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00:08The
00:09camera
00:10is
00:10the
00:10the
00:10camera
00:29is
00:57Robin breakfast come on
01:00I'm cooking for you for a change.
01:03Come on!
01:05Well, glad you worked, girl.
01:07I was having a terrible dream.
01:08Oh?
01:09Yeah.
01:09All the Miss World contestants were all lined up and they were all stark naked.
01:13Well, it doesn't sound too terrible.
01:14It was.
01:15I was Miss Botswana.
01:17Yeah, my watch is still asleep.
01:18No, it's right.
01:19It's nine o'clock.
01:20Oh, Mr Sunbeam is chuckling through the window, telling us it's time to polish up a bright
01:23new day.
01:24Oh, you've been listening to Terry Wogan again, haven't you?
01:26I'll go back to my dream.
01:28Miss Poland, she looked a bit butch to me.
01:31Might stand a chance with her.
01:33Will you speak as Miss Botswana?
01:35Of course.
01:35What about my father?
01:37Let him sort out his own fantasies.
01:38No, he'll be picking you up soon.
01:40You don't want him to find you with a face full of fried egg.
01:42Oh, I have no one.
01:42No, but you will have if you don't eat it while it's still hot.
01:44Oh, sorry, please.
01:46Oh, sugar.
01:47Yes, you've called, sweetie pie.
01:49I haven't got any.
01:50Oh, I'll go and get some.
01:51There's some down in the restaurant.
01:52I will chuckle my way down Mr. Staircase while fighting the flab.
02:06We're closed.
02:08We're clo-
02:10Hang on a minute.
02:14Good morning, sir.
02:15I see you're advertising for a washer-upper.
02:19Well, here I am, sir, Albert Riggie.
02:28I think I'd possibly see a snag.
02:31What would that be, sir?
02:32Well, now, how can I put this?
02:35See, the fellow I had in mind would have to help out generally lend a hand.
02:43Oh, I could do that, sir.
02:44Yes, you could, you could.
02:46But, er, one, er, one...
02:49Eh, one what, sir?
02:51Er, one, one would have to consider that you may not be possibly ideal for the job.
02:56I know what it is, but you're too much of a gentleman to mention it.
03:00It's me prison record.
03:04Give a recidivist a chance, sir.
03:06I've been going straight ever since I came out.
03:09The day before yesterday.
03:10Yes, well...
03:10Rescue a piece of human flotsam, sir.
03:13Er, yes, well, erm...
03:22Here we are.
03:24There is no need for an advance, sir, but I appreciate your trust.
03:28Advance?
03:29I'll be here first, ain't you nice?
03:31Rely on me.
03:31No, no, no, wait a minute, wait a minute.
03:34Oi!
03:35That was not an advance.
03:37I should hope not at this time of the morning.
03:40Aren't you ready yet?
03:41What for?
03:42The wine tasting is at ten o'clock.
03:44I suggest you get a move on.
03:45Oh, right.
03:50Sounds a bit flash going to a wine tasting.
03:53Well, it's not all that flash.
03:54They're New Zealand wines.
03:56They're quite drinkable, but for a slight aftertaste of lamb.
04:01Yes, sir, what part of France are these wines from?
04:03Ah, yes, yes.
04:04I was just saying to Victoria, there'll be some Bordeaux type and some Burgundy type.
04:10Type?
04:10Oh, yes, yes.
04:11Are you familiar with Chateau Kiwi?
04:13God.
04:14Come on, go ahead.
04:14Now, look, you've got to have a reasonably priced carafe.
04:17I mean, I drink New Zealand wine myself.
04:19Have you got shares in it?
04:20Well, of course.
04:21You don't think I'd drink the stuff if I...
04:23It's very good.
04:25And it's a lot cheaper if you ship it by the tanker load.
04:28Dear God.
04:29Well, at least taste it.
04:31I admit, it is a bit sharp,
04:33but there's nothing wrong with it that can't be cured by laying it down for a while.
