- 1 day ago
First broadcast 16th March 1978.
Robin decides to put some tables outside to give the diners more choice.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Duncan Lamont - Duncan Seymour
Hugh Morton - Customer
Michael Angelis - Niarchos
Steve Plytas - Mr. Tackopoulos
Robin Hawdon - Anthony Seymour
Robin decides to put some tables outside to give the diners more choice.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Duncan Lamont - Duncan Seymour
Hugh Morton - Customer
Michael Angelis - Niarchos
Steve Plytas - Mr. Tackopoulos
Robin Hawdon - Anthony Seymour
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:30Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, now listen, if I swivel it a bit to the left, right, I'll get underneath it, give it a twist and a push, I'm very liable to do myself a mischief.
00:51This is ridiculous.
00:53I got the other two tables out the front without any trouble, single-handed.
00:57Oh, I didn't bring him through this way, I took him round the side.
01:03Now he tells us.
01:04Pull the other leg, Vicky.
01:05Has it got bells on?
01:06Will you just pull it, please?
01:07Sorry.
01:08Steady.
01:11There.
01:11Ah, congratulations, sir, you got it through, and without even folding the legs up.
01:17Yes, well, I don't do, then.
01:21Oh, my gosh.
01:23What shall I do with this, sir?
01:25You can stick it in the table when we get it outside.
01:30Did you see that?
01:31I controlled myself there.
01:32Yes, I noticed that.
01:33Incidentally, is that thing waterproof?
01:35I don't know.
01:36Albert, are you waterproof?
01:37Is it fun to rain?
01:39Oh, that's true.
01:40Sitting out there, you could start a bowl of soup and never come to the end of it.
01:45Albert, they have outside cafes in Paris, too.
01:47It rains there as well, you know.
01:48Ah, that'll be French rain.
01:51It's just as wet.
01:52Now, listen, don't worry about this.
01:54All we're doing is we're offering our customers a little bit more than they get from next door, you see?
01:58They can sit outside, eat, drink, get pigeoned on.
02:01No extra charge.
02:02Do you know, that table reminds me of me Auntie Bridey.
02:08Will you ask him, or shall I?
02:10It's my turn.
02:11Why is that, Albert?
02:13Oh, her legs used to fold up.
02:16Especially on a Saturday night.
02:21Ah, good morning, Anthony.
02:23Ah, good morning, James.
02:24I say, um, are you going into the garden furniture business?
02:27Hmm?
02:27No, no, no, no.
02:28It's just some wild scheme of young, uh, uh, uh, you know, bring a touch of ooh-la-la to SW6.
02:34What next?
02:35Strings of onions on the parking meters.
02:37I think it spoils the view somewhat, James.
02:39Well, yes.
02:40From a certain angle, it does block off the surgical supply shop.
02:43That's all ding-dong very well for, for, for foreigners.
02:46But, well, this street's noisy enough without the sound of people scrunching scampi on the pavement.
02:50Well, you know how it is.
02:53He's young, he's enthusiastic, he's an idiot.
02:59Very fond of the drink, me Auntie Bridey.
03:02Come home one night and claim she'd been assaulted by the village pump.
03:07Albert.
03:08Which was highly unlikely, for she was not a good-looking woman.
03:11Albert, look, can you take these chairs outside?
03:13Uh, right, miss.
03:15Though, mind you, the well did run dry for a day or two.
03:20Ah, good morning, sir.
03:22Ah, good morning to you, Riddle.
03:25Ah, now look here, I've just been chatting with young Anthony.
03:28He has a complaint.
03:29Nothing trivial, I hope.
03:31He wants to know if you've got permission to put those tables and chairs outside.
03:35Ah.
03:37Can I put these tables and chairs outside?
03:39Yes, welcome.
03:40I have got permission.
03:41From the council, you have to get their approval to put things on the pavement.
03:46You try telling that to the Labrador from 43.
03:49Oh, it's a big, heavy job, Dash.
03:51Half the trees in the streets are leaning sideways.
03:56Well, in my opinion, England is no place for outdoor eating.
03:59They'll get conkers in their cocoa van.
04:01I mean, all this is just a waste of money.
04:03Money isn't everything, Dad.
04:06Thirteen years of private education and they've taught a communism.
04:08I've come for the account books, Victoria.
04:13Right.
04:14Follow me, comrade.
04:19I rather want to go through them with my tax consultant.
04:21Oh, is it visiting day at Wormwood's Cross?
04:23Yes, that's fine.
04:24My investment in this place was originally intended as a tax loss.
