- 9 hours ago
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00:00:12I'm just going to put that. It's okay if I put that. Thank you.
00:00:22So sorry, I think my sleeve is sort of inside of me somehow.
00:00:26Let me help you.
00:00:27No, no, no. No, I've got it. I'm just going to take a breath out of the car.
00:00:35Sorry. I'm normally really good at taking my coat off. I think I'm just tired.
00:00:40I got up really early this morning to do a sunrise aura reset because my best friend, Eddie,
00:00:47she has this amazing new friend who's like a healer and I'm getting to learn all about her.
00:00:52She's like, I'm always there. Sorry.
00:01:02But I'm just here to have lunch with my dad.
00:01:05I've actually been estranged for three years, but I'm in like a really good place.
00:01:10And I think you should see that. And, you know, also, he will die one day pretty soon due to
00:01:17his lifestyle choices.
00:01:18And I don't want to feel guilty of his funeral. He's just very, well, you know what dads are like.
00:01:23My dad died before he was born.
00:01:26That is so...
00:01:27Do you have a reservation?
00:01:28Yeah, it's under Mark Anderson.
00:01:32The other party is already here.
00:01:34This way, please.
00:01:41You can make it on your own right.
00:01:44Yep.
00:01:45I told Ricky, you'll have to do it without me.
00:01:48There's nothing funny about watching people working in an office.
00:01:52It goes on about every time I see him.
00:01:55Maggie!
00:01:55There you are. Sit.
00:01:58Are you all right?
00:02:00You're not taking that time out again, are you?
00:02:04Is there anything you want to say to me?
00:02:07Hello?
00:02:08We haven't spoken in three years.
00:02:10Oh, yes, we have.
00:02:11No, we haven't...
00:02:12I saw you last year at Emma's wedding.
00:02:14That was six years ago.
00:02:15I don't think so.
00:02:16We're estranged. Did you...
00:02:19Did you not know that?
00:02:21No, I did not know that.
00:02:29Have you lost weight?
00:02:30You look less...
00:02:32Puffy?
00:02:34Excuse me.
00:02:35I'm just going to...
00:02:38This.
00:02:39DiGodo.
00:02:39Ahem.
00:02:42What the hell?
00:02:57What is that?
00:03:01You gave up on board to me.
00:03:04Why!?
00:03:04I mean, you gave up on board to me.
00:03:06like all I know is this.
00:03:07Sorry.
00:03:20Hey.
00:03:21Hey, oh, oh my God, it is going so badly with my dad.
00:03:26Wait, let me put you on speaker, Wendy's right here.
00:03:28Oh, no, no, no, that's not, no.
00:03:30Hey Maggie, I hope you're wearing your unity crystal.
00:03:33Have you led him through a brief grounding chant
00:03:35like I suggested?
00:03:36Not yet.
00:03:37Get back out there, girl.
00:03:39It's just, Dad hadn't actually noticed.
00:03:44We were estranged, which begs the question,
00:03:47can you even be estranged from someone
00:03:49if the other person has no idea?
00:03:51You know, what would really help
00:03:53is a percussive bonding ritual.
00:03:55Okay, great, yeah, I'll try that then.
00:03:58Oh, no, oh, I'm so sorry.
00:04:00No, it can't be done by an amateur.
00:04:02I wish it was that simple.
00:04:03Could you do it, Wyn?
00:04:05I mean, I perfected the technique.
00:04:09You know what?
00:04:10I'd love to give this gift to you, Maggie.
00:04:13Could you bring Pops to us?
00:04:15My rain stick does not travel well.
00:04:17Yeah, no, that sounds amazing.
00:04:20I just don't know if I can get my dad to go along with it.
00:04:23Max, I know your dad's a menace,
00:04:25but Wynnie's done this a hundred times.
00:04:27She's the reason Angelina lets John Boyd around for Christmas.
00:04:34Well, don't ask, don't get, right?
00:04:37Ah, amazing!
00:04:38You're really starting to become someone of substance, Max.
00:04:43Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:04:56So, even though you haven't noticed, we are estranged.
00:05:01I'm not sure that's possible, if one of the estranged is unaware that he's estranged.
00:05:06Yeah, I'm pretty sure a normal parent would have noticed they haven't spoken to their daughter in over three calendar
00:05:11years.
00:05:11Oh, it hasn't been that long?
00:05:12Yes, it has.
00:05:13All right, we can pretend it has, if that's what you prefer.
00:05:16Oh, we don't need to pretend, because it is the literal truth.
00:05:19Your generation is wholly responsible for the rampant overuse of the word literal.
00:05:24It literally makes me want to carry a dictionary around so I can throw it.
00:05:28Listen, you reached out to me.
00:05:29I have been doing great without your work. It's been amazing. I have a play.
00:05:32So sorry, Mr. Anderson, I wanted to send a little something over. I'm a huge fan.
00:05:36I had the DVD box set of Man-Ager. I used to watch it literally every day before school.
00:05:42No, I wish you were still on TV.
00:05:43Oh, please, come on. Is it your man's game?
00:05:46You could do Taskmaster. You'd be so funny.
00:05:48Can we get another water, please?
00:05:51Of course.
00:05:52Oh, thank you so much.
00:06:01You know, Maggie, it's really telling how people treat restaurant staff.
00:06:06We were having a conversation.
00:06:08No, we were having a conversation.
00:06:10As I was saying...
00:06:11That's a fizz.
00:06:16Are you drinking again?
00:06:26Oh, come on, Maggie.
00:06:27Try and relax.
00:06:29Relax.
00:06:50Hey, just out of interest. What do you think of people who are, like, into crystals and...
00:06:54First to go in my revolution.
00:06:55Yeah, that's what I thought.
00:07:03Come on, you were telling me about your work.
00:07:05Um, yeah, so, um, my play, Light Glue, nearly won this huge award.
00:07:11Only nearly.
00:07:14Well, I got down to the final five out of thousands of submissions, so...
00:07:17Oh, wow.
00:07:18My agent said a lot of the theatres are really interested in it.
00:07:21So what's your plan B?
00:07:23Sorry?
00:07:23Well, you've been trying to get the writing going for some years now, isn't it?
00:07:26Time that, you know, you're considered exploring other avenues?
00:07:32Hmm.
00:07:39Yeah, I'm going to need another one of these.
00:07:43I am going to have the burger, please.
00:07:48Actually, I'll have the, um, Caesar salad.
00:07:50Yeah, I'll, um, I'll have the burger, please.
00:07:53Yes, sir.
00:07:55Right.
00:07:56So, I've got something to ask you.
00:07:57And, uh, I'd like to get this out of the way, if I might.
00:08:01I realize I haven't been the most family-orientated father, but, uh, you know, to be fair to me, I've
00:08:07had my work...
00:08:08There is a woman over there who has not stopped staring at us.
00:08:10Tends to happen.
00:08:11No, but, like, I recognize her. Like, I swear I've met her before.
00:08:13Maggie, please concentrate.
00:08:15Tonight, the National Comedy Awards are presenting me with a Lifetime Achievement Award.
00:08:22Okay.
00:08:25Congratulations.
00:08:27Well, thank you.
00:08:29And I'd like you to come with me.
00:08:31As you know, I gave up television, oh, what, 20 years ago, and I, um, I normally turn these kind
00:08:36of things down, but I thought, no, no, no, it might be nice now to acknowledge the impact my work
00:08:41has had on the British comedy landscape.
