Please Sir! S02 E13. Dress Circle.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 13th December 1969.  Sir fools the class into deciding to go see a production of Romeo and Juliet.  John Alderton - Bernard Hedges Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell Richard Davies - Mr. Price Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith David Barry - Frankie Abbott Peter Cleall - Eric Duffy Peter Denyer - Dennis Dunstable Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock Malcolm McFee - Peter Craven Penny Spencer - Sharon Eversleigh Merlin Ward - Palmer George Georghiou - Pupil Kristin Hatfield - Pupil Gregory Scott - Mr. Wyatt

Transcript

00:00Come on, come on, come on!

00:30Come on, come on, come on!

01:00Come on, come on!

01:01Come on, come on!

01:02He's here!

01:03Oh!

01:04Oh!

01:05Oh!

01:06Oh!

01:07Oh!

01:08Oh!

01:09Oh!

01:10Oh!

01:11Oh!

01:12Oh!

01:13Oh!

01:14Oh!

01:15Oh!

01:16Oh!

01:17Oh!

01:18Oh!

01:19Oh!

01:20Oh!

01:21Oh!

01:22Oh!

01:23Oh!

01:24Oh!

01:25Oh!

01:26Oh!

01:27Oh!

01:28Oh!

01:29I know that.

01:30Oh!

01:31Oh!

01:32Sandra Parker!

01:33I still see her sometimes, Sha!

01:34Oh, yeah,

01:35still a little squib of a thing, is she?

01:36Yeah, naturally tiny person.

01:37All?

01:38Have I finished with Sandra Parker, have we?

01:41Yeah.

01:41Good, good.

01:42And before her was Colleen Simpson.

01:44Oh, another small-bound person.

01:46He was so tiny.

01:48But she didn't want Puffy.

01:50All right, Duffy.

01:52Yes, Palmer, what is it?

01:53Please, sir, Mr White, says, have you got the tickets for 5A?

01:56Please, sir, Mr White, says...

01:58All right, shut up!

02:02There we are, Palmer.

02:0335.

02:04Thank you very much, sir.

02:05Thank you very much, sir.

02:07I'd sit down, Gladys, would you?

02:10Right, now, but that boy should be punished.

02:11Yeah.

02:13How dare he display good manners in 5C's form room?

02:16Yeah, I'd stick his foot in a bath of acid if I had my way.

02:21What were some tickets you'd give him, sir?

02:23Nothing to concern this form.

02:25We've simply arranged for an outing for 5A, 5B and 5S, that's all.

02:30What about us, then?

02:31We've got beer or something.

02:33Oh, no, no, you wouldn't be interested, Duffy.

02:35This is a theatre visit.

02:37Oh, not air.

02:39No, no, not air, Sharon.

02:40Romeo and Juliet.

02:42Do you remember the play you regarded as a first-rate table tennis man?

02:45But you never even asked us, and we're your own form.

02:48Yeah.

02:48That's like flying in the face of your own family, that is.

02:51It's class discrimination, isn't it?

02:52All the knobs go to the theatre while the workly man gets the elbow.

02:56I'm sorry, I just naturally assumed you wouldn't want to go.

02:58Well, I'd assume it, then, because if the rest is going, we want to go.

03:01Right.

03:02Well, I'm not sure I can even get enough tickets.

03:05No, I mean, sort of, how many would you need?

03:0835, if Frankie's mum lets him stay up.

03:10She'd better, or I'll take my medicine down a sink.

03:15Just a minute, I've got a few tickets here.

03:17Right.

03:17How many, sir?

03:18Isn't that remarkable, 35?

03:20You wearing yours, Charlotte?

03:27Yeah, you're wearing yours.

03:28Yeah.

03:29Here, do you think we should?

03:30Well, they're good enough to wear to the theatre, they're good enough to wear to school.

03:36What are you taking your coat off for now?

03:38Well, Eric might be an OK brand.

03:41Oh, yeah, so might, sir.

03:50Oh, yeah, so might be an OK brand.

04:20Oh, yeah, so might be an OK brand.

04:26Oh, yeah, so might be an OK brand.

04:35Come on.

04:41Morning, girls.

04:42Hi, sir.

04:50good guy

04:53come on it's your go

04:56oh dear

04:58rotten Welsh bully

05:00oh that Maureen and Sharon they ought to be banned

05:03what for?

