
34:17General repairs, you know.
34:19Want a greenhouse.
34:20Oh, no, no.
34:21Terry's no good in round the house or even a greenhouse.
34:26Good at demolition, though, isn't he?
34:28Eh?
34:28You know, you're quite a well-known face this side of the river.
34:31Well, um...
34:32Rico?
34:33It only took me just over half a morning to check up on you and your boy, McCann.
34:38Check up on us?
34:39What is this?
34:39Where is he?
34:41Oh, I haven't seen him for weeks.
34:42I mean, he don't exactly work for me.
34:45Oh, I see.
34:49Arthur.
34:49Are you fond of that mirror?
34:56Oh, love, oh, love.
34:57What's going on?
34:59Where does he live?
35:01I don't know.
35:01I'm honest.
35:02Rico?
35:03He lives?
35:03Where is he?
35:04No, no.
35:04Not another mirror.
35:06I think I might be able to find his address.
35:08I mean, I've got his address through here.
35:11You might have too much lunch, will you?
35:23Because I definitely won't be able to carry you then.
35:27Here's Grandad.
35:28Give us a kiss.
35:29Be good.
35:30Say bye-bye to Teddy.
35:32Oh, certainly.
35:33Ta-ra, Ted.
35:34Look after that old arm, won't you?
35:37Thanks a lot, Terry.
35:39Good luck.
35:40Come on.
35:41That's right, please.
36:01Stretch those unwanted wrinkles away.
36:03And...
36:05Barts and barts and barts and barts and barts.
36:10Barts and barts and barts and barts.
36:12Good char.
36:13Shall you get your unwanted wrinkles smoothed out?
36:16Where do you mean?
36:17Ah, Mission of Mercy.
36:18Hello.
36:20You're going to need some mercy.
36:22There's been three geysers here looking for you.
36:23Only smashed one of my big mirrors.
36:25Who were they?
36:27A couple of eye ties and a tame dog.
36:28Called Pretzel.
36:30Pretzel.
36:30Yeah, that's it. Johnny Petzali? You know him? I don't know of him. Do you know him, Janice?
36:35Oh, yeah. He used to come in the club, but he's 400.
36:38Hang on, hang on. You know him. You know of him. I've never seen him before in my life, but it's my mirror he smashes.
36:43No, he wouldn't. Why'd he do that then? Well, I'm not a mind reader, am I? I don't know.
36:46He wanted you, so he broke a mirror. What do you want me for?
36:49I don't know. I phoned him at home and all. I wanted to talk about Laura Allen. He wasn't in.
36:56You sure he was looking for me? Yes.
36:59He was a bit barbie, Johnny. Big kid, really. He thinks he wants to be a gangster, but he doesn't know how to get started.
37:06Well, vandalism's all right for a start. No, I'll tell you what, there's got to be a mix-up, hasn't there?
37:10He grows dope in some of them greenhouses.
37:14Bone? Yeah. Showed me once. Yeah, wouldn't I mind about all that? What about my mirror?
37:19Well, don't 999. Get Chisholm on the plot. Chisholm.
37:22Detective, isn't he? Detective? He couldn't find his back pocket with both hands. Do you know what one of them mirrors cost?
37:27All right, all right, all right. Where you going? I'm going to make a phone call, if that's all right.
37:31Who to? That's Sally. I'm going to sort it out, aren't I? Get him a paper or a mirror.
37:34No, he won't be there. Yet.
37:39Now, what do you know that? Pardon?
37:42Have I got a full SP on these three geezers?
37:46They were not reasonable men, Terry. I mean, they got hold of me. It was you they wanted. I mean, I had a go, you know me.
37:51But? But it was you they wanted to get hold of, not me.
37:54And you told them out? No, no, no, they had me.
37:56You didn't give them my address, did you? No, no, no, no.
37:58Did you? Yeah.
38:00Juice.
38:03Yeah.
38:30Hello, this is a recorded message. I'm out.