00:08:43You know, my parents are long gone, and as lovely as your mother may be, I realized shortly after our
00:08:48wedding that marriage probably wasn't for me.
00:08:52Shortly after your wedding?
00:08:53So, essentially, Maggie, you are my only family, and I would like my family with me tonight.
00:09:02I'm just a little, um, taken aback, I suppose, because you have never, ever included me in anything to do
00:09:08with your work, or indeed, life, before.
00:09:11Well, I'm a private man.
00:09:13I am your biological child.
00:09:15Tonight is important.
00:09:18And you are important to me.
00:09:29Oh, I stupidly cast a dog.
00:09:32I mean, what was I thinking?
00:09:34All the time, yapping away.
00:09:36You know what?
00:09:37Someone nicked it.
00:09:38Ran off with it.
00:09:40I don't know, people stole everything in those days.
00:09:43Nineties were much simpler.
00:09:44Hey, do you know we had an on-set coke deal?
00:09:47No, you didn't.
00:09:48Yeah, yeah.
00:09:49Do you know, I put him in series three, after the actor we originally cast got hit by a jet
00:09:54ski.
00:09:55What?
00:09:55Yeah.
00:09:56There were so many more jet ski accidents back then.
00:09:58You know what?
00:09:58It was a weekly appearance.
00:09:59Vroom, vroom.
00:10:02Yes.
00:10:07Oh, poo on me.
00:10:09I beg you, pardon?
00:10:11Um.
00:10:20Sorry, tell me more about this.
00:10:24What?
00:10:26What?
00:10:29Hmm.
00:10:30Yes.
00:10:31Okay.
00:10:33Um, okay.
00:10:34Um, okay, I'll come.
00:10:36What?
00:10:36Excellent.
00:10:37Yeah, if you do something for me now.
00:10:39What?
00:10:40What?
00:10:40What's going on?
00:10:41Look.
00:10:42Eddie has become one of those crystal woo-woo people, and she goes everywhere with this awful
00:10:47TikTok hippie named Whitney.
00:10:48And long story short, they are coming here to perform a father-daughter healing ceremony
00:10:52using a rain stick, and I can't stop them.
00:10:53So just say nothing or nod.
00:10:56And basically, if we get through this, I will come with you to your awards saying, do we have
00:10:59a deal?
00:11:01Is Eddie your boyfriend?
00:11:03No.
00:11:04Eddie is a girl.
00:11:04She's my friend.
00:11:05You have met her several times.
00:11:09Ah, do we have a deal?
00:11:11I'm not sure what the deal is, but all right, fine.
00:11:13Just say nothing.
00:11:14We're not.
00:11:14Okay?
00:11:15It's, hey, girl.
00:11:15Mr. Anderson, hi.
00:11:17Hi, I'm Whitney.
00:11:19I'm sure Maggie has told you all about me, but I am a professional lightworker, and well,
00:11:25since losing my own father, I've become particularly passionate about helping daddies.
00:11:29I just spoke to the hostess, who is such a sweetheart, by the way.
00:11:33Literally an angel.
00:11:34Yeah.
00:11:34I love her as well.
00:11:36And she's actually given us use of the private dining room for a couple of hours.
00:11:39I mean, God, isn't that so kind?
00:11:42So kind.
00:11:42So we'll go set up, and once we're done, then we can get started.
00:11:47Oh.
00:11:48If you're concerned about the friction inherent in Maggie's aura, we've been working hard
00:11:56on that.
00:11:57I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
00:12:01Oh.
00:12:02See you in there.
00:12:09There's so many places I could start, but professional lightworker is as good as any.
00:12:14No, don't.
00:12:15Look, I just need to figure out a way to get them out of here.
00:12:17What possessed you to go along with something as excruciating as this?
00:12:22Eddie is my best friend, and I just want to support her.
00:12:24Oh, cut the shit.
00:12:25You're not doing this to be supportive.
00:12:26You're doing this because your best friend's got a shiny new pal, and you're all jealous.
00:12:30And I'm assuming because you're at join them, you failed at beat them.
00:12:33Now, instead of being honest with your friend, you're prepared to go along with their delusions
00:12:38for, what, months, years?
00:12:39Or until one day you wake up in a hippie commune in Wales with no running water and at least
00:12:44one
00:12:44suspicious death?
00:12:45Oh, it's Devon, actually.
00:12:47Integrity, Maggie.
00:12:49Integrity.
00:12:50It's crucial for any writer worth their sort, any person.
00:12:54And it's not worth giving up at the drop of a rain stick.
00:12:59You know, you were lucky enough to inherit a reasonably sharp mind, thanks to me.
00:13:04And you constantly disappoint me by wasting it.
00:13:09Excuse me for a minute.
00:13:24We're ready.
00:13:26I'm sorry, Whitney, could I...
00:13:28Could you just, um, put Eddie on?
00:13:33Hey, what's up?
00:13:34We're just in the back.
00:13:36No, I know.
00:13:36Um, can you just, um...
00:13:38Could you just come to the bathroom, maybe?
00:13:40Just come here.
00:13:42Look, I just want to talk to you.
00:13:47Maggie, I'm not the expert here.
00:13:49Whitney is.
00:13:50Just come and chat to her.
00:13:52But I just want to...
00:13:53I just want to...
00:13:53I just want to...
00:13:53I just want to...
00:13:53I just want to...
00:13:54I just want to...
00:14:18I just want to...
00:14:21Look, I was, um, too harsh.
00:14:26I was just, uh, concerned.
00:14:31I'm sorry.
00:14:36Did you just apologize?
00:14:41That need a minute.
00:14:47You were mean.
00:14:50But you were right.
00:14:54Look, I understand that you feel that I haven't been the perfect father.
00:15:02I was, um, I was incredibly busy during your childhood.
00:15:08You know, I was writing and starring my own show.
00:15:12I put everything I had into the making of Man-Ager, everything.
00:15:17And, of course, there were epic heists.
00:15:19Oh, my God, there were epic heists.
00:15:22But the lows, the lows are terrible.
00:15:25I wonder what might have caused that.
00:15:26But we weren't like your generation, you see?
00:15:29You lot are more into, I don't know, self-flagellation.
00:15:34Begging therapists for the secular equivalent of ten Hail Marys.
00:15:39You know, when things were hard for us, we huddled together in someone's office,
00:15:44rang the local pub for delivery, and then we shook the cobwebs off.
00:15:51And as a result of that, I wasn't at home as much as I should have been.
00:15:58There are so many things I regret when it comes to you and your mother.
00:16:03So, I just, um, I just want us to have a better relationship.
00:16:13But, and I really, really want you to understand this,
00:16:17I cannot attend a rainstick healing ceremony,
00:16:22especially as you yourself know it to be complete horseshit.
00:16:26We're ready!
00:16:28Oh!
00:16:29Um, we, um...
00:16:33We aren't, we aren't coming.
00:16:35Why not?
00:16:36Because this will really help Whitney gain more followers and we're fundraising for...
00:16:39Sorry, what do you mean followers?
00:16:41Instagram followers.
00:16:44You were going to film this and put it on Instagram?
00:16:46Yeah, yeah.
00:16:47Whitney thought because your dad was on TV,
00:16:49it will help drive traffic to her page.
00:16:51But the point is, Maggie, this will really help you.
00:16:54Whitney really knows.
00:16:56Oh, Whitney does fuck all!
00:17:00Oh, no, no, Whitney's...
