- 1 day ago
James May is back in his Wiltshire workshop to help fix Britain's biggest bugbears with simple solutions and ingenious engineering.
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CreativityTranscript
00:00Hello.
00:05These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home.
00:11And the pub I own.
00:13Thinking about all the big problems in the world.
00:17And some smaller ones that annoy me.
00:21Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all.
00:24Or at least try.
00:27My shed.
00:29Right.
00:31It's here that I have the tools.
00:33Let's just saw some wood up.
00:35The tea.
00:37And a couple of other highly competent blokes.
00:41Very good. Brace yourself.
00:43Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.
00:46Is she getting the ticket out?
00:47Great.
00:48Dirty flight at us.
00:50And small.
00:51The cereal has gone soggy.
00:53I'll also have to take on other people's problems.
00:56What is wrong with Peter?
00:57He used to make a sound and now he doesn't.
01:01By which I mean the locals at my pub are always bringing me stuff to bend.
01:05Is it a train set?
01:07So join us and our excitable crew.
01:13Who will capture our endeavours.
01:15That was epic.
01:17As we create.
01:20Make.
01:21That feels like a terrible thing we've just done.
01:23Repair.
01:24So it's never worked.
01:25Not in my lifetime.
01:26And repurpose.
01:27In my shed load of ideas.
01:33What do you think?
01:34This is just brilliant.
01:44Here in Wiltshire I have time to reflect on those issues that concern us all.
01:49Such as how to preserve this beautiful landscape.
01:52The muse of England's poets and artists.
01:57The rustling hedgerow.
01:59The delightful babbling brook and the abject weeping willow.
02:04The heart of the idyll that nestles in the breast of every English man and woman.
02:09Oh and the fly tipping site.
02:11The blight of town and country alike.
02:14These people disgust me.
02:17There are over a million fly tipping incidents reported in the UK each year.
02:22And they cost local authorities hundreds of millions of pounds to tidy up.
02:28It's a huge problem.
02:30But no problem is too huge for me and my two very handy right hand men.
02:35My trusty engineer Sim with his big ideas.
02:38Some kind of pivot from this point anywhere between here and here.
02:43And my ever ready carpenter Tony the tool.
02:47Don't worry I'll just do everything over here.
02:50You carry on chatting.
02:51And so to my large and well equipped workshop where the very practical magic happens.
02:59So we've decided that our revenge on fly tippers should be poetic.
03:03It is a fly trap or a fly tipper trap if you like.
03:07Taking our inspiration from good old school fly paper.
03:12Which is this stuff.
03:13It's really like a very big piece of sticky paper.
03:16And you hang it up in your house.
03:17Flies fly into it because they're stupid.
03:19Their brains are absolutely minute.
03:21And they stick to it.
03:23Ha!
03:24And that's the end of them.
03:25So we want to do something similar but that acts on human beings.
03:29Which mean...
03:30Oh God.
03:31Which means we need a sticky substance that will trap them.
03:37We'll leave Simmy to search for something sticky enough to catch our human flies.
03:41As Tony and I move next door to start work on the actual trap.
03:46Now we have to devise the trap itself.
03:49How it will be...
03:50What would the trendy would be delivered?
03:52It's Tony's idea so Tony will explain.
03:56Collapsable cattle grid.
03:58Oh!
03:59So we take a sheet of eight by four.
04:02Yes.
04:03We build a frame around it.
04:06Two supports.
04:08All our sticky stuff in the middle here.
04:11Mm-hmm.
04:12Box section.
04:13Forming a grid.
04:16Holes.
04:18Attached by string.
04:20Go into two pulleys.
04:25And go...
04:26That way to a single pulley.
04:28With a mechanism that pulls and collapses.
04:31Why is the cattle grid there?
04:32Is there a gate?
04:33To stop cattle.
04:34No I know what it does.
04:36But it's not...
04:37Yes, so it's a gate.
04:38Usually you dump it...
04:40Usually I've heard people who dump things.
04:42Dump it in a field.
04:44So the van pulls up.
04:46People get out with the sofa, say.
04:47And they walk across the cattle grid.
04:49Which is positioned in front of a gate.
04:51And therefore is perfectly normal.
04:53Because you get cattle grids in front of gates.
04:55They throw the sofa into the fly tipping area.
04:59And it triggers a weighted mechanism.
05:02We haven't quite worked that bit out yet, have we?
05:04Which, through this pulley system,
05:06concertinas the cattle grid like a Venetian blind.
05:10Exposing the sticky stuff.
05:13The panicking fly tippers run back to their van through here.
05:16And are stuck like flies on fly paper.
05:19That's basically it, isn't it?
05:21Easy.
05:22Right, so should we put this on the floor and do a bit of spacing out?