05:04for making me remember my youth when I used to chase

05:06Mavanoi Morgan around the back of the chapel after choir practice

05:09and you never caught her

05:11eh? rankles does it

05:13oh I did catch her frequently

05:14that's what's rankles

05:15and what was she wearing when I caught her?

05:17yards and yards of homespun sacking

05:20well what were it?

05:22Sharon and Maureen wearing then

05:24see through dresses

05:26oh hell

05:27Mr Hedges

05:29it's alright monsieur I've heard

05:31then not in a minute not when you find time

05:34but now you will send those two immodest young hussies home

05:36and they will return only when decently clad

05:39I'd like to take a good look at those dresses first monsieur

05:41no no no

05:44I might not think they're indecent

05:46I might just think that they're modern

05:48and with it

05:49well when you've thought that

05:50you will then think what I said

05:52and send them home

05:53eh monsieur aren't we being just a teeny weeny bit sexual?

05:58I'm not

05:58have you never read Leslie Wagstaff's book?

06:02female display today is not necessarily equatable with a mating urge

06:06then Leslie Wagstaff is a dirty old man

06:08Leslie Wagstaff is a woman

06:11handsome handsome

06:20now they should be the school uniform

06:22aren't they cold Maureen

06:24you ain't got no vest on

06:25girls don't wear vests

06:28my mum does

06:29what do you think Eric?

06:32very nice

06:33very dolly

06:33but I don't know

06:34you see women like the Duchess of Kent

06:36have opened my eyes recently

06:37you don't go out with her do you Harry?

06:39no dear

06:40I mean she's a good lookner like Char

06:42but her clothes are sophisticated

06:44see

06:44so they should be on the housekeeping money

06:46she gets off the Duke

06:47wouldn't they know what I think?

06:49no

06:49I like them dresses

06:51and now you're my woman more

06:53keep wearing them

06:53I am not your woman

06:56that's what you think darling

06:58Eric

07:01Potter's got the nose ache again

07:03I know Jean

07:06right on a count of three

07:08one

07:09two

07:09three

07:10nose

07:11nose

07:12you probably thought I was being nosy didn't you

07:17have a give you that idea Uncle Norman

07:19well I wasn't

07:20I was just looking at those dressages

07:22where's your bicycle?

07:25you can't go to the theatre in those you know

07:27they're not etiquetical

07:28what's it got to do with you?

07:30you're not coming

07:31listen

07:31when the headmaster hands out the tickets

07:33I shall be number one on his list

07:35we've already got ours

07:37have you?

07:38yeah

07:38oh

07:40yes well I know you've got yours yes

07:42it's a waste of time you go in anyway

07:44Shakespeare go right over your ring

07:46listen sonny boy

07:47nothing goes over this head

07:48your act does

07:49and the birds in the sky

07:52I was talking metaphysically

07:53I'm a great fan of culture you know

07:56oh my word yes

07:57I've got BBC too

08:00what was on last night then?

08:03I didn't say I watched it

08:04I said I've got it

08:06hello Mr. Edges

08:09well I'll see you at the theatre tonight then

08:11well you're not going as well are you?

08:12now listen

08:13when the headmaster hands out the adult tickets

08:15I shall be number one on his list

08:17I've already got mine

08:18well number two then

08:19oh you do have to split hairs don't you?

08:22right Sharon and Maureen

08:30I'd like you to stand up please

08:33all right right sit down

08:39now are those dresses

08:43I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to take them off

08:46I hope you know what you're doing

08:50I'm still a minor you know

08:52stop that you know what I'm talking about

08:55I want you to go home and change

08:57this came from old mother you did it?

08:59of course not

09:00but now I've seen them I think she's right

09:01never mind the point is that those dresses are too much for school

09:05not enough for school

09:07anyway go home and change

09:09right just Sharon and Maureen

09:12good isn't it

09:16you try and make yourself look nice

09:18but for the theatre

09:20and all you get is insults

09:22you going home more?

09:24I've nothing to stay for Peter

09:26hang on I'll come with you

09:28it wouldn't do you no harm

09:31to say how nice she looks

09:32would it?

09:34he'd better not

09:35Maureen

09:35now Maureen I don't wish to be unkind

09:41I think

09:42I think the dresses are very nice

09:45it's too late now

09:46come on Maureen

09:47and it wouldn't do you no harm

09:48to look in the mirror occasionally either

09:50women

09:55hey lads

09:56women

09:57what did she mean?