04:36Which reminds me, your mother phoned.
04:38Oh, from Portland?
04:39No, no, no, no.
04:41She's in London.
04:42She's staying at the Middleton Hotel for a few days.
04:44She wants you to give her a ring.
04:45Oh, marvellous.
04:46Did she bring her friend with her?
04:49Pedro?
04:49No, no, no.
04:51Not in the middle of the sardine season.
04:59Hello?
05:00Hang on a minute.
05:01This may make you a bit dizzy.
05:05Hello?
05:07Hello, Mum.
05:08It's me.
05:08Hello, darling.
05:10Don't call me Mum.
05:11It's so ageing.
05:12How are you?
05:14I'm fine, thanks.
05:14How are you?
05:15Fine.
05:17Well, that's dealt with the last two years.
05:19Your father tells me you're not living at home any more.
05:22Er, no.
05:23Well, I am over 21.
05:25Don't rub it in.
05:27Good heavens, is that the time?
05:29Yes.
05:31Look, darling, it's all rushed this morning.
05:33I've got to get to Harrods before the Arabs buy it.
05:38When can we get together?
05:39Er, well, I'm free about 12.
05:41Oh, good.
05:41I'll have the headrestre here, but come on over.
05:44Okay, lovely.
05:44Do you want to speak to Daddy?
05:45He's here.
05:46I have no wish to speak to that decrepit old mongoose again.
05:51She sends her love.
05:55Sarcastic cow.
05:58He sends his love, too.
05:59Hmm.
06:01Well, it's you about 12, then, darling.
06:03Room 204.
06:04Look forward to it.
06:04We'll have a lovely night of them.
06:06Bye.
06:06Okay, bye.
06:07Oh, Mum, do you mind...
06:08Hello?
06:11Well, my mother's in town.
06:12I'd like you to meet her.
06:14Do you think she'd mind if I took him along?
06:16No, she might.
06:16She hasn't heard about him.
06:17Wait, you didn't tell her?
06:19Well, what was I supposed to say?
06:20Hello, Marion.
06:21I've allowed your only daughter to shack up with this young scruff.
06:24How's the weather you're in?
06:26I heard that remark.
06:27Oh, how distressing.
06:28We've got nothing to be embarrassed about.
06:30We love each other.
06:31Right.
06:32Well, why don't you get married, then?
06:34Well, why don't we get married?
06:36You keep out of this.
06:38Love does not last.
06:40Marriage does.
06:42No, we're going to be late.
06:44You realise?
06:44All right, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready.
06:45Listen, it's room 204 Middleton Hotel.
06:47I'll see you there at 12.
06:48Yeah, Vic, actually, you know,
06:49I don't think I really want to meet your mother.
06:50Not if she's anything like your father.
06:52I heard that, Ramal.
06:54How distressing.
06:55I mean, you see, I mean, I've got the fire inspector to meet.
06:57He's going to be here this morning.
06:58Well, he'll be there this morning and I can manage him.
07:00I'll see you there at 12 o'clock, okay?
07:03Really looking forward to this.
07:18Starbrat.
07:38What's Vicky's mother really like?
07:42Marion.
07:43She's a hard woman.
07:44She'd have to be to hold you to a draw.
07:47She can chatter a plate glass window with a lift of her eyebrow.
07:52Hmm.
07:57Bites the back of your tongue.
07:59Fushy.
08:03Damn good body, though.
08:05The wine.
08:08Try some.
08:10It's practically second cousin to Chablis.
08:14The grapes were grown in Wellington.
08:17Oh, it tastes like it.
08:21Oh, it tastes like it.
08:22Let's go and try the red.
08:23That's right.
08:30Listen, do you think she'll sort of, you know, disapprove of me and Vicky?
08:33No, it's bound to.
08:34Oh.
08:35Yeah.
08:36She's got a very nasty habit of hitting you over the bridge of the nose with a cigarette case.
08:39Watch out there.