05:25Yeah.
05:29Let's just rough it out.
05:31Tony and I start laying out the steel rods that will eventually become our cattle grid.
05:36How far apart are the rails of a cattle grid?
05:40Does it depend on what sort of animals you've got?
05:42Because cows have got bigger paws than sheep, haven't they?
05:46So obviously if you're making one for an elephant,
05:48you could make them a little bit further apart.
05:50Right, the dilemma is we have to balance authenticity, i.e. the spacing of the rails on the cattle grid,
05:59with the requirements of the mechanism,
06:02because it's got to pull all these together over here.
06:05It's quite a weight, isn't it?
06:07It's a lot of steel.
06:08I think that gap is too big, but it could be bigger than that one,
06:11which it will be when they're evenly spaced.
06:13So there's no getting around this, Tony.
06:15We're going to have to do a bit of arithmetic.
06:17So, for our 1,220mm wide cattle grid,
06:22we're going to need 10 bars, 107.7mm apart.
06:27Yes, this is an exact science.
06:30Oh, well, our arithmetic is spot on.
06:34Well, nearly.
06:36Nearly.
06:38OK, that's our cattle grid, correctly spaced out.
06:42Come in with the sofa.
06:47Yes, I think that's...
06:49You'd walk across it carefully, because there's a cattle grid,
06:51because you tend to walk carefully across a cattle grid.
06:54I think, yes, I think we'll get away with that.
06:57Let's mark out the board with the exact positions of our roofing battens.
07:03We can fix those in place.
07:05Mm-hm.
07:06And go from there.
07:09Right, so the concept looks good.
07:12We've just got to make the thing now.
07:14First, Tony and I construct the wooden base frame,
07:18keeping a close eye on our maths.
07:22Then we need a bit of help from Simi to cut the steel rods
07:26so that Tony and I can drill very precise holes into them,
07:29which we'll thread rope through to collapse the grid,
07:32as long as we can keep up with Simi's exacting standards.
07:36Let's put a hole in the middle, right?
07:38I mean, look at that. How in the middle is that?
07:41All is proceeding at pace until...
07:44The problem is...
07:47Oh, there's no easy way of putting this, it's Tony.
07:50LAUGHTER
07:52Sim has spotted that the board isn't perfectly square.
07:56It's just I didn't cut the factory edge off,
07:58because we were rushing.
07:59I'll just recut these.
08:001,790, then.
08:02Or thereabouts.
08:04Thank you, Simi.
08:06And once you've squared off our mistakes,
08:08Tony and I thread the poles together with rope,
08:10which will make this cattle grid collapsible.
08:13Ow!
08:14What have you done to that?
08:16There, but we're going to have to flame it again.
08:18And finally, we get to see if our cunning concertina plan actually works.
08:25In three, two, one...
08:29Oh!
08:30Oh, that works!
08:31It's bitty!
08:32It doesn't need that much force, either.
08:34Collapsible cattle grid success,
08:36but we still need to find some really sticky stuff to fill it with.
08:40We also have to drill all the remaining pieces,
08:42devise the weighted mechanism that will close this,
08:46and we have to take the whole thing to a secret location in the countryside,
08:50fill it with our gunk,
08:52and then wait.
08:56For now, though, we take a break from our war against fly tippers
08:59for a well-earned pint.
09:01And it's now, when I'm at the pub,
09:03that people start bringing me their broken stuff that they want me to mend.
09:07In fact, I'm so used to this, I take my toolbox to the pub every time I go.
09:13Hello.
09:14Hi, I'm Kirsty.
09:15Hello, Kirsty.
09:16Hi.
09:17What have you got for us?
09:18So I have got my teddy bear, Peter.
09:20He's 53 years old.
09:22Oh, younger than me.
09:24Definitely younger than me.
09:26And apart from being utterly furless,
09:30what is wrong with Peter?
09:32He used to make a sound sort of like a sheep,
09:35and now he doesn't.
09:37He's been in a loft for 35 plus years.
09:41Poor sod.
09:42Yeah.
09:43Is it one of those where you do that and it...
09:44Yeah.
09:45You can hear it.
09:47Oh, yeah.
09:48Whatever that is.
09:50Something's moving.
09:51What noise did it make?
09:52It was like a sheep, like a bar.
09:54I think...
09:55Well, I do know somebody who used to run a thing called Teddy Bear Hospital,
09:58and these old bears, they've usually got a moving weight
10:01and some sort of bellows.
10:02They used to be classified as squeakers and growlers.
10:05Right.
10:06One of them had a reed, and the other one had...
10:09Some kind of diaphragm or...
10:11Yeah.
10:12Something like that.
10:13So you wanted to try and make the sound work again?
