- 17 hours ago
First broadcast 11th October 1969.
Mr Hedges organises a boxing match for the students after the local school inspector criticised the school for its lack of sports programs.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
David Barry - Frankie Abbott
Peter Cleall - Eric Duffy
Peter Denyer - Dennis Dunstable
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Malcolm McFee - Peter Craven
Penny Spencer - Sharon Eversleigh
Kristin Hatfield - Pupil in green
Gregory Scott - Mr. Wyatt
Mr Hedges organises a boxing match for the students after the local school inspector criticised the school for its lack of sports programs.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
David Barry - Frankie Abbott
Peter Cleall - Eric Duffy
Peter Denyer - Dennis Dunstable
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Malcolm McFee - Peter Craven
Penny Spencer - Sharon Eversleigh
Kristin Hatfield - Pupil in green
Gregory Scott - Mr. Wyatt
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00The New York Times
00:30Oh, come on.
00:59Nice. Yes, very pretty, that. Very pretty.
01:10What's the trouble, Potter?
01:11You, you fool. Get up. You've got me trapped. Get up, then.
01:15Sorry, mister. Here, let's have a look, then.
01:17You'll not lay a finger on that hand of mine.
01:20Look at that.
01:21Oh, that's me out of the firing line for the rest of the day.
01:25Hello, what's it?
01:26I'd better write the letter, then.
01:28What letter?
01:28Application for your disability pension.
01:30You listen to me. You get your knees browned, Sonny,
01:33before you talk to me about disabilities.
01:34I don't even claim, you know, for that bit of shrapnel
01:36that Jerry left in my lumber region.
01:39That's very brave of you, mister Potter.
01:40You've got to be careful you don't go near any magnets.
01:44What?
01:44Come here, you edges, you stupid...
01:46Wait a minute!
01:49Here.
01:50Are you, Yobbs, bringing that bottom rope or not?
01:53Yeah, come on, lads. Bring it in, will you?
01:54Well, I don't know what you're worrying about, you know.
01:56The match isn't till next week. What's all the fuss?
01:59I don't know. My maker of Peter Payne exorbitant school fees
02:02and all I'm learning is navigating.
02:04Make a change for you to learn anything, Craven.
02:06I thought this was a geography period.
02:08Yeah, it was.
02:09Until that inspector come and done his nut
02:11about how appalling that sporting activity
02:13or whatever, Cromwell.
02:14Mr Cromwell, and how do you know
02:16what the inspector said, Duffy?
02:18Thin walls, big ears.
02:20Can't him. That's what I'd do.
02:22You watch it, Duffy. You watch it.
02:24I've got the gloves on with you, you know,
02:26if it wasn't for this bad hand.
02:27You'd have a worse hand
02:28if you'd tried to hate anybody with this.
02:30Look at it.
02:32Plenty of years in those yet?
02:33Yeah, not as a boxing.
02:35Just a minute.
02:37What are these, mushrooms?
02:37Oh, no, those are my, uh, those are my daily tubers.
02:43I see.
02:47Well, I don't know, but I would say, Mr Potter,
02:50that that was misappropriation of school property.
02:53Ain't that?
02:53Definitely.
02:54What have you got there?
02:56That's not a report, is it?
02:57Let's just say I'm using red ink, Mr Potter.
03:00You've had it now, Potter.
03:01You'll get the cane off the headmaster.
03:04Yes, well, look, Mr Hades, I mean, about those gloves,
03:06they are in a disgusting state.
03:08Yes.
03:08So, do you know what I'm going to do?
03:10Grovel.
03:12Cheeky young beggar.
03:14No, I'll tell you what,
03:15I'm going to release from my reserve stock
03:18a dozen new pairs, are they?
03:20Ah, yes, well,
03:21you and I understand each other, don't we?
03:24Oh, yes, like Cain and Abel, Mr Potter.
03:26All right, knock it off you two.
03:29Now, look, where's Abbott?
03:30I don't know, sir.
03:31I'm sure.
03:31You might have suffocated me.
03:53Good idea.
03:53Get back in again.
03:56Double detention, Abbott.
03:57You won't do it full speed, will you?
03:59I'm just showing you, aren't I?