08:39Yes, I will.
08:44There is a rumour that Sir Edmund Hillary left a case of this on top of Mount Everest.
08:49Well, if it tastes like the white wine, I don't blame him.
08:57Sharp.
08:57Look, I think it's a bit fruity.
08:59No, no, no.
09:00Edge of a cigarette case.
09:02Very nasty.
09:06Yes, two extinguishers.
09:08Very good.
09:09They are in working order, I trust.
09:11Well, it's hard to tell until you use them.
09:13A bit like parachutes, aren't they?
09:15Parachutes?
09:16Yes.
09:17You don't know if they'll put out a fire until you use them.
09:19Oh, well, I wouldn't, um, no, I wouldn't advise putting out a fire with a parachute.
09:24Oh, dear me, no, no, no.
09:25No, that's one of the first things we learn.
09:27Quite.
09:28Yes, quite.
09:29Um, you're a sprinkler system.
09:32Is, uh, is that in working order?
09:34Well, I think so.
09:35It was put in when the place was a paint store, which was before it was a surgical supplier's,
09:39which was before it was a Chinese takeaway, which was before it was a bistro.
09:43I can't write all that down.
09:45I've only got one little box for yes or no.
09:47Oh, uh, well, we could set fire to a couple of tables and find out.
09:50Oh, but surely that's a bit drastic, Mrs. Tripp.
09:52I mean, well, I can see that you're...
09:54I'm not Mrs. Tripp.
09:55No.
09:55Oh, well, I thought you lived in the flat upstairs with Mr. Tripp.
09:58I do, but we're not married.
09:59Oh, well...
10:03Oh, dear.
10:04Yes, yes, well, I'll just have to alter this, won't I?
10:07Yes, I'll put you down as his, um...
10:09Yes, as his, um...
10:12Oh, is there an emergency exit?
10:13Uh, I'm not dangerous.
10:15No, no, for the customers.
10:17Yes, over there.
10:18Um, is this going to take long?
10:20I've got an appointment at 12.
10:21Well, I'm afraid it will take a little while, Mrs. Tri...
10:24Mr. Tri...
10:25Yes, yes, quite a little while.
10:35Yes?
10:36Ah, Mrs. Nicholls?
10:37Yes.
10:37Uh, good afternoon, I'm Robin.
10:39Oh, yes, do come in.
10:40Oh, thank you.
10:40I, um, I didn't have time to wash my hair, but you can do it for me, can't you?
10:45If you like.
10:47Promise me you won't go mad with the scissors.
10:49No, I wouldn't dream of it.
10:50Good.
10:51Would you like to unpack your things?
10:52Uh, well, not really, it's pretty boring stuff.
10:54Cigarettes, hanky.
10:56You are the hairdresser?
10:57No, no, checkbook, wallet.
10:59Then, uh, what are you doing here?
11:04Um, I'll go.
11:05Uh, just a moment.
11:07Who did you say you were?
11:08Robin.
11:09Robin who?
11:10Hood?
11:11Day?
11:11Bread breast?
11:12Trip.
11:13I don't know a Robin trip.
11:15Exactly, that's me.
11:15See, I'm the one you don't know.
11:16So I'll be off, and I'll wait for Vicky in the foyer.
11:18Vicky?
11:19Wait.
11:21Hello?
11:22Hello, Mum, it's me.
11:24Hello, darling.
11:25I thought you'd have been here by now.
11:27Oh, look, I don't think I can make it.
11:29Ah, never mind.
11:32Yes.
11:34Yes.
11:36Yes, I see.
11:37Yes, I am free this evening.
11:40Hmm?
11:41Oh, well, he could be here already.
11:44Is he, uh, dark, slim?
11:47Rather sexy in a rough diamond sort of way?
11:50What's that, he?
11:53His friend of yours, is he?
11:55Well, he's a bit more than just a friend, actually.
11:58Um, how can I put it?
12:03I see.
12:04And how long has that been going on?