38:46Johnny Petzella here. Just returning your call, Mr. McCann. You break my windows, I'll break yours. Don't call again, because next time it'll be your legs.
38:58That's it, girls. That's great. Yeah, it's lovely. But you can do more. You want to go over and you want to feel that burn I was talking about, alright?
39:11You want to really feel it.
39:13Wait, Janice. Can you come with me? I need to. Get your coat. Come on. It's alright, Terry. I'll see you later.
39:20Jerry!
39:22Ah, ah, three minutes rest, ladies, to restore your R.H.R. to normal.
39:29Did you know Juan Bjorn had one of the, eh, Louise!
39:35And you say he grows this stuff?
39:37Yeah, he grows it in one of his greenhouses away from the house. Everybody knows about it. But the only people who don't know are the drug squad.
39:45Great job, boys. Just great. Wrong greenhouse.
40:00Eh, there was nothing malicious meant, Roddy. It was a genuine mistake.
40:05Shall we do the right one now we know?
40:07No, no! Your balloon's a pity!
40:11Mama, vieni, vieni, mama.
40:14It's okay.
40:17Hello, Mama.
40:19Oh, hello, darling.
40:23Hello, Maria. How are you, dear?
40:26Good.
40:28Dog got your tongue? Cat, huh?
40:39Mama, I'm sorry.
40:41Oh, thank God for that.
40:49Isn't that Laura's car?
40:51It is.
40:52Are you going in after, Lord?
40:54Aye.
40:56Ah!
40:58Huh.
40:59Go on.
41:00Huh?
41:01Today we sold everything out.
41:03Oh, no.
41:05Oh, darling. Come, come, come, come. Sit down.
41:08You want a little drink, eh?
41:10I'm okay.
41:11Yes. You hungry?
41:13I think she's all right.
41:14Please give us some.
41:16Oh.
41:23Hello.
41:24Have you seen Laura by any chance?
41:27Brody, please.
41:28There isn't going to be any trouble.
41:29Just let me take my daughter and I'll be on my way.
41:31No.
41:32This whole thing has gone too far.
41:34If you step into my house, you step in to talk and not to fight.
41:37Please, Roddy.
41:39You're not going to soft-soap me and get your own way.
41:49Nobody is soaping you.
41:51This is your home.
41:52Mummy, it's Daddy.
41:53It's Daddy.
41:54It's Daddy.
41:55You are our children and we love you.
41:58Daddy, Daddy.
42:00Daddy, Daddy.
42:01Mmm.
42:05Have you been here all the time?
42:07No.
42:08Where'd you go?
42:09Where'd you go?
42:10Where'd you go?
42:11Brody.
42:13I stayed at a friend's flat for a few days.
42:15I went to Julia's the other day.
42:17You'd moved out.
42:18I only stayed a few days, I said.
42:19Where were you the rest of the time?
42:21Who were you with?
42:23I was by myself.
42:25You?
42:26You couldn't spend five minutes by yourself.
42:28I know.
42:29I was frightened.
42:31I spent five weeks by myself.
42:33Oh, Laura.
42:35Have fun?
42:36No.
42:37Enjoy being free of us?
42:39No.
42:40What about your boyfriend?
42:42He isn't.
42:43He never was.
42:44I don't believe that.
42:45I don't expect you to.
42:47You haven't got the imagination.
42:49You're so right all the time, so puritanical.
42:53Wives are people too, you know.
42:57I think we should get the divorce over as quickly as possible.
43:00Oh, my God.
43:01Okay, fine.
43:02Fine!
43:03Fine!
43:04You in a hurry to get to somebody else, are you?
43:06What is my heart?
43:07It's circus.
43:08It's all right, darling.
43:09It's all right.
43:10It's nothing.
43:11It's all right.
43:12It's all right, darling.
43:13Shh.
43:14Now look what you've done.
43:16I didn't...
43:18What are you two, huh?
43:20You want to hurt each other?
43:21That's fine.
