- 13 minutes ago
First broadcast 5th April 1979.
Albert tries to remind his employers about the significance of the date.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Dennis Ramsden - Sir Robert
Robert Raglan - Carter
Stuart Saunders - Doctor
Ken Tracey - P.C.
Albert tries to remind his employers about the significance of the date.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Dennis Ramsden - Sir Robert
Robert Raglan - Carter
Stuart Saunders - Doctor
Ken Tracey - P.C.
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:28I'll see you next time.
00:49I'll see you next time.
01:00Ah, Mr Carter.
01:02Ah, yes, sir. We definitely have your booking for this evening.
01:06It's your anniversary, is it really?
01:09Well, isn't that a coincidence?
01:10Now, it's my anniversary too.
01:13Wedding.
01:14Ah, no, sir. No.
01:15No, I'd like to have taken a bride, but I think it's in the blood.
01:19You know, I come from a long line of bachelors.
01:23Well, then perhaps we might clink the glass together later on, sir.
01:27Thank you, Mr Carter. Mind how you go.
01:32Ah, Mr and Mrs Triff are bound to remember, aren't they?
01:35A little celebration to mark the anniversary of the first time I jammed up their waste disposal unit.
01:43Right, now listen, Vicky, remember, not a word to Albert.
01:47Well, do you think he's even remembered?
01:49Well, on Capitol Radio this morning, when they did the anniversary whilst, he put up the radio full blast.
01:54And then when he smashed a gravy boat, he said, ah, well, you're a loaned one on your special day.
02:01He's remembered.
02:04365.
02:05Hmm, days or broken plates.
02:07Mr and Mrs Triff.
02:09Yeah, Albert, can you give us a hand, please?
02:10Certainly, sir. You're welcome.
02:13Thank you very much, Albert.
02:14I don't mention it, sir.
02:16Oh, my, my, my, what a lot of goodies.
02:19You wouldn't be thinking of throwing a party, sir.
02:22No, we wouldn't, Albert.
02:23Oh.
02:26I, um, I, I'll put your shop in here, sir, eh, right by the calendar.
02:31Right.
02:31You'll remember that now, sir, won't you?
02:33What?
02:34Eh, what you bought this morning, now, it's right by the calendar.
02:37The calendar, yes.
02:38OK, Albert.
02:39Calendar!
02:40What?
02:41That's it, it, it rang a bell.
02:43Oh, let us ring, miss.
02:45Might it be a date, perhaps?
02:47Some important date?
02:49Like an anniversary, perhaps?
02:51Yes, Albert, you're right.
02:53I thought so.
02:55The Carter's anniversary.
02:57Oh, yeah.
02:58I played a clock.
02:59Their anniversary, yeah.
03:01Well, well, I always say, there's nothing to beat an anniversary.
03:04I've never heard you say that, Albert.
03:06Ah, well, perhaps you were out of the room at the time, sir.
03:10Oh, by the boy, miss, eh, you haven't noticed a black ring, have you?
03:15Yes, I have, actually, Albert.
03:16Oh, good.
03:17A distinct black ring.
03:18Ah?
03:19Around the sink.
03:20Clean it, would you, Albert?
03:23Oh, poor old Albert.
03:25Don't you think we ought to tell him about his party tonight?
03:27No, no, no, we're going to keep it a little surprise.
03:31Chop!
03:32He has such a way with words, isn't he?
03:35Hello, darling.
03:37Um, um, um, um, I want to, um, I want to book a table for this evening, please.
03:43Certainly, sir.
03:44Mm-hmm.
03:45Name?
03:48It's for a very old and important friend, Sir Robert Wynne Stanley, and myself.
03:53Sir Robert Wynne Stanley?
03:55Yes.
03:55Lee, Sir Robert Wynne Stanley?
03:57Yes.
03:58Who's Sir Robert Wynne Stanley?
03:59I've no idea.
04:02Oh, you know, you grow more like him every day.
04:04Actually, now, let's see now.
04:05He must be somebody from the old regiment, hmm?
04:07Or the old school.
04:09Hmm.
04:09Both, actually.
04:10Later, he went into politics.
04:12A brilliant career.
04:13In fact, he'd be rival to Margaret Thatcher now if it weren't for one thing.
04:17What?
04:18He lost his deposit.
04:20Damn bad luck.
04:21Anyway, you can see that I, I want, uh, this evening to be very, very special.
04:25I wanted to impress him with, uh, the finest dinner available in the best possible restaurant.
04:32Yes, unfortunately, it was booked, so I'll have to bring him here.
04:36And the full red carpet treatment, if you don't mind.
