- 17 hours ago
First broadcast 30th March 1978.
Albert asks if there is any chance that he could be invited to the wedding.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Honor Blackman - Marion Nicholls
David Lodge - Mr. Tripp
Hilda Kriseman - Mrs. Tripp
Frank Gatliff - Travel Agent
Arthur Howard - Vicar
Frank Tregear - Delivery Man
Stan Van - Delivery Man
Albert asks if there is any chance that he could be invited to the wedding.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Honor Blackman - Marion Nicholls
David Lodge - Mr. Tripp
Hilda Kriseman - Mrs. Tripp
Frank Gatliff - Travel Agent
Arthur Howard - Vicar
Frank Tregear - Delivery Man
Stan Van - Delivery Man
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I don't know.
00:30Oh, you mustn't forget them.
00:40Excuse me, sir, but would that be the list of the wedding guests?
00:44Six chickens, ten pork chops, one dozen rump steaks.
00:48Not really, I thought, are they?
00:50No, sir, no.
00:51I was wondering if you were thinking of including me on the list.
00:56Well, I don't see we not.
00:57We could squeeze you in between the spare ribs and the chipolatas.
01:01Of the wedding guests.
01:03Only I haven't been to a proper wedding since me Uncle Brendan married his fifth.
01:08Fifth? He gets around.
01:09Oh, not anymore. He was still married to the other four.
01:14The judge gave him six months inside.
01:17Oh, he appealed against it, but they wouldn't give him any longer.
01:21Albert, come Saturday you'll be there.
01:24We couldn't leave you out, according to Vicky.
01:26Oh, I'm looking forward to it, sir.
01:28I'll sub-book it, so I will.
01:30I always do, I sub-book it, so I will.
01:35Vicky, are you sure we can't leave him out?
01:37Oh, not really. He's been dropping hints for weeks.
01:39He's been dropping everything for weeks.
01:42Listen, how's your wedding dress coming up?
01:43Okay. How's yours?
01:44Well, I'm having a bit of trouble with the embroidered bodies, you know, but to come the day I shall look absolutely radiant.
01:54No time for that. You're getting married on Saturday.
01:56Mr. Field Marshal Montgomery.
02:01I don't understand that, young man.
02:03Now then, M-day.
02:06At 1100 hours, we shall muster here.
02:08The convoy of limousines will arrive here at 11.07 hours, disembarkation at the church 11.38 hours.
02:16And then we'll go over the top and hit the blight as the sixth.
02:18After the reception at 14th, at half past two,
02:24the special car will arrive here to pick you up, and you will proceed on honeymoon.
02:30Well, we're not going on honeymoon. We can't afford it.
02:32Oh, well, that is my little surprise for you.
02:36A wedding gift.
02:37Air tickets to Paris, hotel reservations, all arranged, all paid for.
02:42Oh, Dad.
02:44I thought you were going to give us a freezer.
02:46What?
02:47A freezer, you know, for the kitchen.
02:49I mean, we need...
02:50Not that that's not...
02:51It's very nice.
02:51You know, it's unexpected.
02:52Well, it is unexpected, you know, because we were expecting a freezer, but...
02:55What?
02:56No, no, it is very nice.
02:57You know, two weeks on holiday.
03:00It's nearly as good as a freezer, but no, sorry.
03:03It's a really nice thought.
03:05Yes, everything paid for, two weeks doing whatever we want to do,
03:08while the meat goes off.
03:11But we don't keep going on about it.
03:13I know we put a freezer on the list.
03:14I know a freezer would be nice.
03:16It would be very useful.
03:16We could do with a freezer.
03:17If we had a freezer, I would have to shop...
03:18Victoria, you are going on about it now.
03:22I cannot sit in a rocking chair in your old age and remember a freezer.
03:26You'll thank me when you're 90 for this honeymoon.
03:29You reckon you'll still be around, dear?
03:32We do appreciate it, Dad.
03:33Really, we do.
03:35Well, good.
03:37I had my honeymoon in Paris, you know.
03:39It was marvellous.
03:41That was before you and Mummy started fighting.
03:43Well, no, not exactly.
03:44We did fight a bit about where to go.
03:45She went to Venice.
03:50Anyway, I must organise the flowers.