43:22But don't do it to a little child, huh?
43:25Okay.
43:27You want a fast divorce.
43:28So be it.
43:29That's what you want.
43:31And you just agreed.
43:32I haven't got a choice.
43:33You've got a choice.
43:35Say what you want.
43:36Go on!
43:37Stop challenging me, Roddy!
43:38Well, say something!
43:41What do you want?
43:42I don't want a divorce.
43:43I want us to be together.
43:45But not the way it was.
43:46Not like before.
43:47I couldn't stand that.
43:49Don't you start making demands!
43:50Oh, God!
43:51I can't talk to you!
43:52That's right.
43:53When in doubt, get hysterical.
43:59I just can't.
44:01Oh, God!
44:02Oh, God!
44:03Oh, God.
44:04No.
44:06It's all right, darling.
44:08Mummy and Daddy are just...
44:10Just what?
44:11Just what are Mummy and Daddy doing, hmm?
44:30They're baby ones at the moment.
44:32Yeah?
44:33I'll have some of that.
44:35Listen, you needn't get involved in all this, you know.
44:38Just stay out of sight.
44:40I'll see you in the lane in about 20 minutes.
44:42Hopefully.
44:43Okay.
44:52Petzeli!
45:01I'm McCann.
45:02I got your message.
45:03Yeah, and I got yours.
45:05To grow that.
45:08I don't get cute with me, McCann.
45:10And go tell whoever it was sent you that I'm not moving,
45:12I'm not selling, and I'm not scared.
45:15Well, now we all know what you ain't,
45:16I'm gonna tell you what you are.
45:17You're stupid.
45:18I had nothing to do with that.
45:20And the only reason I phoned you was to find out where Laura Allen was.
45:24So because of all that, you smashed up my gaff.
45:26So now, son, you're gonna have to pay for it.
45:28Oh, yeah?
45:29How are you gonna make me do that?
45:31Well, I'm no grass, but, er...
45:35This is.
45:36Now, if you don't pay up, I'm gonna tell the drug squad about this.
45:39And I'm gonna tell the robbery squad about my flat.
45:43And if you don't hurry up, Johnny,
45:47I might even wash the interior of your motor.
45:50You know, hold it.
45:51I only borrowed that.
45:53You what?
45:54Shut up.
45:59You didn't do that.
46:00I would have done all the greenhouse's son.
46:03I think, er...
46:05500 have settled my damages.
46:07500?
46:09Yeah, all right, all right, all right.
46:10500.
46:11Just lay off with the water, will you?
46:15Grazie.
46:20Wait, come on!
46:26Come on!
46:33You all right?
46:34Yeah.
46:36Oh, my good God.
46:38Put your seatbelt on.
46:40Quick.
46:50Morning.
46:52Well, we're just wondering if you needed any odd jobs doing about the place.
47:06I'm a glazier to trade.
47:08A glazier?
47:09Well, I'm a carpenter.
47:11A carpenter.
47:13Hello, Terry.
47:14This is me.
47:15Get over the health club as soon as you can.
47:17We've had the health inspector in.
47:19We've got to have new loos, new drains, a fire escape and bigger windows.
47:23And we can't have the public in until it's all done.
47:25So get over and take them rubber mats back.
47:27Message ends.
47:30Thanking you.
47:31Oh, Terry.
47:32I've been talking to your answering machine.
47:33Yeah, they're good, aren't they?
47:35Me and health have parted.
47:37I'm going to concentrate on these.
47:38Now, now, what about it, Dave?
47:40What, a machine?
47:41Yeah, a harry seagull.
47:42No, no, no, don't worry about that.
47:43I'll give you another tape.
47:45Half a lager.
47:46You buying?
47:47What?
47:48Because I thought I might get them in.
47:49No, no, no.
47:50Oh, come on.
47:52I'll, I'll, I'll...
47:53Well, you see, as we godfathers say,
47:55the meek shall inherit the earth.
47:58Did anyone say when?
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