04:38Look, I'm afraid the red carpets are the dry cleaners.
04:40What will the lavatory mat do?
04:45We're getting really full in there.
04:47Yeah, well, we'll make a waiter out of Albert yet.
04:49Oh, well, then can you open this bottle?
04:51Yes, of course.
04:51I mean, you know, we're very, very busy tonight.
04:53I'm doing a special surprise party for Albert afterwards.
04:56I was really wondering what to do with my free time.
04:59Thanks.
05:00Come on, talk about busy.
05:02That's the busiest I've ever seen us in exactly a whole year.
05:05Right.
05:06Not give or take a single day.
05:08Right, then.
05:09Sue Albert for table three, right?
05:11That soup, soup was the very first order I served for you.
05:14The very first, and that was a whole year ago, today.
05:17Yes.
05:18Well, Albert, perhaps you could try and deliver this soup in less than 12 months.
05:23Oh, of course, sir.
05:24Of course, sir.
05:24I'm sorry, sir.
05:25Now, this will be for the characters, them that's celebrating their anniversary.
05:31Do you know something?
05:32If he drops any more hints, one of us is going to fall over him.
05:35Is everything ready for his party tonight?
05:37Aye.
05:39Just have a little look at this, will you?
05:43Ooh.
05:45Mmm.
05:46Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I said look.
05:48Don't lick.
05:49Sorry.
05:50Now, look at this.
05:51Look what I've got here, then.
05:52Huh?
05:52What?
05:55Albert's favourite dish.
05:56What's that?
05:57Well, the one he hasn't broken yet.
06:01Not even a card.
06:02A simple little card with the gift attached.
06:05Didn't even have to be a card.
06:07I'd settle for a free cup of Irish coffee.
06:12There you are, Bobby.
06:14Well, what a novel little place.
06:17Robin's Nest, eh?
06:18Does that mean there's a risk of our getting egg-bound?
06:23No, no, no, no, no, no.
06:24No, here, they're more likely to pour wine down your front and give you a red breast.
06:27No.
06:32Actually, the place, as I believe I told you, is run by my daughter and son-in-law.
06:36Ah, here she is.
06:37Dory, this is Victoria, my daughter.
06:39And this is Sir Robert Wynne Stanley.
06:41Oh, how do you do?
06:43Enchanted.
06:43Mr. Nicholls, sir?
06:45Yeah.
06:45And this is your son-in-law.
06:50This is your table, Dad.
06:52It's a great pleasure to welcome you, Sir Robert.
06:54Oh, you know me, do you?
06:56In your constituency, probably, Bobby.
06:58Ah, but did you vote for me?
07:00Well, I don't know.
07:01Are you labour?
07:03Well, don't go and wash your mouth out.
07:07Right.
07:08Menus?
07:09Thank you, darling.
07:10Excuse me.
07:11Ah, Mr. Carter, sir.
07:12My wife and I ordered pâté.
07:14And a very good choice, too.
07:17Oh, I see what you mean, yeah.
07:19Now, that's a little on the liquid side.
07:23Well, now, I'll attend to it immediately, sir.
07:26Wouldn't want anything to spoil your night of nights, huh?
07:29Happy anniversary to you.
07:31Happy anniversary to you.
07:34Happy anniversary to you.
07:35Well, now, Bobby, do you see anything that takes your fancy?
07:38Yes, well, now, this beef chardonnay sounds tempting.
07:41What's it like?
07:41Er, Riddle.
07:42Yes, sir?
07:43The beef chardonnay.
07:44Oh, ambrosia, sir.
07:46A real slice of heaven.
07:49Succulent cubes of meat steeped in mushrooms and brandy.
07:53Oh, well, let's have that, then.
07:54It's off.
07:57I've always wanted to say that.
08:04Staff might be so hard to find these days.
08:06Yeah, they're even harder to lose.
08:09Sorry, miss.
08:10Oh, that's all right, Albert.
08:11I'll take it.
08:11That was the cartridge, sir.
08:12Right.
08:15There we are.
08:18Happy anniversary.
08:19What makes you think so?
08:22Excuse me, waiter.
08:23I haven't got a fork.
08:24Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
08:26There we are.
08:30I've got two and three knives.
08:32Well, could you lend us a couple?
08:34We haven't got any.
08:37Certainly, sir.
08:38I'm sorry.
08:39There we are.
08:42Honestly, Robin, don't you think if Albert knew we'd remembered his anniversary, he might
08:45get something right tonight?
08:47What, you mean, show him the cake now?
08:48Oh, why not?
08:48It would impress the customers, too.
08:50Oh.
08:51All right, then.
08:55Riddle some wine, please.