04:00Right, it's when you come out to shake hands, right?
04:03The foot goes over the foot, right?
04:05You pull him on to you,
04:06on the ref's blind side naturally,
04:08and then bang, off!
04:09Hammer him in the guts.
04:10Yeah.
04:11Think I've had one?
04:12Not from the Marquis of Queensbury, obviously.
04:14Look, Duffy,
04:15if you fancy a chance here so much,
04:17why don't you box for the school
04:18against Weaver Street next week?
04:19Got heavy weight, haven't we?
04:20Yeah, Fatty Marshall in 3B.
04:22Exactly.
04:22He's going to be fighting somebody
04:23at least three years older than himself.
04:25He only qualifies by density.
04:27That's his look-out.
04:28Anyway, we've been through this before,
04:30and I ain't interested.
04:31Not even for the school, Duffy.
04:32Especially not for the school.
04:34Hey, flaunting about the little vest
04:35with a sash on yourself is puffy, isn't it?
04:37No, no, dear.
04:38The art of boxing, Duffy,
04:40is a science.
04:41Look, look, I'll show you.
04:43Oi, oi.
04:43Bundle!
04:44Great!
04:45Now, what I want to do, Duffy,
04:47is to show you how to deal with, say,
04:49a right lead to the solar plexus.
04:51So, all watch this.
04:53Kill him, Eric, kill him!
04:56Oi, Duffy, a right lead to the solar plexus.
04:59Slowly...
04:59Ding, ding!
05:00That's the bell, that is.
05:02Good.
05:03OK, Duffy.
05:05Parrying the blow.
05:06See that?
05:09Parrying the blow.
05:11My little sister Maeve
05:12could have parried a blow at that speed.
05:14Oi, Duffy,
05:15we'll do it a little bit faster this time.
05:17Oi.
05:18Oi.
05:18Ah, did you see that?
05:24That was the counter.
05:26All right, Duffy.
05:27Full speed this time.
05:29Pum, pum, pum, pum.
05:30Oh, come on.
05:31Knock it off, will you, Chief?
05:32Well, come on.
05:33Do something about it, then, Duffy.
05:35I know.
05:36Do something about it.
05:45Children,
05:46you really should go in
05:48for the boxing, Duffy.
05:50Really quite good.
05:55It's a question of principle, Miss Ewell,
05:57on which I stand or fall.
05:58Well, I hope you're satisfied, Mr Smith.
06:00Oh, dear, I thought you two
06:01were having a row.
06:02Don't you worry, Price.
06:04I think I've made my point.
06:05You've made a fool of yourself.
06:07Why, what's he done?
06:08Challenge the headmaster to a duel?
06:09I have resigned my post
06:11as sports fast, Duffy.
06:12A post which some of us
06:13were not even aware you were filling.
06:15Really?
06:16All this grew, ha-ha.
06:18Simply because the headmaster
06:19passed on the inspector's criticisms.
06:21Oh, he passed on something else entirely.
06:23What our American cousins call the dime.
06:25Buck.
06:26Buck?
06:26Oh, well, I was only appointed to the post
06:30as a temporary measure.
06:32Just keep the pot boiling, he said.
06:35I'll be getting a Loughborough college man
06:37in a few days.
06:38And that was six years ago.
06:39That does not alter the fact
06:41that your idea of being sportsmaster ever since
06:43has been to induce a state
06:45of suspended animation in the children.
06:47Oh, come on, Doris.
06:49Cromwell can't expect Smithy
06:50to leap about like a neurotic grasshopper.
06:53He has enough trouble
06:53getting to school in the morning.
06:56And his manner I can only describe
06:57as childish in the extreme.
06:59How dare you?
07:01Someone as mature and level-headed
07:03as the headmaster
07:03is quite incapable of being childish.
07:05Good morning, Doris.
07:11Good morning, Miss Blakesley.
07:13Price, good morning, sir.
07:15Good morning, Wyatt.
07:17Come, sit down, headmaster.
07:19You look quite drained.
07:22And we all know where drains lead to.
07:25Hurt is the better word.
07:28And he just has to be seen to be hurt.
07:31Disloyalty is an ugly thing.
07:34You're not disloyal, are you, Hedges?