00:17:06Oh, no, I don't have it in me.
00:17:07Whitney is an idiot.
00:17:09And you've become the most selfish fucking hippie I have ever met.
00:17:14What?
00:17:15Sorry.
00:17:16Oh, I'm sorry.
00:17:17I'm sorry.
00:17:18It's all, it's bollocks.
00:17:20I know that healing can feel uncomfortable.
00:17:22Oh, what the fuck?
00:17:23Do you know about healing, Eddie?
00:17:25Do you even know what the word means?
00:17:27Because it doesn't mean going AWOL with a fake guru
00:17:30who clearly just stole your money to get turkey teeth.
00:17:34What are you talking about?
00:17:36Oh, I'm sorry.
00:17:37There's no way the Eddie I know believes any of this shit.
00:17:41You have a sharper mind than that.
00:17:43It's just, it's disappointing, honestly.
00:17:44Maggie, maybe we should take a meditation break.
00:17:47I mean, your forehead veins are telling me your chakras are completely off balance.
00:17:51New rule, you're only allowed to speak if you're vaccinated.
00:17:53I can't have loud emotional arguments in here.
00:17:56This is a restaurant.
00:17:56That's fine.
00:17:57We were just leaving.
00:17:58Eddie, come on.
00:17:58Eddie.
00:17:58No, you said enough.
00:18:00I should have listened to Whitney and done this weeks ago.
00:18:02But Maggie, we're done.
00:18:05I don't want you in my life anymore.
00:18:09Good for you.
00:18:10Good for you.
00:18:17Sit down, darling.
00:18:27I'm really proud of you.
00:18:30You told her the truth.
00:18:33And the truth, as they say, will set you free.
00:18:37Hey, let me top you off.
00:18:40Could we have the bill, please?
00:18:43Yes.
00:19:01Could I, um, trouble you for our coats, please?
00:19:04Yes.
00:19:08Come on.
00:19:10Is she okay?
00:19:10What earth are you?
00:19:11Yeah, fine.
00:19:12Nothing that a little fresh air won't fix.
00:19:14We're off to an awards ceremony up the road.
00:19:17I hope it doesn't drag on too long.
00:19:20You know what they're like.
00:19:21A bit like school assembly that you can't escape from.
00:19:26Mark.
00:19:26Mark Anderson.
00:19:27Me, yep.
00:19:28I need you to advance on the coats, love, please.
00:19:29But you don't remember me.
00:19:32No.
00:19:33No, you were probably too little.
00:19:35You were only nine, I think, tiny wee thing.
00:19:37I babysat for you back in Galway.
00:19:39Oh.
00:19:41I didn't think I'd see you again.
00:19:43And I sat down for lunch and bam, in your walks.
00:19:47I was only 20-odd.
00:19:49God, I was so young and I feel awful.
00:19:52Come on.
00:19:53And I felt so bad because your mum was so lovely.
00:19:57God.
00:20:00I didn't know what I was doing.
00:20:09You know, I refused to talk to that journalist woman.
00:20:15She called me a few months ago when I said I wouldn't talk about you,
00:20:18even though she said the other women had.
00:20:24Just so you know.
00:20:27Right, come on then.
00:20:28What's she talking about?
00:20:29Oh, well, I don't know.
00:20:30God knows.
00:20:32I don't think she's right in the head.
00:20:34What was she talking about?
00:20:35Oh, they try and do this to every semi-famous man of a certain age nowadays.
00:20:42Some hack has written a supposed expose on my romantic relationships in the 90s.
00:20:48All consensual, all adults.
00:20:50But because some of these women that worked with me at the time...
00:20:54Poor you.
00:20:54I mean, now they're trying to claim there's some kind of abuse involved.
00:20:57I mean, come on.
00:20:59It's just crap.
00:20:59It's nonsense.
00:21:01Well, what can you do?
00:21:02You know what I mean?
00:21:03Sell us papers.
00:21:03And that's why you want me to come with you tonight, right?
00:21:06No, of course not.
00:21:07You're about to get cancelled, so you want to use me to show that you're actually a loving
00:21:10family man who wouldn't hurt a flight.
00:21:12All right, just calm down.
00:21:15I won't do that for you.
00:21:17You know, a not very wise man once said to me the truth will set you free, but I think
00:21:22what he actually meant is it's more fun to be brutally honest, but only when it suits
00:21:26you.
00:21:27Which is not as catchy.
00:21:31I have spent so many years trying to figure you out.
00:21:37But if so much of what you say is a lie, then what's the point in even trying?
00:21:41I have this unshakable hope in us that made me come here today and it made me drink, and
00:21:45I don't drink anymore, but I can't say that to you because it's too close to the bone, isn't
00:21:48it?
00:21:49How many did you have before I got here today?
00:21:52Four or five?
00:21:55I'd have guessed four, but I'm a little rusty.
00:22:01I'm not like you.
00:22:05I'm medicated.
00:22:22I stole 50 quid from his wallet.
00:22:25Do you want a hot chocolate?
00:22:32Yeah.
00:22:54I don't know.
00:22:57Look.
00:23:05I'm going to save her
00:23:06I know I need to fight for her
00:23:09I know she deserves it, okay?
00:23:13Stop sending me fucking zoom links
00:23:15I am the captain now, no more zoom
00:23:19Just meet me in my flat in an hour
00:23:21I'm bringing all the nerdy stationery I know you have
00:23:23We're going big
00:23:43They're nicer than I thought you were
00:23:48My dad died jet skiing with his mistress in Jamaica
00:23:53When my mom was pregnant with me
00:23:58There used to be a lot more jet ski accidents
00:24:04Sacred inner space
00:24:06We must be careful about who we allow
00:24:10To influence our fertile spirits
00:24:13Especially as busy CEOs
00:24:15In the fast-paced world of corporate stationery
00:24:21Did that work?
00:24:22It is perfect
00:24:24The CEOs are going to love it
00:24:25And you'll be so grateful
00:24:26Well, she better
00:24:28Because, I mean, she hasn't actually paid me yet
00:24:31I mean, that's the only reason I'm even here
00:24:34She will
00:24:35Don't worry
00:24:36Because 20 grand will buy us a lot of bamboo sleeping mats
00:24:38I'll chase the invoice
00:24:40Make sure it's cash or check
00:24:42Once we get to Devon tomorrow
00:24:43We won't have Wi-Fi on the farm
00:24:45Right then
00:24:47Those stationary honchos are absolutely ravenous
00:24:50For your keynote speech
00:24:51They're just in with the Reiki fella now
00:24:53In the meantime
00:24:54We need your phones
00:24:58The frog shaming has a bit of a thing about 5G
00:25:01And we like to keep these retreats as screen-free as possible
00:25:04Thank you
00:25:08Anya
00:25:08Whitney was just asking about her fee
00:25:10Oh, all in hand
00:25:11We just need to get you in for a quick aura assessment, Whitney
00:25:13And a tree for all guest practitioners
00:25:17Oh, sorry, babe
00:25:19The assessment is strictly confidential
00:25:21No plus one
00:25:22Whitney would want me there
00:25:23I don't, actually
00:25:25Just stay here and practice breathing
00:25:35And you wrote me into helping out
00:25:37I really didn't want to
00:25:38But I used to wear my bail money for that thing in Falaraki
00:25:40So
00:25:40Very like the other guests
00:25:45Um
00:25:49Is that a pager?