12:08Oh, I'll be off now, if you wish to be.
12:10Well, of course I'm upset.
12:12What did you expect?
12:13Very nice of you.
12:14I'm sorry I didn't have time to wash your hair, sorry.
12:17Mrs Nicholls?
12:18Huh?
12:18What?
12:18No, no, it's her.
12:22No, I don't want to say any more now.
12:25Not you.
12:26We'll discuss it tonight.
12:27Goodbye, dear.
12:30So, you are living with my daughter.
12:33No!
12:34No!
12:36No!
12:37No!
12:39No!
12:54No!
13:03you mean you actually ran for it of course i didn't i simply left in a quiet and dignity
13:07yes i did run for it well i thought you were going to be there i got held up by
13:11rob wilton
13:12who you really should have two buckets with water and sand in them well not in the same
13:17bucket of course no no no that would make mud ah this is mr tripp hello mr wilson
13:24yes um i was just saying to your good lady wife oh to your um oh dear well i've embarrassed
13:32you
13:33now i can see that no not at all but i must do i mean what with you living in
13:37sin and the well
13:38no no no no it's more it's more it's more it's it it will it's your affair isn't it yes
13:45yes and when
13:46i say affair i i i don't really mean the oh dear oh please don't be embarrassed no thank you
13:52very
13:52much as i do blush readily my wife always says so and she is my wife no hanky-panky
13:59no no well uh that all seems to be in order from the fire point of view
14:07i uh i'm assuming that your sprinkler is working
14:14yes now then i haven't put anything here down about the um yes well you see there isn't the
14:20box for it no no in any way when you two together when you will well i mean it doesn't
14:25constitute a
14:26fire hazard not within the meaning of the act oh dear and when i say the act i don't mean
14:32oh dear yes yes well thank you very much goodbye
14:37oh dear oh dear he was more in a worse than i was when i met your mother she's coming
14:41around
14:41for dinner tonight she's what and this time you're not running for it oh wait a minute wait a minute
14:45what about the bistro i know we don't have a lot of customers in monday night so tonight we get
14:49at least two two yes i've invited my father as well i mean why both of them you said yourself
14:56neither understand each other neither of them like me so at last they have something in common
15:01anyway you all think the world of me i don't i've gone right off you i mean you said for
15:06yourself
15:06they don't even speak to each other they don't well it's gonna be a great evening all sign language
15:09oh they're the only family i've got and i haven't seen them both together for two years well i'm not
15:15surprised she bought boiling soup over in last time that won't happen tonight no it won't because
15:18they're gonna have avocado pair well and that's another thing hide all the cigarette cases
15:30oh good evening sir it's bitter cold and the heating is off in the library i wonder if i could
15:37come in a bit early yes well i wouldn't be looking for any uh luxuries like a cup of tea
15:42or anything
15:44yes well i suppose so bless you sir oh i wouldn't leave a clothesline out on a night like this
15:51now listen sir that pound i gave you that was not an advance you see that was a handout you
15:56see a
15:58gift i don't accept charity from anybody sir hey can we get that straight at the beginning of our
16:04relationship otherwise there will be no relationship for it to be at the beginning of you see we're not
16:09opening this evening the sign says open well it says closed on the other side yeah but we're on this
16:17side if i could just wash up for the one night i may be in tatter sir but my pride
16:23is straight out of
16:24burton's window yes well i suppose so here we are there's quite a lot left from last night
16:31leave it to me sir right now you'll need these
16:42what did you say your name was a riddle sir albert riddle and what were you written for oh six
16:47months
16:47sir well it's nice to know these things i'll leave you to it
16:56who are you talking to uh well a fellow a dishwasher i've hired him to uh wash dishes
17:01oh great ah i'll go and say hello
17:05hello hello and i'm riddle albert riddle i need to help with the washing up
17:11great
17:16dishwasher yes but he's only got one i did notice that how can you wash dishes with one i know
17:21that
17:21you know that just convince him that why did you employ him i just sort of said he could have
17:29the job