07:37Well, I try not to be, sir.
07:39Fix the ring.
07:39It's all right.
07:40How very, very moving.
07:43It's only a boxing ring, sir.
07:44But it's typical of your enthusiasm
07:46as our new temporary sportsmaster.
07:52No, no, I can't.
07:54I've got 5C.
07:55You've been lumbered, haven't you, boyo?
07:58That's easy.
07:58I've got the knack.
07:59Still, you will do your best, won't you?
08:01Well, if it's for the kids, yes.
08:04I mean, put in extra time and all that sort of thing.
08:06If necessary, yes, yes.
08:08You are bloody mad.
08:10No!
08:11No!
08:13Good Lord.
08:13I ain't fitter than that.
08:17No, no, get off.
08:19Look, I can't wear this.
08:20It's Maureen's mum's.
08:22She said you could have me, Dennis.
08:24Look, if these get filled up with water,
08:26I'll look like a girl.
08:28Yeah, we're going to cut the bus, Dolph, now.
08:30Stop squirming.
08:31You're leaving enough turnover for the waistband, Charlotte.
08:33Oh, I have.
08:35There.
08:35Oh, the people all know it's a girl's.
08:38No, they won't, then.
08:39A dead flash they look, mate.
08:40People reckon you've just been on holiday in a bit of hours.
08:42Will they?
08:43Well, it's better than having the fly hole of your pants sewn up
08:46like we've done before, Dennis.
08:48Don't worry.
08:49We'll finish it on the bus.
08:50Well, I reckon they're proffy.
08:52You would.
08:52There's something wrong with you.
08:54Ha!
08:54Nobody knows what's wrong with Frankie, Abbott.
08:57Too bloody true.
09:00All right, you water babies.
09:01Are you ready?
09:08You've got a diving bell in there as well, Abbott.
09:10I'm not a long-distance specialist, you know.
09:12I'm an underwater man, ain't I?
09:15Well, I reckon all these sudden compulsory games
09:17are infringement on personal liberties.
09:19All right, we'll ring up Jack Dash later on.
09:21I can't get my...
09:21And they're swimming.
09:22It's not something you should be forced to do.
09:24What's the matter now for you?
09:25You ain't frightened of getting your feet wet.
09:26Eric's not frightened of nothing.
09:28He can bash up anyone in the school or the flats.
09:30Yes, except that he won't do it for the school
09:32in the boxing next week.
09:34Well, I bet he can swim anyway.
09:36Oh, sure I can swim.
09:38Anyway, I don't see why we should hop about
09:39like performing fleas
09:40just because some big knob gives Oliver Cromwell a racket.
09:43Will you stop talking like the young Lennon
09:45and get down to the bars?
09:46And you're not wearing that.
09:55Oh, nude bathing, eh?
10:00I won't be afraid in the strong arms of my instructor.
10:03That's right.
10:04Miss Ewell is taking the girls.
10:05Well, I can swim anyway.
10:07Are we having the pleasure of your company, Abbott?
10:14And put your shoes on.
10:27Your toes are spreading.
10:28I want you to put your hands on the bar
10:54and kick with your feet like we did last week.
10:57Kick hard.
10:58That's right.
11:02Good.
11:03Now, I want you to do this, John, with your arms straight.
11:06And kick hard with your arms straight.
11:11Davis, get your feet on the bottom.
11:16Good.
11:17Straight arms.
11:18It's all green down there.
11:23All right.
11:24Now.
11:24What do you think you're going as?
11:42Hands, hats?
11:43Go on, get off.
11:44Well, I can't do anything I want.
11:45I can't do anything I want.
11:51Mr. Hidges.
11:51Mr. Hidges.
12:00This is a filthy boy.
12:02I caught him looking through a moth hole in my cubicle.
12:05You're really, Kramer.
12:07No, that's fair.
12:08I mean, you're really, Kramer.
12:11Yes, sir.
12:12And I'm very sorry.
12:13You'll be sorry as both hips tomorrow.
12:15All right, muscles.
12:20In at this end.
12:21Come on.
12:24Aisler!
12:25Aisler!
12:25Oh, but you can swim.
12:27I said I crud.