00:25:50Sorry
00:25:51I'm needed in the, um
00:25:54Clonic tent
00:25:55So just wait here and I'll wait for you long
00:26:07I just thought people might be home
00:26:10Sleepover print
00:26:12What was that?
00:26:13Sorry, okay
00:26:14I don't fuck all about this woo-woo shit
00:26:16It's very hard to improvise around a subject you know nothing about
00:26:19Which is why you were sent a 35-page primer
00:26:21Can confirm it was sent to your Gmail, Alters?
00:26:24It was hammer block last weekend
00:26:25Call yourself an ally
00:26:26Fine
00:26:27Let me summarise
00:26:28Print
00:26:29You probably need a refresher too, so
00:26:36Right
00:26:36So the goal today is to deprogram Eddie
00:26:39And save her from Whitney's evil scheme
00:26:41It's not as simple
00:26:42As just showing her the evidence we've found
00:26:44Eddie has really drunk that kombucha Kool-Aid
00:26:46So we need to be careful
00:26:48But
00:26:48If we can keep her here
00:26:50And follow these simple steps I found on Reddit
00:26:54I think we have a shot at success
00:26:56I know it's a big fucking swing
00:26:57But it's the least Eddie deserves
00:26:59Which is why I stepped up to be the primary slash only financial backer
00:27:03And executive producer
00:27:04Right
00:27:04Thank you, Krent
00:27:06We've got step one out of the way
00:27:07We've got them separated
00:27:09And Anya's holding Whitney off
00:27:11For now
00:27:11But we're on the clock, people
00:27:13Whitney is getting on a secret flight early tomorrow morning
00:27:16So we need to intercept today
00:27:18Save Eddie
00:27:19And get her goddamn money back
00:27:24I was getting to that
00:27:26Eddie has transferred almost everything she has
00:27:29Into Whitney's bank account
00:27:30So that she can buy this supposed farm in her name
00:27:33But
00:27:34We know the pictures she showed Eddie
00:27:37Are just the fifth result
00:27:39When you google image search
00:27:41English farm
00:27:43Phone me
00:27:44We need to get that money
00:27:46Out of Whitney's account by EOD
00:27:48Before it's gone forever
00:27:50What does
00:27:51End of day
00:27:52I've almost cracked Whitney's account
00:27:53But I've come up against one final hurdle
00:27:55The memorable question
00:27:57What's the memorable question?
00:27:59First pet's name
00:28:02He looks like Larry
00:28:04Dry Larry
00:28:04That
00:28:05Is where Anya comes in
00:28:10Ready to start the assessment?
00:28:13I've never seen equipment like this before
00:28:16May I ask which practitioner this is informed by?
00:28:19Oh, I believe
00:28:20I believe it was Savaiya Subramaniyaswami
00:28:22Who perfected the technique
00:28:26Impressor
00:28:27So
00:28:27Question one
00:28:29What would you say your
00:28:31Soul animal
00:28:33Is
00:28:34Soul animal
00:28:35Damn she's good
00:28:37Okay then team
00:28:42Send in
00:28:44The interrogator
00:28:49Gillian
00:28:50Eddie
00:28:51What a lovely surprise
00:29:02Well now
00:29:03Well now
00:29:04It's been a while
00:29:04Yeah
00:29:06Sorry
00:29:06Did Anya invite you
00:29:08Retirement
00:29:09It turns out
00:29:10Is awfully boring
00:29:11So I've been doing some light events catering
00:29:14Keeps me busy
00:29:15Would you like a cheese spoon?
00:29:18I made them this morning
00:29:24Are you sure your mum can do this?
00:29:26When I was 17
00:29:28I admitted to making her drink at a wedding I hadn't even been at
00:29:30What's her secret?
00:29:32Guilt
00:29:33And crumbs
00:29:36Wow
00:29:38That's so
00:29:39Loose
00:29:41So Eddie
00:29:42I hear you're moving to Devon
00:29:44Tomorrow
00:29:47We've bought a small farm
00:29:50And we're going to live off the land
00:29:52And start an intentional community
00:29:53Focused on
00:29:54Inner peace
00:29:55Make sure you finish that love
00:29:57It's bad luck to leave a scorn in half
00:30:00And how can your friend Whitney
00:30:03Afford a farm?
00:30:06We bought it together
00:30:07That's nice
00:30:0850-50 sort of a deal
00:30:11And you've been down to have a look
00:30:13I take it
00:30:14Before making any financial commitment
00:30:19Wow
00:30:20That was
00:30:22Delicious
00:30:23Really
00:30:25Overwhelming
00:30:27In a good way
00:30:30Have another one
00:30:32While they're fresh
00:30:37Did you see that?
00:30:38That was good
00:30:41Very yeah
00:30:42What was it there?
00:30:43Look at the look
00:30:44On Eddie's face
00:30:45It's the same look she gets when someone offers her a bump in the loo
00:30:50She's not sure
00:30:58I don't want to get involved in the rift between you and Maggie
00:31:02But I'm her mommy
00:31:03And I've got to say one thing
00:31:05What's she doing?
00:31:06You mean so much to Maggie
00:31:08You're her family, Eddie
00:31:10And I just
00:31:12I worry about what will happen to her without you
00:31:16How about
00:31:17What will happen to me?
00:31:19Brian
00:31:20Pull her out
00:31:21And say one more
00:31:23Just go
00:31:27Jesus
00:31:30I have spent a lot of my life looking after Maggie
00:31:33You abandoned her, Eddie
00:31:35Do you have any idea what that did to her?
00:31:38Jenny
00:31:42There you are
00:31:43Everything is ready
00:31:45For your acupuncture session
00:31:48With
00:31:49Sean Ness
00:31:52Café
00:31:54Of course
00:31:58We wouldn't want to keep
00:32:00Sean Ness Café wishing
00:32:02Would we?
00:32:14I recently discovered that I was a dog in most of my previous lives
00:32:18And I must say
00:32:19I think I recognise the scent of your astral trail, Whitney
00:32:24Perhaps we were puppies together
00:32:27In
00:32:29Soviet Russia
00:32:31Wouldn't that be something?
00:32:34Ha ha
00:32:34Ha
00:32:36Ever had a dog, Whitney?
00:32:38One
00:32:39As a kid
00:32:40Her name was Baby
00:32:41Baby
00:32:43Is I?
00:32:44Baby
00:32:46Yeah, baby
00:32:47Oh, no
00:32:47Don't do that
00:32:50No
00:32:51I didn't know about the attempt
00:32:53And they made all
00:32:54Good
00:32:57That was not what I asked you to do
00:32:59I think you'll find it's exactly what you asked
00:33:02Thank you very much
00:33:02I sowed seeds of doubt
00:33:04And then I had some time left over
00:33:05So I thought I'd try and help
00:33:06I'm not doing this for me, Mum
00:33:07I'm doing it for Eddie
00:33:08Of course you are, darling
00:33:12Okay
00:33:13Time for stage three
00:33:14In form
00:33:15Ready to go?
