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00:02all right the happy couple is three minutes out this is so romantic this lady has no idea she's
00:07about to adopt a kid and get proposed to on the same day couple goals yeah wow that's what every
00:12woman wants to take care of two living things until they die what a great way to start a
00:17marriage through deception i hid maya's ring in a cupcake and then i forgot about it and i ate it
00:24and then i went to the hospital okay places people okay good good good good they're here
00:33they're here glad we didn't over complicate this
00:39jessica broke up with me in the parking lot congratulations
00:46this bath crayons you know you're soaking you're drawing you make a mistake you scrub it off the
00:52tub you fall asleep you drown in two inches of water sorry i finished that story the way i
00:56wanted it to end dispatched to truck 12 there's an emotional support donkey loose in seattle
01:01grace hospital truck 12 responding creature known only for kicking as a support animal at least
01:06they're already near the er when i was a boy i had a hermit cramp with the patience of an
01:10angel
01:11turns out it was just a shell nothing inside but that shell got me through some really hard times
01:18hey guys i've gotten a few calls about a deceased raccoon in the middle of
01:21oilston abner olive road can you pick them up starting the morning with a splat
01:26we're on it you want to scoop the splat or do you want to be on bag duty if it's
01:29a flat splat i'll
01:30scoop they're actually kind of fun it's like peeling off nail polish
01:32okay you guys realize you're still on the radio right uh no we're not i still got my finger on
01:38the button yeah it's just a little too soon guys the raccoon had a family it's just short talk
01:44you can't take the heat you get out of the kitchen well i'm trying to but you keep pulling
01:47down the button your thumb is on it so a volunteer said the donkey got spooked when a patient rang
01:54the done with chemo bell
01:59huh
02:02hope this isn't contagious hello there you rough draft of a horse there you go
02:09all right nice
02:11this place sticks nothing good on the tv and what the hell keeps beeping it can't be
02:19it's definitely him yeah what happened dad nothing i just love hanging around in hospitals
02:24i had a heart attack you boob papa shaw no are you okay i'm gonna be fine shoot maybe we'll
02:32give you a second opinion you can ask your new girlfriend here where's that classic shaw family
02:36love language hey i'm gonna call patrick i assume you were too proud to notify any of the other
02:41children i'm not proud of anything involving my children you know it's weird that someone with a
02:45charcoal porquette for a heart could even have a heart attack yeah a lot of love being hurled around
02:49in here can you get that ass out of my room you're gonna have to be more specific
02:56did you see the look on that dead raccoon's face he was like no he was more like like scared
03:03hey vertel i have some bad news somehow all of the food that was donated for your community
03:07outreach event caught on fire what how does that even happen yeah well we think it might have been
03:12a spark from an electrical wire i mean roman's contractors really cut a lot of corners putting
03:16this place together so also his crew had the worst catcalling game a lot of repeats yeah i do
03:21agree with that um luckily the fire was contained but yeah all the food is obviously ruined i need
03:27all that kibble we open up the kennel on wednesdays to give away free food to the public what am
03:30i
03:30supposed to do just like sit there and take in the frowns and the disappointment like i'm at
03:34home well i would just restock i mean you still have money in the outreach budget right yeah that's
03:38a good point i don't have any the money i blew through all of it for the sip and snip
03:41i shouldn't
03:42have got those swag bags again still holding down the button oh you just have to get creative i'll help
03:49you thanks did you start the fire accidentally yeah i did i started the fire but i was smoking weed
03:57in
03:57that so let me get this straight you were getting high by the dry goods at the place where you
04:01work
04:02i wasn't getting high it was one joint would it kill you to get me a cheeseburger yeah are you
04:09okay
04:10i brought you a can of lilies mom's favorite i said you get those at the same drug store you
04:13buy
04:14your tampons thanks for coming he needed a fresh target good news mr shaw your numbers have stabilized
04:20so we're gonna discharge you oh hey let the healing begin you sure you don't need to keep them for
