- 6 weeks ago
First broadcast 8th March 1979.
Albert wins a weekend away.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Barbara Murray - Marion Nicholls
George Rutland - Vincente
Pearl Ann Turner - Maria (as Pearl-Ann Turner)
Alberto Pino - Guitarist
Karl Held - Fernando
Jane Hayden - Air Hostess
Albert wins a weekend away.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Barbara Murray - Marion Nicholls
George Rutland - Vincente
Pearl Ann Turner - Maria (as Pearl-Ann Turner)
Alberto Pino - Guitarist
Karl Held - Fernando
Jane Hayden - Air Hostess
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:28The
00:46oh good morning little that's early I see for once now tell me how do you think
00:52that looks it looks green sir yes well it's it's gonna hang from the ceiling sort of grow down
01:01you know yeah it's very James Nichols very Sanderson what is the matter with you the
01:11course of the riddles has struck again sir yes well I know you'll eventually tell me riddle so
01:17please get on with it and make it short well it's this competition you see sir the prize
01:22being a fabulous free weekend for two on the sunny Portuguese Algarve oh I have sir me that's never
01:32won a brass button in all me born days and they talk about the look of the Irish I'd have
01:38been
01:38better off being born some heathen nationality sir like you yes well cheer up man if you've never
01:45won anything before you can't be disappointed if you haven't won now but that's justice I have what
01:51you've got you what fabulous free weekend for two on the sunny Portuguese Algarve all expenses paid
02:04now what seems to be your problem riddle well it's the airplane sir I can't go I don't believe in
02:13flying
02:13it's unnatural if the good Lord had meant us to fly we'd all have been born chickens does my son
02:22-in-law
02:23know about this oh no sir splendid I mean we don't trouble him with your problems do we he's got
02:27enough
02:27of his own well now let me see I mean I think if we keep this strictly between us riddle
02:32I might be
02:33able to come to your assistance oh I'd be very grateful Mr Nichols sir not at all not at all
02:38after all
02:38what do we put on this earth for if not to help our fellow men I mean you can't take
02:42the price so
02:43I'll buy it from you for cash oh no I don't know about that now sir how much well I
02:53see now air
02:54tickets for two Heathrow to Farrow that must be at least oh you did say you've never flown no never
03:00sir
03:00but the Dublin to Liverpool ferry costs 11 pounds as much as that really well but air travel is much
03:07more expensive why I should say this one must be at least oh well let me see 15 15 pounds
03:19sir
03:21oh yeah well I prefer to err on the side of generosity you know now as for accommodation let's see
03:27two
03:28nights at a first-class B hotel well of course a B hotel isn't an A hotel you understand I
03:34mean it's much
03:34more I know damn sorry I stayed in plenty of them you have oh yeah B&B bed and breakfast
03:40but I expect
03:42with there being just the one B they don't give you any breakfast there's funny ways these foreigners
03:48have yes well how much would you expect to pay for a night in one of these B&Bs oh
03:56well now it's a it
03:58wouldn't be cheap now sir oh no no not in the sort of place I'd stop at I mean I
04:03don't like rubbish no
04:04no naturally naturally and five pounds done so let's see two 15 to 32 10 why that is a grand
04:14total of 50
04:16pounds riddle 10 20 30 40 50 now can you say it's not your lucky day you're a fine decent
04:29honest
04:29gentleman Mr. Nichols in spite of what Mr. Tripp says
04:35come back come back riddle this is our little secret to all
04:45riddle
04:46how about you can start unloading the van right away sir
04:52you know there's a jolly useful little chap there oh Albert
04:56hello dad you're bright and early hello darling it's too bright and too early
05:03Ferdinando Marberos of the Jose Francisco Adega
05:06I am come in person on behalf of the Jose Francisco Adega to congratulate you and bring you this
05:14your air tickets and the hotel voucher
05:16what do you mean air tickets
05:19yes it's just a little a little tax charge you know a business arrangement I have I'll take care
05:23no no no just hang on a minute sorry what do you mean air tickets and hotel well you did
05:29not get
05:29our letter senor no oh then I am delighted to be the one to tell you that you have won
05:34a free weekend
05:35in Portugal for two all his expenses paid oh Robin how marvelous and you will enjoy the delights of
05:43Portugal in the early spring mrs riddle oh I'm sure I shall mrs who oh I am so sorry
05:49I thought the lady was your wife she is my wife
05:53but you are mr riddle yes no I'm mr trip and mr riddle's in the kitchen
06:00Albert Albert's won it oh you said you'd won it no I didn't he said I won it I thought
06:04it's a bit strange
06:05but I think it's never even ended for it so please who will be going to portugal
06:10I will ah you are mr riddle yes no I am mr nichols and mr riddle is in the kitchen
06:18yes
06:19I do not understand join the club just a second albert albert come in
06:27albert what is this about air tickets ah sir and me trusting you as an officer and a gentleman
06:35this sort of competition you've won what is it how about so you see when when the entry form came
06:40you threw it in the bin saying it was all a confidence trick that nobody ever won these things