03:53Carnations, white, guests for the use of.
03:55Carry on.
03:56Sop!
04:01At ease.
04:05It is nice of him, though, isn't it?
04:07Oh, yeah, sure.
04:08Excuse me, sir, miss, but could I be spared for half an hour?
04:12Easily, Albert, easily.
04:14I want to look me best for the wedding photographs,
04:17so I thought I'd get myself a pair of new underpants.
04:23I know we asked him for a freezer, but, well, this is pretty good, isn't it?
04:27Well, yes, as I wanted wedding presents to go, yeah, it's great,
04:29but a honeymoon in Paris isn't exactly going to be full of surprises for us, is it?
04:33No, we can't really afford to close up for two weeks, either.
04:37No.
04:38I know what you're thinking, and it wouldn't be right.
04:40What?
04:41You're thinking that we could cash these tickets in and the reservations
04:43and buy a freezer with the money.
04:45Oh, I wasn't.
04:46I wasn't thinking that.
04:48I was.
04:50That's a very sneaky thought.
04:52Ah, but you weren't thinking it.
04:53No, but I am now.
04:55I mean, that's what people do with unwanted wedding presents, isn't it?
04:57They trade them in for something they really do want.
05:01Do you think we could?
05:03I'm afraid it's not usual to refund money at such short notice
05:09without a very good reason.
05:11Well, what would be a good reason?
05:13Ill health, a bereavement in the family.
05:16Well, her father's going to kill me when he finds out.
05:20You'll have to do better than that.
05:21Well, you see, it was a honeymoon, and we've decided not to go through with it.
05:25I'm sorry, miss.
05:26I still need a good reason.
05:28All right, all right.
05:29Now, listen, listen.
05:30Would you marry somebody who goes around winking at other fellas,
05:33you know, chats them up, starts flirting around with them?
05:35I mean, would you marry somebody like that?
05:38Probably not.
05:39Well, neither will she, so give me the money.
05:42Listen, we are getting married.
05:44We just don't want to go on honeymoon, that's all.
05:46That's the best time in a marriage,
05:48before you get to know each other.
05:49Yes, we'd rather have a freezer.
05:53I do not sell freezers.
05:55Very few travel agents do, and I...
05:57Fraser travel?
06:02Oh, hello, dear.
06:04Yes, I...
06:05Yes, I'm sorry about this morning, but I...
06:09Yes, dear, well, I didn't mean to upset you.
06:12Or your mother.
06:15Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't be hasty, Ethel.
06:17You know it gives me rheumatism sleeping in the garage.
06:22But it's not my fault the cat got at her wig.
06:27Yes.
06:28Yes, of course, my sweet, whatever you say.
06:31And a lettuce.
06:34Bye-bye.
06:37So, young man, you're getting married, are you?
06:40Yes.
06:41Then you're going to need all the help you can get.
06:44I'll refund the money.
06:50This is typical.
06:51Typical of Marion.
06:53Her only daughter getting married, and she is late.
06:55Late?
06:55What time did you do?
06:56Two minutes ago.
06:57Oh, don't.
06:59Everybody else is here, downstairs.
07:01Apart from your brother.
07:02What?
07:03Well, he's got to be here.
07:04He's my best man.
07:05Don't panic.
07:06I have arranged everything so that it will flow as smoothly as a well-oiled machine.
07:11And speaking of well-oiled, I think I'll have another.
07:14Help Vicky get ready.
07:15You stay out of that bedroom.
07:16I'm not having her married in a crumpled wedding dress.
07:18Ah, Marion.
07:27At last.
07:28Hello, James.
07:29Do you have a good flight from Portugal?
07:31No trouble with the broomstick?
07:35Fine, thank you.
07:37It sagged a bit towards the middle.
07:39Rather like you do.
07:41Hello, Robin.
07:42Hello, Mrs. Nickell.
07:42I am not putting on any weight, Marion.
07:44You mustn't be so sensitive, James.
07:47You'll have to learn to take it on the chins.
07:52Yes, well, may I offer you a drink?
07:54Whiskey, gin, saucer of milk?
07:58No, I don't think so.
07:59One of us should stay sober for the ceremony.
08:02Now, Robin, have you decided where you're going for your honeymoon?