00:33:16Toast, babe
00:33:16I mean, if I was right about what an HDMI cable is
00:33:19Wait
00:33:20Wait
00:33:20Before we watch
00:33:22I just want to say
00:33:25From the moment I saw Flubber in my father's home theatre
00:33:28I knew my future lay in the art of what the French call cinema
00:33:32Oh, God, I knew I should have worked on this first
00:33:51Hey, Eddie
00:33:52Don't freak out
00:33:54Sit down
00:33:55Relax
00:33:57In his seminal 1981 paper, Cult Formation
00:34:01A psychiatrist, Robert J. Lifton observed that the most common unifying feature of high control groups
00:34:07Is the presence of a charismatic leader
00:34:09One who can't be questioned or held accountable for anything they do
00:34:15Not bad
00:34:17All of us can relate to having someone to look up to
00:34:21For instance, if Madonna told me to plunge my hands into a bucket of hot piss
00:34:26I'd say
00:34:27Pass the bucket
00:34:30But that doesn't mean I wouldn't regret it later, Eddie
00:34:32When I'm scrubbing my hands under hot water trying to get the smell of piss off me
00:34:36Once strictly a job
00:34:38For dirty white men
00:34:40Cult leadership is now a viable option for people from all walks of life
00:34:45Even hot bells
00:34:51Shit, she's getting antsy
00:34:52No, we knew this would happen, so
00:34:54We also added this
00:35:14What the fuck, Frank?
00:35:16Well, I did better than whatever that was
00:35:18Get her off, this is gonna kill me
00:35:22What were you thinking?
00:35:23I was thinking my audience needed some sugar with their medicine
00:35:26I'm gonna kill her
00:35:26I'm gonna lie on
00:35:29Look, this isn't some fun bit
00:35:31This is Eddie's life
00:35:32And if we fuck this up because you idiots
00:35:34Can't do anything normally
00:35:36Then I might lose her for good this time
00:35:37And I can't face that, okay?
00:35:40I can't face it
00:35:43So please, just fucking focus
00:35:50Just, why, Larry
00:35:52What?
00:35:53No, no, no
00:35:57Gee, it must nearly be time for my talk
00:35:59You've actually only been here for 20 minutes
00:36:01The oral reading can really control your sense of time
00:36:04If you let it
00:36:06My sense of time was specifically complimented on by a clockless monk I met in Peru
00:36:15Wait, what's she doing?
00:36:22It's happening
00:36:23Stage four people, come the fuck on
00:36:35One sec
00:36:36Gotta wrangle some lost herbalists
00:36:38I mean, we're at the same point
00:37:08Huh?
00:37:10Oh heeeeeeeeeeeey?
00:37:14Andy?
00:37:15Can you just check my crotch is dry?
00:37:18Is this for real?
00:37:22He's locked!
00:37:24What?
00:37:25You shouldn't be locked
00:37:26Fuck!
00:37:27Dominion!
00:37:29ANNOUNCER Portuguese
00:37:29inland Andy what?
00:37:31A baby is coming out of her!
00:37:33Fucking help her!
00:37:35Sind we going out?
00:37:37Quick you,
00:37:37Where's Whitney?
00:37:38There is a map in your emails.
00:37:40No, I mean...
00:37:41She's not in the room.
00:37:42What?
00:37:46Help us, you prick!
00:37:49Shh, shh, shh.
00:37:50You should be shouting like that.
00:37:51You might burst the baby.
00:37:53You need to distract me.
00:37:54Take my hand.
00:37:56Jog.
00:37:57Jog.
00:37:59Maggie, they need you.
00:38:00Yeah, but we...
00:38:00We'll find her.
00:38:03Help me.
00:38:04Help me.
00:38:07Let's talk about the real reason you're leaving.
00:38:09Let's talk about the real reason you're leaving.
00:38:12I'm leaving to build an intentional community with Whitney.
00:38:15That's kind of an extreme thing to do.
00:38:17It only seems extreme to you because you're not truly spiritual, please.
00:38:20I spent all of 2009 in an ashram in Croydon.
00:38:23No ad-libbing.
00:38:24What I do is, it looks to me...
00:38:27It looks to me like you're doing what you always do.
00:38:30Running away.
00:38:32Running away?
00:38:33I don't think it will help.
00:38:34And I don't think that will help.
00:38:36I think everything felt really hard.
00:38:38And you wanted to be someone else.
00:38:41You wanted a way to feel free and happy.
00:38:44And not constantly fighting anymore.
00:38:46I know what that's like.
00:38:48I get that.
00:38:48I really do.
00:38:49But you know what my mum always says?
00:38:52Wherever you go...
00:38:54Wherever you go...
00:38:55There you are.
00:38:59You didn't have to do the fucking accent.
00:39:01You didn't.
00:39:04Oh shit.
00:39:06Oh shit.
00:39:32Don't.
00:39:33Don't.
00:39:36Don't.
00:39:36Don't.
00:39:37I'm a fucking bartender.
00:39:40Don't.
00:39:42Don't.
00:39:43Don't.
00:39:45Don't.
00:39:46Don't.
00:39:47Don't.
00:39:48Don't.
00:39:48Don't.
00:39:49She's loose.
00:39:50Quick.
00:39:51Quick, somebody get eyes on Eddie.
00:39:52Eyes on Eddie.
00:39:54What is this?
00:39:56Eddie?
00:39:58Listen to us.
00:40:00Oh my god.
00:40:01Oh my god Eddie.
00:40:02These people locked me in a room.
00:40:03No we didn't.
00:40:04There was no lock.
00:40:05We made very sure of that.
00:40:06Yeah.
00:40:06We used lies instead.
00:40:08Eddie.
00:40:08We need to get out of here.
00:40:10Like now.
00:40:11Her dad is alive.
00:40:15Ronald Hodgkiss, 66.
00:40:17Happily married to Angela Hodgkiss.
00:40:18Also 66.
00:40:19Forever 40 years.
00:40:21That's a picture of him with Whitney or Catherine since that's her real name actually.
00:40:25At a family reunion a few months ago.
00:40:29He messaged earlier asking if you might need a lift from the airport tomorrow.
00:40:33Didn't they say they would try and discredit me like this?
00:40:35They are demons and they want to block your path to the light.
00:40:38And she is also a failed slime influencer.
00:40:41She's actually a serial influencer which is really sad.
00:40:44All my friends are influencers without even trying to be.
00:40:46She keeps making online personas to scam people, Eddie.
00:40:50She's been doing it for years.
00:40:52I can't believe we need to point this out.
00:40:54Look at her brand new teeth.
00:40:56They are insanely white.
00:40:58She looks like she's on Geordie Shore.
00:40:59She's not even a real healer.
00:41:00She's a liar.
00:41:02You should never trust her.
00:41:04Come on.
00:41:04Don't you see?
00:41:05She's a fool.
00:41:08You're being insane.
00:41:09Stop it, stop.
00:41:12Eddie, none of this was meant to hurt you.
00:41:14Maybe this wasn't the right way to go about it, but I knew you needed to be unbrainwashed.
00:41:20And maybe we should have got an expert and we didn't have much time.
00:41:23And please, Eddie, I'm sorry.
00:41:26I didn't mean to make you feel, but I'm trying to save you.
00:41:29I might be bad at it, but look, I'm trying.
00:41:36Is your dad alive?
00:41:38Depends what you mean by dad.
00:41:42I mean, is my birth father alive?
00:41:46Well, sure.
00:41:47So when you told me that you knew exactly how I felt,
00:41:51that you'd been on the same journey as me and you knew how to fix me,
00:41:55that was just marketing.
00:41:58No.
00:41:59Give Eddie her money back.
00:42:00You give it back and you leave and let her family take care of her.
00:42:04If you're referring to the investment Eddie willingly made into our intentional community,
00:42:09then those funds have already been used to buy land.