10:15If you could, that would be lovely.
10:17And you've had him since you were...
10:19How old?
10:20Before I was born, my grandmother gave it to my mother
10:24while she was pregnant with me.
10:26So it predates you?
10:27Yeah.
10:28The Teddy was waiting for you as you popped out of the womb?
10:30He was.
10:32And are these your initials?
10:33They are my initials, yeah.
10:34My mum stitched them in because he used to go everywhere with me.
10:37I've got a picture of him, actually.
10:39Oh, that's when he still had his fur.
10:42Yeah.
10:43And his head was on properly.
10:45Yes.
10:46At what point did Peter lose his speech?
10:50Hmm.
10:51I have no idea.
10:52He's travelled with me.
10:54I was in the army and he came everywhere with me.
10:57And then he ended up in a loft and I thought I'd lost him.
11:04And then I got him back about three months ago and he doesn't make any sound.
11:09How would you feel about us opening Peter up?
11:12That's fine.
11:13Are you sure?
11:14Yeah.
11:15We'll have to ask you to sign a consent form.
11:17Absolutely.
11:18And a do not resuscitate.
11:20Ooh, look, there is my special superpower magnifying spectacles.
11:25And there is a scalpel.
11:28Has this been opened before?
11:30Not that I know of, no.
11:31How are you feeling about this, Kirsty?
11:33I'm slightly nervous.
11:35Whoop.
11:36Oh, swab.
11:38We found something that has not been exposed to the light since the early 1970s.
11:43Can I put my finger in?
11:44You might want to look away.
11:46I am.
11:47My God, it's huge.
11:49We need a bigger hole.
11:51We need a bigger hole.
11:52I'm actually getting nervous.
11:54Here it comes.
11:56Is that the noise it used to make?
12:07Slightly.
12:08But longer?
12:10Longer, yeah.
12:11I'm seeing you afford him some dignity.
12:14Oh, sorry.
12:15We'll put him in the recovery position.
12:18OK, we will take this back to the workshop, Kirsty.
12:21We will mend it, reinsert it in the bowels of Peter.
12:26Simi will stitch him back together.
12:28He will be returned to you, growling as he did in your youth, and you will never know,
12:33and neither will he, that anything had ever happened.
12:36Excellent.
12:37Either that or it will go wrong and we'll chuck him on the bonfire.
12:41Please don't.
12:43Will we be able to perform this important and life-saving operation?
12:47Will Peter growl again?
12:51Ah, Wiltshire, the beautiful countryside.
12:58But did you know that every 27 seconds somebody ruins it by fly-tipping, causing damage to farmland and wildlife?
13:07Luckily, Tony, Simi and I have come up with a cunning plan involving a collapsible cattle grid
13:14that will expose a sticky substance beneath to stop our fly-tippers in their tracks.
13:20Now we just have to select our gunk.
13:25The options we have arrived at are cornflour, epoxy resin and this one, which is a mastic, so it remains plastic and sticky. Is that right?
13:37Yeah.
13:38What should we try? Should we try cornflour?
13:41I mean cornflour, isn't it thixotropic, so if they run across a cornflour mix quickly they will simply...
13:46Go across it.
13:47Go across it.
13:48But if they amble across it...
13:49Yes, then sink.
13:50How much should we put in?
13:52Let's put it all in.
13:53Do you think?
13:54Yeah.
13:55Cornflour is weird stuff, I think. I don't like using it in the kitchen.
14:02It's useful, well.
14:03It is useful. I mean it's a crafty way to thicken up your cheese sauce.
14:07That is quite... so it is solid, but if you put gentle pressure you sink.
14:14Oh, yeah.
14:15Oh!
14:16It's quite nice actually.
14:17And then it just goes liquid.
14:20The trouble with this, it's so much fun, you'd find millions of fly-tippers just frolicking in your cornflour.
14:27This cornflour and water goo is non-Newtonian, meaning it doesn't follow Newton's laws, as it can act as both a solid and a liquid.
14:37And handily for us, this ambiguity makes it very sticky.
14:41Shall we put it on the floor and put some shoe covers on? Who wants to try? We can try one each.
14:47Off to you.
14:48I'll do... I'll do this one then, so.
14:57Make sure you use the right foot.
14:59Yeah, good thinking, Batman.
15:01So you've thrown your sofa away, or your fridge, or whatever.
15:04Fly-tipped. Nobody saw that. I'm off.
15:11It's not very good.
15:13What's the drag on your foot there?
15:15No, it's pretty grippy. But I don't know that you'll necessarily get stuck. The idea is that the fly-tipper is stuck to the fly-tipper trap.
15:24I mean, let's reserve judgment until we've tried a few other things.
15:28Shall we try the mastic?