04:28Thanks for your confidence.
04:29But it seems there's a slight danger.
04:31You might be making a profit.
04:32Oh, all right.
04:34I think it's a good idea, Dash.
04:36If you thought of it before, you could have done it before you thought of it.
04:40Do you know, I never thought of that.
04:41Not just a pretty face.
04:45Um, just a moment, old man.
04:48Ah, morning, Zebedee.
04:49That table is overlapping the front of my restaurant.
04:56Is it?
04:57Yes, I know.
04:57Just a little bit.
04:59Move it.
05:00Oh, very well.
05:05There we are.
05:05That's the best I can do.
05:06The umbrella is still overhanging my airspace.
05:10Move it.
05:11Now, look.
05:13Politeness costs nothing, you know.
05:15We may be business rivals, but there's no reason why we can't be civil to each other, is there?
05:20Very well.
05:21Move it, please.
05:23Get stuffed.
05:39Hey, Albert.
05:40Have you ever seen a pompous twit with steam coming out of his ears?
05:43No, sir.
05:43Well, now's your chance.
05:46Right, we're open for lunch.
05:47Time for a bit of work.
05:48I must be going.
05:50It's like magic, isn't it?
05:51You mention the word work and he vanishes.
06:06Um, excuse me, sir, but...
06:08May I see the menu, please?
06:09I beg your pardon?
06:10The menu.
06:11No.
06:13Ah.
06:13Um, wouldn't you rather eat inside, sir?
06:16No, I'll eat out here.
06:18May I have your menu?
06:20Certainly, sir.
06:23There we are.
06:24Uh, Niyakos.
06:27I can recommend the entrecote, sir.
06:29Very good.
06:30Uh, Niyakos, sir, serve the customer, will you, please?
06:32Uh, entrecote, yes.
06:37I want to ask my tax consultant if there'd be any advantage in controlling this business
06:43through a jersey holding company.
06:45No, I can't cook with somebody holding my jersey, I'm sorry.
06:47You obviously know nothing about tax avoidance.
06:50Tax avoidance, tax evasion, what's the difference?
06:52About five years.
06:53Oh.
06:54We have got a point.
06:55I mean, last week we made a profit of £32.50.
06:58Perhaps we should consider tax exile.
07:00You mean join Engelbert Humperdinck?
07:02Well, it's either that or stay here with Max Bygraves.
07:05What a choice.
07:06Now, look here.
07:08Money is no joking matter.
07:09I...
07:10Oh.
07:12I say, you seem to have a customer outside.
07:14Have we?
07:15Hey, we have.
07:16You see?
07:17I said it was a good idea.
07:18I should get to him before the Labrador number 43 does.
07:25Right.
07:26I'll see you later, Dad.
07:27Yes, all right, then.
07:28Bye-bye.
07:34Ooh la la.
07:35Eh?
07:36What?
07:39Lovely day, sir.
07:41Would you like a menu?
07:42Well, I don't need one.
07:44I'm having the entrecote steak rare, salad, and half a bottle of Beaujolais.
07:47Oh, right.
07:52Entrecote rare, salad, and half of Beaujolais.
07:55That's over three quid.
07:56One of the legs of the chair he's sitting on has already paid for itself.
08:00Hey, can I serve the wine, sir?
08:02What?
08:02I've been studying wine at the library for weeks.
08:04All right.
08:05Half a bottle of Beaujolais.
08:06Yeah, right, sir.
08:07Would that be red or white?
08:08Good.
08:10This is the wine, Albert.
08:12Now, when you serve it, you pour out a little thirst for a taste.
08:15That's very decent, dear miss.
08:16Would you like to taste it, sir?
08:19Hmm?
08:20Oh, no, I'm sure it's fine.
08:23Thank you, sir.
08:25Your steak won't be long, sir.
08:32Here we are, sir.
08:33Would you like to taste it?
08:34No, I'm sure it's fine.
08:36I...
08:37I'm not paying for two bottles of wine.
08:40I only ordered one.
08:40Well, you'll only pay for one, sir.
08:44Really?
08:45I must come here again.
08:48This is a very important meal, this.
08:51This is the first time we've actually served someone outside.
08:53Perhaps we should have it bronzed.
08:55Give him an omelette instead.
08:56No.
08:57Steak he wants and steak he shall have.
08:59Your steak, sir.
09:01Is it rare?
09:03No, sir.
09:04Got plenty in the fridge.
09:05Ah, yes.
09:06It's rare, sir, as you ordered.
09:10Have you got the napkin there?
09:12Your steak, sir.
09:14What?