00:42:11The land we decided to buy together.
00:42:13We know there's no land, Whitney.
00:42:15It doesn't exist.
00:42:19You know, I actually help people.
00:42:24And you all find that so challenging that you have to try and discredit me and make up all these
00:42:29lies.
00:42:30Oh, we are the liars.
00:42:32And you are the one with a made up name.
00:42:35You know what?
00:42:35Why don't you go and shove a crystal dildo up your hole, Catherine?
00:42:39No.
00:42:39I've had to deal with this kind of prejudice ever since I began healing others.
00:42:46Much like...
00:42:47Much like Jesus Christ himself.
00:42:49Oh, come on!
00:42:51Much like Jesus Christ himself had to endure.
00:42:55And if requiring some financial compensation for the burden I carry with me every day for being a bearer of
00:43:04light is a bad thing to you?
00:43:06Well, that says everything about you people.
00:43:09And how little you value enlightenment.
00:43:13I mean...
00:43:15What do you offer each other?
00:43:20Loads.
00:43:25Because I...
00:43:26Can take you to the light.
00:43:37Let's go.
00:43:55Really?
00:43:58You're gonna believe these freaks over me?
00:44:01The person who saved you?
00:44:10You know, one day...
00:44:12I will ascend to the celestial heaven that's waiting for me.
00:44:16And I will look down on all of you from my throne of purity.
00:44:22With my childhood cat choo-choo by my side because I know...
00:44:25She's waiting for me.
00:44:30And I will watch y'all...
00:44:33Burn.
00:44:36Back here thing!
00:44:37You!
00:44:42Oh man.
00:44:48What...
00:44:50A day!
00:44:51What?
00:44:54Anya?
00:44:55Are you not pregnant?
00:44:57Not anymore.
00:44:59So where's the baby?
00:45:00At home.
00:45:03Saves...
00:45:04Saves so fast.
00:45:05And she jumped through a really high window.
00:45:08Do you know if she's ever been in Cirque du Soleil or something?
00:45:11Which...
00:45:12And say what?
00:45:14Hi, I'm a fucking idiot who gave all my money to a white girl who owns clip-in dreadlocks.
00:45:20They can't do anything! I gave her that money!
00:45:31Ryan?
00:45:33Was I in a tiny cult?
00:45:35A bit, yeah.
00:45:37It's alright, Eddie.
00:45:39We've all found ourselves in a pyramid scheme or two.
00:45:42And this...
00:45:43This was the only way to fucking tell me that!
00:45:53Let's talk.
00:45:55Just you and me.
00:45:58I don't wanna do that.
00:45:59Eddie, please, just...
00:46:02Just give me one night.
00:46:07I don't wanna be here.
00:46:08Well, we can leave.
00:46:10We can go somewhere else.
00:46:13Where?
00:46:28I was in your dream last night.
00:46:31I came to tell you everything.
00:46:36Everything takes so fast.
00:46:40It takes so strong.
00:46:46I love them and how I feel
00:46:52I hope you understand
00:46:55Sorry, were you closed for a private function?
00:46:57Well, tell the mom's staff.
00:46:58Look, my boyfriend sucks and I need to drink to forget he exists.
00:47:01That way when I next see him, it will be a nice surprise.
00:47:04We went to see The Hangover too and afterwards all I said was that men aren't as funny as they
00:47:07think they are and they kicked off.
00:47:08Why are men so wet?
00:47:10Why is it so fucking quiet in here?
00:47:13You're out of wake.
00:47:18Fuck.
00:47:19It's not even young or important, was it?
00:47:21Nah, just my dad.
00:47:24Oh my god.
00:47:25Oh, Eddie, I am so sorry for your loss.
00:47:27You know, your dad loved you so much.
00:47:29Thanks, Angie, babe.
00:47:30He was always so proud of you.
00:47:34Oh, would you like a...
00:47:35Double chucking coat, please, babes.
00:47:37I'll bring it over.
00:47:41I have crashed your funeral.
00:47:43I think it's called a wake if there's booze.
00:47:46You don't happen to have any kind of trap door.
00:47:48You could open beneath me or...
00:47:50This isn't going to work.
00:47:52A highlight to the real of our friendship isn't going to make everything okay.
00:47:54I know, I know what's more complicated than...
00:47:55The fact that the way we met is funny and adorable doesn't mean that we're supposed to be in each
00:47:58other's lives forever.
00:47:59I know, Eddie.
00:48:03Why don't you just sit?
00:48:09One sec.
00:48:24It's just a glass.
00:48:25It's not safe.
00:48:29Oh my god.
00:48:35Is that from when Ryan was in his...
00:48:36Woo!
00:48:42Starlight Express era.
00:48:43I'm going to stay with Jay.
00:48:44No, Eddie J's...
00:48:45Jay moved to Arizona to prepare for the apocalypse.
00:48:51Can I please borrow your phone?
00:48:53I need to Google free accommodation London.
00:48:54Well, that is a one-way ticket to sex trafficking, so I'm going to say no.
00:49:00You promised me one night...
00:49:02Youmeno siu.
00:49:16There.
00:49:18...
00:49:21...
00:49:27Do you have to close the money to the family?
00:49:27Hmm.
00:49:27Huh?
00:49:28Hmm.
00:49:29Hmm.
00:49:33Of all the old man pubs and all of mid-recession Dalston, I walked into yours.
00:49:38You realise my dad's wake might not be the hilarious memory that you think it is?
00:49:43Why wasn't the one laughing?
00:49:49So, what I'm going to do is quietly and respectfully tiptoe out of here and you never have to see
00:49:54me again.
00:49:54I don't think so. It would just look weird if you leave so quickly.
00:49:57Oh, come on.
00:49:57You need to work on your mourner persona.
00:49:58Are you a relative? Ooh, secret family.
00:50:03Maybe I could be like a young runaway your dad took in.
00:50:08God, sorry. It's really hard to work with the age difference.
00:50:11I haven't laughed in so long that my face actually hurts.
00:50:28I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
00:50:32Theodora.
00:50:33And it's over.
00:50:34Theodora, my glass has been empty for an hour. I wish you'd go round to do top-ups.
00:50:38I'm actually at my father's wake in more of a personal capacity, as much as I valued him as an
00:50:43employer.
00:50:43But you're welcome to do it. Or, Jay?
00:50:46No, your brother needs to get back to work before the US market's open and I need to be available
00:50:50for people.
00:50:51Indeed, I am the widow.
00:50:55You divorced him 15 years ago.
00:50:56Who's this?
00:50:59Maureen Johnson.
00:51:00Good friend of the deceased.
00:51:03Cam.
00:51:04Cam.
00:51:04The deceased was his golf nickname.
00:51:07Cameron played golf.
00:51:09Funny.
00:51:09He never mentioned an ex-wife.
00:51:11Not once in all our golf times.
00:51:17Brave to go after my mum.
00:51:19We've just met.
00:51:20Are you too close?
00:51:21Like sisters.
00:51:22Buffet emergency.
00:51:24Sorry, but we are headed straight for a sausage roll, drow Eddie.
00:51:28Now, I can go to the big Sainsbury's.
00:51:30No, it wasn't sausage rolls.
00:51:31No?
00:51:31No, Dad hated sausage rolls. He said they looked like flaky dicks.
00:51:34It was...
00:51:35We are headed straight for a scotch egg, drow Eddie.
00:51:37Now, I can go to the big Sainsbury's.