15:30So it never sets. No.
15:33It remains plastic, in the true sense, and hopefully quite sticky.
15:37Shall I? Yes. Carry on.
15:39It looks sticky. It does look sticky.
15:45This particular mastic forms an elastic, watertight sealant that sticks firmly to wood, metal, concrete, and, we hope, humans.
15:55It smells fantastic.
15:58So, has anybody got any Bob Dylan records?
16:02Right.
16:03Whose turn is it to try?
16:06Are you going to do it, Tony?
16:07Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah, go on, Tony.
16:10Are you going to put both feet in?
16:12Yeah, I want to get splashes on my trainers.
16:15So, remember to method act.
16:22What are you dumping, Tony?
16:23A telly.
16:24A telly, OK.
16:26Whoa, we've done that before.
16:28Whoa!
16:30Hey, that looked like it could be quite good.
16:33Wow.
16:34It's slippy as well.
16:35Really slippy.
16:37That's really sticky.
16:38Oh, that's pretty good.
16:40It's very good.
16:42So, the mastic works.
16:44But because Simmy hates to feel left out, we decide to let him test the epoxy resin option.
16:50Also, he's got a bit of a thing about shoe covers.
16:52You ready, Sim?
16:53Right.
16:54With your big fridge and action.
16:55I've got my fridge all over the hedge it goes.
16:59Oh, ****.
17:03That's not very good.
17:05It's not very good, is it?
17:06It's also all over the floor.
17:07It is all over the floor.
17:08You can get it off the floor.
17:09It's very slippery.
17:11So, that's not ideal, is it?
17:12No.
17:14It's rubbish.
17:16So, to conclude this scene, men, because we've wanted to do it, you have one.
17:22Are you ready?
17:23In three, two, one.
17:25One.
17:31The mastic is a clear winner.
17:33It's the stickiest that we agreed.
17:35Absolutely.
17:36Right, so that's what we'll do.
17:38Once that sticky mastic is added to our cattle grid flytrap, we may just be able to protect rural littles up and down the country from the blight of fly tipping.
17:51But there's another danger threatening the countryside, and that's the worrying demise of pub games.
17:57As a landlord myself, I'm not keen on fruit machines and dreary pub quizzes.
18:04It's all about revisiting one of the old standards.
18:10Oh!
18:12The game of darts, it's essential to the formation of England's character, because without our prowess at darts, we wouldn't have been good at archery and defeated the French at Agincourt, for example.
18:22Now, this is a standard dartboard, probably the one you're familiar with.
18:26It's got doubles on the outside, trebles on the inner ring, and then a bull and a double bull.
18:31But there are other types of dartboard.
18:33For example, there is a Yorkshire dartboard, which only has the doubles.
18:37And then there's a Manchester dartboard, which has the numbers in a different order.
18:41There's also a Bath dartboard, which has some extra scoring areas around the outside, and so on and so on.
18:48Wiltshire does not have its own dartboard, so we thought maybe we'd come up with one.
18:54What do you think, Tony?
18:56Er, yeah.
18:58What would you do, though?
18:59When I was a kid, me and my brother used to play drop darts, where you put the dartboard on the floor.
19:06We actually used to do it out of the bedroom window, with the dartboard down below in the garden.
19:11Let's try holding it by the...
19:14Oh, shot! Is it in?
19:16No, it's 25.
19:19Miles off.
19:21Yeah.
19:22I mean...
19:24It involves a lot of bending down, though.
19:27What if the dartboard starts rotating?
19:31Imagine how difficult it would be to throw at a rotating darts board.
19:35Yeah!
19:36That'd be... Yeah, we could do that.
19:38That'd be fun.
19:40Obviously, because we are, in fact, engineers, we need to test out the concept.
19:45OK, so stand on the ocky, but about two feet back from the ocky.
19:51Oh, I don't want to throw a dart at you like that.
19:53No, no.
19:54Oh!
19:56You ready?
19:57You having a laugh?
20:00No.
20:05Yes, three on the board.
20:07OK, now it's my turn.
20:09Crap rolling.
20:16Crap rolling.
20:17It's supposed to go over there.
20:18You deflected it with your first dart.
20:20So the rotation idea works, but not rolling the board.
20:25Now we need Simi's help to try and make the board rotate in space.
20:29Shall we have a beer?
20:31Good idea.
20:32While Tony and I head off for a pint, Simi throws himself into creating a mechanism that will rotate our Wiltshire dartboard.
20:41First, he attaches a rotary switch to a wooden frame.
20:45And then he rigs up a variable speed controller.
20:50Before, after a quick swig, soldering together a small motor with a manual switch.