09:18Whose steak, sir?
09:20Mine.
09:20You ordered it.
09:22Yes, but it's my table.
09:23In front of my restaurant.
09:25I'm sorry, but I just don't understand.
09:26Oh, that's all right, sir.
09:27I don't need to bother you.
09:28Dressing on the salad, Narkos.
09:29It's rather a good idea, these outside tables.
09:35Now, listen, you.
09:37Control yourself, Robert.
09:37Will you keep out of this, Vicky?
09:39I do have a black belt at karate.
09:43It's lucky for you I can control myself.
09:47Look, try and see the funny side of it.
09:51Yes, I suppose it's quite amusing, really.
09:54Well, yes, isn't it?
09:55Yes.
09:59I'll kill him.
10:15Why did he not like a steak?
10:17Not him, him.
10:18Now, it's all going to be wasted.
10:20Well, now, if it's any help, I'm feeling a bit peckish myself.
10:23Everything to your satisfaction, sir?
10:30Yes, yes.
10:31Very nice.
10:32Thank you, sir.
10:32Your bill.
10:35But I've already paid it.
10:37Pardon?
10:37To your other bill.
10:44Chose chain, Higgins.
10:45Scottish and proud of it.
10:47I want carton and everything.
10:48Cups, plates, napkins.
10:51Aye, that's right.
10:51And what happened to that consignment of Argentine beef?
10:55Well, check on it, no.
10:58Aye, I'll hold on.
11:01This seems a good idea to yours, Anthony.
11:04Who thought of it?
11:05I did.
11:07Go on.
11:08I always thought you were a wee bit daft.
11:11Why did you take me into the business?
11:13Oh, that was your mother's idea.
11:15She was a wee bit daft, too.
11:18And you've been into the practical side of it.
11:20Yes, yes.
11:22It would wipe out the opposition and enable us to...
11:25Hello?
11:26Mr. Nichols is here, sir.
11:28All right, send him in.
11:30He's here.
11:33Ah, James.
11:34Ah, James.
11:37Well, get on with it, then, instead of sitting there with your feet on the desk twiddling your moustache.
11:43Stupid woman.
11:43You know my father, I believe.
11:47Yes, of course.
11:48How are you, Duncan?
11:48Oh, fine.
11:49Sit down, James.
11:51I'd offer you a drink, but I'm too bloody mean.
11:56Oh, Anthony's had an idea.
11:58He has?
11:59Oh, I know.
12:00I was surprised as well.
12:01This restaurant of yours, uh, uh, Robin's, uh, Duda.
12:07Nest.
12:08We decided Duda lacked a certain something.
12:12Hey, well, it's right next door to one of my chain, and I'd like to buy it.
12:17Ah.
12:19Yes.
12:20It would allow me to expand, you see.
12:22Quite.
12:23Quite.
12:23Of course, I'd, uh, I'd be delighted to, to take your daughter into the new premises and find a place for her.
12:30Delighted to have her.
12:31Hmm.
12:32And, uh, what about young, uh, um, uh, uh, yes, well, then, well, I'd, I'd do what I could, but, um...
12:39Well, there's no need for a hasty decision.
12:43Any time in the next, uh, five minutes will do.
12:47I'm sorry, but I can't possibly make a decision.
12:49I, uh, have a figure in mind.
12:50I can't possibly make a decision in such a short.
12:54It's rather a high figure, isn't it?
12:56Well, give it me back and I'll lower it.
12:59No, no, no, no, no, uh, you see, the, uh, the snag is that Victoria seems to have taken rather a shine to this young, uh, you know, she would never forgive me if I, um, it is quite a high figure.
13:12Aye, it is.
13:13Ah, look, you give me a day or two, it all depends on how I put it to them.
13:20Hmm.
13:24What made you decide to study wine, Albert?
13:26I want to better myself, miss.
13:28I'm not really cut out to be a washer-upper.
13:32No, I tend to agree with you.
13:34Oh, then.
13:36Could I ask you a question on wine?
13:39You know, just sort of to test you.
13:40Oh, I'd be delighted, sir.
13:41Who's been at the cooking show?
13:43Eh, well, eh, I just had a sniff to educate me palate.
13:48Some sniff.
13:52Morning, everybody.
13:55Well, my boy, and how are you?
13:56Hmm.
13:59I'm fine.
14:00Good, good, good, good, good, good, good.
14:02Ah, Victoria.
14:05Feeling all right?
14:06Fine, fine, fine.
14:07Why?
14:08You've got a very funny expression on your face.
14:10I'm smiling.