17:29you know i mean come on it's only for one evening yes oh sorry we're we're close to see we've
17:36got some
17:37guests around but we've booked it's our wedding anniversary ah well congratulations well you better
17:42come in uh you'd like to sit over here there we are now uh could i recommend the pla du
17:52jour
17:54always assuming that we have a pla left
18:00me mother was very good at stews
18:02uh one stew really she'd keep it bubbling for years yeah top it up from time to time yeah toss
18:10in a
18:10rabbit snare and all this is not a stew it's birth bourguignon sometimes she'd chuck in an onion in january
18:18and you wouldn't see it surface till march how ethnic robin my mother's here can you come and say
18:25hello i should really keep an eye i do that oh okay hey should i throw in a few bits
18:30and pieces no no
18:30no no no no just just just just just just watch it thank you thank you so daddy lent us
18:37the money to
18:37open it he's got 50 interest in it power for the course that's all i ever got from him 50
18:43of his
18:43interest ah good evening mrs nichols i'm oh well you know who i am indeed i do sit down yes
18:50if i must
18:51um i i i i i thought we we would um we would have dinner down here but it's a
18:56better kitchen
18:57and uh the customers you know it's it's better it's better all around are you frightened of me
19:02good no lord lord knows oh by the way dad is coming too is he really are we having soup
19:10no no
19:10no we're having no soup we are going to have a nice peaceful evening aren't we hello darling you
19:15didn't tell me the stainless steel woman was coming do sit down james assuming you can still bend at the
19:23knees excuse me could we have the menu please oh yes of course you know robert this is the first
19:33time
19:33i've had victoria's father within range for two years oh good there's no soup good
19:40you're looking very very distinguished james new suit new tie and i do like your teeth
19:51yes i rather like your scent marion just a subtle hint of um sardines
19:56is it i'll get on with the meal i'll let you two to to chat
20:02i i kept an eye on it just hasn't moved fine fine this is wedding anniversary want creme caramel
20:09i'll uh i'll take in the avocados while i'm here can i be of assistance many hands make light work
20:18no it's all right i can manage you could hand me that bottle please the red wine
20:21uh ah yes thank you it's um it's probably evaporated sir dehes of the kitchen
20:34all i'm saying is if you must live with a man why couldn't you pick someone with money
20:38here we are then everybody hungry i can understand the attractions well
20:43a bit of rough yes no but what are his prospects first luke in your i hope everybody likes it
20:50i love
20:51him and she loves him thank you well for once i find myself in agreement with you i've said to
21:02her
21:02i've said victoria you can do better than him and i've said uh no no not me thank you very
21:09much
21:14if you had a haircut it'd be something well i blame you you let victoria leave home straight
21:23into the arms of this young green beans just a few you're throwing yourself away i don't see it like
21:29that no neither do i in fact i'd like to say here and i think i would like some green
21:33beans
21:33sweet you what a bean what about your ulcer what's it ever done for me serve them i'm sorry victoria
21:40i just can't approve of your living with a young man what about you and pedro the fisherman eh
21:47we're missing kojak never mind kojak here have another coffee
21:52you know perfectly well he is not a fisherman he owns several canning factories fisherman factory
21:58worker uh what's the difference can we change the subject certainly why don't you two get married
22:04because we don't want to end up like you two i'll get the desserts i don't want 50 of his
22:09interest
22:10i think this is where we came in yeah can i pay my bell please miss oh yes of course
22:18right here we are then sorry about that crepe susette i hope everybody likes it why not make a nice
22:24change from sardine crumble i hope you enjoyed your meal oh yes better than the pictures may there be a
22:32happy ending see the whole secret and the whole art of this is to put in lots and lots of
22:40brandy
22:40well that makes a perfect ending to a meal right
22:53it's raining sir in the kitchen it's raining yes i know it's raining i know it's raining
22:59but can you give me some cheese
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