20:57Then he attaches a battery, has another essential beer break, and finally tests the rotating mechanism that will eventually attach to the dartboard,
21:07which we'll try out later, once Simi's joined us in the garden for another pint.
21:12Exciting!
21:14You find me back in my Wiltshire pub, and for good reason.
21:27There isn't enough entertainment in the pub, especially since I've banned Morris dancers and minstrels.
21:33So we're looking at how to refresh the greatest of all pub games.
21:39With the introduction of the Wiltshire dartboard, allow me to show it to you.
21:44Here it is, hanging on the wall at the regulation height, with the 20 at the top, where you'd expect.
21:51My two players, if you'd like to take the occi, gentlemen.
21:55And you will remember where you were when you first saw this, because the game of darts was changed forever.
22:04There it goes.
22:06The rotating Wiltshire dartboard.
22:10Doesn't look like much, but it makes the game extremely difficult.
22:12And let's be honest, it wasn't easy to start with.
22:15We're playing highest score, three darts, your throw, sir.
22:18It's making me dizzy.
22:19Here's the 20, but it's going round and round, you see, because it's the Wiltshire dartboard.
22:23Rubbish.
22:24Oh, he's going for the bull.
22:26Oh, it's tricky.
22:2843.
22:3012.
22:3219.
22:34Oh, rubbish.
22:36James, come on, do your best.
22:37Oh, and again.
22:3834.
22:39Yeah.
22:40Oh.
22:41No.
22:42No.
22:43No, no, no.
22:44No.
22:45Right, I'm speeding it up for round two.
22:47Oh.
22:48Oh.
22:49Yes.
22:50Wow.
22:51Yes.
22:52Wow.
22:53Shall we reverse?
22:54Oh.
22:55Oh, he's got six.
22:56Oh.
22:57Oh.
22:58Oh.
22:59Yes.
23:00Oh.
23:01Oh.
23:02Oh.
23:03Oh.
23:04Oh.
23:05Oh.
23:06Oh, he's got 60.
23:10I didn't believe I missed the ball, James.
23:12Now what am I going to do?
23:13I've only got this one left, and I have to score 29 or more.
23:23That means the winner is Sim.
23:27But this invention wasn't meant just to entertain the three of us.
23:31It has to work on the seething, roaring mass that is the general public.
23:36Let's see if any of the locals would like to play Wiltshire darts.
23:43Hmm.
23:44No.
23:45It's not looking good.
23:46Well, yes, you're right.
23:47Not ideal.
23:48It's not good.
23:49It's 24.
23:50That's nothing.
23:51At least I tried.
23:52Five.
23:53Six.
23:54Ten.
23:55Congratulations.
23:56That's a truly terrible.
23:57Eight.
23:58Oh, dear.
23:59That's 17, sir.
24:00That's very poor.
24:01I hope you don't mind me saying.
24:03Scores may be low, but the game is a huge hit with the regulars, and also, it turns out,
24:09with our film crew, with producer Lucy very keen to play.
24:13You've thrown it away!
24:15I hope you don't mind me saying.
24:17Scores may be low, but the game is a huge hit with the regulars
24:21and also, it turns out, with our film crew,
24:24with producer Lucy very keen to play.
24:29You've thrown it away!
24:31As everybody rushes to stand in front of the board for their own safety,
24:35it's probably time to sum this up.
24:37I'm not entirely sure what to say about Wiltshire Darts,
24:40apart from that it's excellent.
24:45That's one successful step along the path
24:48to revitalise British pub entertainment,
24:51and I've got plenty more ideas up my sleeve.
24:54But now we must return to the pressing matter of Kirsty's Bear,
24:58who, after years in the loft, has lost his growl,
25:03and Simi and I have been entrusted with the weighty task
25:06of giving Peter his voice back.
25:08Right, viewers, our mission today
25:10is to provide Peter the Bear, beloved of Kirsty,
25:14with a more impressive one of those.
25:18According to Kirsty, it was originally louder and longer,
25:22and we may be able to improve the sound as well.
25:24We've never done this before, oddly.
25:27First, we need to remove Peter's growl box to see how it works.
25:37What if we made that just twice as long, and this twice as long,
25:41and then you'd get a longer...
25:43So it is, it's like...
25:49Oh, God!
25:53It's got a very simple reed there,
25:55similar to something you would find in a crude musical instrument.
25:59And this seems to be some sort of very, very simple amplifier.
26:04We could remake that...
26:07Bigger.
26:08...much bigger and much longer.
26:10There's a lot of room.
26:11There's tons of it.
26:12It could go right down to his...
26:14...and up to his neck.
26:15So we could, you know, we could put an enormous growler in there.
26:19Yes.
26:23Right, that's the plan.
26:26We're going to remake it bigger and better,
26:30which in terms of a teddy bear growl means longer.