14:13Look, I would rather like to have a word with both of you.
14:16Do you think we might go through into the...
14:19Now, as partners in this business,
14:26Miss, I feel the time has come to ask ourselves a few questions.
14:30Right.
14:31What's the capital of up of over?
14:35Yes, very good, yes.
14:38Witty.
14:41Questions, such as,
14:43Is this the right sort of neighbourhood for a Cordon Bleu restaurant?
14:48Well, it's on the way up.
14:50Exactly.
14:51And when a neighbourhood is up,
14:52what is the only way it can go?
14:54Down.
14:55Get out before that happens.
14:57What?
14:57Sit down.
14:58I mean,
15:01How many people do you normally get in here?
15:06Well, so far this week,
15:07we've been crowded every night.
15:09You have?
15:10Oh, yes.
15:11Well, I mean,
15:11if you go on like that,
15:12you will soon lose your popularity.
15:16What are you getting at?
15:18Nothing.
15:18Nothing at all.
15:19What sort of nothing?
15:21Well, I just thought you might consider
15:23moving to other premises.
15:27Apart from that, nothing.
15:29Other premises.
15:30Hmm.
15:30Why?
15:32I can see that I shall have to put my cards on the table.
15:35Tell you the truth.
15:36Go on.
15:38I'm worried that you're overworking,
15:40trying to keep such a big place going.
15:43What sort of other premises?
15:45Well, I don't know.
15:46I mean, I'm hardly the person to...
15:48I do have other premises,
15:51now you've come to mention it.
15:53Ideal for a restaurant,
15:55even more intimate than this one.
15:56You mean smaller?
15:57I mean intimate.
15:58Look, I'll tell you what.
16:00Why don't you come along with me now
16:01and have a look at the place?
16:03I can't just drop everything.
16:04I mean, I'm busy.
16:06Why not?
16:06He can.
16:07Well, I don't see the point.
16:09I like it here.
16:10So do I.
16:10Well, you've done to lose
16:11by just looking, have you?
16:14Incidentally, it's Ouagadoukou.
16:16What is?
16:16The capital of Upper Volta.
16:21Oh, it's an absolutely marvellous place.
16:24You'll love it.
16:25You really will.
16:25You've actually been there.
16:27Been there?
16:28I own it.
16:29Ouagadoukou.
16:32No, no, no.
16:33The premises.
16:34For your new restaurant.
16:35Listen, exactly where is this place?
16:38Um, it's a little bit south of Chelsea.
16:41Oh, it's a little bit.
17:12Fallon?
17:12Yes.
17:13Yes.
17:14The Hampstead of South London.
17:28I tell you, this area is just waiting to be discovered.
17:31With a gasworks that way and a glue factory that way,
17:33it's not difficult to find.
17:38Furthermore, I'd only charge you half the rent.
17:39No, it's only half the size.
17:41Now, Mr. Nichols, this is a dry-cleaning factory.
17:44Or a waxworks.
17:46It certainly can't be a restaurant.
17:48Oh, why not?
17:49I mean, it's a busy, thriving little business.
17:52Wake up, Mr. Tarkopoulos.
17:55Leave it on the counter.
17:58Ah, Mr. Nichols.
18:00What can I do for you?
18:03Well, I just brought this young man along to...
18:05Not before time.
18:06Slip them off.
18:09I'll clean them for you.
18:11No, no, no, no, no.
18:12He's thinking of taking over the premises when you leave.
18:14Oh, no, I'm sorry.
18:15I'm sorry.
18:15Oh, let's not be hasty.
18:17Listen, you're not going to get anyone to come and eat here.
18:19That's true.
18:20Six years I've been here and no one's ever come in to eat.
18:23Clean it up and give it a lick of paint.
18:25You would be a whack.
18:27Yes, I'm away now.
18:28Thank you very much.
18:29Hang about.
18:29Look, I'm sorry, Mr. Tarkopoulos.
18:32Tarkopoulos, to have bothered you.
18:33You didn't bother me.
18:35It's nice to hear a human voice.
18:38Sure you won't slip your trousers off?
18:41That's very kind of you, but no.
18:43A quick press for half a crown?
18:46No, thanks.
18:47No, no, no.
18:48Don't dismiss this place.
18:50I mean, use your imagination.
18:52Consider the possibilities.
18:53Then give me your decision.
18:59No way.
19:03Victoria, tell him.
19:05He needs to expand.
19:06To a smaller place?
19:07Yeah, no.
19:09Well, it wasn't all that much smaller anyway.