00:51:39Well, this is Maureen.
00:51:41Maggie.
00:51:42Donovan.
00:51:42What shall I tell you?
00:51:43This is Maggie.
00:51:44He's a funeral crusher.
00:51:46This is my best friend, Will.
00:51:47Ew!
00:51:48Your best friend is a man.
00:51:49Thank God, aren't you?
00:51:52You have to admit, though, it felt like we were destined to meet.
00:51:54Why?
00:51:55Because you made me laugh when I was sad.
00:51:57Whitney always said...
00:51:58Oh, come on.
00:51:58She always said, use fun as a tool to keep me captive.
00:52:00Well, that's insane.
00:52:01Her point was that you deflect with jokes to avoid the real shit.
00:52:05I don't avoid the real shit, Eddie. I can't.
00:52:08Just learnt that having a sense of humour about that kind of stuff is sort of crucial for survival.
00:52:13Sitting in the misery won't make the misery go away.
00:52:16I know I might not be your classic version of a support sister, but I do support you.
00:52:20Like when you first took over Wet Mouth.
00:52:23Is that a new nickname?
00:52:24It's gross.
00:52:25So you should rename the Pog.
00:52:28No one wants to get fucked up in the Red Lion.
00:52:32Lions are orange.
00:52:34I haven't decided yet.
00:52:35Like, I'd have to leave law school.
00:52:37Eddie, anyone can be a lawyer, but not everyone gets to run a cool bar.
00:52:39It's not cool.
00:52:40Yeah, but it could be.
00:52:41All you have to do is, like, get someone from Vice to DJ once a month and make sure the
00:52:45bathrooms are disgusting.
00:52:47What are you doing?
00:52:47Just come up here.
00:52:51You got any stiggies?
00:52:52Hmm.
00:53:05Make a wish, bitch.
00:53:09It's like you're campaigning to be the mayor of my life.
00:53:12None of this is relevant.
00:53:13Stop doing that.
00:53:15It's fucking pointless.
00:53:17Being your friend is hard fucking work, Maggie.
00:53:19You're just ignoring all the times.
00:53:21You...
00:53:22Hey, you okay?
00:53:24You look hungover.
00:53:25I'm fine.
00:53:25Thank you for saying I look like shit.
00:53:27Where's the weather going?
00:53:29Oh, sorry.
00:53:30It's me.
00:53:30I offered two glasses.
00:53:32You won't give me one.
00:53:33I had zero living family who could support me in any real way.
00:53:37I know.
00:53:37And then suddenly dropped on my lap.
00:53:39It was a massive responsibility.
00:53:41The barrel.
00:53:41You!
00:53:42Robert Downey Jr. Unconfirmed, but I see it.
00:53:45Carrie Fisher.
00:53:46Legend.
00:53:47Vincent Van Gogh.
00:53:48No way.
00:53:49Do not cut off your ear.
00:53:50I will try.
00:53:52Mel Gibson.
00:53:53They can't all be good.
00:53:55Kurt Cobain.
00:53:56I know you girls say having a disgusting toilet makes the bar cooler, but there's got to be limits to
00:54:00that, don't we think?
00:54:01Can you just leave out the ones who kill themselves?
00:54:03Yeah.
00:54:08Great.
00:54:09Sinead O'Connor.
00:54:10What about her?
00:54:11I'm finding cool celebrities with bipolar disorder to cheer Maggie up.
00:54:15Well, the first thing to do is find the best treatment, get you into a routine.
00:54:20I think moving in with me would do you a world of good in that respect.
00:54:23No way.
00:54:23Just while you're...
00:54:24Just while you're...
00:54:25But darling, I don't want you to be alone while you're...
00:54:29What if something...
00:54:35I can stay with her for a bit.
00:54:38Oh, look, it's fine.
00:54:39I'm...
00:54:39No, no, no, no.
00:54:39It'll be a nice change from upstairs.
00:54:42I've got so many rats now.
00:54:43I might need to build some sort of home for them.
00:54:45Oh.
00:54:49That cool?
00:54:51Yeah.
00:54:53Well, that's it.
00:54:59Do you have any jobs going?
00:55:01I can't do this anymore.
00:55:05Carl.
00:55:07The six months that Annie worked here were the drunkest of my life.
00:55:10Yeah, I know.
00:55:11I lived with you for most of them.
00:55:13Right.
00:55:16That must have been a lot for you.
00:55:17I get it.
00:55:19You don't get it, Maggie.
00:55:20How could you?
00:55:21I do.
00:55:21No, you don't.
00:55:22You have never had to be responsible for anyone else in your whole life.
00:55:27Where are you?
00:55:28The pissing!
00:55:47How's it looking in there?
00:55:50Something or someone has given birth in the sink, but other than that, I'm not the same.
00:55:55Look, I know you think this friendship has been about you looking after me, and I get
00:55:58that, but I look after you too.
00:56:01No, you don't.
00:56:02I do, Eddie.
00:56:03Just because my care looks different to yours.
00:56:05Name one time you've looked after me successfully.
00:56:07Other than today.
00:56:08Maggie.
00:56:09Fine.
00:56:13Exactly.
00:56:14Well, just give me a minute.
00:56:18Okay.
00:56:20How about that time you...
00:56:21They're honestly not that bad.
00:56:24Okay, go home.
00:56:25I'll run the bar.
00:56:25That's not what happened.
00:56:27They're honestly not that bad.
00:56:30Okay, go home.
00:56:31I'll run the bar.
00:56:32My point still stands.
00:56:33You're making it sound like a bigger deal than it was because you always change the narrative
00:56:37to suit you.
00:56:38No, I don't.
00:56:38You change so many details.
00:56:40Eddie.
00:56:43My memory is fucked from years of being on lithium.
00:56:47I'm sorry.
00:56:48It's not intentional.
00:56:49It's not malicious.
00:56:50I just...
00:56:51I can't remember every detail of every moment, and that makes me sad sometimes, but yeah.
00:56:55It can't be helped.
00:56:56Like...
00:56:58It's not on purpose.
00:57:02I'm sorry if it's too much.
00:57:05I'm sorry if I lent on you.
00:57:07I honestly didn't know I was doing it.
00:57:08I just didn't have the tools to...
00:57:11I didn't have any tools.
00:57:13It's like I was trying to fix an engine with my bare hands and no YouTube.
00:57:18I'm sorry.
00:57:18You had to be like the...
00:57:20Farmer Hoggett to my babe.
00:57:38That's my second Regina of the night.
00:57:40It's party shacks.
00:57:52Sometimes I think it was more like the babe leading the babe.
00:58:21It's all over the day.
00:58:27Okay, maybe my shitty memory only remembers the good things, but the night you will miss, when we...
00:58:38This is definitely the best shag I've ever had, including women, which is very unusual.
00:58:45Congratulations, Owen.
00:58:46It's all about the knuckles.
00:58:47The knuckles!
00:58:49Not the knuckles.
00:58:50It would be classic Anya to like that, though.
00:58:53You made a cute speech.
00:58:55Did I?
00:58:55I don't remember.
00:58:56Oh, come on.
00:58:57No, I don't.
00:58:58I told you I'm basically Dory from Finding Nemo if she also had a mood disorder.
00:59:03You said something like...
00:59:05Hear ye, hear ye.
00:59:07I have known Miss Theodora Rushton for six years now, and in that time she has made my life infinitely
00:59:14better.