08:06Ah, yes.
08:06Now, that is all arranged, Marion.
08:07They're going to Paris at my expense.
08:09I wanted to talk to you about...
08:10I think that's a mistake.
08:12Venice would be far nicer.
08:14Paris.
08:15Venice.
08:17You know, Fulham's really nice at this time.
08:20Nonsense.
08:21No, no, no, no.
08:22They'll enjoy Paris.
08:24Well, I think I'm about as ready as I'm ever going to be.
08:28Oh, that's...
08:29That's not her.
08:30Oh, darling.
08:31You look...
08:33You look...
08:35Doesn't she?
08:36She does, indeed.
08:37Hello, darling.
08:39Hello, Mum.
08:40You really look quite...
08:42Quite, um...
08:44You're not going to cry, are you?
08:45Because if you do, I will.
08:47No, of course I'm not going to cry.
08:49There's nothing to cry about.
08:55For God's sakes, don't look at your father.
08:58I'm glad you're all right.
09:00That's a spirit pop.
09:04Pop.
09:05You are not supposed to see the bride before the ceremony.
09:08Out.
09:08Go and mingle with your guests.
09:18I'll tell you this, Mr. Tripp.
09:20I'm glad I'm not at a wedding every day.
09:22It's quite a business getting the cellophane off a pair of underpants.
09:26Ah, yes.
09:29Well, it would be.
09:30Tell me, uh...
09:31Albert, what do you exactly do in my son's restaurant?
09:35I'm a straight hand man.
09:40Executive in charge of the fairy liquids.
09:44And how long have you been his father, Mr. Tripp?
09:49Quite some time.
09:50Ah, that's nice.
09:51Yes.
09:51Hi, Dad.
09:52Has Albert been looking after you?
09:53Ah, well, he, uh, brought me a drink over and he'd drunk it himself.
09:57Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
09:58I get you another.
09:59What do you mean another?
10:00Listen, where's Mum?
10:01Ah, well, she's having her usual little sob in the loo.
10:04A Norman?
10:04Ah.
10:05Well, your brother's not coming, lad.
10:07He's, uh, got mumps.
10:09Mumps?
10:10Ah, it's a bit dodgy at his age.
10:12Be a while before he rides a bike.
10:13But he's my best man.
10:16Don't panic.
10:17Don't panic.
10:17Best man, sir.
10:18Ah, well, now, if I can be of any help.
10:20I mean, I've got clean underpants on.
10:23I know for him as well, but...
10:24Don't worry.
10:25I'll do it.
10:26I've seen plenty off on the final walk.
10:28Fuck, because the car should be here, sir.
10:29Yeah, go, go.
10:30Oh, here.
10:30Oh, this is, uh...
10:32Sorry, Mr. Nichols.
10:33This is my dad.
10:34Dad, this is Mr. Nichols Vickers.
10:36How do you do?
10:36How do you do?
10:37And he's going to be my best man because, uh, Norman's got mumps.
10:40Oh, my God.
10:42Well, in this, uh, little lot, uh, push your packet.
10:48I'm glad I decided to only have some, sir.
10:50Yeah, as well.
10:52You've decided.
10:53Oh, it's just a matter of willpower.
10:57Mr. Nichols, Mr. Nichols are here.
10:59Ah, good.
11:00Twelve seconds late.
11:01Never mind.
11:02Right, can we have the groom and the best man in the first car, please?
11:06And the bride's family form up on the left.
11:10Well, this is it, lad.
11:11Your reprieve never come through.
11:20Are you sure he's the best one you can get?
11:22No.
11:23Are you sure he's the best one you ever have?
11:36I've left a door.
11:45Dear beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the face of this congregation
11:52to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
11:57Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health
12:03and forsaking all other
12:06keep thee only unto him
12:08so long as you both shall live
12:10I will
12:11who giveth this woman to be married
12:16to this man
12:17I do
12:33you'll be next
13:03got the beard
13:04thank you Mrs. Tripp
13:18who?
13:19oh
13:20I don't feel like Mrs. Tripp
13:22I do
13:23you haven't lost interest then
13:28now that it's all legal
13:29oh I've always gone for marriage with this
13:31would you like a piece of wedding cake
13:34Mrs. Jennifer's?