19:11However, if you prefer to stay here, well, then I'll say no more about it.
19:15Good.
19:15I have another property in Captain Junction.
19:18Magnificent panorama over the marshalling yard.
19:21Dad, why do you want to hide in this place?
19:24I don't.
19:25Look me in the eyes and say that.
19:29I refuse to play these childish games.
19:38May I have some more wine, please?
19:39I'll get some.
19:46Oh, Albert, don't tell me a handle's come off another cup.
19:49No, sir, no.
19:50This time the cup came off the handle.
19:52But this is powerful stuff, sir.
19:56You could stick a catalytic to a Protestant with this.
19:59Yes.
20:00Where's the corkscrew?
20:01Oh, it's here, sir, on the table.
20:02Yeah.
20:03Yeah.
20:05That's powerful stuff.
20:06There's another one over there.
20:09Erm, I was talking to the washer up our next door, sir.
20:13Mm.
20:14Oh, I meet him when I'm emptying the broken crockery into the dustbin.
20:18You see him quite often, then?
20:19Oh, yes, I can.
20:20And he says Mr. Nichols is planning to sell this place to the steakhouse.
20:25Rubbish.
20:25If he was going to sell that, I'd be the first one to...
20:28Oh.
20:31And furthermore, the place at Clapham Junction is even bigger than this one.
20:35It would be.
20:35It's a fertiliser warehouse.
20:37What?
20:37What?
20:37What?
20:38What?
20:38I mean, you said this place was too big for us, so if that's even bigger...
20:41Ah, but you don't have to use it all.
20:44In fact, you can't.
20:45Not since the fire.
20:47Hold on, Vicky.
20:48Let's look at it from your father's point of view.
20:51Oh.
20:52Now, you see, if we were to move out, your father could sell this place.
20:58Do you know, I never thought of that.
21:00Oh, yes.
21:01And he'd most probably get quite a good price for it.
21:03You really think so?
21:04Oh, yes, yes.
21:05You haven't had an offer for this place yet, have you?
21:08Me?
21:09Hmm.
21:09An offer?
21:10Hmm.
21:11For this place?
21:11Hmm.
21:14I knew there was something I meant to tell you.
21:18Slipped your mind.
21:19Slipped my mind, yes.
21:21Yes, yes.
21:21Who from?
21:22Oh, that's neither here nor there.
21:24Yes, it is.
21:24It's there.
21:25What?
21:26What, the steakhouse?
21:27Hmm?
21:27Oh, Dad, how could you?
21:29There was a principal involved, Victoria.
21:30He offered me a lot of money.
21:32Besides, I have a liquidity problem.
21:35Now, he can't sell this place without our agreement.
21:37We do own 50% of the business.
21:39More or less.
21:40What?
21:41Well, less, actually.
21:43I mean, I do happen to own 51%.
21:45What?
21:46Since when?
21:48Well, it was perfectly clearly laid out in the agreement.
21:50Sub-paragraph 27b.
21:52The one in Latin.
21:53So you can kick us out.
21:58Don't make me out to be some sort of heartless monster.
22:03I am capable of deep, abiding affection.
22:06I know.
22:06I've seen you counting the takings.
22:07Oh, that's not fair, Robin.
22:09He wouldn't swing his own daughter out.
22:11I mean, that would be unreasonable.
22:13He is capable of being totally unreasonable, aren't you?
22:16Well...
22:17Well...
22:23Well...
22:28I have decided it would be totally unreasonable.
22:30Good man.
22:31I'm not going to sell it to you.
22:32What?
22:34Well, after all, blood is thicker than liquidity.
22:37But I do see your need for a larger premises.
22:39And it so happens that I have the ideal place over in Clapham Junction.
22:42Now, it used to be a fertiliser warehouse.
22:45You'll feel really at home now.
22:48I'll drink to that.
22:50Cheers.
22:50Cheers.
22:53Clumsy.
23:12Cheers.
23:13Cheers.
23:14Cheers.
23:15Cheers.
23:16Cheers.
23:17Cheers.
23:18Cheers.
23:19Cheers.
23:20Cheers.
23:21Cheers.
23:22Cheers.
23:23Cheers.
23:24Cheers.
23:25Cheers.
23:26Cheers.
23:27Cheers.
23:28Cheers.
23:29Cheers.
23:30Cheers.
23:31Cheers.
23:32Cheers.
23:33Cheers.
23:34Cheers.
23:35Cheers.
23:36Cheers.
23:37Cheers.
23:38Cheers.
23:39Cheers.
23:40Cheers.
23:41Cheers.
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