06:45and anyway you said it portuguese wine tasted like old socks so i i took the liberty of fishing
06:52it out from under the potato peelings and having a go myself sir now just for the devil men sir
06:56i'm very sorry sir really i am sir albert don't apologize you've won yes but unfortunately albert
07:03won't fly so we came to a mutually satisfactory arrangement just a minute that says there two
07:09tickets correct yes i do have in mind a suitable traveling companion yes i'm sure you have but that
07:15says there you see it says robin's nest i am definitely the robin and i am definitely not taking
07:21you oh no no no then they would think you are two of those english daisies
07:27what about me oh well yes all right darling i'll take you that's right then they'll just think you're
07:32a dirty old man i don't want to go without robin hey could i perhaps make the suggestion i am
07:38sure
07:38we could arrange for a third air ticket and accommodation oh why do you not all three go
07:43no no no because that means that i've got to pay for the third ticket no that's all right i'll
07:47pay for
07:48half of you which half yes make sure that the back of your seat is in the upright position and
07:55that
07:55your seat belt is fast excuse me sir your seat belt please oh yes oh
08:06thank you it's bodily expansion due to of course you girls know all about that don't you yes but it
08:14usually happens when we're flying the garden of portugal oh rocks of strangely cut shapes enfold
08:27magnificent beaches of soft fine sand doesn't sound much like home the landscape is dotted with
08:33picturesque villages showing the influence of long arab occupation sounds exactly like home
08:41i still can't believe it two glorious romantic days and nights just the three of us oh dad will be
08:49all right you'll find plenty to do he loves visiting old ruins i haven't the slightest intention of
08:55calling on your mother we're taking off oh man i'm all right i'm not of course you are you took
09:07one of
09:08those incredibly fantastic new travel stick pills remember oh yes of course i did i suddenly forgot
09:12yes i feel fantastic again the local speciality sounds interesting clams fried with paprika sausage and
09:21made into a soup with garlic and olive oil please try that vicky could you pass me one of those
09:27incredibly fantastic new travel sick pills excuse me sir you've forgotten your duty-free whiskey oh how
09:49very kind of you we do try to please oh yes i'm sure you do you know you remind me
09:55of that advertisement
09:56how's it go um i'm samantha fly me well i'm james try me i'm married forget it enjoy your holidays
10:10sir
10:12dad i wish you'd get it closer but don't have absolute nonsense darling i'm perfectly fit why should
10:18i degrade a fellow human being by expecting him to carry my bags for me i understand it's the money
10:23not the principle exactly listen i hope they've got somebody here to meet us oh of course they have
10:29it's all part of the deal don't panic ah the moment an englishman sets foot on foreign soil he panics
10:37oh my god
10:41hello james a wash and alcohol as usual i see
10:47darling and um robert no robin robin as in red no red red when the red red robin comes
10:57blah blah blah robin robin yes well welcome to the algarve what's she doing here well i live here
11:04remember i couldn't come all the way to portugal and not let mommy know could i no of course not
11:09my car's outside splendid then we won't keep them come along here james ronald no no actually it's
11:17all right mrs nichols but we've got transport already arranged oh that cancelled all that you're
11:22coming with me there will be absolutely no need thank you there is james you'll never find the place
11:27otherwise i'm sure i can find a taxi driver who knows where the hotel president is yes i'm sure you
11:32can
11:32but that's not where you're going i couldn't let my only daughter come here and stop at a hotel could
11:39i now just a moment i am not tossing down on a pile of fishing nets with you and sardine
11:45sid
11:47really is very sweet of you mum but we couldn't possibly all stay with you of course you could dear
11:53pedro pedro unlike your father is charming generous understanding tolerant and kind
11:59he's also away come along everybody
12:20well it's nice robin no terrific it's what i've always wanted a dirty weekend with my in-laws
12:28marion this is ridiculous if you wish to go lady that is your affair i prefer lavatories that flush
12:35only this marmalade on my breakfast toast actually it's very kind of you mrs nichols but we don't
12:40really want to put you to any more trouble but i've told you i've cancelled the reservations rupert
12:45deirdre
12:53i've got a nice cozy little lobster pop for james marion stop the car here here certainly james
13:05dad where are you going i am going to book in there it looks terribly expensive what's a little
13:12bankruptcy compared to 48 hours with your mother you can't book a room in there dear marion i am
13:17divorced white and over 21 i shall do exactly as i please you still can't book a room in there
13:23dear i see and would you give me one good reason why not because it's not in a hotel that's
13:29a good
13:29reason it's a private villa that's two good reasons one i happen to know rather well actually
13:36i live there we're going to have a lovely weekend
13:50isn't life funny all the little twists and turns yes if your father hadn't twisted albert we wouldn't