00:59:15Oh, this is a serious one.
00:59:16On top of that, she has single-handedly turned Wet Mouth into the three-time motherfucking Halloween all night for
00:59:25the year!
00:59:30Eddie, I have seen you deal with every set bath, every angry drunk man, every pile of puke in the
00:59:37bathroom like it's nothing, but I know, we know, it's not nothing, it's amazing.
00:59:44Eddie, you are the coolest, strongest, smartest person I know, and I really fucking love you.
00:59:53No, I can't.
00:59:54No, you have to feel feelings.
00:59:55No, I don't.
00:59:55Tickle her until she feels feelings.
00:59:58Massive feelings, baby.
01:00:01That was gorgeous, babe.
01:00:03Oh, nice!
01:00:05Sorry, I don't want to be rude, but who are you?
01:00:07I'm nice.
01:00:09I just sat at the table next to you at the walls and brought you guys to see more fun.
01:00:16Ryan in the house!
01:00:18Ryan in the house!
01:00:20Yeah!
01:00:23I can't believe that's how we met him, and now that bitch is literally the executor of my will.
01:00:28I know.
01:00:29Could have been a kid or a furry for all we knew.
01:00:34That's not a great example, by the way.
01:00:36What?
01:00:37Of you being an amazing friend.
01:00:38It doesn't really support your argument.
01:00:40My argument?
01:00:40Yeah, because that night ended when you-
01:00:42Is he on any medication?
01:00:43Do we know?
01:00:44Hello?
01:00:45Medication?
01:00:47Yeah, yeah.
01:00:48We're not on drugs!
01:00:50It was only meds.
01:00:52I wasn't supposed to drink on them, but-
01:00:54But you did.
01:00:55And I don't get to be angry about that, because it's like,
01:00:57Oh!
01:00:58Maggie has bipolar.
01:00:59She can't help it.
01:01:00It's not her fault.
01:01:00So then I have to bury my feelings.
01:01:02I never asked you to bury-
01:01:03That night was supposed to be about Dad.
01:01:05So he could see that everything was okay.
01:01:09I didn't know that.
01:01:11Because it's stupid.
01:01:13Can't see anything.
01:01:15He's dead.
01:01:19Your feelings aren't stupid, Eddie.
01:01:22It matters to me if I've hurt you.
01:01:25There's always a reason you can't show up for me, Maggie.
01:01:29If you're referring to what happened last year-
01:01:43If you're talking about what happened last year-
01:01:47I had lithium poisoning.
01:01:50I had too much lithium in my blood because my doctor prescribed the wrong amount.
01:01:55And that's the truth.
01:01:58I was trying really hard to get better when that happened.
01:02:01I still am.
01:02:03It's a lot of work, it's every day, but I am so much better now.
01:02:09You don't seem better.
01:02:10Sorry, Eddie, but you don't know that.
01:02:12You haven't been here, and when you've been here, you've been-
01:02:15brainwashed by a coin artist.
01:02:19Yeah.
01:02:22You must feel...
01:02:25I can't think of a better word than insane.
01:02:31You know what that's like?
01:02:33When your reality turns out not to be real.
01:02:37It happened to me.
01:02:39It follows me every day, I try and forget it, and...
01:02:42I can't.
01:02:49Call an ambulance, for God's sake!
01:02:51Didn't you know she was out there?
01:02:53God, I-
01:02:53I'm sorry.
01:02:54Did you...
01:02:55You'd be alright.
01:02:57You'd be alright now.
01:02:58Jillian wasn't there.
01:03:00Yes, she was.
01:03:01I called her.
01:03:02No, you didn't.
01:03:05Okay.
01:03:07Let's go.
01:03:08Here, let's go.
01:03:10Okay.
01:03:12Take it.
01:03:12Okay.
01:03:15Here you go.
01:03:17Okay.
01:03:22Hi, Jillian, it's Will.
01:03:25Um, can you meet me at Wilmington Hospital?
01:03:28He's never said anything.
01:03:38How do you know that?
01:03:41How do you know what happened?
01:03:44He called me from the hospital, while I was at the airport.
01:03:47Oh.
01:03:50So you knew before you even left?
01:03:53You knew I'd been poisoned and you didn't even drop me a DM.
01:03:56It's-
01:03:56Is that how much you hate me?
01:03:59I missed your abortion because I was poisoned,
01:04:02but you abandoned me because you wanted to go on holiday.
01:04:05That's not it.
01:04:05Yeah, it kind of seems like it is.
01:04:07I had to go, Maggie, I had to.
01:04:09Why?
01:04:10So you could go and smoke weed with mind-control family?
01:04:12No, because I was fucked.
01:04:14I was so fucked and I just lost everything,
01:04:17and I didn't know how to cope with that.
01:04:18And I couldn't stay here and sit in the mess of it
01:04:20because I'm fucking weak.
01:04:24I'm so weak that instead of dealing with my shit,
01:04:26I found someone who told me they could make it better
01:04:28and I let them tell me what to think.
01:04:30I mean what the fuck?
01:04:33I know I'm not soft,
01:04:35and I know I don't seem like someone to be gentle with,
01:04:38but I am.
01:04:40My sad looks very different to your sad,
01:04:43but it's still very real,
01:04:44and it still fucking hurts.
01:04:51I'm a mess,
01:04:53and a fraud,
01:04:54and a loser.
01:04:57You don't want me, Maggie.
01:04:58I can't help you.
01:05:08So,
01:05:10thank you so much for having me.
01:05:11Oh, you're more than welcome.
01:05:13Theodora, can you fetch the microphone?
01:05:16I think now's the time for my amazing grace.
01:05:19Oh, damn, I'm sad to miss that.
01:05:23You know,
01:05:24I thought this was going to be the worst day of my life.
01:05:28And it wasn't.
01:05:31And I think that might be because of you,
01:05:33you know,
01:05:34distracting me with how insanely inappropriate you are.
01:05:43Any time.
01:05:49All I wish is falling away.
01:05:54I'm so sorry.
01:05:58I'm so sorry, Maggie.
01:06:00You know what?
01:06:10You know what?
01:06:16Who are you?
01:06:23I'm so sorry, Maggie.
01:06:25So about the baby?
01:06:28Two pigs are better than one, anybody.
01:06:39Get behind the bar.
01:06:43I'm not really in the mood to make cocktails.
01:06:45Come on, just trust me, come on.
01:06:48Okay.
01:07:10Hi, could I get a drink?
01:07:13I'm on the run from a screening of The Hangover 2,
01:07:15which I inexplicably attended with the ex who told me to go on the Dukan diet.
01:07:19Hey, this doesn't happen to be your dad's wake, does it?
01:07:28It is, yeah, but please don't let that stop you hanging out here for hours.
01:07:37So what, we're just going to start again?
01:07:40No, I mean, we can't.
01:07:44It's done as done, like, I'm a nightmare.
01:07:48You're a nightmare.
01:07:50There's no cure for that.
01:07:53But,
01:07:56we can't decide that we love each other,
01:08:00that we need each other,
01:08:02and move on.
01:08:05Together.
01:08:09Can I move in with you?
01:08:11Of course.
01:08:14And everything will be all right?
01:08:19You're all I have now, Mikey.
01:08:43You're all I have now, Mikey.
01:08:50If I had words to make a day for you,
01:09:03I'd send you a morning,
01:09:08I got you.
01:09:09Know that I'm new.
01:09:15I would make this day last for all time.