26:34To see if we can give Peter a larger, longer growl,
26:37Sim and I want to see what happens
26:39when we elongate the sandbox's journey
26:42by throwing it down the longest tube we can find,
26:45three metres of cylindrical polyvinyl chloride.
26:48Is everybody ready?
26:49Also known as a drain pipe.
26:51Let her go.
26:53Uh...
26:58Um...
26:59I think it needs to be totally upright.
27:12That was epic!
27:13Nice!
27:14You're trying with the shorter legs?
27:16Yes.
27:17So, Peter's growler needs to be...
27:19Oh.
27:20Yeah.
27:21OK.
27:22Now we've established how big we can make Peter's new growler,
27:25we cut it to size.
27:28Let's just see how long a growl we get.
27:34It's got to be a bit safer than that.
27:37To slow the movement of the growler and thus lengthen the growl,
27:40we need some sort of fabric cap with holes punched through.
27:45That's a bit on the wonk, isn't it?
27:48I mean, it doesn't matter.
27:49I mean, no-one's ever going to see it because it's going to be deep in...
27:52Deep in Peter's bowel,
27:53apart from all the people watching it on television, obviously.
27:56I think to get a result we need to tape this on to the end.
28:01To seal that one end.
28:03The noise goes in that way?
28:04Yeah.
28:06Why how could that...
28:17Is there a plan B at this point?
28:20No.
28:24OK.
28:25Anyway, we're not going to give up.
28:26Luckily, Simi, ever the optimist, has an idea that might help create the sound.
28:33And it involves a pair of black rubber gloves.
28:37We're making a replacement bellow.
28:40The old one is rather elaborate.
28:44We're not sure what material it is.
28:46It's almost like a waxed paper.
28:49But it has been ironed so that it has effectively a helix in it.
28:54So it's ironed in two directions.
28:58So it's got ridges on the outside and the inside.
29:00But that seems unnecessarily complicated in a world of modern materials,
29:04such as rubber gloves.
29:06So we're making it out of the rubber glove.
29:08The theory here is that the rubber glove should fill with air
29:11and force it past the reed, which makes the sound.
29:16OK.
29:17Are we ready?
29:18I'm slightly...
29:24How can that not work?
29:32The addition of the bellows has made...
29:36Tablet.
29:37The growlers stick in the tube.
29:39Oh, is that what it's doing?
29:40What are they doing?
29:46They're so feeble.
29:48Situation update on Peter the teddy bear.
29:51Situation update is that since Peter the bear was admitted to our bear growler hospital,
29:58his condition has deteriorated quite significantly.
30:01Some of his stuffing's come out.
30:04He's got a massive wound in his spine and his voice doesn't work anymore.
30:09But apart from that...
30:10It's not easy, is it?
30:12I hate this bear.
30:14So, our attempts at repairing Peter's existing growl box have run adrift.
30:20But we can't let Kirsty and her precious bear down.
30:24And so, after some deliberation,
30:26Sim and I decide that desperate times call for desperate measures.
30:30Are you sitting comfortably, children?
30:33Kirsty had a very special bear called Peter.
30:37And Peter could growl like a proper grown-up bear.
30:40But one day, Peter's growl failed and Kirsty sent poor Peter to Simeon James to be repaired.
30:48It's proved rather difficult because Peter's greed is bent and worn out, his bellows have perished.
30:55But of course, you know all that, children, because you've been on this incredible adventure with us.
31:01But now, Simeon James have had to do something they've never done before on this show.
31:06Which is, order a spare part and fit that instead.
31:10Here it is.
31:11Commercially available growler from a bear specialist.
31:16Peter can growl again.
31:22And now, Mr Oakley the surgeon is going to sew it into Peter.
31:27And nobody need ever know.
31:30It's our secret.
31:33Here you go, Sim.
31:34Thank you very much.
31:35Once Simmy has sewn up, the patient will send him to convalesce.
31:39The bear, I mean.
31:40Before returning him to Kirsty.
31:42As good as new.
31:44Well, almost.
31:45You rejoin us in Wiltshire, where I'm coming up with ideas to solve problems big and small that bother us all.
31:56Whether that's fly tippers ruining the glorious countryside, or that your lunch is just lacking that certain something.
32:03We have identified a problem, which is that you go out to a pub or a restaurant and you have some food, and it's all jolly nice, but you think, I'd like a little bit of garnish on that.
32:14What if you could take the garnish with you, and then you could garnish whatever it was you were eating, wherever?
32:19So we thought, why not incorporate them into an item of clothing, to wit, a hat?
32:26You see, this rests very conveniently on your head.
32:29If the brim were full of soil and herbs, you could merely pluck one and add it to your cheesy pasta.