13:59have turned up here riddle was perfectly happy with our arrangement doesn't all this make you think
14:04lovely romantic thoughts definitely problem we could go for a midnight swim in the pool we could
14:12go for a midnight swim in the bath that is a bath up there it's not the dry dock for
14:18the qe2s
14:20that was pedro's roman emperor period well james does the lavatory flush to your satisfaction i don't
14:28find it in the least amusing cheers cheers cheers cheers cheers cheers cheers well personally i'm just
14:46looking forward to getting away from all the pots and pans
15:10uh dear is uh for my cookings ah si you the cooking the cooking yes good good and um your
15:18meal huh your meal meal
15:21food your your food meal it didn't hurt at all
15:26dessert you my cooking dessert you no no no what he means is it was good very good ah very
15:32good ah si si si si
15:33ah excuse please uh uh is uh my lady maria ah maria hello uh that you lady that no lady
15:42that my wife
15:44oh please oh please oh please you have drink huh oh yes please ah senora thank you thank you
15:49ah senor
15:51all right okay
15:58bottoms up bottoms up
16:00ah bottoms up huh oh bottoms up
16:03uh um in england um in england me o england anglaise si anglaise si si anglaise me also
16:12eglaise is a cooking that's a cookie no me the cooking in englaise cook cook chef um
16:27um
16:32uh
16:33uh
16:33uh
16:35you the cooking
16:41me the cooking si si it's sopa you like sopa sopa
16:46ah ah sopa yeah
16:53he's good huh oh yes good definitely what is it no idea
17:00ask him yes um you the cooking si si si and you make the sopa sopa
17:07uh uh um um um what kind of sopa is it is it uh is it uh uh oxtail sopa
17:16cockaliki sopa chicken chicken sopa chicken um
17:24ah no no no no no no no no peixe ah peixe a moment
17:33see
17:34his pitch is rascasho ruivo
17:39peixaranga anguilla
17:41araia is pitch uh i think he's trying to tell you it's fish sopa
17:46thank you very much
17:48a bottle is up huh yes bottoms up bottoms up bottoms up
17:54it's not bad i thought you told out what the local portuguese wine tasted of old socks
18:00who socks ah old socks
18:04old socks no no no i meant in england it most probably doesn't sort of travel very well
18:10rather like you
18:39i'd like old charms james
18:41yes you ordering the most expensive item on the menu
18:46you getting ounces over the bill we didn't always fight over money no of course we didn't
18:52we fought over everything yes i suppose we did silly things like politics religion your mother
19:00ridiculous things like television scrabble sex sex wasn't ridiculous wasn't our marriage
19:10well you always had that blasted pecanese on the bed
19:15it was a wedding present
19:19those hideous ties you always bought me for my birthday
19:22that fabulous expensive jewelry you never bought me for mine
19:28you always hated my friends you detested mine well that that gigolo golf pro that swedish au pair
19:37oh yeah
19:40elsa
19:42ingrid
19:43who was elsa
19:46she was uh she was a very good cook
19:50and you were never in the kitchen
19:51you were never in the bedroom
19:53once bitten twice shy
19:57anyway i was wonderful at garlic mayonnaise
20:01yes for breakfast
20:04the way you used to snore
20:07and the way you used to swear
20:08lazy holidays in the sun you hated
20:11the fishing holidays in the rain that you hated
20:16you preferred london i preferred paris
20:20well i suppose we did have some good moments
20:24mainly when you were in london and i was in paris
20:27so
20:33why did we ever get married
20:36do you know i've often wondered that
20:40your father put the announcement in the times
20:43your mother booked the church
20:48parents have a great deal to answer for
20:52well at least we didn't do that to vicky
20:54no
20:58and look where she is now
21:01i think it's rather sweet in a rough hue sort of way
21:06do you think they're happy
21:09do you think they're happy
21:17well they seem happy
21:47that really was a marvelous evening
21:50and it's not over yet
21:52so romantic
21:54that was just for starters
21:55it's true you know
21:57vincenzo's fish sopa
21:59refreshes parts
22:01while the subas cannot reach
22:04no i mean my parents
22:06well those two romantic
22:07they're about as romantic as two starving piranhas
22:11people have been known to get together you know after a divorce
22:13those two couldn't get together after the wedding
22:16so why are they still lingering outside
22:18well at a rough guess they can't make the steps
22:22they could be discussing a reconciliation
22:24i mean if you're that interested about why don't you go and have a look
22:27don't be stupid robin i can't look on my own parents
22:30no of course you can't
22:31you have a look
22:32all right
22:37what are they doing
22:39well they're sort of sort of walking around the pool
22:43close together
22:44um fairly close i'd say yeah
22:47are they uh they're doing anything
22:49you know
22:51no i don't know
22:52kissing
22:53oh no no no they're not kissing but wait a minute yeah
22:56she is
22:58yes definitely she is
23:00what she's what is she what's she doing
23:02she's got her arms stretched out towards him
23:05oh robin do you think it's at all possible they might be going to make it up
23:09well it's possible
23:14but highly unlikely
23:24remind me to ask riddle for a refund
23:50so
23:58so
24:00so
24:00so
24:01so
24:01so
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