04:25like a month or two yeah we'll sign off on any unnecessary exams and probes the nurses have
04:30made it very clear if we don't discharge them as soon as possible they will strike wow fan from
04:33a denny's a church and now a hospital kind of on a hot streak whatever i'm going home little miss
04:38you get my trousers and look away
04:42he should make a full recovery but it'll need to be monitored i suggest you stay with one of you
04:46for
04:48not it no toes rock paper scissors that's not a five rock paper scissors shoot rock paper scissors
04:56shoot smart guy would do paper right now then do it smart guy rock paper scissors shoot
05:01ow come on this is our father that we're talking about you're right this isn't a game
05:06first one to the medical waste bin around the corner wins okay i don't agree with anything
05:10that brought us here but i love a competition on your marks and
05:32don't you enjoy anything fake paint
05:39i win yeah only because i got doored doesn't matter because you have to
05:45take that you have to take that oh oh
05:54i don't know how to work this crap yeah that's the idea keep you distracted for a couple hours
05:58i almost forgot if you need anything anything at all whistle for frank here we go mr sharp
06:07keep this kid from messing around back there are you trying to take my wallet i took your wallet
06:12and keys and as fun as it would be to watch doc says you can't drive so i'm stuck in
06:16this freaking
06:16dump okay well as the owner of this house dump feels like a strong word i mean have you seen
06:20the
06:21new backsplash scooter munchkin here is your landlord how are you still renting at your age
06:26well you could stay at my place dad but remember the condo board deemed you as undesirable
06:30hey hey why don't you knuckleheads go and get my sweater back at the house the blue one
06:36i cannot do it i'm still at work i got an active dui checkpoint going right now dad goodbye frank
06:43i'm turning off my phone shred the backsplash is amazing
06:48i need my sweater i'm not driving to your house to get your sweater you can borrow one of mine
06:52oh just give me a second to find the itchiest one
06:59all right i'll pick it up during lunch unless you want to have an even bigger heart attack right
07:03now and just be done with it now all right yep that with you and mr shaw these lights are
07:11on a
07:11dimmer if that helps you relax
07:17maybe we can still give this away if we just say it's been slow roasted yeah yeah these casinogens
07:22probably taste great hi hi sorry the donation center is temporarily closed we are uh out of
07:28inventory right now i'd actually like to make a donation i don't need this food anymore my cat
07:34passed away oh well let me just take this moment to say your cat has amazing timing
07:44thank you sorry for your loss we need pet food but you know who doesn't dead pets wait i hope
07:52you're not suggesting that we kill pets no but i think i have a plan yeah now i gotta check
07:59in with
07:59my dumb dad every couple of hours because of a major cardiac event he experienced he's gonna
08:03outlive us all he told me that on my 10th birthday and now he's at my house probably rifling through
08:07all
08:07my stuff are you worried he's gonna find your diary it's a captain's log and he's never gonna find
08:12i have it hidden behind oh nice try
08:17wait what's that what's that wrestling sound is that potato chips
08:20no that would be crinklier no no frank is stress eating sugar-free gummy worms right now
08:25look i've been grunting my teeth lately it's a dissolvable bite guard okay you know the sweet
08:30treats you need buddy it's it's tough taking care of an agent parent it really is
08:33your mom's like 45 whatever uh actually my mom just turned 50 and i can't wait to take care of
08:38her because she's gonna be such a fun roommate she really is yeah aging parents can be tough
08:43not for me personally i got all these siblings and cousins i'm never gonna have to worry about it
08:47yeah my sister's on the hook for our parents because she's a hospice nurse so she's like really sweet
08:51about gross oh yeah they're gross we're both lucky hi emily hey frank your um your dad is here
08:59what oh look he senses heat like the predator my best advice is to cover yourself in mud and don't
09:04move he's been strongly requesting his sweater i offered him my office cardigan and he said he does
09:09not like balloon sleeves you have my permission to put him down i want to watch the mariner game
09:14okay yeah we can set you up on the ipad until frank gets back and bring me my sweater dipstick
09:19yeah bring the sweater dipstick sorry frank
09:25don't look at me
09:29no pine tar players who aren't fat baseball is not the same game
