00:00Avoidance aren't chasing the perfect relationship.
00:03They're chasing a fantasy, a version of love where nothing goes wrong.
00:09No conflict, no expectations, no emotional depth, just comfort, distance, and control.
00:17Because the moment that things get real, their wounds get loud.
00:20So they convince themselves that there's always someone better out there.
00:25Someone prettier, someone funnier, more laid back, more interesting.
00:31Someone who won't trigger them.
00:33Someone who won't expect closeness.
00:36But that mindset isn't confidence.
00:38It's self-protection.
00:40It's a defense mechanism that they built in their childhood.
00:43They grew up believing that emotional needs weren't safe.
00:46That vulnerability leads to rejection.
00:49That closeness comes with consequences.
00:51So as adults, they keep everybody at arm's length.
00:55Not because you're wrong for them, but because getting too close feels dangerous.
01:00When they start liking someone, the anxiety builds.
01:02Intimacy rises, expectations appear.
01:05Suddenly, it's not a fantasy anymore.
01:08It's real.
01:10And real terrifies them.
01:12And that's when the internal alarm goes off.
01:14Something's wrong.
01:15They're not the one for me.
01:16There must be someone out there better.
01:17It's the perfect excuse to avoid emotional connection.
01:22It's the perfect reason to run.
01:23Because as long as there's a fictional better person out there, they never have to face
01:28their own walls.
01:29They never have to open up.
01:31They never have to do the inner work.
01:33And avoidance also confuse infatuation with love.
01:36Infatuation is dopamine, butterflies, sparks, excitement.
01:41But love is vulnerability, consistency, effort.
01:44So when that dopamine settles, guess what?
01:48They panic.
01:49They say things like, I just don't feel it anymore.
01:52And they use that moment as proof that the relationship was wrong.
01:55Instead of realizing that this is the moment that real love begins.
02:00And then comes the distance, the fault finding, the fantasizing about someone else.
02:05Maybe even the ex or a fictional soulmate.
02:09All this to avoid getting close to the person who actually cared.
02:13And if you've lived through this, you know exactly how much that rug pull hurts.
02:19They show up like they're all in and they vanish emotionally overnight.
02:25But listen closely.
02:26It was never because you weren't enough.
02:28It wasn't because you lacked anything.
02:30You were held to a fantasy that no standard human could meet.
02:34And when reality showed up, their wounds took over.
02:38Not your worth.
02:39So until an avoidant faces their shame, their fears, their childhood conditioning,
02:45they will repeat this pattern with every single person that they meet.
02:50So don't ever take the blame for their avoidance.
02:53It was never you.
02:54It was always their unhealed self trying to stay safe.
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