13:34oh no not me thank you
13:36but let's say fatties
13:36it's full of calories
13:38is it?
13:40I can't taste them myself
13:41eat, drink and be merry
13:45for tomorrow we die
13:46oh well
13:49the happiest day of their lives
13:51do you remember ours?
13:53hmm
13:53the sun was shining
13:55as we came out of the divorce court
13:57well I hope they make a better go
14:02over to Edith
14:02they already have
14:04halfway through the reception
14:05without a blow being struck
14:06true, true
14:07ah hello there
14:09where's Mrs. Tripp?
14:11oh she's back in the loo
14:12having a good sob
14:13she did come out for the ceremony
14:15I should do easy on the champagne pie
14:19would you
14:19nobody would be able to get in there
14:21for about an hour
14:22hmm
14:22yes
14:24it's an emotional time for a mother
14:25she's a woman
14:27but she was the same when our Norman got married
14:32you know
14:32run out of Kleenex
14:33went on to the Bronco
14:35I had my little cry
14:40before I put on my mascara
14:42one has to be practical
14:44photographer
14:45it's um
14:50it's just me little wedding gift to your boat
14:52it's nothing too fancy
14:53you understand
14:54oh but
14:55that's very nice of you
14:56it's lovely
14:58what's it matches?
15:01no miss
15:02no it's inside
15:03it's just a ring
15:05me great grandmother gave me
15:07there's a shamrock in the stone
15:09if you ward off
15:11the evil eye
15:12that's very nice
15:13but I don't actually believe
15:14can I have a word with you young man?
15:21yes sir?
15:22don't you think it's time to
15:23what is he pointing that ring at me for?
15:27nothing
15:27nothing
15:28nothing
15:29look
15:30don't you think it's about time
15:33that you ain't got changed?
15:34the car will be here
15:35the car will be here
15:35at four
15:36at
15:36car
15:37yes
15:38actually I want to talk to you about
15:39ladies and gentlemen
15:40may I have your attention please
15:42will you all raise your glasses
15:43to the happy couple
15:44and
15:45before they dash off
15:47to their honeymoon in Paris
15:48which is my little wedding gift to them
15:51Victoria
15:52and
15:53her husband
15:55happy honeymoon
15:57Victoria
15:58thank you very much
16:00thank you
16:01I thought you told him about the freezer
16:03the freezer?
16:04no I didn't have time
16:05because
16:05thank you very much
16:08thank you very much
16:08I didn't because
16:09sorry
16:09very kindly
16:10thank you
16:11thank you so much
16:12I didn't have time to
16:13what are we going to do?
16:15well I think we'd better go and get changed
16:17bye
16:18bye
16:19bye
16:19bye
16:20bye
16:20bye
16:21bye
16:22bye
16:22ah well he's done it now
16:30next thing you know
16:32you'll be a granny
16:33this is ridiculous
16:37we couldn't tell him in front of everybody
16:40not when he had the car waiting to take us to
16:43to
16:44exactly
16:45where are we actually going to go then?
16:47well
16:47excuse me
16:50um
16:51we're not actually going away on honeymoon
16:54no?
16:55no
16:55so er
16:57could you drive round and round for half an hour?
17:00yes madam
17:00er
17:01you will be careful of the seats
17:03they are real leather
17:04we'll wait till the reception's over
17:10and then we'll go and find him
17:11and we'll explain to him in private
17:13okay?
17:13okay
17:14yes I think
17:16what?
17:18you're not going to be too bad at all
17:19oh
17:20careful
17:21careful careful careful
17:22the seats are real leather
17:24well that leaves just the two of us
17:37yes
17:38just like our own reception
17:40all the guests left as soon as the wedding cake started flying
17:43they ought to be at the airport by now
17:46yes
17:47ah
17:47two weeks of happiness
17:50that's just about what we had
17:52spread over twelve years
17:54still we get on better now these days don't we?
17:59mainly because we don't see so much of each other
18:01oh I don't know James
18:02I seem to see more of you every time I come over
18:05yes well I'll see you at your hotel
18:08thank you
18:09ah Riddle
18:10I shall be back later
18:11I'm expecting a delivery
18:13eh right sir
18:14I'm just tidy up
18:15goodbye madam
18:16goodbye
18:16I'm staying at the Ritz
18:18the only place
18:19the only place where you've forgotten to cancel my account
18:22do you think they've all gone?