09:59she means you're scruffy like me

10:01scruffy?

10:04yeah

10:05Peter you know you're close

10:06give him a breakdown

10:07Mrs. Griff come on yes

10:09yes I'd be interested to hear your opinion

10:12come on

10:12shoes like gumbo

10:16socks the wrong colour

10:17baggy trousers

10:18shirt like a tent

10:19stains on your tie

10:20knot like a thimble

10:21prehistoric collar

10:21and a coat what makes you look like the hunts back of Notre Dame

10:24ah Miss Ewell a word if you please

10:32yes headmaster

10:34run along run along my girl

10:35this is man to man talk

10:37Doris

10:39I am the man who likes to drive the school coach

10:43oh headmaster there's still a lot of the little boy left in you

10:47no no no metaphor Doris

10:48metaphor I mean I am the headmaster

10:50I take the decisions

10:51not you

10:52but I sent those girls home

10:54because their dress is revealed

10:55well

10:56they're under things

10:58I beg your pardon?

11:00knickers

11:00headmaster

11:01Doris this is something much bigger than knickers

11:05then how have I usurped your authority?

11:09you watered my rubber plant without permission

11:11then I'm sorry

11:13they look dry

11:14that's their little way

11:15well I'm sure it won't happen again

11:17oh very well Doris

11:18very well

11:19reign of terror over

11:20come along

11:21let's kiss and be friends

11:22there you are

11:23kiss

11:24kiss

11:25oh

11:26Doris you left your board behind

11:29it's for room E

11:30oh

11:31hedges I'd be obliged if you would take this to room E

11:34and I hope you're going to wear something a little smarter than that

11:37when you go to the theatre

11:38oh look

11:44if you must demonstrate

11:45why don't you use a smaller placard?

11:46Christ

11:47I'd like to ask you a serious question

11:49oh all right

11:50what?

11:51what do you think of the way I dress?

11:53oh well I never thought of it before

11:54but you're as big a ragbag as the rest of us

11:56it's a teacher's uniform you see

11:58teacher's uniform

12:00that just about says it

12:01doesn't it?

12:02who are you talking to?

12:04look in the mirror

12:04they said

12:05and they're right

12:05you see

12:06they are the mirror

12:07that's the trouble

12:08I should be leading

12:09I shouldn't be criticising

12:10I should be leading

12:11oh dear

12:13give him another year

12:15he's been a straightjacket

12:16he's talking to himself already

12:18that's the first sign isn't it?

12:20I mean everybody knows that

12:21I'm so going to get to talk with me

12:36so far

12:37I can't think of him

12:38I can't think of him

12:40here I am

12:40you see

12:41I can't think of him

12:41I'm sorry

12:42Oh, my God.

13:12Take the top card. Take the top card.

13:18Right, that's your card. The eight of clubs.

13:21No.

13:22Eh? It is.

13:23It isn't.

13:24It was. It was the eight of clubs.

13:25It wasn't.

13:26Yeah, well, that just shows how much you know, doesn't it?

13:29Because they're all the eight of clubs.

13:30No.

13:31What you think is that interesting?

13:33What's the matter?

13:34It's, uh, he'd and half look lovely.

13:36You're in love with him again.

13:38You never did learn he aren't bearing a grudge, did you?

13:40Oh, he's gone and bought this new suit, love him.

13:43You mean we got through to him?

13:46Here, here he comes.

13:47Don't notice, don't notice.

13:49Hey, stop.

13:50Oh.

13:50Good afternoon, 5C.

14:03All right, how's it going, all right?

14:06Uh, sorry, sorry I'm a bit late.

14:09Uh, a bit of shopping to do.

14:10Oh, yeah? What's your boy?

14:13Uh, well, nothing, uh, nothing special.

14:15All right, get your books out, then.

14:21All right.

14:22Please, sir.

14:23Yes, Dennis.

14:23Do you want to swap your old jacket for a guinea pig?

14:27Um, old, old jacket, Dennis?

14:30Oh, what do you mean?

14:32Oh, right, we notice the whistle.

14:35I'm sure I couldn't care less whether you...

14:36Well, what do you think of it, eh?

14:38Absolutely top-hole, that is, too.