09:37oh sorry um i can change that if you want to watch something else no this is a good one
09:41pedro
09:41and jemma getting into a fight wait wait are you telling me that you watch hot pursuit
09:45really no at first i thought it was a cop show and then it got its books at me it's
09:49literally
09:49my favorite dating show of all time we have to turn the volume up throw the subtitles on too
09:53definitely i can never understand what jemma is saying
09:57a donation like this would be a wonderful way to honor the memory of rusty yeah now that he's
10:03crossed over the rainbow bridge his earthly positions can be put to good use
10:08i think rusty would have liked that absolutely yeah now come here you i know this is a difficult
10:16time but may i ask did you buy in bulk hey there's another service starting and look at the size
10:23of
10:23the gravestone you just know they spoiled their dog please don't know before 5 pm thank you watch out
10:34oh god another great up though i don't know how they can legally call any of those things bathing
10:41suits but well it's good that you have the show yeah wait what do you mean nothing it fills a
10:48void for
10:48you it's good okay well you don't actually know that much about me so well i was a detective for
10:5430
10:54years i can draw a few conclusions please don't you have a small bald spot in an irregular location
11:00on your scalp you're a worrier and you're a workaholic and clearly you're not married based on that
11:06withering ring finger excuse me um i am actually very happy with my life and i am not in a
11:13rush for
11:14any of that stuff well part of the issue is how you dress what's with the blazer you into masters
11:22the homeowner said she's been hearing a scuttling sound coming from up there for the past two weeks
11:27and she said it's less of a shuk shuk shuk shuk and more of a tick tick tick tick
11:32annoying and unhelpful as usual thanks
11:37hey emily putting you on speaker hi frank yeah your father's a nightmare so his condition hasn't
11:42changed sounds like you 86ed him darn right i put him in the parking lot isn't it about to rain
11:47yes so
11:48please come pick him up i am gonna go journal bye
12:01what i'm sending a cab to take it to my house i'm not getting into some driverless robot car no
12:06i said
12:07a cab probably driven by another half-blind old man like you it's going to start raining i do just
12:12fine
12:12in the rain it's the viet khan
12:21are you all right yeah i'm fine no i'm not he's probably gonna catch pneumonia and then i'll be
12:27stuck with him indefinitely him slowly fusing to the fabric in the couch me explaining what happened
12:31the old host of jeopardy that's my life forever
12:40hey you okay all right you scared me a little bit visions going blurry just gonna take a closer look
12:47at the floor wait frank frank i only know how to do cpr on a dog i need you to
12:52get up
12:52ah haven't you done enough
13:00omg look who's here you remember patel victoria emily dude i didn't hit my head we came as soon
13:07as we heard well as soon as we could make out what shreed was saying in between sobs okay guys
13:11i'm fine unless i'm not of course well we're here for you buddy you got a plan for the sherbert
13:15oh and
13:16don't worry frank your dad is okay i didn't he's down in the car and can i just say i
13:20am surprised
13:20this is your first heart episode mr shaw good news your ekg results are normal yes i knew it my
13:26heart is awesome yours all suck it seems this incident was simply caused by excessive flatulence
13:31well thank you doctor for waiting until all my co-workers were present to give me that diagnosis
13:37could we get that report in writing we'd love to frame it have you had any sugar-free foods recently
13:42yes my man was mainlining sugar-free gummy worms all day well that would do it we found high
13:47amounts of sorbitol in your blood which can contribute to chest pain and high levels of gas
13:51yeah i was here when the nurse released it and uh i will never forget what i heard stop stop
13:57listen
13:57i don't usually eat this way i track all my macros across three different apps i just wound a little
14:03tight today well today was a false alarm but with your family history of heart disease it's important
14:08that you manage your stress you know i still have a lot to process so i'm gonna have to ask
14:15all of
14:15you to leave the room absolutely of course immediately yeah no we gotta go we gotta go
14:21right now we gotta go right now okay i just got a message from that family who buried their poodle
14:27two bags of food and a gently used dog bed at this rate i'm gonna need a second shed hey