08:57Wine, sir.
08:57Yes.
08:58I'm sorry, Mr. Nickles.
09:00I'm not meself tonight.
09:02If only I could bank on that.
09:04Waiter, this wine is cooked.
09:06Yeah, they all are, sir.
09:07It stops the wine from flowing out.
09:10Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
09:12I'm sorry.
09:12I'm not meself.
09:14Oh, my God.
09:15Oh, my God.
09:15It's a genius.
09:16You're a fool.
09:18My back.
09:19My back's gone.
09:21I know, sir.
09:21It's still there.
09:22I can see it.
09:24Is there a doctor in the restaurant?
09:26There's Mr. Schmitters.
09:28He's a doctor?
09:28I know of that.
09:31Riddle.
09:32Sir.
09:33You're fired.
09:36Surprise, surprise.
10:00You're not wearing your hat, Albert.
10:03Oh, really, Missha?
10:05How could I have forgotten that?
10:10Oh, yes, that's really brightening things up.
10:17Well, shall I be mother?
10:20Don't tempt food.
10:22Really not too big a slice for me, sorry.
10:25Oh, try, Albert.
10:27You never know where your next meal's coming from.
10:31I mean, that's really brightening things up again, doesn't it?
10:33I know, no, no, no.
10:34Listen, I can't tell you how grateful I am for this.
10:36It is quite unexpected, Vicky.
10:39Farewell party.
10:42Vicky, I mean, why don't you just sort of lead Albert in to show me the way to go home?
10:46Sir, I'm so sorry, Albert.
10:50Ah, Mr. Nichols, sir.
10:52How is the sir, sir?
10:54Keep that man away from me.
10:55You ought to carry a government health warning.
10:58Sir Robert has seriously strained his back, apparently reopening an old war injury.
11:03He should lie flat.
11:04Well, where is he lying flat?
11:06In your flat.
11:07In our bed.
11:09He must not be moved.
11:10Yes, I know, but what about the other two people who wish to lie flat in our flat?
11:14He was your customer and you've got to take care of him.
11:17Thank you so much, Doctor.
11:19I'll see myself out.
11:20Yes.
11:20Good night.
11:21Good night.
11:23And goodbye.
11:24Oh, Dad.
11:25Sir Robert Winstanley is a friend of mine.
11:28Right, so why can't he lie flat in your flat?
11:30As my friend, he expects my support.
11:33Okay, we'll club together and I'll buy him a trust.
11:37If I were to remove my shares from this restaurant, or if Sir Robert were to sue...
11:43Oh, Dad, what about Albert?
11:45Yes, I mean, where's he going to go?
11:46Don't worry your heads.
11:48The Savoy's been after me for years.
11:51So, what did you break there?
11:53Come on, now.
11:54It's Albert's anniversary.
11:57Oh, I'll light a candle for him.
12:02Ah, well.
12:05There it is, then.
12:07I'll, um...
12:08I'll just collect me apron and me rubber glove.
12:11Oh, Albert.
12:13Look, look, look, look, I'm sorry, we could...
12:14Don't, don't let's say goodbye on a sad note, sir.
12:18So, me Auntie Kathleen at the station, when she saw me Uncle Jerry off to the war,
12:23she laughed her head off.
12:25Why?
12:26Well, he fell between the platform and the train.
12:29He was invalid as out in the waiting room.
12:33But I'd like to say this.
12:36It's been the happiest year in me life at Robin's Nest.
12:42And hand on me heart, Mr. and Mrs. Tripp, you're both gentlemen.
12:48So, perhaps, I'll drop by tomorrow for me reference.
12:53You needn't state the exact number of plates I broke.
12:57Mind how you go?
12:59You too, sir.
13:09He forgot his rubber glove.
13:15This has got to be the worst night of my life.
13:17Oh, I'm not.
13:18You slept like a log.
13:19A log, you're right.
13:20I've got the splinters to prove it.
13:22What a swap, eh?
13:24We've lost a dish-breaker and gained a squatter.
13:28Perhaps Sir Robert will be feeling better this morning.
13:31What sort of man would take advantage of two people he hardly knows?
13:34Wake up!
13:36That sort of man.
13:39Victoria!
13:40It's Dad.
13:41If you have to refer to him as a relative.
13:44If you do everything you can for Sir Robert,
13:46and I sweeten up Dad...
13:48Then what?
13:48Maybe he'll let us have Albert back.
13:51Victoria!
13:52All right, Dad.
13:53Come in.
13:54I've got no clothes on.
13:58Hello, Dad.
14:02Hello.
14:03I don't want to see that man naked.