14:41Right, yeah, dead dapper.

14:42I think you look exquisite, sir.

14:44Exquisite.

14:45Well, I've got an Arab headdress indoors.

14:48Oh, don't he look exquisite, Shah?

14:51I'm sure I don't know.

14:52I don't notice people who send me home.

14:55Sharon, I did go for the taxi.

14:57Come on, then.

15:00Hold yourself properly.

15:03You know, I could see you physically in a suit like that.

15:06Right, right.

15:07Good.

15:10English this period, isn't it?

15:11Sir, if Miss Yule don't like it, she might send you home and all.

15:16Well, it's partly the reason why I'm wearing the suit, Dennis.

15:18You see, I wanted to show you the acceptable level of modernity in clothing,

15:22and I'd like you to think of that when...

15:24when you dress for the theatre this evening.

15:27LAUGHTER

15:28Well, just get your books out and carry on reading for the rest of the period, would you?

15:50Sent you home and all, was she?

15:52Yes.

15:52Yes, I know.

15:54Just carry on.

15:56Drop an old passion bag.

15:58Oh, we'll get all hurt now.

15:59That really tops it, that does, sending him home.

16:02Let's get our own back.

16:04Let's clog the labs up.

16:05I know what we'll wear in the theatre tonight.

16:07Let's see if they send us home.

16:09We've got your mind, Earl.

16:10I bet it's something good.

16:11Well, this mate of Montice,

16:12he's in the clothes of our business, isn't he?

16:23Oh, come on, Smilly.

16:24How does that last speech in the second act go now?

16:26Let's see, uh...

16:27Prior Lawrence says, uh...

16:29I mean, is he eating toffees at the time, or what?

16:32He says, Price,

16:34come, come with me, and we will make short work.

16:36Right, got it.

16:37Or by your leaves, you shall not...

16:38I don't want your bloody play, only a kill.

16:41Why?

16:42Well, when he says, come, come with me,

16:44that'll be my cue,

16:45to shoot up the buck and get in the bar first.

16:47Oh!

16:49I wish Madge were coming.

16:51Her hair looks particularly beautiful, my limelight.

16:55Limelight?

16:56Look, Henry Irving isn't playing Romeo, you know.

16:59Men are flown, the Kaiser is dead.

17:00I was only remembering, Price.

17:03Such elegant days.

17:05Ah, they still are, boy.

17:07Take tonight, now.

17:08We'll have a wimpy and chips before we get there.

17:10Get crushed to death on the tube grain.

17:12And sit through the performance with 300 grubby, screaming, bloody kids.

17:16Oh, yes!

17:18Oh, lads.

17:20Oh, big night tonight, eh?

17:22Oh, dear, another bloody throwback.

17:25Who's working the time machine around here?

17:28Well, I think you look very nice, Potter.

17:30Well, that's very kind of you to say so, Smudger.

17:33Smudger?

17:34Well, I mean, we're off duty now, aren't we, you know?

17:36We're all lads together.

17:37Yes, I see.

17:39Do you know when they're handing out the tickets?

17:41Oh, we've all got ours.

17:43Yes, well, that's all that.

17:44I mean, my ticket.

17:45Don't worry, Potter.

17:47I expect the headmaster's got it.

17:48Well, come along there, Smithy.

17:49They will call us a handsome cab.

17:51Oh, yes, yes, yes.

18:00Miss Duel is quite right, Hedges.

18:03We can't have teachers dressed like the Scarlet Pimpernel.

18:06Hello, sir.

18:06All present and great, sir.

18:08And why are you dressed so, so, so formally, Potter?

18:12Ah, because, say, when I go to the theatre, sir, you know,

18:13I like people to know that I bother.

18:16Can I have my ticket, Nelson?

18:17But we haven't got you a ticket, Potter.

18:20Oh, well, are you getting me in on the nut on the door, or what?

18:24Potter, you were never invited.

18:27There's loyalty for you.

18:29Yes, exactly. I mean, well, I'm me, aren't I?

18:33Yes, admin. This is an educational visit.

18:36Well, I've told all the lads at the drill hole that I'm going.

18:38Well, you can come to the Science Museum with us on Thursday, if you like.

18:42That's just a palliative, Norman.

18:44Yes, I won't be there. I'm not going to any Science Museum.