32:37So, join me as we make the world's first herb hat.
32:44This is harder than it looks.
32:50The problem I'm experiencing is that the brim of the hat is not as deep as the typical English garden herb bed.
33:00So maybe we need to get rid of some bigger.
33:03Maybe make the soil a bit wetter.
33:05Don't I have to retain the root?
33:07Yes, but if you just...
33:09So if we get rid of those boys, and keep that one in its root...
33:12What, and discard those?
33:14I think snip that off.
33:16I always have my comedy carrot-shaped Japanese scissors in my pocket, fortunately.
33:21I snip those off.
33:23We're now getting somewhere with the herb hat, compacted soil, and a sprig of basil.
33:30I've been in television quite a long time now, I think it's about 25 years.
33:34And because I understand the basics of television, I know that we're going to skip forward to a comedy shot of me approaching my own pub with a hat full of herbs on my head.
33:42And here I am.
33:47Afternoon.
33:48Afternoon.
33:49Ham, egg and chips.
33:50Yes.
33:51Epic.
33:53Nice hat, James.
33:55Yeah, you're rocking that.
34:00Sorry.
34:02It was a bit of a breeze.
34:04Would you like some...
34:06Garni?
34:08Have you got any coriander?
34:09I have.
34:11I believe it's there, isn't it?
34:12Yes.
34:13May I?
34:14Yes, of course.
34:15Here are the exquisite Japanese scissors.
34:21Sim, anything you'd like with your...
34:22A little basil would be nice.
34:24Basil is...
34:25Ooh.
34:26Can Tony reach that?
34:27Ooh, ooh.
34:28Is that enough?
34:29Yeah.
34:30Ham, egg and chips.
34:31I would like...
34:33I'd like a few chives on my eggs and my chips.
34:36Allow me.
34:40Here you go.
34:41Thanks awfully.
34:43What do you think of my hat?
34:44I mean, be honest.
34:46Well, honest.
34:47Yeah, yeah.
34:49I mean, you look like words of gummage, but...
34:51It's a bit Morristancy, isn't it?
34:52It's exactly very useful.
34:55It's a top hat.
34:56See what I did there?
35:00I'd say this works.
35:02Mmm.
35:03It's a little uncomfortable, but it's very achievable at home.
35:05All you need is a hat,
35:08some nutrient-rich soil,
35:11some herbs,
35:13a low sense of self-esteem.
35:15Robert's your mother's brother.
35:19Next,
35:20spice shoes.
35:22No, that's ridiculous.
35:24Shoes covered in spices would just look stupid.
35:28Meanwhile,
35:29here are some lovely shots of the Wiltshire countryside.
35:32And we're hoping to keep it that way,
35:34with our cunning invention to stop the curse of fly-tipping.
35:41We return to the fly-tipper-fly-trap.
35:44Fly-tipping is becoming a blight.
35:46In the countryside,
35:47we have devised a way of catching people in the act.
35:50It is essentially a fly-trap.
35:52It's based on the idea of a retracting cattle grid
35:55that exposes a very sticky substance
35:57that traps the miscreants
35:59so that they can be apprehended
36:01and then they can pay their debt to society.
36:05Now, in a previous instalment,
36:06we proved the principle of the retracting cattle grid,
36:08and now we've set it up in this fly-tipping area.
36:11It's already full of junk.
36:13It's a very popular location,
36:14you know,
36:15saw horses,
36:16old records,
36:17players, speakers,
36:18badminton bats,
36:19and so on.
36:20And amongst it,
36:21a fairly typical old bicycle,
36:22or is it?
36:23No, it isn't.
36:24It is actually the trigger mechanism
36:26for the whole thing.
36:27Let me explain to you how it works.
36:29When our fly-tippers approach,
36:30they walk over the cattle grid,
36:32which is closed,
36:33and it's outside a gate,
36:34they suspect nothing.
36:35And they lob whatever it is,
36:37their bread maker,
36:38whatever,
36:39over here,
36:40and it hits this trigger string.
36:42This trigger string,
36:44via this pulley here,
36:46pulls on this hinged piece of wood,
36:49which releases the front brake of the bicycle.
36:53The front wheel,
36:55now free to rotate,
36:56begins to rotate under the tension of this bungee cord,
37:00until the sledgehammer,
37:01which is attached to the wheel,
37:03passes top dead centre,
37:05and then gravity does its work.
37:07The rotation of the wheel,
37:09and the extra torque provided by the sledgehammer,
37:12operates this pulley system,
37:14which retracts the cattle grid.
37:16They think we got away with that,
37:17run away,
37:18stuck,
37:19we turn up with clubs,
37:20and beat them to death.