14:05It's all right.
14:05I'm a quick dresser.
14:06I've got a lot of practice before we were married.
14:08You know what I mean?
14:12Well, and how is poor Sir Robert this morning?
14:14Well, I think he survived the night.
14:16Otherwise, we've got a ghost in there asking for room service.
14:19Well, I'd better go and see how he is.
14:21Robbie, my deaf fellow, how are you?
14:23You are not helping, Robbie.
14:25Sorry, sorry, sorry.
14:28Well, morning, Sir Robert.
14:30How did you sleep?
14:32Not very well.
14:33This mattress is very lumpy.
14:35Really?
14:35Well, it's funny how you don't notice these things when you're enjoying yourself.
14:39But maybe I could suggest next door we have a nice floor there with posture springing.
14:44Sir Robert has been calling for his breakfast for some time.
14:49Right.
14:50What can I get you?
14:51For a start, young man, my solicitor.
14:54I'm considering suing for damages.
14:56That would be good publicity for your bistro, wouldn't it?
15:00Well, perhaps a nice pot of tea?
15:02Perhaps.
15:03Mm.
15:04And perhaps a lightly scrambled egg on toast and a pair of kippers?
15:08And have you any fresh croissant?
15:12Now, Victoria, I don't want to hear another word about it.
15:15That man, Riddle, is a menace.
15:17Dad, please.
15:18No, Victoria, you know that I have never denied you anything.
15:23You wouldn't let me have a bow and arrow when I was five?
15:27No, darling, I mean, it's far too dangerous.
15:29I mean, you might have injured somebody.
15:31Oh, Dad, seriously.
15:34Please.
15:36Oh, all right, then.
15:38You mean we can have Albert back?
15:39No, but you can have your bow and arrow.
15:43Oh.
15:44And there's your first target.
15:52Sir Robert's finished.
15:53You mean he's dead?
15:57His meal.
15:58Well, I mean, he can't count any grumbles, can he?
16:00I did a most special.
16:01Look, mussel soup, lobster covered with cheese sauce,
16:04and pavlova cake.
16:06What's that, the compliments to the chef?
16:08No, the complaints to the chef.
16:09What?
16:10One of the mussels had a beard.
16:13A beard?
16:14Listen, I'm cooking him a special meal every...
16:17I mean, honestly, I didn't have time, you see,
16:20with all the thing I was doing to get my electric shaver
16:22out to the shellfish.
16:24And he pricked his finger on the lobster claw?
16:26Did he?
16:27I love you.
16:29And the pavlova cake should have been lighter on its feet.
16:32Do you know, I've had enough of this.
16:33I've had enough of this.
16:34I'm going round the twist here.
16:36Do you know something?
16:38It's hell here without Albert.
16:40You used to say it was hell here with Albert.
16:42Yeah, I know.
16:45But I take it all back.
16:47Do you hear me?
16:48Hey, do you hear me?
16:49Hey.
16:50Who are you talking to?
16:52The great chef in the sky.
16:55Yes.
16:55We didn't realise Albert Goey would make such a difference,
16:58do we?
16:58No, I'll get through my work in half the time.
17:01No, but honestly,
17:03he may not have been very good as a washer-upper,
17:06but he was company.
17:08Do you know...
17:09Do you know what I did in here this morning?
17:11No, to break the loneliness.
17:13What?
17:14I smashed a plate.
17:17What's that?
17:18It's coming from upstairs.
17:20But we don't have fire engines upstairs.
17:25Ah, Prince.
17:26Where did you get that?
17:27Your father-in-law gave it to me.
17:29Oh, I should have guessed.
17:29I take it your wife conveyed my criticisms of the dinner.
17:33Yes, in fact, I have severely reprimanded the lobster.
17:39I have given him a week's detention,
17:41a hundred lines,
17:42I must not nip Sir Robert.
17:44And the muscles have definitely said
17:46that it will be clean-shaven next time.
17:48I'm afraid the cooking thus far
17:50hasn't been totally to my taste,
17:52so I thought tomorrow for lunch,
17:53perhaps a Peking duck.
17:56We don't do a Peking duck.
17:58I know you don't,
17:59but you could send out for it
18:00from that excellent Chinese restaurant
18:02on the next street,
18:03with all the extras, of course,
18:04Peking doilies,
18:05hoisin sauce,
18:06and toffee apples to follow.
18:10I run a restaurant.
18:11I can't be seen taking food
18:12out of someone else's.
18:13No.
18:14All right, all right, all right.
18:15I'll sneak it in the back door.
18:17Sneak in a box of Havana cigars, too, will you?
18:20Certainly.