18:47Oh, really? You're beheading like children, both of you.

18:50Come along, Headmaster.

18:53And don't be late, Mr. Hedges.

18:55If I come.

18:57Be there.

19:01Oh, well, I don't know.

19:03Four hours my Ruby spent starting my dickie.

19:06Now for what?

19:08I spent a month's wages on that suit, and she sends me home like a kid.

19:11I liked it, yes?

19:12Yeah, I thought you looked very nice.

19:14Well, that's very nice of you to say that, Norman.

19:17Well, I think you look very nice.

19:20I say, Norman, you fancy a drink?

19:24What, here? In the staff room?

19:25No, Price has got some hydrochloric acid in the lab.

19:28Oh, no. Not drugs.

19:32No, no, this is vodka.

19:33Oh, can't be a minute, Norman.

19:35Good old, Bill.

19:38Treat me like a kid, wouldn't they?

19:39Yes, well, I shall hide their cups.

19:43I'll show them.

19:47Well, well, well, well.

19:49That's the end of that bottle, Byrne.

19:55Byrne, you know, I've always been very, very fond of you.

20:00You just find it difficult to display affection, I know that, Norman.

20:06You've got it, you see.

20:08You've got it, yes.

20:09Yes.

20:10I, I've never had a son, you know.

20:15Neither have I.

20:17That's both of us orphans, Norman.

20:19Yes.

20:20I've, I, I've never even washed, washed your car, you know.

20:25Well, never washed your bicycle, Norman.

20:28Oh, it's all squashed.

20:30My bike, it's all squashed, you know.

20:32Yes.

20:33Yes.

20:34I'm going to have to go and leave you, Norman, soon and go to the theatre.

20:37Oh, well, never mind.

20:38Sir, never mind.

20:39Tell you what we'll do now, you see.

20:40I'll tell you what.

20:41We'll go to the Science Museum together.

20:44See?

20:44Yes.

20:45Oh, sorry about that.

20:46Well, there's to the three of us, Norman.

20:48Me, you and the Science Museum.

20:50And the Science Museum.

20:52You've got some fire, sir.

20:59Well, this one must be the acid, then.

21:02Oh, yeah.

21:03No, Norman.

21:04Yes?

21:05That one is the, is the real acid.

21:08Oh, dear.

21:09Oh, Norman.

21:10Yeah?

21:11I've got a hole in my coat.

21:13I can't go to the theatre now.

21:15She's going to send me home again.

21:16Oh, look, Bran, don't worry.

21:18Look, listen, son, Bran, listen.

21:20Look, you will be there for the opening quarters.

21:23I promise you.

21:24Well.

21:25Norman?

21:26Mm-hmm.

21:26So will you.

21:27So will you, yes.

21:28So will be there.

21:30Be there.

21:43Hey, now, look here, Stuart.

21:44If I have so much of the squeak out of you tonight, I'll confiscate all your cigars.

21:48Go on.

21:51Hey, word, Bryce.

21:52One notices the changes in the theatre these days.

21:55What?

21:56Oh, I won't.

21:57I'm not surprised.

22:05Hey, sir, do you want a barb of nice box chocolates?

22:07No, thank you.

22:08I can't shave.

22:09Chief?

22:09How?

22:09What type?

22:10Two bob?

22:11Two bob, yes.

22:12Yes.

22:13Yes.

22:14Yes.

22:15Yes.

22:16Yes.

22:17Yes.

22:18Yes.

22:18A box of chocolates for madame.

22:20Oh, Morris.

22:22And thank you for buying me such a lovely supper.

22:25Oh, I must have one now.

22:29Oh.

22:31Good.

22:32For display purposes only.

22:35Have 5C arrived yet?

22:37Of course not.

22:38They're 5C, aren't they?

22:39Oh, no, no, no, Morris.

22:40In 5C we trust.

22:41You must trust in them.

22:42They'll turn up trumps at the end.

22:44Right, here they are.

22:45Very serious.

22:46Oh.

22:47Hello.

22:51Sir.

22:51Here it is, sir.

22:52Sir.

22:53Yes.

22:56Where is Mr. Hedges?

22:57Here.

22:57Right, come on Norman, come on

23:07If the worst comes to the worst

23:09We can always blag our way into the royal box

23:11Hello Bert

23:13Good evening

23:19Good scrappy man

23:49Good evening

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