18:45I don't know yet do I
18:47shush
18:47can you hear anything?
18:52oh
18:52just some sort of slurping noise
18:58Albert
19:03oh god me heart turned right over and nudged me kidneys
19:10Albert
19:12Albert
19:13now have they all left
19:14oh just this minute sir
19:16yeah
19:16your father took your mother to our lodgings
19:19did you lose your way?
19:23sure this isn't Paris
19:24no we
19:25we didn't realise that Albert
19:27we've changed our minds
19:28we're going to have our honeymoon here
19:29ah
19:31well I'd better leave
19:32no no
19:33up there
19:34ah well
19:35well I see you're not disturbed sir
19:37so you go right up there and have your
19:39do your
19:40enjoy
19:42I see you're not disturbed
19:44freezer
19:58you what?
20:00freezer
20:01name of Mr. Robin Tripp
20:04this address
20:04sign your squire
20:05oh I know nothing about this
20:07no?
20:08well you better get hold of Mr. Tripp
20:10he ordered it
20:10so what I suggest is
20:12that we tell your father
20:13tell him the truth
20:14he won't like it
20:14but he'll just have to face up to it
20:16so you'll go around and see him then?
20:18no I'll write him a letter
20:19wait in that bed
20:19it's in the bedroom
20:21but you can't
20:22hello?
20:25hello miss
20:26it's Albert
20:27I'm sorry to disturb you
20:29in the middle of it
20:30of the afternoon
20:31but it's alright
20:33I've got me eyes shut
20:34you can open them Albert
20:38what is it?
20:40only there's a couple of fellas down here
20:42delivered in a freezer thing
20:43oh
20:44it's arrived
20:45terrific
20:45um Albert
20:46will you sign for it?
20:48yeah well alright miss
20:49if you say so
20:50but uh
20:51oh your father's here now
20:52would you like to speak to him?
20:54um
20:54no not really
20:55is it Victoria?
20:57yes sir
20:57splendid
20:58they've arrived
20:59well let me have a few hours
21:00hello darling
21:03hello dad
21:04what is the weather like there?
21:07um
21:08it's bright and sunny
21:10oh yes
21:11yes it is here too
21:13it would be
21:14have you had a good trip?
21:18let me
21:18let me rephrase that
21:23have you had a good journey?
21:26um
21:26yes
21:27sort of
21:28um
21:29oh
21:29Robin's here
21:30my father
21:31you talk to him
21:32oh thank you
21:34hello Mr. Nichols
21:37hello there
21:38it's a remarkably clear line isn't it?
21:41all the way from London to Paris
21:42yes
21:44yes
21:44what's your dad doing in Paris?
21:48you're in Paris
21:49oh my god
21:50uh hello Mr. Nichols
21:53yes
21:53look I think there is something that um
21:55all right
21:56here's Vicky
21:57oh
21:58dad um
22:00wait there
22:01we'll explain in a minute
22:03hello
22:06operator
22:07uh
22:08opérateur
22:09je parle à quelqu'un
22:14dans l'hôtel George V à Paris
22:17hello
22:18mais la line est coupée
22:22hello
22:24operator
22:24opérateur
22:25êtes-vous là
22:27hello
22:30hello
22:31hello
22:32see uh
22:41we're not in Paris
22:42you might
22:43well probably
22:44yes I know
22:45but a minute
22:45what are you doing here?
22:47if we were here
22:47we wouldn't be here
22:48we would be there
22:49yes yes
22:50but why?
22:51you see
22:52it was the only way
22:53that we could afford
22:53to buy this freezer
22:55what are you talking about?
22:56I bought this freezer
22:57what?
22:59yes
22:59it was going to be a surprise for you
23:01when you got back
23:02get back
23:03no no I
23:04bought
23:04well we bought
23:05unless you bought
23:06Mr. Tripp sir
23:08there seems to be true
23:10another fine mess
23:12you've got me into
23:13isn't it?
23:29Mr. Tripp say
23:31come back
23:32here
23:35arbor
23:47high
23:49good
23:49good
23:52well
23:53good
23:55good
23:56good
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