12:28You also said you were a three-and-a-half-minute miler,
12:30but you still got stitched before you got outside the school playground.
12:34I'll probably be in the next Olympics.
12:35All right, let's have a look at the rest of the swimmers.
12:46Where's Duffy?
12:54Come on, Duffy.
12:55Get in.
12:57You can swim.
12:58Now, come on, jump in.
13:00I can't swim, can I?
13:02Oh, I see, and we're going to have to preserve the image, are we?
13:08All right, then.
13:09I'll teach you.
13:10Look, I don't want to go in the water.
13:15Now, look, it won't wash your night tan off.
13:18Now, come on.
13:19Look, wait, look.
13:21I'm scared of a mooter, and I can.
13:28Sir?
13:29Sir?
13:30Yes, what is it, Dennis?
13:32Come on.
14:05Oh, lucky kids. I don't know, they'll be the death of me.
14:14Hello. What's this?
14:25The end.
14:27Damn it.
14:28Damn it.
14:30God beat it.
14:35Here, Eric.
14:37Hey?
14:38I saw you last night down the bars with Privet Edges.
14:40Hey?
14:41Oh, yeah. He's just going for this new stroke he's learning.
14:45You lying hound. You can't swim at all. He was teaching you.
14:49I only just got you to float by the looks of things.
14:53I'll tell you to be honest, Sharon. I'm sure it's scared of Walter, aren't I?
14:58Blimey. I'm horrible for you.
15:00Edges, he's like trying to get me over it, isn't he?
15:02Isn't that decent of him?
15:03And you don't tell no one, will you?
15:05Of course not.
15:06Well, you won't, will you?
15:07Who do you think I am? Potter?
15:14Oh, well, well.
15:16Mr Duffy can't swim, eh?
15:18I hope my trunks are all right now.
15:24They come off the first week and the second week, and I don't want them to come off again.
15:28Quite right, then. You keep the women in their places, mate.
15:31I mean, everyone waits for them to come off now.
15:33They all laugh.
15:34And I have to put me hands over it.
15:37Dennis, Monsignor Stockworth says a naked body is a thing of beauty, not of sin.
15:42Oh, does he take his services in the nude, then?
15:44Sharon, don't be so terrible.
15:46No.
15:47But he says the body is, but after all, merely a vehicle.
15:50Like a car?
15:52Well, yes.
15:54And your soul is, but after all, merely the engine of it.
15:57Broom, broom.
15:58That's my soul, that is.
16:00Dennis.
16:01All right, all right, all right.
16:03Yeah, who's polite my net?
16:05What, your air net?
16:06No, my tennis net.
16:08Pribbitt asked Duffy to put it up for the second formers.
16:11Yeah, well, he's pulled the wire so hard he's broke, the young hooligan.
16:13Ah, now that's gummy talk, Potter.
16:15Oh, and what's that?
16:18Oh, rubbish, Duffy.
16:20He's nothing but a bag of wind.
16:22Now, Frankie's our bag of wind, not Eric.
16:24Exactly.
16:26All right, all right, I'll take that back.
16:27I'll take that back.
16:29He can't be a bag of wind, because a bag of wind can float.
16:33He's mad.
16:35Oh, you're too thick to understand a good pun, aren't you?
16:37All right, I'll punny do it for you.
16:39Your iron mighty, Mr. Duffy, not only can't swim, he's frightened of the water.
16:46You shut up, or I'll bash you.
16:47All right, as you and his army.
16:49Eric's.
16:52Here, now, win him in a hour.
16:53Stop there.
16:53Now, look, I've got people just to attend to.
16:56Here, now, look, don't think I'm running away.
16:57It's just that I'm in the honeymoon.
17:00Move, Potter, your bed won't get slept in tonight.
17:03All right, you couldn't.
17:04Well, Eric's frightened.
17:05Mind you, when I was doing me five-mile time trial, he never actually went in, did he?
17:13No, and he never went in swimming when we went down South End, either.
17:17But he can swim, can't he, Peter?
17:19Well, I've never actually seen him, but he must be able to.
17:21He said so, didn't he?
17:22What do you reckon, Charlotte?
17:24I don't know.
17:25Well, he couldn't be frightened.