18:21Anything else, Robert?
18:22Yes, as a matter of fact,
18:23your father-in-law is kindly bringing round
18:24some of my possessions.
18:26Possessions?
18:27Yes, well, to make it feel more like home.
18:29So if you kindly clear that dressing table
18:31and take down all the pictures, would you?
18:45Now, should I, or shouldn't I?
18:49I ought to.
18:52Or oughtn't I?
18:54What was the question?
18:58I don't know.
18:59Clear the dressing table,
19:01pull down the pictures.
19:03You know the next thing
19:03you'll want to make yourself feel at home?
19:05What?
19:05You.
19:06Oh, don't be ridiculous.
19:08You know he's got us in a cleft choice.
19:11Cleft choice?
19:11Don't you mean a Hobson stick?
19:14I know I don't fancy another night on this sofa.
19:16I have a solution.
19:17What?
19:18You take the floor.
19:20What's that?
19:21Hmm?
19:22Robin, there's someone downstairs.
19:24Oh, don't be silly.
19:27Listen, listen.
19:28Look, look.
19:29I'll tell you what.
19:30You go downstairs, I'll phone the police.
19:32What?
19:33Sorry, I mean, you phone,
19:34you phone the police
19:35and I'll go downstairs.
19:36Go on, hurry, will you?
19:37Yes.
19:52Oof.
19:53Oh, no.
19:56Oh, no.
20:02Oh, no.
20:02Oh, no.
20:03Oh, no.
20:35Let's see who you are.
20:36I heard that.
20:36I've got a black belt.
20:38Oh, oh, Albert.
20:41Albert.
20:41Thank goodness it's you, sir.
20:43I thought somebody was breaking in.
20:44Yes.
20:46It was you, Albert.
20:47No, no, no, sir.
20:48I used me key.
20:50What?
20:50Oh, I call the police.
20:52Well, I'll call them.
20:55Dad.
20:56My God, he's quicker than the Sweeney.
20:59I brought a few things round for Sir Robert.
21:02What's he doing here?
21:03I came here to tell you about Sir Robert.
21:05Huh?
21:06When I mentioned his name at other restaurants, I found out he'd been pulling that bad back
21:11Skylark at lots of them.
21:13Rubbish.
21:13Oh, he'd made out he'd been poisoned by their food.
21:17Riddle, leave this place at once.
21:18Albert, you stay there.
21:21Someone else is going to leave this place immediately.
21:23You cannot disturb an injured man.
21:28Fire!
21:30Fire!
21:32Oh, this is disgraceful.
21:33Shut that.
21:37But, but, Bobby, what about your back?
21:39What?
21:39Oh, yes.
21:40It was the same in Luigi's and the Restaurant Francaise and the Gordon Ames Hotel.
21:46What?
21:46All that.
21:47Ooh, ah, ooh.
21:49Bobby, is this true?
21:51Well, I've had one or two financial setbacks.
21:54Ah.
21:55Hi.
21:55Ah.
21:56Good evening, officer.
21:57Where is he then?
21:59Sorry?
22:00We had a report of a false entry.
22:03Ah, yes.
22:04It's a slight mistake.
22:05Sort of a false alarm, really.
22:09I don't think that's funny, sir.
22:11But, in fact, in actual fact, it was a mistake, because I forgot that we were expecting two
22:16new waiters.
22:19Happy anniversary and one day to you.
22:24Happy anniversary and one day to you.
22:28Where's me cake?
22:29I want to blow out me candles.
22:31Right, wait up.
22:40Go on, then, Albert.
22:41One, two.
22:43Hey!
22:45Happy anniversary, Albert.
22:48Do you know, Vicky, that's funny.
22:49You know, I only heard two voices.
22:52Isn't it funny?
22:52Yeah.
22:56Happy anniversary, Albert.
22:59That's very generous, sir.
23:01No, no, no.
23:02We're out of wine.
23:03Wine, waiter, please.
23:04More wine.
23:08Not bad for the walking wounded.
23:10So, is the year to your satisfaction, Albert?
23:13Well, not until I came back here tonight, sir.
23:16The year of the wine, Albert.
23:18It's me favourite year.
23:19Now, be careful with that, Sir Robert.
23:21Yeah.
23:21Just a moment, Sir Robert.
23:24What time is it?
23:26A week, sir.
23:29But I've always wanted to do that.
23:31I've always wanted to do whatever you're doing.
23:32Iinta parece.
23:38I know it, but I don't know if I'm having any fun.
23:41I don't know.
23:42Still?
23:49That's what I'm doing.
23:53You OK?
23:55I know.
23:59So, are you going to do it?
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