Avoidants Don’t Chase Love—They Run From It

cupandinspiration

Avoidant attachment is not about lack of love—it’s about fear of vulnerability. This video explores how avoidance develops, why infatuation feels safer than intimacy, and why their withdrawal was never your fault.  👉 Follow @cupandinspiration for healing-focused relationship insights.  ©️ All rights and credit reserved to the respective owner(s). Credit goes to: Patrick Gaudet

Transcript

00:00Avoidance aren't chasing the perfect relationship.

00:03They're chasing a fantasy, a version of love where nothing goes wrong.

00:09No conflict, no expectations, no emotional depth, just comfort, distance, and control.

00:17Because the moment that things get real, their wounds get loud.

00:20So they convince themselves that there's always someone better out there.

00:25Someone prettier, someone funnier, more laid back, more interesting.

00:31Someone who won't trigger them.

00:33Someone who won't expect closeness.

00:36But that mindset isn't confidence.

00:38It's self-protection.

00:40It's a defense mechanism that they built in their childhood.

00:43They grew up believing that emotional needs weren't safe.

00:46That vulnerability leads to rejection.

00:49That closeness comes with consequences.

00:51So as adults, they keep everybody at arm's length.

00:55Not because you're wrong for them, but because getting too close feels dangerous.

01:00When they start liking someone, the anxiety builds.

01:02Intimacy rises, expectations appear.

01:05Suddenly, it's not a fantasy anymore.

01:08It's real.

01:10And real terrifies them.

01:12And that's when the internal alarm goes off.

01:14Something's wrong.

01:15They're not the one for me.

01:16There must be someone out there better.

01:17It's the perfect excuse to avoid emotional connection.

01:22It's the perfect reason to run.

01:23Because as long as there's a fictional better person out there, they never have to face

01:28their own walls.

01:29They never have to open up.

01:31They never have to do the inner work.

01:33And avoidance also confuse infatuation with love.

01:36Infatuation is dopamine, butterflies, sparks, excitement.

01:41But love is vulnerability, consistency, effort.

01:44So when that dopamine settles, guess what?

01:48They panic.

01:49They say things like, I just don't feel it anymore.

01:52And they use that moment as proof that the relationship was wrong.

01:55Instead of realizing that this is the moment that real love begins.

02:00And then comes the distance, the fault finding, the fantasizing about someone else.

02:05Maybe even the ex or a fictional soulmate.

02:09All this to avoid getting close to the person who actually cared.

02:13And if you've lived through this, you know exactly how much that rug pull hurts.

02:19They show up like they're all in and they vanish emotionally overnight.

02:25But listen closely.

02:26It was never because you weren't enough.

02:28It wasn't because you lacked anything.

02:30You were held to a fantasy that no standard human could meet.

02:34And when reality showed up, their wounds took over.

02:38Not your worth.

02:39So until an avoidant faces their shame, their fears, their childhood conditioning,

02:45they will repeat this pattern with every single person that they meet.

02:50So don't ever take the blame for their avoidance.

02:53It was never you.

02:54It was always their unhealed self trying to stay safe.

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