17:26Yeah, soon find out, won't we?
17:29Find out what?
17:30Uh, nothing, Eric, nothing.
17:32Well, thanks for helping me with the tennis net, Duffy.
17:36Sorry, Chief, but you did say wine.
17:38Yeah, it's all right.
17:39Well, here we go again.
17:40We may not be very clever, but we're clean.
17:47Better.
17:51I don't care what no-one says, Eric.
17:53I don't think you're frightened of swimming.
17:57You cow.
18:00Eric!
18:00All right, everybody, get in.
18:19Come on, get in.
18:20I'm not going to put on a solo aqua show here, you know.
18:22Well, swim, then.
18:34Now, come on.
18:35I'm not going to stand here all day long.
18:36All right, Duffy, stop showing off.
18:54We all know you can swim.
18:55You haven't got a waterproof bag in your trunks, have you, Chief?
19:13You'll have to do something more.
19:15They come off again.
19:16I don't know, Jen.
19:17Perhaps we should have just left the bus down.
19:19Yeah, it might be a bit better.
19:20Yeah, you know what?
19:21No, he probably will not nip over the chip shop.
19:24Now, come along, boys.
19:26Don't dawdle.
19:28Make me have a dawdles if you want, stop.
19:30Oh, I'm...
19:31You know, I never believed all that about, you know, you not being able to swim in there.
19:43Sure, I could see that, mate.
19:45Don't have a go at me.
19:46Potter's the big mouth, ain't he?
19:48Oh, my, I've Pat Kelly.
19:49I'm working on her, ain't I?
19:51You say Potter?
19:52Who else?
19:59Sharon.
20:00I made a bit of a ricket, didn't I?
20:02I'm sorry.
20:03Pardon?
20:03I said I'm sorry.
20:05So you should be Eric Duffy.
20:07Well, I just assumed you know what girls are like.
20:10I'm not girls, I'm a girl.
20:12Yeah, well, I always reckoned you was a good looker, but doing something like that sort of puts you out.
20:19Does it?
20:20It does to me.
20:20Oh, I'm glad.
20:24Look, if you wasn't doing nothing one night...
20:29Here's it!
20:35Yeah, cramp in the lake.
20:37No, over the whole of my body.
20:39Yeah, that was a decent thing you'd done for me with the swimming.
20:42Yes, well, you're lucky you caught me before rigor mortis set in.
20:44God, I don't feel obligated, mind.
20:46Oh, no, I wouldn't want you to do that, Duffy.
20:48I thought I'd go for that box in here, if you like.
20:52All right.
20:53Just so long as you don't borrow a fatty marshal's trunk.
20:55See you there, Duffy.
21:01Good luck, Hopkins, but always remember that in sport the winner is sometimes the loser,
21:20and the loser the winner. Do you think my little saying makes the boys feel better?
21:26I'm sure it does, Headmaster.
21:28Pure mumbo-jumbo.
21:29It is not.
21:30It is.
21:31Pricey, how are Fenstreet doing now?
21:34Oh, brilliantly, sir. It's only 9-0 in the opposition's favour.
21:38Do you know, I'm almost glad that we're losing.
21:41I'm not.
21:42It says something for the spirit that I have engendered in Fenstreet.
21:46Our boys just don't like hurting other boys.
21:49No, not with boxing gloves, I don't. They'd rather use knives.
21:52What's next, Price?
21:54Our heavyweight, sir. Cockerel from Weaver Street and Duffy from Fenstreet.
21:59Over to you there, Mr Starter. Referee.
22:01Yay!
22:12Okay. Okay, um, Cockerel.
22:15I want you to go back to your corners, right? When the bell goes, come out, shake hands and box. And for God's sake, don't stand on my feet.
22:27Off you go.
22:29Well, I'll kiss you.
22:31Yay!
22:36Now, listen to me, lads. I did say shake hands, didn't I?
22:40Oh, certainly, Chief.
22:42Yes, all right. Right. Shake hands, lads. Shake hands. Right. And box.
22:48Go!
22:49Eight, six, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
23:01Happy Old School, eh, Chief?
23:06I should have let you drown, Duffy.
23:08No!
23:09You're right off, man, Chief!
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