37:21Now, we're going to test this out,
37:22with some fictitious fly-tippers,
37:24this is not real,
37:25this is a set-up,
37:26but me, Tony and Simi,
37:27to see if it works,
37:28are going to watch,
37:29from over there,
37:30behind the wall.
37:31If you didn't understand the explanation,
37:33don't worry,
37:34we're filming it all,
37:35with little cameras,
37:36and we'll do a slow motion action replay,
37:38and you can see it all working,
37:39in graphic detail.
37:41Right,
37:42are we ready?
37:43Let's prime the trap.
37:45So,
37:48a few redesigned,
37:49and repurposed bits of junk,
37:51could,
37:52if we got our calculations correct,
37:54trigger our trap,
37:55and catch some fly-tippers,
37:56in the world's first ever,
37:58fly-tipping,
37:59fly-trap.
38:00It's quite sticky.
38:01Patent pending.
38:03Right,
38:04I think we can go and hide.
38:15So,
38:17the trap is set,
38:19and,
38:20as if by magic,
38:21a mysterious van pulls up.
38:23Oh,
38:24he's stopping.
38:25He is,
38:26he is.
38:27Oh,
38:28he's got to be one.
38:29That's a really tatty van,
38:30that's always a sign.
38:32He's getting out.
38:33Oh,
38:34they've got hoodies on.
38:35Oh,
38:36look at them,
38:37dirty fly-tippers.
38:38Yes,
38:39dirty fly-tippers,
38:40that do look remarkably like,
38:41members of our crew.
38:43What is it?
38:44What is it?
38:45Washing machine?
38:46It's a bloody mattress.
38:47Mattress.
38:48Kills.
38:49Over the cattle grid.
38:50Go on.
38:51There you go.
38:52Yes,
38:53yes,
38:54yes.
38:55Oh.
38:56Yeah.
39:04Yes!
39:05Got you!
39:09Gotcha!
39:10That's sounding good.
39:13I guess it works.
39:15Oi,
39:16fly-tippers.
39:17You're in a flytrap
39:18and you're going down.
39:19Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
39:22Oh,
39:23well done, men.
39:24That is fantastic.
39:25Good job.
39:26That's an absurd idea,
39:27but it works.
39:28And,
39:30as promised,
39:31here it is in glorious slow motion.
39:33It may be a prototype,
39:34a prototype but the principle is sound fly tippers can be caught like flies in a trap
39:39and that is engineering and poetic success
39:47so we've solved fly tipping pub entertainment garnishing on the move but we've really struggled
39:54trying to fix peter the bear whose growler was no longer fit for purpose i never imagined i
40:01would end up being involved in the repair of teddy bear i was expecting clocks or yeah lawn mowers
40:08you know not teddies not not a teddy bear what a pain i'll be quite glad to see the back of him
40:14oh miss peter i can see the back of him now i don't know how she's going to react when we
40:20admit that we haven't really mended him as such what happens if she throws one i don't think
40:25you know what we've actually done here is a transplant we have and a successful one
40:31and that's really the cutting edge of teddy bear medicine
40:41hello hello have a seat nice to see you again hi here is roger peter
40:49have you missed him i've missed him a lot have you i have well it's strange we've become very
40:56familiar with peter he's been a constant lurking presence in our lives and looked after very
41:03carefully of course i'm glad i'm glad you did well do you want to know what we've done yes please
41:08well the simi began the quite difficult operation with a long incision down his spine yeah um and then
41:15we successfully removed his growler yes and that's where things became a bit difficult it had sort
41:20of disintegrated a bit and his growl wasn't very strong anymore no and we looked at making a longer
41:28tube and a bigger bellows we tried various fabrics we tried a rubber glove sounds a bit complicated it
41:34was complicated he was on the table for hours and at one point we thought we might lose him
41:37eventually yeah we consulted well a consultant teddy bear surgeon yeah who said i'm afraid he had to
41:49have a new growler so he's he's had a transplant um okay but if you'd like to tip him on his back
41:57oh it does it sounds exactly the same oh it does it sounds exactly the same if you tip him right back
42:18and wait for a bit to sort of the okay rather to extend and then it sounds just like a telephone
42:29so you're pleased very pleased thank you so much
42:35so good well i'm delighted that you're pleased with peace because i thought i'd lost him for a long long
42:41time and now he sounds exactly like he did when i was a child so yeah he's quite emotional
42:50well you can take him back to your home and enjoy the rest of your lives together i will thank you
42:56so much it's really appreciated that's okay it's a pleasure thank you thank you very much thank you
43:02bye bye bring him back when his head falls off
43:04can you see she's properly delighted that bear is loved and if we as humanity could love each other
43:15the way kirsty loves that bear everything would be okay apart from for me
43:34you
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