14:32guys i just
14:33got a pretty weird call a man said that you were soliciting him during his cat's funeral no we didn't
14:38mean to interrupt the service it was just a super long moment of silence what actually we brought them
14:42closure and scored a bunch of free stuff up top look your job is very hard but it has turned
14:48you into and i say this with love soulless monsters uh soulless monsters with a kennel full of new
14:53dog food yeah okay um look i'm a cool boss i am everyone knows it everyone's talking about it and
15:00i know that you guys use gallows humor to get through the day but this has gone too far i
15:04really think you
15:04need to talk to somebody about it you mean like an open mic because i've been working on this joke
15:08about
15:08the headless rabbits we found you've heard of a headless head but have you heard i don't want to
15:13hear the end of that um no i i meant that there's a more healthy way to process the sad
15:17things that
15:17you see on the job than making jokes like therapy we don't need that we don't need that it's not
15:22good
15:23to bottle stuff up look at frank and how should we be what like you yeah yelling at old guys
15:28leaving
15:28them out in the monsoon okay fine be miserable i don't really care just don't let it affect your jobs
15:32anymore okay that's a good plan i've heard of undressing people with your eyes but hugging
15:42people with your eyes it's disturbing you really scared me today everything scares you i can't say
15:47bloody mary three times without you don't it's twice this year don't do it and i'm serious man okay
15:52your dad turns you into a stress machine and it's only going to get worse as he gets older so
15:57i've brought somebody here that knows a thing or two about that
16:09i'll give you two a second along someday they'll track a disease spreading to this very moment
16:21that is really cute adorable see we feel stuff yeah we're not monsters we just don't dwell on
16:27the negatives right if we were we would look at that puppy over there and we might remember some
16:31things yeah like what happened on route 12. route 12 i don't i don't think i remember that one route
16:3812
16:39was the labradoodle puppy no i know of course i remember i'm just pushing it down
16:45what was his name
16:49splat no seriously i want to remember it wasn't splat it was burrito burrito that's right
16:54i knew something pretty stop i can feel you getting upset i don't want to get upset so just stop
16:59crying i'm not a best you remember the kittens in the well alistair pepper buttons and crosby i think
17:06about them every night i don't want to think about them anymore i'm so sick of thinking of that
17:12you guys are scaring that child what's going on you are in the floodgate everything's gonna die
17:16everything is okay all right i'm pulling you both from the field let's go cherish this time
17:20because before you know when that dog's gonna be gone no no no no no no no no he's gonna
17:25be there
17:25he's gonna be there therapy now i don't know bucky doesn't he realize that you're supposed to mellow
17:32out with age somehow think he's getting even worse and because my family sucks i'm gonna be the one
17:38that has to take care of him and i just don't know if i can do that i mean who's
17:44gonna take care
17:44of me when i get old because i'm all alone and i don't know if that's ever gonna change
17:56you are surprisingly helpful to talk to i didn't want to tell you this hit it
18:06i can't believe i'm gonna say this but uh i'd like to talk to you we need to try and
18:13find a way to
18:14make this work we need to gal less or maybe even listen i'm just saying what like i understand that
18:25you've been through a lot these past few days so
18:30here
18:34it's the wrong sweater numb nuts i said the blue one that is blue the one i like not the
18:40cheap one you
18:41gave me for christmas colorblind and stupid
18:50you can't leave him here i won the race i have no honor
18:57my wife vetoed all my baby names huckleberry patel would have been a major league pitcher
19:03so what have i got to say to get you to prescribe me the good stuff i think i let
19:07us down a weird path
19:08i'm not actually gonna kill anyone you know i was just asking if you would have to report it
19:12out of curiosity and you do have to report it which is good and why i asked i understand that
19:19giving
19:19a patient a letter gray completely misses the point of therapy but if you were to give me a score
19:23out of
19:23a hundred on how good i'm doing there's a couple of areas i don't want to unravel love life family
19:28fear of mortality oh nothing about body
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